Before Fresh Produce - one-post, OC POV, Q, O - a little odd

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Oct 18, 2007.

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  1. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Title: Fresh Produce
    Author: ardavenport
    Timeframe: pre-Episode I, pre-TPM
    Genre: Drama
    Characters: OCs, Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi
    Keywords lounge, Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, addiction
    Summary: All sorts of creatures hang around at the G'zurtz Lounge. This story was actually written for an off-forum, out-of-character challenge.
    Notes: Typo is my middle name, with missing words and errors that spell checkers don?t catch being my speciality ? if you see any, just post a reply or send a PM with the what and where and I will kill them with no mercy.
    Disclaimer: All characters belong to George and Lucasfilm; I?m just playing in their sandbox



    The Quernutoi woman's head swayed on her long neck, a blissful smile on her face, her wide set eyes closed.

    Toomu waited while her customer enjoyed her buzz. She was a regular. All of her customers at this dimly lit booth in the G'zurtz Lounge were regulars. The late morning lounge crowd was typically light. A few cleaning droids whirred along the edges of the floors, looking for any leftover stains, ashes and trash from the night before. Though no sunlight or sky glow ever reached these cavernous lower levels, the routine all around had a definite 'day' feel to it. More awake than languid, more business than pleasure. There was a hint of polish and cleaner in the air.

    Toomu had worked the nightclub scene. When she was younger, when she looked much better in a slinky black metaloid jumpsuit. But now she preferred the calm of her string of long-term, 'respectable' day clients.

    The Quernutoi, Toomu only knew her only as Meik, finally let our a long sigh, then lazily picked up her drink, a Swirling Fog that had steadily exhaled small, sweet white puffs while its owner settled into her high. Meik sipped the intoxicant; her jeweled hand covering clinked on the heavy clear silicate cylinder. The sleeve of her pressed suit reflected the low table light with a deep red sheen. A richly embroidered, plush blue robe hung off of Meik's bony shoulders. Toomu would need the entire proceeds from a week of her best paying customers to afford the ensemble that Meik wore. Toomu never asked about her customers' lives, but she had heard in the lounge that Meik was 'old' money. 'Respectable' money.

    "Excellent, as always, my dear," Meik said dreamily, putting down her drink. Toomu inclined her head, a beneficent smile on her thin lips, a gesture which her customer did not see. The middle aged Quernutoi's anxious, jerky twitches had become fluid and relaxed. Her thin fingers slid into a concealed sleeve opening. Glittering credit chits passed quickly between them, disappearing into a deep inner pocket of Toomu's jacket.

    Meik flicked a pink, sparkly chit onto the polished table and swiftly stood. Now relieved of her tension, her cravings, Meik's body moved with a renewed energy that would last for at least three, maybe four days before her needs brought her, trembling, back to the G'zurtz Lounge.

    "For the drinks," Meik said, waving her hand over the chit. She turned away and strode out. Toomu's drink was untouched.

    Settling back into her seat, Toomu watched the service droid clear and wipe the table. The machine's head and torso lights blinked, making it more visible in the lounge light. A few more customers had wandered in for midday meals to be heavily supplemented with their chosen intoxicant.

    Over at the bar, the manager scowled over her computer screens. The head bartender and the gleaming service droids lined up drink cylinders and colored bottles of intoxicants along the lighted wall behind the bar, an island of soft illumination in the main room of the lounge. Toomu spotted her next regular customer, a large portly Wallum in a tent-like, blue and muddy yellow striped robe.

    So, Toomu was completely taken by surprise when two brown robed figures, heading for a table near hers, suddenly reversed and slid into her booth. On either side of her.

    Under the hoods, she s
  2. ratna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2007
    star 4
    wow, anne this is just amazing! what an imagination you've got! unique concept and beautifully drawn OC. and what an assignment for our favorite before the saga pair!

    i'm just blown away. (as usual)
  3. earlybird-obi-wan Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 21, 2006
    star 6
    Wow our dynamic duo getting into action again.
    Very nice piece
  4. Master_Tigris_Leigh Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 10, 2004
    star 1
    I absolutely loved this! Of course, I have enjoyed all of your stories so I don't know why this one would be any different. Very good, I can't wait to see what you write next!
  5. MsLanna Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2005
    star 6
    *delurk*
    =D= =D= =D=

    Great story. Loved the atmosphere, and the OC was very well made.

    *relurk*
  6. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Incredible! But that's no surprise at all! ;)

    =D=
  7. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Great OC. Very interesting way of thinking and responding, not very human at all. Great job on her.
  8. LuvEwan Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 24, 2002
    star 4
    I loved it, of course. ;) The premise was so unique. I loved how the story is basically told from the OC's POV, but you stil manage to get across how evil she is. Not that she really denies it. [face_laugh]

    I really liked how you described humanoids from her perspective. It establishes the Jedi as foreign and strange. And the title is great. :D
  9. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    ratna: Thank-you! The story was for an out-of-character challenge on another board, so that automatically led to an unusual setting. I'm glad it worked out.

    earlybird-obi-wan: Thank-you! :)

    Master_Tigris_Leigh: Thanks very much!

    MsLanna: Thanks! And thanks for the delurk, too. :)

    VaderLVR64: Thanks! ;)

    dianethx: Thank-you! Though I prefer to stick to the canon characters I love in stories, the OCs that they interact with make the story so much more intriguing.

    LuvEwan: Thanks! I think this OC is past her primary 'evil' phase of life and 'pathethic' has taken over. But yes, she's not a nice person, not that she would ever realize that. And when you look at Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan through the perspective of an OC you see new things. ;)


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