Forsaken and Begotten[JA/AU] ~*~ Question for my Readers 10-22-03 Please respond. thnx ~*~

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Arldetta, Nov 5, 2002.

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  1. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    Wonderful, Arldetta! Loved the argument between Obi and Qui. Obi-Wan's pride - and his unhealed hurt - won't let him admit that some of what Qui said is true, and Qui-Gon's overwhelming desire to make things right after he failed has him desperate to correct it immediately. In these states, they are bound to argue. Great set-up! :)

    I'm looking forward to the next post!
  2. snowbee-wan kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2000
    star 4
    WOW!
    That was excellent!

    "You are still the self-righteous, conceited, egotistical being that toys with children?s dreams. I won?t be deceived by your omnipotent rectitude.?


    Obi's got some pretty powerful things to say there..you do a great job of depicting Obi's emotions!
    way to go!
  3. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Shan - You are too much. :D Thanks for the lovely reviews at both sites. I do so appreciate them. :D I hope you're up for a rollercoaster. Because I've always wanted to build one. ;)

    Sugar_Bear - [face_blush] Wow, thank you sooo much. YOu have no idea how much I struggled with the dialogue, but am rather happy with the results. So I'm glad you liked it as well. :D I think Master of Denial is finally seeing the error of his ways. Although I don't know if he will move on them properly. He's never been one to get his Padawans down, and I don't think he'll be able to overcome that problem just yet. I think Obi's emotional battles are still just beginning. There are so many other people he must confront and so many choices he will have to make. All of which have pros and cans and no correct answer. So we'll just have to see where that all takes us. :)

    kikeriki - Wow, [face_blush] and wow again. Thank you very much. I'm just so happy about the end results of this post because I worked so hard on it. And by no means am I a "great" writer. There are sooo many others much more talented than I. And it just takes practice to write well. I'm sure you are a fine writer, just keep doing it. :)

    Jedi_Suzuran - Thank you!! And thanks for the help as well. I really appreciated it. ;)

    Sabercrazy - I don't know if I would have slapped them. Maybe offered a hug. Both are in so much pain, it's going to be hard for them to overcome it. But I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)

    Ewanfan51 - Thank you. :D I think most of the Jedi will be troubled for a while. Their world has just been turned upside down and they need to deal with the results. And we'll see Tuuvu and the rest soon, just not sure when exactly. ;)

    Cas - At this point I think they're destined to conflict. At least until they canm come to terms with each other's perpective. Thank you!!! :D And I'm still waiting on 'Remnants!' ;)

    Snowbee - Thank you very much! :) I know Obi's got some issues to work out, he's just got to be able to sit and think them through. I'm happy you could "feel" his turmoil. :)
  4. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    'Remnants' was updated late last night. ;)

  5. Flashbacca Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2002
    star 4
    Likee likee :D

    You gotta love this Obi - he has that tough exterior that hides that hurt, confused little boy interior. I am also liking the way that you are building up Qui. He's learned his lesson and showing the gentleness and compassion he is capable of by understanding Obi. Very nicely done Arldetta

    :D The Wookiee
  6. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    His pain came up to add to his tumult; pain from a rejection long past. ?I asked myself every single day, why? Why wasn?t I good enough? What was wrong with me that no one wanted to take me? What was it that disgusted people so that I was never chosen?? :_|

    I know you were worried about writing the confrontation, but this was perfect! :D

    I love that you are not going to make this easy on either Obi-Wan or Qui-Gon. A lot of time has gone by and Obi-Wan has a lot of life experience that has changed who he is but he still has the hurt from being rejected by the Jedi who were his family. I love how he mentions that there are those who care for him now, while Qui-Gon is assuming he can just take him back to the Temple as if any life he has made for himself during the past 5 years doesn't exist.

    I really like how you portraited both of them during this conflict. Obi-Wan hiding behind his anger but secretly hoping that Qui-Gon means what he says when he admits that he regrets not taking him as his padawan. And Qui-Gon feeling very guilty but finally getting a little angry at being the sole one to blame for Obi-Wan's fate. Very realistic and complex, just as emotions truly are.

    I can only imagine how angry Obi-Wan is going to be that Qui-Gon would dare to put him to sleep with a force suggestion. Can't wait for more of this terrific story. :)
  7. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I read this last night at FF.N, but was just too tired to review. I's liked it as much last night as I do know. Keep up the good work :)
  8. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Cas - I went and read, but now I want more. ;) Need more story!! :D

    Flash - Thanks. :D I'll see about making those changes shortly. I'm actually doing well on the next chap and hope to have that up soon.

    Sheila - Thank you! :D I'm so glad it worked out well in the end. It was a rough go, but am happy with the results. Yes there is and will be a lot of conflict between them all. Life tends to make things difficult. I can't imagine their lives being any different. Thanks for the comment about the emotions. I have been really striving to be able to convey them well and realistically. :D I hope I can keep it up. As for Obi's feelings about the sleep suggestion I think that might be a bit more complex than simple anger. But you'll have to wait and see about that. ;)

    PadawanKitara - Thank you very much! :D I'm glad you did.
  9. Flashbacca Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2002
    star 4
  10. Estel_Kenobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Sep 17, 2002
    star 1
    De-lurking...

    MORE!!!

    (oh me of many words...)
  11. shanobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 11, 2001
    star 4
  12. snowbee-wan kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2000
    star 4
  13. Flashbacca Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2002
    star 4
    and I double agree!!

    UP

    :D TW
  14. sabercrazy Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 2, 2002
    star 4
    I don't know if I would have slapped them. Maybe offered a hug. Both are in so much pain

    My advice to both of them? Cry a river build a bridge and get over it. Then...hug...cry...all that mushy junk :p

    But then we wouldn't have most of the plot would we? ;)

    Waiting to see how this pans out...
  15. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    Arldetta please write more.
  16. Flashbacca Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2002
    star 4
    **raises hand**

    I second that plea, and raise it UP

    :D TW
  17. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    All right, all right! You want a post, fine, here's a post for you! And it's snowing and it's nasty out and I still have to drive home from work!! :_|

    Not only that, I've been listening to my christmas music and I want to share it with you, Mwahahahahaha [face_laugh]

    This one's for you Flashbacca!!! ;)

    "What can you get a Wookie for Christmas when he already owns a comb?

    What can you get in a hurry for a furry kind of friend like that to tkae home?

    He doesn't need a tie-clip and he doesn't use shaving foam.

    So what can you get a Wookie for Christmas when he already owns a comb?

    Let's give him[her] love and understanding. Good will toward man. Wrap it all up in a bright coloured ribbon, and we'll give to him[her] all over again.

    And that's what you get a Wookie for Christmas when he already owns a comb."
    ;)

    Gotta love the Star Wars Christmas Album (curtesy of Rhino Records) :D

    I'll do thank you's after this post. Thanks for hanging on! Enjoy!! :D

    ---------------------------------------------

    Chapter 4: Wading Through

    ?Life and all it?s many choices
    Are so funny and so mean
    Deep thoughts in one?s convictions
    Can be someone?s discontent
    Just what it seems isn?t
    If must needs the devil drives

    Soul Searcher what are you looking for
    Soul giver what will you settle for?
    ? Soul Searcher (Clanad)


    His arms pulled the youth tighter to him, as Qui-Gon walked toward the sleepcouch. His thoughts still reeling from the battle he had forcefully ended. And he hated himself for it. When he first realized who their captive and daring pilot rescuer was, he had been both elated and dismayed. And those compelling eyes only added to the confusion of his emotions. And what are you going to do now? He asked himself.

    Carefully, he placed the corsair on the mattress but could not bring himself to release his hold from the young man. Instead he wanted to grip tighter so as not to loose him again; so as not to let go of the fantastic waking dream he found him self in. How he wished everything could have gone differently, and not turned into the nightmare it had so quickly become. He will not be pleased, his conscience remarked.

    His internal debate began. He never was to begin with, answering himself wryly. His hand strayed closer to the taut features of the boy, and he marveled to realize that his hand was trembling lightly.

    Noticing the shivering hand as well, his conscience asked, How is it that one boy can effect you more than the thousand wars you have seen?

    Sighing, he lightly brushed the soft ginger bangs from the young face and sat on the edge to watch him sleep. He is special.

    Passively, his conscience queried further, If he?s so special, why did you let him go all those years ago?

    Because, I was blind. I already realized that. He reminded his inner voice. There was nothing I could do when we were told he had been killed.

    And you are so certain of that? A hint of speculation in its tone.

    Tearing his gaze away, Qui-Gon finally stood. Clenching his eyes closed from the rebuke, he stopped two steps away from the couch. What could I have done? Gone to search in vain? The Council would never have allowed that.

    Slowly, he turned back to the sleeping rogue, watching the slight rise and fall of Obi-Wan?s chest. Again the voice remained calm yet condoning at the same time, inciting him further. Yet in your heart, did you not question their judgement when they could provide no trace of him?

    Of course, I did. He crossed his arms in front of his chest and fell into the defensive posture he used so often in his negotiations. But what good could I have done? The investigating authorities claimed that the Pirates took no prisoners.

    The diplomatic voice claimed plainly, They took at least one.

    The casually spoken fact infuriated him even more than he anticipated. Breathing deeply,
  18. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    Whee! First reply!

    I loved the way you wrote Qui's internal debate concerning Obi. He should be feeling unsure, after all the words that were exchanged between them. :)

    Loved it, loved it! [face_love]
  19. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    How is it that one boy can effect you more than the thousand wars you have seen?

    I especially liked this line. Qui-Gon is more attached to Obi-Wan than he would like to admit, and his inner conflict was believable.

    Wonderful post, Arldetta! :)
  20. Sugar_Bear Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2001
    star 3

    Wonderfully frank and honest introspection by Qui-Gon underscored by the anxious sense of time running out for the desperate Jedi to right the wrong he committed. I'm looking forward to seeing how Qui tackles the impossible task of winning Obi's trust.

    Nicely captured deep affection and concern from a fatherly Tuuvu for his wounded cub.

    Great post, Arldetta! Fascinating dichotomy where Obi has become the central focus in the lives of two men. To Qui, Obi is more or less a stranger and a figure of redemption. To Tuuvu and his mate Jorri, Obi is like a son.

    Siri shouldn't be so hard on Pirate Obi. He didn't have the option of becoming a Jedi knight as she mistakenly implied, having been sent to Agricorps.
  21. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    well done, especially the inner dialog/debate that QUi-GOn held with himself?
  22. Ewanfan51 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    May 19, 2002
    star 2
    Wonderful, a new chapter. I love the Tagorians. They are going to be a problem for Qui Gon and the Jedi. It appears they recognised him as special when the Jedi did not. I hope nothing bad happens to Obi's adopted pirate father.
    I don't think he could forgive the order that particular hurt.
    Qui Gon has his work ahead of him.
    More Please
    Thank you
  23. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    This was a wonderful post! I loved Qui-Gon's inner debate. His feelings would definitely be conflicted. I also liked Adi's concerns, she is a memeber of the Council afterall and they do have more to worry about than Obi-Wan. It is going to be very interesting having all of these different characters involved.

    I love the pirates and wonder how all of this will work out in the end. Obi-Wan is obviously very much loved by his new family and there is bound to be conflict when everyone meets again. I look forward to seeing where this goes, I love this story. :D
  24. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    OMG! [face_shocked] I forgot to post my thank you's!! Bad me! Bad, bad naughty me!! I deserve a spanking!! ;) Um, hehe sorry about that. Anywho, here goes.

    Flash - Thank you so much for all the up's!! :D And I hope you liked my serenade. ;)

    Estel - Don't lurk too much. I would like to know what you think. ;) But glad you're enjoying none the less. :)

    Shan - :D Thanks!!

    Snowbee-wan - Thank you very much! :)

    Saber - ROFLMAO [face_laugh] :_| **wipes tears away** We have only recently heard that saying but I have to say, it was hysterical to see someone else actually use it. Cracked me up. :D I have lots in store for our frineds and you'll just have to be patient to find out what happens. So there. :p

    Jedi_Borme - You talked me into it. I'm already wroking on the next chap and hope to have that up soon too. ;)

  25. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Jedi_Suzuran - Congrats. ;) Thank you, Thank you. :D That portion came so easily it was almost disgusting after struggling so much with the last one. *sigh* But I'm really glad you like it. :)

    Cas - Honestly, I have to say, I think I liked a number of lines out of this post. Much of Qui's internal struggle and Tuuvu's conversation with Kuuur have some sections that I really like. But I think Qui has always had a conflict with his inner heart. Xanatos seemed to have torn away so much of what he was capable of giving that it cost him the one person who had any chance of healing it. Let's just see if there will be a chance to mend old wounds in the end, for both of them. ;)

    Sugar_Bear - Thank you so much for the wonderful feedback. I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me your thoughts. Personally, I think we all have those battles sometimes and on rare occasions we tell ourselves the blunt truth. Right now, I think his biggest problem is conquering his own feelings before rushing in to win Obi back, but for some reason I think Master Clunkhead might not realize that fast enough. Thanks, I really wanted to show that despite everything that has happened in Obi's life that there is someone out there who truel cares for him. And Tuuvu has been there since the beginning, eventhough they were not in the same roles. I'll explain more of that time later on, but I don't know when that will happen exactly. But we'll also have to wait and see what happens when Qui and Tuuvu meet up and have to face the other. As for Siri, I remember in the JA books she was quick to judge and condem. Since this is a variation of that, I just felt she had not fully learned to overcome that fault. It took a number of books to get her to realize Obi wasn't that bad. And I wanted to bring some of that aspect of their relationship to this. Hope you don't mind. :D *phew* Didn't mean to write too much. But I reallt enjoy reading and responding to people's thoughts :)

    PadawanKitara - Thank you!! :D I liked that part too. And it was so easy to write! Don't ask me why, but it was.

    Ewanfan51 - I hope nothing bad happens to Tuuvu either, I like him. Let's just hope this Muse keeps him around. NO, I think Obi would have a real hard time if something happened to Tuuvu because of the Jedi. And Qui-Gon has so much work to do, I'm not even sure he realizes what he's getting himself into. ;) Thank you!!

    Sheila - Thank You!! :D I'm so glad everyone liked the Inner Conflict! I liked it too, but was afraid I was going to confuse people. And as for Adi, she is a Council member and you're right she has a different perspective to the whole situation which I wanted to show. I think it will be a major obstical to overcome once everyone really has the chance to meet and 'talk' things over. Always in motion, the future is and that will be no exception here. Thanks. :)

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