Beyond - Legends Forever More (LOTF AU)

Hey guys, stormtroop here. Since I'm not quite ready to begin the story, I have a character list here for you, which may give some small hints as to what'll be going down here. I'll save some other announcements until later.
Dramatis Personae
Allana; child (human female)
Ben Skywalker; Jedi Apprentice (human male)
C-3PO; protocol droid
Cilghal; Jedi Master ( Mon Calamari female)
Han Solo; captain, Millennium Falcon (human male)
Jacen Solo; Jedi Knight (human male)
Jaina Solo; Jedi Knight, Sword of the Jedi (human female)
Leia Organa Solo; Jedi Knight, princess (human female)
Lumiya (formerly Shira Brie); Sith Lady (human female)
Mara Skywalker; Jedi Master (human female)
R2-D2; astromech droid
Tenel Ka; Queen Mother of Hapes Consortium (female human)

 

Okay, it's story time! Remember, feedback is always appreciated. Some basic housekeeping stuff will follow the prolouge.
Prolouge: 40 ABY, Coruscant, Senate Office Building
Like a shining jewel, burning away the cold, black void of space, the planet Coruscant had long been the seat of galactic government. Representatives from thousands of worlds convened in the Senate Hall to discuss crirtical galactic matters. Located across from the Senate building were the offices of those senators, and the office of the Chief of State of the Galactic Fedaration of Free Alliances. These buildings were symbols of democracy and order throughout the known galaxy.

Which was why they were both in flames.

Officials had long since cleared the area around the buildings, and the streets were empty, except for one figure. This man was walking towards the fires, not running like so many others had been just a few short hours before. His steps were slow and deliberate, his black boots clacking on the smooth pavement. This man was highly respected, and was a valued member of the Jedi Order, and had been for quite some time. People said he was the perfect Jedi. They had no idea how wrong they were.

This man's name was Jacen Solo. He wasn't a Jedi, not anymore. What he currently was roughly translates to demon.

So how was that? Not bad for my first try, eh? I will try to respond to your coments and questions as best I can, but it may be a little while before I can get to you. Also, I have yet to work out a posting schedule, so just check in now and then to see what's up. Announcements and such will always be in red and bolded, so you'll have to try extra hard to miss them. That's all for now. Until next time...

 

You peaked my curiosity, but I will reserve judgement until more is posted.

 

Don't worry, more is coming soon. Glad you found it interesting.

 

It's been a while since I've seen this place.... (blows dust). Life has been crazy lately, and I could hardly find the time to work on this. Fortunately, I have returned with a new chapter. Enjoy!
Chapter One: 40 ABY, Senate Office Building
Jacen Solo continued to walk at a brisk pace, the flames in the plaza around him reflecting off of the hilt of his emerald lightsaber. He eventually reached the main entrance of the offices, and found that the turbolift to his destination was still intaact. As he ascended, he thought about why he was doing this. Was it worth it? He found his self-confidence diminishing, as he rubbed his eyes in frustration. He thought of his family, Tenel Ka, little Allana, and everyone else he was close to. He reconsidered his purpose again, but his thoughts were interrupted as the lift came to a halt. He stepped out, into the hallway that precedes the office of The Cheif of State of The Galactic Fedaration of Free Alliances. He scanned the room, relatively exempt from the damage below. And then he saw her.
Jaina Solo lay slumped against the wall just before the locked door to the Cheif's office. She looked up at him and gave him a cruel, angry smile. "I love what you've done with the place.", she mocked. "Lumiya sure has a killer decorating sense." He looked at her with tired eyes. "I didn't come here to fight you, Jaya. Believe it or not, I'm not out for my family's blood." It was then that he noticed the blood seeping from a wound in her abdomen. "Oh yeah?", she asked. "Could've fooled me." I don't have time for this, he thought. Stepping around her, he went towards the sealed office door. It was then that she lunged for him, sweeping his legs and sending them both tumbling into the office. Recovering first, Jacen looked up and saw his entire family, restrained in various spots around the room. "Welcome, my friend. I knew you'd come." He didn't bother searching for the speaker. The cold, metallic tone already betrayed her identity.
"Lumiya."

 

Finally back with an update. I've finally found time for this now that school's over for the holidays. Reviews are always appreciated.
Chapter Two: 40 ABY, Office of The Chief of State
"I see you're observant as always, my student. It's a quality which will serve you well in the coming days." There she was again. Lumiya, much like his teacher Vergere, always spoke cryptically, as if life was some big game, and he was the always-manipulated pawn. He forgot all about his injured sister, his horrified parents, his digusted aunt, his terrified cousin. She did this. She ruined his life. Everything would have worked fine. He would be happy, his family would love him, the galaxy would be safe, he could be with Tenel Ka and Allana again... But Lumiya and her damned ego got in the way. She had to have the last laugh; the final victory over Luke Skywalker and Leia Organa, and watch her enimies literally crumble under her opressive fist. He drew his lightsaber quickly, and held the gleaming emerald point at her throat. "You've ruined everything. I was going to save them all. I told you before that this wasn't how I wanted things done." he said, the venom in his voice capeable of scaring off a starving rancor. "Ah, yes, I do seem to recall you saying something like that. You'll have to forgive me. Things don't run as smoothly when you're my age." He could tell she was grinning under the mask. "I'm going to wipe that grin off your face. After I'm done, you'll be nothing but a greasy stain on the floor." Still, she was grinning. How was she amused by this? Finally, anger and rage that had been boiling since his first visit with the Embrace of Pain, the first time he learned that his hatred was a usefu tool, emerged from inside him. "YOU'RE DEAD! DO YOU HEAR ME!? DEAD!'' He reared back and swung, trying to lop off her head. But she was fast, and backed away, feeling the air ionize around her. Jacen's attacks were wild, clumsy, and driver by primal rage. All the long years of training and discipline had been forgotten, in favor of blunt force and powerful, slow, strikes. This was too easy. Lumiya hadn't even drawn her lightwhip, slowly backing up to the large window that overlooked the city. Jacen believed he had the advantage. He would send her crashing through the glass, and relish in her screams and the sound of metal and bone meeting concrete. But it never came. At least, not to him. He aimed to knock her out with a powerful downward slice. He made his move, and the blade gouged the floor. From behind she kicked her leg out, heard the crack of bone, a cry of suprise, and breaking glass. Jacen Solo fell without a word, fell hundreds of strories down. He was still falling when she turned. She wanted to see the anguish of his family when the impact came. A few seconds later, a sound that was a cross between a wet plop and a thud came, followed by breaking glass. As tears flowed from their eyes, she stepped away and looked down. Ironically, the body had landed on Jacen's hastily parked speeder. All was silent, except for a faint beeping. This suprised Lumiya. She certaintly hadn't put another bomb up here- Then she saw. A small carbon bomb attachted to a chair. Jacen had planted it during his entrance. "The clever little-" And then the air literally erupted in smoke and flame incinerating the upper floors of the building and its occupants. After the explosion, all that was heard was the crackle of flames and large chunks of glass hitting the sidewalk.
Nothing like a suspenseful ending, eh? Believe me, this isn't the end. There are (maybe 2 at the least) chapters left in this little story, so stay tuned for more.

 

This is not a bad start, and the action is pretty good. However, you might want to add a little back story, as this would make each chapter a bit longer and more involved. You've also got a large list of characters for such a relatively short story, so the back story would be helpful. Some ideas: Why is Jaina in the Chief-of-State's hallway? What did Jacen have planned? Is this before or after Jacen assumes the role of Chief-of-State?

I would also add some paragraph breaks. It makes it much easier to read when you break up every dialouge line into it's own paragraph. Hope this helps.

 

Chapter Three: 36 ABY, Two Days Post "Swarm War"
"Jacen? Jacen, can you hear me?"

There was a voice. A woman's voice. Familiar, but not so that he could place it immediately. It sounded tinny, like a comm line with bad reception. It was funny. Jacen Solo didn't know dead people could still hear. From what he'd heard, The Force was supposed to be beautiful, a place of blinding white light and pure bliss. This place was blindingly white, but it smelled like antibiotics and hand soap. The owner of the voice was shaking him, gently, as to not disturb the... bandages? No, this definitely wasn't death. Maybe it was one of the Corellian hells? He'd never bought his father's stories, but maybe... Then the vision came back. The woman was thin, similarly patched up, and had red hair. Hoping for Tenel Ka, he blinked a few more times. No, not his lover. Aunt Mara. He sighed.

"Was that disappointment?" she asked, a bemused look on her face.

"No, I was, uh, hoping for someone else." he said, his face becoming flushed.

"If it's any comfort, the queen did pay you a visit yesterday. I'm supposed to give you her love." She said love in a way that indicated that she found the whole thing ridiculous.

"Where are we?" he asked, quickly changing the subject.

" The medical ship Healing Star, en route to Coruscant. In case you've forgotten, you were nearly eviscerated saving my life."

"Oh, yeah. That."

Mara's face took on a more serious look. "We nearly lost you. Cilgahl found you out in the hall, bleeding all over the place. What were doing, trying to escape?" she asked.

"I must've been sleepwalking." he said. He suspected it was because of that awful dream...or vision. He had yet to decide what it was.

"Well, almost dying has got everyone riled up. We've all been sleeping in the waiting room."

"All of you?" he asked in disbelief.

"Well, I sent Ben away with Lando. I didn't want him around in case..." She trailed off, and he understood her implications.

"Jaina?"

"She's fine. We managed to disconnect her from the hive, but she's been on meds to supress any... insectoid desires."

"I see." he said, a little disappointed. Jaina had always gone her own way, and even he had fallen under the Killiks' sway at first. But he hadn't know she would take it so far, to lead the bugs into battle. It seemed their family was born to defend "just causes", no matter how ridiculous or dangerous. But he was glad to know they were all still alive. "So when can I go see them?" he asked, shifting his weight slightly. He nearly screamed in pain. Even the Embrace hadn't hurt that bad...

"Whoa there." Mara said, moving to support him. "Why don't I get everyone else, and you wait here." She got up from her chair, and moved towards the door. He noticed she was limping significantly. Jacen hated feeling this helpless. He couldn't fight his dreams, couldn't fight Lomi Plo, couldn't even get out of the damn bed. You've done it this time, Solo, he thought. You're a real champ.

 

Whoa, I totally did not expect a dream sequence!

I'm not sure I ever thought the Killik's to be a 'just cause', but it is good to know that Jaina will get out of her 'hive' mindset. Look on the bright side, Jace, you did save Mara, so you're not totally useless.

So, if this is just a vision, I am interested in finding out where you plan on taking this.

 

SiouxFan: Actually, the dream and its ending were not part of my original draft, but I thought about and realized that everything started going downhill around the Swarm War. Thanks for your input!

 

Chapter Four- 36 ABY, Three Days Post "Swarm War"
"So, uh...how are you feeling?" Jacen asked, unsure of what exactly to say to his sister.

"Head hurts, and the rest of our... my body is numb. Thanks for asking" she said sarcastically. Jacen sighed. He had known she would be difficult to talk to. After her swearing never to fly with him again, and him causing the whole war, he had anticipated that their talk would be uncomfortable, to say the least.

"How's Zekk?" he asked, hoping to avoid a fight. But she didn't take the bait.

"I know what you're trying to do." she said angrily. "You're trying to distract me, take advantage of what you caused! Jacen the pacifist, huh? Do you have any idea what you've done? The pain you caused me? I can't even walk outside my room without being called a traitor, or worse! And it's all your fault!" she cried, tears of anger and desperation leaking from her eyes.

"I'm sorry." he said, more weakly than he would've liked.

"Sorry? SORRY? After what you did, you have the nerve to..." she trailed off, and began pacing the room. And then Jacen saw the real problem. Jaina was hugging the sides of her body, still pacing, tears streaming down her face.

"Jaya..." he said, hoping her childhood nickname would get her attention. "It doesn't take a Jedi to see what the real problem is." She stopped, and looked over. "You don't have to hide your feelings from me. I know what's happening to you." She came closer, then sat down on the edge of his bed.

"They hate me." she said suddenly, startling her brother. "I know they do. I can feel it. They don't love me anymore." A new wave of emotion hit her, and she began sobbing.

"C'mere." he said, pulling her next to him. She didn't resist. She cried into his shoulder as he ran his free hand through her hair. "When I escaped from the Vong on Coruscant, I felt the same way. Like no one trusted me, and never would again." He paused, cupping her chin is hand, and she looked up, two sets of identical eyes meeting each other. "You were the only person I felt safe around at first. I felt like I was home when I saw you again" he said, his own voice cracking. She was silent for a few seconds, mulling over his words.

"Sith, Jacen." she said. She grabbed hod of his hands, squeezed them tight, and didn't let go until the lights dimmed at midnight.

***************************************************************************************************************************************************************************************
"She's been in there a while." Han Solo observed, his wife next to him. "Whaddya think's happening?" he asked.

"Something they both needed" Leia observed, "but were too afraid to admit." They were silent several moments.

"Damn Jedi talk." he said, the Solo grin lighting up his face.

She smiled back. She was going to say something about paying the piper, but he stopped her with a kiss. "Kids." he said.

"An eternal mystery." she agreed. Maybe some things were better off left that way.

 

Holy crap, the scene I wanted to see in profic. The two of them should have been awesome. Instead.....dude, I'll stop before I rant for days.

IMO, Jaina shares some of the burden for the Swarm War, but that's a topic for later. Nice update. A little sooner between chapters perhaps?

 

Hi there! Woohoo! The first few posts were really riveting, and then to find out it was a dream/vision. Then the sibling talk between Jacen and Jaina. I love those kinds of things. I feel they're essential parts of the story, how people are feeling and helping each other vent. Instead of giving it just a sentence or worst yet, leaving it out altogether. Stormtropp, can I say buya? This looks like a we're not gonna do all the assinine LoTF things like for one thing, Ben's not gonna be alienated from his folks and Mara's not gonna go haring off to the back of wherever and just leave Luke a note. Like SiouxFan, I can rant as well. Looking forward to more.

 

Epilogue: 36 ABY, 2 Months Post "Swarm War"
"Do you believe in Force visions?" Jacen asked, staring into the headboard of the bed. He could feel her gentle lips tracing their way up his back, stopping occasionally to rest on a random scar.

"This one is new." Tenel Ka answered, seemingly unaware of his question. Jacen sighed. So it would be one of those nights. "In response to your question, my friend," She stopped briefly so she could move next to him."I think it depends on perception." He looked into her grey eyes quizzically . "I seem to remember a boy who called every dream he had a vision of the future." He smiled briefly at the memory. "The question is, what do you believe?" He paused. He hadn't exactly come for her psychiatric help, but the question had been nagging at him. Was his dream the future, or just a side effect of the painkillers? Before he could answer, he heard crying from the next room.

"I'll go get her." he said, slipping on his robe as he left. He passed by the guard droid's unblinking stare and went into thee nursery. Reaching out with the Force, he quickly found Allana's bond to him. He sent a wave of soothing peace as he picked up out of the crib. Jacen rocked her gently as he went into the kitchen and heated her bottle.
She was happily sucking away, eyes half closed, as he reentered Tenel Ka's chambers. Her face brightened when she saw her daughter. They spent the next few minutes staring in silent wonder as the infant finished he bottle and fell asleep.

"You were going to say something...about these visions you've been having." she prompted.

"That is a fact." he said, the use of her favorite teenage saying making her eyes roll. "I was going to say that none of that matters to me anymore." Tenel Ka looked at him in surprise. "I used to spend so much time thinking, questioning, that I forgot what was in front of me. And I paid a terrible price. I don't want to lose sight of what's important again, because I'm afraid I might not get it back." He shuddered, thinking of the way he was in his nightmare. Cold, callous, hateful. He didn't want his life to end up like that, consumed by fire and anger. "I promise to be with you, Tenel Ka. Now, and..." He didn't get to finish. She had pulled him into a deep kiss, one of love, of joy, of beauty, that gave a silent promise of love, for now, and forever more.

Fin

Well, that's it for this little story. It was my first attempt at writing, mainly so I could identify things that I liked and things that need work. Specail thanks to all who took the time to read and review. Until next time...

 

AAAAAAA!!! There are so many ways to run with this story. Not that I don't like the way you ended it, I do. I'll gladly take any and all TK/J mushiness, but still....

Nice ending! Thanks for the mushiness!

 

Indeed thanks for the mush.

 

I'll defiantly be reading this in the future.

Great cast btw!

 

You should continue the story. I like mush.

 

Thanks for all the support, guys! I hope you enjoyed reading this as much as I did writing.