Saga Fortune's Gate ... Brand new chapter posted 2/19/13!!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by geo3, Jan 6, 2009.

Moderators: Briannakin, mavjade
  1. dietcokeani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2005
    star 1
    Very interesting post. I love how the story is building up and then outwards.

    Who is Remy? Why is he so devoted to both the boys? He sounds interesting.....

    The political guy sounds so....political. It's just slimy to me....greasy.

    I always love to hear the background thinking of characters...it makes them so real to me and full of life.

    Happy Valentines Day!@};-
  2. DarthBreezy Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2002
    star 6

    [bugs Bunny voice]He don't know me very well, doooo he?[/bugs Bunny voice]



    Boy's damn lucky....

    'Shineys'?


    More so than he knows....


    Dorn looked morosely into the unappealing mug of the ?mudbeer? that seemed to be the main alcoholic drink around these parts. Awful stuff. He took another long swig and nearly gagged, but the resulting heat in his veins was welcome. He needed to mellow out. It had been a rotten day all around.


    [/quote]

    Awwwwwwwww! Poor baby!



    ?Any chance I can buy you gentlemen a round?? he asked genially. ?Stranger though I am, I hate to drink alone.?

    ?Sure,? somebody said. ?Why not??

    All together four rough-looking men were huddled together at the end of the bar. At the offer of a free round, a fifth quickly sidled up from somewhere behind them, trying to look as if he?d been there all along. Dorn pretended he hadn?t noticed and paid for five drinks.
    [/quote]

    Smart man after all!

    Or maybe Not...

    You know, I think Mr. Dorn had better start watching his rear... playing a little too close to fire here...
  3. NYCitygurl NSWFF Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2002
    star 9
    Wow!! I love that Anakin did . . . something . . . to get Shmi to wake up. And the starship scene was cute, and Remy's sweet - I love how he looks after Anakin :)

    This Dorn character is really interesting. I can't wait to see what Dooku thinks of his message :D

    Awesome chapters!!
  4. geo3 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2002
    star 4
    Thanks to everyone for your comments!

    A very special thanks, now and always, to my brilliant betareader, JediMasterRev. It?s a rare treat to be able to send your beta a draft containing language like {holding some part of a starship that he was able to fix - I have no clue here!}, and get it back with a sentence that reads, ?The retro thruster braking system was a little rough, though ... I tuned up the throttle assembly for you. It needed a new motivator.?

    :D [:D] [face_love]

    Rev, you rock!

    GeneralKenobi7 Awesome story! Really I'm hooked
    It's quite mysterious, what is the Jedi's role in this Au?
    Could you please PM me when you update?


    Hey! Welcome! I?m glad you?re reading!

    All of your questions (and more, I hope) will be answered... eventually :p.

    I?m happy to put you on the PM list.

    MoAngel Anakin seems to have developed an almost cult like following, with many sworn to his cause and protection. Very interested on just how far this will go...I'm assuming at some point the Jedi will find him interesting as well? Love this!

    Yes, he most certainly has developed a cult following... and a lot of people depend on him. As for the Jedi... we will begin to see shortly... ;)
    I?m so glad you?re enjoying!

    amidalachick I love how Anakin returned the ship.

    Heh Heh ;)

    Beautiful description! Great post once again.

    Thanks so much!

    Ocelot_Nesto Great twist... the political machinings and the turning the technology into a legitimate business was excellent. I will bet the technology could be used to turn wastewater let alone evaporative water into pure water is very marketable... something the trade federation would gladly protect and distribute.

    Absolutely. And it definitely seemed to me like something that Anakin would have done, had he remained stuck on Tatooine...

    dietcokeani Very interesting post. I love how the story is building up and then outwards.

    Thanks! Slow, but steady...

    Who is Remy? Why is he so devoted to both the boys? He sounds interesting.....

    We?ll see a bit more of Remy by and by.

    The political guy sounds so....political. It's just slimy to me....greasy.

    Yeah. Very one-sided, so far.

    I always love to hear the background thinking of characters...it makes them so real to me and full of life.

    Oh, good! Sometimes one worries that it slows the story down...

    Happy Valentines Day!

    And you!

    DarthBreezy

    [bugs Bunny voice] He don't know me very well, doooo he?[/bugs Bunny voice]

    Haha! No, he certainly doesn?t.

    Boy's damn lucky....

    Yeah, well. Our boy?s being awfully contained so far, though... Don't you think?

    Heh, heh. ?So far...?

    'Shineys'?

    Yeah. Shineys.

    More so than he knows....

    So true!

    Awwwwwwwww! Poor baby!

    :D

    Smart man after all!... Or maybe Not...

    ;)

    You know, I think Mr. Dorn had better start watching his rear... playing a little too close to fire here...

    ?Live and learn...? that?s what they say, right?

    NYCityGurl Awesome chapters!!

    Thanks so much!!! I?m really glad that you?re enjoying.

    ~

    Since I?m on a pretty good schedule so far, the new post will be up on Wednesday as usual. It?s going to be a bit of ?meanwhile, back on Coruscant...? with some familiar faces...

    See you then!

  5. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    If it takes audacity to ?borrow? someone else?s starship at night during a sandstorm, it takes twice as much to return it in broad daylight to a public docking bay in a busy town.

    Ok, you know how much I just LOVE this whole scene. Can you imagine how COOL it would be if it were FILMED ...!!!!


    I love Remy, too, he's awesome!!!

    By the time he had stumbled back out of the hangar into the harsh morning light, an armored transport was waiting outside, its engines rumbling. Remy climbed out.
    Anakin managed a faint grin. ?Isn?t that overkill for one person??

    ?Not if I can?t come with you,? Remy said. ?Get in. And take the long way. Keep away from the ridges. There?s a blaster under the seat.?


    Yeah!!

    *****

    This gets me, first time, every time:

    It felt good to speed off into the wastes by himself. The barren landscape, empty and beautiful, allowed the incessant pounding of his thoughts to dissolve into something quieter; a boundless moment of mere being. It was a feeling he often sought, but rarely achieved: ? open ? calm ? centered.

    You know your Anakin.



    This is so touching, and sad, too.

    Time seemed to fold into itself, and before he knew it, the farm?s domes appeared in the distance and he was home ? or what passed for it. Given Cliegg?s endless disapproval of him, despite the relative prosperity and comfort Anakin?s activities had finally brought to the family, it was really only Shmi who kept him coming back.

    Mom. Long before he brought the heavy transporter to sand-spewing halt by the main dome, Anakin was already with her in his thoughts. Somewhere deep down inside he felt her faint, warm embrace in return.
    :_|

    *****

    Even though Dorn Wieeder is a schlub, you write him so WELL! And use his musings to set us up with important information for what is to come. Amazing work to work that into a characterization set. Ah the craft!!

    My favorite sentence of the whole piece:

    The mud beer quickly did its work, and soon Dorn found himself saying, with little caution and less strategy, ?So, my new friends, what can you tell me about this Anakin Skywalker fellow??
    [face_laugh] [face_laugh] [face_laugh]
  6. Yenneffer Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Sep 6, 2008
    I love the humor in it :) Makes everything lighter. And your OCs? They're adorable (Remy with his concern for Anakin), funny (both Thirlain- for his attitude and inner musings, and Remy- fe the transport. Overkill? Seriously, I see no overkill, no, none at all :p )

    Still waiting to see what the rest of the Galaxy is doing (I know, I know- Palpatine&Co is busy taking over, Jedi meditate, eat joghurt and fight the war, but still, it'd be nice to know more)

    *greedy yen mode: on*
    MORE! (whatever you give us- Anakin, Seps, Jedi, almighty Jedi Council, even more almighty Sith Lords- whatever will be fine)
    Please?
    *mode: off*
  7. geo3 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2002
    star 4
    If you have sharp eyes you may have noticed that I?ve changed the story?s title bar to reflect the entrance of two more main characters along with Anakin and Dooku. ?Cause, you know, when these folks show up in one of my stories, they tend to stay and to stir things up ... ;)

    First, some more replies:

    ratna Ok, you know how much I just LOVE this whole scene. Can you imagine how COOL it would be if it were FILMED ...!!!!

    Oh, yeah. I think all of us write fanfic out of some kind of inner cinematography. Seeing it up on a screen somewhere would be awesome ? but probably unnerving, too! But awesome.

    I love Remy, too, he's awesome!!!

    :D

    This gets me, first time, every time: ... It felt good to speed off into the wastes by himself... You know your Anakin.

    [face_blush] After about half a million words of fanfic, I guess my ideas about him are pretty set... [face_blush]

    This is so touching, and sad, too...

    I really enjoy writing about Shmi and her relationship with Anakin. Strangely, I haven?t given myself much opportunity to do so.

    Even though Dorn Wieeder is a schlub, you write him so WELL! And use his musings to set us up with important information for what is to come. Amazing work to work that into a characterization set. Ah the craft!!

    [face_laugh] I?m kind of fond of the schlub, too, annoying though he can be.

    My favorite sentence of the whole piece ...

    You know, I am so grateful that you?ve taken the time to let me know what you like. It?s not only personally rewarding, but it helps. Always in motion, the story is...;)

    Yenneffer I love the humor in it Makes everything lighter. And your OCs? They're adorable (Remy with his concern for Anakin), funny (both Thirlain- for his attitude and inner musings, and Remy- fe the transport. Overkill? Seriously, I see no overkill, no, none at all )

    Yay! * jumps up and down *

    Still waiting to see what the rest of the Galaxy is doing (I know, I know- Palpatine&Co is busy taking over, Jedi meditate, eat joghurt and fight the war, but still, it'd be nice to know more) ... MORE! (whatever you give us- Anakin, Seps, Jedi, almighty Jedi Council, even more almighty Sith Lords- whatever will be fine)

    [face_laugh] Wait no longer. The new post is up below!




    Chapter 4. Old Friends


    Far away from the local concerns of the desert planet Tatooine, a Galactic Senator with the weight of worlds on her shoulders and a death threat hanging over her head had just about reached the limits of her patience.

    After a violent attempt on her life that had resulted in the deaths of several loyal friends and staff, among them her beloved Handmaiden Corde, Padmé Naberrie, aka Amidala of Naboo, had sought the aid of the Supreme Chancellor himself in finding the culprit. Accompanied by members of the Loyalist Committee, she had arrived at the meeting expecting the Chancellor?s full support for her request for an investigation into the attack. Instead, his response had been to wrap her up in a cocoon of protection and to restrict her movements until the danger had passed. And he had an office full of yea-saying Jedi willing to support his plan.

    ?Senator Amidala, in grave danger, are you. ?

    Amidala looked down into the ancient green Jedi?s eyes and fumed silently. She didn?t want Jedi protection. She wanted Corde?s killer caught and punished. She wanted to know who wanted her dead.

    It didn?t escape Padmé?s notice that the Supreme Chancellor spent most of the meeting looking out the window, avoiding her arguments, and letting the Jedi do all the talking. When Bail Organa stepped up to protest on her behalf, he too was brushed aside.

    Suddenly, the Supreme Chancellor turned away from the window and threw his full weight behind the plan to protect her. ?Do it for me, My Lady??

    Padmé choked down bile. Together, Palpatine and the Jedi presented a seamless front. Padmé?s instincts told her that something else had been under discussion before the Loyalist Committee had been
  8. GeneralKenobi7 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2009
    star 4
    First reply![face_dancing] [face_dancing]
    Um, I guess you leave us clueless readers in the dark on purpose...
    Why doesn't Padme like the Jedi? Why was Anakin not with Obi-Wan when he was trained? And why... Oh here I go again:p I forgot: all my question will be answered...eventually:rolleyes:
    Continue soon!
  9. Ocelotl_Nesto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 29, 2004
    star 4
    Nice allusions that the council forbid the training and that Obi had problems with it... we will see what
    Padme says about that...
  10. Yenneffer Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Sep 6, 2008
    You know, I already miss my beloved Anakin... [face_hypnotized]
    Good to see that Padme's spirit is high. And at least Anakin won't be lonely in his dislike to Jedi [face_mischief] Wait! I know! They should form an alliance within the Senate that's prime purpose is to illegalise the Order... I think Darth Sidious could be their field agent, too O:)

    Well, poor Obi-wan will have to suffer with a displeased politician *dances wildly* Might get interesting! Come on, you know how he loves them! Surely you want to make the man all happy [face_devil]

    And... Oh! I think Padme might try to find out on her own what's happening, to not let the Jedi help too much... Someone should definitely watch her back.
    I just wonder... Why Palpatine is insisting on Obi-wan? He had an ultimate motive (get a certain Jedi Padawan and Senator together) in the canon. Hm. I better watch out for this Sith Lord's plans!

    I wonder if she's only so bitter because she's still shaken after the catastrophe on the landing pod and Corde's death, or if she actually dislikes Jedi per se- and, in fact, if she has a good reason for that?

    After that one line, I can tell you that you have mastered portraying Mace Windu [face_laugh] He does love his tone!

    All right then. I think that padme is usually self- efficient to the extent that she preferes to take action herself, and is ready to take the consequences. But she doesn't seem to be ready to accept help- hm, she seems to like to have utter control of her life, and maybe even feels lost and out of her element, when somebody is trying to do something that she thinks she can do on her own?
    Of course it's hard to tell by the one chapter, it's just a general impression I get.



    A fighter through and through.

    And a devil in mind! Yes, definitely might get intresting! I've got a vision of her trying to sneak out when Obi-wan's standing guard at her door, like a curious and unruly Padawan...
    *giggles*

  11. dietcokeani Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2005
    star 1
    [face_laugh] Yoda hanging his head out the window like a big happy dog? ROTFLMAO!!!! I love your humor.

    But seriously, that scene addresses a HUGE problem with the Jedi...if more of them did things like that, perhaps they wouldn't have imploded on themselves. I always saw that flaw from the begining with the Jedi..their lack of humor lead to the lack of joy in their world, which can never come to good. Fearing negative emotions led them to the false belief that they could control them through abject avoidance instead of exposure, understanding, and the mastery of choice.

    Near the end of the post, we see Obi-Wan still suffering 10 years later from a wound to his soul, and in the end the obedience of "The Jedi Way" moves him to act in machine-like precision toward the Council's goal. Sounds Dark Side-ish to me, but I'm a Social Worker, so I'm always looking at the psych angle of stuff. Which brings me to my next thought.....

    Another part of the story that your post surfaces that was always squicky to me: Padme and "the little boy". I realize that they do the time warp in the movie of him turning into a stud and she is a younger looking woman who was Naboo's youngest Queen (rrrriiiiiiight), but that all smacked of stupid to me at best and criminal at worst. Knowing someone as a little boy and then getting the hots for him 10 years later is one thing; going for it is another. Is there a Galactic Age of Consent?? EEEEKs

    I'm very interested in how this plays out. Great chapter!
  12. baru-chan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 4, 2003
    Aaaaaaaaaand, here's Obi! [face_mischief]

    I love the little bits and pieces of the changes you've made scattered around the chapter. I really really love the way the story is unfolding!

    These are the questions I had once I finished reading the chapter. You don't really have to address them right away, though, part of the fun in reading this piece is the gradual widening of the AU concepts:
  13. Why does Padme have a grudge against the Jedi?

  14. How is she going to react once Obi shows up with no Ani? Will Jar-Jar be there? (Gods, I hope not.)

  15. Will there be Obi/Ani reunions?

  16. How on earth are they going to find out about the Clone Army when Obi has an obligation to guard Padme?
  17. I'm looking forward to read the next installment! :D
  18. GunraysLawyer Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2003
    star 4
    Now this post is a prime example of why I love your work.

    Here is a different Padme than we have ever seen from you in all of the tens of thousands of words that you have written in fanfic (and I have read, I think, all of them). It goes along with your very different Anakin.

    Of course, I have always had a soft spot for new interpretations of characters...

    On an in-story level, this angry, slightly egomaniacal Padme who forgets Obi-Wan is still frighteningly naive...Has she heard about current events on a world relatively close to Naboo or has she simply chosen to ignore events outside her control? I will be very interestedto see how this all develops particularly as it seems that Anakin may end up her political enemy, even if only as poster child for Jedi foolishness and Republic arrogance.

    Finally, I must ask a question that I still don't understand why no one asks: What are the self-interested, arrogant Jedi so afraid of at this point?
  19. canadianjedimama Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2008
    star 4
    Wow... everyone is so different, yet the same. [face_hypnotized] This has got me hooked...Can't wait for more! =D=

    I wonder what Obi Wan has to learn. Also what he may have to teach... [face_thinking]

    Please put me on your PM list!

    CJM
  20. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    *raises hand* yes, ma'am, i would like to speak up on behalf of the love story.

    regarding age of consent ... both Anakin and Padme were children when they first met ...

    It was many and many a year ago,
    In a Queendom by the sea,
    That a maiden there lived whom you may know
    By the name of Amidala;
    And this maiden she lived with no other thought
    Than to love and be loved by me.

    I was a child and she was a child,
    In this Galaxy of stars;
    But we loved with a love that was more than love -
    I and my Amidala;
    With a love that the winged seraphs of heaven
    Coveted her and me.

    ... ...

    Yes, the angels, not half so happy in heaven,
    Went envying her and me

    ... ...

    But our love was stronger by far than the love
    Of those who were older than we
    Of many far wiser than we
    And neither the angels in heaven above,
    Nor the demons down under the sea,
    Can ever dissever my soul from the soul
    Of the beautiful Amidala.

    For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
    Of the beautiful Amidala;
    And the stars never rise but I feel the bright eyes
    Of the beautiful Amidala;

    And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side
    Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride,
    In this sepulcher suit of black,
    In my tomb of the sounding sea.

    With profuse apologies to Edgar A. !
  21. amidalachick Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 3, 2003
    star 5
    While I'm saddened that we've left the beautiful desert vistas of Tatooine behind for now, I thoroughly enjoyed this post anyway.

    You write an amazing Padmé. Her dislike of the Jedi is interesting - I especially liked her musing on how the Jedi 'helped' her during the Naboo crisis and how they're 'helping' her now without giving her a choice in the matter.

    Kenobi? Padmé searched back in her memory, nearly ten years back, to a time and a place when her world had been both simpler and harder ? simpler, because she had been young and inexperienced, and harder because the grave challenges she had faced on behalf of Naboo had been her first.

    *

    Padmé sighed inwardly. She was older this time. Wiser. Her world was more complex, and yet in many ways, because of her years of experience, simpler. She was not ready to submit. She would not submit.


    I love the way these lines parallel each other, and say so much.

    Yoda sticking his head out the window like a dog! That's just all kinds of awesome! :D Very interesting conversation between him and Mace, and I really liked this line: Mace wondered whether he shouldn?t try it too, one day. It would be nice to feel that way, if only for a moment.

    And another very interesting (ahh, I'm using that word too much today!) section with Obi-Wan.

    Fabulous update! =D= Thanks for the PMs!
  22. DarthBreezy Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jun 4, 2002
    star 6

    While as ever, I thought this was an amazing chapter (Obi, Padme bail et all) and everyone is wonderfully portrayed (and I say this with more than a hint of envy) I want to pick with this passage.



    THIS is Yoda... the Jedi Master. This is the Yoda from Empire, and Clones... the Jedi master who understood that there is so much more to 'being' than just giving lessons -

    *sigh*

    Completely true to the character, voice, heart and (most importantly) soul.
  23. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    Yup, yup, yup!


    To Gunray'sLawyer: One can of worms, coming up ... [face_blush]

    Padme, naive ...? Hmmm. Not so naive that she doesn't see the outrageous flattery and manipulation being done by Palpatine to get her under Jedi protection. Not so naive that she doesn't realize that this protection will accomplish the same goal as the attempted assassination would have (but with much better press) -- keep her out of commission for the upcoming legislation. Not so naive that she doesn't at least sense larger forces at work, even though she can't yet put her finger on what/who they are.

    I would certainly concede that she is at the same time also a very human person caught in the focus of the moment. People near and dear to her have just been killed in a rather horrific way, and it's because she was a target. It may not be very far seeing to want to get to the bottom of that one incident, especially her thread of desire for vengeance on the culprits, but I interpret also that she is intuiting that at the bottom of the plot to kill her are culprits who have the galaxy at large in their sights ... so ...

    ... not too shabby for openers.

    And if she seems to ignorant of Tatooine, well, even DOOKU is ignorant of Tatooine ..... so far. Surely, counselor, you wouldn't accuse the Count of naivete...?

    Jedi self-serving and arrogant .... has our author depicted them so?

    Hanging out of an air speeder to catch the wind ....?
    Tormented by conflicts of devotion and duty, yet stoically serving the needs of others nonetheless?
    Deeply troubled by a vague menace felt in the Force but with its outlines and origins as yet unknown ....?
    Proceeding with the best caution and resource allocation one can muster, even while profoundly aware that it may still all come crashing down ...?

    I think that to those who live on the plains, the vantage point of the mountains may seem arrogant. But unless one has undertaken and persevered in the practice which IS the mountain that one climbs, one can hardly appreciate what a person must give in order to see the vistas beyond, much less appreciate or imagine what those vistas are. To me, the Jedi are not "Force users". They are beings who, perhaps because of their sensitivity in the Force, have some visceral connection to the whole that is all living things, and that transcends any individual or group agenda, to encompass the evolution of life itself. To be a Jedi in this context is to commit oneself to seeking and serving the Good in that evolution. To do so with integrity one must relinquish the self and its concerns. It is an ongoing process, a mountain of practice, and, with bow to our dear author, a zig-zag path. For how easy it is to project one's own will and call it the will of the Force, project one's own definition of good and call it the Good. So the Jedi's quest is to be attentive. So far, I don't see our author presenting the Jedi as inattentive to the Force. I actually don't even see them portrayed here as inattentive to the needs and wishes of individual beings. Yoda and Mace know very well how much Obi-Wan is hurting. I think they are also completely aware of Padme's irritation. But they cannot bend to these concerns when greater game is afoot. Not arrogant ... jus
  24. geo3 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2002
    star 4
    Wow, lots of terrific replies! Thank you! I hope I can do them all justice.

    GeneralKenobi7 Um, I guess you leave us clueless readers in the dark on purpose...

    Er... I do tend to do that :p ... but not for long, I promise ;)

    Why doesn't Padmé like the Jedi? Why was Anakin not with Obi-Wan when he was trained? And why... Oh here I go again I forgot: all my question will be answered...eventually

    Continue soon!


    :D

    Ocelotl_Nesto Nice allusions that the council forbid the training and that Obi had problems with it... we will see what Padmé says about that...

    Yes, we will!

    Yenneffer Wow! You?ve left me a dissertation! [:D]

    You know, I already miss my beloved Anakin...

    Not to worry. He?s never far.

    Good to see that Padmé?s spirit is high. And at least Anakin won't be lonely in his dislike to Jedi. Wait! I know! They should form an alliance within the Senate that's prime purpose is to illegalise the Order... I think Darth Sidious could be their field agent, too

    [face_laugh] There's an idea!

    Well, poor Obi-wan will have to suffer with a displeased politician *dances wildly* Might get interesting! Come on, you know how he loves them! Surely you want to make the man all happy

    Poor Obi-Wan does tend to suffer, doesn?t he?

    And... Oh! I think Padmé might try to find out on her own what's happening, to not let the Jedi help too much... Someone should definitely watch her back.

    [face_whistling] ;)

    I just wonder... Why Palpatine is insisting on Obi-wan? He had an ultimate motive (get a certain Jedi Padawan and Senator together) in the canon. Hm. I better watch out for this Sith Lord's plans!

    This one I can answer... I basically took the scenario straight from ?Clones? (minus Anakin, of course) and let it play out from there ... that?s why Mace is saying, ?there IS no one else...?

    I wonder if she's only so bitter because she's still shaken after the catastrophe on the landing pod and Corde's death, or if she actually dislikes Jedi per se- and, in fact, if she has a good reason for that?

    She IS pretty shaken up. And just as in the film, she wants answers.

    After that one line, I can tell you that you have mastered portraying Mace Windu He does love his tone!

    Thanks!

    All right then. I think that Padmé is usually self- efficient to the extent that she prefers to take action herself, and is ready to take the consequences. But she doesn't seem to be ready to accept help- hm, she seems to like to have utter control of her life, and maybe even feels lost and out of her element, when somebody is trying to do something that she thinks she can do on her own?

    Umm... maybe it depends who offers help? And what kind of help?

    Of course it's hard to tell by the one chapter, it's just a general impression I get.

    An observant reader, you are! ;)

    A fighter through and through...And a devil in mind! Yes, definitely might get intresting! I've got a vision of her trying to sneak out when Obi-wan's standing guard at her door, like a curious and unruly Padawan...*giggles*

    I wouldn?t put it past her!

    I think a couple of my brain's cells might have suffered from the shock. She thinks Anakin's training to be a Jedi? I so don't envy Obi-wan the... ee chance to explain to her that it's not the case!

    She absolutely thinks Anakin is training as a Jedi. She doesn?t know any more about him than she did in ?Clones?....

    Don't try too hard. He's not a Jedi!

    Heh heh

    Eee... She does think that the Jedi want her out of the way? I really think that you're not telling us something about Padmé?s past with the Jedi. She really, really mistrusts them.

    I don?t think she believes that the Jedi will want her out of the way for any reason other than her safety. She is just noticing that, one way or another, the outcome will be the same...

    Yoda is sure the oldest Youngling in the temple. And, it seems, one of the most mischievous ones! I love
  25. GunraysLawyer Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2003
    star 4
    EEGADS! Subtle criticism of my idee fixe (yes, sadly the appropriate accents are missing) as to Star Wars from my Friend and much respected Beta reader?

    Well, more like poking the lions through the bars of the zoo cage. ;)

    I will respond as to one part in depth, and one far less so...

    Padme...Sorry, but no one can stick anywhere near PT cannon and write her as anything but naive. Though perhaps naive is the wrong word...She thinks that she's a master politician, but she comes across in the scripts, films, novelizations, and thus in almost all PT era fanfic as entirely academic about it. She has the brains, but not the killer instinct of a Machevellian politician or the cold realpolitik sense implied by that idea. Palpatine does have it. Of course, that is Lucas's point to a degree: Cold, calculating realpolitik bad, nearly unvarnished idealism, and one can hardly call Padme's position vis a vis the proposed Republic Military anything else, good.

    Yet, what is so frustrating is that she sort of figures it out...Dooku seems to be behind it all. Now, your Padme at least resents the Sith/Jedi highhandedness toward her. BRAVO, but she seems to draw no lessons form it about the Republic's government.

    As to the Jedi...well, I can't help it, I see them as small minded, arrogant, and to a large degree immoral. Immoral in the sense of having no idea of Truth(deliberate capital) or of the fundamental worth of individuals. Instead, they have a vaguely nihilistic philosophy which boils down individual near meaninglessness. As I said long ago on a different thread, the Jedi are the secondary villans of the Prequels. They prepare the ground so that all of Anakin's bad choices in ROTS look more than a little reasonable to a stressed out, misunderstood and misused young man.

    Of course, your opinion may vary, and I have spent an inordinate amount of time figuring out and writing about nonJedi force wielders....
  26. geo3 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 29, 2002
    star 4
    GrunraysLawyer EGADS! Subtle criticism of my idee fixe (yes, sadly the appropriate accents are missing) as to Star Wars from my Friend and much respected Beta reader?

    Well, more like poking the lions through the bars of the zoo cage.


    Aha! The sleeping bear awakes! All it took was a wee bit of poking!

    I won?t be here Wednesday morning to post, so I?m doing it this evening instead, which in turn means I won?t have time to reply fully to your most interesting growl, but I shall as soon as I?m able.

    To be continued.... :p


    Meanwhile, here is the next installment...



    Chapter 4. Old Friends (Part 2)

    ?Senator Amidala.?

    Padmé stared blankly at the Jedi who bowed graciously to her, not recognizing him at first. Jar-Jar had announced him as...

    He raised his head and there they were, the gray eyes she remembered so well, in a face that was only vaguely familiar. The unassuming young Jedi of long ago had vanished. It wasn?t only the longer hair and the beard that had changed. The man who stood before her had a distinct presence. Without putting himself forward, he somehow filled the room.

    He has grown up, she thought.

    ?It is a great pleasure to see you again, My Lady.?

    ?It has been far too long,? Padmé agreed quickly, surprised at the genuine warmth in his voice, and gestured graciously toward the large sofas in her sitting room.

    Kenobi remained standing. ?I understand that you are concerned about having an extra layer of security, Senator. I assure you that my presence will be invisible.?

    We?ll see about that. Padmé kept trying to move him toward the large sofas, but her omnipresent shadow, savior and the current bane of her existence stepped away from the margin of the room to introduce himself.

    ?I?m Captain Typho of her majesty?s Security force. Queen Jamillia has been informed of your presence.?

    Kenobi looked around at the large room. ?I thought that the Senator would have more attendants. Particularly after the attack.?

    ?I am no longer Queen, Master Kenobi, but a mere Senator. I don?t need...?

    ?She dismissed them,? Typho interrupted tersely. ?She usually has several bodyguards in attendance, but after Corde was killed, she sent them away.

    ?What??

    ?Master Kenobi, I prefer to..."

    ?She doesn?t want anyone else to get hurt on her behalf,? Typho broke in again as if she wasn?t there. Padmé shot a hard glance at her overzealous Security Chief, but he was busy pleading his case to the Jedi. She felt like kicking him.

    ?That is unacceptable. The Senator will need round the clock protection.?

    Typho looked happier than he had in days. ?I?m very glad that you?re here, Master Kenobi. The situation is more dangerous than the Senator will admit.?

    That was enough.

    ?I don?t need more security, I need answers!? Padmé burst out. Both men looked at her as if they had forgotten she was there. ?I want to know who is trying to kill me!?

    ?I am here to protect you, Senator,? Kenobi insisted with intractable patience. ?Not to start an investigation.?

    Behind Kenobi, even Jar-Jar, who previously had shown the good sense to stay out of the ongoing arguments, was grinning and nodding in agreement. Padmé felt surrounded and at the same time, very alone. Her last ray of hope that the Jedi would see his mandate as broader than merely providing security faded away. It seemed there was no one anywhere who would advocate for her.

    ?I have a great deal of work to do in the Senate before the vote,? she said tight-lipped, knowing she had lost this round, but refusing to yield entirely. ?I expect to be allowed to carry on as normal.?

    Typho and Kenobi exchanged glances. Padmé feared the worst, but Kenobi assured her, with a transparent attempt at being soothing, ?I will endeavor to create as little hindrance as possible to your daily routine.?

    ?Very well.? Padmé looked out the vast windows, longing to escape. The late afternoon sky was still pink. There were hours left in the day, but they certainly wouldn?t allow her to go anywhere. In her small domain high in the sky,
  27. Yenneffer Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Sep 6, 2008
    :_|

    Really heartbreaking! You managed very well to create an atmosphere on Coruscant- anger, disbelief, and then fear, havoc, haste... Everything was there! Just delicious :)

    I'm glad Obi-wan is willing to widen his mandate- it proves he's actually a thinking being. I always thought that his arguements to Anakin in AOTC has been rather... odd. As if it was made purely for the sake of disagreeing with his Padawan.

    And the ending? Oh my, what a beautiful description. Was it Anakin chasing after the girl? I think he thought he was dreaming... Awww. So beautiful. I'm really enthralled by this chapter [face_love]

    But, there is one thing we need to clarify- it wasn't Padme, was it? It couldn't be. No. Just... No. She wouldn't jeopardise herself that way, would she?
    *thinks about a rescue attempt at Geonosis*
    [head_desk]

    (Actually, it's very possible it was Sabe herself- after all, she looks like the former Queen. But if the young man running after her was Anakin, then he'd have recognised it was somebody different right away, probably, with his fine attunement to the Force... Hmm)

    *makes Yoda's meditating face* Interesting, that is. :p

    And I wonder what vision did the Council see? If it was sth as vague as Anakin marching through the Temple with his dark look, then they wouldn't have just sent him away, for the Sith picking. Because, frankly, that would have been stupid- sent away a powerful Chosen One, feeling hatred and resentment towards the Jedi. Council should heed their own warnings- that when you try to avoid the realisation of the vision, they may involuntarily make it happen.

    And poor Obi-wan- he was training Anakin already? So they were probably forming a bond. Having to sent away a padawan? It surely was horrible. It'd have been different if they did it before giving Anakin to Obi-wan as Padawan- then Obi-wan would have been only distressed because of not fulfilling his Master's promise. But later?
    It must have left a great hole of guilt- abandoning his charge, responsibility, a child he was beginning to know.

    I might just turn to the Dark Side myself, just to make sure the High Council is slained appropriately.
    Yes, that's a good idea.
  28. baru-chan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 4, 2003
    I love the quiet friendship shared between Padme and Obi-Wan. He seems to be a less sarcastic and more serious person in this iteration of the SW universe.

    The Jedi Council in this universe is cruel. Bringing a boy to Coruscant only to bring him back? The least they could have done was to release his mother from slavery!

    Things are starting to look up. Can't wait to read the next part!
  29. GeneralKenobi7 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 18, 2009
    star 4
    That was really great! You captured their feelings very well=D=
    I think Padme and Obi-Wan fit together quite nicely...
    I hope Anakin meets them both sometime soon, although he would probably be angry at Obi-Wan. At least I would be:_| Why did they have to send him away??? :oops:
  30. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    ahhh so good, so good, so good.

    maybe i should change my icon in honor of obi-wan in this story ...?

    will be back with more after i have a chance to regroup.
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