Beyond - Legends Further - [A Dark Nest vignette] [J/J/Z] [angst]

Further
By: ZekksGoddess

Disclaimer: In no way do I own Star Wars, that?s George?s job. And I?m not making money off of this or anything, so please?don?t sue.

Timeframe: Dark Nest, The Joiner King in particular.

Summary: Time is running short. The change is almost complete: Jaina Solo and Zekk are almost Joiners. In the last moments he has in a mind of his own, Zekk muses on lost love.

Characters: Zekk, Jaina Solo, Jagged Fel

Keywords: never, closer, further

Genre: angst, vignette

Pairings: J/J/Z

A/N: Yes, this vig contains spoilers for The Joiner King. If you?re trying to stay spoiler-free until you read the book?you?ve been warned.

_______________________________________________
?I've lost although you're near me,
And your body's still this kind,
I've lost you on a journey,
But I can't remember where or when.?
-Elvis Presley
_______________________________________________


There?s not much time left. Soon, this miniscule part of my mind that is still my own will be gone. Soon, I will fully become a Joiner, and so will Jaina.

But for now, I cling to my refuge, this small haven within the most secret depths my mind. The only part of me left, ironically, that is still me.

My eyes flick over to the bed next to mine for a moment. Jaina lays there, her chest rising and falling slowly, in a rhythmic motion. The room is silent but for her breathing. My gaze flutters to her face, beautiful even in sleep.

Briefly, I wonder what she dreams of.

I know I could easily use the Force, or even the hive mind to find out?for the dream would become my own as well. But if I were to do so, I would need to leave my little haven. I would need to open myself to the hive mind, and this last remnant of Zekk?s mind would be easily swept away before I could return. I want to enjoy the last vestiges of myself before I am fully a Joiner.

Besides, I?m not all that sure I want to know what she dreams of. Aside from being extremely disturbing, it could ruin these last moments I have as myself. As Zekk.

In truth, I dread becoming a Joiner. That?s one secret I hold here, in this small part of me that?s left. I dread it?because of Jaina.

We share every thought, every feeling, and every last memory. It?s like torture. I?ve felt her feelings for Jag, and at one point, even shared them, an experience I?d rather not repeat.

I had hopes, once, at the end of the Yuuzhan Vong war that she had told Fel goodbye because she didn?t love him. I?d even fantasized that maybe, just maybe, she would come back to me, and realize that I had been there and loved her all along. That maybe, she would realize she loved me too.

But now I know. She still loves him. And it?s tearing this last part of me to pieces.

I have every memory of the two. Jaina and Fel pulled together in an empty closet on a military base, sneaking a kiss in her quarters before parting?there are more, but I can?t let myself think about them. It?s like thrusting a lightsaber through my own heart.

I know every emotion Jaina has felt for him. Every emotion she still feels for him. And I know that all my hopes and fantasies from the past years of my life have been for nothing.

She knows that I love her, that I?ve always loved her, and probably that I always will?how could she not know with our minds so completely blended? She can easily touch on everything I?ve ever felt for her, every dream I?ve ever had of her, every time I?ve ever thought of her.

But she loves Jagged Fel. Still.

I?m closer to Jaina than ever, closer than anyone- even Jacen- could ever dream of being to her. And yet, ironically, I still stand on the sidelines. I?m still the one who watches from the outside as she loves someone else.

After everything we?ve been through together, she still prefers him.

I guess I?ll never know what happened. I do know that once upon a time in the jungles of Yavin IV she loved me back. And I?ll never forget h

 

Phenomenal

I loved this portrayal of Zekk's hesitation about the joining.

I like Zekk, really. Although the Joiner thing weirded me out, completely, I feel bad that he can experience Jaina's feelings with Jag and she could feel his feelings for her, which she can't reciprocate.

And I do believe that if they are separated it will be the end of Z/J forever. Sorry.

I'll be rooting for the least tragic ending for Zekk.

 

*claps* Great! Love it! I don't know much about Zekk, but I do know alot about Jaina and their relationship. Very well done so far!

 

In my mind that is exactly the irony that would rip Zekk apart. Well done ZG.

The question becomes how does he let go and deal with the situation now that he has to accept it?

 

Wow. all i can say is wow. I LOVE this fanfic!!

 

Lola64:
Phenomenal
I loved this portrayal of Zekk's hesitation about the joining.
Well, thank you!

I like Zekk, really. Although the Joiner thing weirded me out, completely, I feel bad that he can experience Jaina's feelings with Jag and she could feel his feelings for her, which she can't reciprocate.
I know. We can only imagine just how hard it is on the poor guy...*sniff*

And I do believe that if they are separated it will be the end of Z/J forever. Sorry.
I'm not letting my hopes get up, but I don't want to believe anything until then. I mean, there's still two more books in the trilogy to come, and then that new 9-book-arc/

I'll be rooting for the least tragic ending for Zekk.
Good to know there's people out there who care! Poor Zekkie...


Ben_Watson:
*claps* Great! Love it!
Thanks! I'm really glad you enjoyed it!


Neo-Paladin:
In my mind that is exactly the irony that would rip Zekk apart. Well done ZG.
Thanks. I was thinking about how Zekk must feel, knowing all Jaina's feelings for Jag and...bam, that thought hit me. Then voila, this fic...lol

The question becomes how does he let go and deal with the situation now that he has to accept it?
Poor Zekkie. He's got such a rough life!


aurrasingrules101:
Wow. all i can say is wow.
I'm hoping that means you like it...

I LOVE this fanfic!!
Well thanks for reading...I'm really glad you enjoyed it!

 

I've heard of seperation anxiety before.... but never like this!

Brilliant piece! Welcome to the J/Z club!

 

I love it!

I have every memory of the two. Jaina and Fel pulled together in an empty closet on a military base, sneaking a kiss in her quarters before parting?there are more, but I can?t let myself think about them. It?s like thrusting a lightsaber through my own heart.

Leave it to Zekk to be thrust into the most awkward, angsty, and utterly freaky love triangle ever written in Star Wars.

It really is ironic. We?re about to share a closeness that even our Force bond could never give us. And yet, we could never have been further apart.

Beautiful last line!

 

Oh, what a beautiful piece! I love how you described all of Zekk's emotions! It's so powerful. Very well-written.

 

Wow. Poor Zekk. This was an incredible interpretation... It was really sad and I really liked it. *sigh* Poor Zekk.

Zonoma

 

Inspired, ZekksGoddess! Brilliantly ironic, very sympathetic to both Zekk and Jaina.

This viggie feels very 'right' to me - based on my impressions from TJK.



Fantastic job!

oldj

 

This was good! I felt so bad for Zekk, having to share all of Jaina's thoughts and feelings on Jag, poor boy.

I especially liked the last line. It really is ironic that they are so close yet so far apart. I'm a J/J fan but I felt quite sypathetic towards Zekk. Well done!

 

That. Was. AWESOME!!!! ZG, that was absolutly perfect! Words fail me! Beautiful characterization, the worries about Jag were great, all in all, awesome!

 

Vongchild:
I've heard of seperation anxiety before.... but never like this!
*giggles mischeviously*

Brilliant piece! Welcome to the J/Z club!
*gapes* YES! Hurray!


jedi_of_ennth:
I love it!
Aww, thank you!

Leave it to Zekk to be thrust into the most awkward, angsty, and utterly freaky love triangle ever written in Star Wars.
Oy, tell me about it. Poor Zekk's got an awfull hard life...being orphaned, kindapped, turned to the Dark Side, rejected by his best friend that he loves...yikes.

Beautiful last line!
Thanks!


DathomiranAuthor:
Oh, what a beautiful piece! I love how you described all of Zekk's emotions! It's so powerful. Very well-written.
Thanks! I was terribly sad when I wrote it, thinking of how hard it must be for Zekk...maybe some of that got through..heh heh


Zonoma:
Wow. Poor Zekk.
That phrase is all too common...and not just in fanfiction. *sigh*

This was an incredible interpretation... It was really sad and I really liked it. *sigh* Poor Zekk.
Thanks, I'm really glad you enjoyed it.

oldjedinurse:
Inspired, ZekksGoddess! Brilliantly ironic, very sympathetic to both Zekk and Jaina.
Why thank you! That means a lot...I had no clue how this fic was going to be received, to tell the truth.

This viggie feels very 'right' to me - based on my impressions from TJK.
*sigh* I must say, it's my greatest fear that this will be exactly what tears Zekk apart...

Fantastic job!
Thanks! And thanks for reading!


_Jedi_of_Destiny:
This was good!
Thanks!

I felt so bad for Zekk, having to share all of Jaina's thoughts and feelings on Jag, poor boy.
*sniff* Poor guy, it's got to be terribly difficulr for him.

I especially liked the last line. It really is ironic that they are so close yet so far apart. I'm a J/J fan but I felt quite sypathetic towards Zekk. Well done!
Thanks...there really is a lot about Zekk to be sympathetic of. *repeats* Poor guy.


Lusa_Thul:
That. Was. AWESOME!!!! ZG, that was absolutly perfect! Words fail me! Beautiful characterization, the worries about Jag were great, all in all, awesome!
Wow...well thanks! I'm really glad you liked it! It means a lot!

 

This was great! I loved your portrayal of Zekk and his feelings at having to deal with the fact that the girl he loves loves someone else. Very touching.

 

cheersweetie27:
This was great! I loved your portrayal of Zekk and his feelings at having to deal with the fact that the girl he loves loves someone else. Very touching.
Thanks. I mean, how bad would it feel to know everything the girl you're in love with feels...for someone else? Ahh, poor Zekkie. *sniff* He's got such a hard life.

 

I need a tissue. I loved how you portrayed Zekk's trouble over Jaina's feelings for Jag. You captured his hesistancy wonderfully. Great job!

 

Great job! That whole Joiner thing was creepy. I never thought about how weird it would be for Zekk to share all those memories with Jaina. Great vig!

 

Jedi_Bubbles:
I need a tissue.
Here ya go! *hands tissue*

I loved how you portrayed Zekk's trouble over Jaina's feelings for Jag. You captured his hesistancy wonderfully. Great job!
Thanks! I'm glad you liked it...poor Zekkie, though.


FelsGoddess:
Great job! That whole Joiner thing was creepy.
Whew, tell me about it! Haha

I never thought about how weird it would be for Zekk to share all those memories with Jaina. Great vig!
Oh, I know...imagine being in his position and feeling all those things. I'd be devesated. Tanks for reading! I'm glad you liked it!

 

*upping my own fic- shamelessly*

 

But you have a really awesome sig, so you can be shameless?
for evar!

 

Neo-Paladin:
But you have a really awesome sig, so you can be shameless?
for evar!
The same goes for you, as well!

 

I loved the last line. The whole thing was very bittersweet, but well done.

 

DarthIshtar:
I loved the last line.
Thanks, I felt so bad for poor Zekkie when I wrote it.

The whole thing was very bittersweet, but well done.
Thanks, it's probably even worse than bittersweet for Zekk, dealing with all that. Thanks for reviewing, glad you enjoyed it!

 

She still loves him. And it?s tearing this last part of me to pieces.

That's so sad! I love the emotion Zekk's showing. The pain and anguish! *sigh* It's beautiful. Awesome fic, keep up the good work.