Before Fragments of Illusion - drabbles - Update 4/3/10

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by dianethx, May 13, 2008.

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  1. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I've been writing drabbles for quite a long time and never really put them all in one place. So I'll be reposting some but mostly they will be new to the boards here. Enjoy.

    Disclaimer: I do not own Qui-Gon Jinn or Obi-Wan Kenobi or the Star Wars concept; Lucasfilm does. I am very respectfully borrowing them with no intent to profit. No credits have changed hands. No copyright infringement is intended.
    This one is new.


    Title: Please
    Characters: Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan
    Summary: That day, that hour, that minute
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "Please?" I choked on desperation.

    Qui-Gon lay in my lap. My heart waited for him to say it was only a flesh wound, that he'd be up in moments. That everything would be all right. That he loved me.

    The words didn't come. Only gurgling agony, life fleeing beneath my hands.

    A single breath, hitching and the long slow exhale.

    In desperation, my hand pushed at the hole in his chest, trying to plug it, trying to turn back time.

    And I waited for the next breath to start the cycle over again.

    "Please," I begged.

    There was only silence.


    />
  2. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Drabbles are incredibly difficult to write, I think, and it's impressive to see how much meaning flows from so few words in this drabble (as well as the others you've written :) ). This moment can be a frenzy of thoughts, despair, denial, etc, but you've whittled it down to the raw core: Desperation, waiting for words that are never spoken, and silence. A beautiful piece that touches the heart. I look foward to more drabbles, of course! :D
  3. Valairy Scot Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    Wonderful - the despair is so palpable. Words begging and receiving only silence - silence was never so loud.
  4. dimyavie Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 3, 2006
    star 1
    That drabble was so sad! The silence really got to me since I could hear Obi-Wan pleading and getting no answer :( Beautifully done!
  5. micky-nikki Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 1
    I love drabbles. The way you use only a handful of words to convey such emotion is awe-inspiring. Very well done. I hope to see more soon!
  6. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    A heartrenching plea , with no answer.

    Wonderful drabble.=D=
  7. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    :_|:_|:_|:_|

    That was heartbreaking but beautifully written.

    Looking forward to more

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  8. jedidas3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2007
    star 3
    Wonderful job, Master!=D= I agree that drabbles are very hard to write but as with all your other works, you manage to do it splendidly. The heartache simply leaps off the page. Anxiously waiting for more.
  9. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    I can't believe that I missed this earlier! :oops: Please PM me if you update this series. As always, your words are wonderfully powerful. =D=
  10. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Such economical sadness. :_| Poor Obi-Wan. This AU seems so much worse for him than TPM. Poor, poor Obi-Wan.

  11. Jinngerbread Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 2, 2007
    star 4
    This is just such a very sad drabble, Diane. Just heart wrenching.

    I definitely need to read something sweet and mushy now.
  12. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    :_| :_|

    That was so sad! :_|

    Poor Obi-Wan! :( And Qui-Gon!! :_|

    That was so very well written, though, like everyone has said. [face_love] I'm very impressed that you managed to pack so much emotion in just a hundred words. =D=

    The title says 'drabbles,' so that means there will be more of these, riiight? [face_batting]
  13. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    LuvEwan - for some reason, I don't have much problem writing drabbles. I always start with the last line because I feel it's the most important one. It's more a matter of coming up with the right scenario. In this case, I actually based it on my experience with my mom dying. But I didn't want to mention that up front, though.

    I will have some funny ones and some you will recognize from the old Qui-Gon challenge thread. But I've been writing drabbles ever since that thread died. Thanks!


    Valairy_Scot ? Thanks. I wanted people to feel the moment. Glad you liked it.


    dimyavie ? I'm happy that you liked it. It was a moment that had to be written. Thanks!


    micky-nikki ? I love drabbles, too. They are just wonderful little nuggets of scenes that beg to be written. Glad you liked it.


    Gkilkenny ? Thanks. I'm happy it came across and that people liked it.


    KELIA ? Glad that you liked it. Yes, there are more. I have a few already written that I'll post from time to time. Plus I get prompts from my LJ group. Thanks for reading.


    jedidas3 ? Ah, my padawan. Perhaps it's something we should work on together. Drabbles are a lot of fun and they really force you to pare down the emotion into a few words. Glad you liked it.


    VaderLVR64 ? Sure be glad to PM you. Thanks. I'm glad you liked it.


    ardavenport ? I love how drabbles make you pare it down into the essence. I tend to be overly descriptive and drabbles make it difficult to go overboard. Thanks.


    Jinngerbread ? thanks. But you responded on LJ already! But thanks for doing it again. Go read mush.


    Bastet ? Poor both of them. Thanks. I love to distill down the emotion into the essence of it all. The heartbreak is there. All I did was write it down. Yes, there are more drabbles. I have a few to post and I'll be writing more in the meantime. Thanks for reading.
  14. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Don't worry. It won't be all doom and gloom. I will be posting humorous as well as sad ones.

    The old Qui-Gon Jinn Challenge thread was a great source of inspiration and I posted this one there long, long ago so a few of you may not have read it. However, this one compliments the last drabble. Enjoy!
    Title: Dreams pass in time
    Characters: Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan
    Summary: Obi-Wan is having bad dreams
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    "Obi-Wan."

    Sleepy murmur. "Not now, Master. Tired."

    "Padawan, listen...."

    "No!" A furious shout and abruptly, General Kenobi awoke. Kicking off tangled sheets, still half-groggy with exhaustion, he sat up, scowling into the darkened room.

    Silence. No one there.

    Regret caught in his throat. Of course, there was no one there. There never was. His Master was dead, long ago. So long ago.

    "I'm going mad," Obi-Wan whispered into the night. "Or I soon will be."

    The dark breathed, "Padawan...."

    But he ignored it. That way lay insanity.

    "Dreams pass in time." Laying back down, he begged, "Force, let them pass."

    />
  15. jedidas3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2007
    star 3
    Absolutely heartwrenching but so beautifully done! =D= Your ability to paint such a agonizing scene in just a few words is magnificent. I could feel Obi's anguish simply leap off the the page. Wow! I'm in awe![:D]
  16. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    The dark breathed, "Padawan...."

    But he ignored it. That way lay insanity.

    "Dreams pass in time." Laying back down, he begged, "Force, let them pass."


    Poor Obi-Wan! :_|

    Powerful and lovely. =D=
  17. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4


    So sad, if only Obi-Wan would give in to his heart and open it up.[face_not_talking]
    He would hear his master calling him.[face_love]
    I think in Obi-Wans eyes he does not believe "There is no death only the force"

    His Master died with anothers name on his lips, and Obi-Wan feels he does not deserve to hear his master. So he wont[face_shame_on_you]

    Beautiful.=D=
  18. azizah Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Sep 4, 2006
    star 1
    :_| How beautifully sad.

    I laughed at your note - Don't worry. It won't be all doom and gloom. I will be posting humorous as well as sad ones.

    But those are my favorites. [face_blush]

    It is interesting that you write the last line first. I am going to store that bit of advice away for the day I try my hand at drabbles.

    Looking forward to more, azizah
  19. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    jedidas3 ? Thanks. Glad you liked it. I thought it was a good companion piece to the first one. I really like writing more angsty things! As you can tell. Thanks for reading.

    VaderLVR64 ? thanks. Yes, poor Obi-Wan. Thinking he's going crazy and all along it was Qui-Gon trying to talk to him. Glad you liked it.

    Gkilkenny ? It is sad that Obi thinks that he's going crazy rather than Qui-Gon trying to talk to him. Thanks.

    azizah ? LOL on the sad ones. I must admit I like sad ones a lot. But I do like humor, too. It's actually harder to write humor, I think, but lots of fun. Yes, at least for drabbles, I find the last line really needs punch. Otherwise, it might not stay with the reader as much. Thanks!

    Title: Vader
    Characters: Vader, Luke
    Timeframe: ROTJ
    Summary: the scene on Endor when Luke goes to see his father


    So young, proud, sure of the Light, his blue eyes do the impossible. How can he know that under the prison of a thousand heinous acts, I am still that young child crying for his mother, still mourning a wife that loved too well the monster within?

    Turning away from his eager hope, I catch the reflection of dread armor, of a fiend encased in a black coffin, drowning in innocent blood.

    The boy is wrong.

    There is nothing left of Anakin; there is only Vader.

    "Luke, it's too late for me, son."

    And I lead him to his fate.



    />
  20. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    "Luke, it's too late for me, son."

    And I lead him to his fate.


    Stunning, as always. :_| =D=
  21. jedidas3 Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 25, 2007
    star 3
    :eek: Wow! Such power, such intensity! Well done, my Master! =D= =D=
  22. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    Dreams pass in time:

    "I'm going mad," Obi-Wan whispered into the night. "Or I soon will be."

    Love that line. Don't know why but it fits Obi-Wan, his tone, his mindset, so well. This drabble was so haunting, it's been stuck in my head since I read it. :eek:

    Vader:

    I liked that Vader referred to his wife as loving the monster too much. Very true of Padme, but not so easy to articulate in the correct way. These drabbles truly are a graceful mixture of poetry and prose. Keep 'em comin'! [face_dancing]
  23. Gkilkenny Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 27, 2004
    star 4
    He recognised it was too late for him.

    Well done[face_dancing]
  24. KELIA Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 26, 2005
    star 6
    :_|:_|:_|:_|

    Thankfully Vader was wrong...but what a heartbreaking moment in time.

    Great update

    =D= =D= =D= =D=
  25. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    VaderLVR64 ? Glad you liked it. It's one of my favorites.

    jedidas3 ? Thanks. I try?. :D

    LuvEwan ? I did like that one. Poor Obi-Wan. So haunted. Thinking he was going crazy. Thanks. I think drabbles can really force you to choose words carefully. Just glad yo are enjoying them.[face_blush]

    Gkilkenny ? Thanks for reading.

    KELIA ? I think it was one of the most heartbreaking in ROTJ. Thanks.


    Now for something lighter for the weekend. One of my older pieces....

    Title: Reading aloud
    Characters: Obi-Wan, Qui-Gon
    Summary: Even good diction can't always make things better.
    -- -- -- -- -- -- -- -- --


    "My adored one, your ardent eyes consume my being with... Obi-Wan, women like this sort of thing?"

    "Absolutely. Only yesterday, Master Tahl was reading it and smiling a lot."

    "Hummmm... my heart aflame, burning with desire for your fervent touch, every.... I can't believe it. I would have thought Tahl had better taste. She liked this?"

    "Well, she kept quoting it."

    "Passionate kisses sear my.... this is impossible. In the Force's name, why does Tahl want me to read this to her?"

    "She said bad writing sounds better when you read it."

    "And...?"

    "And... she needed a good laugh."

    "Obi-Wan!!!"


    />
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