Before - Legends Forsaken and Begotten - Chapter 33: When One Door Closes.... *COMPLETE* Quick note 2-21

Well, howdy folks, here bright and early (on the east coast that is. ) to give you a new chap.

I realize if I am every going to meet my goal of finishing this segment of the story by my birthday, I have a LOT of work cut out for me. So I'm gonna try concentrating again and focusing on the one muse to get reach my goal. (For those wondering, me b-day is 7-15. )

Also, I wanted to give this to you now so that either later on Fri or Sat I can post a BONUS section. But I will talk on that a bit more after the post.

Anyway, REPLIES are always GOOD!!!!!!!!! hint, hint I like encouragment. It keeps me on track!! And Muses really like it too. So please do so!!

Now on with the post! Oh and I do hope you enjoy emotional rollercosters, because this may be a fun ride.

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Chapter 28: The Last Straw


For a change, the return to consciousness was not a jarring experience. It was a gradual change from dark to light. But what was startling was the change of scenery. Glancing around, he took in the differences. The room was still painfully white and blank; however the room itself was much smaller. Turning his head, he could see a little sink in the corner and a mini fresher. Whatever he was lying on wasn?t meant for the comfort of its occupants; it was flat and barely cushioned. Nothing else was in the room. He was alone.

He huffed lightly to himself, ?Guess they moved me while I was out.? As a follow up to that question, he wondered, How long was I out? His body was still aching although it was considerably dulled now. If his assumptions were correct, Qui-Gon made use of the change none-the-less. The man must have helped his body cope with his phantom injuries as well as the effects of the collar. His mind kept the image of the tall Jedi at the forefront. He found it so unfair. Qui-Gon was the catalyst that sent him into the pain-filled existence under Drrov. Tuuvu managed to bring him back. And as much as he loved and thanked his surrogate father for all his help, there was still a long buried and deep desire to be the Jedi?s apprentice.

But with the odds against them ever meeting again, he was content to just hate the man for what happened to him. It was rather petty but it brought him some sense of comfort. The fact that somehow even against those horrible odds, fate had brought them together again was disconcerting. He had always assumed that the man would have long forgotten about him, even if he himself could not. So it was shocking to know that the Knight recognized him so quickly. As their ?adventure? (Obi didn?t know what else to call it) continued, he was more surprised to discover that not only was the man able to identify him, but had also thought about him quite often and that he made a mistake.

A mistake. An error. A blunder. A misjudgment. Was that all he was to the universe? Could it be that somehow fate was defied and sent him down the wrong path? He just didn?t know. And thinking about it too much was giving him a headache. So he stopped and thought about different things, like Tuuvu and his family. Suddenly he was unbearably homesick. Whenever he was down, he could always count on Tuuvu, Jorri, Mrrogh or Liior to give him a hug. He always loved their hugs. Not only were they always what he needed but because of their soft fur it was extremely comforting and soothing. He really longed for one of those now. Instead, he could only hope for the chance to see them one more time before the end.

His headache was getting worse. Those thoughts had done nothing except fuel his throbbing head. Giving up, he decided not to think at all. But when you are alone with nothing else but your thoughts and no desire to sleep, what else was there to do?

Yet it was something more sinister that shredded his attempts. ?Bauudi.? The voice said. Immediately, Obi-Wan shot up. His eyes, wide and searching for something he almost feared mo

 

I'm a very good little reviewer. I totally deserve to read the post. uh huh yup absolutely

 

WOW! And the truth comes out!!!

?Nothing,? he repeated. ?In fact, a number of Knights to the Council came, requesting permission to approach you. Denied they all were by my prompting.?

?What?? A disbelieving hiss escaped him. His mind was reeling from the verbal blows. Confused and lost, he just couldn?t accept what the Master was saying. Knights had asked to be his Master and Yoda, of all people, pushed them away? He was suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. Pained blue-green eyes bore into the Jedi, searching desperately for any signs of verification. ?Why?? He managed to plead.

?Felt I had that another, your Master should have been.?

His mind continued to race through the information, suddenly it dawned on him whom Yoda meant, ?Qui-Gon?? Yoda nodded.

?Believed strongly that the Force meant for you two to be Master and Padawan. So helped it along I did. Denied others and kept at Qui-Gon to consider you. But too wrapped in his own pain he was to see you. And too blind by my own beliefs to stop what was happening. The fight with Bruck caused the others to release you. Nothing I could do to prevent it. And no way to convince Qui-Gon in time to take you. So away you were sent and lost.?

Obi-Wan struggled to get to his feet. Glaring down at the Jedi, he began, ?In the past five years I have gone through hell and back, and for what? Nothing? You?re telling me that all the pain I went through was not because I deserved it but because of an oversight?? He paused, waiting for an answer that wouldn?t come. The anguish in his voice poured out, ?All my life I wanted nothing more than to be a Jedi, to serve others. And when I was cast out, I wanted to die because if I couldn?t be a Jedi, life would be meaningless. There were so many times I was on the verge, I could feel the Force closing in around me, but I could never bring myself to let go. I figured living would be just punishment for the demon I believed I was.

?And now you tell me that everything I believed about myself was a lie. My failures were not absolute. That my punishment was unfitting. And what difference does all this really make? None. My dreams are dead! I?m too old to be a Jedi now. And what would the Jedi want with a convicted pirate anyway?? Tears trailed down his face, his throat constricted making it hard to speak, but he had to get out one last question, ?How could you destroy my life??

And like... wow! Yoda is speechless!!

And for the first time in too many years to count, Yoda had no answers. He had no shining gem of wisdom to balm the emotional scars he himself had inflicted. Seeing this, the youth could take no more. His legs buckled and he collapsed to the ground on hands and knees. His head bent and his body racked with sobs. Eventually, he found the will to speak one more time. ?Please, leave me alone.?

Sorry for inputing so much... but this was all so heartwenching!!! Great work!! Totally enjoyed this post! Totally Obi angst all the way!!

And as for that post you're talking about... I'm game!

 

Even Joda can't help him!

 

Well, it was about darn time you posted!!!! As you know, I loved this post - both for the Yoda scene (and you know how much I love Yoda ) and for the voice in Obi's head tormenting him.

Darn Yoda- interfering where he should not have been. Obi-Wan would have been a Padawan if the almighty Yoda hadn't seen fit to push along his own idea of what was to be. At least, he's sorry about it. But that doesn't help Obi-Wan now does it?

I liked the Soul Healer. Obi-Wan is going to need one if he ever gets out of prison. And I noticed that her Padawan was in the background...

Great job but I don't know how you're going to finish by 7/15. You've a long way to go!

So when's the next post?

 

Wow! That was simply amazing. The scene between Yoda and Obi-Wan was absolutely heart wrenching! I need to go find a Kleenex! Can't wait for more!

 

That's so sad, for Obi-Wan to find out what really happened. Great emotional stuff - I'd love to read the original post...

Can't wait for more!

 

Ummm...I'm a good little reader, aren't I?

 

Well, this certainly sounds like the last post. Poor Obi-Wan, having to endure all that torment, only to find out that there was nothing wrong with him, that it was only because Yoda's machinations went wrong that he wasn't chosen as a padawan. Who to blame, though, Yoda for trying to help Obi-Wan and Qui-Gon to come together, or Qui-Gon for not 'playing along' and doing the right thing?

I notice that Yoda said he "would have been" a good knight. That sounds as though it's all in the past now. Yoda didn't say anything about him rejoining the Jedi.

I don't know now ... I can imagine that between this knowledge, and the fresh pain that it's brought, and the voice in his head, with the old pains brought back, Obi-Wan might be driven to at least try to escape through suicide. Then the Soul Healer will come in and restrain his hands so that he can't hurt himself any more, then Qui-Gon rescues him ... and ... nah, that won't work. Keep writing, Arldetta. I keep wondering if anything's ever going to go right for poor Obi-Wan.

 

Thank you all so very much!! I must admit I enjoy emotional roller coasters, and I'm glad to see I'm in good company.

As promised, I am posting the original scene in which Obi and Yoda talk. Their conversation is a bit longer here and a bit more revealing. But I thought Obi was just way too nice after the hammer fell. So I took the gyst and focused on that instead the 'heartfelt' discusion here.

Well, enjoy!!

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Bonus: Original Yoda Scene

Obi-Wan lay on his bunk, hands behind his head and staring at the grey ceiling above. He was doing his best not to dwell on the coming trial. It should be virtually impossible for them not to find him guilty on all counts. So what would become of him now? How long would he be incarcerated? Those were the real questions.

As he lay in the quiet containment cell, he brought up the good memories as often as he could. The moment he found out that Drrov was dead and he was free. The months he spent with Jorri as she revived him from his living death. The pride in Tuuvu?s voice when he addressed him. He savoured each one and placed them in his heart. He knew that he could handle any penitentiary, he had survived Drrov.

But now his mind wandered down a different path, one he had not tread in years. A path that had only recently opened back up to him. Memories of the Temple and his life as an initiate came to the forefront. The first time he powered on a lightsaber. The first time he won a duel. The first time he beat Bruck. Bant?s gentle touch and their frequent swims. Garen?s instigation that would always land them in trouble. Reeft?s never-ending appetite. And the camaraderie between the quartet.

They were both wonderful and painful at the same time. Before he could stop what happened next, he spiraled down into the shame and self-loathing that followed when his life turned upside down. Soon he was bombarded with mocking laughter. In the beginning it was Bruck but it soon melded into a Hutt and his lackeys and finally to Drrov. Pain abruptly followed and he was cast into an abyss of torment. Forced to relive a nightmare that rivaled the depths of hell.

Curling up on his side and facing the wall he did his best to fend off the offending memories, to no avail. They continued their assault, pulling him further and further into the pit of despair. So lost in the horrors of his life, he never heard the cell door open, or the visitor walk in. It was only when a tiny hand touched his shoulder that he knew he was not alone. Amazingly, he didn?t even have to turn to know who was there, despite the years gone by since they had last spoken.

Instead of pushing him away and telling him to leave, Obi-Wan allowed the misery to engulf him and took comfort in the presence. Long minutes passed before the tears began to abate. Small gentle circles were messaged into his back, soothing his suffering. At the last hiccuping sobs he managed, ?Thank you, Master Yoda.?

?Welcome, you are.? The ancient being waited as Obi-Wan sat up. Never turning to look at the tiny figure, Obi leaned against the wall. Drawing his legs up in front of him, he used his sleeve to clean his face. Yoda watched as the boy moved, noticing how different the young initiate he once knew was now. Even from the back, the Master could see that insecure little boy that thrived deep within the rogue. Carefully, Yoda pulled the Force to him to float up onto the bunk. He sat behind Obi-Wan and replaced his hand on the hunched shoulders. Sighing, the little Jedi said softly, ?Missed you I have. Away too long, you have been.?

?I don?t understand.? Sniffling, he glanced over his shoulder.

?Never once believed you gone I did. Hoped return earlier you would have.? Tell all ears drooped when Yoda spoke, revealing the sorrow that filled him.

Despite the lightening in his heart at Yoda?s words, he quickly fell back into despondency. His voice was quiet yet gruff with emotion, ?You know I

 

Ahhhhh now I liked that!!! That one was totally awsome!! Thanks for that bonus post!!

 

As feel-good and mushy the original Yoda scene was, I think the angsty one was much more climatic and better for the story so far.

 

Loved the bonus post but I agree with you--Yoda got off far too easy! Thanks for sharing with us--you truly have a special gift with words.

 

The angsty post fit better intot he story, but I think I like the the mushy one just as well.

 

I liked the one you posted rather than the earlier 2003 one. It was too easy for Obi-Wan. I like angst even more than mush - yes, it's possible.

Ari's muse is doing well!!!! Next post is wonderful! I can say that, can't I, Ari?

 

Awfully nice of you to put up the bonus posty. I enjoyed it quite a bit, but I do see why you changed your mind about it. You just couldn't let Yoda off that easily, could you?

 

I like both versions. But I agree with the others, Joda got off far too easy in the bonus post.
It was so touching to see Obi-Wan in the new version on his knees sobing to Joda, his last hope: "Please leave me alone"! Can't get it out of my head.
Great work! Can't wait for more!

 

I enjoyed the redone version better. It was more in character with the Obi-Wan that we have been reading about. To have him except that particular piece of news without being hurt just wouldn't have made sence.

 

I finally caught up Arldetta. I love the direction you are taking us and I have to agree that the revised conversation between Yoda and Obi-Wan fits in better with the direction the story has taken. I can't wait to see what happens at the trial.

 

Well, I'm sooo glad everyone felt the same as me. And I especially liked how the newer version came out. Thanks all for reading and the feed back!!

Now, since I'm drudging this thing back up from the abyss, I guess I may as well post a chap for you. I hope you like it. It's not exactly as detailed as I usually get but I think this will work out for the best. Besides, it's still a rather long post. So here you go, ENJOY!!

Let the trial begin!!

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Chapter 29: No more Excuses

?Why no one will help me? I?m too dumb, I?m too smart.
They?ll not understand me. I?m lonely, they?ll hate me.

There is not enough time, it takes too much to help me.
God wants me to work, no resting, no lazy.

These excuses have served me so well.
They?ve kept me safe, they?ve kept me stuck
They?ve kept me locked in my own cell.? - Excuses (Alanis Morrisette - So-Called Chaos)


The morning was hectic. Preparations and finalizations were being made as so many people scurried all over. Everything moved in fast forward, everything except the one that all this chaos would effect most. Amidst the hustle, he was motionless. After his talk with Master Yoda the night before, he lost the last remaining fragments of himself. Internally he was dead, a corpse walking - pretending to live. Outwardly, it was just a physical shell in the visage of Obi-Wan Kenobi.

The world no longer seemed real to him, more like a dream that ran on continuously. He let those around him guide and direct him. He was given clothes to change into for the trial. A small plate of food was offered but all he did was move the contents around. When the guards came to take him away, he didn?t struggle and calmly held up his hands to make it easier for them to bind him. Before he knew it, he was walking into a moderate room where people busied themselves before the trial began.

At a desk ahead, Guillaume sat waiting for him. He vaguely noticed the Jedi that sat in the audience or any of the various civilians including most of the crew from the Zenah. Griven?s death stare didn?t even faze him in the least. He sat where he was told to and let the world continue without him. Guillaume, for his part, tried to prepare the rogue for what was to come, but Obi didn?t hear him.

?Now, Obi-Wan, I?m not going to lie to you, this is not going to be an easy battle. I just want you to know that I will use everything in my power to get you released to the Jedi. And if it comes down to it, I may have to resort to more drastic methods. I just want you to be prepared for it.? He paused and looked around for a moment and noticed the people had become a bit more frantic. ?The trial will begin in a few minutes. When the Arbitrator comes in, you need to stand. For now, you will just be here but probably by this afternoon you will be called to testify. Speak truthfully no matter how much Sauro tries to manipulate your words. Until then just try and stay calm. A hot head never has helped a case.?

A second after he stopped speaking, a CSF Guard entered the court and called the session to order. ?All rise for Arbitrator Osei-Tutu.? A petite round figure came in, shorter than the average human but nowhere near as small as Yoda, with smooth light green skin and bright orange eyes. It had skin ridges instead of hair. And when it spoke, the harmonics of the voice did not allow those to discern if the being was male or female.

?Thank you, Official Naku. I now invite the barristers to make their opening remarks.? Those in the room sat once more except for the prosecution.

Sano Sauro stepped from behind his desk to take center stage. He addressed the Arbitrator and the eight-manned panel that would serve as jury in this case. ?As most of you know, the Republic is the mightiest power in the galaxy right now. It has offered peace and stability to many of the worlds under its charge as well as any one who has asked for our help. The Galactic Senate i

 

it's back and on to the trial

 

Hey, where's the Obi post?

As you know, I really liked the way you did this - with snippets of information and yet it tells the whole story! Great job. Are you ready to send me the next piece????

 

Ohhh great! Totally AWESOME post!!!! Loved the statements from each person. Can imagine each one too!! The one with the healer was definitely interesting as well as the Capt of the ship. Of course Kiev's friend's comments were troubling.. but the dude kind'a dug his own grave by stating he did the beating w/o provocation and enjoyed it. Bet they won't do anything about that of course... Go figure...

Excellent totally excellent! Bant and Qui's spill and that little initiate's too!

Can't wait for Obi's! We all know that's gonna be total angst thru and thru with bad boy lawyer drilling Obi!

 

Wow--that was intense! I can't even imagine what Obi's part is going to be like! Wonderful job!

 

*delurking*

Great chap!!! I really love your story!!

I have a baaad feeling about this Sano guy... I think he will cause even more pain while tomenting Obi.

Keep up your good work, can't wait for the next post...

Auf Wiedersehen!!!

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