Beyond Fragile: An Anakin and Tahiri Story A previously unposted outtake up 5/20/11

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by pregnantpadme, Jun 17, 2009.

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  1. pregnantpadme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2004
    star 4
    Hello kids!

    We have a little housekeeping to address before we get to the replies to your responses:

    1) A lot of anxiety over whether I kill Anakin, Tahiri, Will, or ?anyone nice? in the upcoming chapters. My answer to that is: come on? if I don?t kill anyone? where?s the fun in this for me? I?m kidding? sort of. But I promise a happy ending. For someone. Some one will be happy at the end of my story. There is always a happy person when my stories end. I?m just not going to tell you who will be happy at the end of this particular story. You?ll have to wait for Christmas. It will sort of be like my gift to all of you.
    2) A few of you have expressed concern over the title of the Epilogue: Love Is Stronger Than Death. May I refer you to the title of the Prologue: Love Is Stronger Than Death. They have the same title. See? I?m bringing it full circle. Get it? Cool, huh? Does that make anyone feel any better? Or does that just make you all think of dead people?
    3) Tomorrow, Friday, December 11, at sundown, marks the beginning of Chanukah, and happens to be the night Big Sithter?s Hebrew school class leads Friday night Shabbat services at Synagogue. What this means to all of you is that I will be at Synagogue forever tomorrow night so if Beta Boy doesn?t get the update back to me in the morning, the update may be up really late tomorrow night. In fact, we may actually miss Hawaii time this week. Sorry. If Beta Boy is on top of things, and gets the update in early, I may pull a rabbit out of my hat and post in the afternoon, but don?t hold your breath. I will be truly saddened if I miss posting on Friday, because I think it?s only happened like twice in the 28 weeks I?ve been doing this, and I?m really into the concept of not missing my Friday posting schedule, but, what can I do, my kid?s gonna be up on the bema singing Dreidal, Dreidal, Dreidal.

    I think that?s it.

    I hope everyone has a fabulous day.

    Happy Chanukah to my fellow Jews,

    Elle





    Jade_eyes
    Fantabulous update! Intrigued by the little notes at the end ...

    Tahiri's a very motivating speaker, and I hope all three prongs of the major plan work as expected, though how often is that the case?

    Thank you very much. I was a little on the looppy side with those notes. But I stand by what I said? and shall say no more on it.

    As to the plans of attack? you shall see with the next post how things go.


    lost_lauries_grapes
    Preggers, a short post is just fine... this and last week's even out.
    I thought so. Though in edits, that post grew. What can I say? Even when I try to go short, I go long. Let that be a warning.

    Oooh, so the shamed ones will follow the Jedi and fight. I have a bad feeling about this.
    As well you should.

    And, yes, the Belvedere has arrived! I'm not sobbing into it. Rather, I was flabbergasted when Jake called me to tell me exactly how much you sent. Thank you so much!
    You?re welcome!

    I'll be able to drink some this next week after I finish the final edit of my paper, etc.
    Hope it went well, and that it goes down well.

    I will be going home on the 15, so feel free to bombard me with anything FaL related then.
    You start on that re-edit? and I?ll finish this up and then pull my head out of The Three and see if I can?t get my F&L mojo up and running.


    Master_Jaina1011
    So you are right...the post was great but your statements at the end have me freaking out a little bit.
    They don?t call me the Prophetess of Doom for nothing.

    People die?!!!
    It is a war.

    Does everything go according to plan? (with the Skolos I doubt it)
    It is a war.

    Does Mara kill Nom Anor (Go Mara!!! Don't listen to Luke go for it!)
    It is a war.

    Do they finally get to have the peace they want?
    It is a war.

    And this fic ends?!!!
    On December 25th.

    but you did say I have F&L to look forward to...Oh yes I am ready for the snark to fly!!!
    I?m trying like hell to get the F&L mojo flowing? Let?s see where we?re at in
  2. tahiriveilax Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2008
    star 4
    Yes, and no. I?m a big non believer in sequels? to my stories anyway. There will be no sequel here. Sorry. But I may come up with another story. Despite my saying several weeks ago that I was leaving the boards forever when Fragile was done. Because, look where that got me: working on my original fic again, and knee deep in reviving my Tahiri/Jacen, Kyp/Jysella, Tenel Ka/Cem epic? so, there you go. I guess this is why you should never say ?never?.

    Leaving? :( Why?

    Poor Jacen. Maybe there is hope for him. Lets see how he does this week.

    Jacen always got on my nerves in NJO, and afterwards. IMO, he was always jealous of Anakin.

    Hey! Where are you? IT?s still the 10th (Thursday) and I don?t post until Fruday? so sorry, and I?ll get it up as soon as I can.

    Australia :) We are ahead of everyone else. Which sucks sometimes. That's okay :)

    LOL. But if I don?t kill anyone? where will the drama be?

    There can be drama without killing.. :( EU has already shown us so much death. No more. I will not embrace the pain.
  3. pregnantpadme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2004
    star 4
    tahiriveilax

    Leaving? Why?
    I was going to leave, partly because I was done writing fic, partly becasue I was disgusted with profic, but several readers expressed interest in my finishing my other story Fear and Love, so I decided to stick around and see if I could finish it. So, I'm staying to do that.

    But, I don't do sequels.

    Jacen always got on my nerves in NJO, and afterwards. IMO, he was always jealous of Anakin.
    I found Jacen very annoying, but I felt I redeemed him in Fear and Love, so I have a soft spot for him. But then he was trashed in LotF... and I lost my Jacen mojo... but Im going to try and fix that by finishing F&L... we'll see if I can pull it off.

    Australia We are ahead of everyone else. Which sucks sometimes. That's okay
    I love Australia. My original fic is set there.

    There can be drama without killing.. EU has already shown us so much death. No more. I will not embrace the pain.
    There absolutely can be drama without killing... but we'll see what happens.

    Now... on to the post...
  4. pregnantpadme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2004
    star 4
    Fragile

    Chapter 27

    Life Is A Battlefield







    Thrust, parry, twist, pull.

    Thrust, parry, step back, slash, kick.

    Breathe.


    Thrust, slash, kick, twist, sidestep.

    Run, jump, flip, crouch, spring, snap-kick.

    Breathe.

    One hundred and four.


    Tahiri could see the Senate building.

    No, she could see the Well of the World Brain.

    She could also see the hundreds of warriors standing between her and it.

    She could also feel the exhaustion threatening to take her down, but she couldn?t let it, she had to keep going.


    Run, jump, spin, land, kick, thrust, stab.

    Breathe.

    One hundred and five.


    She could also feel death, all the deaths she had caused. She couldn?t feel the losses in the Force, like she would feel them if she had gutted and speared and decapitated humans or Twi?leks or Rodians or Wookies, but she could feel the deaths in her soul and they were weighing her down as much as the fatigue was weighing down her muscles.

    Kick, parry, thrust, uppercut, swing, hack, duck, swing back around.

    Breathe.

    One hundred and six.


    Kick, spin, snap-kick?

    Then the ground began to quake.







    Mara was finding it surprising easy to split her attention.

    Nom Anor was a coward.

    For all his proselytizing, for all his talk and encouragement to the Shamed Ones to rise up against their oppressors as they marched toward the Sacred Precinct, he was doing a very good job at hiding behind them, whenever they encountered the warriors he was encouraging those Shamed Ones to attack. That left Mara plenty of room to fight those same warriors without having to worry about where Nom Anor was.

    He was always hiding behind those Shamed Ones.

    Each skirmish that Team Three had gotten into so far had proven fairly easy to deal with. Either Shimmra was sending out the second string, or the Shamed Ones were better prepared and more fed up with their lot than Mara had imagined.

    Though they hadn?t had many weapons to start out with, the survivors from the first few skirmishes had picked up the amphistaffs and thud bugs and razor bugs left by the dead warriors and carried them into the next skirmishes and hadn?t been shy about using them.

    The Shamed Ones had done better as they?d kept going, not only picking up weapons, but picking up friends. By Mara?s guess they were only a kilometer from the Sacred Precinct now and had far more Shamed Ones with them than when they?d started out.

    Jaina was leading the throng now, Mara only a meter behind her and to the left. Nom Anor was between them, off Jaina?s left shoulder, in clear striking distance of Mara?s lightsaber, if he so much as sneezed, as Anakin had said. Mara had barely taken her eyes off of him in the last twenty minutes, just begging the Force for him to sneeze.

    Then he did sneeze, but Mara suspected it was because of the smoke from the fires that were beginning to break out in the shrubs all around them.







    Anakin crouched down at the base of the wall surrounding the Sacred Precinct and braced himself with his hands on the ground as it shook again, watching in horror as the Shamed Ones threw themselves at the warriors in front of them.

    It was like watching a mass suicide.

    These were not the warriors that Mara?s Shamed One?s were fighting; these were Shimmra?s elite guard, these were the guardians of the actual Citadel. The only beings stronger, tougher, or more brutal would be the warriors in the throne room itself, the warriors standing in front of Shimmra.

    These Shamed Ones were lucky if they lasted five seconds before becoming decorations on the tips of these warriors amphistaffs; they?d last even less time in the throne room and the wave of nausea Anakin was feeling was competing with the wave of guilt for the dominant emotion as he watched the melee in front of him.

    He?d known, from Older Tahiri?s descriptions of last time, that Shamed Ones would die, but still, knowing it was a possibility, even a probability, and actually watching it happen were two entirely different things.

    Anakin looked away from the scene to see Luke
  5. Nyota's Heart Fanfic Edited Winner / Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host Game Winner
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Oh yikes!

    Oh flaming fajitas!

    Oh ... even as glorious as the general victory is, losing Tahiri would make it rather hollow for her family. ;-s
    !!!!!!!

    Can I wait till next Friday? ;)

    I'll TRY!

    I have to!

    :p

    [:D]

    On a purely technical note, that was excellently written, perfectly paced and i felt I was right in the thick. Did enjoy Mara's handling of Anor. :D

  6. lost_lauries_grapes Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2006
    star 1
    Oh bugger.

    That was...intense...to say the very least.

    Great job, Preggers. *worries*[face_praying]

    EDIT: Now I know this was an important update, but did you really need to send me FOUR PMs about it? [face_laugh] Don't you just hate it when that happens?
  7. pregnantpadme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2004
    star 4
    LOL

    I don't even know how I managed to do that! I saw that you go four and I was like 'What the...?"

    How come I can't do that kind of stuff when I want to?

  8. lost_lauries_grapes Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2006
    star 1
    As Master Yoda once said, "Control, control, you must learn control!"
  9. star_writer24 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2006
    star 4
    OMG!
    Speechless!
    And I have to wait till I get back from Seattle to have computer access....are you freaking kidding me!
    You're absolutely correct I am NOT happy!

    Okay that was fantastic! I was surprised by how easily you had Anakin dispatch O but then maybe I shouldn't be
    since I know what your priorities are when it comes to story telling and battles aren't one of them LOL!

    EDIT: I had to add that one of the things I really enjoy about your writing is that you break rules that I didn't know could be broken and you still tell a fantastic story. I learn so much about writing just from reading your stories.

    Oh well, I am just going to trust that somehow she makes it and there is a happy ending!

    You have a fantastic holiday, and I will see you back on the boards in a couple weeks.

    E-
  10. Thalassa Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2008
    Okay, I finally have to delurk to tell you how much I enjoy reading your story. I can't get enough of your Anakin and Tahiri. You write them so brilliantly. =D=

    That part got me a little worried though or better the whole Tahiri scene at the end. It reminds me a bit of LOTF and how Jacen's promising Tahiri to take her back to see Anakin if she does what he wants her to do. Did you do that on purpose? Because all I do now is wonder if all the things that happend might just have been a product of Tahiri's imagination or maybe another of Jacen's tricks. [face_worried]
    I really hope it's not that way and all you did was just playing a little bit with my imagination. Because I really want to see a happy ending here and I think Anakin and Tahiri definitly deserve an happy ending.
  11. pregnantpadme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2004
    star 4
    Thank the Force!!

    I was wondering when somebody was going to pick up on that. And here I slaved and slaved and agonized over getting that just right so that the connection between Jacen manipulation Tahiri in LotF came across. I'm glad someone commented on it.

    I was beginning to feel like a failure.


    And Thank you for delurking.

    I'll answer the rest of your post when I hit all the replies on Thursday.

    Elle
  12. TahiriSoloFan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2003
    star 4
    So much to comment on, so little time!


    I notice the connection between Jacen & Tahiri & the flow walking....great job! =D=

    Loved the way Nom Anor "sneezed" [face_laugh]

    Off on a run...Hoping for more time next week! [face_praying]


    Happy Chanukah!
  13. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Great fic!

    Can I please be PM's when you update this?

    Many thanks

    EG
  14. Jedi-Ant Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 3, 2007
    star 4
    Where was I up to last time? Oh right, chappie 17?.

    ?I thought I felt a disturbance in the Force,? his wife announced, before laughing and tucking her head into Anakin?s neck.

    **snort** I can totally picture this scene in my head right now, and can only imagine the looks on the Solos and Skywalkers? faces right now. What a moment to meet after all those years apart! [face_laugh]

    Jaina stepped up beside him, leaning heavily on Jag, and swayed as she said to the family, ?Welcome to the Love Boat. You wouldn?t believe the desserts Anakin?s squad cooks up.?

    OMFG!! I just got a whole lotta love for Jaina that I never had before! :p

    She looked up and whispered, though not very quietly, ?I really like you wife. She?s fun. And she knows where all the good deserts are.?

    Oh, Jaina, I heart thee!! :D

    ?You?re a really good brother.?

    ?I?m trying.?


    OMG! Loving this banter right now!

    Anakin saw the grin Han was trying to hide, and remembered how much fun his father could be, wished his mother and his brother weren?t there, and decided he?d ignore them and continue to enjoy his evening.

    I fully approve of this plan! :D

    ?Eleven.? Tahiri admitted.

    ?Fourteen.? Jaina countered.

    ?Twelve.? Tahiri corrected.

    ?Twenty-seven.? Jaina threw out.

    ?Forty-two.? They both shouted in unison, which made everyone just shake their heads as they continued to laugh.


    Well damn?. Let?s see Jaina and Tahiri together more often. They?re frakin? hilarious!! [face_laugh]

    Anakin hefted Tahiri a little higher up in his arms as she began making throaty breathing sounds; imitating his grandfather.

    Jacen folded his arms and glared at her, saying, ?Unbelievable.?


    That?s a very Jacen thing to say. Honestly, the guy?s as stiff as a breadboard! :rolleyes: I stand by what I said before about always being a relative dressed all high-collared and sitting with a back straighter than a chair frame, etc, etc. That = Jacen Solo.

    Several laughs came from behind them, and Anakin mouthed ?Grandpa?, to which Tahiri smiled widely, and Leia huffed.

    Of course she would. **mutters something about Leia-hate**

    ?Must make Corran crazy.?

    ?He refuses to watch anymore.?


    I?ve always had a thing for Corran. Even if he is kinda stiff, like Jacen and Leia (though no where near as bad as they are, IMO) ;)

    ?No, you can?t, and you deserve the punishment for getting married and starting a family so young. If you hadn?t been dead when I found out I would have grounded you for that.?

    **hi-fives Han** I have to admit, that was a good one.

    ?You see the one where the helmet fell forward and he had to tilt his head back to look out under the visor? With his little chin up in the air??

    Gosh, I want to see this for real! So cute!! [face_love]

    ?Is it Tahiri? Does she not want you to see us??

    WHAT?!?!

    :eek:

    :mad:

    [face_not_talking]

    Oh Han? I thought you were bigger than that?

    :(

    ?Would she? If you asked her to??

    Han, I?m warning you?.

    ?You were supposed to take care of my wife and my son, and instead Luke tried to send her to a cluster of black kriffing holes, and you dumped her on strangers. She needed family, Dad.?

    Anakin smiled at his father. ?That?s okay, he?s pretty amazing. I?d put him ahead of me too.?

    Aww, Anakin?. [face_love]

    Jaina was perched on Jag?s lap now; ignoring both her father and her brother?the latter she was debating running thru with her lightsaber?and watching the giant heads up display at the front of the room.

    **tries to contact Jaina through the Force**

    Please run him through, please, please?.

    Coincidentally, I LOVE your Jacen in F&L? but all other Jacens I can?t stand. It?s the way you write him, and that?s saying something!

    Can I just add (again) how excited I am for F&L to start up again. Those characters ? all of them, and their pairings that you don?t see elsewhere ? are so close to perfect it?s not funny! And I even ship Kypella now, which is all
  15. JediKnight-Obi-Wan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 5
    Wow, that was a fantastic post! Very intense and poor Huane kicking the bucket. Guess Jacen will get to stay single awhile longer, eh?

    And major UH OH where Tahiri is concerned.[face_worried] You better not kill her off after all of this. I think those two deserve their happy ending! ;)
  16. star_writer24 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 15, 2006
    star 4
    Upping this before I leave for the airport, :-D

  17. pregnantpadme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2004
    star 4
    Sorry! Sorry! I fell asleep!!!!!

    HEre are replies!




    Chapter up in 30 seconds.... ish!


    Holy Heck!

    I throw I tree trunk into Tahiri?s chest and then fall asleep and forget to post the next update?

    That wasn?t very neighborly of me now, was it?

    Sorry about that.

    Anyway, Hello there kids!

    A quick little housekeeping note on this Friday afternoon... night... :

    While I?ve been going on and on about the Epilogue being posted on Christmas day? I did not take into consideration that Beta Boy has a live? and realtives? who would find it rather rude if he tried to excuse himself form family festivites to proofread my story on Christmas Eve. Therefore, Epilogue will go up when Beta Boy finds the darned time to get it back to me. He will be, as always, as gracious and considerate as he can be, while still attempting to stay out of the familial dog house.

    I?ll let you all know when we can expect the actual epilogue as we draw closer to the date, but it will likely be a few days after Christmas, as opposed to on Christmas day.

    Now: here are today?s replies to your responses, and I?ll get the update up after I?ve made my proof reading pass through and wrestled the markup codes into submission.



    Elle


    Jade_eyes
    Oh yikes!

    Oh flaming fajitas!

    Oh ... even as glorious as the general victory is, losing Tahiri would make it rather hollow for her family. ;-s
    !!!!!!!

    Lets hope I?m not that evil that I?d jerk your chain for 28 weeks? only to kill the heroine. That would sort of make me evil wouldn?t it.

    Really wouldn?t inspire you to come back and want to read anymore of my stories would it?

    Can I wait till next Friday?
    Wait no more! It?s here.

    On a purely technical note, that was excellently written, perfectly paced and i felt I was right in the thick. Did enjoy Mara's handling of Anor.
    Thank you! I don?t normally get praise for the technical stuff, so thank you for that. And yeah, once the sneeze got in my head, couldn?t let that one go.



    lost_lauries_grapes
    Oh bugger.

    That was...intense...to say the very least.

    Great job, Preggers. *worries*

    I like intense? be forewarned.

    EDIT: Now I know this was an important update, but did you really need to send me FOUR PMs about it? Don't you just hate it when that happens?
    SO not my fault!


    Star_writer24
    Sort of feel like I?m writing into the wind here?. But here goes.

    OMG!
    Speechless!

    My work here is done.

    Oh, wait? now it isn?t? One more chapter and the epilogue.

    And I have to wait till I get back from Seattle to have computer access....are you freaking kidding me!
    You're absolutely correct I am NOT happy!

    Sorry babe, if I?d known? I?d have tried to plot it out better.. or slipped you chapters before you left.

    Okay that was fantastic! I was surprised by how easily you had Anakin dispatch O
    All can be done with the Force.

    but then maybe I shouldn't be
    since I know what your priorities are when it comes to story telling and battles aren't one of them LOL!

    But then there is that!

    EDIT: I had to add that one of the things I really enjoy about your writing is that you break rules that I didn't know could be broken and you still tell a fantastic story. I learn so much about writing just from reading your stories.
    We?ll have to IM or Email on this later? because I?m trying to figure out which rules I broke, so it could just be an instance where I am so ignorant of the rules? that I don?t know I?m breaking them. SO, love to get you input.

    Oh well, I am just going to trust that somehow she makes it and there is a happy ending!
    I did say that someone would be happy. I just didn?t say who.
    But you can call me.

    You have a fantastic holiday, and I will see you back on the boards in a couple weeks.
    You too Sweets and kiss that scrumptious boy for me.
    Thalassa
    First off, thank you so very much for delurking. It always makes my day when someone owns up to having been reading my brains candy! It makes me feel not quite so alone!

    And, tha
  18. pregnantpadme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2004
    star 4
    Fragile

    Chapter 28

    You Are The Sea





    Leia walked into the room and stopped immediately when she saw Anakin.

    Though there were at least twenty people crowding the small space, her son was sitting alone; an island in a sea of grief.

    Leia steeled herself for the conversation she was about to have, then stepped over and took a seat next to Anakin and rubbed a hand over his back.

    ?Hey,? she said softly.

    He looked up, his eyes red-rimmed, but he didn?t say anything, then he looked back down.

    ?Have the medics come out yet??

    Anakin nodded his head, but only sighed.

    Leia gave it a moment, then asked what they said.

    Anakin sighed again, then, in a quiet voice explained; ?The amphistaff shattered several ribs and shredded her right lung. Bone fragments from the ribs punctured her heart, the left lung, the aorta, the vena cava and several other arteries and veins. If Jacen hadn?t deflected the amphistaf and slowed it down it probably would have shattered her chest completely and killed her instantly.?

    ?So, Jacen saved her life?? Leia asked, trying to brighten Anakin?s mood.

    Anakin shrugged. ?Or prolonged it by a few hours. We won?t know for awhile. They?ve removed her heart and both lungs, they?re in bacta trays. They?re working on removing all the bone fragments and the bacta will hopefully heal all the damage. She?s on a bacta bypass machine??

    ?You were on that when you were found.?

    ?I?m sure Darth Vader was too, sort of becoming a nice little family tradition.?

    ?Smart mouth.?

    Anakin smiled weakly before going on. ?Once the bacta does its job, if it works, they?ll put her heart and lungs back in her chest, fit her for plastisteel ribs, staple her muscles around to approximately where they were supposed to be, at least, the muscles that are salvageable. If her body doesn?t reject the organs being replaced they?ll submerge her in bacta and then wait to see if she comes to.?

    ?So? when will we know if she?s going to be okay??

    Anakin closed his eyes and Leia could feel the pain rolling off him in the Force.

    ?They don?t know. If she doesn?t die in the next few hours, that would be astral. If she doesn?t die tomorrow, that would be really stellar too. If she isn?t dead next week, that would be awesome.?

    ?Some how I don?t imagine that the medics worded it like that.?

    ?Between being a genius and having the Force? I?m pretty good at reading between the lines.?

    ?What did they actually say??

    ?That a whole bunch of things need to go right before they can give me a better idea of the situation but right now it?s ?touch and go?. They have her in a sterile environment because her chest is open, so the organs can remain partially attached while they?re in the bacta trays, but that means that the risk of infection is high, because even a sterile environment isn?t totally sterile.?

    ?Does a sterile environment mean you can?t see her??

    Anakin nodded again. ?If I?m lucky, they may let me in for a few minutes tomorrow, but I?ll only get to touch the top of her head, if they let me touch her at all.?

    Leia nodded, then reached over and took Anakin?s hand and squeezed it, and the two sat silently for a few minutes before Leia spoke again.

    ?Jaina and Jag have gone over to the Lusankya to pick up Winter and Iella. They should be back in a couple of hours. They?re bringing Will over.?

    Anakin closed his eyes for a long time, but didn?t say anything.

    ?I found some clothes for you on the Falcon, you have time to shower before they get here.?

    Anakin nodded, then spoke. ?Can you do me a favor, can you com them and ask them not to come yet? I?m not ready.?

    Leia hesitated for a moment, then pressed on. ?Will needs to see you honey. He felt it, and he needs to know that you?re okay.?

    ?But she?s not,? he whispered, ?and I?m not ready. What am I going to say? I promised? I promised him I?d bring her home, and I didn?t. And what am I going to do with out her? I can?t do this alone. I can?t raise him with out her.?

    ?Anakin look at me.? Leia reached over and took his chin in her hand and forced
  19. whateveritis12 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2008
    star 3
    Too impersonal when you have Anakin referring to Leia as Leia when you have him in a previous scene referring to her as mom and other personal adjectives.

    Other than that it was a good chapter.

    Overall this story has taught me something about Star Wars fanfiction for me, while I like reading about the Solo kids and their spouses (though it's still open for me with Jaina and Jag, I like Kyp more) I like a story that has the Big "4" in more prominent roles than you have them.

    Saying that, this still is one of the better stories that I've read on TFN. My only gripes would be the fact that it felt like it dragged a bit in the middle chapters, but I'll chalk that up to reader preference since you were focusing more on Anakin and Tahiri's relationship over anything else.
  20. Nyota's Heart Fanfic Edited Winner / Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host Game Winner
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Loved the mom and son moment at the beginning. =D= =D=
    Anakin's roller coaster emotions were very real and definitely understandable.

    The ending was everything I hoped for. [face_dancing] [face_dancing]

    [:D]
  21. Master_Jaina1011 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2002
    star 4
    Oh my...slap me on my hand now. I have been a bad girl. But it seems like this Christmas season is busy for everyone. Oui. Between working overtime and NOT having internet at my apartment where I usually reply to posts...I haven't gotten around to replying to anyone. Guess where I am doing it now...work where I actually have internet. *sigh* stupid 13 hour days.

    So here I go

    Last week's post,

    Whoa, definitely an interesting battle scene. I can imagine myself being those characters and everything.

    Anakin looked back out at the fighting, saw that the Shamed Ones weren?t doing any better and sighed, ?I guess there?s no time like the present.?

    ?You sure??

    ?Why not. Lets go wreak a little havoc. Why should our wives get to inflict all the mayhem??



    Men, they always have to outdo their women.

    As for Mara and Nom Anor...Oh man I wanted him to die at Mara's hands. and he did...in your story AWESOME!!!!

    and then....Tahiri.

    Man you had me at the edge there, and I kept saying to myself she wouldn't or would she?

    And Jacen putting her into a trance, that was a interesting twist. Wonder if Jacen did see anything or what.

    And this week's post.

    Man is this story really almost over? That is really sad.

    Poor Anakin. With Criminal Minds in the forefront of my mind, I couldn't help but relate Anakin to one of the main characters.

    Anyways I digress. Again poor A/T, first Anakin and now Tahiri. At least both of them can go through the same thing. Interesting how this plays out...

    And the Leia/Anakin conversation about denial...its so true. And poor Will and him not being able to feel Tahiri in the Force.

    And then she's ok!!! Well somewhat. Who knows what ramifications will come. But yay you didn't kill her!

    On another note, how they healed her was interesting. never would have thought of that.

    So there I replied...when I had downtime.

    Have a very Merry Christmas!
  22. Thalassa Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 12, 2008
    Wonderful chapter. =D= Tahiri's still alive and she seems to be fully recovered soon. [face_dancing]
    The way the medics healed her by removing her heart and lungs must be pretty ugly though and it left no dout about how serious her injuries were.

    I really liked the talk between Leia and Anakin. That was beautifully written and her words are so true.

    It seems all my fears that Jacen might just be playing with Tahiri's mind were for nothing. But who knows what your planing for the epilogue. :p
  23. lost_lauries_grapes Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 27, 2006
    star 1
    You, Elle, like Charles Dickens before you, end on a happy note. I'm hoping that continues. [face_laugh]

    ...She?s on a bacta bypass machine??

    ?You were on that when you were found.?

    ?I?m sure Darth Vader was too, sort of becoming a nice little family tradition.?

    ?Smart mouth.?


    Comedy under duress, I love it!

    Also, UPDATE: Unexpectedly, Assassin's Creed II has owned my life over the past few days, but I finished it yesterday. I'll be sure to get you your first chapter later this week, 'kay? Like, before Christmas. And then I'm a juggernaut from there. FaL will be my number one priority.

    Have a great week,
    Bea
  24. TahiriSoloFan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 20, 2003
    star 4
    So here I am between loads of laundry, lesson plans, list making, bill paying, etc.... boy, my life is glamourus!

    Nice update! =D= Poor Anakin was all rung out. It was so nice to see his joy at the end and Will was adorable.

    Merry Christmas, everyone!
  25. pregnantpadme Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2004
    star 4
    Happy Holidays Readers!

    As I predicted, Beta Boy has been busy, as I had not predicted... I was slammed by the year end Billing and Tax Gods... and they have not been nice or happy.

    I glibly assumed I'd roll right through writing the epilogue, since it's been mostly written in my mind since I wrote the prologue... since they sort of went hand in hand... so not the case. And then I ended up having to hand my kids over to my mom because I've been pulling 12 to 15 hour days at the office (I even worked on Christmas - watched my little Jew kids open mounds of gifts from their not Jew grandparents - then dragged myself back to my computer and put in another 14 and a 1/2 hours) so the epilogue is still safe and sound in my head and when I have a few minutes of alone time - and by alone I do not mean alone with a computer that is open to Quick Books or an email screen where I am writing or reading a nasty email, I will finish up that epilogue.

    Wow.

    I'm sure if Beta Boy reads that He'd tell me a needed a few periods in there somewhere.

    Or at the very least a comma or two.

    Anyway, I just wanted you all to know that I'm working my tail off and I haven't forgotten the most important update of the whole kriffing story! It will be up soon; as soon as the evil Tax accountant and the devious customer trying to get away with not paying me are both vanquished and I can close out my calender year.

    Until then, enjoy whatever you are doing between Christmas and New Years.

    Elle

    And no, I'm not bothering to spell check this note.

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