Freedom in Death (quasi-JA)

Worry and indecision. Both were deadly to concentration. Both plagued Qui-Gon Jinn on the short hop to Maeli?s ship. It was only a matter of five minutes to travel from the Hapan flagship to the much smaller Escape. For a mind beleaguered with doubt, five minutes was almost an eternity.

He?d failed his Padawan. Somehow, he?d missed something. A lesson, an exercise. There was something he hadn?t done.

Or, even worse, the council could be right. He recalled the words of Master Windu.

She is too old. They do become unteachable when they grow older. There is a reason the Code warns against it.

What if he was right? What if, after eight years, he would learn that Maelisaandii simply didn?t have what it took to be a Jedi Knight?

Even as one part of his mind entertained that thought, the rest of him cried that it couldn?t be true. He refused to believe that she was incapable. She only needed time and study. Unfortunately, these were two things she couldn?t have. She had a legacy, a destiny to fulfill. It screamed at him whenever she came near. The most painful thing was that there came a point when he could no longer help her. She had to make the choice herself, and the sacrifices that would follow.

There was a point when he would have to let her go. When he could no longer help her. That point had come, against his will. Against his efforts to delay it. The time of passage had come, and Qui-Gon was not sure if she was ready.

There weren?t words to describe Qui-Gon?s helplessness. In the privacy of the fighter, his shoulders bowed with the weight of responsibility. His Padawan might be lost, and there wasn?t anything he could do. There would be a time when he couldn?t be there to pull her away from darkness. Even worse ? he could not shake the feeling that this was somehow his fault.

Along with all this came the disappointment. Despite his denial, he knew that to take on responsibility for his Padawan?s actions would be denying her respect for her choices.

Even if they are bad ones.

For all his experience, Qui-Gon felt completely confused. No one had warned him about this. His mind whirled, trying to figure out what he could have done, so things would be different, until something cut into the circular pattern of his thoughts.

A rush of joyous power. It was not coming from him... the Escape loomed in his viewscreen.

Maelisaandii.

He reached out to her... and found none of the despair that had obscured her resolve earlier. Now there was only a triumphant happiness, a tremendous power, as though someone had opened a portal directly into the Force.

I knew it!! I knew she could do it!

Qui-Gon?s heart leapt and the weight left him. She did it. She conquered the anger at last. Qui-Gon grinned, almost laughed with relief, knowing that his Padawan had truly grown up. She didn?t need him.

Curious, how that knowledge was now a source of joy, where it had caused him only anguish a moment before. The hangar doors opened to accept his fighter, but he barely noticed himself guiding the small craft to its rest.

My child has grown up.

This time he did laugh, letting go all of the tension that had plagued him for... had it really been only a few days?

But there was something else, as the wave of her connection to the Force crested over him, he could feel that it wasn?t quite perfect. There was a sorrow tainting her joy

Oh, gods. No...

Qui-Gon didn?t even finish the thought. He was halfway to his student?s cabin before the full implications of his thought hit him.

She will die. Surely.

That thought filled him with dread. It was true that Master and Padawan had a special relationship ? father-and-child was the closest thing to describe it. At any rate, Qui-Gon feared for his student as he had never feared for himself.

Halting at her quarters, he peered through the open door anxiously.

There she was, kneeling on the floor, her back to him. A light seemed to shine from within her, bathing her in a blue aura.

~Maelisaandii~ he thought to her. He needn?t have both

 

?I am truly sorry, Master,? said Maelisaandii as she lowered the Gun of Command.

It hurt her to look and the blank expression on Qui-Gon?s face. She did anyway, looking straight into his blue eyes.

?Go back to the cockpit,? she said, successfully keeping a quaver out of her tone, ?and go to sleep.?

He turned sharply, like a tin soldier and marched down the corridor. When he disappeared from her sight, so did all thought of him that might distract her. She clipped her lightsaber on her belt and stalked away from her teacher, her life, and her past

 

The Queen was not happy. No, scratch that. She was downright furious. Lately, the Queen?s fury was something to be avoided at all costs. Captain Grychhta had heard stories about people who brought her bad news, and they left even the toughened soldier quaking in her boots.

For the love of all that is good and holy!

?Hey, you drew the short stick, Cap,? said her lieutenant. ?C?mon, be a good example to us grunts, and get your rear in gear.?

Grychhta glared at her subordinate. ?Maybe this would be a good time to start delegating my responsibilities, Aleina.?

?Oooh, no, ma?am. This is your party. I pity you.?

Maybe she could just ignore the sensor readings. At the same time, her military-trained mind was berating her for her cowardice.

Or she could delete them. No, that wouldn?t work either. She sighed. There was just no escaping it.

?Sithspit, Maeli?Saandii,? she groaned, ?why couldn?t you just go away and stay there??

But there she was, the data beeped cheerfully at her that a fighter from the Blissful Escape would be landing in the hangar in less than two minutes.

Sith!

What the frell did that girl think she could accomplish by coming back? Pallak was dead. The moment that knife had killed the youngest princess, all hope of ever regaining civilization in the Consortium had crumpled in the place guards.

And just when life couldn?t possibly get any worse...

Well, there was no point in delaying it. Grychhta copied the sensor data onto a datacard and made her way to the throne room.

?We?ll bring a broom!? Aleina shouted at her back, ?To sweep up the pieces.?

The Hapan Captain threw her a murderous glare and shoved open the door.

?Your Highness,? she began, dropping her gaze and falling to one knee. She never got a chance to continue. The Queen?s head lifted, her arm flew out, and Grychhta rose into the air, an invisible fist closing around her throat.

?What do you want?!? she roared, in a voice not her own.

Oh gods, she?s losing it!

?My Queen,? she choked, ?Our sensors have revealed...? she ran out of breath and began to cough violently.

The fist released her, bringing her crashing to the floor in a heap.

?What?? the Ta?a Chume hissed. Her eyes were wildly glowing behind her veils.

?Your daughter... Maeli?Saandii...? she wheezed, ?Is returning. We... have her fighter on our screens.?

The Queen growled. ?Bring her in. Alive.? There was no need to elaborate on what would happen if Maeli somehow died inbound. ?Now leave me.?

Grychhta gathered her breath and marched out, not giving in to the impulse to run and hide.

 

The cockpit filled with music, notes floating softly through the recycled air. Its occupant was humming. A sad sort of song, sung with the bittersweet knowledge that she carried. Its composer was from Gallinore, and had spent years wandering in the forests of living gems. She was an eccentric person, but had produced some of the most beautiful music the Consortium had ever known. She had committed suicide at the age of thirty-four, depriving the galaxy of her music forever. This particular song was the last one she wrote, scant days before she ended her own life. It was her most soulful, Maelisaandii thought. The one that spoke to her the most.

Maelisaandii continued her humming/singing. It seemed appropriate, somehow. This song held a bit of foreboding, and foreboding was exactly what Maelisaandii was experiencing. She knew she might die today. She had known that for years, that each day might be her last. Some more than others, but today... especially today.

?You will step out of the cockpit, please.?

The music stopped. She hadn?t even noticed that she had landed in the palace once more. She popped the canopy, gazing passively at the armed guards that were to take her to the Queen. There was reluctance on their faces. She sent her thoughts out, probing them. They didn?t want to take her. They knew, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that the Ta?a Chume would kill her.

Don?t worry, she thought, knowing they couldn?t hear, It?ll be alright.

?Go away,? she whispered, fixing each with her gaze and wrapping them all with a soft blanket of the Force. The Queen wouldn?t kill them. They would leave. Right now. And they did. Good.

?Don?t worry,? she murmured at their receding backs, ?I?ll take care of her.?

She hopped gracefully down from her fighter, giving its flank a final pat. It, and its mother, had served her well.

Beginning to hum again, she glided down the corridor. This time the song was different. Faster. Lighter. A song of anticipation.

?I?m coming, Mother, coming,? she sang softly to the tune of the music.

Music. It was so beautiful. Too bad she had not had time to notice it before. Oh, she?d done the minimum. Taken lessons because it was the fashionable thing to do. Practiced because she had to. Never realizing that a soul could be contained in a few bars, a person in a page of black markings. A story could be told with sounds. If she ever could, she decided she would like to tell her own story with music. Perhaps it was too late. Perhaps Qui-Gon could do it for her when she... well, there was no guarantee about that.

The darkness was waiting.

 

Holy smokes Maelisaandii, quite the post. I'm glued to my seat in anticipation of more.

 

Thanks, HealerLeona! I really appreciate the comments you've been making.

*************

?YEEEAAAAARRRRGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!?

The Ta?a Chume, or what was left of her shrieked its frustration to the skies, flailing about in mindless anger. Chairs were thrown and tapestries torn from the walls. They flew around the room like mangled corpses at odd angles. Inside, what was left of Maelisaandii?s mother cowered in silence. The Other knew it couldn?t have her.

Gather your strength.

Somehow she managed to hide her thoughts from herself. She would need this. This one last time. Closing in upon herself, she waited. Death would come soon, for her and her daughter. As much as she tried to find herself saddened by the realization that Maeli would not live another day, she found that she could only think that today... today was a good day to die.

The door opened.

The Other didn?t even give Maelisaandii a chance to speak. It screamed in rage and hurled a ball of dark fire at the young Jedi. It swept over her face, singing hair and permanently blacking out her royal-blue vision.

?I don?t need my eyes to see you, Daman,? she said, with beatific calm, her voice carrying no pain. There was no pain.

The Queen felt her reach out. Felt her dig her intangible fingers into the Ta?a Chume?s soul, trying to pry the black spirit out. She was trying to save her mother.

Oh Sith. Just kill me.

She panicked. She didn?t want to live. She was tired. Tired of living.

I want you to kill me!

Distantly, she felt her body shriek and rail. The Other picked Maelisaandii up and bodily threw her against the far wall. A sickening crunch heralded a broken leg. She was wasting time.

Damn it, Maelisaandii!

~I will save you~

I don?t want to be saved.

She stood up, amazingly, on both legs. Ignoring the pain, she advanced on the Other, extending a Force shield around her body. Again her mind began to pry the Other away from the Queen.

No! I won?t let you do this to me!

As though the Other was trying to kill Maelisaandii with sound vibrations, it began to scream louder. It screamed because Maelisaandii was succeeding.

NOOOOOOOO!!

The Ta?a Chume shuddered at the thought of another minute being trapped in this body. With the Other, she had no control over herself. Without it, she would die slowly and painfully, robbed of her beauty in the end. She couldn?t do that. Never. Never. This was it, the moment she been gather all her strength for. Without bothering to think, she tore her body away from the Other. One second. Just one. That was all she needed. She pulled a blaster out of her robes and pointed it straight at her daughter?s heart. The Other realized too late. A red bolt sizzled out of the gun. And the Queen began to laugh.

The red bolt moved in slow motion, creeping its way towards the Hapan princess. It never reached her- her Jedi instincts kicked in and drew her lightsaber, not giving its owner a chance to think. It flashed brightly for a moment, sending the deadly blast back. Back to where it belonged. Straight in the Queen?s chest. Leaving a smoldering black hole. And the Queen laughed.

I wish I was sorry to leave you, Maeli. But I?m not, not really. I haven?t had much practice being selfless. Good luck, but I?m sure you?ll be joining me soon.

And with that thought, she ran to embrace the blissful nothingness that she had dreamed of for so long, leaving her second-born daughter alone with the Other.

 

Argh, I know there's a post around here somehweres... Come out come out wherever you are!

 

WOW! With each post you send my heart racing. And now I have a dreadful feeling that Maelisaandii may not survive. Tell me I'm wrong, or better yet, post more.

 

Now that I'm done with skool... this is a tribute to how I feel every morning.

***********

Such pretty blue swirls they were, though. He floated in them. Quietly. Calmly. Nothing could disturb him. Not while he was here, wherever here was. It was a little familiar. He often visited this place in his dreams. Only now it was tinted blue. Yes blue like the sky... like his eyes... like... his Padawan?s eyes. Yes. More like her eyes. It was darker. Royal blue. Yes. There was something else this blue reminded him of. Blue swirls. Emerging from... from... what was it? A gun. AHA! That was it. A blue gun. No, the swirls were blue, and the gun was black. And Maelisaandii was holding it. Better. Maelisaandii was holding it... and she was going to leave. No, she left already, probably.

I should wake up.

Just five more minutes. It was so comfortable in here. In this... cockpit?

Qui-Gon swam laboriously towards consciousness. His entire body was screaming at him that it wanted to sleep. It needed to sleep, it was supposed to sleep. But he had a job to do. What that was... he?d think about that when he woke up. A little blearily, he summoned the Force to help him a little and burst through the fog. He rubbed his eyes and yawned. All things aside, that was the most restful sleep he?d had in a long time. Too bad his body was so determined to stay that way.

Maelisaandii!

The events of the past few hours came crashing back down on him. She?d gone back. He looked at the chronometer. Had he really been asleep for two hours?

Force! She?s already there!

Trying to keep calm, he set the coordinates into the Escape?s computer. The Battle Dragon could get there much faster than a single starfighter. Cursing himself and his hesitation, he sent the craft into hyperspace.

 

Hurry Qui-Gon before your last encounter with her turns into a tragic death scene.

Don't want that to happen.

 

One didn?t need to see evil in order to know it was there. Maelisaandii knew she would probably never see anything again. But, somehow, that fact failed to register. She concentrated at the task at hand, impossible though it was. Well, it was easier than before. Now that the Other had no host to take energy from, it would only be a matter of time before its energy reserves ran out and it went back into its roaming, dormant state.

All she needed to do was stay alive until then.

Easier said than done.

The evil spirit no longer had any ambitions of trying to take her. It knew she was too strong.

Hah.

In this, she had triumphed. Death was not so bad. At least she hadn?t killed herself. Although...

I?ll never be a Jedi.

That thought did trouble her. It was her ambition, what she had dedicated her whole entire life to. Ah well. Life was full of disappointments, unfulfilled dreams. Death even more so.

But, though the Other knew it could have her soul, it could still kill that which it had wanted. Her body. And try it did. She felt herself rise into the air, even as she tried to use the Force against it. It had had, she realized, a lot of practice. And time to think about just how exactly to kill someone, in the most painful way. And then she was flying into the air, unable to stop herself, unable to even see where she was going. Until she hit. Her shoulder cracked painfully against the wall, setting nerve centers afire. As if they weren?t already. But, somehow, the Force gave her strength to bear it. For now.

It tried to lift her again.

I?m staying. Right. Here.

She refused to move. For a moment she could feel it straining against her, and then gaining power. Until she couldn?t hold on anymore and flew headlong towards the ceiling. More of its dark fire surrounded her on the way up, and though she couldn?t see the burns, she knew that her skin was being burned away. She was unconscious before she hit the ground again.

 

Since I've written the rest, and there isn't a whole lot left, I'm going to go ahead and post the rest tonight.
Hope you enjoy!

******************

Run. He had to run? faster. She was still alive. He could reach her, she was there, but weak. So weak. She is dying.

No... not that. Not now.

He ran. He left the hangar, and the twin fighters from the Escape behind. The guards were no match for his speed, for the Force helped him. He streaked through the halls like chocolate-and-tan lightning. Why were the hallways so long? Past bewildered soldiers, guards, courtiers- they tried to stop him once. Maybe twice. Can?t remember.

Have to reach her.

Dying, my Padawan is dying. And she is not alone. Not dying alone. There is a darkness with her.

The Other isn?t dead.

Mustn?t be angry. Anger feeds it. Fear feeds it. There is no anger. Only peace. Calm.

A large, burly man blocked his path. It didn?t matter. Nothing did.

I?m sorry, he thought. You don?t understand.

The man fell back, clutching his throat. Qui-Gon let go as soon as the way was clear, leaving only gasping noises behind him.

There! There was the door to the throne room. There was the desk... the foyer was empty, everyone had fled in fear. There was the tapestry of the Demon, horrific in its imagery. No matter. The door- that mattered. He threw it open.

No. By the Force, no!

The room was demolished. Decorations burned away, hangers dangling at sharp angles, furniture thrown around like so many matchsticks. And in the middle of the room, his Padawan hung suspended in the air by a black spirit. She was hanging limp, head thrown back. He couldn?t see her face.

The temptation to rage was there, but Qui-Gon was a Jedi Knight. The anger was gone, the fear was gone. The Force was with him.

Steeling himself for a confrontation, Qui-Gon gave the thing a rough equivalent of a shove with the Force. He spoke to it, a paragon of calm coldness.

?Go.?

Away from my Padawan, damn you.

It turned, throwing its horrific gaze on him, letting its prey fall heavily to the floor. A step ahead, Qui-Gon caught his student gently, lowering her to the floor as soft as a whisper. His clear blue eyes were fixed on the sickening sight of her attacker.

If nothingness could have a face, this would be it. All black, it was like a void. A void with a face. Inexplicable, how he could distinguish the features of something that was only one shade... darkness. He shouldn?t be able to, but it was obvious that those were eyes, they tried to pierce to his soul.

That was its mouth, curled in a terrifying sneer.

~You!~ It shrieked ~You stole her from me! She should have been MINE! You trained her to resist me~

~And I trained her well~ Qui-Gon ?spoke? unemotionally.

~I?ll KILL you!~ the thing howled. But a small smile appeared on Qui-Gon Jinn?s face.

?No.?

The Force was everywhere, ready to help him. He beckoned it, spinning its joyous lightness into a cloak, a shield that protected him from darkness.

?You will kill no one else.?

The power he was using now was tiring, but he did not feel it. He began to project his light. Slowly, carefully, inexorably. He formed the good, the light, into a tight beam, channeling it from everywhere. From the molecules in the air, everything. The beam pierced the black thing, right in its bleak heart.

It screamed, a scream that hurt the Jedi?s mind terribly. Then it went berserk, throwing ruined furniture at him. A heavy chair pummeled his shoulder, but he paid it no heed.

The beam expanded, beginning to consume the spirit.

~Nooooooo!!!~

But it was weaker... and weakening. Qui-Gon fed more light into it, mercilessly. Calm was his, there was no emotion. The Force was his ally.

~NO! NONONONONOOOONoooononononononoooooooooo!~

It screamed, becoming quieter. It could not keep up its frenzy. In a last, desperate attempt to stop the light, it sent a huge table leg into the small of the Jedi?s broad back.

Qui-Gon fell to his knees, a grimace of pain on his face.

 

There was blood. She was lying in her own blood. Blood... everywhere. Qui-Gon?s breath caught in his throat. He knelt by his Padawan, trying to turn her over. Weakly, she struggled away. Her thoughts reached him.

Goawayawayaway. I want to die now. Now. Alone. Let me die alone. Leave me alone.

?Shhh... Maeli,? he whispered, using her sister?s childhood name for her, ?Its only me.?

~Calm. Be calm. Still. I won?t let them hurt you.~

?Master?? Her voice was cracked, weak. She coughed.

Damaged lungs.

?Yes. Quiet. Don?t try to talk.?

He finally got her turned over, into a comfortable position. She lay contentedly in his arms, like she knew it would be all right now, but nothing could have prepared Qui-Gon for the heart-wrenching sight...

No! Please, no.

His gut twisted as he shook his head. She couldn?t see him. She would never see anything again. The right side of her face was gone, replaced by a gaping, open wound. Her eye was gone, the other stared fixedly at nothing. The optical nerves were destroyed. So beautiful... her eyes had been the deepest shade of blue-violet he had ever seen. Gone now. Tears welled in his eyes. There was no hope, now he knew. But he probed her, finding the wrong things. There was just too much. She was bleeding internally. Heavily. Burns as well, of every degree. Through the torn dress, he could see the burned skin. Gone. Her beauty was gone. The pain from his own wounds now seemed immaterial, and his heart ached liked it never did for himself.

Oh no, please no. Not my student.

How he longed to tell her that it would be all right! They would go to the Temple. The Healers would do their work. But no. He could not give her false hopes. She was dying now. Never make it in time. He bowed his head, cradling her gently.

~I can?t see you. I wish I could see you, Master~

~I wish you could too, Maelisaandii.~

But all he could do was project his thoughts into her mind, and hope that was enough. How unfair...

~Don?t be sad, Master. I did it. My mother is free now. I'm alright.~

The thought reached him softly. Triumphantly.

~I am sorry though.~

?For what, Maelisaandii?? This he said aloud. Hold on, for just a while. Hold onto my voice.

~I was not a good student. Difficult. Too hard I tried. Too much anger. I got rid of it.~

She smiled, an expression that tore her Teacher?s heart.

~Oh, no. No, Padawan. Your anger does not matter anymore. I am proud to have you for my student. You have made me so proud, Maelisaandii.~

?But,? she tried to use regular speech, but the effort sent her into a terrible spasm of coughing. Qui-Gon held her tighter and let the Force flow over her, easing her pain. A tear slid out of her good eye and down her undamaged cheek.

?What??

~I wanted so to be a Jedi Knight~

Qui-Gon?s throat tightened again. He could not speak.

~By the Force, Maelisaandii, if there is anyone in the galaxy who most deserves to be a Knight, it is you. You passed everyone?s expectations, even my own~

Reaching out, he brought her fallen lightsaber to his hand and placed it in her grip.

?There. The weapon of a Knight.? And you will be recognized as such. I swear it.

She smiled again, her remaining eye shining with happiness. Gathering her strength, she spoke.

?Thank you, Master.?

He felt her gratefulness wash over him, and now he could not keep the tears away. They flowed freely down his cheeks, but his voice was rock-steady.

?You have done well, my child--?

The last syllable was cut short by her coughing. She shuddered with the force of it, the coughing was tearing her apart. Qui-Gon held her, letting his mind comfort her. Finally it stopped, and she lay there, exhausted, heavy breathes becoming harder and harder. Her chest heaved with the attempt. Inhaling... exhaling.

~You have done well, my daughter.~

Her breathing was hard to hear now, almost nonexistent.

~I love you, my child~

Then... silence.

The lightsaber clattered to the floor, and the Jedi Master bowed his head over the limp f

 

The glowing blade spurted to life once more, shimmering and swirling with every color of the rainbow. Qui-Gon had never seen a lightsaber like this one, and didn?t expect to see one ever again. He studied the blade, and thought of its maker.

It had been years now since he had left Maelisaandii on Hapes. Her sister had wanted it that way. It was a disgrace for one of the noble family to be buried in a common grave. As if the Jedi Temple was common. But Qui-Gon had not argued. He had taken only her lightsaber, Kylra?Saandii could not deny him that. And he kept it with him.

He?d brought it to the Council session when he asked that Maelisaandii be posthumously declared a Jedi Knight. True, it was not often done. But on hearing his account of the events, even Yoda and Mace Windu had agreed. She'd conquered her demons, her darkness. This was something he had not had to argue about.

He?d kept the lightsaber, and had shown it to only one other person. His present Padawan. The eager, seven year old boy with ambitious eyes. The boy who had not gotten a present from Hapes. The boy was a young man now, but the ambition had not disappeared. But that was alright. He would succeed, like his predecessor had.

He brought his thoughts back to the past. This was his time for reflection. He needed this time, every so often. He didn?t follow a schedule, or anniversaries. Just every so often. He remembered her. Remembered the training hours he?d spent with her. Remembered everything he could. An filed it all away until he needed to remember it again. For the only way the dead live on is through those who remember them. And as long as he lived, he would never forget Maelisaandii. The Jedi Knight.

?Master...?

The question was left unspoken. Qui-Gon didn?t respond at first. This was his time. The boy could wait for a few minutes.

They were going on another mission. Routine, but not. A test of his Padawan?s abilities. Of his loyalty. They would only be gone a few days. But any mission could hold the hand of fate. This Qui-Gon would never forget.

He opened his eyes, his recollection done. The lightsaber blade was extinguished and put into its special box. Until the next time.

?Are you packed, Xanatos??

?Yes, Master. I?ve been packed for hours. When are we going??

?Right now, my eager Padawan. Patience you must learn.?

?Yes, Master Yoda.? The boy smiled impishly as Qui-Gon gave him a warning look, then smiled.

?Come then. Our ship leaves in an hour.?

Xanatos was almost dancing with anticipation. He loved missions. He loved to get out of the Temple with his Master, to go on adventurous quests.

?Where are we going, Master??

Qui-Gon picked up his satchel and left their shared apartment before answering. Xanatos needed to learn patience.

?Master...??

?Telos. We?re going to Telos.?

The End


[This message has been edited by Maelisaandii (edited 05-11-2000).]

 

stands and applauds

Bravo,Maelisaandii, bravo.

An absolutely fabulous story. And to end it like that, awesome. I can't help but feel so bad for my favortie Jedi. He's only remembering what he think's is the worst time of his life and look where he's headed.

Can't wait for your next thread!!

 

Thanks so much, HealerLeona. I'm glad you liked it, and I was also getting that "rattlers in the stomach" writing that last part. Poor Qui-Gon, your misery has just begun.
Thanks again!

 

Up for the move