Saga From Me To You - a story in e-mails (Vader, Luke, others)

We all worship Jix - loved his mail adress!

And the meeting was just great too - and reported in the just the way I would imagine Threepio would do it!

Ah, this is just what I need after a horrible day of giving away ladie's underwear!

*worshipping Red for a bit*

You are a dark, funny, evil genius!

 

Um, this dark, funny etc is feeling quite desolate and angry right now. Guess why? Darth Computer died AGAIN. With the next post. Waaahhh!!! Tomorrow Mr Repairsman will say when it'll be back. If ever.

I'm terribly sorry! I wouldn't blame you at all if you decided you're fed up waiting here, and moved elsewhere. Not to mention I feel lonely without my comp... The problem is, you see, I only logged in from my office this once, to tell you this, but usually I try to avoid this place from my office computer.

 

poor red! *hugs* that's really evil of your comp. *sobs* and poor posty. anyway, i'll certainly wait for your next posty - that is if you still want to continue this...

 

Oh, I do. I'd like someone to have an argument with Vader over, um, stuff.

 

argument? what kind of argument? and about what and with whom? *curious*

 

*waves her hand* Hey, I'm here, too, eagerly waiting for the next post. I hope that Mr Repairsman can save it. You have a very evil computer there...

UP!

Hippety

 

i will be here waiting, of course!

i realized i didn't reply to the last posty, but i loved it

*glares threateningly at red's computer*

 

But Red, you must know that we would never abandon you!

*angelic smile*

Besides, the whole idea of people getting fed up with waiting is just...weird! Evil. Right?

Argument sounds great! With whom, about what?! *jumps up and down in excitement*

 

*looks confused*

What is going on? This was on page 4!!! That cannot be tolerated so UP we go!

So, the computer is still not working?

Hippety

 

Okay, I'm back again for a while, although comp still looks like it could break down any moment.

What I'm not happy with is this story. The first version was too short to cover that long time span, but this version is too vague, it is just getting out of hand.

Nevertheless, here are a few more new e-mails.

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From: Borsk <feylyaforever@silverwhistle.bothannet.ga>
To: Mon Mothma <peoples_mothma@calamari.org>

Hullo, honey,

Oh what an itchy list of names! One Obi-Wan Kenobi used to be Anakin Skywalker's Jedi master. He was presumed to have died shortly after Clone Wars, only to reappear in holonews earlier this year. Fishy, this Jedi business. Wouldn't be surprised if he popped up again twenty years from now, happy and rosy-cheeked as ever.

Now, love, ask yourself what is the connection between Vader and Anakin Skywalker. As you remember, Vader made his first appearance late in the clone wars, that was about 20 months before Skywalker's death. Were they ever in the same scene together?

Then Skywalker dies and Vader disappears from the news for more than a year, only to re-emerge with his now trademark appearance. What do you make of it? Curious, I'd say, curious.

Yours,

Borsk


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From: Darth Vader <darthvader@thesith.gov>
To: Luke <shooting_star@coruscant-freeservice.net>


Skywalker,

You have too many questions for your own good. But since I promised, I will endeavour to answer.

Concerning the policy regarding Force users: under normal circumstances, most of them are summarily executed as potential Jedi. However, the Empire has need of their talent in some areas, so a few are offered training. It depends on whether they are considered worth the effort. This is not a traditional Jedi training, but merely one where they are taught to use their potential for the benefit of the Nation. You are, in some ways, a special case. so, naturally, I would have you trained, as a potential like yours is rare these days. I'm sure you would agree that it would be criminally senseless to let such a talent go waste.

I keep wondering why you are so fixated on your father. As I mentioned, I am not at liberty to discuss certain aspects of him. I can tell you this much: he hailed from Tatooine, as do you, and came into Jedi training relatively late. He was apprenticed to your "friend" Obi-Wan Kenobi, who later betrayed him. Do not ask what became of him. Your intuition serves you well; that is all I can say in this matter.

And finally, I can see that your spelling has improved. Marginally. There is still room for improvement.


Darth Vader

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From: Darth Vader <darthvader@thesith.gov>
To: Jixton <sixpack@chubanet.org>


3280 credits for bailing you out.
168 credits for your transport.
That makes 3448 credits, and don't you even dare to round up sums to your own advantage. Next time you require the services of my lawyer, I'll be adding a fine.


Vader

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From: Luke <shooting_star@coruscant-freeservice.net>
To: Darth Vader <darthvader@thesith.gov>


Force-shmorce! I think I know already as much as I ever want to know about it, and a fat lot of good it does. No thanks, I don't want you'r training.

Of course I'm fixated on my father. How could I not? I grew up thinking and wondering about him, and then crazy old Ben - oops, crazy old Obi-Wan - comes and says he was some legendary Jedi knight and hero. Tatooine, huh? I had no idea. Any chance you know which part? What caste he belonged to? Who were my grandparents?

I don't really see how my spelling is your business.


Luke Skywalker


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Okay. I see. It is so bad that doesn't even warrant a response. Duh. I knew it!

Okay. I may be a fool, but I'm a stubborn fool.



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From: Borsk <feylyaforever@silverwhistle.bothannet.ga>
To: Mon Mothma <peoples_mothma@calamari.org>

Here's a quickie, I may have met a little bird who might sing when fed. Set aside some bird treats for me, will you, honey.

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From: General Dodonna <donna@manarai90210.ic.ga>
To: Alliance <alliance@yokelgroups.com>

ALLIANCE BULLETIN

1. Awakedai group

The Alliance outpost on the world of Awakedai was destroyed by Imperial forces in a vicious attack yesterday. 48 are dead, 36 managed to evacuate. Memory service for the fallen will be held at 20:00 Standard on Librezze.

2. Base

We need a new base urgently. We cannot stay in space indefinitely, cutting us off from our main base of power - the people. Not to mention what it would do to our air, water and fuel supplies. So, ask around. Keep your eyes peeled.

3. Knives, forks, glassware

There are not enough knives and forks in the canteen. Dear people, do look over your tables, shelves and boxes, clear out any unwashed dishes and return them to the canteen. We're still civilized people, after all.


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From: solo <solo@nalhutta.net>
To: Alliance <alliance@yokelgroups.com>
Subject: RE: ALLIANCE BULLETIN


> people, do look over your tables, shelves and boxes, clear
> out any unwashed dishes and return them to the canteen.
> We're still civilized people, after all.

You're gravely insulting the Hutt, Prafeet and Gamorrean civilizations who consider it an abomination to touch food that has come into contact with materials taken from earth (metals, types of clay).


solo

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From: L.O. <rememberalderaan@coruscant-feeservice.com>
To: solo <solo@nalhutta.net>
CC: <alliance@yokelgroups.com>
Subject: Re: RE: ALLIANCE BULLETIN


> You're gravely insulting the Hutt, Prafeet and Gamorrean
> civilizations who consider it an abomination to touch food
> that has come into contact with materials taken from earth (metals, types of clay).

Okay, I'll inform the kitchen to respect solo's Hutt sensibilities. ;o)

L.


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NA, of course it's not so bad it doesn't warrant a response. That must be my digital manuscript rotting-- I'll try to cover the scent As for your new post--Han's response to the flatware shortage cracked me up!

 

Hey, loca - is that a vague hint of lack of confidence?`

Well, I've said it before, and I'll say it again - you're a dark, funny, evil genius, and I love you for it.

Guess I've just been so happy I'm out of selling underwear over the phone I haven't really managed to sit still and read for more than half a minute (gets really complicated when you try to write on your own fic) but here I am, loving the post!

Hm, poor Jix, the Big Bad should have money enough to not take Jix...On the other hand, I think he was trying to make a point. Or just be evil - ya know, to keep in practise.

Never imagined Han would care so much for the Hutts, but again, I suspect he's just being a pain in the ass.

Oh, and don't mind if the story gets out of hand - that just means more story for us.

Love, Kee

 

Thanks!

Hey, loca - is that a vague hint of lack of confidence?

Yup, my chronic disease.

Guess I've just been so happy I'm out of selling underwear over the phone

you used to do that? Wish I'd known... Maybe even bought some...


Hm, poor Jix, the Big Bad should have money enough to not take Jix...On the other hand, I think he was trying to make a point. Or just be evil - ya know, to keep in practise.

One has to try to control Jix somehow, you know. Moreover, he may be stinkin rich, but having been a slave, it is not totally impossible that he has some secret stinginess buried under all those flappy robes. I think.

-Red

 

Now I have a mental image of Vader picking up a coin from the sidewalk.

But I do think you're right. Unlike people who are born with money. He has learned about their value the hard way.

 

This was cute. I loved how Han was being a joker when he talked about Hutt sensibilities...nice addition to his character. Keep going!

 

Darth Vader - the Uncle Scrooge of Star Wars?

 

This is great! You have absolutely no need to be worried. You're excellent writer, and I'll be around.

Now I am off to look for my beta. Anyone seen JMK?

UP with this!

Hippety

 

ShrunkenJedi: Han's a funny guy. I can certainly see him tease people a bit.
BTW I like your siggy.

Lilu: Yeah - like the guy even knows what a sidewalk is. And Lady Ex probably won't have any pennies lying about, I suspect there are cleaning droids scuttling about constantly.

dianethx: Thx. You know, Han's a bit difficult to write. Sometimes I feel that Jix has taken his role, leaving Han with no individual character at all.

Queengodess: Not uncle Scrooge. Uncle Dee.

Hippety_Hopper: Thanks. *Looks under table and under bed* No, your beta doesn't seem to be here.

 

Here's some more, as always, old e-mails peppered with some new stuff.


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From: Jixton <sixpack@chubanet.org>
To: Darth Vader <darthvader@thesith.gov>


I'm hurt!!! I thought we'd talked it all out. It was that stupid Trandoshan, it wasn't my fault at all! And transport costs? What the hell? Our agreement was that you pay for it all! I think I should sue you for imposing unreasonable working conditions in violation of our contract. (And don't give me that eyebrow thing.)


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From: Darth Vader <darthvader@thesith.gov>
To: Luke <shooting_star@coruscant-freeservice.net>


Young one, I find your lack of faith disturbing. It is a sign of true ignorance to think that you do not have anything to learn. Yes, I have seen you have a vague grasp on how to touch the Force, but let me assure you, you have not even begun to understand its true power!

About your father: he was no hero, he was a young fool, and I'd suggest you leave it at that. He was first noticed by a Jedi Master called Qui-Gon Jinn, who was visiting the Hutt gambling and podracing centre of Mos Espa on Tatooine. Jinn, being a gambler, made a bet, freed him and brought him to the Jedi temple. Jinn was killed soon afterwards and the guardianship transferred to Kenobi. So you see there is nothing legendary about him.

Your spelling is my business insofar as you stand in correspondence with me and I would have you do me the honour of writing to me correctly and legibly. I have little interest in what language you use in your correspondence with that little Alderaani princess.

Moreover, Luke, you are born to lead. You cannot afford laxity in small matters such as spelling, if you ever want to be taken seriously.


Darth Vader

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From: <feylyaforever@silverwhistle.bothannet.ga>
To: <peoples_mothma@calamari.org>, <rememberalderaan@coruscant-freeservice.net>
Subject: I told you so!!!!!


Ladies,

Forwarding the tasty bits, for your enjoyment.
Always at your service,

Borsk


-----------Forwarded message--------------
From: <alleyes@bothanrevival.net>
To: Borsk Fey'lya <feylyaforever@silverwhistle.bothannet.ga>
Borsk,
Enlosed X's reply. As per your request, I'm forwarding this to Evening News, Today's Face and Society.


---Original Message---
From: Xizor <ubervigo@blacksun.org>
To: <alleyes@bothanrevival.net>

It has been confirmed by an unnamed source that Anakin Skywalker and Darth Vader are indeed the same person.
===================
Prince Xizor
CEO
Black Sun Corporation
------------End Forwarded Message------------

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From: Luke <shooting_star@coruscant-freeservice.net>
To: Darth Vader <darthvader@thesith.gov>


Lord Vader,

You are well known as the last upholder of the Jedi religion. I, however... I don't even know how to say it. The day I learned my father was a Jedi, and I got his lightsaber, my guardians were brutally killed. (By your troops, BTW, and they had done nothing to deserve this.) I feel that it was Jedi arts that killed old Ben. He may have been crazy, but I cared about him. It was being a Jedi that killed my father. It was also your precious Force that guided my aim over Yavin. Yes, you would have killed all my friends without mercy. But I'd rather I didn't have to do it. So, there, I'd rather be just another bloke from backyard Tatooine, having nothing to do with the Force. I could say the same about leading. I never asked for it. I don't want it. I'd give it

 

Oh, that was great! I LOVE Jix! Well, that's no surprise... *sighs happily* He's just got guts. And, well, a very nasty sense of humour.

Eyebrow thing, though? He's seen Vader without his mask? Or he just imagines Vader doing this behind the mask?

Media is great. Borsk is NOT great. Xizor is a twisted, evil creature who will suffer for eternity, if I could have it my way...

And I'm really NOT fond of Vader's hand being cut off - artificial or not, that gotta hurt!

*plans for revenge on the old, ugly corpse*

 

*dumbly nods, agreeing to everything that kee said* so to sum it up, everyone's evil except the big bad sith lord and his "faithful" agent...

 

loved them all!

at jix! i love him!

 

Even funnier. I really like Vaders' response to Luke this time!

 

Hey, I've been away for three days, working my ass off...it's been terrible to tell the truth - my body aches like...I don't know what. The point is...uh, I don't know what the point is which just goes to prove how exhausted I am.

Anyway. I hoped there would be a new post, but if Red's life's been anything like mine I really understand she hasn't time to post.

Oh, this would have been much more to the point if I had just written 'up!' hadn't it...?