main
side
curve
  1. In Memory of LAJ_FETT: Please share your remembrances and condolences HERE

Beyond - Legends Fragile - An Anakin and Tahiri Story Repost Completed

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by pregnantpadme, Dec 27, 2015.

  1. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Tahiri had learned three very important things during her year with the Aing Tii Monks: one, that Jacen Solo had been a simplistic and literal thinker; two, that there was truth in Luke Skywalker’s ‘a certain point of view’ adage; and three, that life was one giant game of semantics.











    Author’s Note:

    It has always been difficult for me to reconcile times and dates of specific happenings within the NJO time line as concrete.

    Because the books themselves take place over a four to five year period (depending on how you interpret the years given in the book time line), because a few of the books have overlapping story lines (Dark Journey and Traitor, for example) and because the editors seem to lack any concern for showing consistency in character ages (or appearances) or the lengths of pregnancies (and I’m not even referring to Tenel Ka’s), it is often hard to gauge the amount of time that takes place between major events.

    After much discussion with a fellow fan, and a little liberal math, I've chosen to observe a time line that places the events of Star By Star as happening after 28.5 ABY. This would make Tahiri Veila at least 16 when the Mission to Myrkr is undertaken. If any of you hold fast to the notion that the events of SbS occurred closer to the beginning of 28 ABY; I apologize and hope that does not detract from any enjoyment you may derive from this story.

    I own nothing, this is simply my meager attempt to rectify what Troy Denning and Del Rey hath wrought.


    PP Spring 2009


    Additional Author's Note:

    Due to a ton of upheaval in my life, and the less than smooth transition that was the first TF.N migration - I stepped away from the boards. I had posted one complete story (this one) and had another that I had been working on for years and did not finish. I've always regretted not finishing the other and still live with the ghosts of those characters. I've gone back and re-edited Fragile and am reposting in the hopes that I can get the creative juices flowing and start really writing again.

    I hope you enjoy,

    PP 12/27/15




    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Fragile; fraj-uh l; fraj-ahyl adjective
    Definitions: Easily broken or damaged; delicate; brittle; frail. Vulnerably delicate, as in appearance. Lacking in substance or force; flimsy
    Synonyms: frail, tenuous, delicate, precarious
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Prologue
    Love Is Stronger Than Death



    44 ABY
    Eclipse Station, Eclipse, Deep Core


    Tahiri Veila gazed about the room, taking stock of all she saw, a small smile curving her lips. Never would she have imagined that her own impending demise would bring her so close to bliss.

    She’d spent two days sealing the room: liquid silicone adherent now lined every wall seam, the outline of the doors to the hall, and the window. Ten canisters of compressed oxygen, all full and linked together, were hooked up to the portable air-scrubber in the corner, and gauges resting on the desk monitored the carbon monoxide level. As far as she could tell, no air was leaking out and only good air was in. Anakin’s room was as close to hermetically sealed as she could make it. As long as she accomplished her goal before the last of the canisters was empty or the batteries on the air-scrubber wore out, she’d be okay.

    Okay being a relative term of course.

    A light covering of dust was still visible on many of the surfaces around her, except where it had been displaced due to her preparations and tests. So far, all had gone as she had hoped it would. As she had known it would. The only thing left to do was begin the journey that would change destiny.

    When she’d first entered Anakin’s room, the few possessions he hadn't loaded into the Falcon’s storage holds had been right where he himself had left them. During each of her flow-walking trips she’d rearranged those items, making mental notes of where she’d placed them, anxiously returning to the present to see if the data pads, water bottles, and machine parts remained where she had moved them to. Each time they had.

    Jacen Solo could go kriff himself… and his pebbles… on whatever plane he currently existed.

    Now, confident that she was ready to undertake the task that had brought her back here after so many years, she gave into the memories that had been calling to her since she had landed; allowed the images fighting to come to the forefront of her mind to present themselves, and let the waves of agony that were part and parcel of these mental journeys wash over her.

    In her minds eye she could see herself with Anakin, holed up in this very room, wrapped in his arms as they planned and dreamed of what their life would be like after the war. She saw herself sitting next to a food prep unit, Anakin’s legs sticking out from under the machine, handing him tools before he had a chance to ask for them. She saw them dueling in the workout room, Anakin teaching her everything he could think of, because he wanted her to be able to defend herself, in any situation, against any threat. Then she remembered the sick feeling she got while standing in the great meeting room, listening in horror as the center of her universe explained in sketchy detail his idea for how he could deal with the Voxyn threat. It was amazing that the sixteen years that had passed between then and now had done nothing to diminish the joy and sorrow that these memories evoked. It was as if any one of these events could have happened yesterday.

    As far as Tahiri knew, and if the condition of this place was anything to go by, no one had been to Eclipse since the Jedi fled to the Maw shortly after the fall of Coruscant. She’d expected this, and was not surprised to find that there was no food or water, and that the air-filtration system was completely shot. She had felt a slight pang of regret at discovering this last bit, but only because she so clearly remembered the hours upon hours that Anakin had spent trying to beat the machine into submission, or rather, working order. But, this was how she had hoped to find the station; this was all part of her plan.

    When she’d arrived, she had unloaded her small supply of air tanks and water bottles enough to last her ten days - and stored them in Anakin’s old room. Then, she’d very methodically sealed his room. Every wall juncture, ever crevice, every vent, had been stuffed with rubberized epoxy sealant; the air vents had been covered and sealed as well. Once she’d accomplished her task, she’d programmed her astromech to take off, then she had detonated a self-destruct mechanism and watched her X-wing blow into a million pieces. If she managed to accomplish what she had come here to do, then, in theory, she wouldn't care about breathing or eating any more. If she failed, then provisions would be unnecessary because she would simply put the hilt of her lightsaber to her chest and activate it. This station was where she had last known joy, and therefore seemed like a fitting place to die.

    Taking one last good look around the room, Tahiri settled herself onto the floor, legs crossed, hands on her knees. She was going to spend a few moments thinking, going over in her mind all that she had planned out; contemplate the magnitude of what she was about to do. She had learned three very important things during her year with the Aing Tii Monks: one, that Jacen Solo had been a simplistic and literal thinker; two, that there was truth in Luke Skywalker’s ‘a certain point of view’ adage; and three, that life was one giant game of semantics. At the very moment in her study that she realized that Jacen had been right when he said that it was impossible to bring Anakin back to life, she discovered that it was possible to save Anakin.

    Certain that she was as ready as she could possibly be, that she was prepared to see Anakin, to speak to him, to handle the disappointment he would undoubtedly feel when she told him of all the mistakes she had made, of the disaster she had made of her life, she allowed herself to slip into the Force and look for a specific place and moment in time.

    She knew exactly where she wanted to go; this very room, four nights before the strike team was to board the Lady Luck. She remembered that particular evening well, and steered clear of the five hours after evening meal, just as she had specifically avoided her old room, avoided the time she and Anakin had spent alone in there. She’d spent plenty of time over the years thinking about that, and the many other nights that had played out the same way.

    Tahiri sighed and let the thoughts of other people and other times flow away from her and refocused on the task at hand; sinking deeper into the Force and looking for that specific moment, that familiar calm. She looked for peace, she looked for love.



    Love Is Stronger Than Death/The The
     
    Ewok Poet, Darth_Kiryan and Kahara like this.
  2. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Chapter 1
    Am I the same girl? Yes, I am, yes, I am…





    28 ABY
    Eclipse Station, Deep Core


    Tahiri opened her eyes and looked around the darkened room, thankful that Anakin had left the low fresher light on so she could see.

    Taking a deep breath, she stood onto her knees and scooted over the few feet toward the bed. Her heart nearly beat out of her chest in joy. There he was, sleeping on his side, the bed sheet knotted in his fist, a lock of dark brown hair hanging over one eye. She resisted the urge to brush that lock of hair away, knew the contact would scare him, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. The next few minutes were going to be hard enough. Waking him from a dead sleep and causing him a heart attack would sort of defeat the purpose of all her work.

    Sitting back on her heals, she gently reached out with the Force, caressing his mind, the way she used to, guiding him gently to consciousness. After a minute - an eternity it seemed to her - those blue eyes she had missed so much opened slowly and stared right at her, confusion more than evident.

    “Tahiri?” His voice was quiet and slightly slurred with sleep, but full of love and concern. “What are you…” His words were cut short as he focused and fully took her in.

    The fear she had been hoping to avoid rose in him quickly, and she realized that she had to act fast to calm him.

    “Yes, Anakin,” she whispered, “I’m Tahiri, but I need you to stay calm so I can explain what’s going on. I’m not here to hurt you.”

    “Why are you here? And why do you feel so different?”

    “I’m here to tell you what you need to know about the Voxyn Mission. I’m not your Tahiri, but I am what your Tahiri could become if you don’t listen to me.”

    “Are you going to hurt her?”

    “No, in fact, if all goes well, we’re going to keep her safe, and you safe as well.”

    His confusion grew until a slow smile spread across his face and he relaxed. It was clear that his sleep-fogged mind had just put a bunch of pieces together, though Tahiri knew they weren't the right ones; he likely thought he was still sleeping.

    “It’s funny, you look a lot older.” He commented through a yawn as he fluffed his pillow and pressed his head back into it.

    Reaching over and placing her hand on his shoulder she said, “I look older because I’m thirty-two and I’ve been through a lot. And you can't go back to sleep, we have to talk.”

    He gave her a wicked smile, “You want to talk again? I thought twice in one night was enough to tide you over until tomorrow.”

    Tahiri rolled her eyes, “Not that kind of talk, hero-boy. Come on, I need you to sit up and focus.”

    Anakin rose and swung his legs over the side of his bed as he dragged a hand down his face, rubbing his eyes and blinking a few times and then chuckling.

    “This is the strangest dream I’ve ever had, I mean I’ve dreamed of you before, a lot actually, and I’ve even dreamed of you being older, but usually wearing less, and you never actually talk, I mean not like with words. Of course, they are dreams. You always sort of just do what I want you to do and don’t ask any questions or give me any orders.”

    “As if I ever doubted your male-ness. Anakin, for the last time, you’re not having a dream. I’m real, I’m really here, and I’ve come a long way to be with you.”

    Anakin shook his head again, trying to process what he was seeing and hearing.

    “It’s funny, you actually feel like Tahiri, though a little different.”

    “That’s because I am Tahiri, I’m just not your Tahiri. I’ve come from the future, one possible future, a future I’m trying desperately to avoid.”

    “Well, I guess that is something that a dream Tahiri might say, if I let her talk in my dreams.”

    Beginning to get extremely exasperated, she leaned in closer and looked right into his eyes. “I’m not a dream; I’m really here. Give me your hand.”

    Anakin blinked again, and lazily reached out, then gasped at the contact as Tahiri interlaced their fingers and pressed his palm to her cheek. The tears she knew would likely come began to flow down her face, and Anakin moved his thumb over them, wiping them away, then stiffened.

    “You really are here, aren't you? How is that possible? Wait…”

    He reached for his com-link, but Tahiri grabbed his hand to stop him.

    “No, you can’t comm anyone. It’s really important that no one else know I’m here.”

    “Why? I mean, you’re freaking me out a little here. I’d really like to check with someone else to make sure I’m not hallucinating.”

    “I know, and I know that this must be confusing, but you can’t tell anyone, and what I have to tell you is going to be hard for you to accept at first, but trust me, you need to hear it. You’ll understand why when I’m done.”

    “Ok,” he said dubiously, “I’m not dreaming. You are not my Tahiri, you’re a Tahiri, from the future,” he paused and squinted his eyes, “a possible future. One you’re trying to avoid, and by telling me what you want to tell me you think you can avoid this possible future?”

    “Yes, in essence, that's what’s going on.”

    “And tell me again why I should listen to you and not call Tahiri, my Tahiri, in here to tell me that I’m not having a really weird dream? I mean I could just be imagining you because I’m under a bit of stress.”

    “Always the master of understatement. Anakin, you are under a tremendous amount of stress.”

    “Exactly, which only proves my point. So if I’m not having a very realistic dream, than either I’m having a vision, like the one I had of you on Yavin, or you are a figment of my imagination.”

    “Would it help if I told you things that only you and I would know.”

    Anakin chuckled. “Hardly. If I’m imagining you, I’d just have you tell me things that I wanted to hear.”

    “What if I told you things that you and Luke have discussed that you haven’t told Tahiri about.”

    Anakin raised an eyebrow suspiciously. “I tell Tahiri everything.”

    Tahiri snorted. “That’s crap and we both know it. You tell her what you absolutely have to if you think you’re protecting her, and when she figures out that you’re hiding something she beats it out of you.” As soon as Tahiri had spoken the words, she felt the spike of anxiety in Anakin at being called out. “See, if you were imagining me, than how would I know that you were thinking of asking Luke to consider not letting me go on this mission?”

    “If you’re a figment of my imagination, I could make you say that because I feel guilty about trying to leave you behind – or, her behind.”

    “Wrong. You and your Tahiri will have a fight tomorrow because she’ll know that you’re hiding something, or at least that’s what happened last time. My being here may change that.”

    Anakin chuckled ruefully. “If you being here can help me avoid getting yelled at by Tahiri, you may be worth the confusion I’m feeling now.”

    “I didn't yell at you that much.”

    “Now I know you’re a dream.”

    Tahiri sighed and shook her head. “As much as I’d love to hang out and debate my existence, we have a lot to cover.” Letting go of Anakin’s hand she stood up and began to pace. “You've felt me, you felt my face and my tears; I’ve told you things that your Tahiri doesn't know yet.”

    Almost reluctantly, Anakin nodded, then shook his head from side to side slowly. “I’m not imagining you am I?”

    Tahiri felt pity well up inside her. “No, you’re not,” she said gently, “and you haven’t lost your mind.”

    “Are you like a Force ghost or something? Uncle Luke always described them as ethereal, or incorporeal.”

    “I’m not a Force ghost. I used a time travel type of method called flow-walking to get here. I first learned about it from Jacen, then I went to the group of Force users he learned it from, the Aing Tii monks, and learned how to do it on my own and, here I am. I’ve come back in time so I can help you.”

    “You keep saying that, what exactly are you here to help me do?”

    “Not die.”

    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


    Anakin sat on the floor of his room, lower back pressed against the bed, elbows on his knees, head in his hands. The aching that had started in his chest while listening to this… Tahiri, listening to her tale, had moved slowly up to his head.

    He had never had a lot of time or patience for his brother’s self-indulgent and esoteric views, but if he were to believe what he was being told, than Jacen had a much more clear understanding of the intricacies of Force workings than Anakin had ever given him credit for. Or rather, he would have one day. Of course, according to this Tahiri, who he’d begun to think of as ‘Older Tahiri’ just to keep her and ‘Younger Tahiri’ straight in his head, those beliefs that Jacen would eventually hold would cause nothing but pain to the people Anakin loved most, as well as the galaxy at large.

    Sighing again, he’d done a lot of that in the last couple of hours, he raised his head to look at Older Tahiri, trying desperately to reconcile what she was saying with what he knew to be true.

    Again he had suggested comming someone else to confirm that he hadn't lost his mind. Again she had won out - evidently some things never changed - reasoning that any question he might ask someone, in an attempt to verify his sanity, would set off alarms in the Force, and bring a stampede to his stateroom door, revealing her. What she had allowed Anakin to do, had actually encouraged, was to gently reach out to his siblings, his parents, his uncle, finally even Tahiri, his Tahiri, to prove to himself that they were all safe and where they were supposed to be; in their beds, sound asleep.

    It hadn't been hearing this woman detail his death that had so upset him he was painfully aware of the fact that his chances of surviving the upcoming mission weren't terribly high; it hadn't even been her story of Jacen’s slide into megalomania and Sithdom that had so unnerved him; it had been her confession of what the last sixteen years of her own life had been like that had set off a wave of nausea that hadn't let up even after an hour. The idea that Tahiri, the woman he loved and already knew he’d spend the rest of his life with, long or short as it may be, could be twisted into the sad creature in front of him unnerved him in a way he would never have imagined possible. Especially hard to hear was the fact that it had been his own death that had begun her downward spiral, that had brought her to where she was now; sitting in front of him trying to change his future.

    In a quiet voice he hardly recognized as his own, he asked, “How long were you in prison?”

    “Only two years,” was the response, equally quiet, and so full of shame. “I was extremely fortunate.”

    “Why solitary confinement?” He couldn't imagine a worse punishment for her. But then, maybe her ability to talk a blue streak had changed with all the other things.

    “How else does one keep a Force sensitive trained as both a Jedi and a Sith contained? They weren’t going to let me wander around in the general population.”

    “Would you have run? Tried to escape?”

    “No. But Daala isn’t a big fan of the Jedi, and I think I ended up serving as an example for both sides. By agreeing to my sentence the Jedi didn't look like they were trying to protect one of their own, not that I was one of their own anymore, and the government got to look like they were trying to rectifying what Jacen and I had done.”

    “You make it sound like you were with Jacen on this from the start.”

    “No, but that hardly mattered in the end. They were all afraid of me, and your uncle had no interest in speaking on my behalf after everything I had done; especially to Ben. I’m sure everyone thought they were being generous by putting me in a duracrete box surrounded by ysalamiri rather than executing me.”

    “But you gave them everything they wanted, right? You answered all their questions and pled guilty…why were they so harsh?”

    “Like I said; I was an example, and I didn't fight it. By that point I didn't feel I had anything left to fight for.”

    “But now you do?”

    “For the next few days, yeah. If this works, then maybe I can die knowing that I did something positive to change the outcome of your life, and Jacen’s, which would be a huge thing for your family. If Jacen doesn't fall, he doesn't kill Mara, neither he nor I torture Ben, Jaina doesn't have to kill Caedus, your parents don’t lose both of their sons. And if this doesn't work…well, at least I’ll have tried, and, as selfish as it sounds, I’ll have had this time with you. After all, that’s sort of what got me into this mess.”

    “Wanting to be with me?”

    Tahiri’s eyes drifted close for a second as she nodded slowly. “I can’t tell you how much I’ve missed you. Or how happy I am to finally be able to tell you again how much I love you. Well, him… you know what I mean.”

    “Tahiri, has all of this really been a result of you feeling guilty about that.”

    “You have no idea.”

    “Would it help you to know that I know how much Tahiri loves me?”

    “I don’t know. But it might help her to know how much you love her.”

    Anakin shook his head to dispel the thoughts of what his death had done to this Tahiri, and instead focused on how she got here. “How does this flow-walking work? If Jacen couldn't change my fate, why do you think you can?”

    “Jacen used this to manipulate me, and I let him. I’m not deluded enough to think that I was a victim here. My desire to see you again was stronger than my desire to do what I knew was right, what I knew you’d have wanted me to do. I was weak. As far as Jacen and his claims of whether or not this could work, here is my theory: Jacen had no interest in bringing you back, so I doubt he ever really pursued it. And if he did, I think he likely pursued it literally. Whether he knew it or not, he was telling the truth when he said that we couldn't bring you back, not to our existence any way. What I later realized is that what he told me was only true from a certain point of view.”

    “Meaning, you could change the outcome on a different plane?”

    “Yes. I can never have my Anakin back, but maybe I can help you and your Tahiri have a future.”

    A sharp spike of pain pierced Anakin’s brain at the mere prospect of making that statement make sense, and yet, oddly, he did sort of get what Older Tahiri was saying.

    “And hopefully we can also save your family, and ultimately the galaxy, the heartache that Jacen could eventually cause.”

    “It sounds like the best way to do that may be to launch my self-righteous brother out an airlock.”

    “Don’t get me started. But honestly, it’s important for us to remember that the brother you know, the nineteen-year-old Jacen asleep down the hall, hasn't committed any of these acts. I know you love your brother, for all his faults and all your differences, and you know that too. We can’t punish this Jacen for what that Jacen did.”

    “So not only do we have to prevent me from dying, but we have to prevent Vergere from taking Jacen from the Baanu Rass and torturing him.”

    “Yes.”

    “And tell me again how you think we can accomplish this.”

    “Judging from Leia’s experience when she was at the Tachyon Flier crash site, and what I learned from Jacen and the monks, I know that when we flow-walk we can leave impressions. What I’m doing now is leaving an impression. After I’m gone, you will remember our conversation, my coming to you. What choices you make, based on all the things that I’m going to tell you, will be what effects your future.”

    “After you’re gone? When are you leaving? You haven’t told me anything yet.”

    “Relax, I have enough air in your room in my time to keep me going until you leave for the mission. I’ll need to take breaks to rest now and then, and I’m not totally sure how that will work in terms of me being able to find my way back, but we’ll work it out as best we can.”

    “What do you mean, find your way back?”

    “Anakin, as soon as you change something, I likely won’t exist anymore. Or at least not as I already have. If you make changes in the next four days, before you leave for the mission, than I don’t know where I’ll have ended up, or that I would ever have learned to flow-walk.”

    “So I can’t kick Jacen off the roster before we leave, or he will never be captured by Vergere, and blah, blah, blah, he won’t become a flow-walking Sith bastard who brain rapes you.”

    “Colorfully put, but yes.”

    “What do you expect? I’ve spent the last seven years with you. You’re colorful if nothing else.”

    “Thank you, I think.”

    “I hope you don’t find this offensive… but I don’t want her to end up like you. We can’t let that happen to her.”

    “No offense taken. I don’t want her to end up like me either.”

    They were both silent for a moment, Anakin thinking of the girl sleeping down the hall, until he finally said, “I notice you haven’t told me not to go on the mission.”

    Tears began to flow down Tahiri’s face again. “No. I’ve spent years thinking about this, and even with everything I’ve seen and been through, I know that you were right then, and you’re right now; the Queen has to be destroyed. Too much is at stake.”

    “But with all you know, why choose this time to come back? Why not another time?”

    “Because I don’t know how my interference will affect the outcome of other situations. This was the one time that I knew I might have a positive impact on.”

    “So we can’t go back and save Chewie?”

    “I wouldn't know how. And that would change other things that might make matters worse for you down the road.”

    “I guess that makes sense. So if the mission has to be undertaken, then you have to tell me every detail you remember in order to help me avoid what happened in your…what? Is there a word? Your ‘time’? Wait, can you go on the mission with us?”

    “Right, talk about a logistical nightmare. I have to be in the same physical place you are to come to you. I’ve flow-walked back to the world ship and it’s hard to hang out and hide for a few minutes, it’d be impossible to hide me there the whole time. You think sneaking in and out of each other’s room at night is a hassle.”

    “There’s a point. Hey, did anyone ever know about that? I mean, what was going on between us?”

    Tahiri got a faraway look on her face and then her eyes drifted close. When she opened them a moment later, there was a strange light in them that Anakin had never seen in his own Tahiri’s eyes. “Force, I’ve spent years trying to figure that out. I think that they probably did, and just didn't want to deal with it so they ignored us.”

    “I guess that makes the sense. We were pretty discreet in public.”

    “Although, my monthly requests for ovulation suppression meds had to have clued Cilghal in.”

    “Maybe fish use them for different reason?”

    Tahiri just shook her head as Anakin chuckled.

    “Do you remember the time Jaina and Zekk walked in on us in the dry goods pantry?”

    Tahiri smiled and let her head fall to the side, looking at Anakin through her eyelashes, “Do you remember the time your dad came into your room while we were in the shower?”

    “Remember? That was two days ago.”

    “Oh, right. Forgot. It was sixteen years ago for me.”

    Anakin grew serious again. “Were they good to you after? After I… went?”

    “Yeah,” she answered hesitantly. “They tried. I think it was hard for them to deal with how… distraught I was. I think in a way, they didn't feel like I deserved to be as devastated as I was, or that I shouldn't have let it show. They were all so stoic; all got on with their lives fairly quickly, at least that was how it seemed. I had a harder time putting on a brave face and pretending like my primary hadn't just gone nova.

    “Jaina was there for the melding. I’m not sure I would have retained any Tahiri if she hadn't helped. But when the war ended and I went with Zonama Sekot, I didn't speak to any of them for over five years.”

    Slowly getting up, Anakin scooted over to where Tahiri sat, pulled her into his side and wrapped her up in a tight hug. It only took seconds for the tears to start again, and only seconds more for the tears to turn into big wracking sobs. A torrent of pain and loneliness came pouring out of her. She clung to Anakin, burying her face in his neck, wrapping her arms around him.

    Anakin tried to soothe her, whispered to her, told her he was sure her Anakin knew how much she loved him; that he would make this better, that he was sorry that he couldn't bring her Anakin back, but that he would be forever grateful that she was doing so much to give him and his Tahiri what had been taken from her, what she had never had.

    As she calmed, she also began to fade, and the shock of realization startled Anakin. He shook her, more forcefully than he meant to, but the sudden jolt brought Tahiri back to her senses.

    “I didn't mean to startle you, you were… disappearing. I think you were falling asleep.”

    “I lost my concentration, I must have been slipping out of the flow.”

    “Why don’t you go back and get some sleep.”

    “But I still have so much to tell you.”

    “And we’re both exhausted. Go rest.”

    Standing up, Anakin reached for the shirt he had discarded when he’d entered his room.

    “Where are you going?”

    “I’m going back to Tahiri’s room. I need her, and I need to think, and I need to tell her how much I love her. She and I will be back here in an hour, and when we get here, we're going to go over the mission again, I want every detail, I want to know what everyone said, did, thought…I want every piece of information you can recall, no matter how insignificant it might seem to you now.”

    “I’ll give you everything you need, but I think there are really only a few major points that are going to make a significant difference.”

    “And what are those?”

    “Leave Lomi Plo and Welk where they are, don’t let Vergere take Jacen, and for Force sake Anakin, if we can’t prevent you from taking an amphistaff to your spleen, then go into a healing trance immediately.”

    Anakin felt the blood drain from his face and knew instantly that in this Tahiri’s life it had been his own foolish choices that had caused his death, and subsequently, the chain of events that followed - and he needed his Tahiri right then more than he ever had before.




    Am I The Same Girl, Yes I Am/Dusty Springfield
     
  3. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    [face_dancing] [face_dancing] Oh, I fondly recall this one! One very good reason why epics do not intimidate me! One of the best fixer fics ever! :D I'll reread this one, with pleasure!
     
  4. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
  5. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    :rolleyes: Too many refreshes! :p
     
    Irish_Jedi_Jade likes this.
  6. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Chapter 2
    I Love You More Than You’ll Ever Know
    Through a sleepy haze Tahiri heard the door to her room hiss open and vaguely registered the sound of Anakin’s footsteps as he made his way over to her bed. Before she had time to puzzle out why he was back, or how long ago it was that he had left, he had stripped off his vac suit and shirt and was sliding back between the sheets. He slipped one arm under her pillow and the other around her waist, pulling her body tightly to his before resting his head behind hers and pressing his lips to her hair.
    As the satiated fog began to fade, Tahiri was assaulted by the tempest of emotion coming off Anakin. He was terrified, and her first thought was that the gravity of the mission they were about to undertake was finally sinking in and he was afraid. If that were the case than his return was likely for the purpose of once again trying to talk her out of going with him. But as soon as that thought finished its trip across her mind, she realized that his fear was different, new. It wasn't a fear for her as much as a general fear. She also realized that the small sigh that had escaped him as he kissed her head was not a sigh at all, but a sob; Anakin was crying.
    Tahiri rolled over in his arms, then lifted her hand up to caress his cheek. She felt his tears, lightly smoothed her thumb over his skin to wipe them away and opened her mouth to ask what was wrong, but didn't have a chance to get the words out before he was kissing her. Realizing immediately what he needed from her, and how desperately he needed it, Tahiri put aside all thoughts of what could have happened since he’d tucked her in and snuck out of her room earlier. Anakin would tell her what he wanted to tell her, when he was ready, and not a second before. Right now what he needed was to be comforted, to feel safe and loved, and she would give all that she was to accomplish that.
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Tahiri sat between Anakin’s outstretched legs, her shoulder leaning against his chest, one hand fisting his shirt, the other cupping his neck, staring off into the distance while Anakin absently ran his fingers through her hair. Older Tahiri sat opposite them, head leaned back against the wall, clearly exhausted and fighting to keep her hold on the flow.
    Anakin had thought listening to what Older Tahiri had to tell him earlier was rough, but it didn't begin to compare with what she had shared when they’d all sat down in his room again a few hours ago. He’d known, intuitively, that team members were going to die, he’d known that he was going to have to make difficult choices, he’d even known that he was going to make mistakes. Hearing them recited one by one, one after another, was a different thing entirely. Had it not been for the strength of these two women, and their combined belief in him and his ability to make it right this time, he might have been tempted to call off the mission, and hope that the Jedi could just outrun the Voxyn until the Vong got tired of this particular brand of torture.
    Torture.
    That was a hard one to listen to too. As with many of the other aspects of the mission that they had anticipated, ‘prepared’ for, listening to Older Tahiri recount what had been done to her, how many times she had been dragged to the center of the room for breaking, was almost too much to bear. He hadn't liked hearing what they had done to him or his siblings, had gotten a little nausea, again, when listening to what had been done to Ulaha, but evidently, only Ulaha had been taken to the center of the holding chamber more than Tahiri had.
    Older Tahiri’s theory was that maybe the Vong had targeted her because she was the smallest, that they may have equated that with weakness, and thought the other team members would try to protect her. She had mused at one point that maybe they had recognized her as the Jedi Who Was Shaped, and were just playing with her to see if the Jedi Who Had Stood With Rua Vuuang would come to her defense again. She did say that despite Anakin’s orders, she had shut herself off from the meld every time, fearing what he would do if he could feel her fear or pain.
    Typical, Anakin had thought.
    After that, Older Tahiri had regaled them with tales of cramming into escape pods while Ulaha sacrificed herself to cover their landings, the team’s debate over freeing the Dark Jedi, Vergere and Nom Anor lying in wait and dogging them through the entire trek, and finally the ambush in the slave city where Anakin had been hurt. None of this, however, prepared him for both women’s reactions to Older Tahiri’s telling them of how Anakin had actually died.
    There wasn't much left after that; Tahiri going with Jaina to get Anakin’s body back, and her laying with him on the flight off the world ship. She admitted that she didn't remember much after she’d felt Anakin go and apologized that she couldn't give them more information about Jacen killing the Queen and then being captured because she had only been told about those events later by the others. Anakin had nodded numbly, and Younger Tahiri had crawled into his lap, and begun to weep like he’d never seen her weep before. And now here they sat; emotionally drained, and having gotten almost no sleep.
    Anakin stretched his foot out to gently nudge Older Tahiri, causing her to lower her chin back down and look at him.
    “Why don’t you go back and get some more rest. Tahiri and I need to talk and I’ve got to meet with Luke.”
    Younger Tahiri sat up, an expression Anakin knew all too well, and frankly, feared, on her face.
    “If you think for a moment, Anakin Solo,” she whispered harshly, “that you’re doing any talking to Luke without me…”
    To Anakin’s surprise, Older Tahiri cut her off.
    “Tahiri, you have to back down and let him handle this. And you can’t say or do anything that could lead to anyone knowing about me or changes could happen too soon and I won’t be able to get back. Believe it or not I’ve got tons more to tell you both.” Leaning forward, pinning Tahiri with her glare, she said, “especially you.”
    “Why me?”
    “Because if we aren't able to save him, and you are left alone, we want to avoid you having to go through some of the things I went through.”
    “The melding?”
    “Among other things.”
    Younger Tahiri sank into herself and nodded, surprising Anakin. He’d never seen her give in to anyone so easily, but then, he realized, this was hardly easy. And besides, she was giving into herself, so it sort of didn't count.
    The three sat in silence for a moment more before Older Tahiri broke it. “You’re right Anakin, I’m exhausted, and I’m not going to be any good to you if I can’t think straight, but before I go, we need to figure out what you two are going to do today. I’ll come back tonight but you can’t just hang out while I’m gone, and you have to act normal.”
    “Normal?” Anakin asked, incredulously.
    “Well, you know what I mean. Today you all continue plotting out the mission points for what happens on the Lady Luck and work on programming Lando’s droids.”
    Anakin closed his eyes for a while, could almost feel the Tahiris scrutiny, could almost feel the worry and fear.
    “Anakin?” They asked in unison, and he chuckled quietly because the inflection was identical.
    “Sorry. I was thinking about Jacen.”
    “What about Jacen?” They asked, in unison again.
    “Okay, you guys are freaking me out. Could you like, take turns talking or something?” They all laughed at that, though Anakin noted that there was a slightly more hysterical note to his Tahiri’s tone. Anakin pulled her back against his chest and rubbed her back as he continued. “It seems to me that on some level Jacen figures heavily into all possible futures. Whether it’s screwing with the battle meld, or insisting that Lomi and Welk be brought along, or his inability to listen to me. But at the same time, we can’t kick him off the team, at least not yet.”
    Older Tahiri had drawn her knees up to her chest and was listening intently. “And?” She prompted.
    “Maybe if I can impress upon him, upon everyone really, how important some of the things you told me are, I can head off some of the problems before we leave. We can still take the same team members, we won’t have made any significant changes yet; you can still find your way back…”
    “In theory.”
    “In theory. It’s worth a shot.”
    Younger Tahiri sat back up and turned to Anakin. “What if you suggest the meld, and him being in charge of it, now? Don’t wait until you two are at each other’s throats and Jaina comes up with it. Maybe if you make it seem like he’s doing you this great favor, that you can’t survive without, he’ll cool his jets and not be so self-righteous.”
    “She has a point.” Older Tahiri said. “If he feels valued from the beginning… it could work. I’ve always wondered if Jacen not feeling appreciated enough was a major part of his issues.”
    Anakin sat shaking his head. “And by making this suggestion today, I change what came before. We really should face the fact that you may not be coming back. I mean the very fact that you've told us all you have may have changed the future enough already.”
    They sat silent for a moment, looking from one to another, Anakin feeling so saddened at the prospect that these could be their final seconds together.
    “Tahiri,” Younger Tahiri finally said, “if you aren't able to make it back, if we don’t see you again, I want you to know how much I appreciate what you've done for us, and how sorry I am for what you've been through.”
    “Me too,” Anakin added. “If how I feel is anything to go by, I know he loved you, and I know this may seem strange to you, but I love you too, and I can’t thank you enough for what you’re trying to do for us.”
    A small sob escaped Older Tahiri, and when her second attempt to thank them failed, she simply smiled and nodded her head. Finally she pulled herself together and said, “I have a lot more to share with you, so try not to screw anything up today so I can’t get back. Oh; and no messing around tonight. You guys take forever, which is fabulous when you’re the one actually doing it, not so great when you’re waiting for you to finish.”
    Anakin sat stunned as Older Tahiri began to fade before his eyes, could feel Younger Tahiri’s chagrin and amazement, though given what they’d just heard, and watching a human being disappear, being ribbed about their love making really shouldn't have affected them.
    “Tahiri…”
    “Yes, Anakin?”
    “That all just happened, didn't it?”
    “Yes, Anakin.”
    “So, you walked a cross time for me.”
    Tahiri grinned, and leaned into him, rubbing the tip of her nose against his. “I guess I owed you. You’d already walked across a planet for me.”
    “So we’re not just like… two ships passing in the night.”
    “I’d say not. Much more serious than that.” She smiled slightly, brushing her lips lightly against his.
    “Speaking of serious,” Anakin sighed.
    “Yeah. That was some really kriffed up stuff she said.”
    “Even with her helping us, it’s going to be a whole lot worse than we thought it was going to be.”
    “If you don’t mind, I’d like to live in denial for a few more minutes.”
    “Mmmm. Long enough for a quickie?”
    “Yes, please. Just not so quick I don’t forget what I’m trying to forget.”
    Anakin nodded, and kissed the tear that slipped down Tahiri’s cheek before leaning her back onto the floor.
    “I think people are waking up.” Anakin warned slowly, as he trailed kisses down her neck, and passed her collarbone.
    “You know what? I honestly don’t care,” she sighed.
    Pushing his weight back up to his hands and knees, Anakin looked deeply into Tahiri’s eyes. “No matter what happens, you have to know, I love you.”
    Nodding slowly, and reaching up to smooth that lock of hair away from his eye, Tahiri whispered, “I do know, and I love you too.”
    I Love You More Than You'll Ever Know/Al Kooper
     
    Nyota's Heart and gaarastar58 like this.
  7. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Chapter 3
    You're my world, you’re every breath I take…
    Anakin felt, for the third time in as many days, a sense of otherness; of unreality, as though he were not truly himself, but another being, observing the gathering before him from an alien body.What was happening before him was absurd, and he simply couldn't believe they were getting away with it.He was watching Tahiri, his Tahiri, sixteen year old Tahiri, not the time traveling, flow-walking, former Sith version who had been manipulated by his psychotic brother, but his actual Tahiri, lie like a champ to a room full of Jedi.
    And they were eating up every last word.
    He had to hand it to her, as disturbing as this was; she was good. But then, she had to be. And she had spent hours going over this stuff.
    The Tahiris weren’t messing around when it came to the prospect of keeping him alive; they had become very methodical and business like. Younger Tahiri had been taking copious notes while Older Tahiri continued her narrative of the ‘last time’ and all that had gone wrong.
    This particular idea, the one Younger Tahiri was currently selling like fresh sura fruit on a hot day, was Older Tahiri’s, and though painfully obvious once she’d thought of it, had only come to her during one of her rest periods the day before. She had reasoned that since none of the other Jedi had ever asked - or seemed to really care - about her shaping, and she had never volunteered anything beyond a very basic debriefing, that Younger Tahiri and Anakin had a free pass to use all of Older Tahiri’s knowledge of the ‘past’ and act like they knew some of what was in store for the Strike Team based on Younger Tahiri’s implanted ‘crèche’ training’. The reality was that Younger Tahiri would have had no idea what she was talking about, but at this stage of the game, none of the three of them were inclined to let ‘reality’ stand in the way of getting stuff done.
    There was no specific protocol for ‘breaking’ that any of the castes or domains used, so Tahiri, or Riina, wouldn't have learned anything about that while she was ‘growing up’ on a world ship, as she now claimed. No problem there. The Tahiris just made that part up and went with it figuring the more information they could impart, the better prepared the team would be.
    In horrid detail, Younger Tahiri explained that in group settings it wasn't the person being hurt that the inflicter was really trying to get information from; it was the ones sitting around listening to their screams that they were hoping to make talk, in an effort to protect their companions. Also, just for fun, the team members would likely be pinned down, with blorash jelly or something, facing away from the action, left to wonder what was being done to the person being abused. The Yuuzhan Vong relied on the imagination of the listener to conjure up far worse abuse than even they could think of. Just to get the point across, and because Younger Tahiri was beginning to develop a real dislike for Jacen, she asked him to imagine what would go through his mind if he were bound to the floor, with Tenel Ka behind him, out of eyesight, screaming in agony, being taunted by the enemy.
    Raynar broke the tension by commenting that it seemed odd that the Yuuzhan Vong would be so methodical and slavish to their interrogation methods, and doubted the accuracy of Tahiri’s information. She simply acted put out, not hard for her, and told him that she didn't think to ask the shapers why they implanted the information they did while they were torturing her, and that if he didn't believe her, he certainly didn't have to listen. No one else was stupid enough to question her and Anakin assumed that it had less to do with doubts about Tahiri’s information than the futility of debating her claims.
    The Voxyn was an easier matter to address, and certainly, for the team members, to hear. Though the Jedi present didn't know it, the beasts hadn't existed yet during Tahiri’s captivity, nor had Mezhan Kwaad or Nen Yim been involved in their shaping. In fact, most of the information the team would ever have had been gathered by Cilghal at Eclipse. And while it had been Tenel Ka who had initially posed the theory that the Voxyn were clones of a single specimen, Tahiri was offering a sudden wealth of knowledge that backed up all that the Jedi had learned, reinforcing their suspicions, only adding a few new pieces of information. When asked why she was just now coming forth with all this, she explained that she had repressed memories of her time in the damutek due to the pain of the whole experience and it was during her and Anakin’s recent ‘meditation’ sessions that she was able to recover the information that she was sharing.
    A moment after the words ‘meditation sessions’ were out of Tahiri’s mouth, Anakin caught the gist of a whispered conversation between Ganner and Raynar about needing to pay up, and Raynar’s response that ‘meditating’ didn't necessarily mean they were ‘meditating’, and besides, it depended on whether or not Anakin and Tahiri had started ‘meditating’ before or after they left the Errant Venture that determined whether Raynar owed Ganner or Zekk. The out of body feeling Anakin had been having vanished in an instant, replaced by rage, and an animal protectiveness for Tahiri. Anakin felt a sudden stiffening in the two seats behind him; clearly Ganner and Raynar sensed that they had been overheard and both were waiting for the eruption from him. But the eruption didn’t come, instead Anakin took a breath, calmed himself and looked back up at Tahiri, who had stopped talking and was looking at him, eyes squinted. She had felt the emotional surge and was waiting to see what was going on.
    Anakin nodded his head, saying, “Sorry, I just had a thought, we can discuss it later. But in the meantime, we've probably gone over all this enough. Why don’t we go on to the religious stuff; the shamed ones and the twin thing; I’m sure Jaina and Jacen in particular will be interested in that.”
    He knew Tahiri didn’t believe him, he hadn't even attempted to cover his lie in their bond, and that in and of itself would tell her that whatever it was that had set him off he would let her in on later.
    Nodding slightly, Tahiri turned back to the group and, addressing Luke specifically, who was sitting three seats over from her, began reciting tales of Gods that had dismembered themselves, rumors of a heretical movement among the shamed ones, the possibility that Anakin and Tahiri could be at the center of it, and finally, twins, and why Jaina and Jacen, Jedi twins of a Jedi twin, may be of extra special significance to their soon to be captors.
    The assembled team had heard about the shamed ones story when Anakin, Tahiri and Corran had returned from Yag D’hul, so that wasn't new, but the claim that it may be of importance during the mission was, and completely fabricated by Older Tahiri. There was no reason to believe that the shamed ones on the world ship they were headed for, which Anakin and Tahiri were careful not to refer to by name, would have heard the story of the Jedi Who Was Shaped and The Jedi Who Stood With Yua Vuuang, but the team didn’t know that, and what they didn’t know could come in handy later on. Older Tahiri had thought that if Anakin did wind up hurt, or if for any other reason the team needed to hide, as they had last time, then their believing that they could trust shamed ones would save time. It was flimsy, but they’d take flimsy over nothing any day.
    Anakin phased in and out of listening to Tahiri recite information and answer questions, all of which he’d heard before, and thought more about what he had just overheard and what that meant to the team.
    He and Older Tahiri, on the night she had first appeared, had pondered whether anyone had known about the extent of their relationship. They had ultimately decided that it didn’t matter, but Anakin thought now that it did.
    Respect.
    That was the issue here, and Anakin knew exactly why it was important.
    According to Older Tahiri, on the last mission there had been considerable discord in the meld and the group had broken down three ways; those who followed Anakin, those who followed Jacen, and those who made their own decisions based on their own feelings regarding a given order. If the Jedi were so lacking in respect for him that they would make base comments and entertain themselves by placing bets about his sex life, what did that say about their willingness to follow his command? Did they think he was behaving irresponsibly with Tahiri? Did they feel he was making inappropriate choices? Were they more likely to follow his holier than thou brother based on their own prejudices and how they thought Anakin and Tahiri should be conducting themselves privately? It was possible that none of these things had anything to do with each other, but it was also possible that it was all tied together. It was possible that this was an example of a situation where Anakin was making a choice that the others would not make themselves and could therefore have an effect on their willingness to follow his lead.
    And why would the team members lack respect for his relationship with Tahiri? Because they saw him as a ‘little brother’, didn’t know Tahiri, and they didn’t understand the magnitude of what they were looking at.
    It had struck Anakin a couple of days earlier, whilst listening to the Tahiris plot out the next few weeks of his life, that they were engaging in a very intricate, and carefully strategic, game of psychological warfare; them against anyone who wasn't Anakin; winner take all. They were effectively manipulating the team members by supplying the right information to keep Anakin alive. They certainly didn’t want to cause harm to any of the others, but no one else was as important as he was.
    At one point their seemingly obsessive devotion to him frightened him a bit, but then he sat back and tried to put himself in their shoes and felt like his chest would cave in.
    He was all Younger Tahiri had in the galaxy. No one loved her but him. There were people who cared somewhat, there where even people who would mourn her if she died, he supposed, but there was no one else who truly and deeply loved her, and she certainly wasn't the center of anyone else’s existence. No one but him would have a hard time facing a day without her in it and it was losing that love that had driven Older Tahiri to what she was now; a convicted felon who had dabbled in Sithdom and murdered people so she could see glimpses of him in back flashes.
    He had eventually realized that Tahiri’s devotion, his Tahiri’s, was not so frightening after all, because it was exactly what he felt for her; there was nothing that he wouldn't do to keep her safe, nothing he wouldn't sacrifice. If told he had to choose between Tahiri and his family, as much as he would wish he didn’t have to make the choice, he’d choose Tahiri. If faced with saving her or any member of the team, he’d choose her, without thinking twice.
    So why had the other Anakin taken the amphistaff for Jaina? Because he didn’t realize what he was doing; what he was ultimately giving up. And when that mistake was compounded by his youthful brashness and the team’s sabotage by Lomi Plo and Welk, he ended up sacrificing the one thing he wanted never to sacrifice; his love.
    And again, how did this all tie together? It all tied together because not a single member of the team felt about anyone else the way Anakin and Tahiri felt about each other. They would not see the intimacy that they shared as anything other than two horny teenagers engaging in ruckus physical activity while the grownups weren’t looking. They wouldn't see Anakin’s and Tahiri’s private life as an expression of deep love and commitment, or a precursor to formal marriage, which they had already planned. The others did not understand the significance of their commitment to each other and therefore didn’t take it seriously. And if the others didn’t take their actions within their relationship seriously, would they take their actions regarding this mission seriously?
    Did any of them take any of this seriously? How could they? They likely all saw this mission the way they saw Anakin’s and Tahiri’s relationship. They didn’t understand. They were all naive, unprepared, and idealistic, and Anakin was beginning to think that his father was right and Luke was an idiot for letting them go. It was no wonder that the last mission had been such a kluster kriff from the start. Anakin had to wonder if it was better that he had Older Tahiri to guide him through it this time, or if ignorance again would have been bliss.
    Rubbing his hands down his face, Anakin realized that Older Tahiri had been right once again while trying to guide him in writing his notes for tonight’s speech, the last one before they boarded the Lady Luck in the morning.
    They were going to go over the meld again. They were going to talk about respect and authority, and about making hard choices and following orders. They were going to revisit the fact that on this mission Anakin’s word was law and that if anyone thought for one second that he or she might not be able to do exactly what he said when he said it without thinking twice then they were staying behind, and then Anakin was going to drop the big bomb that Older Tahiri had made him promise to save for last: they were going to discuss what they would do if they felt or found any other Force sensitives on the World Ship once they got there.
    You Are My World, You're Every Breath I Take/Bindi, Paoli and Sigman
     
    Nyota's Heart likes this.
  8. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    I was wondering about your enthusiasm! But thank you!
     
  9. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Chapter 4
    The Power Of Goodbye
    Anakin lay on his back on his bed, his head in Younger Tahiri’s lap, his legs across Older Tahiri’s. It was yet another experience in surreal-ness, but he was starting to get used to it, and wondered how he would adapt to having only one Tahiri again. At least he wouldn't have to listen to them lecture him in unison anymore; that had to be good thing.
    He glanced up at the chrono on his desk; ten more minutes 'til evening meal. It was time for Older Tahiri to say good-bye.
    Taking a deep breath, Older Tahiri rubbed Anakin’s shin, then lifted his legs off her own and stood up, stretching. Anakin idly wondered if that was a nervous gesture; did flow-walkers need to stretch?
    She turned to face the bed and Anakin stood to join her. Ignoring the awkwardness, he wrapped her in a tight hug. She melted into him, and he tucked her head under his chin, swaying slightly as he stroked her hair. After a moment, he pulled back and placed a long, chaste kiss on her lips, then lifted his mouth and kissed her scarred forehead.
    Looking deeply into her eyes, he said, “Thank you. I really can’t think of anything else to say, except maybe, I know he loves you, and I know he’s going to be so very happy to see you when this is all done.”
    She smiled slightly, her lip trembling as she said, “I hope you’re right. He’s going to be so upset with some of the stuff I’ve done.”
    Shaking his head, Anakin smiled, brushed her hair behind her ear and said, “He’ll forgive you.”
    “Thank you. You’re not my Anakin, but you’re a wonderful man, and I’m really grateful that we've had this time together.”
    “Me too. For more than just the obvious reasons.”
    Younger Tahiri stood up to join them and her older self turned to face her, then hugged her hard and sighed again before stepping back and cupping her face.
    “Remember; there is no right or wrong choice, only the one you can live with.”
    Younger Tahiri burst into tears and wrapped her arms back around Older Tahiri, holding her so tight Anakin thought she’d crush her. Older Tahiri stroked her head and rubbed her back before pulling away again and forcing Younger Tahiri to look back up.
    “You are far stronger than you think, and you are going to have to be far stronger than that, but you’ll be okay, no matter what choice you make. I promise.”
    “Okay.”
    “Now, have a good life. If I run into you again and you've kriffed this up, we’re going to have words.”
    Younger Tahiri snorted a laugh, causing Older Tahiri to laugh with her, and they both made slightly helpless gestures. Anakin watched them, wondering how strange this must be. How do you say goodbye to yourself?
    Stepping back from them, Older Tahiri tilted her head slightly to one side and smiled. “Goodbye Anakin and Tahiri. May the Force be with you both.”
    “May the Force be with too.” They whispered in return, but before they had finished, she was gone.
    The sudden silence was deafening, until Tahiri burst into sobs again, and Anakin reached over and pulled her body into his, holding her tightly until she calmed down.
    When she was almost quiet he asked; “Are you going to tell me what that was all about?”
    Looking up at him, Tahiri traced a line across his forehead, moving the lock of hair that was hanging over his eye. “Not yet. I need to go to my room and meditate for a while.”
    “No evening meal?”
    “No. Go ahead without me. I’ll see you at the meeting.”
    “Why am I suddenly feeling nervous?”
    Taking a deep breath, and chuckling softly, Tahiri answered; “That’s the dumbest question you've asked me in ages.”
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Anakin looked out at the faces of the strike team members, the older Jedi, his parents, Lando, Tendra… contemplating how to begin. If he started off too heavy-handed, he risked alienating some of the team, if he was too soft, appeared to be asking them to obey, he risked losing their respect.
    There was that word again.
    He turned back to the display behind him, and stared at the sea of stars. The hologram was decorated with Fleet ships strategically placed around the galaxy, showing where the various battles were being waged, what sectors the Vong had control of. It was a disheartening sight, but offered a glimpse of reality he hoped wasn't lost on his audience.
    Pointing to where they would be heading, he began: “We know that the transfer will happen somewhere near Obra-Skai. Hopefully, we will only be held by the Vong for two to three days before we are able to take the ship.”
    Turning back to the assemblage, he continued. “With the information that Tahiri has been able to give us, we have a fairly good understanding of what we may be in for during that time, though we aren't certain. What is certain is that this is a dangerous mission. Perhaps the most dangerous mission that any Jedi of our generation, or the one before us, has undertaken.
    “As with all missions, things are going to go wrong, things will happen that we cannot possibly plan for. For this reason, we have leaders. For this reason, we choose a person to make decisions in times of uncertainty. For this mission, I am that person, so I ask you, and you must ask yourself; do you trust me?”
    Anakin paused to look a few of the team members in the eye; Raynar, Ganner, Zekk, his brother.
    “I am the person who came up with the idea, approved the final plans, okay-ed the minor details. I decided who would participate and what their roles would be. I am in command.
    “For the next several days, I am nobody’s little brother, I am nobody’s friend, I am nobody’s boyfriend. I am not the guy you went to the academy with, or the guy you eat midday meal with. I am your team leader and what I say goes. If there is a decision to be made I make it, if there is a question to be answered, I answer it, and if I want your opinion, I’ll ask for it. If, for any reason, you think, suspect, or have thought, that you may not be able to jump when I say jump, now is the time to speak up. If between now and the time that the transfer actually takes place, I feel, for any reason, that your presence will hinder the success of this mission, I will not hesitate to leave you behind.”
    Pausing again to gauge everyone’s reactions, Anakin was interested to find that the person most intrigued by his speech was Mara, and the one most dismayed was Luke. He doubted his uncle had ever laid down the law like this before a mission; his pre-briefs had likely all consisted of ‘okay guys, let’s go get the baddies’. Anakin was probably being slightly unfair, but he was feeling a little under-prepared and since Luke was his Master, he found himself fighting an internal battle to not find a little fault there.
    Focusing again on the group, he continued, “I want you to look around at what you see, who you see. Not your friends, but your fellow knights, and I want you to think about this; it is highly unlikely that we will all be coming home. When we are out there alone, with no back up, and no hope of anyone swooping in to rescue us, if someone questions my authority, or causes us to stop and debate an action, the chances of one of us falling increases. Every time we waver, or falter, we up the odds of failure. So I ask again; do you trust me? Do you trust my judgment and ability to lead this mission?”
    The room was tense and deathly silent, and Anakin felt, thankfully, that the things he was saying, the points he was trying to make, were beginning to sink in.
    “You may not always agree with or understand my orders; you don’t have to. Your responsibility- your only responsibility- is to follow them. I may make mistakes, although I highly doubt it.” This brought a nervous laugh and he smiled.“But the question isn’t whether I will make a mistake, the question is whether you are able to put your ego aside and do as you’re told.
    “Here is another issue that you need to get straight in your heads and in your hearts: I had Tahiri explain in graphic detail the conditions on the worldship for a very specific reason; you cannot be so shocked by what you see that you are unable to perform your jobs. There will be slaves and prisoners all around us; there may even be other Force sensitives held specifically for the purpose of training the Voxyn. There will be thousands of beings who would benefit greatly from our help.
    “We will not be giving it to them.
    “We can’t.
    “There are seventeen of us. Seventeen of us who are relying on our brains, luck and the Force to succeed in our mission and make it out alive. If we manage that, then we will be able to rescue others, we will be able to fight the Vong in other places, in other ways.
    "If we fail in this mission, not only will we be of no use to those aboard that worldship, we will be of no use to the rest of the peoples of this galaxy because we will not be around to guide or to lead or to fight.We will not be around to help anyone.
    “If we squabble, if we allow petty differences and distrust to rule our actions, we will fail, we will die, and the Voxyn will continue to hunt the people we love. If we focus, if we use the meld wisely, if we are in harmony with the Force and with each other, we can do this. We will do this.”
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Anakin was shoving the last of his things into a duffel bag to store on the Falcon when he felt Tahiri coming down the hall, then heard his door hiss open and her slip into his room.
    She’d been quiet since this afternoon, since before Older Tahiri had left. At first he thought she was sad that the other woman was leaving, knowing that once she was gone it was only a matter of time before she would die. But as the day, and then the evening, wore on, he’d realized that something else was going on—she wasn't just 'quiet’, she was quiet in the Force, quiet in their bond.
    Turning around and sitting on the edge of the bed, he held his arm out to her and she slipped between his knees, hugging his head to her chest. She stroked his hair, kissed the top of his head, and then pulled back and looked down at him, a small, sad smile on her lips. She cupped his face and ran her thumbs over his cheekbones.
    “Tell me.” He said it softly, but with every expectation of being answered immediately.
    She nodded slowly and began to cry silently, then whispered, “I’m so sorry, Anakin. I don’t know how it happened.” He watched as she took his hand from where it rested on her hip and placed it low over her abdomen and opened back up to him. She reached out through their bond and guided him in, showing him what she clearly couldn't bring herself to say out loud.
    He looked back up, speechless, shocked. They starred at each other for a long moment before Tahiri finally sniffed and began to explain.
    “She told me this afternoon. She didn’t realize until the morning before the transfer. She never told her Anakin, she was waiting. She was afraid it would distract him, she was afraid… of everything. And she always regretted not telling him.”
    Closing his eyes, he let his shoulders sink forward, and rested the crown of his head against Tahiri’s stomach. “There is no right or wrong choice, only the one you can live with,” he echoed, remembering Older Tahiri’s cryptic comment from earlier. He took a deep breath and looked back up. “Thank you for not waiting.”
    “How could I?” She whispered though more tears.
    “She did.”
    “I’d like to think I’ve gained some wisdom through her mistakes.”
    “You obviously have. I think we both have.” After a moment he worked up the nerve to ask; “What happened to their baby?”
    Tahiri wiped the tears from her cheeks, and calmed her breathing. “She miscarried on Borelias. With everything else going on, no one noticed.”
    No one noticed.
    The words sank like a chunk of duracrete to the pit of his stomach as they continued to stare at each other. Finally, Anakin scooted over on the bed, and pulled Tahiri down to lie next to him, then he slid down her body, pushed up her shirt, and rested his head over where their child lay.
    “He’s so bright, but so small.”
    “I know; he’s tiny. I guess that’s why I didn’t feel him, why she didn’t feel him until after they left.”
    “And that’s why she kept closing herself off to the meld when they were trying to break her?”
    “Yeah. She said that she thought the only reason he didn’t pick up on it was that he was so focused on the mission, but in the meld, if she lost control or let herself slip… she was afraid of what her Anakin would do if he felt him.”
    Anakin pushed the all too familiar image of Tahiri being held under a Voxyn out of his mind. Imaginary or not, it had already been haunting him, but now…
    Scooting back up so he could look into her eyes, he placed his fingers under her chin and lifted her face, but she refused to meet his gaze.
    “Tahiri…”
    “Don’t say it,” she whimpered.
    “You can’t go with me.”
    “I know,” she sobbed out.
    He held her to him, stroking her hair, letting her pour out all her frustration, knowing he could do nothing to help her but hold her. Knowing he could only hold her for a few more hours.
    When she could finally speak again, she asked, “What are we going to do?” Anakin didn’t answer right away, so she continued; “of all the times for you to be quiet, this is not a good one. I need you to talk to me.”
    “Well,” he began, “it’s not like we weren’t already going to do this, we’re just on an accelerated schedule now.”
    “Accelerated schedule?” she barked out.
    “Hey; you’re the one who wanted an answer right away. If you’d given me a minute I might have had time to come up with something better.”
    “I’m being serious.”
    “So am I.” After a moment he tried again. “Okay, look at me and I’ll tell you what we’re going to do.” She did as he said, and he kissed her nose, then wiped her tears away. “You are going to stay here and keep our son safe, because it might have been the strain of the mission that caused her to lose her baby. I’m going to go and get rid of this kriffing Voxyn; then I’m going to come back and we’re going to get married - in a way that is acceptable to both you and my family, although redundant as far as I’m concerned - just like we planned, and then we’re going to live happily ever after.”
    “Says the son of a princess.”
    “That wasn't the right answer either?”
    “Sweet, just not very practical. There’s a galactic war going on. I’ve religiously taken birth control meds yet I’m magically pregnant, and you’re talking about ‘accelerated schedules’ and unrealistic happy endings.”
    “It’s the will of the Force? You know… Will is a good name.”
    Tahiri’s mouth fell open. “You’re Space Happy.”
    “I’m in love.”
    Throwing Anakin’s arm off of her waist, Tahiri stood up and began to pace in front of the bed. She stopped as he sat up, then grabbed her head, running her fingers through her hair and squeezing, as though she’d could dig into her own brain and pull the answers she was looking for out of there. She finally gave up, and just moaned, before looking Anakin in the eye again.
    “You may have cracked under the strain of prepping for a mission you may not come back from and I’ve never been so scared in my life. Will you please tell me what we’re really going to do?”
    “We are going to have a baby.”
    “Yes, Anakin, we've covered that part, what else are we going to do?
    “Need I remind you that…”
    “Oh brother,” Tahiri sighed, dropping her hands to her hips and rolling her eyes. “Why should tonight be any different than the last three hundred?”
    Anakin chuckled before continuing, “... that mutual agreement of two participants over the age of fourteen is all that is required for legality of matrimony in forty-two percent of New Republic star systems. We’re already married, my darling wife, so that’s one thing taken care of.”
    “That’s very cute and romantic when you’re trying to get my clothes off,” Tahiri said. Anakin bit down on his lower lip to hold in his laugh, but any humor he felt wilted when she glared at him. “But,” she continued, a fair amount of venom in her voice, “since your family don’t come from any of those forty-two percent they aren't going to agree and still doesn't answer my question. And I like that you've already chosen his name, my adored husband.”
    “Technicality - we’re married. And what’s wrong with Will Solo?”
    “If we’re really married, then why are we maintaining the innocent boyfriend-girlfriend facade? They’re going to hate me for doing this to you. There’s nothing wrong with Will, I’d just liked to have been consulted in the decision. And why isn’t Veila in there?”
    “What’s important is that you and I believe it, and not telling them yet has made our day-to-day lives easier.
    “Will Veila Solo…” he mused. “That’s a lot of L’s but if it makes you happy, I’m good. And they will not hate you. They may be upset in the beginning.” At her look he amended that comment. “Okay, they’ll go nova, but what difference does it make? What are they going to do? Ground me? Put me on curfew? Take my X-wing away? I can only fight in space battles before evening meal, but with no more than two hundred coral skippers? Forbid me from spending time in your room? That’d be like closing the hangar door after the squadron’s broken atmosphere. Of course my punishment wouldn't be instated until after I’m back from commanding a mission behind enemy lines.”
    Tahiri stared at Anakin, eyes wide. She’d probably never heard him say so many words in a row.
    And he wasn't even finished.
    “The point is they’ll get over it eventually, and in the end they will love our son and they will forgive us and they all know enough about biology to know that you didn’t do anything to me,” Anakin gave her a roguish grin, “or, at least not anything I didn’t really, really want you to do.”
    “Not funny.” As the words came out of her mouth, a pillow flew from the end of the bed and hit Anakin in the side of the head.
    He was angry in an instant, and stood up and marched the few steps over to her, their height difference forcing Tahiri to lift her chin to continue glaring at him.
    “Alright, you want me to be serious?” He almost yelled.
    “It’s about time,” she spat back.
    “Fine. I’m leaving on a supremely fracked up mission in less than 12 hours and as much as I didn’t want you to go, I hate that I have to leave you behind. And the reason I have to leave you behind is because I need you to keep yourself safe because you’re carrying my child. I’m going to have to tell my parents that I’m going to be a father, and I’m not going to be able to spend the next couple of weeks with the woman I love while she, and I, deal with the fact that we are going to be parents, years earlier than we planned, during a galactic war against an enemy that is bent on our annihilation, and I’m more frightened than I’ve ever been in my life. Is that serious enough for you Tahiri?”
    Tahiri closed her eyes and nodded miserably. “Yeah.”
    Anakin sighed and muttered yet another expletive, then pulled her back over to the bed. They landed in a heap on the mattress, Anakin wrapping his arms and legs around her, pulling her tight against his body, cocooning her with his limbs, protecting her and their baby in the only way he could for the moment.
    “Do you trust me?”
    Tahiri inhaled sharply, and looked up at him, seemingly stunned that he would even ask such a thing. “Of course.”
    “Have I ever been wrong?”
    This time she arched an eyebrow at him. “You've come horrifyingly close more times than I can count.”
    “But never actually been wrong.”
    “What’s your point?”
    “We’ll be okay,” he said gently.
    Tahiri looked at him suspiciously for a moment, but finally nodded then tucked her head back under his chin.
    “You have to keep him safe while I’m gone.”
    “I know.”
    “And when I get home we’ll figure out what we’re really going to do, but right now, I have to adjust to the fact that I’m leaving alone in the morning and I need to hold you.”
    “Okay.”
    They lay still and quiet for a long time, open to each other in the Force, basking in the comfort they both felt there, until Tahiri broke the silence.
    “Anakin?” she whispered.
    “Yeah?”
    “What if it wasn't the mission that caused her to lose the baby?”
    Anakin pressed his lips to her forehead, buying himself time to respond, because he had thought about that already but hadn't come up with an answer. In truth, he knew next to nothing about human gestation and, despite his earlier statement, couldn't begin to guess whether or not the mission had anything to do with why Older Tahiri had lost her baby, but as soon as he’d felt his son, an instinctual urge to protect him, and his current place of residence, had risen in Anakin hard and fast. He’d been searching from the start of the mission planning, in a very conflicted sort of way, for a way to leave Tahiri behind and this seemed like as good a reason as any so he’d gone with it. The fact that she hadn't fought him told him that they were making the right choice; not just the one they could both live with.
    But that still didn’t tell him how to answer her question. Uncharacteristically, she let it drop, and Anakin was way too smart, and way to well-versed in Tahiri, to question his good fortune.
    “You know,” she whispered, “if you had asked me this morning what the last thing in the galaxy I wanted right now was, a baby would have been pretty close to the top of the list, and I’ve only known about him for a few hours, but I’m already terrified of losing him.”
    “I know. And as Luke-ish as this sounds…”
    Tahiri’s giggle made Anakin’s chest swell, relieving the pressure that had begun to build the second he’d felt the tiny glow inside her and realized what it was - what it meant. He buried his nose in her hair, breathing her in, memorizing the smell of her, painfully aware of the fact that they were about to be apart for longer than they had been since before Yavin.
    “As Luke-ish as this sounds…” he finally continued, though quieter this time, “all we can do right now is trust the Force.”
    “Hmmm. You’re right. And you know, it probably seems ridiculous, but I’m already having fantasies of what he’ll be like.”
    “That’s funny, I’m having fantasies of little plastasteel hydrospanners and remote control x-wings.”
    “Why does that not surprise me?”
    “Because you know me so well.” Anakin paused, then grew serious again. “You’re young and healthy and you’re not going to be put through what she was, there is no reason to think that the same thing will happen.”
    Tahiri didn’t answer, just nodded her head into his neck and sniffed. A few more minutes passed before she asked, “Anakin?”
    “Yes, my love.”
    “Please, please, come back to us.”
    “I will. I promise you, I will come back.”
    The Power Of Goodbye/Rick Nowels and Madonna
     
    Nyota's Heart likes this.
  10. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    Love this thoughtful yet playful and loving Anakin. Older Tahiri is so wise and the younger one is just herself. She has Anakin wrapped and I wouldn't have it any other way. I love the strong forthright speech he gave to the team. :) Absolutely essential laying the ground rules like that for everyone's survival.
     
  11. Force Smuggler

    Force Smuggler Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Sep 2, 2012
    Oh man. Great story!
    Keep going!
    Love Anakin and Tahiri!
     
    Nyota's Heart likes this.
  12. star_writer24

    star_writer24 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 15, 2006
    Oh thank God you are reposting this lol! Missed you Preggars! So glad to see you here!
     
    Nyota's Heart likes this.
  13. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    OMG!!! star_writer24!!!!

    I accidentally found - possibly- everything I've ever written over the last 2 weeks - in three different places and stumbled across a picture of your son (days old at the time) just this morning.

    What is he? 7 now?
     
    Irish_Jedi_Jade likes this.
  14. star_writer24

    star_writer24 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Aug 15, 2006
    He's 6 lol! He has a younger darthsithter knocking on 3 as well. So glad you kept your writing! I lost or tossed all mine, but the bunnies still play in my head . Anyhow looking forward to anything you choose to post or repost! No pressure ☺️!
     
    pregnantpadme likes this.
  15. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Good Evening,

    Thank you to those of you who have read, and especially those of you who left kind words! It is greatly appreciated.

    Nyota’s Heart

    Oh, I fondly recall this one! One very good reason why epics do not intimidate me! One of the best fixer fics ever! I'll reread this one, with pleasure!
    That is high praise indeed, since there were a number of fixer fics. And I will be very interested to see if it captures you enough o really read it through again!

    Love this thoughtful yet playful and loving Anakin. Older Tahiri is so wise and the younger one is just herself.
    Thank you! One of the joys of writing fic – I think – is getting to explore the other sides of the character’s personalities… because let’s face it, we don’t get enough of that in por fic. Especially when they kill off our faves! As Younger Tahiri said – she’d like to learn by older Tahiri’s mistakes, but thank you for seeing her as so ‘herself’ hearing that my characterization is pleasing makes me happy. Let’s hope you still feel that we in a few chapters.

    I love the strong forthright speech he gave to the team. Absolutely essential laying the ground rules like that for everyone's survival.
    Again… thank the Force for Older Tahiri’s wisdom. Let’s cross our fingers that it helps!



    Force Smuggler -

    Oh man. Great story! Keep going! Love Anakin and Tahiri!
    Thank you! Luckily, This one is finished… I just need to make little tweaks and corrections now that we don’t need mark up codes! I hope you continue to enjoy.



    Star_writer24 -

    *waves frantically*

    Oh thank God you are reposting this lol! Missed you Preggars! So glad to see you here!
    Thank you! I’ve missed being here – I needed the break though. It’s so new and shiny… I’m feeling like an old woman stumbling around trying to figure things out. Thank goodness I have an in house tech team – aka ‘The Kids’. Btw – Big Sither is going to be 16 in a few weeks (and is off in Thailand with friends for the holidays!!!). Darth Toddler is 12 now!!!!! I think I changed his call sign to Darth Little Boy when I was posting Fragile originally – but what to call him now? Darth Tween? He’ll be 13 in April so that wouldn't work for long.

    He's 6 lol!
    NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!Funny thing – after we swapped notes yesterday I ran across those pics again – one of him in his car seat in a little outfit that was like 27 sizes too big… hilarious.The other was just a close up of his perfect little face.

    He has a younger darthsithter knocking on 3 as well.
    I must see pics!

    So glad you kept your writing! I lost or tossed all mine, but the bunnies still play in my head . Anyhow looking forward to anything you choose to post or repost! No pressure
    Tragically – I’ve been totally career and kid focused for the last 5 years. I was working on the original story for a while, but there was only so much of me to spread around so the writing tanked.
    What I’ve really been wanting to do forever is finish Fear and Love. I spoke to an old friend tonight, we were trying to write together for a while, and she offered to help me with that – in terms of beta’ing, inspiring, getting me going again – so maybe that will get done yet.

    Anyway, thanks for checking back in and I can’t wait to hear your thoughts on reading it again.

    working on the final edit for the next post now - hope to have it up in a bit.

    Elle
     
  16. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Chapter 5
    If You Could Only See The Way She Loves Me, Then Maybe You Would Understand



    Anakin and Tahiri stood in silence in the hallway leading out to the hangar, hands clasped tightly together. They’d watched the other team members say goodbye to Luke and Mara and Anakin’s parents, had watched the other masters leave to go back to their work, had felt everyone wonder where they were.

    Moments earlier, Anakin had used his comlink to tell Luke that the others should board, and that he would be along in a moment. His uncle had been mid-sentence, asking what was going on, when Anakin had cut the transmission and wrapped his arms back around Tahiri.

    They’d been up all night, had said everything they could say, had held each other until the very last moment they felt they could get away with, and now here they were: seconds away from saying goodbye.

    Anakin took a deep breath, squeezed Tahiri’s handit felt so small in hisand took the first step into the hangar, pulling her along behind him.

    Mara turned around first, her movement alerting the others to his arrival.

    “There you are.” Lando greeted. “I was beginning to think you’d changed your mind.”

    “I wish.” Han muttered, and Leia leveled him with a sharp look.

    “Sorry,” Anakin offered, but didn’t elaborate.

    Releasing Tahiri’s hand, he hugged Luke and kissed Mara’s cheek, but didn’t say anything to either one of them; he’d already said it all.

    Moving to his parents, he wrapped his mother in a tight hug.

    She reached up and brushed a hand over his hairhe felt like a lot of people were touching his hair lately--and said; “Be careful, Anakin. You and the twins need to keep each other safe.”

    It dawned on him that she hadn't mentioned Tahiri, and that no one had commented on her lack of bags, or that she wasn't saying good-bye to anyonebut now wasn't the time to take his mother to task for thinking only of her children.

    “We will mom. I love you.”

    “I love you too. This is going to be hard, but what you said last night was wonderful and strong, you’re a natural leader. You’re going to do a great job. I know it.”

    Feeling suddenly self-conscious at the praise, he ducked his head and moved over to his dad.

    Han suddenly became very affectionate, and pulled Anakin into a firm hug, then pushed him away and held his shoulders tightly. It was something he had often done during emotional situations, before Chewie…

    “It’s not too late to back out, kid.”

    A stifled sob from Tahiri, standing slightly away from the rest, caused the whole group to jump, and it was only after her whispered, ‘sorry’ that everyone turned back to father and son.

    Han grabbed Anakin’s attention again and continued. “I’m proud of you, and I have faith in you. And I’ll see you soon.”

    Anakin nodded, and looked deeply into his father’s eyes. He could tell by the change in Han's expression that the man recognized that something was going on, then caught the flicker of his father’s gaze toward Tahiri and then back to him.

    Anakin took a breath to steady his nerves and very quietly, but with the force of all the emotion he felt for Tahiri said, “Take care of her. Until I get back.”

    Han Solo was not a dumb man, and his son knew that. Anakin read the understanding on his father’s face; read that his father knew what this was doing to him, and knew that Han would do as he asked.

    Nodding solemnly, he said, “I promise.”

    “Thank you, Dad. I love you.”

    “I love you too, kid.”

    As Anakin turned back toward where Tahiri stood, he felt the equivalent of light bulbs finally begin to go on in the Force. His aunt and uncle were beginning to realize, mentally circling what Han had already figured out, but they were not quite there. It was no wonder his father had been able to keep up with his all Jedi family so easily for thirty years, despite having no ability to touch the Force himself.

    His mother was apparently going to need it spelled out for her.

    With a slight tilt of his head, Anakin beckoned Tahiri forward, and wrapped her in another hug. He cradled her head to his chest and looked over the blond curls at Luke.

    “Tahiri’s presence will hinder the success of this mission.” He wasn't sure how he made his voice sound so clear and steady. “She’s staying behind.”

    Tahiri began to cry earnestly into Anakin’s chest as shock rippled through the Force. Not only were Luke and Mara and his mother stunned by what he’d just said, but Lando stood gaping, as did several of the team members who had come back down the boarding ramp, likely to see what the hold up wasjust in time to hear Anakin’s announcement. If not for Tahiri’s labored breathing, Anakin knew that he’d have been able to hear a pin hit the hangar floor. Reaching out to her in their bond, he tried to soothe her, at least enough so he could say goodbye without falling apart himself, tried not to think about the fact that these could be the final seconds he ever shared with her.

    Turning his head enough to know that he had Jaina, Tesar and Lowie’s attention, he barked, “Get back on board, we leave in five.”

    All three scurried up the ramp, and Anakin suspected that, as difficult as this was, his ‘decision’ to leave Tahiri at Eclipse would go a long way in proving how serious he was about being listened to. It might even help save both their lives.

    Pulling on the Force to steady his emotions, to prepare himself to see the pain and fear in her eyes, Anakin leaned back and cupped Tahiri’s face, bringing her mouth up to meet his. He brushed his lips against hers gently, then felt her hands slide up his chest, slip around his neck, and wind up to the back of his head, pulling him down forcefully, and he almost forgot that his parents were there, but then decided he didn’t care. So what if they’d rarely seen him and Tahiri so much as hold hands, so what if they had no idea what was really going on? Why should he let that stop him from kissing her goodbye, really kissing her goodbye?

    The need for air, rather than any desire to appease his apoplectic mother, forced him to pull away far enough to move his lips to Tahiri’s forehead, then he tucked her hair behind her ears and bent his knees enough for them to be eye level and quietly said, “I have to go.”

    Tahiri nodded and slid her hands back down, nervously pulling on the zipper of Anakin’s flight suit.

    “You’re going to come back,” she whispered.

    “I’m going to come back,” he whispered in return.

    “And we’re going to be okay.”

    “And we’re going to be okay.”

    Anakin leaned in and kissed her again, and smiled against her lips when he felt the reaction from his mother, and then the reaction from his father; apparently dad was feeling somewhat proud. Mom… not so much.

    Straightening back up and stepping away slowly, Anakin pulled Tahiri’s hand up to his mouth and kissed her palm. Suddenly, covering every inch of her that he could reach with his mouth didn’t seem like a bad idea.

    “I love you.”

    More ripples in the Force.

    Really? Anakin thought. With a kiss like that, they didn’t see that coming?

    “I love you too, Anakin,” she answered, and then mouthed, “may the Force be with you.”

    Anakin closed his eyes, reached out and touched his son—briefly, lightly, nothing that anyone but Tahiri would feel; then he shook his head slightly, turned around, and marched toward the boarding ramp.

    When he was half way up Tahiri called out his name, trying to hide the desperation in her voice.

    Ducking back down, Anakin leaned out, giving her a questioning look.

    “Forty-two,” she called out.

    A lancing pain seared his chest, but he smiled broadly as he felt Tahiri's relief, her pleasure at not having made Older Tahiri’s mistake.

    “Forty-two, my love. Forty-two,” he answered back; then blew her a kiss, turned around and continued into the ship, Lando hot on his heels, as the ramp rose and sealed shut.


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


    Tahiri felt a wave of agony wash over her as the thrusters on the Lady Luck engaged, felt her heart lurch as the vessel lifted off the groundand then, in a moment of wild panic as the ship glided toward the hangar door, Older Tahiri’s words came to her: You are far stronger than you know, and you will have to be far stronger than that.

    She could do this, she could be strong, and she could be brave, and she could function like a normal human being until Anakin came home.

    But she had never felt so utterly alone.

    Then, as if by magic, as if he’d heard her thoughts, Anakin’s father stepped to her side, his warmth nearly searing her as he wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Lowering his mouth to her ear, he whispered, “I made my son a promise, and I never break my promises.”

    All her resolve to hold herself together evaporated and she turned and melted into his strong chest, sobbing.

    “It’s okay, kid. I’ll take care of you until he gets back.”


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



    Refugee Camp Outside Ta’a Chume’Dan, Hapes, Hapes System, Inner Rim

    Tahiri sat on a cot in the corner of the tent, propped up against the canvas wall, knees drawn up to her chest, arms crossed.

    She was listening to Jaina and Jacen tearfully recount the mission for Anakin’s parents. For his aunt and uncle.

    Again.

    So many things had gone right this time, different from Older Tahiri’s time.

    They had altered so much with their actions.

    It wasn't Ulaha who had taken the coufee in the back during the transfer; it had been Tesar, and he’d walked it off.

    It hadn't been Eryl who had taken the thud bug in the face, it had been Jovan; Eryl was somewhere in the encampment with the other survivors.

    There were a lot more survivors this time. Anakin had been an excellent leader.

    He had held the group together, through the pain and the fear, through the uncertainty and fatigue.

    They had felt Lomi and Welk early on, and Anakin had made a few of the Jedi concentrate on the calls—Zekk included, who quickly recognized his former Shadow Academy class mates. Then the team had steered clear.

    They’d landed closer to the Tachyon Flier this time, Anakin having claimed that he ‘had a feeling’ about it as they were heading in. Since it was well known that Anakin could ‘feel’ machinery, no one questioned him. They’d reached the craft on the morning of their second day on the worldship, and Anakin had assigned Jaina, Lowie and Zekk the task of making it space worthy. It had kept them out of the fight for a while, but ultimately, Anakin had said, they were doing what was needed for the good of the team.

    In a moment that Jaina and Jacen described in halting wonderment and confusionthey hadn't understood it then, and really never wouldAnakin had leapt across three team members, tackled Alema, pinned her to the ground with his elbow to her chest, and, using her longblaster, which was still attached to the strap slung around her body, blew Vergere to a puff of feathers.

    Anakin’s actions stunned the entire team, none more so then Alema, and his exuberance was lost on everyone—but when, hours later, he was able to point to the altered, and less proficient pattern of tracking behavior by Nom Anor and the warriors, compared to when they had Vergere with them, they had all seen that they were having a much easier time of it since the bird's demise.

    Day three on the world ship was rough. They were tired, they were hungry, and Nom Anor was well aware of what they were after. They’d been taking shifts playing hide and seek with warriors, and taking pot shots at the damutek for nearly twenty hours. They knew they had succeeded in taking out the majority of the cloning samples, but the Queen was being moved.

    On day four Anakin took Ganner, Jacen, Tesar, Tenal Ka, Alema, Bela, Kasov, and Tekli with him on the final hunt for the Queen. Jaina, Zekk, Lowie, Eryl, Ulaha, and Raynar were left to defend the Flier, to be ready to go when the time came, come and get them if necessary.

    After hours of recon, Tesar and ‘the girls’, as Anakin called the Hara Sisters, came back to the hole the hunting group was calling home to tell Anakin that they’d found the Queen’s new location. It was only an hour’s walk away.

    Anakin had a plan within minutes. Bela, Krasov, Tenel Ka and Tekli would head back to the ship; update Jaina and let her know where they were headed. Tesar would lead him, Jacen, Alema, and Ganner to the Queen; they’d take the building, kill the Queen, up close and personal, no guessing, no ‘hoping’, and then get out. He’d assess the situation then and decide whether they’d run back to the ship, or have Jaina pick them up.

    It hadn't been difficult, Jacen said. The Queen was surprisingly lightly guarded. Anakin was suspicious, but wanted to get the job done and get out. It had taken less than an hour.

    Even after the destruction of the Voxyn Queen, the coast seemed clear, so rather than alert the Vong to their location, Anakin decided they’d run to the ship, get as far as they could, only have Jaina take off if she had too. They were almost therethey were less than a kilometer awaywhen they crested a dune and a wall of warriors came rushing up to meet them. They were outnumbered, way outnumbered.

    “It might have been the only mistake Anakin made the whole time; not having Jaina pick us up.” Jacen said.

    Tahiri’s head lolled back, and try as she might, she couldn't hold in the moan that escaped her. Jacen stopped talking, and she vaguely thought that if that was all it was going to take, she’d moan all day, but then she heard his voice again, knew what was coming...

    “We fought them off, a lot of them. But they kept coming. Somehow Anakin managed to comm Jaina, and she got there pretty quick. Zekk and Bela were on the guns and took out a bunch of the warriors, and we finally got close enough to the ship for Alema and Ganner to get aboard. Then we lost Tesar.”

    Tahiri heard Jacen’s voice hitch, heard Leia’s sob and the muffled sound of Han’s voice. It all sounded like it was being filtered through cloth. The worst was coming, and she wanted to close out the sounds, but even when she put her hands to her ears, it still came, so she didn’t bother this time, just pulled her knees in closer, pulled her arms tighter across her chest.

    “There were only three more. I was fighting one, and Anakin was fighting two.”

    “Over achiever.” Mara whispered, and Tahiri sensed pride in her throaty chuckle.

    They were such a warped family.

    “One of his fell.”

    Now Jaina was sobbing, and it was Luke’s muffled noises of comfort that Tahiri heard.

    “I managed to kill the one on me, and turned back to Anakin… but he yelled at me to get on the ship. His back was to me, and I thought he was good… the warrior was covered in blood… Anakin had taken one of his arms already. I thought… I thought he was a second away from finishing up. I jumped up the ramp, Jaina was hovering, the ground was so rocky, and there were pits everywhere… she couldn't set the ship down. Then the ship bucked, Alema and Zekk were firing into the air, coral skippers were coming towards us now. And I fell. And when I looked up, the ship was twenty meters away.

    “I got up, and ran. I thought Anakin must have already gotten there… I jumped back up the ramp. But another coral skipper shot at us, and Jaina had to move farther away from where we were to avoid the plasma fire. She banked back toward where we told her Anakin was, and when we got there he was gone. We were screaming for him… but I couldn't see him. And then there were corals kippers everywhere.

    “We tried to get him on the comm but he didn’t answer. And we couldn't feel him. It was like he was there, but fuzzy, and then we couldn't feel him at all.”

    Tahiri began to rock. She thought she was crying, but she wasn't sure. She had cried so much already and she couldn't tell anymore when some tears stopped and others began. Couldn't tell how much time passed between when her eyes were dry and when her cheeks were wet.

    She was going to hear him tell her again how they left him.

    She was going to hear him tell her again that they did the right thing for the team.

    She was going to hear him tell her again that they did what Anakin would have wanted them to do.

    And he was wrong.

    Anakin had wanted to come home to her and their baby.

    After all they had done; after all that they had changed; Anakin was still gone.

    Tahiri suddenly realized that she was staring into Jacen’s eyes. She hadn't been crying after all. She hadn't made any noise that she could remember, but she also couldn't remember how she had gotten from the cot, where she’d been curled in a ball, to standing in front of Anakin’s brother; the brother Anakin had fought so hard to save.

    Before she registered the command going from her brain to her hand, Tahiri slapped Jacen, the sound loud and thick. All the air seemed to be sucked out of the little refugee tent, the rest of Anakin’s family almost as stunned, as she stooped over his brother.

    Tahiri waited for Jacen to stand back upright, waited for him to look her in the eye again, before she spat out; “He would never have left you.”

    It was Jaina who came to Jacen’s defensetypical, no doubt feeling guilty, as she should, for having piloted the ship that Anakin was supposed to have been on.

    “Leave him alone. You have no idea what you’re talking about.” Jaina yelled.

    “I know exactly what I’m talking about because I know Anakin.” Tahiri yelled back.

    “You don’t know what it was like, you weren’t there. You wouldn't have been able tohandle what we went through, and Anakin knew that, or he wouldn't have left you behind.”

    Tahiri gasped, and then, a hysterical giggled escaped her, and she covered her mouth.

    In the three days since the team had been back, since she’d been told that Anakin was gone, she’d hardly thought about Will - had pushed thoughts of him aside because it was too hard to live in denial of what she was being told and face the reality of what she was going to have to do alone at the same time. But now she allowed the feel of her son to flood through her and embraced him with her mind, apologizing for neglecting him, then released a long breath.

    “Is that what you think?” She heard the nearly serene note in her voice, and giggled again. The looks on the faces around her were priceless; they clearly thought she’d just broken. She nodded slightly, and sniffed, then went on. “When Anakin said I would be a hindrance to the success of the mission, it wasn't because he thought I couldn't handle the job, it was because he was afraid he would be too distracted by me to do his own.”

    Tahiri closed her eyes again, felt herself sway slightly. She couldn't look at any of them when she said it, didn’t want to see their faces, and didn’t care what their reactions were. She just wanted to say it and get it over with and get as far away from these people as she could; go back to looking for Anakin in the Force, because if she was left alone, and could concentrate, she knew she’d be able to feel him again.

    “He was worried that he’d be distracted by trying to keep me safe because I’m pregnant.”




    If You Could Only See/Emerson Hart
     
  17. Force Smuggler

    Force Smuggler Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Sep 2, 2012
    Oh man oh man.
    Vergere is gone.
    Lomi Plo and Welk won't be a threat in the future. Or maybe they will, in a different way?
    Alma might be different as well.
    Hmm. Wonder what happened to Anakin. Maybe one last thing by older Tahiri?
    Captured by Shamed Ones?
    And the bombshell drops.
    Can't wait for the next chapter!
     
  18. WarmNyota_SweetAyesha

    WarmNyota_SweetAyesha Chosen One star 8

    Registered:
    Aug 31, 2004
    The farewells among the Solos - awwww. :D Then the final scene. I was so happy with the changes [face_dancing] but the final crucial thing that meant Anakin was not one of those who returned with the team. [face_nail_biting]

    Thankfully doesn't have the permanent feel of what occurred in SBS. Then Tahiri's announcement. Woo, no one saw that one I'll bet!
     
  19. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Thank you to all who have been reading. And double thanks for those of you who have commented! It is greatly appreciated!

    Force Smuggler
    Oh man oh man.
    Vergere is gone.
    Still no Curtsy Emoji in this place???

    Lomi Plo and Welk won't be a threat in the future. Or maybe they will, in a different way?
    No – never had any use for them… They will not being popping up again

    Alma might be different as well.
    Nope

    Hmm. Wonder what happened to Anakin. Maybe one last thing by older Tahiri?
    Captured by Shamed Ones?
    You’ll just have to keep reading to find out what happened to his body.

    And the bombshell drops.
    Even though we already knew!

    Can't wait for the next chapter!
    On it’s way.

    Nyota’s Heart
    The farewells among the Solos - awwww. Then the final scene.
    Thank you!

    I was so happy with the changes but the final crucial thing that meant Anakin was not one of those who returned with the team.
    Can I tell you how much I love that you’re commenting when you've already read it!!!!

    Thankfully doesn't have the permanent feel of what occurred in SBS.
    Shhh!

    Then Tahiri's announcement. Woo, no one saw that one I'll bet!

    Except the reader!!!!

    Post up when I finish the fresh edit.

    Elle
     
  20. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Chapter 6
    Monsters and Angels



    Tahiri wanted to sneak back inside the tent, get her things, and leave again -she actually attempted tiptoeing, but she knew it was futile.

    Two of the four people she was trying to avoid were Jedi Masters, after all.

    “Tahiri, will you please join us?” came Mara’s strained request, before she’d made it two meters.

    Letting her shoulders sag and her chin drop to her chest, she murmured “kriff,” then louder, and more formally, “Of course.”

    She hadn't looked at any of them after she’d told them she was pregnant; instead she had turned around, walked out of the tent, and lost herself in the sea of misery outside.

    She’d allowed all the anger and fear and grief and frustration from the thousands surrounding her to flood her senses; welcomed it, called it in to drown out her own emotions. She could handle their pain because it wasn't her own.

    She had wandered aimlessly, for who knew how long, through the mud and garbage and debris created by so many beings confined in too small an area, until she’d found a rock on the outskirts of the settlement, right near the fence that bordered the camp, then she’d sat down, crossed her legs, and reached out for Anakin. She’d searched for hours, called to him through their bond in the Force, tried to feel him in that place inside of her that had belonged to only him for so many years; but he wasn't there. No matter how hard she tried, no matter how hard she focused; she couldn't find him.

    Finally, exhausted, she gave up, resolved to try again after she’d collected her things from the Solo’s tent, found a place to rest, and had gotten some sleep.

    She figured that, technically, she was a refugee, and was therefore entitled to all that the other refuges were entitled to; food, shelter, and clothing. She didn’t need to depend on Anakin’s family, didn’t need to burden people who did not want her and did not want to indulge her insistence that their son wasn't dead. She had no idea yet how she would support herself beyond this week; could hardly bear to think of how she would support Anakin’s child, but she had time, she would think of something. The prospect was daunting, but she would think of something.

    First things first though; she had to actually get away from Anakin’s family.

    Turning toward the sound of Mara’s voice, Tahiri walked the few steps to the flap that divided the tent into two rooms, pushed it aside and found the Skywalkers and the Solos sitting around the table that she’d left them at.

    “Please, have a seat, you look exhausted.” As always, Luke was courteous, and Tahiri almost felt sorry for him; she knew, both from what she’d seen over the last few days, and from what Older Tahiri had told her, that he carried a huge burden of guilt over the Myrkr ‘disaster’.

    Tahiri nodded her head and sat in the chair closest to Han, briefly glancing at Leia. Anakin’s mother’s eyes were slightly red, nothing that anyone who didn’t know her would notice, and Tahiri couldn't tell if it was caused by fatigue or grief.

    It was eerily quiet, but Tahiri had no interest in starting conversation; if they had questions, they could ask, and she’d share what she felt comfortable withthen she’d get the hell out of there and get on with her life.

    As always, it was Mara who jumped right in; “So… Anakin knew.”

    There could only be one thing she’d be referring to, so Tahiri nodded, tears again - Force, would it ever stop?

    “I realized the night before he left,” she admitted quietly.

    “That’s why Anakin…” Han paused, even saying his son’s name seemed difficult. “Why you didn’t go?”

    Tahiri nodded again; “We decided it would safer for both of us. I was afraid his worry for me would make it hard for him to focus, and he was afraid the strain of the mission would be bad for Will.”

    “Will?” Luke, Mara and Leia all asked in unison.

    Tahiri closed her eyes as another wave of pain washed over her. She had begun to wonder if this would be her permanent state of being; waves of discomfort, of varying degrees, rolling down her body, abusing her senses, for the rest of her life.

    “Umm… Anakin… when I told him, he said that his existence was the will of the Force, and that Will would be a good name, started calling him Will right then.”

    Leia snorted gently, evidently not impressed with her son’s reasoning, and it dawned on Tahiri that of course she wouldn't understand his reasoning.

    “I know what you’re thinking…”

    “Do you?” Leia snapped, bitterly.

    Tahiri drew on the Force for calm, she had to be calm; Anakin wouldn't want her arguing with his mother.

    “We weren’t being irresponsible.” She wiped away a tear that slipped down her cheek. “He teased me that the Shapers must have implanted a fanatical devotion to Ovulation Suppression Meds along with the language and culture. I never missed a shot.”

    She felt the discomfort radiating off of the four of them, and suddenly the idea of the mechanics of the situation, and their reaction to it, seemed ridiculous. All of these people had children, they all knew what was required, why was this so hard?

    “How far?” Mara asked, interrupting her mental query.

    It took Tahiri a moment to switch gears and figure out what she was talking about, and a moment more to remember that she shouldn't know. Older Tahiri hadn't been to a healer or medic until she was suffering from the cramps that were the beginning of her miscarriage and it was the 2-1B that informed her that she was ten weeks into her pregnancy when it ended, so she shook her head slightly and said; “I’m not sure.”

    “Not forty-two days?” Luke asked.

    Tahiri looked at him, baffled for a moment, then realization hit, and she laughed out loud, then laughed again knowing that Anakin would have found that hysterical. Her mouth opened but no words came out for a moment, then she felt herself telling them, and basked in the liberation of not having to pretend.

    “Anakin said we were married.”

    “What?” Leia half-shrieked, and stood up so fast her chair toppled over.

    Han grabbed her arm and tried to shush her, but Tahiri was already talking again, directing her explanation at Mara, who was the only one looking at herthough slack jawed, so Tahiri wasn't sure if she was actually getting it.

    “Anakin said he was researching fighter specs on the holonet when he came across this statistic, I never believed him, I think he was actually looking for information on marriage ceremonies and customs, but according to him” here, Tahiri affected a fair impression of Anakin’s voice“the mutual agreement of two participants over the age of fourteen is all that is required for legality of matrimony in forty-two percent of New Republic star systems.” She sniffed through another slight laugh, and rubbed the back of a finger under each eye before quietly adding, “Forty-two… he recites it to me every night before bed.”

    Everyone was quiet for a while, but Tahiri was too smart to believe that she was anywhere close to getting away. And again, she had felt the discomfort rise when she said the words ‘before bed’. She wanted to shout Get over it people!, but instead just shook her head and remembered Anakin’s quip about the hangar doors closing after the squadron had broken atmosphere.

    Oh, Anakin… you were supposed to be here for this.

    “Very romantic notion,” Leia finally said, again unimpressed, “but I don’t care if my son said it, it means nothing.”

    “It means something to us,” Tahiri whispered. “And it was the last thing he…” It wasn't the last thing he ever said to her; she didn’t care what his family kept insisting, he would say other things to her. “It was the last thing he said to me before he left.”

    Anakin’s father, aunt and uncle all three collapsed back into their chairs simultaneously, and Tahiri waited for the next question, the next obstacle she’d have to hurdle before she could go. But without realizing she was going to do it, she was talking again.

    “I know that a lot of people thought that I bossed him around, and that he was the quiet one and I did all the talking, but the truth was, when something mattered to him, he got his way, and this mattered to him. When anything important needed to be done or decided, Anakin… he just knew, and I trusted him, and I believed in him, and he always made things right, made me safe, found a way to make things better.”

    “And how exactly was Anakin planning on making things better here? Having a baby at this age? And in the middle of a war - is just stupid,” Leia insisted.

    Tahiri looked from Leia to Mara, saw the arch in Mara’s eyebrow, looked at Han as he covered his mouth with his hand and rubbed his fingers over his lips. He seemed tobe waiting to see how his wife was going to talk her way out of this one.

    “Obviously,” she said more to Luke than Mara, “it was different for you.” Then, pinning Tahiri with another glare, she waited for an answer.

    “I admit, we didn’t know, and we were scared, and he was not looking forward to telling you, and I’m still scared, and I don’t know what I’m going to do yet. Does my saying all of this make you happy? Does it make you feel better to know that I’ve never been so terrified?”

    Tahiri hoped that they’d find it in themselves to have some compassion, for Anakin’s son if not for her. Instead, everyone remained silent for a while, until Luke, feeling the need to fill the air, no doubt, decided to be redundant.

    “Okay, so you’re pregnant with Anakin’s baby, and he knew that before he left, and now he’s… dead, and you are going to be a single mother at sixteen.”

    Tahiri rubbed her forehead, felt the ridges, wished she’d forgotten about her bag of meager possessions for the night and found an empty cot to sleep in already.

    “Technically,” she breathed, “I’ll be seventeen when Will is born. But in reality, we don’t actually know how old I am, so maybe I’ll be eighteen.” She was babbling now, having a hard time keeping her eyes open and her mouth shut, but she didn’t care. “Sliven had no idea when my birthday was, in fact it was Anakin who made one up for me when we were kids.”

    When you were kids?” This time it was Han’s turn to sound incredulous, but there wasn't the venom that Leia’s voice held, there was humor in it. And he called everyone ‘kid’, so it was different.

    “Is there anything else you’d like to know?” Tahiri asked, standing up. “Because I’m exhausted and I still need to find a place to sleep.”

    “What do you mean?” Han’s confusion was as clear on his face as in his voice.

    “I mean, I came back to get my bag so I had some clean clothes and my ID chip; I need to register with the Refugee Authorities in the morning.”

    “Tahiri.” Luke sounded very masterly all of a sudden and the hair on the back of Tahiri’s neck stood up.

    “Yeah…”

    Technically, in most of the New Republic, you’re still a minor and legally a ward of the Jedi Order.”

    Tahiri felt horror rise in her at the idea of Luke pulling rank on her like this. She was old enough to have been cleared to go on the Voxyn Mission, was older than Anakin was when he’d fought in several battles, was older than Jaina when she’d joined Rogues, but now he was going to use her age against her. After she’d just pointed out that she could very well be older than they had always assumed? The hypocrisy was astounding, but she felt stupid to not have seen it coming.

    “It’s really up to me,” he continued, “as the head of the Order, to determine where you go and under whose supervision you stay.”

    Tahiri was too stunned to respond before Han weighed in.

    “Now what are you thinking, Luke? Anakin was very specific; he asked me to take care of her until he got back, and I promised.”

    Leia turned on her husband, “Well Anakin isn’t coming back so your obligation is over.”

    “She’s having our grandchild,” he bit out at his wife.

    “Did it occur to you that if she hadn't told him she was having ‘our grandchild,’ he wouldn't have been so preoccupied that he got himself killed?”

    Tahiri felt the room begin to spin, felt the same sense of unreality that she’d first felt when she’d been told that Anakin was gone, saw the ceiling of the tent, then saw nothing.



    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~



    29 ABY
    Battleship Lusankya, Farstey Sector, Expansion Region

    Tahiri sat bolt upright in bed, panic flooding her senses.

    She felt for Will, thinking that he had been crying and she’d been sleeping through his yells, and then realized that there were no sounds coming from the nursery. She reached out to him, felt his contentedness, and smiled.

    He was dreaming of liquid, she thought, amused; either nursing, or bath time. It was nice to know that her efforts to keep him healthy and nurtured ranked so high up on his list of favorite activities.

    Taking a deep breath, Tahiri lay back down, turning on her side and hugging a pillow to her chest. She had to sleep, had to rest, but sleep had been elusive lately. She had woken in the night several times over the last few days with the same sense of fear and confusion, and had no idea why.

    Will was happy and healthy and growing as he should be; or so the MD-3 she saw way too often promised her.

    Iella and Winter had suggested that she requisition one of the droids for herself to save the time of walking over to the med bay every other day to have Will examined again.

    She’d rolled her eyes and told them to go find someone to spy on.

    She’d gotten better.

    During the first couple of weeks after Will’s birth she had been in the med center a lot; having Will checked to make sure he was gaining an adequate amount of weight, fearing her milk was lacking nutrients, fearing Will wasn't getting enough, fearing she wasn't feeding him right, fearing, fearing, fearing. When finally shown a chart and realizing that her son was teetering on the edge of ‘overly healthy’ she relaxed and cut her visits down significantly, but still, Will’s hold-mothers gently teased.

    Giving up on sleep, Tahiri turned on the light beside her bed and, propping herself up, picked up her data pad. She had a meeting with Iella and three visiting Intel agents in the morning, and thought maybe going over the notes on what she would be presenting would bore her back to sleep.

    She didn’t remember much of what had happened in the days after she had fainted in the Solo’s tent on Hapes. She didn’t know how it was decided that she would go to Borealis with the Skywalkers, or the trip itself; she didn’t remember most of the time she spent there, but she did remember sitting in the mess one night and finding herself talking with the wife of General Wedge Antilles, a kind woman who also happened to be the top ranking intelligence agent on the base.

    She remembered Iella Wessiri Antilles taking an interest in her time in captivity with the Yuuzhan Vong, and the fact that she knew about Tahiri’s contribution to the prepping of the Jedi Voxyn mission. She also remembered Iella seeking her out several days after the Borealis evacuation and asking Tahiri if she would consider tutoring some of her agents in the Yuuzhan Vong language.

    Tahiri had agreed to the request because she had nothing better to do at the time, and she still hadn't figured out where she was going or how she was going to take care of Willwho, by that point, she had been assured by a med droid, was ‘growing adequately in-utero’. She had ended up enjoying the teaching, had enjoyed sharing her knowledge - enjoyed knowing that she could turn what she’d gone through into something positive.

    Eventually, Iella offered her an actual job, she was given a salary and a title—Agent Tahiri Veilaand she formally resigned from the Jedi Order. She wasn't entirely sure that her effort was necessary, and there was no reply to the transmission she sent to the Skywalkers, though she assumed they received it.

    Her first several assignments were planning sessions with teams preparing to infiltrate Yuuzhan Vong territory, the most notable team being the Wraiths. Tahiri loved working with the Wraiths, and had likened the experiences to good preparation for parenthood.

    Kell Tainer once offered his services as a babysitter, to which Tahiri responded that the only thing more frightening than her being left alone with a baby was him being left alone with her baby. He failed to see the problem with an explosives expert and an inconsolable Force sensitive infant in the same room.

    Face Loran had wondered if the power of one Force wielding parent plus the power of a second Force wielding parent made for a doubly powerful Force wielding child, claiming that from the intel he’d ‘gathered’ this particular child might really pack a punch. Tahiri had allowed the novices to debate the issue, to great amusement, until someone realized they were all about to miss evening meal, at which point the matter became moot and everyone scrambled out of the conference room.

    She was only a couple months away from giving birth when she was assigned to spend time on Mon Calamari with Admiral Ackbar, giving him insight into the mindset of the enemy. Again, she enjoyed the assignment itself, but this time there was an added bonus; she was able to spend time with people who knew and loved Anakin as a child.

    She spent as many hours listening to the aged Mon Cal and his caretaker, Winter Celchu, speak of Anakin, as she did telling them about her ‘memories’ of Riina’s childhood. Of course she drew heavily on Older Tahiri’s knowledge, once again, but that didn’t make her information any less real, or, she would later find, any less valuable. She was eventually credited in a military report with offering some of the intel that helped turn the Admiral’s final battle plan into a decisive victory.

    It was during Tahiri’s stay that the Admiral died.

    After attending the funeral, she returned to the Lusankyaon the same shuttle flight as Winter. Winter had accepted a position working with Iella, her best friend, because it reunited her with her husband, Tycho Celchu - who was Wedge’s best friend, and second in command.

    That was how Tahiri found herself surrounded by the people she now thought of as her family.

    Seeing nothing but promise in Tahiri, Iella set about molding her into a force to be reckoned with; tapping into her natural talents, Jedi training and implanted Vong knowledge, Iella had her translating, negotiating, eavesdropping and advising within weeks of joining Intelligence.

    Iella and Winter had known each other for nearly thirty years and worked seamlessly together. When ‘Targeter’ joined Iella in training Tahiri, her education really took off; she was a remarkably quick study and the two set about teaching her everything they could think of about their trade. Basically, Tahiri realized, it really all boiled down to being nosy, and having a good memory, both of which she was a natural at.

    Through long hours, hard work, and a confined working space, the two older women became both mentors and mothers, coddling Tahiri when no one else was around, making sure she was eating right; Iella teaching her about electronics and bugging devices, sharing memories of her own pregnancies, Winter relaying stories of years as a deep undercover agent as well as her years as Anakin’s nanny.

    It was Winter and Iella who held her hands through Will’s birth, and it was their husbands who were Will’s first visitors.

    In a highly emotional post-delivery moment, Tahiri asked the four, who had been so wonderful to her over the months, to be Will’s hold-parents. They’d all agreed instantly, and Tycho had rapidly secured a bottle of Whyren’s, because - as Tahiri was to eventually realize - where these people were concerned, one couldn't do anything important without a bottle of whiskey present; then Wedge had performed an impromptu ceremony in Tahiri’s med center room.

    They each took turns holding Will and sipping at the whiskey cup, a sip for themselves, a sip for Will, a sip for Anakin, and a sip for Tahiri, and solemnly promised her son that they would look after him in good times and bad, that they would guide him, teach him, and see that he wanted for nothing; in honor of his father, for the peace of mind of his mother and for love of him.

    Naturally, Tahiri had cried, but she wasn't the only one - Tycho was a mess too. In fact, the only one with dry eyes was Will.

    Tahiri dropped the data pad back onto her lap, and stared out the window at the stars beyond.

    A squadron of X-wings was whizzing back and forth in the distance, the lead putting them through grueling maneuvers. Beyond them lay Thisspias.

    The planet didn’t mean much in terms of strategy or importance to the overall war effort; was merely a convenient place to pick up a matériel for the fleet; a place to hang out while Wedge plotted his next move in his grand scheme to push his way through the Yuuzhan Vong’s defenses and reclaim the capital. For some reason though, since they’d arrived in system a few days ago, Tahiri had felt increasingly unbalanced, increasingly uncomfortable.

    During a trip up to the bridge for Wedge and Tycho to see their favorite little pilot, Tahiri found herself staring at a massive three dimensional holodisplay of the galaxy and realized just how close to the Myrkr system they were and wondered if that was the reason for her unease; if her agitation had been brought on by how close they were to where Anakin…


    She could still barely bring herself to think it, had never actually said it out loud, and bless Iella and Winter and Tycho and Wedge for never making her. They’d all experienced horrific loses themselves and they all seemed to understand what Anakin’s being gone had done to her. So instead of standing over her while she wept and demanding that she admit that the only man she’d ever love was never coming back, the way Leia had, they simply let her be, made her as comfortable as they could in her new life and gave her and her baby all the love they weren’t getting from Anakin and his family.


    Monster and Angels/Brad Knack, Mike Jones, Melissa Jones, Tracey Kennedy
     
  21. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Chapter 7
    Karma Police
    Shuttle Talace, En Route To The Eberon System
    Tahiri had wondered, several months ago, if she would ever stop crying.
    Now she knew the answer.
    She hadn't cried this morning when Iella had come into her quarters, woken her up and told her that a report had come in of a ship found floating dead in space with one passenger on board.
    The male, in his early twenties, had been transported to a nearby medical frigate, comatose, unresponsive to sound or light.
    A DNA analysis had matched positive for Jedi Anakin Solo.
    Tahiri had sat stunned and speechless for several seconds, the words ‘comatose’ and ‘unresponsive’ reverberating loudly in her head. Finally, she’d thrown the covers back, stood up and began to pepper Iella with questions.
    “When was he found? Where is he?”
    “He was picked up about six hours ago; he’s with the First Fleet in the Mytaranor Sector now.”
    “Have the family been notified?”
    “Yes, but I haven’t been able to determine how long ago.”
    “How fast can I get a shuttle and all the required authorizations to get me and Will where we need to be?”
    “Tycho is working on it right now.”
    “When did you find out?”
    “Less than an hour ago. We wanted to confirm the information before getting your hopes up.”
    “Could Winter go with us… I’ll need help with Will… I don’t know how long we’ll be gone… what about work?”
    “Winter’s already packing and has notified procurement; baby supplies are being brought over from one of the fleet tenders. Take as long as you need, we’ll worry about work later.”
    She hadn't cried when she’d hurriedly dressed and raced to her office. She hadn't cried when she’d printed Anakin’s initial medical report, or when she’d seen the number of pages the report had required. She hadn't cried when she’d issued the documentation placing Jedi Anakin Solo under arrest and turning his hospital room into a holding cell, making it a restricted area only open to medical personnel and the Galactic Alliance Intelligence officer assigned to work his case.
    It was highly unlikely that there was a single member of the Solo family that was not aware that she was Iella Wessiri’s protégé; it was also highly unlikely that they wouldn't realize instantly that she was the wall standing between them and Anakin—but she could hope. She had gone back and added an addendum to the warrant, a clause stating that prisoner 7598PF456 was to have no contact with other GA citizens until he was fully debriefed, unless said Intelligence Officer gave explicit permission and felt contact with other citizens would not pose a security risk.
    She’d actually quietly chuckled to herself when she’d issued the medical quarantine and classified his records, making them off limits to anyone without an active military rank of general or higher - that was for Han - or an Intel Agent without a class three clearance or above. She knew she was laying it on a bit thick, but that hadn't stopped her.
    She hadn't cried when Iella sat her down, took her hands, and quietly told her the story of how her first husband had been taken prisoner during the Civil War and been gone for seven years, about how the man that was returned to her was not the man who had been taken, had not cried when she’d grasped the true meaning of what her friend was telling her, had not cried when Iella said she would be no further than a comm call away and would do anything she could for Tahiri and Will; regardless of what it was, regardless of what other relationships it might affect.
    She hadn't cried during the six hours she’d sat on the shuttle.
    She was just numb.
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    Juniper Medical Frigate, Eberon System, Mytaranor Sector
    “What do you mean I can’t go in there?” Leia demanded.
    “Yeah, that’s our son.” Han contributed fiercely; pointing a finger at the stone-faced captain guarding the door before returning to his previous posture.
    He knew his input wasn't going to help, but he couldn't just stand there. He had to at least act the part, and was grateful that his all Jedi family never seemed to get when he was bluffing.
    He did in fact want desperately to see Anakin, to a least touch his boy after thinking for so long that he was dead, but he had committed to a course of action, had placed his bet, had chosen a swoop to back, and there was nothing he could do now but wait for Tahiri to show up, watch the electrical light storm that would be the reunion of his wife and his sort-of-daughter-in-law… and then wait for Tahiri to sneak him in later.
    He hoped.
    He had asked Iella, all those months ago, not to tell Tahiri about their conversation, the conversation when Han had ‘suggested’ to Iella that Tahiri might be of help to her, suggested that Intel might be a good match for a smart girl who needed a job; a girl who had spent time in enemy hands, wasn't going to be doing any Jedi-ing anytime soon and whose welfare really mattered to him. Iella, being smart herself, read between the lines, and had not only sought Tahiri out, but kept Han in the loop, letting him know that she and Wedge had taken a genuine liking to the girl, as had Tycho and Winter.
    It wasn't exactly what Anakin had meant when he asked Han to take care of Tahiri, but it was the best he could do.
    The whole situation was kriffed nine ways to next week, Han never speaking the words ‘Can you please send me holos of my grandson?’ but rather asking Iella if she had any ‘news’ or ‘information’ for him. He never asked directly about the child’s mother, but he always asked how the agent who had secured the information was. Iella’s answers ranged from ‘she’s very good at what she does’ to ‘she’s having a tough week’, and Han was never sure if Iella was referring to Tahiri’s job, her mothering or her emotional state, but his guilt never allowed him to ask.
    He also hadn't come right out and told Iella this morning that he now wanted Tahiri to know everything, but the mere fact that he was comming, was alerting her immediately that Anakin had turned up, must have clued her in. The fact that Iella had already known and hadn't comm’d him scared him, made him wonder instantly how bad this was going to get. He prayed that she got the point of his comming anyway—he needed Tahiri to understand that he was on her side, but he needed her not to say anything in front of the family. If Tahiri didn’t understand where Han stood, then Anakin wouldn't understand, and Han wouldn't get access, and this was all such slippery territory to negotiate.
    He looked back at his wife. Speaking of slippery territory.
    He knew she knew he was keeping tabs on Tahiri. He knew she knew he was getting regular updates and images of Will. He was even pretty sure she knew that he knew that she went into the cockpit of the Falcon and played the recordings in the middle of the night when they were both pretending that he was asleep.
    Han smiled as he watched the princess try to play smart with the guard - the name plate on his breast pocket said Teal - switching gears, turning sweet and somewhat pleading.
    “Listen, I know you’re only doing your job, and I understand the position you’re in, but my son is sick, clearly, and I need to at least speak to a medic or a med droid in order to give instructions regarding his treatment.”
    Teal was good, patient, wasn't getting angry or frustrated, was simply repeating the same phases over and over again; Jedi Solo was under medical quarantine. Someone in authority would speak with them soon.
    Boy, Iella had laid it on thick—or had that been Tahiri? ‘Medical quarantine’? Of course, Tahiri, or was it Iella, was smart to not give her name as the one in authority, and Han was sure that was on purpose. It didn’t matter though, it would all come out eventually.
    Goodbye, dinner parties with the Antilles.
    He let out a heavy breath and surveyed the room again, taking stock of everyone’s positions.
    He was standing in a corner, across from the door to the hallway, leaning against the edge of the observation window. The door to the room that Anakin was in lay on the other edge of the same window and with the slightest roll of his shoulder he could see Anakin, or every person in the waiting area. He stood in the ‘power position’, though he wasn't feeling particularly powerful.
    Luke was standing near the main door, looking puzzled, and Han wondered why. Maybe he was trying to read Anakin’s condition through the Force. Han didn’t need the Force to see that his son was in lousy shape, all he needed to do was look at the limp form lying on the bed, countless tubes and wires running from his body to the machines crowding the small space. He looked like he weighed half what he had when he’d left. Han wondered what he’d eaten, wondered where he’d been. The only information they’d gotten before the doors had closed and the restrictions had gone into place was that Anakin was comatose and showed no indications of waking that could be specifically pointed to.
    In other words, Han realized, could be ten minutes from now, could be ten years from now.
    Mara was nearest to Han, standing straight in front of the window, extremely focused. Han got the feeling that she wasn't looking at Anakin at all though, despite where her eyes where turned, but was concentrating on what was going on around and behind her; what was coming. Another smart girl.
    The twins were huddled together on a couch behind Leia; looking miserable again, and again, Han didn’t need the Force.
    That was the other poodoo storm brewing on the horizon. Poor kids.
    All the problems in his family over the past year, and what they were heading into at this very moment, boiled down to one thing; Tahiri’s insistence that Anakin had not been dead when the strike team left the worldship over Myrkr.
    Evidently, she’d been right.
    However, in order to accept that she had been right all those months ago, the rest of his family had to accept that Jaina and Jacen had left Anakin behind. Instead, it had been easier for Leia—and to some extent Han—to deny Tahiri’s claim. They treated her like she was crazy and that her feelings, her love for Anakin, were insignificant, and they demonized her for questioning the twins judgment, because that was easier than facing the prospect that two of their children had left the third to die. That was easier than acknowledging that Jaina and Jacen were wrong when they said they hadn't abandoned Anakin, had only abandoned his body, and that they had only done that because they’d had no choice.
    Alarm spiked in Han when he realized that Leia was changing tactics. He’d missed the question, but not the answer, and knew that they were hitting dangerous ground. Leia was well aware that Tahiri was with Intel, had sat through conversations and mission planning sessions where Tahiri’s work had been discussed, and what Captain Teal was saying was about to blow the lid off Han’s day.
    “I’m sorry Madame, the medical quarantine is actually a minor issue, Jedi Solo has spent significant time behind enemy lines and must be debriefed by a Galactic Alliance Intelligence Officer with Class Three or above clearance before any Galactic Alliance citizen is permitted contact with him.”
    Han felt a sudden tension in the room, felt the pressure build, felt the silence fall as Leia stopped arguing, and the captain stopped explaining. He watched all the bodies around him shift just slightly toward the door, and couldn't help the small, sad lift at the corner of his mouth as the hatch slid open and two of the biggest humans he’d ever seen came charging into the room. Both wore the uniform of Page's Commandos. One, incongruously, had a baby bag slung over the same shoulder as his assault blaster.
    Once inside the room, the two men moved in opposite directions to make way for the woman behind them. She was thin, medium height—though standing behind the two burly soldiers, and in front of two more, she seemed almost frail. Her wavy blond hair was pulled back in a gentle sweep at the base of her neck, and she wore a smart blouse, trim trousers, and knee-high boots. In her arms, to Han’s absolute delight, was the most beautiful baby boy he had ever seen.
    “Where is he?” Tahiri demanded evenly.
    Han had to hand it to the kid; she knew how to make an entrance.
    Karma Police/Thom Yorke, Jonny Greenwood, Ed O'Brien, Colin Greenwood, Phil Selway
     
  22. Force Smuggler

    Force Smuggler Force Ghost star 7

    Registered:
    Sep 2, 2012
    Whew. Still alive. Thank god. Might not be in the best shape..............
    At least Han is still good in this.
    Oh man. Things are going to be interesting.
     
  23. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Chapter 8
    It Ain’t What You Do, It’s The Way That You Do It (And That’s What Gets Results)


    Tahiri followed Bram and Stroker down the zig-zagging corridors of the med frigate, Trey and Junip behind her. Up ahead, a Navy Representative led the way - a short Sullastan - though Tahiri couldn't see him through her guards.

    The boys were jumpy, and had not been happy about being thrown into a mission with no prep time; they had even said so when entering the hangar back on the Lusankya.

    Tahiri had snapped that this wasn't a mission and to get their asses on board the ship.

    All four had starred at her, speechless.

    She’d walked away, gone up the ramp and hidden in the back of the vessel long enough to let Winter deal with them. She knew Winter, always calm and serene, would be able to soothe things over. She’d met them all in the hold later. By then, she’d felt nothing but concern radiating off the men who had taken it upon themselves to be more than just escorts and protectors to her and Will. She would have been wracked with guilt had she been able to feel anything at that point.

    When they’d landed ten minutes ago, she had shaken off the horrible numb feeling she’d been drowning in - had forced herself to focus - had pushed aside her fear of facing Anakin’s family and the reality of his condition and tried instead to concentrate on the fact that she was about to see him - actually see him - after all this time.

    Will felt warm and safe in her arms, and she wished that she could carry him into Anakin’s room with her, hold him and let his tiny body soothe her the way it always did when she felt scared—but that was irresponsible. They didn’t know where Anakin had been or what he’d been exposed to, and she had to wait until she knew it was okay for her son to be in the same room as his father. Winter would be getting their quarters squared away, and would catch up with her in a few minutes; Winter and the boys would take care of Will until Tahiri had assessed the situation.

    Before she knew it, she was through the door of the intensive care center, Bram and Stroker had parted in front of her, and she was confronted by a wall of Solo and Skywalker.

    Disregarding the intimidating presences, her eyes sought out the uniform she knew should be somewhere, found it, and she blurted out, “Where is he?”

    Leia’s Force signature was as icy as ever, but Tahiri ignored her, instead cradling Will’s head closer into her neck and shouldering her way past Jacen to meet the man approaching her.

    “I’m Age—”

    Before she got any further, Leia jumped in, directing her question at the same man. “You’re not going to let her in, are you?”

    She only got a little further on her next attempt, “Agent Tahiri…”

    “I should be allowed in first. He’s my son.”

    Tahiri lifted an eyebrow, glanced sideways at Leia and said, “Last time I checked, you were pretty sure that your son was dead.” Then, turning back to the man whose uniform identified him as Captain Teal, she continued, “Tahiri Veila.”

    Leia looked like she’d tear Tahiri’s head off with her hands for a second. Then a sudden look of triumph crossed her face, and turning back to Teal herself, she said, “They aren't really married.”

    “Married?” Teal asked, confused.

    Tahiri shook her head, and hefted Will higher on her right shoulder, painfully aware of the fact that his grandmother hadn't acknowledged him. Then she pulled her ID card from her pocket, the GA insignia face up, and placed it in the man’s outstretched hand.

    Jaina gawked from behind Mara, but it was Jacen who spoke; he'd moved to stand next to Luke, and asked, in a voiced that made clear his disbelief, “You’re a class 3 Intelligence Agent?”

    Winter entered the room then, gliding up to Tahiri, reaching out for the baby. Tahiri kissed his head and rubbed his wispy curls before handing him off, turning back to Anakin’s brother, and explained, “Class Two, actually, but I wanted to make sure my assistant had access so he could run errands for me and retrieve information if I needed him to.”

    “Your assistant?” She wasn't sure if Luke was taken aback by the fact that she had an assistant, or that even he had clearance and they didn’t.

    It was Mara, though, who focused on the fundamental point; speaking in a low, dark voice, stating rather than asking: “You placed Anakin under arrest and restricted access to him.”

    “Agent,” the Captain interrupted, handing Tahiri her card back, “You've been logged in. The system’s programmed to recognize your ID, just swipe the magna strip through the reader and you can enter at any time, but,” he nodded toward her leg, “no weapons are allowed in the patient rooms.”

    “Oh, of course,” Tahiri replied absently as she pulled the blaster from the holster strapped to her thigh. Bram stepped forward, the baby bag he’d had on his shoulder now held open for Tahiri as she whacked the butt of the blaster against the heel of her hand, dislodging the power pack. She flipped the magazine upside down, and shoved it back inside with a loud click, then dropped the gun into the bag. She then removed the lightsaber hanging from her belt and dropped that too. Reaching down to the outside of her left leg, she pulled a vibro-blade from inside her boot, then pulled its mate from her right boot and, standing back up, slid both into a slot on the outside of the bag.

    Squaring her shoulders, Tahiri faced the Jedi Master as she unstrapped a holdout blaster from her left wrist. “Yes, I did have him placed under arrest. It’s standard procedure. Would you rather have had an agent you didn’t know assigned to this case?”

    “Yes,” Leia answered. “And no one should be going in there but me. Least of all, you; you’re not even family.”

    Jaina stepped on her mother’s malicious comment with one of her own. “Isn't your being assigned to this ‘case’ a conflict of interest?”

    “In what way?” Tahiri asked her, reaching up to remove the clip from her hair. She didn’t drop this into the bag. Instead, she took the small metal container Bram had pulled from his utility belt, gently placed the clip into the padding lining the container, softly clicked it closed, and handed it back to him, then looked back to Jaina before continuing. “If my relationship to your brother is as insignificant as you seem to think then my being the agent of record should be no problem.” Moving her gaze back to Mara she continued, “and if I am in fact married to Anakin, then as his wife, I’m legally entitled to be at his side.” Tahiri let that one sink in before turning to her ‘mother-in-law’. “Which way would you like to play this?”

    She folded her arms across her chest, eying each member of the family in turn, daring any one of them contradict her. None of them did, none of them could.

    “I can be reasonable,” she finally went on, “and I plan to be.” Then to Leia, “But you need to remember who started this. You should also know that I am no longer a scared, grieving, pregnant, helpless girl who will crumble in a corner if you yell long enough or loud enough. Screw whether you believe our marriage is legitimate, he is my son’s father, and if you kriff with me I will bury him so deep so fast it will take you a year to find out what sector I took him to.

    “Now, I can’t remember off the top of my head whether I had the boys set their weapons to stun this morning, so I suggest you sit down and shut up. I’ll join you again when I’m ready.”

    Marching toward the door that was being opened for her, Tahiri paused only long enough to turn around and say, “And don’t think it went unnoticed that none of you bothered to comm me when he was found,” before heading inside.


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~


    “Leia.” Winter kept her voice calm, but firm, and she didn’t say anything else until her oldest friend turned to face her. “Why don’t you come over here and meet your grandson.”

    Han didn’t need a second invitation, he didn’t even need the first one to be addressed to him—he practically launched himself at Winter and scooped Will out of her arms.

    “Hey, kid,” he said softly, “I’m your grandpa.”

    Will smiled up at him, then screeched happily and grasped the finger Han offered.

    Mara stepped up and ran her hand over Will’s arm. “It’s hard to tell who he looks more like,” she said wistfully.

    “We think,” Winter began to explain, “that his face and eyes are shaped like Anakin’s, but he has Tahiri’s coloring. And his eyes turn more green all the time.”

    “That would also explain the almost non-existent white hair,” Han chuckled. “That sure didn’t come from the Solo side.”

    “I’d say not.” Winter laughed.

    “Is he rolling over yet?”

    Winter knew that Iella was subtly reporting Will’s development to Han when they spoke every week, but she gamely went along with pretending that Han knew nothing of the child’s growth.

    “He’s trying, though usually the top half of his body goes or the bottom half does, rarely both at the same time. And I’m sure you’ll find this interesting, Luke—he’s quite adept at manipulating his environment.”

    Luke, who’d gone to join his sister when his wife had joined Han, raised his eyebrows questioningly. “Oh, in what way?”

    “Tahiri has several small toy X-Wings suspended over Will’s changing table; he makes them fly, often into the sides of our heads while we’re dressing him. He also likes to rearrange Wedge’s holodisplays in the command salon.” Chuckling softly, and speaking more to Will than the adults present, she added, “Tycho’s not allowed to have Will on the bridge during Fleet Maneuvers anymore. Is he, little one?”

    If the fact that Wedge and Tycho had had the infant on the bridge during maneuvers struck anyone as odd, or highly indulgent, they didn’t say so.

    Quiet fell over the room, only interrupted by the sounds of Will’s happy babbling and small lips blowing spit bubbles, until Jacen, sitting back on the couch in the corner and staring at the ceiling, and having ignored Winter’s presence until now, caught her attention.

    “Does she always walked around that heavily armed?” he asked.

    Winter smiled ruefully. “Only when she travels, and usually more so—she’s not wearing the boots with retractable blades in the toes. I think in her desperation to get here as fast as she could she pulled the wrong boots from her closet when she was dressing this morning.”

    No one commented, so Winter continued.

    “She stopped carrying her lightsaber shortly after Borealis. She said that the right to carry a blade was earned and should be reserved for those serving the Order, and that despite what had transpired, she respected the Order itself, or its ideals rather, and would never dishonor what Anakin had fought for.”

    Winter caught Mara and Luke trading glances, Luke looking slightly uncomfortable, but Winter couldn't tell if Mara was having an ‘I told you so’ moment or if they were simply realizing that their suppositions about Tahiri’s character might have been off-line.

    “Somehow,” she continued, “the Yuuzhan Vong—more specifically Shimmra, we think—became aware of the fact that the Jedi Who Was Shaped and the Jedi Who Stood With Vua Rapuung had a Jedi baby. We believe he’s afraid that Will could become a symbol of sorts; that his very existence might galvanize the Shamed Ones, the faction of Vong who already see some significance in Anakin and Tahiri. The Intel has been sketchy, so we aren't certain about all of this—a lot is still just speculation on our parts. What we do know is that our young Will here has become a target. Even Jacen’s bounty wasn't this high.”

    Winter’s nonchalance was feigned, and the information brought looks of dismay from everyone; even Leia looked sickened.

    Han’s face spoke a thousand words in less than ten seconds: Why wasn't he told? He knew exactly why he wasn't told. He was going to throttle Iella. He was going to thank Iella.

    Finally, he just sighed heavily so Winter went on again.

    “A few weeks after Will was born Tahiri was sent to Denon. It was meant to be a simple mission, her first after giving birth—she was acting as little more than a courier. We weren’t yet aware of the Vong’s interest in Will, so she only took a nanny with her.

    “Two would-be profiteers broke into Tahiri’s hotel room, killed the nanny, and were half way to where Will was sleeping before Tahiri came in.”

    “And she didn’t have her lightsaber.” Luke breathed, his eyes closing.

    “No, she was unarmed, and they had an ysalamir.”

    “You’d think they were being sold on street corners these days,” Han harrumphed.

    “One would think.” Winter agreed. “She tried to stop them without doing unnecessary harm, but one refused to cooperate—she ended up killing him with her bare hands; snapped his neck, but not without consequence; she spent twelve days in a med ward. Broken nose, skull fracture, broken wrist, fractured jaw, internal bleeding, sprained knee, three cracked ribs. The healing shouldn't have taken so long, but she refused to go into healing trances because she couldn't feel Will, she insisted on being brought out of Bacta at regular intervals to feed him. The worst part was the pain, she refused meds so Will wouldn't get them through her milk.”

    “What happened to the second guy?” Mara asked.

    “She kicked him in the temple moments into the fight; he was still out when the judicials arrived. It was during his debriefing that we obtained most of the knowledge that we now have regarding the situation, but we've been trying to keep the information under wraps to prevent word getting around anymore than it already has.

    “Now Tahiri’s a little paranoid when not on the Lusankya. She trains at least a couple of hours a day, has no qualms about carrying her lightsaber anymore, and is a crack shot with a blaster." Winter turned away from the family and said, “Bram, why don’t you take Stroker and see to sweeping our rooms.Will and I should be fine with Trey and Junip.”

    Bram looked toward the observation window, than back to Winter, and she knew he wasn't comfortable leaving without Tahiri’s say so.

    “I’ll let her know where you are, and I’m surrounded by four Jedi, and one adoring grandfather—we’ll be fine.”

    Bram nodded, signaled to his companions and they all stepped outside the main door, two taking up sentry positions in the hall, as Winter knew they would.

    “Will’s Honor Guard travels with her as much to keep Wedge and Tycho happy as Tahiri and Will safe, though they've become very fond of her and the baby as well. They’re the ones she trains with; she takes them all down on a regular basis, and not because they go easy on her.”

    Han nodded, then asked the question Winter knew was on everyone’s mind; “So, can she really do it? Take Anakin away like that?”

    “Do you want to test her and find out?”

    “Not particularly.”

    “You should know, she filed paperwork, shortly after she went to work for Iella, to establish the legality of the marriage.”

    Leia let out a disgusted sigh.

    “Why would she do that if she thought he was already dead?” Jaina asked.

    She had slowly made her way to her father’s side and was peering at her nephew as though she wasn't quite sure she should be doing so and Winter’s heart broke to see people she cared so much for in such pain and confusion.

    She never thought he was dead.” Winter answered. “Or at least never accepted it. And she said Anakin taught her to cover all her bases. She was always a little concerned that you,” Winter now directed her answer at Leia, who, she could tell, was watching the baby through the reflection in the window, “might pop up one day and try to take Will away from her. She thought the idea that she and Anakin had a formally established relationship - were seen legally as serious adults as opposed to reckless kids - might have helped her if you ever decided to sue for custody. The fact that you never actually took an interest in Will was something of a relief to her.”

    Mara scowled at Winter’s less-that-gentle admonishment and joined Jacen on the couch.

    “She couldn't really have thought we’d do that.” Han claimed.

    “Clearly she did—the point is; with the galactic government in chaos because of the war, having a position in the new government as it was being created, and being the mother of Anakin’s son, she had no problem making a provisional establishment of marriage. The only reason she wasn't notified before you when he turned up is that she hadn't gotten around to having the documentation finalized.”

    Leia’s sensible side seemed to finally be kicking in when she asked, “What does that mean for us now?”

    “What it means right now is that if Intel, and by Intel I mean Iella, decides that there is a conflict of interest and she should not be assigned to Anakin’s case, Tahiri could be granted at least a temporary supervisory role over Anakin’s care based on the status of the marriage… I honestly don’t know whether she or you would have a better claim, but are you willing to take the risk? Do you want to look your son in the eye when he wakes up and tell him that while he was unconscious you spent your time playing tug of war over him with the mother of his child?”

    Taking pity on them, and because she felt she had to, she went ahead and pointed out what she felt was glaringly obvious. “You’re already going to have to answer for the fact that you've had no contact with her since shortly after he disappeared and have never seen your grandson before now.Courts and military involvement and Intel decisions take time, and she knows that.If you push her, if she feels cornered and he doesn’t wake up in the next few days, yes, she may have him transferred without notifying you, in order to avoid giving you the opportunity to bring in outside interference.If you give her some breathing room and don’t threaten to pull him away from her, I think you’ll find that she can be very forthcoming.”

    “You know,” Jacen said, the tone of his voice suddenly strong, as though he’d found the solution to all this, “We could just use the Force to sneak him out of here and take him someplace where she can’t find him.”

    Winter leveled her former charge with a reproachful look. “Yes, you certainly could, and in the process break a number of laws, reinforce the beliefs of beings who accuse the Jedi of holding yourselves above reproach, risk Anakin’s health and recovery, and add fuel to the fire with Tahiri.”

    Taking Will, and ignoring Han’s look of protest, Winter walked over to Leia and placed Will in her arms. She was gratified to see her oldest friend instantly cuddle the baby and didn’t miss the tears that welled up in her eyes.

    “He does look just like Anakin, doesn't he?” She whispered.

    “He does indeed, and has a fascinating combination of his and Tahiri’s personalities already.”

    With Leia’s attention now focused on Will, whose head she was stroking while she cooed to him softly, Winter looked through the glass into Anakin’s room, looked at what had been holding Leia’s attention.

    Tahiri was leaned over Anakin, holding one of his hands in a tender grip, using her other hand to brush his hair off of his forehead, her own head tucked down next to his ear. Her shoulders were bobbing, obviously from crying. Winter’s heart went out to the girl she had begun to think of as an adopted daughter more than a junior colleague; she could only imagine what must be going through the Tahiri’s mind, what she must be whispering to Anakin after all this time.

    “Leia, I’ve spent a great deal of time with Tahiri over the last several months, so I feel I can speak with some authority when I say that she has no interest in coming between Anakin and all of you.

    “She knows you love him, she knows that he loves you, and despite how devastating it was, she understands why you treated her the way you did, she understands that you were all grieving and not at your best. She is also painfully aware of the fact that she is nowhere near blameless for what went on. That girl is far from dumb. She may never get over the hurt that situation caused her; you may not care if she does, but that’s irrelevant right now. The only thing that matters to her, the only thing that should matter to any of us, is Anakin opening his eyes.”

    Leia shut her own eyes, and continued to stroke Will’s head as tears ran down her face, until finally she nodded at her friend.

    “Now,” Winter said gently, “Why don’t you give me my hold-son. It is far past his bedtime and the last thing any of us wants is for this boy to be cranky from lack of sleep when the time comes for him to meet his father.”

    Leia nodded and kissed Will’s head, but didn’t give him up.

    “I’ll be bringing him around first thing in the morning to nurse, then you’ll get to spend more time with him,” Winter assured.

    Leia’s voice was smaller than Winter could ever remember hearing when she asked; “Do you think she’ll allow that?” and Winter knew exactly what Leia was referring to.

    “Yes, I do. I believe there were a lot of contributing factors for Tahiri not contacting you over the last year. One is her not knowing how to deal with any of you after what happened on Hapes. Then there was the idea of sitting in a room with people who blamed her for Anakin’s death, with the child they felt she should not have told him about, and then having to listen to you speak about him as though he were dead when she was still working so hard to cling to the possibility that he wasn't.”

    “Did you never try to tell her he was gone?”

    “No, and Iella set the tone there because of her own first-hand experience; her first husband was gone and presumed dead for seven years before he came back. Wedge and Tycho and I went along with Iella because we saw how devastated and lonely Tahiri was: we never referred to Anakin as dead and ignored her referring to him in the present tense. We decided to give her time and see where we were at a few months from now. We actually all discussed it at dinner a few nights ago, agreed that she wasn't ready yet and to let it continue to ride for now.”

    “Funny, part of my issue with her was my not being able to handle her insistence that he was alive.” Leia began to cry softly again. “But she was right, all this time she was right.”

    “But we couldn't have known. It was a horrible situation for you all to be in, and unfortunately none of you behaved very well.”

    Leia just nodded, and continued to rub her grandson’s head.

    “When Tahiri realized she was pregnant, she debated not telling Anakin, and then decided—since they’d never had any secrets from each other—that she simply couldn't hide it from him. His response was that he was glad she did tell him. He was delighted about Will. He told her he would have been very angry if she had hidden it and still gone on the mission with him, or hidden it and made up some excuse to stay behind, which she doubted she’d have gotten away with anyway.

    “Now, I really must take Will, but we will see you in the morning.”

    Leia finally handed the baby over, then looked back up at Winter. “Thank you, thank you for looking after them. It seems you've spent years taking care of my family when I’ve failed to do so myself.”

    Winter leaned over and kissed her friend’s cheek, but she didn’t say anything, she simply turned and headed for the door.


    It Ain't What You Do, It's The Way That You Do It (And That's What Get's Results)/Melvin Oliver and James Young
     
  24. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004


    Dude! Ya snuck in on me!

    yes... Poor Han.

    And yes... Anakin's still alive... for now.

    Ha Ha
     
  25. pregnantpadme

    pregnantpadme Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 25, 2004
    Chapter 9
    Have I Found You, Flightless Bird?


    Tahiri began to focus; began to separate out the voices in the next room from the dull hum in her head.

    Leia was at it again, was hounding the staff for information, and Tahiri needed to do something, needed to address what was going on outside Anakin’s door; for the poor hapless medics if not for Anakin’s poor mother herself.

    Lifting her head off Anakin’s pillow, she leaned forward and rested her forehead against his temple. She breathed deeply, then whispered into his ear; “I’m going to go out and talk to your family now. They've been waiting not so patiently. I love you.”

    She stood up and smoothed her hand over his head, then bent over and kissed his forehead. “I’ll be back in a bit.”

    Anakin didn’t respond.

    Once she’d turned her back on his family and finally gotten inside his room, she’d come to an abrupt stop at the foot of his bed.

    Anakin lay flat on his back, surrounded by banks of flashing and beeping equipment that she knew was monitoring him and keeping him alive. The absurd thought that he hated lying flat on his back, could never sleep comfortably that way, and that she should ask the staff to turn him onto his side flew through her mind as she tried to process what she was seeing.

    When she finally stepped closer, her attention was drawn to the long, stringy hair fanned out on the pillow under Anakin’s head. His full beard was obscured by the breath mask over his mouth, and again her thoughts were a jumble of mundane ideas; he’d want a haircut and to shave the second he woke up, and she wondered how she’d arrange that in a med ward. She’d known instantly what her mind was doing; it was fighting to drown out the more frightening thought; was he going to wake up?

    He was so pale and so thin; the report she’d read on the shuttle had his estimated weigh listed at less the fifty-five kilos and Tahiri had been sure that was a misprint. She was still breastfeeding and hadn't lost all the weight she’d gained while pregnant, but still only weighed fifty kilos herself and Anakin was nearly fifteen centimeters taller than she was. How could he possibly weigh so little? Then she wondered what had been done to him, where had he been that he’d have lost so much weight, and again she fought the thoughts that intruded on her mind, fought to banish images of Anakin in the hands of Yuuzhan Vong Shapers. She didn’t want to imagine that he’d been hurt the way she had been. Didn't want to imagine that he’d been held and experimented on and all this time she hadn't been looking for him the way he’d looked for her on Yavin Four.

    The beeping of monitoring devices was the only sounds in the room, and contributed to the oppressive and ominous atmosphere.

    Even this close, his presence in the Force felt wrong, murky, and though she was still trying to reach him, he wasn't reaching back, and this scared her and threatened to break her heart all over again.

    Tahiri stepped closer, laid her hand on Anakin’s leg, then slowly trailed her fingers up his body as she took the last steps to reach his side. She ached from the knowledge that this was not going to be the reunion that she had dreamed of for so many months; fought the dread that after all that had happened, after all this time, he’d only been brought back to her so she could watch him die for real.

    Placing her hand over his where it lay at his side, she felt the papery texture and winced, it felt too rough and at the same time too fragile. Ignoring that, she caressed it and leaned toward him. She moved her other hand up to his face, gently stroking his cheek.

    The finally leaned down and pressed her cheek to his, and her mouth next to his ear and whispered, “Anakin, I’m here.”

    But Anakin didn’t respond.


    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
    The voices outside grew louder as Tahiri reached the door, but when she opened it, an uncomfortable silence fell over the room.

    A Mon Cal in a lab coat turned toward her instantly, a look of relief clear on his face, even to her.

    “Agent Veila.” He came toward Tahiri, as though to thank a savior, “I’m Dr. Vogel. I was just explaining to Jedi Solo’s family that I’d received all his test results but I would need your permission to give them any information.”

    “I’m the one who should be giving permission where permission is required.” Leia was muttering, though Tahiri noticed her claim lacked the bite all her earlier claims had, and she prayed Anakin’s mother was finally simmering down. Winter must have worked some of her magic; that would certainly make things easier.

    Looking back to the doctor, Tahiri nodded, “You have my permission to update me with Anakin’s family present.”

    “Of course,” the doctor sighed, his relief palpable. “I’ll just need your signature on this form,” he continued, offering her a large data pad and a stylus with which to sign it, “stating that their presence is acceptable.”

    When Tahiri had given him the pad back, she took a seat in the chair she’d slid near the door to Anakin’s room, effectively blocking the way for anyone else to enter; that done the doctor cleared his throat and addressed the group.

    “I’m pleased to tell you that we know more now than we did this morning and the news is slightly better, but I’ll start at the beginning for those of you who are just getting caught up.

    “Jedi Solo was found comatose aboard a debilitated space craft in the Alaris Expanse. His ship was recovered and he was transported here. We established signs of life, hooked him up to monitoring equipment, and began running evaluations. As is standard with patients not carrying identification, we ran a DNA analysis, which is, of course, how we determined who he was and was able to notify you,” at this he gestured toward Leia and Han.

    “Why,” Jacen asked, “was Intel notified.”

    Tahiri grinned slightly.

    To say that she and Jacen disliked each other was a grotesque understatement. The few memories she did have of Hapes were crystal clear; she remembered being called a worthless dessert whore by Anakin’s brother; she remembered accusing Jacen of being jealous of his brother because he’d never be as smart or talented as Anakin; accusing him of leaving Anakin behind on purpose so he wouldn't have to spend the rest of his miserable life living in his younger brother’s shadow; remembered Han dragging her away from a livid Jacen after she’d used the Force to hurl him into a wall of the refugee tent they were all staying in, causing one side of the structure to collapse.

    Of course Jacen would be the one to ask why she’d been notified. He also might be the one person in the room ignorant of protocol when dealing with returning ‘prisoners of war’.

    Addressing his answer to Jacen, and seemingly oblivious to the tension surrounding him, the doctor happily responded to his question.

    “Well, when the NR became the GA, and the Jedi Council was established, Jedi records became GA records. Your brother’s status as ‘presumed killed in action’ came up when his DNA matched his name. GA Intelligence has immediate jurisdiction over, and debriefs, all returning military personnel, or support units, who have spent time behind enemy lines, if they can be documented. It was really a matter of the standard buttons being pushed and the information being automatically transmitted along the appropriate channels.”

    Tahiri saw the slight smile on Han’s face, practically felt his relief.

    She had been deadly serious when she’d shot her parting salvos about the family not notifying her, knowing that Han wasn't supposed to have comm’d Iella. The doctor’s answer seemed to pacify everyone though, made it seem like it was coincidence that Tahiri had been given the opportunity to aggressively insert herself into the situation - which it was - but it was nice to know that it would have only been an hour later that she could have started that same procedure, thanks to Han.

    She felt sorry for him, didn’t envy the position he was in.

    Seeming satisfied that his answer had pleased, Vogel continued, “as I was saying, the patient’s condition was assessed and what we found is that he has suffered from a prolonged period of exposure to conditions unfavorable to human beings.

    “He appears to have lacked clean water and proper digestible food, both of which have created a host of physical problems, among them reduced liver and kidney function, resulting in his body’s inability to adequately cleanse his blood, which created a state of high toxicity. His glandular system is in an extreme state of disequilibrium, his adrenal glands producing near fatal amounts of adrenaline, likely due to a prolonged period of extreme stress. His pancreas isn’t regulating his blood sugar properly - the list goes on.

    “We've found high quantities of a substance called hematic crystals, a residual byproduct of olbio leaves.”

    “Olbio leaves?” Mara interrupted.

    “Yes, they grow on…”

    It was Leia that interrupted him this time; “He’s been on Myrkr this whole time?”

    Tahiri felt a wave of nausea and leaned forward, her elbows on her knees, her head in her hands.

    “Given that his last known location was on a Yuuzhan Vong worldship in the Myrkr system, that would be my guess,” Vogel answered slowly. “Obviously, we don’t know for sure.”

    A moment passed, and Tahiri finally looked up, realized that Vogel was looking at her expectantly while Anakin’s family sat quietly. “I’m sorry, doctor, please continue.”

    “Yes, well, we found high quantities of this byproduct, which is mildly toxic to humans. It has likely done damage to his digestive system. There were several containers of standard military ration bars found on his ship, and several empty wrappers, indicating that he had attempted to eat some, but he likely wasn't able to hold them down. We won’t know for certain if this was the case, or whether the effects of the damage will be reversible, until he wakes up.”

    “But he’s going to wake up?” Jaina almost pled.

    No one else had dared to ask, and everyone else held their breath for an eternal moment, waiting for the answer.

    “We have him on a Bacta cleansing bypass machine right now, the purpose of which is to cleanse his blood while also cleansing and healing his organs so that they can then do their jobs, which is to cleanse the body. His heart has been stressed to the extreme, all we can do for hyper-adrenaline production is administer counter meds and hope for the best. He’s receiving intravenous fluids, which will balance his body salts, electrolytes, and he’s also receiving intravenous nutrients, which his body has been starved of. All of these things will help, and there is no indication that he will not regain full consciousness, however, there is no way of telling when he might at this point.”

    That certainly wasn't a ‘no’ to Jaina’s question, but it also wasn't the resounding ‘yes’ that Tahiri had been living for.

    Han surprised everyone by asking, “Would a healing trance help?”

    “Ah,” Dr. Vogel responded enthusiastically, the scientist in him shining through, “The Force. To be honest, I do not have a tremendous amount of knowledge of the therapeutic benefits of such things, but I would certainly not be averse to trying. However, I’m under the impression that a patient need be participatory, which, of course, Jedi Solo would not be at this juncture.”

    “No,” Luke said, “But our colleague, Master Cilghal may have some insight.”

    “Yes, a fellow Mon Cal, I read a study of hers once. I’d be interested to hear any of her ideas regarding this case.”

    Before Luke had finished his sentence, Junip had handed Tahiri a data pad. She’d signed it and was handing it to Dr. Vogel before he’d finished speaking, or Luke got a chance to ask Tahiri to consider talking to Cilghal.

    “This is written consent to have Anakin’s medical files transmitted to Master Cilghal. I’m sure Master Skywalker can tell you where to find her.” Tahiri informed the doctor.

    “You had the forms ready?” Mara asked.

    “Of course,” Tahiri snipped dismissively, then winced at the tone of her own voice. She was trying so hard to not be like them, to not give them anything more they could point to when Anakin woke up. “I don’t know what you have Tekli doing right now” —that was a lie, but Tahiri didn’t feel any need to share with the heads of the Jedi Order that she was keeping tabs on any of its members; even Iella didn’t know that—“but maybe bringing her up here wouldn't be a bad idea. She was part of the Strike Team, part of the meld, she’d likely have the best luck working with him on healing trances when the time comes. If he needs help.”

    When everyone just nodded, she asked the doctor to continue, before putting her elbow on the arm of her chair and dropping her forehead onto her fingertips. She rubbed the area where her scars used to be, still a little amazed that the skin itched more with them gone than it did with them there, and thought Anakin’s family really must be crazy to think that after all her years of training, she wouldn't have thought of having the Jedi Healers consult on this.

    “Alright,” Vogel continued, “we have run several cranial scans and there is no brain damage that we've been able to detect thus far. Structurally, the organ appears normal, and brain waves are within standard range, well, standard for Force users according to data I have access to. Now, because we don’t know anything about where he has been or what he has been through, I can’t speak to his mental or emotional condition. That will have to be assessed when the sedative wears off and he regains consciousness again.”

    Tahiri’s head snapped back up, “Again? You had to sedate him?” She jumped from her chair and flew to the window, then turned back to the doctor. “He was awake?”

    “I’m sorry,” the doctor said. “I was under the impression you were aware of that.”

    “I… No. The report I got before I boarded the transport said that he’d been comatose since being picked up, and he hasn't moved since I arrived.”

    “Oh, I apologize. I thought I was to wait to update you until you called for me. There is actually a clinical difference between comatose and unconscious. He was comatose when he arrived. Several hours ago, he entered a state of unconsciousness, the difference being the patient is more responsive to light, sound, and touch, though only mildly so in this case. Had it not been for the change in brain activity registered by the scanner, we likely wouldn't have noticed at first. A patient can linger in a state of unconsciousness for some time, however it is possible to feel pain in this state, which is why we sedated him in order to reset the break to his arm.”

    “Break to his arm?” Luke again.

    “Yes,” the doctor replied. “Because of the morbid malnutrition he has suffered, he’s lost, and I apologize for using this word again, but, an extreme amount of body fat, and consequently his body began to cannibalize lean muscle mass. This all caused a loss of bone density, which poses extreme susceptibility to bone breakage. He was found in the engine room of his ship, on the floor. We don’t know why he was there, as opposed to strapped into the pilot’s chair, but several of the access panels were open…”

    Han sat forward in his chair. “He was trying to fix the sub-light drives.”

    “I’m not certain,” the doctor said, “though due to the condition of the ship, that would be my guess. I would also assume he lost consciousness while working and it was when he fell that his arm was broken. In any event, by the time we were ready to set it, he was no longer comatose—he’d even regained consciousness once, for a few moments—and we didn’t want to risk that he’d feel the procedure, so we sedated him. The effects should be wearing off soon.”

    Tahiri was almost afraid to ask; closed her eyes and balled her hands into fists and pressed them into her thighs as she said the words, “Did he say anything, when he came to?”

    “I don’t want to mislead you, Agent Veila, he was hardly present—didn’t really ‘come to’ per se. He didn’t open his eyes, would not have been aware of his surroundings… he merely mumbled.” Consulting the pad in his hand, the doctor appeared to be scrolling through several screens before finally reaching the one he wanted. “Ah, yes, here we go, ‘patient did not respond to direct questions or commands, did not open eyes, weakly flexed fingers of right hand, murmured in basic; “forty-two” .’ I’m sorry it’s…”

    If the doctor had said anything after that, Tahiri didn’t register it. In a flash she’d wrestled her badge out of her pocket, slid it through the reader and was flying to the bed. Then she was at Anakin’s side, leaning over him and sobbing before the door had closed behind her.

    “I’m here Anakin, I’m here.”
    ~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

    The last time Tahiri had felt this drained was after she’d given birth to Will.

    She’d been in a med center room that night too.

    It had been one-hundred and two hours since Iella had woken her up to tell her that Anakin had been found. Ninety-three since she’d arrived at his side. Ninety-one since she signed the data pad that lifted the ban on Anakin’s family being in his room.

    She’d sat next to Anakin’s bed, perched on a high stool, head on his pillow, left hand holding his, right hand stroking his brow, whispering to him; telling him that she was there, that she loved him, that he was safe, that nothing could harm him, that it was okay for him to wake up when he was ready. She told him how beautiful Will was and that she couldn't wait for him to meet his son.

    She’d only left Anakin’s side a few times.

    She’d gone to the fresher when she couldn't hold it anymore and using the Force was no longer working. She’d showered twice, when Winter had insisted, and had only relented because Will was a sloppy eater and thought it was funny to spit bubbles at his mother while he was nursing, which often left Tahiri—and whatever she was wearing—covered in milk and smelling like a broken-down dairy container.

    The first several times she’d returned to Anakin’s side, she’d elbowed members of his family out of the way so she could resume her place at the head of his bed. They stopped protesting after the third time—finally, she assumed, seeing the futility in their complaints. She wasn't going to give in, she wasn't going anywhere, so if they didn’t want her to kick them back out to the waiting room, they had better shut up, as she’d told them earlier, and get out of her way.

    She’d left for a few minutes to meet with the Intel agent Iella had sent over to take over Anakin’s case. Iella had finally decided that Tahiri had enough on her mind and wouldn't want to be dealing with ‘procedure’ when Anakin did finally wake. Tahiri had agreed to sign the case over on the condition that she be named supervising agent so she could still control who entered Anakin’s room - just in case Leia got cranky again and stopped cooperating with Tahiri.

    Tahiri had balked at the idea of leaving in order to eat, and only did so when Bram or Junip had brought food trays in and reminded her that if she didn’t eat Will wouldn't be able to.

    She’d also moved to make way for the droids and techs, and the doctor himself.

    Anakin’s breath mask had been removed when his lungs had rested enough and he was finally able to breathe on his own. The Bacta bypass machine had been taken away, though Vogel had made it clear that it could very well be brought back if Anakin’s blood gases were to rise back up towards toxic levels. The splint had been taken off his right arm, the bone having healed quickly, much to Vogel’s surprise. The only glaringly obvious signs of medical support still evident where the hydration and nutrient IV’s attached to one arm. Other than those, the stringy hair, the beard, the painful thinness, the jaundiced skin tone, and the deep purple rings under his eyes, he looked exactly how he had when Tahiri had said goodbye to him at Eclipse.

    She spent a lot of those long hours crying again, and had a few times chuckled to herself for thinking that she had actually reached a point where she had stopped.

    She continued to sit, on her perch, head back on Anakin’s pillow, whispering to him, telling him more of what she had been saying already.

    At some point someone had brought the couch in from the observation area and wedged it into the corner of the room, but Tahiri couldn't remember who or when. Han was on it now, Will asleep in his arms. Winter and Jaina were curled up on either side of Han, asleep as well. Jacen and Luke were on the floor, legs crossed, meditating like the good little Jedi they were. Mara was next to Tahiri, her own head resting on the bed next to Anakin’s legs. Leia was across from Tahiri, sitting up straight, stroking her son’s arm.

    Tahiri closed her eyes; thought that maybe she’d allow herself to give in to her exhaustion for just a moment, let sleep overtake her. She’d technically not slept since she got here, only allowing herself occasional meditation trances, each of them only long enough to beat back some of the fatigue so she could hang on for a few more hours. She took in a long, deep breath, and was on the verge of oblivion when she felt Anakin’s fingers lightly press against hers.

    Her head shot up and she looked at their joined hands and tried to figure out if she had imagined the pressure, but before she had worked it out a dim light began to glow softly in her mind. Anakin was reaching for her in the Force.

    It was like he was surfacing from below water, from the depths of a deep cloudy pool. She felt the light in her mind grow brighter as his presence got stronger, felt the place inside of her that had always belonged to him begin to thaw after months of icy cold. She closed her eyes again, allowed herself to sink down, felt herself meet him in the shadowy depths, and felt his recognition and relief at finally having found her. He showed her the soul-crushing loneliness he’d been feeling for so long, his desperation to get home, the confusion and pain he felt at not knowing where he was now, his fear that something had happened to her. She could feel his struggle to understand what was going on; was he feeling her physically or only in the Force? Was he dead? He didn’t seem to understand whether he’d actually see her if he opened his eyes, or if he could open his eyes.

    Tahiri reached back, wrapped her mind around his like a blanket, warm and comforting. Told him, with emotion this time, instead of words, that he was safe and he was home and that they were okay. She felt him acknowledge and accept what she was trying to convey, then felt him relax and gently slip back away from her.

    She opened her eyes and stood up, tears once again streaking down her face. She lifted their clasped hands, rested them on Anakin’s chest, used her other hand to smooth her thumb over his forehead and whispered, “I’m right here, Anakin, I love you. I’ll wait as long as you need me to.”

    As if that was all he had ever needed to hear, Anakin’s eyes began to flutter and Tahiri thought her heart would beat out of her chest.

    “That’s right, Anakin, open your eyes for me. You’re safe now, you’re home.”

    His eyes finally opened and the ice blue she thought she’d never see again gazed right up at her.

    A sob escaped her, then Tahiri laughed and, stroking his head tenderly, she whispered, “Hi.”

    Anakin’s lids fluttered closed again for a second, then opened lazily and he mouthed, “… forty-two.”

    Tahiri laughed again and leaned down to kiss his forehead, then his cheek. “Yes, Anakin, forty-two.”

    Anakin’s eyes closed again, for a longer moment. When he opened them, he asked, “You… okay?”

    She sniffed and bit her lip, trying to control her voice enough to answer. “I am now. I’ve missed you so much.”

    “Will?”

    She nodded her head a little frantically, her chest aching that Anakin remembered their son. “Yes, he’s here.”

    “Okay?” Anakin whispered again.

    “He’s perfect, and he looks just like you.”

    Anakin’s eyes drifted closed again, but a small satisfied smile graced his dry, cracked lips before he whispered haltingly, “Poor kid. Hoped… look… like you.”

    She raised Anakin’s hand to her lips before saying, “No, he’s beautiful, just like his father.”

    “See him?” Anakin hadn't even tried to open his eyes to make the request and Tahiri could tell he was drifting off again.

    She leaned back in to whisper once more. “Rest, Anakin, he’ll be here when you wake up. You’ll see him when you wake up.”

    She was pretty sure he didn’t hear her, but he surprised her by saying, “Now,” his hoarse voice slightly louder than before, and clearly agitated.

    “Okay, okay.” Tahiri looked up instantly, looked for help, and found it in Han, who was already coming towards her with Will, who was still sleeping soundly.

    She reached over, took the baby, and lay his little head on the pillow next to his father’s.

    “Anakin,” she whispered. “Here he is, here’s your son.”

    Anakin’s eyes opened slowly, and with great effort, he turned his head, and there was no mistaking the wonder and joy he felt when he saw Will.

    Tahiri felt, rather than saw, that Anakin wanted to touch him, so she reached over, took his hand, the one that Leia had been holding, and brought it up to their baby’s head, helped Anakin run his fingers over the delicate skin, the downy hair, and then down his arm

    “Hold him.”

    Tahiri nodded, then shifted Will onto Anakin’s chest and guided both of his hands up to hold their baby in place. When she had them settled, Anakin looked back up at her, tears running from his eyes now too, and mouthed, “Thank you,” before closing his eyes, and joining his son in sleep.


    Flightless Bird, American Mouth/Samuel Beam
     
    Force Smuggler likes this.