Forsaken and Begotten[JA/AU] ~*~ Question for my Readers 10-22-03 Please respond. thnx ~*~

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by Arldetta, Nov 5, 2002.

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  1. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    :D Very good and very interesting, as usual - but to leave it there! 8-} Torture . . . you're not an Obi-torturer, you're a reader torturer. ;)
  2. Padawan_Travina Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2002
    star 4
    Wow Arldetta...

    That was a very heart pulling post...Wonderful job.

    Loved how you brought out all of Obi-Wan's pain and hurt that he was holding in to the surface..

    But I wonder...Who was the hand at the end?

    Please dont leave us hanging for long...Cant wait to read more..

    PT
  3. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    Nice angsty post! You captured Obi-Wan's feelings well.

    Wonderfully done, Arldetta! :D
  4. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    That was heartbreaking Arldetta . You did a wonderful job portraying Obi-Wan's desparation and turmoil, I could feel his desolation. I look forward to more, your posts are always very satisfying. :)
  5. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Desolation, depression and confusion. All very well portrasyed in that post.
  6. Flashbacca Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2002
    star 4
    :D Nice Post Arldetta

    Of Course we're all still interested.

    Wonderful descriptive emotional turmoil!

    MORE!! MORE!! MORE!!

    :D TW
  7. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    When I read that last line, I thought immediately that it -must- be Qui-Gon, and I was just hoping that he wasn't so insensitive as to tell Obi-Wan to go back to his room. But I think it would be better if it were Bant. She was always a good friend to Obi-Wan; gentle and understanding. You caught Siri's character spot-on, in my opinion. She was always so sure she was right that she was arrogant about it.

    This was very powerful! Poor Obi-Wan. I went back to re-read some of the first sections, and he seemed so happy, so at home with Tuuvu. Now he's completely the opposite, dealing with rejection and other feelings that have built-up over so many years.

    I don't think I like Drrov. *growls low in throat*

    I hope you can find a way to write your stories and still feel comfortable about remaining on this board.
  8. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    No time for individual responses I'm afraid, but I did want to thank everyone for the fabulous feedback. I'm SOOOOOO addicted to the stuff. ;) :p

    Anyway, any ups would be greatly appreciated. :D


    And I just wanted to tell Jane Jinn that the debate is all settled. I was able to help set the threshhold for 'torture' fics and we now know the boundaries for sexual depictions as well. And I am both happy and content with the results. Thus, I think I'll be sticking around for a long, long time. :D :D :D :D
  9. PaddyJuan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 15, 2002
    star 4
  10. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    Poor Obi-Wan he is haveing such a hard time. The poor boy needs Tuuzu. Can't wait to read more Arldetta
  11. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Well, I'm doing it again. Shameless UP.


    But really it's not all that bad. I'm hoping to finish up the next chap today and get it looked over, so hopefully a post within the next 48hrs. ;)
  12. snowbee-wan kenobi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2000
    star 4
  13. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    Sugar Bear - Thank you! [face_blush] I am glad you could 'feel his pain.' I think it will take a long time before Qui and Obi can meet on common ground. Wow, thank you very much. :D I really wanted to bring Siri's character from the books into this 'timeline.' She had a rough time dealing with him after the whole Melida/Daan incident, but I feel if she asked about what happened she might have understood his reasoning a bit better. As such, I figured she would jump to comclusions here too. But if she got a hint of what happened maybe should would change her opinion. Let's hope that happens. ;)

    Jedi Suzuran - Thank you! :D That was the scene that made me write this story. When I read the PB on Shan's thread, that scene popped into my head, so I'm glad I finally got to it. ;)

    obaona - Ahhh, yes, I have come to enjoy all forms of torture. And reader torture can be just as good as Obi-Torture. [face_devil]

    PT - Thanks. ;) And you shall see. [face_devil] Hope you like it. :)

    Cas - Thank you, thank you. I love that scene. :D

    Sheila - Thanks. [face_blush] I'm glad I am able to satisfy my readers. When they are satisfied I'm filled with contentment. :D

    PadawanKitara - Thanks. I really appreciate it!! :)

    Flash - Sorry, it was a bad day for me. (It's annoying, I'm having more bad days now than I used to. :mad: *sigh* oh, well.) But thank you very much!! :D

    Jane Jinn - You'll see. ;) I think you will like what I have, with a twist too. [face_devil] And I'm so excited that you thought I got Siri's char. I wanted to be true what was pre-established, even if we are in an AU. :D I never really thought about it that way. I guess, when you are looking from the inside, you can't see the changes in 'yourself' but others can find it easily. It gave me something to think about. Thanks. Um, I don't think you would like Drrov. I'll give you more details on all that later. I still have other plans to work through first. [face_devil] Read my other reply. I will be around for a while yet.

    PaddyJuan - Thanks. :)

    Jedi Borme - It's not over yet! [face_devil]

    snowbee-wan - Thanks. :)


    Well, folks, here is the next post. I was told at the other site this was 'The Greand Central Station of Angst.' I was quite flattered. [face_blush] I hope you all enjoy it.

    ---------------------------------------------

    Chapter 6: Conviction of Melancholy

    ?It?s funny that way,
    You can get used to the tears and the pain.
    What a child will believe,
    You never loved me.

    You can?t hurt me now.
    I got a way from you, I never thought I would
    You can?t make me cry.
    You once had the power, I never felt so good about myself.?
    ? Oh, Father (Madonna ? Like a Prayer)


    Slowly, Obi-Wan turned to see who had found him. To his own astonished amazement, he immediately threw his arms around the figure and buried his face in their shoulder. Rekindled tears soaked the cloth, but to his delight, arms came to return the embrace. Together the two hugged each other, tightening and relaxing to reassure the other without words. Their embrace held for what could have been hours to them. It was only when he registered softly spoken words that he withdrew again.

    ?I?ve missed you so much,? the Padawan admitted. She felt Obi-Wan stiffen when she spoke and the abrupt detachment. Her heart ached when she saw the emptiness that remained in the blue-green gaze of a tormented soul. In that moment she wondered if her coming was the right thing to do.

    But the need to do so, was so hard to ignore. When Siri had come to inform them he was awake, they were already aware of his flight. The turmoil he experienced was overpowering to all Force-sensitives. He apparently was not conscious of the fact his emotions were being broadcast through the Force. At first, the group had tried to ignore it, but soon found it was impossible. The deeply rooted pain that lived within Obi-Wan began to affect the young initiates, causing some to cry their
  14. Jane Jinn Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2000
    star 5
    Wow, that was a roller coaster of emotions. First a sweet section with Obi-Wan crying on Bant's shoulder, then angst with her glimpsing his scars, and then the attack. Wow.

    I really liked the paragraph about how Yoda had reacted to the loss of Obi-Wan.

    And when Bant was suddenly grabbed by the shoulders and pulled away, for one single moment, I thought it was Qui-Gon. (Not that I think he's the bad guy in this story or anything ... ;) ) But of course the crewmen would want revenge, and it's even understandable when Obi-Wan thinks he deserves it.

    Very nice!

    I'm glad you're staying! :) Can't wait to see your 'other plans' and 'more details'.
  15. Sugar_Bear Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 14, 2001
    star 3

    Obi's despair was devastating and just when you thought the anguish could get no worse...it did! Adding the guilt of an accidental death to his burdens of loneliness and worthlessness was exquisitely tormenting.

    The vicious beating inflicted on the young Pirate with the intention of more to come was brutal, but so was Obi's self-recriminating acceptance that he deserves every cruel blow.

    Great post, well written with intense emotions, Arldetta! You're a master at superbly conveying Obi's mental and physical pain and your characterization of sympathetic Bant was wonderful, too!
  16. Padawan_Travina Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2002
    star 4
    Arldetta...

    My dear friend that was a wonderful, yet evil chapter..

    Had me near tears at the start..with the interaction between Obi and Bant..

    And then yelling at the screen when he was attacked by the piraties...

    That was an evil cliffhanger...and you had better update again soon...:)

    PT
  17. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Arldetta!

    I just found this! It's FANTASTIC!!!

    Really really enjoyed it - and enjoyed having a marathon reading session (although I had to be careful and dodge my boss to make sure she didn't see me reading when I was supposed to be working...shh, don't tell). ;)

    Great work, but updates only once a week? Say it ain't so! Oh well - I will wait somewhat patiently, and will look forward to the next post.

    Shaindl
  18. Cascadia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 15, 2002
    star 4
    Obi-Wan's desire to pay for his 'crime' will get him killed by the crewmen. Fortunately, this story's not near to being over, so I'm quite sure Obi won't die just yet - hopefully, not at all.

    This was a very good post. I loved the emotions and the plot development. Please post more when you can. :D
  19. Jedi_Borme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 17, 2000
    star 3
    No you can't end the post there with poor Obi about to be beat to death.
    That was a great post, can't wait for more. :)
  20. Flashbacca Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 11, 2002
    star 4
    :eek: TOTALLY SPEECHLESS!!!

    OMG Arldetta you NAILED that one!

    Great chapter - the emotional ride was incredible. The pain that the older Obi must endure from his childhood, the anguish that he must hold for the lives that he had taken.... WoW!

    More Please

    :D The Wookiee
  21. Jedi_Suzuran Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2002
    star 5
    Oh wow, I can't really be coherent right now, but I'll just repeat what everyone else says. :D

    Great post.
  22. Sheila Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 6, 2002
    star 4
    Wow! There was so much information and emotion in that post. It was nice that he and Bant reconnected. The evidence of his brutal treatment as well as his revelation that it was okay because he wasn't feeling anything at the time was heartbreaking. :_|

    Worse was the information that Obi-Wan had indeed killed a crewman during a raid. Even though it was unintentional, it is evidence that he has been a part of crimanal activity that has led to violence. I think his road back to the Jedi is not going to be an easy one. With that said, I certainly hope one of the Jedi Masters shows up soon to stop the beating he is taking. :eek:

    I loved the post and can't wait for more. This story is one of my favorites. :D
  23. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    My heart is in my throat right now- I don't know what to say...
  24. forever_jedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 5, 2002
    star 5
    Hi Arldetta I found and read this at one sitting today. This is incredibly good! The emotional roller coasters that everyone is going through are so real. There is so much real anger, guilt, hurt, hopelessness, regret for lost chances and hope for second chances, all happening at once! I don't see any easy ways out. Your style is extraordinary and so very true - it draws the reader right to the center of the character's psyche!

    Please keep the posts coming!
  25. Arldetta Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 19, 2002
    star 4
    I just wanted to let you all know, I might not get that post up before christmas. And I'm not sure when I might get around to it. I'm not having a good time right now. I keep falling into these abyss' which I'm finding harder and harder to get myself out of. I'm almost to a point where I never thought I would get. And usualy, my down times don't last longer than 1/2 hour to 2 hours. But this one has lasted over night and into this morning.

    On top of everything else work has become rather hectic and really frustrating. And I've just gotten too tired to keep up.

    For those of you who have wondered how I got into Obi's head so well, it's nothing remarkable really. It's never hard to describe the feelings that you have. For all of you out there that have friends, cherish them. You don't know how important they are. It's never good to feel "Alone."

    Thanks for reading, and up if you want to, I'll undertand if you don't. Thank you.
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