GAME: Episode 3: Rainbow Connection (humour)

Blah blah.. continues the same zanieness from our last threads.. The Recontructing Trilogy threads that is.. yes yes and I know that Episode 3 hasn't come out.. but I'm gonna make a thread continuing our story anyways..

Episode 3: Darkside Clouds or Will a Rainbow Ever Shine?

(drum rolls)
(star wars theme plays)
(suddenly it turns into a deep thumping death metal version)
For Three years..The Clone War raged on.. The Clone troopers drove the seperatists out of their systems and hideouts.. Anakin and Padmes marriage has been kept a secret from the Jedi Order.... Obiwan Kenobi, Spirit Qui Gon, Death Stick Guy, Yoda and Mace Windu are probing the senate and now...FINALLY have discovered who the evil person is.. But they must first end the Clone War in a huge epic battle in space...

(cuts to the stars shimmering bright)
(a Republic Cruiser is shown zooming past the screen)
(then followed by several dozen other Cruisers and Jedi Star Ships)
(cuts to Anakin inside a ship)
Anakin: We've got Dooku heading back to Geonosis!!!
Obiwan: Aww. hell.. not again!
(cuts to Jar jar in control of one of the Cruisers)
JarJar: Seperatists pigs are no matchin for usen boomers!
Clone: What the hell is he blabbering about?
Clone#2: I dunno.. just agree with him.
Clone: God.. I don't need this! First Yoda.. now this creep!
Clone#2: Shut up you must.. oops.. (clears throat) Damnit.. now you've got me talking like him again.
Clone: Oh stop bitchin and lets have tea.
Clone#3: Ohh.. wait I wanna cut his head off!!
Clone: Wait wait.. alright.. We'll kill him first and then have tea and biscuits..
Clone#2: Oh not biscuits..
Clone: alright alright!! Lets just kill him anyways!!
All: Right!
(they look to see jar jar not there)
Clone: Hey he ran away!
(cuts to Anakin and Obiwan heading back into the Republic cruiser)
(they exit their ships)
Obiwan: You have excellent piloting skills.. you are a cunning warrior and a good friend...
(guy in the audience: Its about ****in time he said that! Now we can all rest in peace!)
Anakin: YIPPEE!!!
Obiwan: (twitches) If you EVER say that again..
Palpatine: Welcome back... My two favorite GENERAL Jedi.
(CROWD: YES!!!!!!!)
(Organa randomly walks in)
Organa: You have served me well in the Clone Wars.. if you ever need a favor just ask... maybe taking care of babies.. I am an excellent baby sister.. thank you thank you! (leaves)
(CROWD: YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOOT!!!!! )
(yoda comes jumping down towards them)
Yoda: Ha.. getting too old with being General I am. Clone war blows.
(JarJarfan: Come on! More Jar Jar! Have him do something funny!!!)
JarJar: Palpatine.. General Jedis.. A Seperatist Ship army liesa outsidesa. oops!! (hits a button letting big boomers come crashing down into the huge empty hallway of the Republic Cruiser)
(JarJarFan: )
(qui gon appears)
QuiGon: BAHAHAH!!!! (controls the Cruiser and makes it go into Hyper Space)
ALL: AHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(cuts to Dooku in his ship)
(Dooku looks above him and sees the Republic Cruiser zooming faster than light)
Dooku: Republic Cruiser One.. They've gone to plad! (stares up in amazement)
QuiGon: So we have a deal?
Dooku: I don't remember anything.. If You catch my drift Master.. Sifo Dyas?
(Crowd: Wait a minute.. that doesn't make any sense!!!)
QuiGon: Hold on.. (Qui Gon goes into the audience and throws thermal detanators everywhere)
Crowd: AGHHH...BOOM!!!
QuiGon: Good now back to business..give me.. the Rubber Ducky...
Dooku: Not.. the RUBBER DUCKY!!!!
.........

 

Started out funny. You lost me at "plad."

 

Palpatine: Mr.Dooku, has our death star been built yet?
Dooku: Yes, in fact, I have it here with me.
Palpatine: How?
Dooku: Simple (pulls white sheet off of it, the death star is the size of a car)
Palpatine: You idiot!!! It's too small.
Dooku: Your plans said "4 M"
Palpatine: What did you think m stood for?
Dooku: Meters
Palpatine: You idiot!!!!! It was 4 miles!! (kills dooku)
Palpatine: You, Anakin Skywalker, come here.
Anakin: Me?
Palpatine: Yes, you.
Anakin: okay
Palpatine: So, you want to be my sith partner?
Anakin: Yippee!
Palpatine(draws hand like he is about to hit anakin, but refrains from doing it): Don't you ever say that again.

(palpatine's voice comes over the intercom)
Palpatine: Fellow senators, I am leader of the Sith. Carry on.
All: AAAAHAHAHAHA, that palpatine is such a joker.

 

Yippee!!! I mean..umm

I found it.

Padme: Anakin, I'm pregant. Wait, did we get married in II? I guess so. Is that my line? Wait, can we cut? It's rolling? Oh well...
Anakin: You're what? That's no good...how's a senator and a si- I mean Jedi spossed to take care of twins?!
Padme: Twins? Where'd that come from?
Anakin: I...uh... I ..uh...Look, Padme, sand! Its course and rough! Unlike bubbles!
Padme: ::groans, smacks head:: Here we go again...

 

I am an excellent baby sister

To which I say... eh? ?

But yes, very funny.

Foo Fighters say... I just kind of died for you, you just kind of stared at me

 

EDIT: BTW people!!! This is not a Review Thread!! You ADD ON to the story to continue it.. Thank You.)

(cuts to Coruscant)
(the sun begins to set... on the Senate it seems)
(cuts inside; the gigantic Senate Room)
Senator: The war is almost finished!
Senators: Hey dudes!! Party at my house!!!
(Twist and Shout begins to play really loud in the Senate room)
(cuts back to Geonosis, underground Nute Gunray, Dooku and the Geonosians are awaiting the Clones final assault upon them)
Gunray: The Jedi ...have defeated us. We might as well give up! (hangs his head low)
GeonosianLeader: (clicks) Not if we stand tall and proud. We must regain what has been lost! And taken away from us! First we will bring down their armies tonight.. Then! the Republic will fall to our knees!
Geonosian#2: The Republic has knees?
Leader: (clicks) No!! (throws bucket of water at the dumbass)
(insane laughter rises from the Geonosians)
(Count Dooku arises from the throne)
Dooku: Enough of this fruity circus stuff..The battle began here.. the Clones drove us out..and we all strangely for some reason hitched a ride to destroy several buildings on Coruscant then came back here.. to fight that battle again.. but foolishly they left Geonosis without security. Now.... it is ours again!! We shall make our comeback! Just like in those Rocky movies!! dun dun dun!! dun dun dun!! (does several boxing glove punches) And so.. the battle will end here!! You know no fear!! Tonight You will taste clone flesh!!
Gunray: That sounded an awful lot like Saruman.
Dooku: You know what? (pulls out gun and blows Gunray away)
(huge cheers rise from inside the catacombs; hidden beneath the surface)
(but above the surface a massive force of Clone Troopers have already landed and are searching and destroying every last remaining catacomb and Geonosian)
(at the lead of these Clones; are several Jedi Masters. the last ones left from the war.. and that extremely crippled the Jedi Order.. well like ..duh!)
(Master Yoda looked around in agony, this war had torn apart his soul)
(Mace looked over to Yoda)
Mace: Do you sense it?
Yoda: The party on Coruscant?
Mace: No! Motha ****a!! The damn Clone Wars!!!
Yoda: Shut up!!! Cane do you want this.. Up your ass it will be!!
Mace: Like to see ya try bitch!!
Yoda: Nah.. too tired.
Mace: Thought so..
Yoda: Kidding I was!!! HERHER!! (flips over to mace, landing on his shoulders, knocking him out with his cane)
(qui gons spirit appears in front of them)
QuiGon: I know where the Geonosians are!!
Yoda: Where?
QuiGon: Depends..
Yoda: Depends on what Qui Gon?
QuiGon: On how good your manners are.. how big your.. pocket book is..
Yoda: Disgusting you are!!
QuiGon: Yea..well thats what ya get for being a floating ghost!
Yoda: Being one with the force.. sounds lame it does..
QuiGon: ...I did not hear you JUST say that!!!
Yoda: Did I say that!!
Quigon: Ahh shut up yo old fart!
Yoda: If only could I kick your spirit ass I would!! (tries to wap Qui gon with his cane)
QuiGon: HAHA! Your so STUPID!!
(cuts to a clone trooper looking at Yoda swinging at nothing with his cane)
Clone: God..(sighs deeply) those Jedi are SO messed up!
Clone#2: Yea I Know..
(yoda walks up to them)
Yoda: Messed up You say? Bitch?! Don't **** with this master you will not!! (cuts up Clone trooper with his lightsaber)
Yoda: Wanna slice.. bitch?
Clone#2: Uh No eh beh.. I'll be over there.
QuiGon: Don't worry Yoda.. I got this.. (force lifts the clone#2 and throws him into catacombs)
Yoda: .....HAHAHH!! (wipes tear away)
QuiGon: (puts on baseball cap) Take me out to the ball.. GAME!!! (punches clone trooper)
Jedis: HAHAHAHAHA!!! (wipes tears away)
(suddenly a huge rumbling is felt on the ground)
(a huge army of Droids and Super Battle Droids are marching towards them)
QuiGon: (his eyes widen) DROIDS!!! SWEEEET!! (takes out force lightsaber and cuts them all up)
Clones: Ahh come on!! Why the hell can't we fight anymore?! Some crazy lu

 

ANAKIN: You're pregnant with Yoda's brat?? What if it looks like a muppet too?
PADME: My natural beauty will be passed down to- OMG, you think it might be ugly? Ok, then it's Obi-Wan's.
ANAKIN: but you just-
PADME: And I married you for your money.
ANAKIN: What??? Oh, Padme! Don't leave me... wait, you're one stupid chick.
PADME: TTYL LOL!
ANAKIN: wtf? why are we all tlkng in 'net acronyms?
OBI-WAN: Joined AOL, Padme has. Return, she will not.
ANAKIN: ???? :?
OBI-WAN: Understand, you will not, until your child is shared with Yoda.
ANAKIN: Ummm..... disa Jedi are tooo con fa- Using to me! Cah wayz- ie! Den wesa lika dis....AGGGGHHH NO, I'll never join you Jar-Jar, never!
JAR-JAR: HAH, but it is I- the chancellor!
ALL: You're the rubber ducky?
JAR-JAR: No, I have the rubber ducky!
ALL: DOGPILE!!!!
PADME: so, newaz ANi, w/ me bein AOLish & all, I guess I have 2 leev u. Gbye!
ANAKIN: huh??
OBI-WAN: Leaving you, she is. Understand, you do not.
ANAKIN: DOES ANYONE HERE SPRIKENZE DUETCH??? I MEAN HABLO ESPANOL? I MEAN PAR LES VOUS FRANCES? I MEAN SPEAK ENGLISH?
YODA: Rubber ducky, you're the one! You make bath time so much fun! Rubber ducky I'm awefully fond of you!!!
GENOSIAN: (not clicking, english accent) Actually, my dear fellow, I happen to speak English, wot!
ANAKIN: AGGGGGH!!
::wakes up, sucks thumb::
It was just a nightmare, I'm okay....
PADME: Ani, r u all > ? Wussup, bd dream? im sor. g'night.
ANAKIN: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

 

(no message)

 

(The Jedi and the Clones pass by a Geonosian catacomb that looks an awful lot like Dexs Diner)
Mace: Yo! Dexs Diner!
Yoda: Whats doin that here?
Mace: Quit yo complaining.. I don't care if its Chinatown.. or Rock river side.. I'm In a Jawa Juice State of Mind!! (flicks one of yodas ears) Bitch.
Yoda: (ignores Mace) Fine.. go in we must.
(clone looks over to another one)
Clone: Thank god! Maybe they'll have a Kamino Mocachino! Haven't had one of those babies in helluva long time!
(the hundreds of Clones suddenly empty out of the 20 Republic Cruisers and head into the incredibly small Dexs Diner)
(suddenly Dooku walks up to them from the counter wearing a chefs hat)
Dooku: Welcome to my humble diner.. All Jedi are welcome of course.. and several hundreds of Clones.. pouring in.. HEY!! do you clones have enough money?! (points to the clones)
Clones: Umm We left it.. in our.. Cruisers.. (they all run out in a panic)
Dooku: Now.. what would you like?
Yoda: Hmm.. Jawa Juice please.
Mace: Yoda! (whispers into yoda ear) Something is wrong here.. Maybe its a trap..
Yoda: Trap? The prices of Jawa Juice you mean? What a death trap it is! 50 Republic Dacterries!!
Mace: Yea well.. Just wanted ya to be careful b****!
Yoda: Hrmm.... Okay. See here let me.. (looks at the menu for 5 minutes) Hermmm..
Dooku: (looks at his watch) Look I haven't got all day.
Yoda: Patience.. for a Jedi it is time to eat as well...
Dooku: (rolls his eyes)
Mace: Hey.. don't I know you from somewhere?
Dooku: I don't think so.. I'm just ordinary everyday... Dex!
Mace: No no.. I think you like some sort of Wookie.. or something.
Dooku: Well I'm sorry my old friend.. you are wrong. I am a flesh and blood human. Now.. what would you like?
Mace: No Motha ****a says I WAS WRONG AND GETS AWAY WITH IT!!!
Dooku: I didn't say..
Mace: What was that b****?! Did you SAY I WAS WRONG?!! (grabs at Dookus black cloth) ANSWA. THE. MOTHA ****IN QUESTION!
Yoda: Answer the question you better.
Dooku: God you guys ARE morons! I'm Count Dooku!
Yoda: Decide that for ourselves we will. (long pause) Dooku you are not!
Dooku: Look! I brought you in here. To let you order some Jawa Juices and drink them and fall flat dead! Its a trap alright? Get it in your ****in heads! JEEZ! I need some sleep... (huge deep sigh)
Mace: I don't believe you.
Dooku: *#@$! Okay alright! If proofs what ya want..Send in the Battle Droids!!
(droids come in but are suddenly sliced apart by the spirit Qui Gon)
Dooku: Ah hell.
Yoda: Ordered a Jawa Juice I did... DARTH TYRANNUS.
Dooku: Do I look like a ****in dinosaur to you?!
Yoda: *cough* Sith name *cough*
(long pause)
Dooku: (he remembers) Oh yea! I mean.. yea? So what? You know my Sith name? You must've looked in the Jedi Archives to find out about that! And somehow you managed to find me all the way here on Geonosis with 1,000's of clones. I think.. I have a Jedi stalker!
Yoda: In the neighborhood I was! Thats all!
Mace: (looks over to Yoda in disgust) Why you Sick mutha....
........

 

Sidious: What am I going to do with this death star that idiot made?
(throws it in a dumptser, spirit QuiGon walks by)
Spirit QuiGon: oooohhh...
***

(Anakin and ObiWan are on the Ewok planet)
Anakin: Master I don't think there are any droids here.
Obi-Wan: Wait, my very young padawan
Anakin: STOP CALLING ME THAT!!!
(they get into a fight)
(The ewok army appears, ObiWan and Anakin are outnumbered, just then, the death star appears. With spirit QuiGon driving it.)
Qui-Gon: AAAHAHAHAHAH
(fires into ewokcroud, killing millions)
ObiWan: Qui-Gon, you came to save us!
QuiGon: Yeah... save you... Well, get in, we have work to do.
(coruscant senate building)
Palpatine: Senators, I love democracy, but this is too much power for even me to keep.
(just then, the death star crashes through the roof)
Palpatine: My death star!
(everyone looks at him)
Palpatine: I mean... his death star! (points to Bail Antilles of Alderaan)
(they all get out there guns and start shooting each other)
ObiWan: Master, why is it every time I see you millions of people are being killed?
Qui-Gon: Not my fault. (hand casually moves over to the control panel of the death star)
Qui-Gon: Oooops...
(death star fires into senate, killing more people. Qui-Gon hops out and begins slicing them up)
Qui-Gon: Cover me!
Anakin: Okay (starts shooting senator's one-by-one with death star)

 

Obiwan: Anakin.. Look!! a random volcano just appeared on Coruscant!!!
Anakin: OOHHh!!! Looks fun!! Wanna go play near it?
Obiwan: But the Jedi Council specifically..
Anakin: THEY HAVE RULES FOR VOLCANOS IN THE JEDI ORDER??!!
Obiwan: Well.. ok.. not really! But you know! hehe! Say is that a flying donkey?!
Anakin: Where?!
(Obiwan fist slams Anakin out cold)
Obiwan: HAHAH!!! I'm in control of da Death Star now!! W00t!!!
(suddenly anakin awakens and kicks his Master off)
(the death star model is approaching the volcano)
(anakin and obiwan begin to strangle each other like rabid monkies)
Obiwan: I HATE YOU!!!!
Anakin: I HATE YOU TOO!!! (takes out lightsaber; Obiwan takes out his lightsaber)
(they jump away outside and begin to fight on the outside of the Death Star)
(their lightsabers clash several times)
Obiwan: Anakin.. you disappoint me. Master Yoda holds you in such high esteem.
Anakin: What are you turning into Dooku now or something?!
Obiwan: Oh thats the last straw!!
(they stop and look at each other)
(Anakin out of nowhere pulls out a straw)
Anakin: It IS the LAST STRAW!!! BAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!! (laughs insanely for no reason)
Obiwan: (holds his laugh) Oh yes... hmhmhm...(starts to chuckle) (then bursts out laughing) Don't you ever do that again!
Anakin: (controls his laughing, then starts laughing again) ...GUN DARKS!!!!!
Obiwan: (bursts out crying in laughter) NO NO!!! Stop it!! Your killing me!!! HAHAH!!!!
Anakin: (laughing) DEATH STICKS!!!
Obiwan: (crying) HAHAHAHAHAHAAHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Stop it!! Stop it!!
Anakin: Look at me I'm Jar Jar Binks!!! I'm so smilen to see yousa!!
Obiwan: (laughing so hard that he can't breath) I'll get you for this!! HAHAH!!!!
Anakin: hehehehe.. oh boy.. (wipes away tear) (silence again) ..So.. where the hell our we?
Obiwan: By the looks of it.. I'd say we took a wrong turn at.... Albeqerque? heeheheh!!!!
Anakin: Master that wasn't funny.
Obiwan: Oh go get a glass of water!
Anakin: Okay. (walks inside of death star and grabs a bucket of water and splashes it on obiwan)
Obiwan: I SAID a GLASS of water!
Anakin: Oh stop bitching.. you always complain!!!
Obiwan: ME?!! Its you who does the complaining!!
(silence...)
(they look at each other, then shake their heads in confusion and wonder what the hell they were just saying and doing)
(they THEN realize again that they on top of a gigantic model of the death star flying in the middle of Coruscant and that their flying over head a gigantic active volcano that has appeared out of nowhere, with millions of buildings blowing up and senators lying all over dead, fire has engulfed the planet)
.....
Obiwan: (looks over to Anakin) You think we'll get hazard pay for this?
(qui gon jumps up to them)
QuiGon: I know I will!!!!
(shoves them both off the Death Star)

 

(As Obiwan and Anakin fall nearby the volcano, they begin to battle endlessly)
(Palpatine comes walking out of the Senate building shocked to see most of Coruscant on fire)
(He looks up and sees his small model of the death star being used to destroy everything; so he screams at the top of his lungs to the guy piloting; whose wearing an old WW2 war helmet)
Palpatine: You up there! Stop that!
QuiGon: But!...
Palpatine: No! Stop it now or I shall sick my dogs onto you!
QuiGon: (smiles) Ha! I'm a spirit! Dogs can't hurt me!!
Palpatine: Okay.. then they are spirit dogs!!
QuiGon: Aww hell. (Qui gon stops his killing and bloodshed on the Death Star and walks out letting the Death Star fall into the crowded streets)
Palpatine: Aww!! God.. this is going to cost me.. (whispers to himself) How the hell did qui gon find it?! (remembers) Oh yea.. the throwing it away.. thing.. (sighs outloud) (sees Anakin and Obiwan fighting) And you two! Stop fighting and those ANNOYING arguements!!
Obiwan: (arrogantly) Oh yea?! Says Who?!
Palpatine: Well.. Me. I am the Emperor now. (grins expecting the Jedi Master to know what hes talking about)
Obiwan: (confused) Oh really? umm.. Thats good?
Palpatine: No no.. (frustrated) Listen to what I said you moron..I am the Emperor now. You know.. bam bam+jedi = DEAD jedi?
Obiwan: (blank face and has a deep confusion about what Palpatines talking about) What are you saying Palps?
Palpatine: (huge deep sigh) ...Do you have any thoughts sturring around in that lump sided brain of yours?
Obiwan: (smile to Palps not understanding a word he just said, Obiwan looks over to Anakin) So hows life?
Anakin: Fine fine.. Did you see that new Senator.. Oh man..
Palpatine: (bursts out in a fury) FORCEDAMNIT! (lightning zaps all around him) I've waited too ****ING LONG to take over you Jedi!!!!! I can't believe how utterly absent minded you all are!!! What do I have to do?! Spell it out for you?! or Put a huge banner on my face saying I am Darth Sidious!??!!
Obiwan: Umm yes whatever you just said.
Palpatine: .....(clers his frustration) Ha Its not worth the time right now.. I'll do the 'I'm a Sith' confesion scene later on! Come! tonight we shall watch the Republic win the final battle against the Seperatists!!
Obiwan: (very tired and confused) Honestly what the hell are you talking about?!
Palpatine: Obiwan go to sleep. (motions him to sleep, Obwan falls over to sleep) Good boy.
(Cuts to Spirit Qui Gon hanging his head low and sitting at the top of a really tall building, he is really pondering his spirit life)

QuiGon: Hmmm.. maybe I shouldn't be blowing up stuff.. I mean its getting kind of pointless... I wonder if me being a spirit and all is making me change...(sighs and begins to cry) Its all Obiwans fault!! Hes holding me back!!!!! (throws a thermal detanator at a nearby flying car which explodes into a million pieces)
.................

 

(still falling)
Anakinbi-wan, this is all your fault! I hate you!
ObiWan: Anakin, you are an idiot. You will be the first to die!
(they battle on the way down)
Obi-Wan: Enough of this! (puts two middle fingers in palm of his hand, a web shoots out.)
Anakin: Hey, that's not fair! I want a web! I'll get you for this ObiWan!!!
ObiWanswinging on web) Ha, I think not!
(jedi temple)
Yoda: ObiWan, I have bad news, Anakin is dead.
ObiWan: What are you talking about? I just saw him 10 minutes ago.
Yoda: He fell into a volcano.
ObiWan: What?
Yoda: He burnt up.
ObiWan: You're gonna have to dumb it down a bit.
Yoda: You idiot! He's gone forever. Game over, see you later.

 

(Gardulla the Hutt enters, bearing a child wrapped in a dirty cloth)

Gardulla: "Jar-Jar?"
JJ: "Yessa?"
Yoda: "Bad news, I fear."
OB1: "B*lls, I know what's coming."
(He slips behind a tapestry)
Gardulla: "I - I had our baby, Jar-Jar."
JJ: "WHATSA?"
Gardulla: "Remember that day, behind the stands at the pod races? It was dark, we were drunk..."
(She inches toward him, a thick, slippery slime trail is left behind her. The baby starts to cry.)
JJ: "Oh, nosa. Meesa no havin' no pee pee."
OB1: (Whispering to Yoda) "Make her go away!"
Gardulla: "But, but Jar-Jar, you told me you loved my warm fleshy openings!"
OB1: (Whispering) "Get her out of here!"
Yoda: "Quiet, you will be. Good, this is getting."
Gardulla: "I - I named her Anna Nicole. Do you think she's pretty, Jar-Jar?"
JJ: "Uhhhh, nosa, not really, no."
Gardulla: "But, Jar-Jar, you told me I was your sperm burpin' goo goppin' screamin' semen demon. Did you find someone else?"
Yoda: "With me, you will come, Gardulla. Show you real love, I will. My Altar boy, you will be."
(They leave, OB1 comes out)
OB1: "Whew!"
JJ: "Thatsa last time I cover for yousa, OB."
(OB1 ignites his lightsaber and cuts off Jar-Jar's butt cheeks. He screams in agony as OB1 and the voice of Qui-Gon howl with laughter.)
Qui-Gon: "I love that. You still got it, my young padawan."
OB1: "Yeah, I'll never tire of that."
(He wipes away a tear.)

 

(LMAO! nice to have ya back DarthZchour )

(just as Obiwan and Qui Gon were laughing Taun We approached Obiwan.. again)
TaunWe: We have some new armies we have been making.. we would like you to see them.
Obiwan: Oohhoo.. Lama Su.. (grabs her hand and kisses it) We meet again. (puts on a tie and a tuxedo)
(they both arrive on Kamino)
(Obiwan flurts with Taun We some more)
(its raining and being the gentleman Obiwan is, he pulls out an umbrella and holds it for Taun We)
TaunWe: Aw.. how sweet.
Obiwan: Thats why I'm here.
TaunWe: Didn't I see you in Moulin Rouge?
Obiwan: Umm no why?
TaunWe: Well strange.. you look exactly like him.. oh yes he must be a clone of you.
Obiwan: Whatever.. anyways.. (breaks into a song and sings) Raindrops keep fallin on my head.. but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red! Cryings not for me!
(Lama Su looks out his window seeing Obiwan singing to Taun We)
LamaSu: Master Jedi Obiwan stealing my honey?! I don't think so! (orders a garison of Clone troopers to follow him, to capture Obiwan)
Obiwan: (singing) ...And I will always love you!!
(taun we blushes)
(suddenly that is cut off by the jealous Lama Su and the Clone Troopers opening up the door to the front door and begin to shoot at Obiwan)
Obiwan: I love you Taun We!!! (obiwan jumps into the ocean)
Lama: (filled with jealousy and anger) He will not live for long.. (snaps fingers and Clone Troopers dive into the water) Taun.. I will speak with YOU later..(jumps into the water)
Taun: (whispers) I love you Obiwan..
.....

 

QuiGon(looking down): Whoa, he sank like a rock. AAAHAHAHAHA (force pushes everyone else into the water, then their ship)
***
(Taun We, the only survivor, climb back up onto the platform)
Taun: Hey, where's QuiGon? And why are some of our clones and their weapons missing?
(A clone carrier ship lands on some deserted planet)
QuiGon: Now, you guys just stay here. And I expect you to have doubled in number when I return in 20 years.
Clone: Yes sir!
***
Jedi temple

(everyone is relaxing at the loss of ObiWan when all of a sudden, the door to the temple is blown off by some explosion, Darth Vader walks in)
Jedi: Hello, welcome to the jedi tem---
(QuiGon is in the main room playing keep-away with yoda's walking stick, he drops the stick all of a sudden and begins sniffing like a dog)
QuiGon: What's this smell I smell? It smells like... droids!!!
Darth Vader: What the...
(QuiGon goes psycho on Vader, unaware that he is not a droid)
QuiGon: Surely you can do better, master yoda holds you in such high regards.
Darth Vader: QuiGon, stop, it's me Anakin!
QuiGon: Die you droid scum! (cuts off both of vader's arms and begins stabbing him in the chest, luckily, to vader's advantage, the librarian droid walks out. Vader plays dead while QuiGon goes over and kills it, then vader escapes.)
Vader: Forget you, man.

 

(obiwan returns back to Coruscant, and heads into the jedi temple recognizing Darth Vader as Anakin)
(Darth Vader doesn't yet have that famous mask on yet.. so Obiwan sees an opurtunity to save Anakin)
Obiwan: Anakin! You have become an agent of evil!
Vader: No i haven't!
Obiwan: Really?
Vader: Yep!
Obiwan: recently?
Vader: Once or twice
Obiwan: Oh yes.. now what are we talking about?
Vader: You and I were singing Rubber Ducky!
Obiwan: The rubber ducky of the republic?!!
Vader: Yea.. whatever.. anyways.. Rubber ducky your the one! You make bath time so much fun!
Obiwan: I don't believe you!
Vader: really? well you see that volcano over there?
Obiwan: yea?
Vader: Remember when we fought on it.. and I exploded?
Obiwan: You exploded?
Vader: Yes! Say do you have any donuts around here.. I'm starved!
Obiwan: Why do you want donuts? You might get sith germs all over it!
Vader: grr I did hear you say that!!!
Obiwan: You didn't? well here I'll help.. (yells into anakins life support system) SITH GERMS!!!!!!!
Vader: AHH!! I already heard you! Your master is a nut.. I had to reattach my arms because he thought i was a droid!
Obiwan: Your a ...droid?!!! (drools at the thought of chopping up a droid)
(cuts back to Geonosis)
(its now the epic final battle.. between Droids and Clones..)
Droid: Yo mama is so fat that she looks like a Shaak!!
Clone: Your gonna pay for that!!!
Droid: Ooohoo I quiver with fear!!
Clone: Yea you'll quiver with lasers through you!!! (blasts the droid apart)
Droid#2: Why can't we be friends?
Clone#2: YAY!!! Lets all be friends and take over the republic!!! But first lets take out the Geonosians.. and THEN the jedi!!
(the droids and clones form a pact and murder the Geonosians)
Dooku: Whats going on here?!
DroidsandClone: We have formed a new army.
Dooku: No you haven't!
Yoda: Can't decided for themselves whos good or bad.. personally who cares.. I say.. we take over the republic together!
Dooku: Agreed. But first.. thats the first time I've ever heard you say something normal!
Yoda: (angry face) (force shocks dooku)
Windu: Hey I wanted to do that!
(qui gon appears out of the catacomb looking like the Diner)
ChefQuiGon: who wants some Jawa Juice?!
All: YAY!!!!!!!! (Everyone runs inside.........

 

(They're all sitting and having a good time in the Diner, a band is playing, the clones are drinking jawa juice and the droids are enjoying some motor oil.)
Clone: ...and she said, "whatever you do, don't sell that car"
All: AAAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Droid (drunken stupor): You clones sure are lucky we decided to join with you, your army is pitiful.
Clone (drunken stupor) Where I come from that sounds an aweful lot like a challenge.
Droid: (drunken stupor): Bring it on!
(clone punches droid in the face, another droid hits the clone on the head with a beer bottle, both armies get into a barfight)
Yoda: Oh, look at the time, gotta go!
Dooku: Me too
Mace: Run!!
ChefQuiGon: Whosa gonna pay for all this?
Clone: Shut your trap. (shoots at quigon)
ChefQuiGon: I know you didn't!
(joins barfight)

(coruscant)
(Jar-Jar walks to his speeder and gets in, he cautiously turns the key to start it. nothing happens, so he gets out a cigarette and pushes down the cigarette lighter button, a second later, it pops back up and the speeder explodes in a huge explosion. Ki-Adi-Mundi is looking at this out the window of the jedi temple, a smile can be seen on his face)

 

(Ki-Adi-Mundi laughs harder and louder attaching bombs all over the Temple)
Mundi: HAHAH!!! (wipes tear away)
Nasta: Time for my weekly bath Mundi!!!
Mundi: (shivers) Umm I gotta go.. Time to go check to see how all my barflies are doing on ...Geonosis.. yea... (he runs out of the Jedi Temple very fast... he runs out as the whole Jedi temple explodes)
Mundi: (smiles) Oops!! I wonder how that happened!
(on lookers run over to the explosion)
Girl: What happened?
Mundi: oh exploding rubber ducky.
Girl: Really whats a ducky?
Mundi: Nevermind.. You will come with me to the Nightclub tonight.
Girl: I will come with you to the Nightclub tonight.
Mundi: You love me.
Girl: I don't love you.
Mundi: Yes you do.
Girl: No you don't.
Mundi: (frustrated) Ah hell.. hey!!! (runs and jumps into a random flying car)
Mundi: Please take me to Geonosis.
Driver: How the hell did you...
Mundi: Oh its quite simple really.. (fist slams driver out cold) (sighs) Its not easy being a Jedi Knight..
(he jumps into the drivers seat)
(suddenly Jar Jar appears next to Mundi)
Mundi: Hey i thought I killed you!.......

 

JarJar: Well I guess you forgot to make sure I was dead
Mundi: Okay (punches jarjar out of speeder and watches him splat on the ground below. Ditches speeder into a side of a building, whole building explodes. Gets new speeder, bond music plays, Mundi parks speeder in driveway of dex's diner and runs in with a silenced pistol.)
Mundi: Dex, I need to talk with you
Dex: Ah yes, Mr. Mundi, I have been expecting you. Please, sit down
Mundi: Where is the rubber ducky of the republic?
Dex: I assumed you had it.
Mundi: I didn't come here to play games Dex, now tell me, please.
Dex: Oh, that rubber ducky, I think it is right here (hand pushes button under desk, alram goes off, 25 droidekas come into the room.
Mundi: I always did like a good fight (jumps through roof, bond music is playing, on the roof, Mundi is running on the roof while the droidekas are shooting at him. He jumps and catches onto a random speeder.)
Mundi: mind if I catch a ride?
Padme: Of course...

 

Mundi: Aren't you supposed to be with Annie or Anamin..Anakin.. or whatever the hell his name is?
Padme: What are you saying?
Mundi: Nothing.. I was saying nothing.. I am in agony..I love sand.. but its nothing like your smooth skin..
Padme: WTF?! Ugh! why does every guy I talk to recite poems?!
Mundi: I don't know maybe it has to do with your beautiful eyes...
Padme: Now your getting annoying.
Mundi: No I'm getting you.
Padme: In your dreams!
Mundi: Of course! Now Shut up and enjoy the ride baby! (Kisses Padme and grabs the ships controls and swirves upwards and they travel into space heading toward Geonosis; bond music continues...

 

(they land on geonosis, where the barfight has turned into another war)
Dooku: Master Mundi, such a surprise to see you here.
Mundi: The pleasure was all mine
Dooku: Now, why not be a good boy and just die. ((graps padme and flies gets in speeder and flies away)
Mundi: You always do things the hard way, now, what do I have to chase him with? Ah, that old death star should do nicely.
(chases Dooku in the death star through the battle fields, bond music is playing)
(dooku stops)
Dooku: Master Mundi, you have fought most valiantly. Worthy of recognition in the archive of the jedi order.
Mundi: Oh, well, I... Hey, wait, you're an enemy. (fires death star on full blast at Dooku. Dooku and his speeder as well as padme are vaporized)

 

(Anakin/Vader sees Padme getting vaporized)
Vader: GRRRRR... Now I shall have my revenge Mundi!!!!!
Mundi: Like to see ya try good ole chap. (flicks off vader)
Vader: Your going down!!!!
(Vader gets into a proto type tie fighter)
Vader: You shall be the first Jedi to be brutally killed by me!!! (sends rocket flying at Mundi, but Mundi uses the force to block the bombs and sends them in the reverse direction to vader)
Vader: Uh oh Not good! (jumps out of his TIE fighter which explodes)
(vader falls to the ground)
(cuts to the REAL Dooku and Padme are over to the old hangar)
Dooku: Now shall be the last move.. we shall fake our deaths.. and Vader will kill all of the Jedi.. then I will pretend that I have kidnapped you!! His love for you will draw him back!!
Padme: ...Then Sidious will tell Anakin to strike you down? You know the Sith 2 rule?
Dooku: Ha! I .. huh?!
Padme: You didn't know about that? You know your master will eventually get rid of you!
Dooku: Well.... it didn't say that on the contract!
(cuts to Mundi flying in the death star which is shot down by the drunken Droids)
(mundi jumps out of the exploding model Death Star)
(all of the jedi empty out of the Diner, sensing some more Droids to chop up)
Mundi: (turning on his lightsaber) Come on you ****in droids who wants some?!
(all of the droids fight the jedi once again)
Mace: HAHA!! God I love this!! (cries)
ChefQuiGon: (grins evily) Die die die!!! (throws thermal detanators everywhere)
Yoda: heherhee Better than pro wrestling!!
(Yoda swings his lightsaber through 10 droids ,like Shiscabob!)
(the Clones stumble out of the bar, and see the battle underway)
Clones: YEEHAW!!!!! Come on boys! (Clones join the fight...

 

...suddenly its a huge war again.. surviving geonosians and droids, and clones and Jedi are fighting a bloody fury.....Here the clones come to save the day!!!!
"Bam Bam BAM!!!!!!"
(all of the catacombs suddenly explode in a violent fury)
(cuts to Nute Gunray and Count Dooku both smiling evily at Senator Amidala underground one of the catacombs)
Amidala: HA! You guys lost your stupid war!!
Nute: ..no we haven't.. not unless you tell us where the Rubber ducky of the republic is!!
Amidala: What Rubber Ducky?!
Nute: Uhh.. the one.. its supposed to be in the Senate.. I dunno..
Amidala: Okay then its in the Senate.. how am I supposed to know something that doesn't even exist!!?
Dooku: don't play games with us..now where is it?
Amidala: I told you jeez! Are you braindead?
Nute: (continues laughing) 'I'm not going in there with two jedi!' Hehe.. its just.. you know.. in episode one.. heh.. when the two jedi.. came.. and ..(nervous laugh) ..never mind...
(dooku and padme stare at gunray in pity)
Dooku: Please.. Gunray.. shut up. Now Senator Amidala.. we have ways of making you talk..
Amidala: No you don't.
Dooku: Ok we don't.. but thats not the point.. the point IS.. umm..
Amidala: That your a complete moron?
Dooku: (sighs) Oh dear.. you shouldn't have said that.
Nute: Come on kill her now!!!
Dooku: Patience...
Nute: NO shut up! I'm killing her now!! (grabs jangos old guns and points them at Amidala, but then he stops and looks into Padmes eyes, they are crying)
Nute: NO!! Your too damn hot! I can't kill you... (drops gun and begins to cry)
Amidala: Jeez! You guys are wimps!
Dooku: my lady.. your hotness has hurt Gunrays feelings.. thats not nice at all...
Amidala: No this is!! (flashes them)
Both: (speechless) Yes that IS nice! hehe
Amidala: (jumps out of their grasp and kicks them to the ground)
(Anakin jumps in out of nowhere)
Amidala: Anakin?! I thought you became Darth Vader!!!
Anakin: Nope.. that was my clone, baby..
Amidala: Your clone baby?
Anakin: No i ment it like.. you know.. your my baby and stuff.. not a CLONE baby or something..
Amidala: (confused) Your calling me a Clone baby?!
Anakin: NO NO!! Damn get your ears fixed!! (walks over to the villains) Dooku..? Gunray..?!! When will you bastards DIE like the scum you are?!
Nute: Actually.. Umm it wasn't me... it was all dooku..
Anakin: Okay off you go...
Nute: Oh! thank you. (runs away)
Padme: Just kidding!! (shoots Gunray dead)
Nute: Damnit.. (falls to the ground)
Dooku: (mocking) Ooo.. so you killed Gunray.. that isn't going to gain you anything!!
Anakin: Oh But killing you will gain me something.. REVENGE FOR MY ARM!!!!
(charges at Dooku battling him in a heavy swings of with his lightsaber)
Dooku: Impressive Anakin.. but not... (kicks anakin in the head) ...IMPRESSIVE....(fist slams Anakin in the head) ...ENOUGH!!...............

 

Anakin: Here, ummm.. Dooku, drink some of this poison... I mean water, nope, not poisonous, won't hurt you at all.
Dooku: Okay (drinks poison)
Anakin: Ha! Tricked you!
Dooku: (spits poison out) No, tricked you!
Anakin: D'oh, oh well, (throws glass of poison in Dooku's face)
Dooku: ARHGGGGGGG!!!!! (explodes in a huge explosion)
(anakin wakes up on coruscant in a pile of metal)
QuiGon: Whoa, that was some fall
Anakin: What happened?
QuiGon: Well, right before Dooku exploded and you blacked out, I came and took you back to coruscant, put you on the ground and tossed Dooku into the senate floor. All the senators died again.
Anakin: AAHAHAHAH,
Anakin: Well, thanks for rescuing me and blah blah blah....
QuiGon: (thinking)I wish he's shut up, he talks too much, I like killing droids, they remind me of potato chips, mmmmmmmm, potato chips
Anakin: ...and that's why I hate ObiWan now.
QuiGon(gnawing on his hand): mmmmmmmmmm, potato chips...