Whatever threads there might have been on this seem to have completely vanished, so let's start fresh, eh? Okay, so little less than month to go now, and I gotta say, I can't wait to see it so I can go full-force lambasting on the internet. It's funny because I have this friend that's much older than me that's a fan of Transformers, and a mega-mega-mega-fan of G.I. Joe. When I was *****ing about the Transforemrs designs in the first movie, he was like "Dude, it's just a movie, it's fine, don't worry about it." Shortly later, the first official character pictures from G.I. Joe came out, and ever since then, I've felt like saying the same to him. But I think if I did, he might break my legs. This guy liked both Transformers films, and now I have to keep him from getting on a plane and slaughtering Lorenzo DiBonaventura. Aside from some heavenly casting (Rachel Nichols as Scarlett, Ray Park as Snake Eyes, Dennis Quaid as Hawk, Christopher Eccleston as Destro, Sienna Miller as Baroness, Joseph Gordon-Levitt as Cobra Commander), the movie also has incredibly tastless, cringe-worthy, spew-inducing casting (Channing Tatum as Duke, Marlon Wayans as Ripcord), and some incredibly idiotic plot devices (List two emotional sub-plots that one might try to shove into a G.I. Joe movie where they don't belong: 1) Cobra Commander is Duke's best friend who was badly scarred and turned to the dark side. Okay, that's one subplot you could force into a single Joe movie. 2) Baroness is Duke's ex-fiance who he jilted at the altar and then she turned to the dark side. Okay, that's another, entirely separate emotional subplot you could force into another, entirely separate Joe movie. Oh, wait. They're both in there at the same time? Man, that Duke just ahs a bad history of friends, doesn't he? And of course, there's always the HALO suits. I mean really, who can keep a straight face when looking at that. One simply has to picture the producer's meeting that was decided in. "Hey, man, we need to market this to kids! What do kids like? Well, they like HALO. Excellent! We'll put HALO in the movie. They'll be watching their G.I. Joe movie, then suddenly, BLAM! Master Chief walks into the room, and the kids are like "Whoah! It's Master Chief! This movie's a double whammy!" I honestly can't help but think of the infamous Jon Peters/Superman story that Kevin Smith told. The big difference being that movie never got made, and this is something of the same caliber that, unimaginably, unfathomably, actually saw the light of day. At this pace, I might not be surprised if we actually do get a Superman movie with no suit, no flying, a giant spider, fighting polar bears, and a gay, black robot, after all. It's funny because if you would have asked me who would be ideal for directing a G.I. Joe movie, Stephen Sommers would have been an ideal choice. True, I've never seen Van Helsing because it looks downright horrible, but the Mummy movies still rank as two of my all-time favorites. Flicks just don't get as fun, adventurous, and feel-good-entertaining as them. Such a shame Sommers couldn't bring the same kind of quality to Joe. Slimy!