Beyond - Legends Forgiveness- a Jacen Solo Fanfic

SiouxFan Exactly, thta´s probably the worst thing of the post NJO EU the loss of friendship between the characters. I´m glad you like my effort to bring it back.

Fourteen

Tenel Ka, take Allana and run! The words filled her mind as the purple blade cut into her brother´s chest. The time around her froze as Darth Caedus´s life came to an end.

She felt him again, her brother, Jacen. For a moment that lasted for a century and a blink, Jaina Solo felt her twin bond again. The connection to her brother that had always been there when they were young, that had connected them closer than any other Jedi. The bond that had remained with them for so long.

Until it had broken. Until Mykr, until she had left him to die to follow her thirst for revenge. He had saved them that day, Jacen Solo had saved the Jedi and paid a huge price for it. It had never been the same afterwards.

But now the connection was back, she could feel the pain in her brother´s chest and in his mind. That was impossible, her brother was dead. He had died in his fight against the true leader of the Vong saving the galaxy, while his mind was taken over by Caedus. Her parents had told her that, her uncle had told her that, everyone had told her Jacen was dead.

But now Jaina could feel him, her brother was here, maybe he always had been. She realized it in the same moment as she deactivated her lightsaber.

What had she done? She saw the terrible wound in Jacen´s chest and felt the pain it caused him. Her brother lost his balance and collapsed into her arms while the life left him. Jaina felt how he died.

What had she done? Her brother was dying in her arms and it was her fault. Memories floated her mind, memories of Jacen. How they had repaired a TIE fighter together, how they had searched for his rock lizard countless times. Jaina tried to understand what happened around her, she tried to understand why her brother died. Jacen trying to win over Tenel Ka´s heart with his bad jokes. Jacen who always cared for her, Jacen who would die because of her. She remembered the shadow academy, were she had been tricked into fighting him, she might even have killed him that day.

And this day, she had killed him. And the worst part, there was no trickery, she had chosen to kill him. Jaina had chosen to kill her brother.

She felt how his consciousness faded, how his mind left his body, only leaving flesh behind. She stared in his eyes. They were her eyes, the same brown again, nothing of the yellow she had seen before. Her brother was dead, and it was her fault.

He had tried to end the fight but she had refused to hear and now he was gone. The bond was gone and she was alone. She remembered what her uncle had told her about the Sword of the Jedi, she would always be alone, fighting against evil.

But what evil? Jacen was her brother, he shouldn´t be her foe. Tears filled her eyes as she looked in his face. He looked peaceful, his eyes half closed. He was dead, Jacen was gone.

Then she felt it, her left hand at his real hand, a pulse. Weak but there. Jaina looked up. Her right hand reached to his neck, a pulse. Her brother´s heart was still beating. He was uncurious but not dead. Jaina stared at his chest, still disbelieving. The wound looked terrible but Jaina had stopped her blade before it had cut too deeply. Jacen was still alive. But he was weak, without medical care he would soon die. Jaina didn´t know what to do, the only thing she knew was that she had to help him.
No matter what he had done, no matter what she had done. He was still her twin. Reaching out in the force, she did her best to keep her brother stable.

Her orders had been clear: She had been sent to kill him, no captives. But Jaina had enough of that, her brother would survive this day.

When Jaina awoke, her eyes met again with Jacen´s, only this time she lay on the ground while her brother sat above her.

"Are you okay?" he asked her and she saw worry in his eyes.

"I just had a dream." She made a pause before she continued. "About... the Anakin Solo." A sad expression filled Jacen´s face for a second, and Jaina could feel the pain this memory awoke in him.
"I´m sorry," he muttered and Jaina felt how his guilt tormented Jacen. She couldn´t imagine how much pain it was for him. In her life Jaina had made several wrong decisions and she had nearly fallen to the dark side but Jacen had done far more horrible things. His guilt is destroying him. After the duel on the Anakin Solo she had visited her brother several times in his cell, and every time she had asked herself if Jacen was truly regretting or if he tried to trick her. Every time she had been with him she had been more convinced that he was sincere, that her brother was truly himself again.

But there had always been doubts. Her parents had told her it would be too dangerous to let Jacen live, shortly before the battle. Her uncle had told her that Jacen had fallen too deep to be saved, that he could never be redeemed. And her father believed that Jacen had been dead since the Vong war. Guilt overcame Jaina when she thought of the mission to Mykr. She wished she had stayed with him, they could have escaped together and Jacen would never have been captured. Jacen had rarely spoken about the time with Vegere but Jaina knew whatever had driven her brother into darkness had started then.

And now he was her brother again, again the same boy who had told his bad jokes to them, trying to impress Tenel Ka, the same young man who had comforted her after Anni´s death, her best friend in this galaxy. She hated it seeing him this tormented.

"It´s okay," she told him. "You are not Caedus anymore. There is nothing to be sorry about." Jacen gave her a weak smile, they both knew her last sentence was a lie but it helped Jacen calm himself down.

"Thanks," Jacen said. Jaina was surprised how clear she felt Jacen´s feelings and how much they affected her. It had been four days now since the ambush and she had spent most of them talking with Jacen and sometimes, sometimes Jaina had the feeling their twin bond connected them again.
"How long did I sleep?" she asked her brother.

"A few hours," Jacen replied.

"Has something happened?" She already knew she answer before he told her.

"Nothing, for a moment I believed I saw another pod in the distance but it probably was just an asteroid."

After the imperials had captured the corvette they had searched for the pods in the asteroid field for several hours but they hadn´t found them so the TIE´s had returned to their mother ships and the fleet had left the system. They had asked themselves who their attackers were and for whom she worked.
Jag had told her that there were still some imperials loyal to Daala and her cause. And they were in the vast regions of the Outer Rim, the region of space were according to rumors still a few imperial warlords ruled over their small empires. But why had they attacked them without a warning just to board the ship? If they were trying to defend their territory, why hadn´t they tried to negotiate first? And if they were here to kill them, why had they boarded the ship? And why had they spent so much time searching for the escape pods?

"Do you think they will search for us?" Leah suddenly asked them.

Jaina looked up, the girl´s wound had healed in the last days but she had advised her to spare her shoulder for a few more days. The apprentice sat on one of the couches and looked at them. Jaina saw the worry in her face and wished she could assure her everything would be all right. But she couldn´t, because she didn´t knew if it would. They had found a small stock of food and water in the pod but that wouldn´t last forever.

"They will search for us, maybe they already do," Jacen assured her, but Jaina felt he wasn´t convinced they would find them. They had decided on the final coordinates shortly before the jump and Jaina feared Master Ramis hadn´t sent them to Corusant. And the Vean cluster was huge, it could take months to find them. Months they didn´t have. Behind her Gaven suddenly opened his eyes and sat up from the other couch, waking Nev who slept next to him. Jaina was confused, then she felt it too, a presence in the force.

Something was around them. Her sight meet her twin´s for a second, Jacen had felt it too.

"What is this?" Leah asked them, worried. Jaina stood up and walked towards the window praying for it to be a ship of the galactic alliance. Jacen was next to her and the twins stared together out of the panorama window. Jaina gasped when she realized what was before them.

"Correlia's nine Hells," whispered Gaven behind them.

The object before them was huge, and it certainly wasn´t a ship of the Galactic Alliance.

 

I really like your flashback scene...intense stuff.

Arrrggghhhh....to the cliffhanger, though! You can't keep leaving us hanging like this!

 

SiouxFan I´m glad you liked the flashback.It wasn´t easy to write.

Fifteen

It had become late, again. Thorne felt how fatigue floated through his body. He looked up from the data pad he had been reading for the last hours. The library around him was deserted and silence had filled the room. A lot of Jedi were gone, dealing with all the crises around the galaxy and only some stayed here on Corusant. Mostly the old and the young, and I am the oldest.

Again he turned to the data pad. He wanted to read a little further before he went to bed. He enjoyed the silence around him, the starlight shining into the room and the peaceful auras of the Jedi around him. The old man felt them, his brothers and sisters.

In moments like this, when he sat alone in the library and the temple was dreaming around him, Mako Thorne felt sometimes as if he had never been away, as if the eighty years he had spent on Learan were nothing but a dream. In this moments he almost felt young again, like the Jedi Knight he had been in another life and he remembered the friends he had. Friends he would never see again.

"You will outlive all of us Mako." The sentence still haunted him, although he wasn´t sure who had said it. It was true: After his return he had checked the imperial archives about them. Some had died during the Clone Wars while the others had found their end during the great betrayal. All but...

Thorne ignored the upcoming thought. He was the last of them, outliving them by more than sixty years. Once again he asked himself why it had to be him. He had been a proud Jedi Knight ready to die for his friends, and now he was nothing but a lonely old man in an order that was no longer his.

This order was different and there was rarely a day were Thorne didn´t realize it again. These Jedi had no code, they lived like they wanted, they had families and property and their emotions were far less under control than they should be. Even their morals were screwed up. These Jedi worked together with military dictators, criminals and even slavers instead of fighting against them.

Thorne laughed bitterly. Who did he think he was to criticize them? He had broken the code himself, more than once.

For a short moment he though back to Kyra. They had lived together for almost sixty years on Learan until the fever had claimed her life. And he missed her, as much as the missed Briala, when he was honest. He had tried his best to not think of her since he had taken Briala as an apprentice, since he started calling himself a Jedi again. But now? When he saw the members of the new order, how much happier they were since his brothers and sisters. Maybe they are right after all, maybe the code wasn´t our strength but a weakness.

The old man remembered how the masters had always told him that breaking the code would lead them to the dark side, that he should never even consider to break it. And where had that led him? Dark memories floated his mind again, memories of death. He fought them down and looked at his chrono. It was late.

"Master Thorne?" He turned around, surprised by the sudden question and the presence behind him. He turned around to the apprentice behind him. Thorne knew her, although they had never talked to her directly. Allana Solo took a step back. "I´m sorry master, I didn´t wanted to distract you."

Thorne gave her a smile. "You are not distracting me. I was just reading a bit, nothing important."

Thorne shivered for a second when he realized the nexu that had followed her. Gaven had told him about Allana´s exotic pet but he had never seen it himself. Carefully he reached out his mind touching the creature´s.

Subconsciously the old man assured the nexu that he was a friend. Allana realized it and returned his smile. More confident, she walked next to him and studied the data pad he was reading.
"Mya Torin?" she asked him.

"She was a Jedi of the old republic and a friend." Thorne said with sadness in his voice. Jacen´s daughter sat next down to him.

"She is dead isn´t she?"

Thorne nodded slowly. "I´m sorry for that." Allana said in a saddened tone.

"You don´t have to be," the old Jedi replied, "Everyone dies one day and we become one with the force." He made a pause. "But I wish I had been there, I think I could have prevented it or at least died at her side." Another pause in which he again stared at Mya´s face looking up to him. "I miss her."
Again nobody of them said a word for a while. Thorne remembered Mya, her smile, her humor how she had loved to tease her best friend Grenn Santor all the time...

"I miss my dad," she suddenly told him, and Thorne froze for a second. Her grandparents still hadn´t told her that her father was alive. "I´ve heard the stories about his great bravery about the adventures he had with aunt Jaina. And how he became a Sith. My grandparents told me that he became a monster at the end and had to be killed."

Thorne felt how this disturbed her. The old man wished he could tell her the truth, he wished he could ensure her that her father was alive, that he loved her and that he wasn´t a Sith anymore. He wanted to tell her about the time he had spent with Jacen and from the plans he had with Jaina to eventually free her father.

But he couldn´t, it wasn´t his decision to make. So he laid his hand on her shoulder, like Gaven always did and said, "I´ve never met your father myself but I´ve talked to people who knew him. Your father was a hero. He was ready to give everything for the Jedi and the galaxy as a whole. He tried to protect the ones he loved. He made mistakes yes but he was no monster."

Allana looked up to him. "But he became a Sith."

Thorne sighed. "Have you ever heard the tale of Darth Revan?"

Allana shook her head. "No, I guess the archives of the New Jedi aren´t as complete as the old ones."
"Well, "Throne began with a smile. He had always loved this story. "Revan was a Jedi once. He was a great man strong in body and mind. A great swordfighter and pilot but an even better leader. He was seen as a paragon among his brothers and sisters and many admired him. But the council had doubts about him, Revan seemed to want to protect the republic at any cost and some thought he went too far in his efforts. But it where dark times, the Sith were lurking around in the shadows of the Outer Rim and an even greater threat was at the horizon, the Mandalorians.

But they weren´t the bunch of mercenaries and bounty hunters they are today. They were a united nation under the flag of the greatest war leader this galaxy had ever seen: Mandalore the Ultimate. He was great warrior and leader and he had overrun the outer worlds of the galactic republic with his armies. The senate was in a panic and nobody seemed to be able to stop the invaders until, like your father, Revan stepped forward among the Jedi and decided to lead them into the war. The council wasn´t happy with him and so they cast him and the Jedi who followed him out of the order. But Revan and his best friend who we know as Malak were able to convince most of the order to follow them.

It became a long and bloody war and both the Jedi and the Mandalorians have many stories about the things that happened during it. Both sides experienced great victories and harsh defeats until they both meet in a final battle on the planet of Malachore V. It was a titanic battle and most of the planet was destroyed and during it Revan and Mandalore met in a duel. Both were great warriors and it became a tough fight. Mandalore was stronger than Revan but the Jedi had the Force on his side and at the end he managed to kill his enemy.

With their leader dead the Mandalorians surrendered to the Jedi, and while many urged him to slaughter them for their crimes Revan had mercy and spared them. Then Revan and his followers left the republic and traveled to unknown regions. We don´t know what happened there but when Revan returned he was a changed man. He had come to the believe that only he could protect the galaxy, that the Jedi order and the Senate were corrupt and weak and had to be replaced.

And so Revan took the title of Darth and declared himself emperor and another war began. The Jedi who had accompanied Revan on his travel swore loyalty to him and they began to conquer the galaxy. The loyalist Jedi fought against him but they couldn´t stop the Sith, so in a last effort to save the republic a group of Jedi lead by the young Knight Bastilla boarded Revan´s flagship and tried to kill the dark lord. During the fight Revan´s best friend Malak, corrupted by the dark side, decided to kill his master and he opened fire on the bridge of Revan´s ship, taking the mantle of emperor for himself."

The old man made a short pause and wondered if Allana saw the parallels between Revan´s story and her fathers.

Then he continued. "But Revan wasn´t dead. The young Jedi Bastilla spared his life in the last moment. She remembered what a great hero Revan had been before and how he had saved the galaxy. She saved him and together they escaped the ship. Together they faced many dangers, and Revan saved Bastilla from the planet of Taris where she had been made a slave. Together they made it back to Dantoine where the council had to decided over Revan´s fate, and like Bastilla they choose mercy instead of revenge.

They gave Revan a chance to atone, a chance to earn forgiveness. Bastilla was sent with him to keep an eye on him and help him. Together they traveled through the galaxy searching for the Starforge, the source of Malak´s power. And the more time passed the more Revan became the hero he had been again. He and Bastilla even became lovers as they fought the Sith together. But Malak had learned that his old friend was still alive and decided to hunt him down. After luring Revan´s ship into a trap he captured Bastilla. He tortured her to make her his student and sent her against Revan on the lost planet of Lehon. But Bastilla´s love for Revan was stronger than Malak´s torture and he brought her back to the light before he confronted his old friend.

It was a great duel and ultimately Revan beat Malak, but it is said that in his last moments Malak became a Jedi again and he died at peace with Revan."

Thorne finished his story and saw the smile on Allana´ s face.

"My father has saved me with his last breath. Do you think he became a Jedi again before he died?"
"That´s what I believe." Thorne replied and again he asked himself if he should tell her about Jacen´s survival. She had a right to hear about it. Searching for words, Thorne kept silent for a moment.
"Master Thorne!" The old man looked up. Kyp Durron walked through the library towards them.
The look on his face worried Thorne. "Has something happened?" He asked.

"Master Ramis has just returned to the temple," Kyp told him, his voice cracking. Thorne´s blood froze. Had something happened to Jacen, Jaina and the others?

The younger Jedi continued, "We have been betrayed. The grandmaster has announced a meeting of the council, now."

 

This is such an interesting way to introduce the idea of a second chance for Jacen. I like Thorne; he feels sad because all his friends are dead and yet he still has so much to offer. He is able to give Allana hope that her father has found peace at last and was not an evil person at the end (even though, unknown to her, he is still alive).

That's very touching.

 

"These Jedi worked together with military dictators, criminals and even slavers instead of fighting against them."

I find this quote pretty depressing because it is largely true. They helped choose a government, they became members of a governing council, they sided with separatists and traitors, and welcomed a former Imperial admiral as Chief of State. Yep, the Order isn't what it used to be.

 

divapilot I´m glad you like my idea. The story of Revan parallels Jacen so much I just had to bring it in. Yeah Thorne´s story is sad but as you said he still gives the people around him hope.

SiouxFan It´s defenetly true a lot of the new order allies are quite shady, I always wondered how a Jedi from the old order would feel about it.


Sixteen

Jacen fought, he didn´t knew against whom, but he fought. His enemy was everywhere but Jacen wasn´t able to say if it was one person or an entire army.

In one moment he fought Jaina again on the Anakin Solo only to fight at her side against the Vong in the next. He turned around to the next Vong only to deflect an imperial blaster bolt in the forest of Yarvin. He slammed the lightning back into the chest of a lost son on Asterian, crossing his blades in a sparring with Gaven for a blink only to duel Mara in the next.

His surroundings started to change faster and faster until he didn´t understand anymore where he was and who attacked him. And then it ended, everything around him disappeared and the only thing what was left was darkness. It was like space without the stars in it and he didn´t knew if he stood, or sat, or laid. He was alone, he couldn´t see or feel anything around him.

"Jaina?" he muttered. "Gaven?"

Nobody answered him and Jacen knew they couldn´t, he was alone. Alone in the void. What should he do? Where should he go? Was there even something he could do? He sat down, or he stood up he wasn´t sure what exactly.

"Where am I?" he asked himself but he got no answer.

The silence around him was hurting like thousand knives slashed over his skin. What was happening to him?

Why was it happening? He had no answer. Jacen tried to think back to the last moments but he couldn´t remember. Had he just killed Onimi? Was he still at the Jedi academy on Yavin? Had Jaina slain him on the Anakin Solo?

He didn´t even knew in which order this events had happened. He didn´t knew anything anymore. But that wasn´t true, he remembered his name, he was Jacen Solo.

Or was he Darth Caedus?

Or both? Or none of them? Did it even matter?

He wasn´t sure. Suddenly he heard something in the distance and instinctively he reached for his lightsaber. When he activated the weapon, it seemed to glow red and green at the same time. He looked in the direction he believed he had heard the noise.

He probably had imagined it, there was nothing around him. Then he heard it again, a bit louder this time. He moved in the direction of the noise, still unsure if he had truly heard something. Again the noise broke the silence. And Jacen recognized it, someone cried. He moved a bit faster, again he heard the crying. Was it a child? Jacen felt pity inside him.

After a while that seemed to be both a moment and a year, Jacen saw it before him. Somebody was here. In front of him in the void somebody sat and cried. When Jacen reached him he froze for a second: it was him.

He saw himself curled up at the floor, crying. He saw the boy, the man, the Jedi and the Sith. They were all him and they all cried. Jacen knelt next to himself and tried to understand what he saw.

And a fear overcame him, was he in hell? Was this the punishment that awaited him? The void? The pain? When he looked at the Jacen on the floor he felt pity for him.

He laid his hand on the other´s should and muttered, "It´s okay, don´t be afraid. I´m here." His reflection cried even harder and Jacen wished he could do something to help him, to comfort him. But what could he do? His guilt once again overcame him, it was his fault, his alone.

He had done horrible things and this was his punishment. And it was justice, he deserved nothing else he knew. But still he felt pity for the man before him.

Pity and sadness.

When he opened his eyes Jacen saw a bleak metal ceiling above him, but it was different from his cell´s.

"You are awake." He looked up and saw Jaina standing above him. His sister looked worried.
Jacen sat himself up and looked into her brown eyes which were so similar to his own. "How long was I passed out?"

Jaina shrugged. "I don´t know, we all have lost consciousness for a while. When I awoke I tried to wake you but I wasn´t able to do it."

"Were are the others?" Jacen asked her, worried.

"After we couldn´t wake you up Gaven decided to go outside and have a look at the surroundings, Leah and Nev went with him." Jacen turned around to the panorama window and looked outside.
They were not in space anymore. Instead he saw high green grass surrounding the escape pod. He tried to remember what had happened, they all had felt a sudden presence in the force and then they had seen it.

The gigantic obelisk between the stars, larger than any spaceship Jacen had ever seen. None of them had seen something like this before and then... Jacen couldn´t remember. They must have passed out shortly after seeing it.

"Have you seen something? While you were passed out?" Jaina asked him and Jacen nodded, but he was unable to talk about it. Jaina sat down in front of him and Jacen saw the disturbing look in her eyes.

"I was back at Corusant," she started to tell him. "The whole family was there, Uncle Luke, Aunt Mara, Ben, our parents, Jag, Allana, Tenel Ka, all but you. And they were happy, but I wasn´t. I missed you. When I asked about you they said you´ve never been a part of the family, that you deserve to suffer."
Jacen felt how much it troubled her.

"I was in hell," he told her after a while. "I saw myself, alone in the void, crying, suffering. It was Caedus punishment. Thrown into darkness for what he did. I felt so sorry."

He couldn´t speak further and instead looked down on the ground. He shivered when he thought back to the vision, to himself, alone in the darkness, imprisoned in the void. Hated by those he had loved.
Jaina stood up and laid a hand on his shoulder. "You are my brother, Jacen. I love you. I won´t let you suffer in hell." Jacen gave his sister a weak smile.

"Thanks Jaina." He stood up and hugged her again, she returned it.

"You are my brother, " she told him again. "And you won´t go to hell." After a while they stepped back from each other and left the escape pod. It stood in a deep valley surrounded by cliffs. A waterfall rustled behind them and drops of water landed on Jacen´s skin. But it was the sky that Jacen stared at, it was purple filled with silver stars. It seemed surreal, like something not possible in the galaxy.
"Good to see you awake my friend," Gaven told him, and Jacen was glad to see the older Jedi.

Then he asked the question that plagued them all. "Where are we?" For a while nobody said a word.
"When we passed out there were no worlds around us," Gaven said quietly. "And this world doesn´t look like any world I´ve seen in my life before. We looked a bit around while you were still uncurious. Nothing here seems to be natural."

"Do you think it has something to do with the obelisk we saw?" Jaina asked and Gaven shrugged.
"I don´t even know what this thing was. Do you?"

The other´s shook their heads.

"Can you feel it?" Leah suddenly asked them and Jacen realized it.

"The force, it's all around us." Jacen turned to Jaina, "I´ve only felt once like this, during my travels." He stopped as he understood it.

"We are there. This is Mortis."

 

Whoa...weird dream. Almost reminded me of that scene in 'Deathly Hallows' were Harry sees the remnant of Volder...er, he who shall not named. Anyway, I loved Jaina's reply..."I won't let you suffer in hell." Good stuff.

I gave up after FotJ, so I'm totally learning about Mortis from you! Thanks for writing!

 

SiouxFan I haven´t read FoJ either, I stopped after Millenium Falcon. I´m glad you like my characterization for Jaina, its a little different from what the books give her...

Seventeen

"Are you okay?" Nev suddenly asked him.

They walked next each other through a dark mountain range that seemed to fill most of this part of Mortis.

In his life Jacen had seen worlds he would have never imagined, he had seen dead worlds and worlds that were created by the Vong and he had stood on a planet that was alive. But Mortis was different. Even on Zonama Sekot everything hadn´t been so unreal. But walking on Mortis was surreal in any way. Jacen didn´t know how far they had already marched. Sometimes it felt like they crossed an immense distance in a few minutes, sometimes it was the opposite. Something was wrong here.
They had left the grass valley behind them but had it been an hour ago or just a minute? Jacen wasn´t sure. It reminded him of flow walking but in some ways it was different.

"Yeah I am," he replied to Nev as he grabbed her hand.

She pulled him up the small cliff and again Jacen was impressed by her strength. Or had he just become weak?

"You seemed to suffer through a nightmare, in the escape pod. You shivered."

Jacen thought for a moment if he should tell Nev about what he had seen. He was still disturbed by it himself but Nev was his friend, they had been through hell together and he knew he could trust her.

"I dreamed I was in hell, in the void. The Jedi say that´s the punishment for Sith after they die."

"You are no Sith anymore," Nev told him. Jacen nodded while he looked down the path they walked along. He saw Gaven in the distance. His friend had decided that to go a little ahead of them to scout the way for potential dangers, although they still hadn´t seen any living creature. Between them and Gaven, Jaina and Leah walked next to each other, talking as well. Jacen could imagine the shine in Leah´s eyes while the apprentice talked to his sister. He was glad the two got along so well and that Leah had chosen Jaina as her hero instead of him.

"I know," he replied. "But will that save me?"

Nev didn´t responded for a moment and Jacen looked again up to the sky but he couldn´t see more than darkness above them, and a green light at the horizon.

"I don´t know much about the force but I´m sure you are not going to hell. When the Lost Sons captured us you surrendered to save my life and later again as they tried to kill me. You were ready to die to protect me, despite the fact that we only knew each other for about a month. That was very selfless."

Jacen managed a little smile. Nev was right, he was trying to atone for his sins. He suddenly turned around and gave Nev a hug. She was surprised at first but then she returned it. "Thanks," he muttered.

"What for?" she asked him as they stepped back and continued walking.

"After my imprisonment I was broken, I hated myself and I wanted to die. But you and Gaven, you have taught how it feels to have friends again. You have given me hope and something to live for." He felt Nev´s smile even though he didn´t looked at her.

"You are a great man Jacen. I don´t care what the rest of the galaxy thinks. I´m proud to be your friend."

"As I am."

For a while they walked again silently next to each other, then Nev turned again to him.

"I´m glad that you were able to help Gaven, in the last weeks he was changed. I felt how it disturbed him."

Jacen had thought about Gaven´s sorrows for a good deal of the last few days. It reminded him of Jaina, who had also given into her anger during the Vong war. Jacen shivered when he thought back to how the death of Anakin had changed her.

"Many Jedi faced this in their life," he told her. "Gaven isn´t the first one who lost himself to his emotions."

"I´m glad you could help him," she replied giving him a smile. Jacen returned it.

"He holds you very dear," he said after a moment.

Nev answered, "as I do, he has a good heart."

For a while they walked silent next to each other and Jacen had the feeling they barely moved forward while the time passed around them. This world was truly weird. He asked himself if they were actually here or if they had lost their consciousness through the lack of oxygen in the drop pod and were just dreaming it. He couldn´t say it for sure. Than he had a thought and turned again to Nev.

"How does this planet feel to you?" For a second he saw confusion in her eyes then she realized what he meant.

"It feels strange, nothing here looks natural. The air is too clean, like if it comes out of a air filter. I´m feeling as if I´m in a dream. It scares me. And there is something else, a presence I don´t understand. But I guess as a Jedi you feel much more?"

Nev was right with that, since they had started their walk the force around them had become stronger. It was a chaos of different influences, not just dark or light but colors as well. It reminded him of what the Aing-Tii had taught him, that there was no light or dark side but indeed many different colors. That had been sixteen years ago, but Jacen felt as if centuries had passed since then, as if this had happened to someone else in a distant past. And he felt shame that he had kept so many of the things he had learned on his travels a secret. He asked himself, if he had told the other Jedi about it, if he had been more open with them, he wouldn´t have fallen into the darkness.

He responded to Nev, "It feels as if the planet itself is the force. I can feel it everywhere around us. Like the influence on Learan but this time it covers all aspects of the force, light, darkness and what´s between them."

Nev climbed above the next smaller cliff and offered Jacen her hand. He took hers with his real hand and she pulled him up.

"I´ve always asked myself how it would feel to have the force." Nev admitted as he again stood next to her and they walked on. "You, Gaven, Leah, Jaina. I sometimes feel a little lonely because you have these powers and you sometimes see the world so differently."

For a brief moment Jacen remembered the time when Vegere had separated him from the force.
"You shouldn´t feel bad for it," Jacen assured Nev. "You are a great person and I´m glad you´re here with us now."

She gave him a smile.

"I´m sure you would have become a great Jedi," Jacen added with a blink and returned the smile.

When they looked ahead they saw that Jaina and Leah had reached Gaven. The three Jedi stood together before the entrance of a cave. All around them they saw cliffs towering into the sky, their surface too smooth to climb. For a moment all five of them stood there together with nobody saying anything. Then Jaina broke the silence.

"It seems our way continues down there, but I have a bad feeling about this."

Jacen felt the same, something was down there. Something that waited for them. When he looked at Gaven and Leah he saw they felt the same.

"I guess we have no other choice though," Gaven pointed out. "But we should stay together from now on."

The others nodded in agreement. For a moment they stayed in front of the entrance, then Nev took heart and stepped into the darkness. The others followed her, their lightsabers lighting the way. Jacen shivered for a second when he looked at Jaina´s purple blade and the scar on his chest prickled. Jaina felt his struggle, and for a moment she gave her twin an encouraging look and the feeling left as quickly as it had overcome him.

They walked down the path in silence, deeper and deeper down into the mountain. When Jacen looked back he soon couldn´t see the entrance behind them anymore, the darkness had covered it. They saw several small tunnels leading if different directions but they agreed to stay on the main corridor. But they didn´t saw any kind of life around them.

After several hours -at least it felt like it- Jacen spotted a light ahead. Before them was a larger cavern under the mountain. Several large crystal spheres filled it and their glowing filled the entire room. Several other tunnels lead in other directions from here. When they stood in the middle of the cavern they stopped their walk.

"We should have a rest." Gaven said and Jacen realized how tired he was. They sat down and ate a few of the ration packs they had taken with them from the escape pod.

"One of us should stay awake. I don´t trust this darkness," Jacen pointed out.

Gaven nodded. "Will you take the first watch or shall I?"

When Jacen looked at Gaven he saw that Gaven was even more tired than he was. So he said, "I will do it." The older Jedi gave him a thankful smile.

A few minutes later the others laid down to sleep. Gaven had volunteered to take the second watch and Jaina the third. When he sat next to his sleeping friends Jacen felt their peaceful spirits resting. Leah used the supply bag as a pillow while Jaina cuddled herself into the jacket of her fleet suit. When he looked at Gaven he saw that Nev had laid one of her arms around his friends shoulder. When he looked at them he thought for a short moment of Tenel Ka and the pain returned to him, the harsh words she had said to him the day she had visited him in his cell. But he concentrated and continued his watch.

"So we finally meet again Jacen." Somebody spoke behind him and Jacen froze. He turned around shivering and his heart stopped for a second.

There in one of the entrances to the cave, stood Mara.

 

This is quite the cliffhanger!! And to run into Mara back in the tunnels, where he saw her last. Is she a hallucination? Is he really seeing her? There is this deliciously weird unreality here in this chapter.
I like the way you build up, with the characters realizing more and more that this planet is bizarre and may be distorting their sense of reality. Excellent job!

 

divapilot I´m glad you like it, I really tried to get this surreal atmosphere of Mortis.
And yeah the caverns defenetly call back to the duel between Jacen and Mara.

Eighteen

Jacen shivered. His mind had collapsed around him and he wasn`t able to make a clear thought. Images appeared before him as Mara walked towards him. Images of himself how he knelt before Mara and wounded awaiting her final strike, in the caverns of this dammed world. Images of Mara dying before him, from the poison he had injected into her. He saw her funeral and the hatred in Luke`s eyes when he had confronted him about it. The hatred of a husband who had lost his wife.
The images left him but he still could only stare at Mara before him. How was this possible? She was...

"Dead. yeah you killed me," Mara said and Jacen looked up into her eyes. Cold and hateful, the former Emperors Hand looked upon her nephew. For a second Jacen remembered the moment on Learan where the dark side had attacked his mind taking Mara´s form. Was it a trick?

"Did you also believe I was just a hallucination when you killed me?" Mara asked him and again Jacen was transported back to their duel. Pain floated through his body, caused by shame and guilt about what he had done.

"Mara," he whispered while looking into her eyes. Tears ran across his face as he started to cry.
"Don´t call me that." Mara´s voice was cold as the space. And it broke Jacen; the last bit of confidence left him as he broke down before her, crying.

"I´m sorry, I´m so sorry," he uttered while one of his hands, against his will, reached for his lightsaber. The laughter hit him even harder than her words. It made him realize that everything Gaven and Jaina had told him had been a lie: there was no redemption, no forgiveness, not for him. He was a monster no matter what he would do in the future. It had been nothing but a hopeful dream, a dream he had wanted to believe in. But it was a lie, all of it.

"I´m sorry," he muttered again. When he looked up, through the tears he saw Mara standing above him, like the day he had murdered her.

"When you would truly regret your deeds you would end your life, instead of ruining the lives' of even more innocents. There is no hope for you to redeem yourself. You are a monster. You need to die." Jacen knew she was right with that, what he had done, the millions he had killed. There was no coming back from that, there was only one thing he could do.

"Is it that what you want?" he whispered quietly. Mara didn´t answer but Jacen read the answer on her face. His prosthetic hand clasped around his lightsaber, the same weapon he built so many years ago. The weapon he used to fight the Shadow Academy, the Vong and Mara...

His whole body shivered and Jacen wasn´t able to make one clear thought while his guilt and his memories tormented him. He saw his life before him, the story of a hero who became a monster. Burning cities filled his mind, the face of Nelani filled with fear, Seha and Tahiri whom he had manipulated as his pawns, Ben who he had wanted to torture, Jaina whit whom he had fought a duel to the death, Luke from whom he had taken away his wife, his parents who hated him for what he had done, Tenel Ka who had abandoned him over Kashyyyk, Mara who he had killed.

Kneeling on the floor and crying, Jacen Solo, once one of the greatest Jedi of his time, turned his lightsaber towards his chest. He knew it pointed at his scar, the same spot where Jaina´s blade had almost impaled him. His thoughts ran through his mind, and fear, shame and guilt tormented him. He knew what awaited him, nothing but darkness and pain.

His fingers shivered when he searched for the activation button. Then he found it, he tried to imagine the pain that awaited him. Allana I´m sorry.



A hand on his shoulder stopped him. It was a warm and friendly gesture and a light in the darkness of his mind. Jacen still shivered, unable to do anything.

"You are truly regretful?" Mara said but this time her voice was warm, almost friendly.

It took all of Jacen´s strength for him to nod. His prosthetic hand lost its grip and his lightsaber landed on the floor. Mara knelt down before him and looked directly in his eyes. They were no longer murderer and victim but nephew and aunt.

"I feel it," she told him softly. "You are not the man who killed me anymore. You are trying to atone." The dark memories left his mind, and others returned of Gaven, Nev, Jaina and Leah. Memories of hope, of healing.

"I´m so sorry," he said again. "That I murdered you."

Mara´s look became sad. "I was there to kill you. I feared you might be a danger to Ben. I wanted to murder you, my own nephew."

Jacen remembered again how Mara had chased him. He remembered the burning hatred inside her and her determination to end his life. But she had been trying to protect Ben, like he had tried to protect Allana.

"You tried to protect your son," he told Mara and she nodded sadly. All hatred had left her.

"Yeah, for him I wanted to kill you. I drove you deeper into darkness. I should have talked to you, we would have found a way." Jacen saw the guilt she felt about trying to kill him instead of offering him a chance for redemption like Jaina and Gaven had done.

"You were a great Jedi, Mara. A far better one than I ever was, you only tried to defend your son." "And you Allana," Mara replied and Jacen nodded slowly.

"You were right that day. I had fallen into the darkness. I forgive you," he then said. He knew Mara should have killed him that day. It would have saved many lives.

He saw relief on his aunt´s face for a moment, then she said, "As I do."

Jacen couldn´t believe it. "But I murdered you."

Mara again laid a hand on his shoulder. "You are not Caedus, Jacen. You are not the man who killed me and all those innocents. You are my nephew, you are the Jedi I fought with against the Vong, you are the twin of my apprentice. I will never forgive Caedus but you are Jacen Solo and I forgive you."

Jacen looked up to her. "Thanks, that means more to me than I could ever express. You are a great Jedi. I will spend the rest of my life atoning for what I did to you and the galaxy." Mara sat down next to him. Jacen still wasn´t sure if she was actually there or just her ghost, but he supposed it didn´t matter. Her forgiveness had filled him with hope, hope that he actually could find redemption for his crimes.

"You made the right decision, Jacen. You have returned to the light. When your uncle offered me to become Jedi so many years ago I didn´t believe I deserved that. I thought the things I had done in the Emperor´s name were inexcusable. I thought I couldn´t become a Jedi."

Jacen was surprised about Mara admitting that to him. "You´ve become a great Jedi," he told her and she smiled.

"You can become one again, Jacen."

 

What a wild ride! Mara's appearance has really reopened all the pain and devastation that Jacen has felt. How close he came to ending it all! But his intention counted for something too, his willingness to die for his time. Luckily it didn't come to that. It's so fascinating to see him and Mara reaching an understanding like that.

I think he wants so desperately to deserve to be forgiven, but he has to forgive himself too.

 

This went differently than I was expecting. I was expecting Mara to remain bitter, actually. A conversation that Jacen needed to have. And I think that a lot of fans have forgotten or ignored the fact that Mara WAS going to kill him

Honestly, you are again reminding me of Potter: 'Is this real, or all in my head?' 'Of course it's in your head, Harry. But that doesn't mean it's not real.'

Good stuff, and diva is right...he has to forgive himself.

 

divapilot Yeah Jacen defenetly has to forgive himself. But its very hard for him considering what he has done. His guilt is massive.

SiouxFan Yeah that Mara was the one who attacked Jacen is often ignored by the fans. Ultimaltley they both wanted to protect their children at any cost. I think with Jacen admitting his mistakes Mara would do the same.

Nineteen

Gaven sat in the middle of the cavern, his legs crossed as if he would mediate but his spirit was focused. He wasn´t sure if they were in danger and that frustrated him. In his life he had been in many dangerous situations but the force had usually told him what was ahead.

But here? This planet was weird. The Force was everywhere and Gaven had the feeling as if thousands of Jedi and Sith stood around him. That this chamber wasn´t empty but filled with beings his eyes just couldn´t see.

But were they a threat? Gaven wasn´t sure. He wished he could ask Jacen or Jaina about it, but he didn´t wanted to disturb their sleep. Jacen must have felt it too. When Gaven reached out his mind to his friend he felt a change. Jacen seemed more at peace with himself. If something had happened the other Jedi hadn´t talked about it.

Gaven´s hand clutched around his lightsaber. This silent chamber and the haunting thoughts that followed him since the day in Corusant`s underworld made him nervous. He felt shame for what had happened, shame and self hatred. Not only had he lost control over his mind more than once, he had also kept it a secret from his friends. He looked at them, the people who meant so much to him.

How had he been able to lie to them? But he had been ashamed and scared. He had feared that they would see him tainted, that they would turn away from him. Gaven shook his head. He had been weak.

Hadn´t he sworn to himself to never lose control again, that day on Asterian? He remembered the girl he had killed that day, she still haunted him. But it had happened again. On Asterian were the senseless slaughter of the villagers had made him almost lose his mind, and as he struggled for control they had killed Briala. Her death was his fault, Gaven knew. He had mistrusted Thorne and so he had insisted on this dangerous mission. Another innocent he had killed with his actions.

And then on Corusant? The hatred had returned stronger than before. Gaven remembered the scene of the fight, the brutality through which the Lost Sons had died. And again on the corvette where he had been barely able to hold himself under control. He remembered what Jacen and Jaina had told him, that this happened to Jedi, that he was a good man.

But was he? He had killed people, he had caused the death of friends and he had lied to those closest to him. You´re a weak man, Gaven Seral, He scolded himself.

"You shouldn´t be so hard to yourself," a voice reminded him. Gaven turned around and jumped to his feet, activating his lightsaber. For a moment he just stared at the person before him, unable to believe it. He deactivated his lightsaber as sadness, confusion and happiness floated in his mind.

"Mom?"

His voice was weak as he stared into her green eyes. How was this possible? His mom was dead, she had been killed when he had been just a boy. Gaven remembered how he had found her corpse, how he had seen the terrible wound in his mother´s stomach, how he had broken down next to her, crying. But now she was here, wearing the simple clothes Gaven remembered her in.

"Gaven," she replied, smiling at her son.

"Is this real?" Gaven asked her, as tears filled his eyes. She laid one of her hands on his shoulder. Gaven felt her touch through his light jacket. He knew it was his mother and even more tears filled his eyes. Some of them ran over his face as memories of his childhood floated through his mind: His mother treating his wounds after he had injured himself, how she had told him stories about the adventures of Jedi Knights or Mandalorian warriors. He remembered how she had comforted him after some kids had mocked him for being the son of outsiders and how she had convinced him to speak to the outsider girl.

"You..." he managed to say. "You are dead." A sad smile came on her face.

"Yes."

Gaven sobbed. For a moment he was a boy again, a boy who couldn´t believe his mother was gone, a boy who tried to understand the cruelty of his life, a boy who cried for him mom. His mother stepped forward and put her arms around her son, trying to comfort him. Gaven felt her skin touching his face, he felt the warmth of her body. Crying, he clinched himself onto her. He still couldn´t realize what happened.

"It´s okay," his mother said gently to him. "I´m at a better place now, with dad."

Gaven sobbed again as he remembered his father, how he had searched for hours among the dead for him and the burned body he had found at the end. He remembered his father's smile and endless patience. He wished his parents weren´t dead, he wished he had been there when the pirates had attacked the tribe. He wished he could have helped them.

"You couldn´t have done anything," his mother told him and Gaven knew she was right. He had only been twelve years old. For a while nobody said a word while Gaven tried to calm himself down. There was no death, there was only the force, he remembered. He sat down on the ground and his mother followed him. Tears still ran over his face but he managed to clear his thoughts.

Thousands of thoughts came to his mind; the thoughts of a child who meets his mother again after many years. In all these years since their deaths Gaven had often asked himself what his parents would think of him, he had asked himself what they had done in his stead.

"I´m so proud of you." His mother answered the question that burned brightest in his mind. She gave him a smile. "My boy has grown up." Gaven felt happiness and he managed to return the smile, albeit sad.

"I wish you hadn´t died," he whispered. His mother´s smile became sad again.

"As I do. There were so many things I wanted to tell you, so many things I wanted to see. How you left Darvin for the first time, how you became a Jedi, how you finally admitted Nev what you feel for her." The last part made Gaven smile again. So his mother had known it.

She laughed. "I´m glad you two found happiness together. Nev is a good girl." Gaven nodded slowly and again there was silence for a moment.

Than his mother spoke again. "You should not be so hard with yourself, you have a good heart."
"But I killed people," Gaven replied, and again sadness was on his mom´s face.

"Yes, but you always try to prevent violence and you only fought to protect innocents. You have a merciful soul, you believe in Jacen despite all he has done and you take care for Leah as if she was your own daughter. You are trying to fix the problems of a broken galaxy."

Gaven knew his mom was right, he wasn´t weak. He had the strength to help Jacen, to see above all the hatred and instead to treat the former Sith as a friend. He had taken responsibility for a terrified girl he barely knew and now saw her as his daughter. His soul wasn´t tainted. His mother gave him a smile.

"And don´t think you are not worthy to be a Jedi. It was Jaina´s mercy that saved Jacen´s life, but you helped him save his soul," his mother continued. "Only a few Jedi would have managed that. Many would just have killed him."

That was true Gaven knew; master Skywalker had even ordered him to kill Jacen if he would try to escape or show signs the dark side. He remembered the moment on Learan where Caedus had briefly taken control over Jacen. He could have killed Jacen but instead Gaven had decided to believe in his friend and he had been right with that. He had acted like a Jedi.

With growing confidence Gaven looked up to his mom. "Thanks." His mother hugged him again and with that hug the last of Gaven´s doubts left him.

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I´ve recently uploaded an OS that gives a little bit more insight in Gaven and Nev´s backstory:
http://boards.theforce.net/threads/forefathers-eve-otp-holiday-challenge-ocs.50044344/

 

Interesting chapter. In the end, it seems that we all just want acceptance and a hug from Mom. I like the: '...You're trying to fix the problems of a broken galaxy....' line. Not an easy thing, especially when it seems that no one else is trying.

Thanks for writing! Oh, and feel free to use TKs nickname...I think it adds depth to the universe when we work in stuff from other stories.

 

SiouxFan I´m glad you like the chapter. Gaven defenetly needed that moment with his mom.
Thanks for nickname.

Twenty

Leah awoke suddenly, as if something or someone had screamed in her ear. Tired, she blinked for a few seconds and reached out in the force for potential dangers. But she felt nothing but the auras of her friends around her and the force presences that were everywhere on the planet. When she looked around she saw that Jaina sat close to her brother watching his sleep. Gaven and Nev were asleep as well. Jaina looked at her.

"Are you okay?" Leah gave her a nod. In the last days they had talked more than once and Leah´s respect for Jaina had only grown. The apprentice sat up next to her.
"This planet is strange," Leah said.

"Yeah, the force is different here than at any other world I know." For a while they sat next to each other in silence.

Than Leah asked, "Do you think we can find this dagger here we are searching for?"

Jaina shrugged. "I don´t know, this planet is so weird and we lose so much time looking out for you."

Leah looked up to Jaina unsure if she had understood her.

"What do you mean?" she asked biting her lip.

Did Jaina think of her as a burden? She had feared the other Jedi would look down on her because she was just an apprentice with only a year`s experience.

"What are you doing here?" Jaina asked and her voice was cold. "You're a child who can´t even block blaster bolts."

By these words the healing wound at Leah´s shoulder started to hurt again. The girl felt how her stomach cramped and she started to shiver. Leah remembered the training in the temple where apprentices half her age had beaten her in almost every challenge. They had never been unfriendly but Leah had always suspected them of laughing at her when she wasn´t there. But she had never thought Jaina would do the same.

Could Jaina have just been playing with her? She had been so friendly in the last days, she had even offered to teach Leah how to fly a spaceship.

"But you told me..." her voice cracked and her hands shivered as she tried to understand what was happening here.

"What you wanted to hear. But I´ve seen you fighting, you are a danger for any Jedi fighting at your side." Tears ran down Leah´s face as she saw her worst fears coming true. She was nothing but a load, a useless child that endangered anyone around her. She had dreamed of becoming a Jedi, but it was nothing but a child's dream.

"You will never be one of us. Gaven should have left you in the woods were he found you. You are nothing but a naive, useless child who doesn´t understand how the galaxy works."

Leah started to cry even harder as the words from the woman she admired hit her. She felt cold, cold and alone. Her thoughts returned to the day Gaven had found her. She had run away from her uncle, because... Leah refused to even think of it. She had never been so alone and hopeless than in that moment, and she had wished she was dead. Until she had met Gaven, until he had saved her, given her a new chance in life.

"It would have been better for all of us if you had died there." Leah broke down on the floor unable to understand what was happening.

Could that be real? Jaina was Gaven´s friend and Jacen´s sister, she had saved her brother from the darkness and dedicated her life to the Jedi. She had been so nice to her in the last days.

How could she be so cruel? Leah couldn´t believe it. Then she remembered her lessons. There is no emotion, there is peace. Using the technique Gaven had told her to calm herself down, Leah cleared her mind. A thought came to her mind, something Gaven had told her. On Learan both he and Jacen had been attacked by illusions of the dark side, illusions that had taken the form of their worst fears. She looked up into Jaina´s face.

"You are not Jaina," she said.

Her enemy smiled. It wasn´t the warm and friendly smile Leah had seen one Jaina´s face in the last days, but a smug grin. "You are smarter than I thought, young Jedi, but that won´t save you."

Alarmed, Leah jumped to her feet and reached for her lightsaber. But it wasn´t there... Confused, she looked to the being in front of her.

"You're looking for this?" The grin on Jaina´s face taunted Leah even more than her words as she held the apprentice´s lightsaber in her hand. Leah slammed one of her fist into the illusions face but it faded before her eyes. But not just the illusion faded, everything around her disappeared. Gaven, Nev, Jacen the entire cavern was gone.


Leah awoke in darkness. When she tried to move something kept her. Panicking, she blinked into the darkness, hoping to see at least something. There was a small red light not far from her, but she didn´t see what it was. She wasn´t in the cavern anymore. The walls around her were made out of a dark and bleak metal, covered in cryptic runes Leah had never seen before. It was a cell, she realized then she saw the chains. Heavy rings of black iron tied her wrists and ankles to the wall, forcing her into a standing position. The apprentice started to shiver. What was happening here? Where was she?

"Gaven?" she said into the darkness, but she got no answer.

"Nev?" This time she raised her voice hoping someone would hear her. No one answered.

"Jacen? Jaina?" Leah screamed with panic in her voice. Again silence was the only answer. She was alone, she realized.

Leah threw herself in her chains hoping to get free, but the iron only cut deeper in her skin. Pain floated through her body, pain and desperation as she realized that it was hopeless. She couldn´t escape.

 

Twenty One

Jacen realized something was wrong the moment he awoke. He saw Jaina next to him, but her sleep was troubled. Laying his human hand on her shoulder, he sat up slowly.

Then he realized it. Gaven and Nev lay next to them, still sleeping. But where was Leah?
"Leah!" Jacen called her name, breaking the silence.

He looked around as panic floated through his mind. The girl was gone.

The others awoke next to him and Jacen felt confusion inside his sister. His sister looked at him for a moment then they saw it as well. Jacen exchanged a look with Gaven and he saw the fear in his friend´s eyes, the same fear that he felt himself.

Again he looked around, hoping that Leah was still close to them, but the force told him what his mind already knew. The apprentice wasn´t here anymore. Jacen shivered as images appeared in his mind. Leah´s lifeless corpse rotting somewhere on this dammed world and it was his fault.

He broke down to his knees, Leah was here because she wanted to help him. She, Gaven and Nev were only here because of him. Because they were his friends.

He remembered what the vision of Mara had told him on Learan. That he was a monster who would only bring death to those close to him.

"It was my fault," Jaina muttered next to him, and Jacen felt the devastation inside her. "It was my watch. I should have prevented it, but I had a vision..." She didn´t continue.

Gaven lay a hand on her shoulder. "Don´t blame yourself for what happened to Leah. I´m her master. It´s my fault. I should have left her on Corusant were she had been safe. I dragged her into that." Jacen realized how desperate his friend sounded.

Knowing how Gaven felt he stood up and comforted his friend. "We will find her."

Gaven looked at him for a moment then he nodded slowly. "Of course. Thanks, Jacen."

For a moment, the three Jedi stood next to each other, calming themselves down. Then Nev turned towards them. She was kneeling on the floor a few meters away, and Jacen saw the worries in her eyes.

"I don´t see any traces of a fight around here, no blood, no damage to the floor or the walls. Whatever attacked Leah must have been either very quick or invisible." Nev´s voice was cold and Jacen felt the fear inside her.

Then he remembered something. "Maybe she wasn´t attacked, at least not physically."
Gaven turned to him. "What do you mean?"

Jacen knelt next to Nev while he started to explain. "We haven´t seen any living beings on Mortis so far. The Ones were probably the only ones who ever lived here and they are dead. But tonight I had a vision, a vision of Mara, a vision that almost drove me into killing myself. I think Leah might have seen something similar, something that scarred her."

The others thought about this for a moment.

Then Gaven said, "I had a vision too, I saw my mom. But it wasn´t dark."

Jacen thought about it for a moment. "The force is very strong here, both the light and dark side. On Learan the dark side attacked both of us. Maybe something like this happened here as well." Jacen shivered as he thought back to what happened at the ruins of the Sith academy. How the dark side had overpowered him, how it had brought Caedus back. How he had attacked Gaven and Nev. Looking up, he saw the desperation on Gaven´s face.

"I should have never brought her here. Leah is just a child. I´ve promised to protect her, to keep her save."

Jaina shook her head sympathetically. "Leah is strong, and you´ve been a great teacher. She might not be as strong in the force as other Jedi but she has a good heart and a strong will. She can resist the dark side. We will find her." Jacen was surprised how certain Jaina sounded.

"But how shall we find her?" Nev asked. "This world is huge." For a moment the three Jedi thought about it.

"One of you should try and mediate to find her," Jacen suggested to the other two.

Jaina shook her head. "You have the strongest connection to the force. We will watch over you."
Jacen felt unsure about this, since his connection to the force had been severely crippled.

Gaven gave him a nod. "You are an empath and you know more about this place than Jaina and I do."

He was right with that, Jacen knew. Taking another deep breath, he sat down and closed his eyes.
There is no emotion, there is peace, he remembered.

He let go of all emotions, his love for his friends, his doubts, his guilt, even his worries about Leah. Freeing himself of everything that attached him to the material world, Jacen Solo´s mind reached out of his body, out of the cave where his friends watched over him.

He felt the force surrounding him stronger than before. He felt both the light, the dark and everything in-between. His spirit was free. He felt the planet around and below him, he felt the energies of immense power that surrounded him. He left the caves and returned to the planet's surface. He saw the mountains they had passed and the valley where the drop pod had landed. As he reached out further he saw landscapes that seemed to mock any actual geography. He saw barrows covered by eternal night, mountains higher than the highest skyscraper on Corusant, forests of glowing trees, streams of lava floating through icy valleys and buildings different from anything he had ever seen.
Then he focused his mind. Searching for Leah his spirit wandered through this impossible place. Jacen couldn´t say how much time had passed since he started to mediate: a blink, an hour, a day, a year, a millennium? He couldn´t say.

When he saw the citadel before him, Jacen knew it was the place he searched for.

A tower, made out of dark iron, higher than even the highest mountains of Mortis standing in the middle of a perfectly circular valley. At the top of the impossible structure Jacen saw a massive green glowing sphere which spread its dead light all over the valley. The dark side filled this place, stronger than Jacen had ever experienced it. Here was no light left: this place was corrupted for eternity. Nothing could ever heal the terrible wounds, nothing could end the hatred that reigned here. Jacen shivered as he saw all of this.

Then he felt Leah. The girl was here, in the highest cell of the tower. For a moment he saw her, chained to the wall, scared but defiant. Jacen concentrated and touched her spirit for a moment. We are coming. Then the connection broke and Jacen returned to this cave.

He looked up to his friends. "Leah is alive, but she is in a dark place. To save her we will have to confront the dark side itself."

 

Whoa...dark chapter. And interesting that not one of the Jedi noticed Leah being stolen away.

Confront the dark side? That doesn't sound like fun at all...

 

They are surrounded by such a mysterious place! And now it's turned really dangerous. Leah is in serious trouble. But like Jacen is learning, the only way they can rescue her is to do it together, as a team. He has his chance now to save lives, and know that there is still goodness and something noble in his heart.

 

Thanks your comment.
Leah wasn´t diretly stolen though, as Jacen said she wasn´t attacked physically.

Yeah Mortis is defenetly not your average planet. Jacen defenetly can´t save Leah alone, thankfully his friends are with him. I think helping others, saving lifes is really what helps Jacen to heal, alongside his friendship with Gaven and Nev.
Thanks for commenting.

Twenty Two

They were walking for hours, or at least it seemed so. The impossible geography of Mortis and the sheer madness of this place still confused Jacen. The further they had come, the less he understood. They had passed large caverns filled with gigantic crystals before finally returning back to the surface.

Now they walked through the glowing forest he had seen in the force. But nothing here was real or natural. There was no brushwood, no leaves on the dark polished ground and no sound apart from their own steps. They had agreed to stay together this time as they still didn´t know if they were alone here. Jacen held his lightsaber in his hand. He hadn´t activated the weapon to save energy but he was ready to do so every second.

But can it protect me? The dangers on this planet seem more aimed at our mind than our body. Again he thought of Leah. had she truly left the cavern herself? Jacen remembered the moment on Learan were he had been possessed by the dark side and prayed to the force that Leah wouldn´t suffer the same fate.

When he looked up he saw Jaina walking next to him. Jacen could sense the guilt she still felt. Hoping to comfort her a bit he said, "It isn´t your fault. You couldn´t have prevented it."

His sister gave him a sad glance. "It was my watch, my duty to protect you. To protect Leah, but I allowed myself to be tricked by a vision." For a moment the siblings walked next to each other in silence.

Then Jaina continued, "I saw Caedus again. He mocked me for sparing his life, for allowing him to return."

Jacen shivered by these words and his guilt filled him again. "I´m sorry. I..."

"It wasn´t you," Jaina said in a convincing tone. "But when I realized it, it was already too late."

Again Jacen wondered if the vision he had seen had been true, had Mara truly been there? Jaina´s vision had been a dark side trick, but his? He and Mara had spoken sincerely with each other and his aunt had forgiven him.

"I saw Mara again," he suddenly admitted. Jaina turned towards him and Jacen felt sadness in her but nothing of the hatred the name had caused between them before. "I don´t know if she was real or a hallucination as well."

Jacen paused before he continued, telling her everything that had happened in the cavern. How Mara had been hateful at first, how he had nearly ended his life. How they both had admitted their mistakes and how they forgave each other. For a while Jaina said nothing to this but Jacen felt her conflicting emotions. Mara had been Jaina´s master, he remembered; she had trained his sister and they always had been close.

"I think it was truly her," Jaina said after a while. They had left the forest and now followed a small canyon through the dark mountains. When Jacen looked up he couldn´t even see the top of the gigantic stone walls to their sides. Jacen turned to her as she continued. "Both of you did terrible things to protect the people you loved the most. I´m glad you made peace after all."

Jacen looked at his feet. "I wish we could have done that before I killed her. Before I became a Sith. She was right about trying to kill me. I don´t deserve her forgiveness."

Jaina laid her hand on his shoulder. "Jacen, you are not Caedus anymore. You are a Jedi again, my brother, the brother I love. Stop hating yourself. You deserve redemption." No, I don´t. I´ve gone too far. For a brief moment he remembered the second galactic civil war again. The millions of victims he had caused and his guilt floated over him. Shaking, he sank to the ground for a moment trying to find a clear thought. How could anyone forgive him what he had done? How could he ever forgive himself?

He felt Jaina´s worries as she knelt down next to her brother. "You are not Caedus," she said again and Jacen knew she was right with that. He wasn´t a Sith anymore, he could at least try to find redemption.

He gave Jaina a short smile as he stood up and they walked further.

"Jacen, Jaina!" Gaven and Nev had walked a short distance ahead of them and waited for them. When the twins reached them Jacen saw that the stone walls on their sides were gone.

Before them lay the perfect circular valley he had seen in his visions, and in the middle of it he could see the tower. It was the highest building he had ever seen, so huge that it seemed impossible that a mortal architect could have build it. Thin and made out of pitch black metal, this fortress reached deep into the sky of Mortis. Everything around the four humans was dark, the sky and the ground. The only light came from the citadel itself. High above them Jacen saw the green sphere whose pale glowing filled the valley.

When he reached out in the force Jacen could feel the darkness that haunted this place. The hatred to centuries surrounded them, an evil so ancient and powerful that everything Jacen had experienced so far seemed meaningless.

"Force have mercy," he muttered as they stared at the tower before them.

"What is this place? Is Leah here?" Nev asked fearfully.

Jacen felt his friend´s worries as he nodded. "It's the place I saw in my visions. Leah is here in the tower."

Slowly he made the firsts steps away from the walls that surrounded them and towards the citadel. The others followed him, carefully.

"The dark side here is much stronger than on Learan," Gaven pointed out and Jacen nodded again.
He felt it with every step he made. This was more than Learan or even Korriban.

He remembered the myths he had read about Mortis. The Ones had been living embodiments of the force. The father had embodied balance, peace between light and darkness. The mother, Abeloth, was chaos, war and destruction. The daughter was the light, Jacen remembered, while the son was darkness. He asked himself if the tower had belonged to him. If this incredibly powerful being had lived here all the millennia it spent on Mortis brooding over his hatred.

After what seemed like hours of walking, they reached the tower. A large metal staircase led up to a portal of dark iron. The doors stood open, each of them larger and heavier than the Millennium Falcon.

"Force have mercy," he muttered again.

He looked at the others and he felt their worries and fear for this place. But he also felt their determination to save Leah from here.

Slowly Jacen stepped on the staircase, climbing up the steps that lead into the darkness above.

 

I must admit, I first came to this story because Jacen is one of my favorite EU characters. Although there are some new faces, I think you characterize them aptly. I especially like the way you show Jaina's forgiveness of Jacen after he returns to the light, especially since he is no longer Caedus, who she wanted to kill. Im not sure if that was your intention, but it was a nice allusion to the Anakin/Vader identity.
I must confess I always thought that the solos gave up on Jacen too soon, and it's nice to see you portray Jaina as still caring for her brother. I would like to see Luke in your story, his reaction is the most interesting to me personally.

 

It seems as if Morits is making everyone dwell on their own fears and doubts. Interesting imagery with the walls disappearing around the twins as they finished their talk.

'You are not Caedus'--that's the second time Jaina has told him that...hoping he'll start to believe it himself.

 

Thank´s for your comment, I´m glad you like my story. I defenetly agree with you that his family gave up too early on Jacen. He was defenetly savable. I´m glad you like my take on Jaina, to me she sometimes felt cold and heartless in the later novels and I wanted her to become more compassionate again.
As for Luke he will have a larger role in the third part of the story.

Yeah that´s kinda what Mortis does, the planet is the force so it represents the feelings, fears and doubts of the force users on it.

Defenetly and he has to forgive himself.
Thanks for your comment.

Twenty Three

Leah shivered as the cold black iron cut into her wrists. The girl tried to ignore the pain and continued to try and force her right hand out of the ring. She had tried to break her chains with the force or to get out of them but it was hopeless. These chains seemed to be made for her. The pain in her right hand became too strong and Leah gave up the attempt.

Panic filled her again. She was alone, chained to a wall in this dark prison on a dead world. Trying to calm herself down she remembered her Jedi lessons but it didn´t help. The hallucination of Jaina had been right, Leah knew. She wasn´t a Jedi, just a naive child wanting to be a heroine. She didn´t belong here, this wasn´t her war.

"It's the weakness of the light side you feel." Leah looked up as someone entered. In the first moment she believed it was again a hallucination of Jaina but then she recognized her opponent. Clad in a dark robe, Leah´s own image stood before her. The apprentice gasped, trying to understand what she saw in front of her. This Leah was older and wore her hair not in a braid but loose but it was the eyes that scared the girl the most. They were yellow and nothing but hatred was in them. Leah remembered a holo she had seen of Darth Caedus; he had possessed the same eyes and nothing of the warmth she had seen in Jacen´s.

"Who are you?" Leah asked the being before her fearing the answer.

"I am you. I´m your future."

Leah started to shiver again. Could this be true? Her counterpart stepped towards her with a smug grin on her face.

"I know who you are, I know what you want. You dream of becoming a heroine, you want to make the galaxy a better place. The dark side can grant you these things and more. The Jedi are holding you back. Let me show you your true potential."

Leah looked into the being´s face, it was hers she knew. This Leah was strong, she could feel it. But then the apprentice looked into the being´s eyes, in the hatred, and she remembered something. A conversation with Gaven, only year ago, but it felt as if a millennium had passed since then:

Night had gathered on Corusant and shadows had fallen between the great skyscrapers. Leah sat on the railing of the apartments balcony and looked at the thousands of skycars below her. Her head was still filled with the impressions of the last few days. Their arrival here, the meeting with the grandmaster, her official joining of the order and what the other Jedi had told her. All of this seemed surreal for her, as if she was dreaming. This world was so different from the forests of her homeworld, but it was real she knew.

"Can´t sleep?" Gaven stood behind her on the balcony, a weak smile on his face. Leah nodded and Gaven stepped next to her. "I felt the same. When I came to Coruscant for the first time, I couldn´t really sleep for weeks. Everything here felt just wrong to me."

Leah knew what he meant. In the Teris sector the people followed a simple lifestyle surrounded by nature, here on Corusant there was no nature left. For a moment the two humans watched the skycars together, than Leah asked the question that worried her.

"Gaven, I thought about what you told me about Jacen. He was such a gentle and nice man. How could he have done those horrible things?" The girl remembered how she had talked with Jacen on the freighter, how friendly he had been and the sadness she had seen in his eyes.

Gaven thought a moment before he answered. "Jacen was a great hero of the Jedi order long before I even came to the temple. He fought against the last remnants of the old empire and later against the Vong. He was very brave but he suffered, his brother died when they were as young as you are, Jacen himself was taken captive and tortured for months. And something grew in him, worries and a will to protect the galaxy at any cost. As time continued he felt more and more frustrated with the ways of the Jedi and started to seek his own ways. He pushed away his friends and family and the dark side corrupted him. In the end it was his desire to protect the people he loved that drove him into doing these things."

Leah thought about this. Then she asked, "The dark side- what is it actually? I´ve heard the Jedi talking about it but I don´t really understand."

Gaven sat down next to her on the railing and turned towards her. "The dark side is the evil side of the force. It´s powered by dark emotions, like hatred, jealousy, greed and desire. Have you ever been so angry that you lost control over your emotions? That you said or did things you normally wouldn´t?"

Leah nodded. Sometimes when she had been angry at her parents she had screamed at them and once she had even wanted to run away from her home. Later she had always regretted what she done and felt guilty about it.

Gaven gave her a weak smile. "It's only natural to sometimes feel anger, we all do. The dark side, however, is a danger all Jedi have to be aware of. If we become too emotional it can corrupt us, taint our soul. Over time Jacen became more aggressive, more ruthless in the pursuit of his goals, up to the point where he started to kill innocents for the greater good. He became Darth Caedus, a Sith Lord, the very foe he had tried to fight in the first place."

Again the apprentice thought about it for a while before she said, "But Jacen was saved."

Gaven smiled. "Indeed, at the end it was an act of mercy that saved him. His sister Jaina spared his life at the end. Even after all he had done she couldn´t kill her brother. She acted like Jedi are supposed to act, saving a life instead of taking it."

Leah returned Gaven´s smile. She was still a little insecure so she asked, "Which side is stronger, the light or the dark?"

Her master kept silent for a moment before he answered. "Neither of them is stronger. Those who follow the dark side say that we Jedi are weak as we feel pity, remorse, and mercy. But when I learned anything in my life it´s that it takes a lot of strength to be a Jedi. It's easier to hate than to forgive, easier to cut a wound than to heal it, easier to generalize than to understand. It's easier to kill a Sith than to save him. But if you look at Jacen, the Jacen you met, not the one you heard about, what is the side you want to be on?"

Leah thought about this for a while, about what she heard of Jacen of the hatred in which the other Jedi had talked about him. Then she thought of the Jacen she met herself, the broken man and the sadness in his brown eyes. "On the light side. Jacen might be a broken man, but he has you and Nev. He has friends who love him, despite all he has done, friends that are there for him. A Sith ultimately has just himself."

Gaven gave her a smile. "You will become a wise Jedi one day, Leah."

She returned his smile and felt pride because of his words. But after a while another thought came to her mind. "Gaven, should I ever fall, would you save me then?"

Her master laid his hand on her shoulder. "Of course I will."

Leah hugged him. Since the moment they had met in the hut on Asterian, Gaven had been there for her. He had saved her life and now he and Nev treated her like the daughter they never had. For the first time since her parent´s death Leah felt truly happy.

The memory faded away and Leah raised her head to her counterpart. "I will never fall to the dark side."

She saw anger in the other´s face as the dark Leah raised her hand. Blue lighting filled the room and Leah screamed in pain as it hit her. She had never felt something like this before, the energy of the dark side floated through her body and it felt as if she was hit by a thousand blaster bolts at the same time.

When it stopped, Leah collapsed in her chains. Her whole body was still hurting worse than her shoulder wound had.

"You are weak that you refuse such power," her counterpart told her.

"No," Leah muttered while the pain lessened more and more. "It's you who is weak, you threw everything good inside you away." With defiance in her eyes the padawan looked at the hallucination in front of her. "You won´t break me."

A smile filled her opponents face. "You are indeed strong, young Jedi, but that won´t save you. Sooner or later you will break." The lighting hit her again and Leah screamed.

 

"A Sith ultimately has just himself." -- Poignant quote. And the downfall of tyrants everywhere...they don't trust anyone.

Look forward to an update!

 

Defenetly, I´m glad you like it.

Sorry that it took so long for me to continue, I had a few very busy weeks.



Twenty Four

Darkness surrounded Jacen the moment he stepped across the threshold of the ominous tower. He could feel the hatred that surrounded him and the dark influence that was waiting here. Again he asked himself if something of the former owner of the tower, the Son, was here. Had this being been so strong to even cheat death and remain in his shadowed realm?

Jacen remembered that the old Sith had tried to find ways to become immortal, to stop their bodies from aging or to transfer their spirits into another host. But this was different. It was as if the disembodied spirit of the dead son was still around. Or was it the dark side itself?

"Gaven?" he whispered as he made another step.

Nobody answered. When he looked around, Jacen saw he was alone. But this time he didn´t panic, he had suspected something like this would happen the moment he had felt the dark presence in the tower for the first time. It´s a hallucination, he told himself. A dark side trick. Jacen concentrated on his surroundings, careful what he would encounter this time.

"It was all a trick, you know."

Jacen turned around and jumped a step back as he saw who was behind him. He saw himself, not Caedus, not the Jedi he had been in the past but his current self. Jacen saw the worries in his own face, and the sadness in his brown eyes. The figure slowly walked towards him. "It was all a lie, the vision of the great war, of Allana enslaved by the dark man. Nothing of this was true."

Jacen shivered. In the last five years he had asked himself this over and over again. If any of the visions had been true. He remembered how the visions had troubled him, how they had influenced him. How they had convinced him to become Darth Caedus.

The vision continued, "You may tell yourself you did all of this to save Allana or the galaxy, but deep in your heart you know the truth. You knew it the entire time."

Tears filled Jacen´s eyes as the words reached him. In his heart he knew it was right, it all had been a fake. He, Jacen Solo, once one of the greatest Jedi of his age, had turned to the dark side and committed horrible crimes against millions of beings, because of a lie. He had been weak and too arrogant in his confidence in himself. He had pushed away his friends and turned on those he loved.

Again the memories filled his mind of the death he had caused, of all the things he had done.

"And it wasn´t the first time your arrogance led to suffering." Another voice continued and Jacen looked in the face of his teenage self. "You have berated your own brother, criticized everything he ever did. He was a such a better Jedi than you. It's your fault he is dead."

Jacen broke down, stricken with grief, when he realized the truth in these words. He had mistreated Anakin, he had scolded him and screwed over his plans. It was his fault that Anakin had died on Mykr. And later? He had dishonored his brother´s legacy when he turned Tahiri to the dark side by using her grief.

"And today?" The shadow continued but Jacen´s eyes were filled with tears and he couldn´t see him. "Today you search for redemption? Have you ever spent the slightest thought on what you are doing to the people around you? Gaven and Nev nearly died on Asterian because of you. Briala is dead because of you. Those villagers are dead because of you. How many people still have to die for the sake of your redemption? We both know that´s a lost cause, you will never find redemption for your sins. You have gone too far." His opponent made a pause while Jacen felt the hatred inside him.

It was his own hatred, he knew. His own contempt for himself.

"Say, are you so nice to Leah because she reminds you of Nelani? Do you think saving her will somehow make up for murdering your own apprentice? The girl is defiant, you know; she still has faith in you. But how would she react if she knew the truth? If she had seen Nelani pleading you to stop heading down this dark path, pleading with you not to kill her."

Memories of Nelani filled Jacen´s mind, how he had chased her down, disarmed her and how his blade had cut through the girl´s chest. For a second he saw himself impaling Leah the same way.

"How would Gaven and Nev treat you if they would have seen what you did? They would hate you, like the galaxy hates you." Again the shadow paused while Jacen´s thoughts ran through his mind, accusing himself of every crime he had committed, of every sin and every wrong decision.

The other Jacen sat down next to him, looking like his current self again. He said only three words, but they broke Jacen. "I hate you."

Jacen started to cry even harder. His body shivered as the darkness began to consume him. He saw the pictures again in his mind, of the crimes he had committed, of all the death he caused. Of all the people who would be alive if he had just died on Mykr.

"Please," he muttered. "Please forgive me. I´m sorry, I´m so sorry." But he knew he would never get an answer. His sins were too horrible to forgive. He had gone too far to deserve any redemption. All that was left for him was damnation. When he felt hand on his shoulder he knew it was just another trick, just another hallucination.

"He won´t forgive you, Jacen," someone said next to him. This time the voice was familiar, but not his own. When he looked up he saw someone sitting beside him, a teenage boy. Jacen looked into the face of his own brother.

Anakin´s smile was sad as he continued. "He won´t forgive you, unless you forgive yourself."

 

Jacen has to face his worst fears and his worst fear is... himself. How can he forgive himself for the things he ahs done? And how does that fear prevent him from helping his friends? Leah needs him to help her.

Maybe now, with his brother Anakin's help, Jacen can start to heal himself. He has to accept the past and leave it behind, doing what he can to make sure it never happens again but not berating himself so much that he can't look beyond it. Guilt can paralyze you.

A great chapter!