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Saga Galactic Conquest: Star Wars Humor/Parody ** Ep. 2 Complete 6/5 **

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by therearerulesx, Jun 3, 2007.

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  1. therearerulesx

    therearerulesx Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 17, 2007
    Title: Galactic Conquest

    Author: Cody Boyce

    Timeframe: Throughout the Star Wars Saga

    Genre: Saga, comedy, humor

    Summary: After playing Star Wars Battlefront II every day of my life, and watching Halo's Red vs. Blue, I decided it would be quite funny to do their comedic episodes using Battlefront and placing it in the Star Wars galaxy. Though I don't have the resources to make it a video (yet), I've written the premise and scripts. Here they are.

    Notes: They will be written in a combo of script/prose form. There is some swearing, but it is kept minimal and PG-rated.

    *****

    Episode 1
    The Death Star, above Alderaan

    Three IMPERIAL STORM TROOPERS, QF 864, TK 421, and NN 312 are standing around inside the Death Star, joking with one another.

    QF 864
    Hahaha, yeah, so I told him, ?That?s not the Twi?lek, that?s my mother!?

    All the TROOPERS laugh with one another like that was the best joke ever.

    TK 421
    Man, QF 864, that was a good one.

    NN 312
    Yeah, I haven?t cried like this for years. Haha.

    There is a silence, where they stand and look at each other, confused on their current situation.

    TK 421
    So, now what do we do?

    QF 864
    What do you mean?

    TK 421
    We just got transferred to the Death Star. So, what are we supposed to be doing?

    QF 864
    Uhhhhhhh. . .

    NN 312
    Someone said something about a ?Rebel Base.? Some big black guy with a necklace or something.

    QF 864
    Which big black guy?

    NN 312
    You know, the one that breathes all funny-like. It looks like he has a phone on his chest.

    TK 421
    Yeah, yeah, the big tall dude.

    NN 312
    Yeah, that?s him.

    TK 421
    Yeah.

    Another long silence.

    NN 312
    What's his name again?

    TK 421
    Who's name?

    NN 312
    (Sighs) The big black guy in a suit!

    TK 421
    I don't know who that is.

    NN 312
    We just talked about him!

    QF 864
    I know, I know, please excuse TK 421, he's a little slow

    TK 421
    I'm not slow!

    NN 312
    Obviously you are!

    Yet another silence.

    QF 864
    So, what?s a ?Rebel Base??

    There is a slight pause as they don?t know what to say.

    NN 312
    I have no idea.

    TK 421
    So, back to what I was saying earlier, what are we-

    A fourth person walks up to them, an ENGINEER, out of breath from running.

    ENGINEER
    Men, men, hurry up. There?s a Wookiee on the loose.

    The TROOPS look confused.

    TK 421
    A what-e?

    ENGINEER
    A wookiee!

    Another pause.

    NN 312
    What in the hell?s a wookie?

    ENGINEER (sighs)
    The big hairy things!

    QF 864
    I don?t know what the hell you?re talking about.

    TK 421
    Did you take your medicine today?

    ENGINEER
    Shut up and follow me!

    NN 312
    But I don?t want to. Besides, we need to find a ?Rebel Base.?

    ENGINEER
    Just come on!

    QF 864
    I?m not going anywhere.

    TK 421
    Yeah, neither am I.

    ENGINEER
    God, you clones are worthless.

    QF 864 (angry)
    Hey! Hey, what did you just say?!

    ENGINEER
    You?re worthless!

    QF 864
    Worthless what?

    ENGINEER
    Worthless clones. You heard me, I think-

    QF 864
    Listen to me, very carefully. I ain?t no clone, I don?t look like Jabba Fett. I?m a person, and my name is QF 864!

    ENGINEER
    I thought all of you guys were the same.

    NN 312
    Do we sound the same?

    ENGINEER
    Well, no, but-

    NN 312
    Do we look the same?

    ENGINEER
    I don?t know, you always have those suits on, I can?t tell.

    TK 421
    We?re not clones, and don?t ever let me hear you say that or I?ll do something really bad.

    ENGINEER
    Like how bad?

    TK 421
    I don?t know, I?ll push you over or something.

    ENGINEER
    That?s it?

    TK 421
    . . .yeah. That?s it.

    ENGINEER
    Clone.

    TK 421 tries to run at t
     
  2. therearerulesx

    therearerulesx Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Apr 17, 2007
    Episode III
    Yavin IV


    A group of REBEL TROOPS, LAN OLESA, ARAN NOMANTE, and FIN ULRAND are standing around their base on Yavin IV, discussing the events of the Galactic Civil War.

    LAN OLESA
    I still just don?t get it. The Death Star is huge, it?s like the size of 10 of our capital ships.

    ARAN NOMANTE
    More like 300 of our ships.

    FIN ULRAND
    No, it?s more like the size of the moon.

    ARAN
    Which moon?

    FIN
    Does it matter?

    ARAN
    No. . .

    LAN
    So, my question is, how are we supposed to destroy it.

    FIN
    I think there?s a little hole we can shoot down, and it?ll destroy the whole thing.

    LAN
    One hole? To destroy the entire Death Star.

    FIN
    Apparently, yes.

    ARAN
    Who came up with the name ?Death Star? anyways? It?s kind of cliché, don?t you think?

    FIN
    Eh, kind of, yes.

    ARAN
    Why not, like, ?the Royal Imperial Battle Station.?

    FIN
    Or, ?the Moon-Sized Death Station.?

    ARAN
    No, it?s still got death in the name.

    LAN
    Yeah, it sounds so stupid.

    ARAN
    Man, I hate the Empire.

    FIN
    Haha, yeah.

    They stand around quiet for a few moments, then a WOOKIEE runs up to them and starts to talk.

    WOOKIEE
    (Growls).

    The three troops are quiet, and can?t understand what the WOOKIEE?s saying.

    WOOKIEE
    (Growls angrier).

    LAN
    Ummm, who is this guy?

    ARAN
    It?s not a guy, it?s a ?Woooo-keee.?

    WOOKIEE
    (Growls).

    LAN
    Don?t make it mad!

    WOOKIEE
    (Growls threateningly).

    FIN
    I?m scared, I?m getting out of here!

    FIN runs off and leaves LAN and ARAN with the savage WOOKIEE.

    WOOKIEE
    (Growls).

    LAN
    What?s this thing?s problem?

    ARAN
    I don?t know.

    WOOKIEE
    (Growls angrily).

    LAN
    Is he on our side?

    ARAN
    I think so.

    LAN
    Let?s shoot it, just to be sure.

    ARAN
    Ok.

    They shoot the WOOKIEE, who continues to growl, and then shoots them with his own bow caster.

    ARAN
    Owww! Hey, that hurt!

    LAN
    You better watch it buddy! We?re veterans of Battle of Yavin.

    ARAN
    Umm, Lan, that battle hasn?t happened yet.

    LAN
    Yeah, well, you better watch out anyways!

    WOOKIEE growls angrily and kills them both.
     
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