For All That Is Unspoken Part II (JA)

Beautifully done, as always, Hannah. Your work is always a truly guilty pleasure, especially since I usually sneak time at work to watch for your updates.

I love the relationship you're painting between Master and padawan - and the respect that Qui demonstrates for his lovely apprentice. If he had behaved accordingly in TPM, a whole lot of critical fics (including some of mine) would never have been written.

Good show, and frequent posts will be greatly appreciated.

CYN

 

Quick - somebody check the basement for pods. When Leona starts questioning Qui's perceptions, something is most definitely not as it should be.

 

Sorry, Hannah , I can't help you with that info.

I can see Qui not wanting to believe the visions, since he is more attuned to the Living Force. And I would think that since the nature of the dreams/visions is something dreadful, then he is also in denial of it.

 

I love your characterizations of Qui and Yoda. Their relationship and commentary had an easy and realistic flow to it.

It's good to see a fic where Qui knows and appreciates Obi from the get go, well after the whole nightmare incident that is.

He seems so caring here, how could he do what he ends up doing??????

That freakin Anakin messes everything up.

Lovin this so far Hannah

 

Yes, you got the Kegan incident right. It was in Jedi Apprentice book #9, The Fight for Truth.
Don't remember the boiling water line in Truce at Bakura though. Just don't know.

 

Well my abstract's finally written (it's amazing how I can turn out pages upon pages of Qui angst with no problem and yet writing two lousy paragraphs about my reseach is agonizing), so now I have time to respond to the some of the wonderful comments.

Cynical: Sorry, I don't foresee any Qui or Yoda torture, although I would like to smack the troll upside the head. As for Qui, I figure that a lightsaber through the chest is punishment enough. More on Qui later though.

Antigone: I think if Qui had survived, the Council would have kept the Jinn/Kenobi team intact for missions and such. They're just too effective to separate. That and I think Qui would freak if Obi went off into danger alone and vice versa.

Cascadia: Warm welcomes! Yes, Qui can be dense. I have been known to slap him around a bit to get him to see the light.

katie: Wow, I inspired someone? That made my day. And I'm so happy you decided to join in the discussion this time around.

On Obi being too old:
I too was a little shocked by the 25-year-old apprentice thing. But I figured that with Obi being chosen so late, it may be expected for his knighthood to be delayed.

shanobi: How is Qui going to mess it all up? Two words: Chosen One.

And I nearly choked when Cyn complimented Qui while Leona critisized him. Dude that just so wrong! Let me throw some wood on the fire...

First off, this fict is an explanation for TPM, not an AU. That means that everything Qui does in the movie he will do in this fict. So Cyn , those critical ficts are still well deserved.

Mainly, I have two goals regarding this story:
1. Offer an explanation for TPM that doesn't reduce to "Qui is a big meany." While I agree that Qui in TPM is a royal jerk, I refuse to believe that he's just that way by nature (I have no evidence for this, just consider it a matter of faith ). This fict arose from my need to merge the great master we see in fan ficts with the clod in TPM. In fact, the whole nightmare thing was born as a way to add some more motivation for Qui's actions in TPM.
2. Specifically, when THAT scene in the Council chambers comes, I hope that everyone will understand exactly why Qui-Gon did it and even sympathize that he didn't have any other choice.
3. Here's the rub: I'm going to try to accomplish this without altering a single line of dialogue in TPM. Not one word. I may extend some scenes a bit, but I'm not going to change anything that's already there.

Can this be done? I honestly don't know. For instance, when I think ahead to Obi's apology, I cringe.

Whew. I have to get to bed now. I'm sorry that I didn't get to everyone's comments. Let me just end by saying that it makes me so happy to know how much you all are enjoying this story.

Oh yes, I'm aiming for a post on Thursday, but it may be Friday. It all depends on how much revision my advisor wants done to that dang abstract .

 

You're going to be able to do all that??? Wow. I really look forward to your Council discussion.
As for Qui-Gon being a big jerk, I must disagree but since I don't want to start another war here, we'll just leave it at that.
Friday??? Okay, okay, you're the author. But try for Thursday, would you?

 

Friday? But that's Saturday for me?

Ah well, I guess i can wait.

UPPERS!

LittleJedi

 

Hannah - talk about biting off a huge mouthful. If you can accomplish that - if you can truly make me understand and forgive him for those two horrible moments - in the Council chamber and on the platform where the infamous "Now get on board" speech is delivered - then you're more than a gifted author; you're a wizard - and my hat's off to you.

Of course, it's off anyway, for your lovely talents - and, just as a BTW - I didn't realize you'd read my work to know how I feel about the Insensitive Clod (although, as I keep having to insist, I really don't hate him; I think he's very conflicted and wounded, and the only reason I want to whack him with a broadsword is because of what he did to my Obi. )

Will be waiting for your next post with bated (or is it 'baited' - I'm never sure) breath.

Ciao for now.

CYN

 

Gasp! This story is not allowed to sink!

So...

UPPERS!!!

 

Sorry for the delay. This post was a bear to write: no dialogue to make it flow easier. But I promised myself that I wouldn't go to bed tonight until I had a post to give. And since I define days by when I go to bed, it's still Friday in my little world!

Cynical I haven't had a chance to read much of your fict, but I did read Revery. It was incredibly written and stunningly powerful. It successfully put me into a state of depression for three days. I still have tears coming up just thinking about it . In fact, you deserve the credit for lighting a fire under me to start posting again. After reading Revery I NEEDED to get Qui-Gon's story straight. The scary thing is that TPM alone does not contradict anything in Revery. But I just can't handle the thought of Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon's relationship being like that. And I agree with you, Qui-Gon is a very wounded character. That's why the early years with Obi-Wan were so rough. But I have to believe that he does heal, and that the majority of Obi's apprenticeship was good (like I said, matter of faith). Except for the end, which I'm now trying to explain. And you and diane are right, it's not going to be easy. I'm not sure its going to work in the end; I may have to alter a few lines, but I'm really going to try not to.

dianethx: But I LOVE debates! Not only are they great fun to read and participate in, but they also keep poor irregularly updated stories like this one from sinking. The debates in Part I were wonderful, and they really helped me refine the story. In fact, the conclusion to part 1 was inspired by a comment one of my readers made during a debate. So please, if you don't agree with my interpretation, don't shy aware from telling me. As for the Council discussion, you may be looking forward to it, but I'm scared to death of it.

Little Jedi: Sorry to keep you waiting. Thanks for the lift though.

And now the post:
******************************
Qui-Gon stared blankly at the wall for a few minutes after Yoda departed. He had completely lost his center, and out of automatic habit, he attempted to regain it. Opening himself to the Force, he let its peaceful vibrancy wash over him Qui-Gon had always maintained a deep connection to the living Force; its ever-changing currents could bring him solace even when all else failed him. Serenely immersed in the tides of the living Force, Qui-Gon strived to deepen the meditation by releasing his emotions into its endless bounds.

To the Jedi master's bewilderment, there were nothing to release. His mind was unsettled to be sure, but when he attempted to focus on his feelings, all he encountered was a sort of numb static. The Force did nothing to quiet it, and yet he couldn't reach a full meditative state while it was buzzing in his mind. Coming out of his trance, Qui-Gon decided that he needed more time to come to terms with the sharp turn his life had just taken before he could achieve acceptance.

Not knowing what else to do, Qui-Gon rose and walked back into the kitchen. Its state had improved, but there was still much work to be done. Mechanically, Qui-Gon retrieved the washcloth he had earlier discarded and approached the still-full sink of dirty dishes. Sticking his hands in the water, he discovered that it had gone cold. Absentmindedly, he turned the hot facet on. He then retrieved one of the pots in the sink and pulled it out to scrub it. The water level in the sink fell due to the missing volume.

The pot contained a layer of burned rice, and Qui-Gon's hardest scrubbing barely scratched the stubborn substance. As he worked, Qui-Gon's pondered the numbness that had settled over him. He had just taken the first step towards ending his apprentice's training. After Obi-Wan finished his classes, Qui-Gon would officially recommend his padawan for the trials. After that, any mission where Obi-Wan distinguished himself would be seen as proof of his readiness to be a Jedi knight. It was one of the better-kept secrets of the Jedi Or

 

That was just beautiful. You captured the worry and fear of a parent about to lose their child to that worst of fates - growing up. I was almost crying with Qui-Gon by the end of that lovely post.

Oh, oh and his first appentice is going on the Outward Bound flight. Oh, well - that one is toast....

 

You did an amazing job with that post, Hannah

You really got into Qui's head and explained his feelings so well. You are giving us such an understanding for this man, who is so often misunderstood.

Everyone protects themselves in a different way. Curious to see how you will handle the infamous scenes from TPM, is that coldness Qui's way of handling with his fear of losing Obi and distancing himself from him?

Can't wait to find out

 

Excellent post capturing Qui-Gon's desperate need for Obi-Wan's presence in his life and his growing fears of impending loneliness. The image of the man despairing over the dish water was hauntingly poignant.

Your take on the undergoing of Jedi trials and their passage is an intriguing and sensible concept. I liked that the prideful master felt his apprentice had earned his knighthood at least seven times over, confidently believing that Obi's successful transition was a foregone conclusion.

Eagerly awaiting your next installment!

 

Hannah - I'm dumbfounded! OK - almost dumbfounded (and there really are NO pods in MY basement). I find myself filled with empathy and sympathy for the man that I have frequently categorized as a bonehead - and I'm not completely ready to throw in the towel yet. But you are doing an excellent job of painting a portrait of a very different man from the one so many of us see in TPM.

I do agree, as I've said before, that his actions - if we accept JA sources as legitimate - are based on a painful history, from which very few could recover without bearing some horrendous scars - emotional and spiritual scars that would forever effect his ability to interact with others or to allow himself to love and/or be loved. And I like where you're going with this.

And if that surprises anyone, let me put it like this: if there's anyone on these boards who doesn't know that I think Obi-Wan hung the moon - well - they must be recently arrived from Jupiter's moons or something. I would love to be able to believe that his Master truly appreciated what he had - and that he did NOT suffer repeated desertions from those he loved most.

MOre soon, Hannah. I'm crossing my fingers for you - and, just as an aside, if you get half a chance, you might want to take a peek at The Hardest Lesson or Meanwhile, Back at the Starship, both of which PROVE that I don't always hate him; my hatred is very selective.

CYN

 

That was a wonderful post, Hannah ! I think you're doing a beautiful job showing Qui-Gon's feelings of losing his son . I almost wanted to cry just from reading it. But keep going. I love it!

 

Hannah, I wish you all the luck in the world, and give you the promise of a cookie as a reward when you pull it off. Sound good?

Excellent chapter. This is how I like my Qui...well, second only to the complete lunkhead of a Qui...

I cannot wait to see how you will reconcile TPM with your Qui. It will be interesting (and enjoyable, no doubt) to read. Oooo, now I'm all excited.

~Antigone

 

**thud** I just read Cyn's comments.

Unbelievable job Hannah if you can make Cyn sit up and take notice, there's no telling where you can go with this

 

Hannah: (timidly) Hello? Is anyone still here?
Scary Hannibal-like voice: Hello Hannah.
Hannah: Who are you?
Scary Hannibal-like voice: I'm the claimer of abandoned threads. Go too long without posting, and I show up to feast on your readers (manical laugh).
Hannah: But Darth RL---
Scary Hannibal-like voice: Save it for someone who cares.
Hannah: (trembling) I have a post now. It'll be up tomorrow morning. Will that make you leave?
Scary Hannibal-like voice: Don't count on it Hannah. Your readers may not forgive you. Or maybe I've already eaten them. You could be stuck with me.
Hannah: (with false bravado) They'll come back.
Scary Hannibal-like voice: You just keep telling yourself that sister...
Glow rod goes off over Hannah's head.
Hannah: I know what you are! You're just an excuse to shameless up my story so that I can find it tomorrow morning!
Scary Hannibal-like voice: Am not!
Hannah: Are too!
Artoo rolls in and drags the owner of the scary voice away.

 

LittleJedi bounds into the room, lightsaber drawn.

DIE EVIL SCARY HANNIBAL-LIKE VOICE!!!!

*insert breathtaking, hair raising, and generally entertaining fight scene here*

LittleJedi skewers the ESHLV.

There ye are! Nothing to fear, for LJ is here!!

Wonderful post Hannah! Darn I wish i could capture emotions and just write as well as you.. heck, I'd be happy to write half as well as you!

LittleJedi sits and waits for the soon-to-arrive post.



LittleJedi - you'd never guess who wrote this post would you?

 

Still waiting - silently - but with great anticipation.

If you get a minute, take a peek at Like Tears in Rain. I would be really interested in your opinion.

CYN

 

Thanks for the rescue, Little Jedi.
Cyn, the same Darth RL that kept me from finishing this post hasn't allowed me to read much lately, but your story just got moved to the top of my list. I'll check it out as soon as I can.

Here's the post!
****************************************************
Qui-Gon wasn't sure how long he sat on the kitchen floor, his tears aggravating his stinging burns. Eventually he found himself staring blankly at the glass shards surrounding him on all sides. In his absentmindedness, he had forgotten to sweep the floor before resuming his work on the dishes. He felt completely drained, but he couldn't help but crack a small smile at the thought of how strange he must have looked at that moment. It wasn't often that one found a Jedi Master sitting in a pool of water, his hands burned and his eyes puffy, surrounded by a mess of broken glass. If Obi-Wan were to come home and find him like this?

Obi-Wan. The name generated a hollow pain in Qui-Gon's heart as his thoughts returned to what had brought him to this miserable state. Obi-Wan was about to become a Jedi Knight. And instead of celebrating his student's success, Qui-Gon had descended into despair. Some master he was.

"Enough," Qui-Gon whispered out loud. "Enough of this self-indulgent wallowing." Focusing his attention on the here and now, he reached out to the Force. This time, he knew what emotion had clouded his mind, and he successfully released his fear. It passed through him, taking the all its specters of a lonely future with it. Breathing deeply, Qui-Gon felt at peace for the first time since Master Yoda had asked about Obi-Wan's academic requirements. Continuing to breath slowly and deeply, Qui-Gon stood, retrieved a broom, and began gathering the glass fragments.

In his serene state, Qui-Gon was finally able to objectively examine his reaction to Yoda's revelation. When viewed dispassionately, the strength of his resistance to the idea of releasing his padawan surprised him. Had he not gone through this rite of passage twice before? He could not recall ever being this devastated when either of his previous padawans approached knighthood. Qui-Gon had eagerly awaited Xanatos's knighting, because it would have finally proven to everyone that he had been right about the boy all along. When Yoda had told him that the mission to Telos would be Xanatos's last test before the Council granted him candidate status, Qui-Gon had felt vindicated. He had been so proud that it never occurred to him to regret the end of his beloved padawan's apprenticeship. Qui-Gon had a hazy memory of regretting the end of this first padawan's training, but he certainly hadn't ended up crying on the kitchen floor. Then again, her knighthood hadn't been thrown at him by a meddling little troll; Qui-Gon had been in complete control of her rise to candidate status. The Council had agreed with him immediately, but he had brought the issue to them without prompting. Yet Qui-Gon couldn't place all the blame on the unexpected nature of Obi-Wan's promotion. Deep down he knew that he would never be completely ready to release Obi-Wan, which was probably the reason Yoda had forced the issue.

Then a long-forgotten memory floated through Qui-Gon's mind: sobbing outside Xanatos's room in the pediatrics wing of the medcenter when the boy was not expected to live. He hadn't taken Xani as a padawan yet, but he had already chosen him as his next apprentice. The knowledge that there was an initiate eagerly awaiting his chance to be Qui-Gon's padawan had made his first padawan's rise to knighthood bearable. In hindsight, Qui-Gon wondered how much of his despair back then had been related to the fact that his first padawan had just passed her trials and that without Xani he had no one to care for.

Was that why Obi-Wan's upcoming promotion disturbed him so? Because he had no plans to replace him? Qui-Gon frowned thoughtfully. He had always implicitly assumed that Obi-Wan would be his last apprentice, but he had never give

 

Sheer magic, Hannah - After repeating myself to insist that I do NOT really hate the big lug - most of the time - I do admit to being impatient with the tunnel vision with which he seems to be terminally afflicted in so many fics.

But not here. Here you are beginning to make your case for where you want to go - and I am listening - so far - still skeptical but willing, I think, to be convinced.

Really excellent introspection - and a glimpse of a deep and abiding pride in his apprentice that we seldom see, whether in the film - or in fan fiction - which always sets my teeth on edge; I mean, how could you look at that perfect vision and not be filled with pride - if you're a masterful Master. On the other hand, if you're of the distaff persuasion, we also know what one is filled with - and why it should remain unnamed on these G-rated boards.

CYN