For the Sake of Peace (JA and my first fan fic)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by greencat336, Apr 29, 2001.

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  1. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    This is my first fan fic. Please give me feedback. Be as harsh and brutal as you need to be. Let me know if I'm wasting time and energy (mine in writing and yours in reading.) Should I keep going or just humblely go back to reading?


    ********************************************


    Qui-gon Jinn and his Padawan Learner, Obi-Wan Kenobi stood before the Jedi Council awaiting their next mission.

    ?A year ago, the Jedi helped negotiate the end of the war between the Dneist and the Gdansk on the world of Ptedesh. The conflict between the two ethnic groups had been fought off and on for the past several hundred years. This is the longest a peace settlement has lasted,? said Mace Windu.

    ?A single planetary government has been formed, made up of officials from both ethnic groups. We were contacted by the Secretary of Customs and Intersystem Trade Inspections Kerslun Alden. He believes that there may be a great deal of corruption within the Department of Customs and Inspection for the city of Sjateratin. He suspects the Head of Department, Renyo Tholiel, is involved, possibly covering up smuggling and other illegal activities,? continued Ki-Adi-Mundi.

    ?Fear he does, accusing the local Head. Of different ethnic groups they are. Seen as an attack based on that it may be. Ignite hostilities again, such accusations it could,? Yoda added.

    ?Secretary Alden attempted to use a private investigator to verify the truth of the possible corruption, before he publicly brought charges against anyone. The investigator disappeared and has not been heard from for several weeks,? Plo Koon said. ?The Jedi have been asked to assist in determining if there is any illegal activity being conducted. However, the Secretary does not wish to cause any incident which may threaten the fragile peace.?

    Adi Galla concluded, ?You are to investigate the accusations against Tholiel, without alerting anyone that such an investigation is taking place. Your mission is intelligence gathering only. If the rumors are true, the Secretary will file charges against those involved in accordance with the newly established government. If the rumors are false, accusing an innocent man and endangering the peace will be avoided. Furthermore, you will not let anyone know you are Jedi. There is a certain level of hostility towards Jedi on the planet. There are many on both sides that feel the Jedi favored the other in the peace settlement. Your transport leaves this evening. When you arrive you will meet the Secretary at his home.?

    ?May the Force be with you.?

    ********************************************************

    Secretary Alden lived in a upscale residential area, near the Capital?s main government buildings. The Jedi, dressed in nondescript slacks and shirts, were escorted by a servant into the room used as Alden?s home office. The Secretary was waiting for them. Both Jedi were shocked by the horrible scars across Alden?s face. The left side was horribly twisted, his left ear was gone, his left eye had been replaced by a cyborg implant. Qui-gon, an experienced diplomat, was able to hide his reaction to the sight of the maimed face. Obi-wan, at fifteen, was much less successful at hiding his reaction.

    ?When I was seven, the transport I was on was blown up by a terrorist attack,? said Alden, mildly, unsurprised by Obi-wan?s reaction. ?My mother was killed. Both Dneistian and Gdanskian groups claimed responsibility for the bombing. During the war, medical supplies were severely limited. The medics could save my life, but not my face.?

    Obi-wan bowed, ?Forgive my rudeness, Secretary Alden.?

    Alden shook his head. ?There is nothing to forgive. I now refuse to have it repaired. It reminds me of the ugliness of our war. I do not want my children growing up in that world of hate and violence. We must bury the dead, forgive past injuries, and move forward.? He chuckled. ?Here I am making speeches, when I should be welcoming you. Please, sit. Would you like something to eat or drink??

    ?Thank you, b
  2. jade_angel Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 4, 2001
    star 4
    This is good, continue writing!
    More!!
  3. Kelly Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 23, 2000
    star 4
    Not a waste of time at all. I very much hope you continue!!!!!!
  4. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    This sounds good. Keep writing!
  5. princess-sari Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 20, 2000
    star 4
    You've caught my interest, greencat.
    Please write more soon! :)
  6. Abbi_Cee Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 3, 2000
    star 4
    This sounds interesting, please continue. :)
  7. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    This could be really great! Please more...
    I wonder about that Tari girl, I don't know something about the fact that she's a girl, and Alden is so sure she can be trusted makes me wonder... boy I *am* paranoid! :)
  8. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5

    Thank you so much for the positive comments. Here's the next part. Feedback is always welcome.

    *********************************************


    There had been a considerable amount of money left from the payment for their last run, even after supplies and repairs. Carra, Drew and Ryss good naturally argued about where they would celebrate their success, as they worked on their ship. Two large canines sprawled near the open hatch as the humans worked.

    The relaxed atmosphere was broken as the two canines suddenly became alert. The humans looked towards the source of the canines? actions. About 40 meters from them, a crowd of a dozen thugs surrounded a middle aged man and a boy in his mid-teens. Although too far away to hear clearly the conversation, it was obvious the lead thug was threatening the pair. Drew shrugged and went back to work. Such things were fairly common in the space ports they frequented. Ryss continued to watch in idle curiosity. Carra, however, seemed to be intensely watching the confrontation. When the lead thug swung at the middle aged man, she ran towards them brandishing her hydrospanner like a club. The canines followed close on her heels.

    ?What are you doing?? hollered Drew, even as he took off after her. Ryss grabbed a metal pipe and ran after them.

    ?We?ve got to help them,? replied Carra, over her shoulder.

    ?Why?? Drew demanded as he caught up with her.

    ?Who cares,? said Ryss with a wolfish grin. ?Let?s show them how its done.? She let out a loud war whoop as she charged the nearest thugs, swinging her pipe.

    Qui-gon dodged the first punch the man threw, easily. The next few punches thrown from a number of different sources became more difficult to avoid. The being surrounding them had demanded that they leave the planet, immediately. When Qui-gon indicated he did not intend to leave, the man attacked.

    Qui-gon and Obi-wan were not supposed to revel themselves as Jedi, which was why they were in regular clothes with their lightsabers hidden. However, it was quickly becoming apparent that they would have to choose between using their Force skills and a terrible beating. Out of the corner of his eye he saw his padawan knocked to the ground. Just as Qui-gon prepared to force throw the men attacking him, he heard the scream. A group of three humans in their early twenties and two large canines began to attack their attackers. A slender woman with short blond hair brought a hydrospanner down on a man?s forearm. The snap of breaking bone was audible from several feet away. A tall, slender man with spiked brown hair was using his fists on several of the men surrounding the prone Obi-wan. The source of the scream, a medium built woman with close cropped red hair was pounding her opponents with a pipe. One of the attackers screamed in pain as a gray and white canine bit into his arm. A rust and white canine ripped open the leg of another man.

    In short order, the attackers were on the retreat. Their leader took the time to shout one last threat.? You might have had help this time, but if we see you around here again we won?t warn you! You?ll just be dead.?

    The red haired woman responded to this with a suggestion involving an anatomically unlikely occurrence. The slender man was helping Obi-wan up. The blond was calling the canines back from chasing the retreating thugs.

    It didn?t appear that his padawan was too badly hurt, thank the Force. He sent a wordless inquiry of concern over their bond. *I?m fine, master. For a change.* came the reply.

    ?Thank you for your assistance? said Qui-gon.

    ?Any time, Jedi,? said the blond. It was a toss up to who looked more startled, the Jedi or the woman?s companions.

    ?Who are you and why do you think we are Jedi?? demanded Qui-gon. No one on this planet, except their contacts, was supposed to know who they really were.

    ?I?m Carra. That?s Drew,? she said, pointing to the man,? and she?s Ryss. Zach?s the gray and Zay?s the red canine. As for the ?why? that might tak
  9. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Just found this greencat and I must say for a first fic it's most impressive.

    A deep undercover mission, unable to reveal that they're Jedi. Great plot and story so far!

    Post often, post soon! :)
  10. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5

    A short post, but I think it has some good Qui & Obi interaction. What do you all think?

    *******************************


    Qui-gon and Obi-wan walked back to the small hotel where they were staying. Qui-gon could feel the unrest in his padawan. As expected, the questions eventually came.

    ?Master?? Obi-wan began.

    ?Yes, Obi-wan?? Qui-gon hid a smile. Often his methods were at odds with his Padawan?s idea of how things should be done. He knew that his Padawan would follow him faithfully down any path, but he knew just as certainly that at the end of the path Obi-wan would feel compelled to question the reasons behind any actions that did not strictly adhere to the Council?s rules.

    ?Those three were smugglers, weren?t they.? Obi-wan stated, rather than asked.

    ?Most likely.? Qui-gon agreed in an amiable voice.

    ?Yet you told them about our mission. Won?t they warn others about us? How can we trust them if they are also criminals??

    ?They did give us Aitois?s name, Padawan.?

    ?Master,? Obi-wan said in the slightly exasperated tone teens use on adults who are being a bit dense, ?We already had Aitois? name. We?ve spent the last three days investigating him and know he?s involved in illegal activities.?

    ?It?s still nice to get confirmation from professionals, ? Qui-gon said blandly. In a more serious manner he continued, ?What we must discover now is if Tholiel has any connection to Aitois or if Aitois is as far as the corruption goes. Also, I want to find out who our attackers are working for. I did not think we had been so obvious in our investigations as to warrant the kind of attention we drew this afternoon. We will watch Aitois, to see if any of those beings contact him and to find out who Aitois contacts. ?

    Qui-gon glanced at his apprentice and smiled. In a lighter tone he said, ?Even if the Ytrayuits gave us information we already had, they came to our defense when we were attacked. I have a feeling that they can be trusted. They are not evil. Ytrayuit just have a very different point of view when it comes to the appropriate behavior of young adults on their Journeys.?

    Obi-wan suppressed a sigh. He thought his Master tended to put too much trust in the various pathetic life forms they encountered in their travels. At least this time they weren?t going to be letting some stray tag along for the mission. And, as Qui-gon had said, they had prevented him from ending up at the Healer?s.
  11. Jedi Susie Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 12, 2000
    star 4
    "Obi-wan suppressed a sigh. He thought his Master tended to put too much trust in the various pathetic life forms they encountered in their travels"

    Poor kid, always getting those pathetic life forms into his business thanks to his Master...as a matter of fact the name of one particular lifeform who should have been left behind comes to mind **cough** Anakin **cough**

    Anyways, for a first story this is wonderful...heck for a 2nd or 3rd or 4th story it would be great. Keep those posts coming! :D
  12. jodiwent Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
    Glad I found this, only took three days.

    Keep going!
  13. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5

    The positive feedback is wonderful. I am, if you haven't guessed, very insecure about my writing ability. How insecure? Before this story my last attempt to write fiction was when I was about 12 years old. I'm now 31 years old. No, no one was horrible to me about my writing, I just never felt it was good enough.

    I would also very much appreciate any suggestions on how to improve what I've written. Positive reinforcement is fantastic, but constructive criticism would help also. Thanks again for reading this. More to come soon, I promise.
  14. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5

    As promised, here's the next instalment. I had fun with this one, putting in a reference to my favorite film (after SW of course :) ) Qui & Obi aren't in this one, but they'll be in the next one. Also, in a couple of more scenes -- Obi-torture!

    Enjoy!

    *********************************




    Carra, Drew and Ryss had decided that although the Jedi didn?t seem interested in pursuing their connections to smuggling, it might be wise to leave earlier than they had originally planned. When they had delivered their original cargo, a few days before, their contact had given them a tip on finding their next job. Thus, the three of them ended up that evening at Rik?s Café Amarakana. Everyone, their contact assured them, comes to Rik?s.

    Rik?s was crowded with different species, the buzz of multiple languages was off set by the sound of a band being lead by a dark skinned human on an acoustic keyboard. As the trio were lead to their table, they overheard a half dozen deals being made, some legal, some not.

    When the waiter approached, Drew spread a number of credits on the table. After placing their order, Drew causally said, ?We?ll be lifting off planet as soon as we can find cargo. We?d be very grateful if someone could hook us up with a client.?

    The waiter swept the credits up and quietly told them, ?I?ll place your order immediately.?

    Shortly after the waiter brought them their appetizer, a thickly built being with orange bumpy skin sat at their table. ?I hear you?re looking for off planet cargo. No questions asked.?

    Drew waited for Carra?s slight nod, indicating she?d sensed he wasn?t an undercover cop or intended a double cross. ?We?re looking for cargo, but we don?t fly blind. What is it??

    ?What do you care as long as you?re paid?? growled the being.

    ?We won?t handle live cargo, for one thing,? Drew firmly stated. It was an euphemism for saying they wouldn?t ship slaves.

    Leaning forward, the orange being said, ?Its Majipar Brandy. So, you interested??

    Majipar Brandy was a very rare and expensive commodity, its distribution strictly regulated to keep it that way. The more scarce an object, the higher its value. Even at Invisible Market prices, it was usually cheaper than buying it directly from the Majipar. Easier, too. Part of the allure of the Brandy was the company would only sell it to the rich, powerful, and famous.

    ?How interested we are depend on how much you?re willing to pay,? Drew said.

    After several minutes of bargaining, a fee was agreed upon. The orange being?s people would deliver the Majipar Brandy to their ship in five days time. Half of the trio?s fee would be paid then, the rest on the safe delivery of the cargo. It was longer than they wanted to be on planet, but the fragile bottles took extra effort to ship. Even with the delay, soon they?d be gone from here. What was best of all, from Drew?s perspective, was the delivery point was several systems away from the smuggling investigating Jedi.

    Later in that evening, Ryss sat comfortably at their table, sipping an after dinner kaf, watching Carra and Drew dance. They made a good pair, Ryss thought. It was no secret that her friends would marry when they finally returned home. No hurry, though. None of them were tired of the adventure yet . . . lazily, she turned her attention to the others who filled the Café. The conversation in the next booth, separated from her by a wall of vines, caught her ear. Suddenly, she was no longer casually people-watching.

    ?. . . two of them defeat a dozen of your men.? The first voice said angrily.

    ?They had help, a bunch of fighters with canines.? The second voice said defensively. ?We?ll get them next time.?

    ?Forget it. I?m bringing in others to deal with those two troublemakers. They won?t be around to interfere for much longer. For now you just concentrate on the latest shipment. It?ll be here in two days, make sure everything gets off loaded all right and sent out to the camp. Have your men at docking bay 38, secti
  15. KSkywalker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 7, 1998
    star 3
  16. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    First off, let me tell you something I've discovered about many of the wonderful, highly talented writers on this board.

    Most of us seem a tad insecure about our writing but this forum with it's very friendly readers is the perfect place to allow our minds to run free.

    Secondly, I love the chraacters of Carra, Drew and Ryss, they seem so real! The discussion of whether to help the Jedi or not was superb and their own translation of 'if it's the will of the Force' was perfect!
  17. Jemmiah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2000
    star 5
    Ooooh this is good! Another story to get my teeth into! Keep going greencat, this is a wonderful start!
  18. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5

    Kskywalker & Jemmiah -- Thanks! :)

    Healer Leona -- I agree with what you say about this forum being a safe place to post. Even though I was very nervous about posting my first story, I knew I wouldn't be crucified even if it was terrible.
    As to the realism of Carra, Drew and Ryss ::::greencat blushes::::: The truth is they were easy to write because they are based on real people. I jus had to think how they'd react. How are the portrayals of Qui-gon and Obi-wan? Am I doing OK with them? Does it seem they are acting in character?

    Well, enough of my rambles, on with the story.

    ***********************************


    To give him a bit of a break from their stakeout, Qui-gon had sent Obi-wan to pick up some food for the two of them. Obi-wan cut through an alleyway, hurrying back carrying the bag of take out. He had only a moment?s warning as the Weequay stepped in front of him and opened fire with a blaster. Diving to the side, Obi-wan dodged the blaster bolt. Dropping the bag, he tucked into a roll and came up with his lightsaber in hand.

    The blue blade blurred as it blocked the hail of blaster fire. Confidently, Obi-wan began to advance towards the Weequay. If he could disarm his attacker without killing him, Obi-wan thought, he could question him about who sent him. Maybe this was the opportunity to find the connection between Aitois and Tholiel that he and his master had been looking for.

    Splitting his concentration between the moment and the future, Obi-wan did not notice the beings behind him. Two blaster shots rang out, one of the bolts passing by centimeters from his shoulder.

    Drawing the Force to him, Obi-wan leapt over the Weequay in front of him, slashing downward. The Weequay fell, hitting the ground at the same time Obi-wan landed on his feet, bringing his lightsaber up to prepare for the next onslaught.

    Obi-wan saw the male Ytrayuit standing with his blaster drawn, over the body of a second Weequay. Warily, Obi-wan stayed in a ready stance. ?I thought you weren?t supposed to kill anyone.?

    ?Relax, kid,? Drew said, holstering his blaster. ?If I wanted you fried, I would have just let ugly do it. And the not killing rule doesn?t count when defending oneself or another from a lethal attack.?

    Obi-wan studied Drew for several seconds, then deactivated his lightsaber. Putting the hilt back under his jacket, he walked back down the alley. ?Thanks, that?s two I owe you.?

    Drew grinned, ?I?m about to make it three. Ryss overheard a conversation last night that might interest you and Jinn.? Nudging the body with his foot, he continued, ?Part of it was about sending some heavy hitters to take care of two troublemakers. Guess you already figured out about that. The other thing was about a shipment coming in tomorrow night at docking bay 38, section 11, one that your attackers from the other day are going to be unloading and taking to some camp. Thought you might like to know.?

    ?Why? ? asked Obi-wan, puzzled. The man had seemed so unwilling to help the other day. Even now, he could sense the other man wished to be somewhere else.

    ?Isn?t that what you and Jinn are investigating? Information like that might assist you.? Drew spoke as if to an idiot.

    ?No,? Obi-wan blushed slightly, ?I meant why are you helping us? You don?t seem to want to get involved in this.?

    Shrugging his shoulders, Drew said, ?Carra?s got a soft spot for Jedi. You?re right in that I wouldn?t bother, but it makes her happy. Anyway, try and watch your back from now on. I won?t always be passing by. Good luck.? Before Obi-wan had a chance to say anything, Drew was striding away.

    ?There?s no such thing as luck,? muttered Obi-wan. Picking up the bag containing their dinner, he headed back to his master. As he went he thought about the Ytrayuit?s words and actions.


    **********************************************************

    ?Any trouble?? Qui-gon asked when his apprentice returned.

    ?A little. I was attacked by two Weequay. The Ytrayuit Drew came
  19. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Greencat, you portrayal of Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan are right on the mark. The way Obi-Wan questioned his master as to the necessity of telling the smugglers why they were there. Obi's questioning Drew over his help. All very much in character and well written! :)!
  20. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    Short post, more later

    *********************


    Drew looked up from the water recycling unit he had been tinkering with. Ryss was curled up in the corner of the couch, reading. Zay was stretched out on the floor next to her. Reaching down absently to scratch the sleeping Zach?s ears, Drew watched Carra restlessly pace around the room, rearranging plant containers, picking up random items and putting them down in nearly the same place.

    Sighing, Drew stood up and went to the storage locker. How can I lose an argument we didn?t even have, he wondered wryly.

    Tossing a blaster to Ryss, then Carra, he said, ?Zach and Zay seem a little restless. How about we take them for a walk? I hear Section 11 is nice this time of night.?


  21. greencat336 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2001
    star 5
    Here's the next section. Enjoy. Obi-torture coming soon.

    Feedback is always nice!

    *************************************


    From their hiding place, Qui-gon and Obi-wan watched the freighter land at docking bay 38. A holocam was set up, to record any action and those involved. Both of the Jedi were armed with blasters. They were only planning on observing, but it was wise to be prepared for trouble. Qui-gon had insisted they use the blasters. Lightsabers would too easily identify them as Jedi. Their lightsabers would remain hidden under their jackets.

    Among the workers around the freighter were several of the beings they had fought with days before. The cargo bay doors opened and several large boxes were unloaded. Next guards escorted several children of various species down the ramp. The children were chained together in a slave line, the collars around their necks connected to each other with a thick black wire.

    ?Master,? whispered Obi-wan. ?We can?t let them take the children away as slaves.?

    ?I agree. We will free them eventually,? Qui-gon whispered back. ?But for now we must be patient.? He pointed to a female Rodian, who was giving orders to the workers and the guards. She would occasionally look at her chrono, then look out at the distance. ?We need to know who else may arrive.?

    The next beings to arrive where ones neither the slavers nor the Jedi would have predicted. Blaster fire erupted and the guards surrounding the children fell. Ryss and Drew laid down cover fire as Carra, in a running crouch, dashed out to the children. Grabbing the control box for the slave collars from a dead slaver?s hands, Carra herded the children to cover.

    The Rodian woman screamed orders to the slavers diving for cover. Seeing more and more of her companions cut down by blaster fire, she ran towards a swoop parked near the ship. Cursing under his breath, Qui-gon broke out of hiding, hoping to catch her. Obi-wan following close behind, blaster drawn and set to stun.

    Qui-gon?s way was blocked by a large human swinging a crowbar at him. As Qui-gon dealt with his attacker, Obi-wan continued to chase after the Rodian. Seeing Drew was closer, he yelled out, ?Don?t let her get away.?

    The Rodian jumped on the swoop and took off, just as Drew and Obi-wan got near. At the same time they spotted what must have been one of the slaver?s speeders. Obi-wan reached it a heartbeat before Drew, leaping behind the controls. For a moment it seemed Drew would challenge this, but instead he climbed into the passenger seat. He had barely gotten in when Obi-wan started the speeder, chasing after the Rodian.

    They pursued the swoop through the semi-deserted section of the space port, swerving through twisted streets and alleys. Drew stood slightly, trying to get a clear blaster shot at the Rodian. ?Use stun, we want to question her,? Obi-wan ordered. Without replying, Drew switched his blaster control. He figured it was the Jedi?s prey, so the Jedi could call the hunt.

    The swoop lead them out of the city and into the hilly suburbs. Although the road was still curvy, it had straightened out enough that Drew was able to draw a bead on his target. Just around this next bend, he thought.

    Just around the next bend were two speeders parked length wise across the road. There was just enough room between them for the swoop to fly through the gap. The Rodian had managed to make a comm call for help. Obi-wan cranked the speeder tightly to the side, as several bolts of blaster fire hit the vehicle. The speeder crashed into the side of the hill, throwing both occupants into the air. Although Obi-wan was able to cushion their impact slightly with the Force, they still hit the ground hard.

    Obi-wan felt himself losing consciousness from the impact. Using the last of his fading strength he pushed the lightsaber that would reveal him as a Jedi under some near by brush. Darkness then rushed up to claim him.

    As Drew lost consciousness, his one thought was I knew I should have driven.
  22. Emma3Jane Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2000
    star 1
    Hi greencat336!

    I just found this story! Interesting original characters!
    I liked the backstory about their 'Journeys' as young adults. Intriguing custom, and planetary culture.

    I imagine Qui-Gon is not going to be too happy about the trio's help this time. He didn't have time to learn who controls this smuggling activity.

    Also, you left your readers with a cliff hanger! :eek:

    More story, please?

    E3J
  23. jodiwent Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
    I thought I had responded to this more than I have.

    Anyway, loved that last post, and want to know how they are, and how will they save the kids!
  24. Jedi Susie Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 12, 2000
    star 4
    A very nice cliff hanger...well, really those are NEVER EVER nice, but none-the-less, you've really kept my attention.

    I'm enjoying learning about the new characters as you post instead of just getting a TON of info. in one post. We're growing with the characters and that's always good.

    You know, this is probably the most petty thing you'll EVER hear, but, normally, it's Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon with the last part of their name capitalized. I guess I'm so use to seeing stories like that that it stands out when it's not. I'm truly sorry for being a pest.

    I look forward to the Obi-torture :D

    Oh and love that last line; "As Drew lost consciousness, his one thought was I knew I should have driven." Too funny!!
  25. p_stotts Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 21, 2001
    star 4
    Great story, greencat336! You're a terrific writer! Post more soon!
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