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Beyond - Legends Galatea (a Mara poem - Author replies 06/19)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by LianaMara, Mar 15, 2006.

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  1. LianaMara

    LianaMara Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 30, 2000
    Thanks for clicking! :)

    Title: Galatea
    Author: LianaMara
    Timeframe: post-Thrawn trilogy
    Characters: Mara Jade
    Genre: poem, drama
    Summary: Sometimes I dream my heart is made of stone. A Mara poem.

    Notes: It figures that it'd take poetry to drag me back into my first fandom. ;) Back over a year ago, Gabri told me I should compile some Luke & Mara poems together, and I thought it was an excellent idea. Of course, I only finished two (One Dance and Home) before I got stuck. However, I'm taking a Creative Writing course right now, and yesterday I just felt inspired to finish this series. Thus, "Galatea." It's blank verse, and relies much too heavily on the myth of Pygmalion for my own liking ... but hopefully Gabri will like it. [:D]


    ***


    The woman is perfected.
    --Sylvia Plath, "Edge"








    [b]Galatea[/b]




    Sometimes I dream my heart is made of stone,
    Chiseled from the hardest granite ? formèd
    Into a flawless and unyielding soul;
    A thing of strength, this lifeless core, with veins
    Of ice flowing out from this callous rock
    Within my chest to frigid fingertips,
    Smooth marble impassive to the transient
    Heat of passion and folly?s fickle flings.

    Untouched by human weaknesses, I am
    A statue; permanent beauty etched on
    A rock that will not fade, nor lose its might.

    But perhaps cold stone is not the ideal
    Medium ? even Pygmalion preferred
    Soft, temporal splendor to the sculpted
    Perfection he created. For this chilled
    Form cannot withstand the warmth of ardor.
    Affection cannot fit inside this shell;
    A heart only in name, for marble is
    Too dense. Love requires a weaker home ?
    Capable of sagging, or ripping, or ?

    Breaking. A heart of stone can never cleave
    In two; but neither can it skip a beat, increase
    In rhythm, flood my bloodstream with fervor,
    Or wonder, or mere animal alarm.
    It always remains constant: cool and smooth,
    Incapable of any emotions.

    And so I find myself faced with a choice,
    Between the imperfections of the flesh,
    Or the persistent permanence of stone?

    It seems to me a decision between
    Capricious life or bare eternity.


    [FIN]
     
  2. TheCrazyRodian

    TheCrazyRodian Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2004
    =D=

    First of all, you have a very good grasp of language. That's a tough thing to accomplish. Second, the idea of using the Pygmalion story as framework for characterizing Mara is absolutely brilliant.

    Excellent, excellent work. I adore poetry, and it amazes me to see you do such a fine job writing it in the Star Wars universe.
     
  3. Knight_Aragorn

    Knight_Aragorn Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 15, 2003
    I'm not very knowledgeable when it comes to poetry, though I wish I was ;), but I really liked this one. The language is very immediate and vivid, and the sense of it captures Mara wonderfully. The slightly off-balance feel reinforces the conflict Mara's experiencing, caught between the vulnerability of caring and the coldness of not allowing herself to feel...

    It's very well done, perfectly worded, beautiful in all. Fantastic work. :D
     
  4. Feng_Huang

    Feng_Huang Jedi Master star 2

    Registered:
    Apr 17, 2005
    I found using Pygmalion's myth very fitting. Lovely piece[face_love]
     
  5. Healer_Leona

    Healer_Leona Squirrel Wrangler of Fun & Games star 9 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Jul 7, 2000
    Very nicely done. So very much Mara.
     
  6. Jade_Pilot

    Jade_Pilot Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Dec 10, 2005
    OK, I will step right up and admit I usually don't like poetry, but this was amazing!! I think you have changed my mind about the genre.

    Nicely done!
     
  7. VaderLVR64

    VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus star 8 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Feb 5, 2004
    That was really lovely! =D=
     
  8. brodiew

    brodiew Jedi Grand Master star 5

    Registered:
    Oct 11, 2005
    You gave me goosebumps, LianaMara. I like poetry. I like to what people can do in verse with the star wars universe. This introspective look into Mara's heart is touching and revealing.

    I guess I'm a sucker for stories where hard heart melt or break. Its the gateway to growth.

    Breaking. A heart of stone can never cleave
    In two; but neither can it skip a beat, increase
    In rhythm, flood my bloodstream with fervor,
    Or wonder, or mere animal alarm.
    It always remains constant: cool and smooth,
    Incapable of any emotions.


    I love your imagery here. Mara begins to see that a solitary reclusive life is, perhaps, not the best thing for her. Excellent work. I'll have to look at your other writing.
     
  9. MirandaFair

    MirandaFair Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 13, 2005
    Lovely bit of poetry, Liana. @};- I'm a fan of reading poetic work and absolutely loved every part of Galatea. The use of language and imagery evoked such strong emotional feelings.

    Sometimes I dream my heart is made of stone,

    What an opener! Stunning. Write more soon! [face_batting] =D=

    edit: typing too fast for my own good. lol (wee bit o'typo)
     
  10. TheCrazyRodian

    TheCrazyRodian Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 3, 2004
    One other point:

    You use the blank verse so effectively that it's easy to forget the meter. There is no forcing of words into spots where they don't fit. I love how smoothly and seamlessly it flows, without ever lapsing into monotonous iambic chant.
     
  11. YodaKenobi

    YodaKenobi Former TFN Books Staff star 6 VIP

    Registered:
    May 27, 2003
    That is so beautiful, Liana =D= Lots of vivid imagery, great form, and the emotion just seems to roll off of the words. You've really managed to capture Mara's feelings through the hard edge she exudes, or the unfeeling façade she wore like a shield in the Thrawn Trilogy to protect herself. She seemed destined to be unhappy at that point :(

    Beautiful language :) Easily one of the best poems I've ever read on the boards. Hope to see more :D
     
  12. dreamspirals

    dreamspirals Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Mar 11, 2003
    wow, just wow =D=
     
  13. obaona

    obaona Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Jun 18, 2002
    Oh, neat. [face_love] [face_love] [face_love] I love it. I think it's a wonderful spin on the story of Pygmalion, and not even really dependent on it at all. As usual, I love your usage of words, the way you say so much with so little (which has always seemed the point of poetry, to me), and you do it so perfectly. [:D]

    @};- @};- @};-
     
  14. Gabri_Jade

    Gabri_Jade Fanfic Archive Editor Emeritus star 5 VIP

    Registered:
    Nov 9, 2002
    Li, I love you. [face_love] The poem amazes me. I've never liked blank verse; I remember being assigned some to read in school and wondering how that counted as poetry; it sounded like random ramblings to me. You take the medium and make it sing. Skeptic though I almost always am about blank verse, your work could convince me not only that it's real poetry, but that it's the heart of the entire concept of poetry. [face_love] You also capture Mara's character so perfectly that had I read this poem not knowing that it was about her, or even that the poet knew that Mara Jade existed, I would still have thought of Mara and considered the parallels perfect. :D

    A thing of strength, this lifeless core, with veins
    Of ice flowing out from this callous rock
    Within my chest to frigid fingertips,


    I can see this, Li. So few poems make me really visualize something, let alone cause the visualization to rise up unbidden in my mind.

    Smooth marble impassive to the transient
    Heat of passion and folly?s fickle flings.


    Even though I could never be classed as a poetry aficionado, there are certain lines that have the sound of eternity in them, ones that I don't think I could forget, like "She walks in beauty, like the night, of cloudless climes and starry skies", or "For the moon never beams without bringing me dreams, of the beautiful Annabel Lee", or "Do not go gentle into that good night, rage, rage against the dying of the light." Li, this line of yours ranks right up there with those classics for me.

    A heart only in name, for marble is
    Too dense. Love requires a weaker home ?
    Capable of sagging, or ripping, or ?

    Breaking.


    I'm so impressed with this part. So often I've seen poems try to achieve what you have here, yet fall short and sound unconnected, or worse, maudlin or melodramatic. This is simply flawless.

    It seems to me a decision between
    Capricious life or bare eternity.


    And somehow in this tiny bit, you manage to show both the pros and cons of each choice, and make it actually a decision that must be struggled with, as Mara did.

    Honestly, Li, poetry must be in your blood. Your poems always feel more natural and alive to me than many poems written by the masters. Let me know when you publish a volume of poetry, darling; I'll buy a couple dozen copies to give as presents, and I'll pester you endlessly until I get an autographed copy, too. ;) [:D]
     
  15. JadeLotus

    JadeLotus Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 27, 2005
    It seems to me a decision between
    Capricious life or bare eternity.


    :eek: =D=

    Wow...just...wow. I'm in awe.
     
  16. Bri_Windstar

    Bri_Windstar Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    May 27, 2002
    Amazing, Liana. Your use of words and flow speak volumes. [:D]
     
  17. Tahi

    Tahi Jedi Knight star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 8, 2002
    Beautiful poem, Li. :) I love the structure and the way the voice IS Mara's in the inflection and word choice. Not easy to do with poems.

    And so I find myself faced with a choice,
    Between the imperfections of the flesh,
    Or the persistent permanence of stone?

    It seems to me a decision between
    Capricious life or bare eternity.


    Great ending summarising the poem - and showing Mara getting to the nub of things as is her wont. :)

    Fantastic work.
     
  18. LianaMara

    LianaMara Jedi Grand Master star 4

    Registered:
    Oct 30, 2000
    I'm sorry for such a delay in replies! :( I'd blame it on my courses, my job, and my scattered brain, but that's no excuse.

    ETA: And thank you for everyone who nominated this poem for the Summer Awards! [face_love] I've made it on to the voting round.


    TheCrazyRodian - [face_blush] Thank you so much. You can't imagine how encouraging your comment was - I had doubts about the structure and style, and someone had criticized my pairing Mara with Pygmalion's legend. Needless to say, I'm so glad you enjoyed it, and I'll try to gather up (and re-edit) some more Mara poems from the past few months.

    And just out of pure curiousity, who's your favourite poet? (Thanks to Tahi, I've become rather fond of T.S. Eliot.) :p

    Knight_Aragorn - I don't think a great knowledge of poetry is needed to enjoy it; even so, I'm happy you liked it so much. I was trying to capture Mara's aloofness and inner struggle through the structure and the words themselves, so I'm pleased that all successfully came through. :D (My earliest draft just felt ... weird.)

    Feng_Huang - Thank you. :) (Relieved I'm not the only one to see a parallel between Pygmalion & Galatea and Mara!)

    Healer_Leona - Thanks; I'm glad you could pick out her character in it.

    Jade_Pilot - Oh, thanks! Poetry offers such great potential, being able to cram layers of meaning into a few short lines. You should really check out all of Tahi's poems on the boards; she's often my inspiration. ;)

    VaderLVR64 - Thank you!

    brodiew - Mara's always been one of my favourite characters, and I especially like delving into the reasoning behind her slow inner melting after the Thrawn trilogy. Goodness, did I start rambling? I feel honoured for writing something that gave you goosebumps, and I'm glad you think the imagery works! :)

    MirandaFair - :D At a risk of sounding silly, I'm rather fond of the opening too. Thanks for that - and don't worry 'bout the typo! (I probably have a few scary ones lurking in this post.)

    TheCrazyRodian (encore) - I originally wrote it in free verse, but a friend pointed out that a flowing style didn't fit the focus of the piece. I ended up rewriting it in blank verse, effectively condensing the poem to half its original size. I'm very happy it still reads smoothly and easily; I really worried about that while editing! :D (Although the original opening, sometimes I dream / of a heart, chiseled from / the finest marble didn't have the zing of the final draft. *shakes head*)

    YodaKenobi - I agree; after the Thrawn trilogy, I wasn't sure how Mara would develop. She seemed terribly cold and bitter. Thanks for the great feedback! I'm pleased you liked it so much, and hopefully I'll have some more poems completed (and posted) this summer. :D

    dreamspirals - Thanks, Mandy!

    oba - [face_love] [face_love] [face_love] I always love my "oba comments," although I'm not sure everyone likes my "li explanations." ;) I can picture post-Thrawn Mara as a combination of Pygmalion & Galatea; feeling like a cold, emotionless machine of her own construction, but with the chance to chip away at the flint and find flesh and life. I pruned a LOT of things from the original poem, so oba-praise about word conciseness and usage makes me grin with joy. [:D] Have you thought about trying any more poems?

    Gabri - It was all for you, oh great one. :D I think the problem most people have with blank verse is that poets from past centuries often felt compelled to fit their lines into a set form, which creates a stilted sound. I tried to (hopefully) avoid that. ;)

    I worried that people wouldn't be able to recognize Mara, with the first-person speaker and the Pygmalion reference ... someone on another site actually criticized the poem for that. But I didn't think an outright "this is Mara" part was necessary, because I tried to make it feel like her.

    Even though I could never be classed as a poetry aficionado, there are certain lines that have the sound of eternity
     
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