Forsaken and Begotten[JA/AU] ~*~ Question for my Readers 10-22-03 Please respond. thnx ~*~

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Arldetta, Nov 5, 2002.

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  1. sheleigh Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 31, 2002
    star 4
    This- too good to fall. :)


    An idea for the next chapter? ohh... now I'm curious. *cough* post *cough*

    ;)

    And to think... the orginal intent of this was a simple up...

    8-}
  2. CYNICAL21 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2001
    star 4
    This is really quite gripping, Arldetta - well plotted, very original, and a thorough examination of what Obi would have done had Bandomeer never happened. But you surely don't intend to leave this hanging like this for long, do you? That constitutes cruel and unusual punishment, I think.

    Very well done - but now you need to do more. :D

    CYN
  3. sabercrazy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2002
    star 4
    UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!!!!!!!!!!!!!
  4. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Thank you all so very much! :D I'm pretty excited at the moment because I just finished "From the Ashes, Grow the Roses" under Knight_MysAri!!! That story which I never intended to be so long turned out to be quite an adventure. Anyhoo, the good news is with that fic done I am now only working on 4 WIP's. LOL. I will be striving to complete a couple more by Thanksgiving which will free up more of my mind and time for me to devote to this tale.

    Right now, I am working on the next post, which is proving to be more difficult than I thought. [face_frustrated] I'm trying to get the Qui/Obi confrontation just right before I post anything. As such, if anyone out there is willing to beta a bit for me I would greatly appreciate it. Please PM me if you are interested. Thanks.

    At this time I'm hoping to have Chapter 3 to you on Tuesday, but I don't want to make any promises I might have to break. So please be patient and I promise you will not be disappointed. If nothing else, I'm hoping that all chapters for this story will be roughly the same length if not longer. So you will have more Obi than you can handle, if all goes well. ;)

    Once again, I thank you and any upping would be appreciated. :D
  5. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
    up, up, and awayyyyyyyyyy.....
  6. snowbee-wan kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2000
    star 4
    Hey Arldetta!
    Great post!
    Can't wait for more!
  7. Ewanfan51 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2002
    star 2
  8. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    So as not to fall behind, let me do my thank you's now. Then I will comment on the next post.

    Jedi_Borme - Thank you. I am really hoping to be able to bring the conflict between them to light. And do it well.

    Sheila - Thank you. :D I was almost afraid the landing sequence was a bit too long and drawn out, but then again to "skip" over 'details' might confuse people, so I filled it out. [face_blush] I wanted to convey the different views of what had happened as they would have been viewed by each person effected. I tried to look at it from thier perspective. As Obi, I would want to run and hide. Not to bring up those feelings of doubt and pain. As Qui, he seems so into himself that he would see this as his chance to correct a wrong and not take ito consideration the obsticles at first. Sometimes he can be so blinded by his ambition he forgets his skills as a negotiatior. As Bant, what would I do if I had a dear friend 'die' on me and suddenly found out he was alive and well? I think I would be mixed with feelings, joy to see them again yet anger and pain that they did not feel that they could not trust(maybe) me enough to confide in. As for what he could or could not have done, it will be revealed a bit more later. There will be a lot of discussion between the various parties. And because of my putting so much into each post, I hope to maintain the "long post" standard I have set. ;)

    Flash - Thank you very much. I'm really trying to get feelings down. I fear it lacks sometimes in my work and I wanted to delve into it a bit more. I think it's funny the things I feel are so important I neglect oft times when I write or sometimes in my life. (i.e. feelings in my writing/eyes in my life) And thanks for the help. ;)

    sabercrazy - LOL, you're funny. I hope you manage to retain his services for as long as possible. :)


    Cas, Flash, Saber, Sheleigh and jacen20015 - Thanks for the UPs! :D

    CYN - I have come to enjoy reader torture as much as Obi-Torture. ;) I never intended to keep them waiting so long, it just kinda happens. And like I said, this chapter is giving me quite a run for my money. I hope to get a post up now by the end of this week. Sorry for the delay. :(

    PaddyJuan, snowbee-wan and Ewanfan51 - Thank you. :D I appreciate you stopping by. ;)



    Now, as for the next post, that's a little tougher. Right now, I'm working on posts for two of my other stories. Then I plan on taking all the wonderful suggestions my kind betas have offered and really hacking out the next chap to this. At this point in time I am hoping to have it done by the end of the week. Please forgive me and be patient. Like I said before, any UP's would be most appreciated. :)
  9. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  10. sabercrazy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2002
    star 4
    I hope you manage to retain his services for as long as possible

    Don't worry about me ;)

  11. Flashbacca Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2002
    star 4
  12. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
  13. snowbee-wan kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2000
    star 4
  14. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
  15. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    I just wanted to let you know, I think I worked out that kink and will hopefully be posting tomorrow. Please be patient and I hope the wait will have proved itself as a good thing. ;) Thanks everyone for the UP's!! :D
  16. Ewanfan51 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2002
    star 2
  17. Jacinta_Kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 23, 2001
    star 4
    "I still am." :_| Obi, my baby, come get a hug!!!!

    *claspes the beautiful boy to her* Poor boy. :_|

    Well....Very nice. I like it a lot, Detta! The emotions you are putting in here....amazing. :D More soon please.
  18. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  19. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Alright, I can take a hint. ;) I had it beta'd by one person and am waiting for another to get back, so it's possible there might be a few alterations.

    I would also like to thank all those who volunteered their time to make sure I got this right. I finally got inspiration and I think it worked.

    Anyway, I hope this is alright. I really worked hard on it. Thanks again for all the wonderful up's. :D You don't know how much it means to me.

    Well, here goes.....

    ---------------------------------------------

    Chapter 3 ? Old Wounds, Same Mistakes

    ?Nothing that you say will release you.
    Nothing that you pray would forgive you.
    Nothing?s what your words mean to me.

    Something that you did will destroy me.
    Something that you said will stay with me,
    Long after you?re dead and gone.? ? As Heaven is Wide (Garbage)


    Running through the vacant corridors, Bant charged into Adi?s and Siri?s room and headed straight for the ?fresher. A startled Siri, watched her flight and instantly became curious. She was about to follow the fellow Padawan when Master Tahl came in.

    Glancing at the concerned Master, she could see the compassion in the cat like eyes. This puzzled her further, as she could not understand what could have upset them both so. Breezing by, the Master pursued her apprentice. Siri stood still for a moment determining what she should do, when her Master finally entered. She stared up at the stern woman expectantly.

    Adi easily read the bewilderment in the perceptive gaze of her Padawan and knew she would have to answer a multitude of questions. And most of them she feared there would be no answer she could offer at this time. Already expecting the question, she heard, ?Master? What?s happened??

    Sighing, the Councilwoman made her way over to stand in front of the girl. She figured it would be best to start with the facts. ?We?ve landed on a planet. We are still unsure as to the extent of the damage.? She paused to observe the younger woman as Siri battled to hold back her anxiousness at learning the real reason for the distress that surrounded them. ?And we have learned something extraordinary about our Pirate captive. It appears, he was once a Jedi student.?

    Siri wanted to blurt out that that was obvious, since he had known her name. But she bit her tongue to stop such an impertinent comment. Instead, she managed a calm, ?Who is he??

    ?His name is Obi-Wan Kenobi.? Watching the girl intently, Adi gauged the girl?s reaction. After witnessing Bant?s response to the news, she didn?t know how her Padawan would accept this revelation.

    Siri withdrew into her memories. She knew the name and searched for the few instances they had interacted as initiates. After a moment she found a sparring match, in which he won, that sifted forward. And also a memory of Bruck and Obi-Wan standing facing each other as some heated words were exchanged. At the time she thought she was above such petty behaviour, but found she was wrong during a mission to Kegan.

    There she learned she was just as competitive as the two boys and desire to prove herself better. But the patience and experience of the other Padawan with her only proved she had much to learn. That was over three years ago and she thought she had progressed since then. Now her thoughts drifted back to the present and she began to realize the precarious position they were in. Thousands of questions ran through her mind and she sat on the edge of the bed as she sorted through them.

    Regarding her Padawan, Adi watched as Siri sank to the bed. ?Siri??


    ?Are you alright??


    Sniffling a bit, Bant glanced up at her Master?s question. ?I don?t know,? she confessed. ?My world has just been up-turned, and I don?t know what to do about it.? The Calamarian returned her gaze back down to examine her hands. She had sat down on the waste disposal seat since it was really the only place to sit. Tahl after a moment decided to sit across from her on the edge of the bathing tub.

    ?Would you like to talk abo
  20. shanobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
    :D I get first post for a change :)

    Well, I left a review at ff.n, but I got a chance to pop in here and thought i'd give this an UP!

    I love what you are doing with this Arldetta. The characters and their emotions are all very realistic and believable. I know you had a bit of a hard time with the confrontation, but the end result is AWESOME girl!!

    Gotta make my rounds, but i'm so lovin this fic. I can't wait to see where you end up with it--and i'm not trying to rush you there either. I love a nice long well written ride. Probably why I like CYN's fics so much too :) Catch you next time.

    --Shan
  21. Sugar_Bear Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2001
    star 3

    Terrific post, Arldetta! A riveting and intense confrontation chockfull of angst and first rate dialogue.

    Sharply written how Obi's openly heated resentment towards Qui-Gon boldly came across as well as his disillusionment and despair over the outcome of his life.

    Great conflict unfolding between the pair! Qui may be earnest in his remorse, however he'd better think fast and offer the wronged youth more than a mere apology to make up for his devastating blunder or else he can permanently kiss Obi bye-bye.

    Still wonderfully compelling! Obi's emotions are taking a battering and at the moment his loyalties appear to lean more towards his Pirate family than to the Jedi and rightfully so.
  22. kikeriki Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 23, 2002
    star 1
    I'm bouncing up and down right now. THAT WAS AWESOME!!! We asked for a confrontation and... well, we got one! That was a spectacular display of the anger that Obi's been feeling and I know I may be a little bit vindictive, but I loved seeing the Jedi epitome of density stumble along for a foothold in this verbal battle of guilt, remorse, and rage. Eat that, Qui!

    I adore Pirate Obi. He's so independent! And he's a pirate. That in itself is cool. Wonderful, wonderful, wonderful... I wish I could write like you, Arldetta. This story is extremely good. :D :D :D
  23. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    Lovely, just lovely. :D

    I loved the way you showed Obi-Wan's anger and Qui-Gon's guilt-ridden response.

    Great job, Arldetta. :D
  24. sabercrazy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2002
    star 4
    I don't know who to slap...Qui or Obi...

    Oh well...when in doubt...choose both... :D

    ::WHAP::

    ::WHACK::

    IDIOTS!!!!!!!
  25. Ewanfan51 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2002
    star 2
    Excellent post.
    Wow our Obi is fiesty. Qui Gon is going to have to get up pretty early to fool this Obi Wan.
    Like the sleep suggestion, he needed it.
    Poor Bant, I feel bad for her. She doesn't know that Obi Wan thought they knew he was alive and simply deserted him to his fate.
    I like that he has feelings for his pirate family. They did seem to care about him.
    Thanks
    More please
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