Beyond Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story A previously unposted outtake up 5/20/11

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I'm putting this before the Author's notes so it's easier for everyone to find.

Prologue/ Love Is Stronger Than Death
Ch 1/ Am I The Same Girl, Yes I Am, Yes I Am
Ch 2/ I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know
Ch 3/ You're My World, You're Every Breath I Take
Ch 4/ The Power Of Goodbye
Ch 5/ If You Could Only See (The Way She Love Me)
Ch 6/ Monsters And Angels
Ch 7/ Karma Police
Ch 8/ It Ain't What You Do (It's The Way That You Do It)
Ch 9/ Have I Found You Flightless Bird
Ch 10/ I Have The Touch
Ch 11/ Breaking The Girl
Ch 12/ (You Know What The Sun's All About) When The Lights Go Out
Ch 13/ Magnet And Steel
Ch 14/ Back To Life, Back To Reality
Ch 15/ I'm Always Touched By Your Presence
Ch 16/ Whole Lotta Love
Ch 17/ Ramble On
Ch 18/ Brothers In Arms
Ch 19/ There's No Other Way
Ch 20/ Harmony
Ch 21/ Reluctantly Crouched At The Starting Line
Ch 22/ Roll Up For The Mystery Tour
Ch 23/ He Knows About Your Party, he Is Calling You Dude
Ch 24/The Right Thing To Do
Ch 25/Tell Me Something Good
Ch 26/First Things First
Ch 27/Life Is A Battlefield
Ch 28/You Are The Sea
Epilogue/Love Is Stronger Than Death






Author?s Note: It has always been difficult for me to reconcile times and dates of specific happenings within the NJO timeline as concrete.

Because the books themselves take place over a four to five year period (depending on how you interpret the years given in the book timeline), because a few of the books have overlapping story lines (Dark Journey and Traitor, for example) and because the editors seem to lack any concern for showing consistency in character ages (or appearances) or the lengths of pregnancies (and I?m not even referring to Tenel Ka?s), it is often hard to gauge the amount of time that takes place between m

A very intriguing start. If you keep a PM list, I'd love to be on it.

I agree with everything she says! Please place me on a PM list if you use one!

Place me on your PM list, you've got me hooked ^.^

-Ava-

Fascinating, Preggers! Can't wait to see what happens next!

That's okay. I can sympathise. All I can say is that this works. And that's not just a pedantic continuity point.

Great title. It makes me think of light, and the things that it can shine through.

All of which tells us exactly where we are - and why, really...

And at once, we're right in there with the character. The paradox is very much Tahiri's sort of thought, but at the same time, it acknowledges that she should, perhaps, be feeling pain, and has, certainly, experienced some things that were probably rather unpleasant...

It's... sadomasochistic, but in a very classy, subtle way. It transcends itself?

Which is fitting, really...

This sets the tone, in more ways than one: the inner monologue echoes Tahiri's tendancy to talk exhaustively, but it's silent, self-contained, with no audience - no Anakin; and, compounding the fact, she's having to do the methodical, practical, mechanical things herself. Implicit pain, implicit loss - unspoken, but shaping every action, every word of the scene, and inmore ways than one...

The phrase Anakin's room is the hinge where the reader's suspicions are confirmed, understanding is made explicit; it's very much an echo of her earlier canon tendancy to define things like Anakin's family; yet, in stepping back to that late-NJO mindset, it's also a regression, a step backwards in time... which will become appropriate, and shows what way her thoughts are turning.

It took me a couple of readthroughs to get the meaning of this, but when I did, I liked it.

So the past can change, if you do it right?

And Jacen... and his pebbles... can be ignored, because there are more important things to fix.

Hey now... Looky what we have here.

This was fantastic... so sad and broken... so Tahiri.

I wonder when she'll realise that when she saves Anakin, she'll save herself too. I'm looking forward to seeing her do it.

Please put me on the PM list!

Cyn

Fragile

Chapter 1
Am I the same girl? Yes, I am, yes, I am?

28 ABY
Eclipse Station


Tahiri opened her eyes and looked around the darkened room, thankful that Anakin had left the low fresher light on so she could see.

Taking a deep breath, she stood onto her knees, and scooted over the few feet toward the bed. Her heart nearly beat out of her chest in joy. There he was, sleeping on his side, the bed sheet knotted in his fist, a lock of dark brown hair hanging over one eye. She resisted the urge to brush that lock of hair away, knew the contact would scare him, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. The next few minutes were going to be hard enough, waking him from a dead sleep and causing him a heart attack would sort of defeat the purpose of all her work.

Sitting back on her heals, she gently reached out with the Force, caressing his mind, the way she used to, guiding him gently to consciousness. After a minute - an eternity it seemed to her - those blue eyes she had missed so much opened slowly and stared right at her, confusion more than evident.

?Tahiri?? His voice was quiet and slightly slurred with sleep, but full of love and concern. ?What are you?? His words were cut short as he focused and fully took her in.

The fear she had been hoping to avoid rose in him quickly, and she realized that she had to act fast to calm him.

?Yes, Anakin,? she whispered, ?I?m Tahiri, but I need you to stay calm so I can explain what?s going on. I?m not here to hurt you.?

?Why are you here? And why do you look so different??

?I?m here to tell you what you need to know about the Voxyn Mission. I?m not your Tahiri, but I am what your Tahiri could become if you don?t listen to me.?

?Are you going to hurt her??

?No, in fact, if all goes well, we?re going to keep her safe, and you safe as well.?

His confusion grew until a slow smile spread across his face and he relaxed; it was clear that his sleep-fogged mind had just put a bunch of pieces together, though Tahiri knew they weren?t the right ones; he likely thought he was still sleeping.

?It?s funny, you look a lot older,? he commented through a yawn as he fluffed his pillow and pressed his head back into it.

Reaching over and placing her hand on his shoulder she said, ?I look older because I?m thirty-two, and I?ve been through a lot. And I need you to sit up. We have to talk.?

He gave her a wicked smile, ?You want to talk again? I thought twice in one night was enough to tide you over until tomorrow.?

Tahiri rolled her eyes, ?Not that kind of talk, hero-boy. Come on, I need you to get up and focus.?

Sitting up and swinging his legs over the side of his bed, Anakin dragged a hand down his face, rubbing his eyes and blinking a few times and then chuckling.

?This is the strangest dream I?ve ever had, I mean I?ve dreamed of you before, a lot actually, and I?ve even dreamed of you being older, but usually wearing less, and you never actually talk, I mean not like with words. Of course, they are dreams. You always sort of just do what I want you to do and don?t ask any questions or give me any orders.?

?As if I ever doubted your male-ness. Anakin, for the last time, you?re not having a dream. I?m real, I?m really here, and I?ve come a long way to be with you.?

Anakin shook his head again, trying to process what he was seeing and hearing.

?It?s funny, you actually feel like Tahiri, though a little different.?

?That?s because I am Tahiri, I?m just not your Tahiri. I?ve come from the future, one possible future, a future I?m trying desperately to avoid.?

?Well, I guess that is something that a dream Tahiri might say, if I let her talk in my dreams.?

Beginning to get extremely exasperated, she leaned in closer and looked right into his eyes. ?I?m not a dream; I?m really here. Give me your hand.?

Anakin blinked again, and lazily reached out, then gasped at the contact as Tahiri interlaced their fingers and pressed his palm to her cheek. The tears she knew would likely come began to flow down her face, and Anakin mo

Oops... Forgot to reply:

Hello Boys and Girls,

I got so excited about posting Chapter 1 that I forgot about comments.

Jade Eyes Thanks for stopping by, I?m glad you liked the first glance. I?ve been having a blast with this one and hope it pleases.

G_Anakin PM?s away. Welcome.

Ava Glad you?re hooked. There should be plenty of hookable stuff to come.

TahiriSoloFan AUNTIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! So good to see you! I hope you like it. It?s sure to be an A&T love fest for a least a while!

Thrawn McEwok What can I say?

Oh? evidently a lot:

All I can say is that this works. And that's not just a pedantic continuity point.
Well thank you? I?m still going over stuff and asking myself if anyone is going to say ?no way? that can?t happen.? But then? this is all make believe, right?

Great title. It makes me think of light, and the things that it can shine through.
Interesting? and did you know that Tahiri means light in Arabic? One of the things I love about her, that her name is ?her? in the earlier days, and one of the reasons her ending up ?dark? is so wrong. And it?s funny, I spent years joking about her becoming Jacen?s Sith apprentice, but when it happened, it made me feel icky inside.

This sets the tone, in more ways than one: the inner monologue echoes Tahiri's tendancy to talk exhaustively, but it's silent, self-contained, with no audience - no Anakin; and, compounding the fact, she's having to do the methodical, practical, mechanical things herself. Implicit pain, implicit loss - unspoken, but shaping every action, every word of the scene, and inmore ways than one...
Interesting take. I hadn?t thought of how stripped of herselfshe is without Anakin, but I did when you pointed this out. She really did lose her essence when she died, and then, Riina was able to take over. Interesting take. I always saw her as weakened by his death, but not that she had last what made her Tahiri.

It took me a couple of readthroughs to get the meaning of this, but when I did, I liked it.

So the past can change, if you do it right?

And Jacen... and his pebbles... can be ignored, because there are more important things to fix.

I?m still wondering if I can pull this off, but I guess I really only need to worry about it for a couple of weeks! I keep going over in my mind, and as I read the dialogue, as Tahiri and Anakin are in his room and she?s explaining to him that she is not his Tahiri, and dealing with the pronouns, and her missing ?him? but not him how all of this works, but again, it?s make believe, so I guess if the reader wants to believe, that?s really all I need?

That's an interesting move. Not only is it the key transformation from present to past, from start to journey, it also indicates that she's always been aware of the pain - just in control of it. You make her strong/vulnerable all at once. Very compelling - you can feel why she's doing this, both the drive, and the control, the push and the pull.

And the past, and the present?
It has always seemed to me that she was, at first, just in control of the pain, then, with Riina, in control, but only because the YV aspect of her informed that control, then, she simply existed because that is what was expected of her.

I sort of wonder why it took me as long as it did to come up with this story, because now, I can?t imagine her not doing this, like the second she could get a shuttle and track down the Monks on her own. What the hell else did she have to do after LotF?


Again, these two paragraphs act to strengthen the lines of the character-portrait: Tahiri's dialogue, turned into an internal private monologue; the methodical, Anakin-like actions she's performing (almist a ritual evocation? To bring him back, she has to go in this way? ), and the calm, silent sense that there's nothing else that matters for her. That sense of a lightsaber suicide as a "fitting" alternative at the end is an excellent illustration: if not flow-walking, then it's the be

Fantastic update. I love love love love fixer-upper fics I really really do!!!! A perfect place to make everything right!!! Keeping A/T together is marvy but oh saving Mara -- thank you!!!!
Huggles!!!!

I love this next bit...

Have you written A/T before? Because this is one of the most natural A/T scene's I've ever read. I choked up when I read it... Gosh, I never realized I missed Anakin so much.

Amazing isn't it, the effect that one single person has on everything? If Anakin had lived, none of it (Jacen, Mara) would have happened. At least, as not as horrendously as it did. I'm fairly sure the GFFA would have found a way to start another war.

Good Lord... I'm so dang excited!

Great stuff!

CJM

I'm seriously impressed with how mature this Tahiri is. I've seen several different fixer-upper fics, and of all of them this is the only one I can recall where the person (or persons) going back aren't hating on Jacen so badly that they can't see the distinction between Future Jacen and Past Jacen.

I really like this story. I feel like it's been ages since I read anything A/T. Wonderful job.

If you have a PM list, could you add me to it? I feel as though I would forget to read it if I didn't get them. Thanks.

i was so upset when they killed ani

i love storys where he's alive

add me to the pm list if there is one

This is just getting better and better, Preggers! You've taken an in-universe "reality" of flow-walking (by the way, something I haven't been too fond of ) and given us a "realistic" way to have a very touching Anakin and Tahiri moment....AND given the promise of so much more! WOW...I mean, seriously, WOW!
Looking forward to seeing what the impetuosity of Anakin's youthful heroism & optimistic love can do when tempered with the Older Tahiri's tragic experience & love lost.

Oh, happy day!!! I come back after months, and months, and months (and months!) away, and Preggers is back and posting!

And posting A/T as well?! Golly gosh!

**skips back to read**

Ant.





ETA: Oh, and if you could drop me a PM when you update, that would be just super

SQUEEE!!!!
This is better than Christmas and my Birthday all at once.
Please shoot me a PM when you update!
Loved every second of it!

Jade_Eyes
Fantastic update. I love love love love fixer-upper fics I really really do!!!!
I?m glad you?re enjoying it. I love fixer?s too. It?s the beaty of fan fic, the ability to make right what Rostini and the authors kriff up.

A/T together is marvy but oh saving Mara -- thank you!!!!
Huggles!!!!
I hope you feel that way later?

canadianjedimama

I love this next bit...
Thank you, it was fun to write.

Have you written A/T before? Because this is one of the most natural A/T scene's I've ever read. I choked up when I read it... Gosh, I never realized I missed Anakin so much.
Thank you so much, I can?t tell you how nice that is to here. I have not written Anakin before, but I have written Tahiri pretty extensively. I?m glad the scene made you emotional, I like to get my readers all choked up, I like to know that you?ve shed a few tears. Makes me sleep well at night!

Amazing isn't it, the effect that one single person has on everything? If Anakin had lived, none of it (Jacen, Mara) would have happened. At least, as not as horrendously as it did. I'm fairly sure the GFFA would have found a way to start another war.
That is sort of the genesis of this story. I have been a hard core Tahiri fan for years, but wasn?t as hard core Anakin, didn?t really feel that strongly one way or another, but I was so disgusted with LotF, as if the end of NJO and the DNT weren?t bad enough for Tahiri, and I suddenly became really nostalgic for Anakin, and started thinking again about how different things could have been.

Good Lord... I'm so dang excited!

Great stuff!
Well I hope to keep you excited.

Canisblack
Welcome!
I'm seriously impressed with how mature this Tahiri is. I've seen several different fixer-upper fics, and of all of them this is the only one I can recall where the person (or persons) going back aren't hating on Jacen so badly that they can't see the distinction between Future Jacen and Past Jacen.
Well, I do tend to want Tahiri to be a grown up, l so I write her that way. However, Future Jacen started somewhere?

Jaina_Solo_59
I really like this story. I feel like it's been ages since I read anything A/T. Wonderful job.
Thank you very much, and yea, I know. I actually went to the last page of the stories list, started with the last story listed and went through the whole list looking for A&T stories? not a lot to read. That was actual readable anyway. So you go, what my brain came up with because I?ve read everything I could find on the internet!

If you have a PM list, could you add me to it? I feel as though I would forget to read it if I didn't get them. Thanks.
I certainly will, and I know how you feel.


frankieskywalker
i was so upset when they killed ani
I was one of those lucky souls who started ready SW books after Anakin was killed, so I went in knowing, therefore wasn?t as devastated when I read it, but as time goes by, as I read more and more, and over and over, I get more upset. It?s weird.

i love storys where he's alive
I love stories where he and Tahiri hiss.

add me to the pm list if there is one
You?re on it.


TahiriSoloFan
AUNTIE!!!!!!!

This is just getting better and better, Preggers!
Thank you! I?m actually really pleased with how it?s turning out. I hope you like what?s coming up next.

You've taken an in-universe "reality" of flow-walking (by the way, something I haven't been too fond of ) and given us a "realistic" way to have a very touching Anakin and Tahiri moment....AND given the promise of so much more!
I know, hated that device. And really hated how Jacen used it to manipulate T, hated even more that she allowed him to do it.

WOW...I mean, seriously, WOW!
Looking forward to seeing what the impetuosity of Anakin's youthful heroism & optimistic love can do when tempered with the Older Tahiri's tragic experience & love lost.
I hope the story doesn?t disappoint.


Jedi-Ant
H

Fragile

Chapter 2

I Love You More Than You?ll Ever Know

28 ABY
Eclipse Station

Through a sleepy haze, Tahiri heard the door to her room hiss open, and vaguely registered the sound of Anakin?s footsteps as he made his way over to her bed. Before she had time to puzzle out why he was back, or how long ago it was that he had left, he had stripped off his vac suit and shirt and was sliding back between the sheets. He slipped one arm under her pillow and the other around her waist, pulling her body tightly to his before resting his head behind hers and pressing his lips to her hair.

As the satiated fog began to fade, Tahiri was assaulted by the tempest of emotion coming off Anakin. He was terrified, and her first thought was that the gravity of the mission they were about to undertake was finally sinking in - and he was afraid. If that was the case than his return was likely for the purpose of once again trying to talk her out of going with him. But as soon as that thought finished its trip across her mind, she realized that his fear was different, new. It wasn?t a fear for her as much as a general fear. She also realized that the small sigh that had escaped him as he kissed her head was not a sigh at all, but a sob; Anakin was crying.

Tahiri rolled over in his arms, then lifted her hand up to caress his cheek. She felt his tears, lightly smoothed her thumb over his skin to wipe them away, and opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, but didn?t have a chance to get the words out before he was kissing her.

Realizing immediately what he needed from her, and how desperately he needed it, Tahiri put aside all thoughts of what could have happened since he?d tucked her in and snuck out of her room. Anakin would tell her what he wanted to tell her, when he was ready, and not a second before. Right now what he needed was to be comforted, to feel safe and loved, and she would give all that she was to accomplish that.



~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



Tahiri sat between Anakin?s outstretched legs, her shoulder leaning into his chest, one hand fisting his shirt, the other cupping his neck. Her head lay on his shoulder, her forehead buried in his neck while Anakin absently ran his fingers through her hair. Older Tahiri sat opposite them, head leaned back against the wall, exhausted and fighting to keep her hold on the flow.

Anakin had thought listening to what Older Tahiri had to tell him earlier was rough, but it didn?t begin to compare with what she had shared when they?d all sat down in his room again, a few hours ago. He?d known, intuitively, that team members were going to die, he?d known that he was going to have to make difficult choices, he?d even known that he was going to make mistakes, but hearing them recited one by one, one after another, was a different thing entirely. Had it not been for the strength of these two women, and their combined belief in him and his ability to make it right this time, he might have been tempted to call off the mission, and hope that the Jedi could just outrun the voxyn until the Vong got tired of this particular brand of torture.

Torture.

That was a hard one to listen to too.

As with many of the other aspects of the mission that they had anticipated, ?prepared? for, listening to Older Tahiri recount what had been done to her, how many times she had been dragged to the center of the room for breaking, was almost too much to bear. He hadn?t liked hearing what they had done to him or his siblings, had gotten a little nausea, again, when listening to what had been done to Ulaha, but evidently, only Ulaha had been taken to the center of the holding chamber more than Tahiri had, and, against Anakin?s orders, fearing what he would do if he could feel her pain or her fear, she had cut herself off from the meld every time.

Typical, Anakin had thought.

Older Tahiri smiled ruefully when recounting her experience. ?It was my own fault. Maybe if I'd kept my mouth shut...?

Anakin stared at her for a moment, not understanding what she could pos

Again...wow!
You're blowing me away with your characterization of Anakin.
It's coming off so naturally and the tears geez...they worked incredibly well.
I love how you are finally giving them the words to express how they feel about
each other and its coming off so realistically. So many other authors let things go unsaid and are just
assumed with this couple, which sometimes drives me insane. It's like you're breathing a new life and oxygen into
this ship that it was seriously missing! None of it feeling forced or trite.
So I guess what I am trying to say is amazing job again...I am swooning with
every post...LOL! You're making these last few miserable weeks of this miserable
pregnancy bearable with this story. (It's a boy by the way)
Anyway hope to see more up soon.

love the comedy they can still make in the face of horror

Super terrific update. Really cool having both Tahiris This time travel stuff is really something LOL

you've done great with this story preggers!!! Can't wait for the next bit, if you're doing one, please add me to the PM list!

Oh; and no messing around tonight. You guys take forever, which is fabulous when you?re the ones actually doing it, not so great when you?re waiting for you to finish.?


That warning lasted a long time!

This is a great story please add me to the PM list