GAME: Reconstruct Attack of the Clones!!

Ok rules are the same from the last Reconstruct thread. (if ya haven't read it read it now!!) so.. start your engines.. and Go friggin nuts with Episode 2!!

(10 years later)
(starting credits roll by)
(a shiny silver is shown approaching Coruscant)
(it appears through the clouds)
(its followed by some small naboo fighter ships)
Captain: They're approaching.. everything looks clear..
(huge ship lands)
(decoy padme and her guards are exiting the ship)
Captain: Good and not one problem!!!
(suddenly the ship explodes throwing everyone a couple of feet!!!)
(qui gons spirit appears and doesn't stop laughing)
SpiritQuiGon: HAHAHAH!!!!! (he disappears)
(suddenly the captain and the real padme check the bodies)
Dorme: I've always.. loved you...
Padme: No no..!!....huh?! Wait a minute..
Dorme: I've failed you!!!
Padme: Well you did your job.. so technically you didn't fail.
Dorme: Shut up Mrs Obvious.
Padme: JAR JAR!!!!
Dorme: JEDI ROCKS!!!
Padme: Return of the MUPPETS!!!
Dorme: Why did you fail me Padme?!
Padme: Wait a minute..I didn't fail you!!
Dorme: Supristee!!!!
(dorme dies)
Padme: ......wha?
Captain: Look, she did what she was supposed to do. Thats her job.. Now come on!! we had better go!! (grabs padme and drags her away)
(r2d2 follows them)
R2D2: (bleeps) man.. here we go again..
(qui gon appears and kicks r2d2 down)
SpiritQuiGon: HAHAHH!!!
.....
.....

 

Padme: PIIIIIEEEEEE!!
Qui-Gons spirit: WHERE!?

All you need is love!

 

Palpatine: I will not let this republic, that has stood for a thousand years be split in two! My negotiations will not fail!
Mace: But if they do, you'll let the evil jedi start a mass campaign of death against the seperatists, right?
Palpatine: Oh, yes, you know I like that, Mauly...er I mean. Yes, Mace, whatever.
Yoda: Sense a dark lord of the sith in this room, I do!
Palpatine: Just shut up, you, you little green muppet!... I mean, really master Yoda? I thought the Sith were extinct or something...NOT RIGHT NOW DARTH MAUL!!!! er.. umm...
[Padme bursts in with the rest of the group]
Padme: PIE FIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Qui Gon's Spirit: Where's the coffee! AGGGHHH!!! Die Jedi Fools! erp oops...

 

Palpatine: HAHAH!! Oh dear!! I wonder who did the attack!! maybe it was me!! oh yea!! (raises the roof) Do you know Master Yoda?
Yoda: Hmm.. Difficult to see the future is.
Palpatine: HA!! I'm a sith you daft fool!!!
Mace: You?! A sith?! Yea right.. yoo be trippin yo.
Yoda: He is jokin with us. Palpatines too much a wimpy old man. hehrheher
Palpatine: Rrright you are Master Yoda!!
Mace: Well.. even if there is a war.. we are keepers of the coffee not soldiers.
Palpatine: (coughs) Bulls***!!
Yoda: Mace! Filthy mouth you have!! (force smacks mace)
Mace: But I didn't swear..
Palpatine: HAHAH!!! (grabs his mochachino and splashes it in yodas face)
(but yoda doesn't react)
Yoda: Still.. we must search the darkside even further..
Palpatine: (sings) SOON!!... You will all be DEAD!! (does ballarina dances all over the room)
Mace: Yes.. We must ponder it further..
Palpatine: (sings) Its me you morons!! HAHA! You'll never know!! HAHA!! (flicks them off)
Yoda: Palpatine your singing of Waiting for Tonight has comforted us all.
Mace: yes good singing as usual.
Palpatine: **** you!!!
Yoda: Such nice manners you have palpatine.
Palpatine: Why thank ya ole fart. (smiles and laughs, grabs out a chainsaw and cuts his desk in half)

 

Palpatine: Now, as for you, senator Amidala, i suggest you be placed under protection of bodyguards...perhaps an old friend, Master Kenobi? He and Anakin will be returning from a border dispute on Ansion shortly...
Mace: Yes, that's possible, he and Anakin will be returning from a border dis??wait...how the hell do you know that?
Palpatine: I'm a sith, you foo! My Dark Jedi powers far surpass yours!
Yoda: Hahahaha bglahnr ghar regha hpmmph gach er sorry, got something in my throat, I do!
Padme: ANI will be with Obi-Wan? Oh, he is ssooooo hot! Er, I mean, thank you for your wisdom, chancellor.
"Coffee, anyone?"

 

Palpatine: So, where is this coffee my old friend Qui-Gon fought hard for?
Yoda: Know the location of the coffee, you will never.
Palpatine: Anyway, we have called some guards for the senator to protect her. Some she might be familar with. Ki-Adi-Mundi.
Yoda: Good choice.

(Out in the city, KiAdiMundi is walking down the street when he is ambushed by Anakin.)

Anakin: you let me protect Padme and I let you live.
KiAdiMundi: Deal!
(They shake on it.)
Anakin: Now it's official.

(Spirit Qui-Gon appears in the middle of the crowded Coruscant flyway. He waves his hands and all of the cars near him fall down and explode.)
SpiritQuiGon: I'm such a willy old coot.

 

Yoda: Glad that Qui Gon died. Insane bastard he was.
Mace: Yea.. what a fool. Remember that time when they killed the whole senate???
(everyone laughs.. then there is silence)
(cuts to Obiwan and Anakin making their big entrance!!!.... on a stupid elevator...)
Obiwan: Anakin how many times have I told you? This elevator isn't a bathroom?!
Anakin: Yea yea.. sorry master.. its just that I'm..
Obiwan: Nervous?! hehe Ease up...
Anakin: Its just that I haven't seen her in 10 years Master.
Obiwan: Yea I'm sure shes as hot as ever. but honestly I haven't seen you this nervous since... when we fell into that Nest of Gundarks.
Anakin: Hey I saved you from that nightmare!!
Obiwan: Oh yes.. (giggles) Hey Look! theres Qui gon! hes destroying some more ships! (waves to qui gon; smiling)

 

Riding up the elevator to Padme's apartment-

Anakin: I haven't seen her in ten years.
OB1: You idiot! It's not like she's going to actually care about a pathetic idiot like you! Do you actually think she thought about you at all?
Anakin: You're right master. I hate her. DIE!!!!
Elevator arrives
Anakin: Die, Padme!
Padme, not listening, runs over to Anakin and kisses him; they drop to the floor, OB1 and rest look disgusted.
Anakin: You do love me! I alm-
OB1: A-hem. m'lady, I think we should discuss your security.
Anakin and Padme pass love notes to each other and giggle, OB1 doesn't notice and continues talking...
OB1: I was thinking, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah...bla blah.
Padme: Thank you. Now I shall retire. With Anakin! ::Giggles::
OB1: But-
Padme: As senator, my word is law.
OB1: yes, m'lady.

 

Jango: What went wrong?
Zam: They used a decoy, I was on my way to kill her myself but some old man caused my car to crash.
Jango: Use these, one sting, and she'll be spittin' gum outta her forhead.
Zam: and what of the jedi:
Jango: Oh, the jedi. Shoot them, it is common knowledge that their weakness is blasters. Also, get my rubberducky!
Zam: Aye, sir. Sir, do you have that feeling we're being watched?
Jango: No.
Zam: Okay, think nothing of it. Do svidonia Rodina.
Jango: What?
Zam: I said "Farewell our motherland".
Jango: Carry on. (throws bomb into crowded street, kills 30 people.)

 

*assassin droid drops a monkey in the room*
Monkey: Hello miss, would you like some pie?
Padme: PIIIEEEE!!!

Anakin: *turns head* huh?
Obi-wan: I feel it too...
Anakin: The urge to pee?
Obi-wan: No you ditz! Padme is being attacked by a monkey! Lets go!

*Anakin Obi-wan burst in*
Monkey: Save me! Save me!
Padme: PIIEEEE! PIE! PIE!
Anakin: Padme, down! *boinks padme on nose*
Obi-wan: look a strange object! *bursts out window*
*droid moves*
Obi-wan: AHHHHHHHHH!!!

All you need is love!

 

Anakin: Stay here Padme, you'll be safe. I think.
Padme: Oh, just one more kiss????
Anakin: Ok.
They kiss for hours
Anakin: Oh crap, I forgot about Obi-Wan!
Padme: Don't forget your robes ::giggle::
[Anakin gets the speeder and catches Obi-Wan in the air]
Obi-Wan: Where in the Ducky were you?
Anakin: Oh you know master, I uh, had the urge...to pee. Then I had to go get coffee from Qui-Gon. And stop him from massacreing the entire population. And then I
Obi-Wan: whatever. Well, while you were away, I caught the vilian in a strip bar.
Anakin: A strip bar! Where was I?...er oh, hehe....
Obi-Wan; This dude in blue& silver armor shot her before she talked though.
Anakin: So we should go see the Council, right?
Obi-Wan: Right..
Qui-Gon's Spirit: NOOOOO Don't go talk to the stupid council! They don't know what's good for you! Obi-Wan, go search that dude. Anakin, escort the senator to Naboo where she'll be safe...in your loving arms...I know what You did last night....heheh ....er anyways. Anyone have coffee?
Obi& Ani: Sorry Master.
QG's Spirit: AGHGHA FGADHGKJHG AEHBPOEGVUPUO FOolS! I'll crush you like we did the senate! 'member Obi-Wan, when we killed 'em all?
Obi-Wan; Hee heehaehehehehe
QG's Spirit: Why are you standing around! Go! Unless you have coffee.... Now where did Mauly go? I think he's cheating on me with Palpatine, or is it the other way around?

 

Anakin: Wait!!! Lets go to the Corusant Night Club!!!
Obiwan: OH!! This is why I hate flying!!!
(steers the speeder down towards the nightclub and crashes it)
Obiwan: Good one my absentminded apprentice!!
(they get into the bar)

 

Inside Zam Weesel is rocking in a big chair facing away from Obi-Wan.

Zam: I've been expecting you Mr. Kenobi.
ObiWan: How did you know my name?
Zam: I see all.
Kenobi: See this! (drops hot coffee on weesel.
Zam: You'll pay! Guards! (one battle droid walks out. ObiWan kills it.)
Kenobi: Now, who is trying to kill the queen?
Zam: It was ----
SpiritQuiGon: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
Kenobi: Qui-Gon!!!!! Oh well it was pretty funny.HHAHAHAHAHAHA
Anakin: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

 

Zam: BOO!
*qui-gon backhands Zam*
Obi-wan: HAHAHAHA!!!
Qui-gon: HAHAHAHA!!!
Anakin: HAHAHAHA!!!
Padme: PIIIIIEEEEE!!!
*DarthAttorney walks up to Anakin*
DA: Hey baby, how you been doin'?
Anakin: Umm... hehe... about that...
DA: Did ya get my calls?
Anakin: umm, yes, i did, all thirty of them. but there is somthin' I've been meaning to tell you...
Obi-wan: Qui, you KNEW about this?
Qui-gon: *clears throat* possibly.
Anakin: I've found someone else.
DA: You mean that lil' tramp over there? She's flatter than a board!

All you need is love!

 

(A dart kills Zam and she slumps to the ground)

ANAKIN: "Quick, throw one in her before she gets cold!"

OB1: "You sick bast*rd! I'm goin' to Yoda."

ANAKIN: "Dude, p*ss on Yoda! I have a better idea. Why don't we play truth or dare with this prostitute and see if she'll..."

OB1: "Yeah! I love that game! I go first...Hey, Anna Nicole, how much food do you eat when you visit Jabba's palace?"...

 

Yoda: What help to you, can I be, Master Kenobi?
Obi-Wan: You can tell me what this is...
Yoda: Oh, my, Obi-Wan, I never knew you felt that way!
Yoda and Kenobi go offscreen
Younglings: He's got a HUGE talent! (line from Moulin Rouge)
Scene with Padme packing...
Padme: ...to not be here when its fate is decided!
Anakin: Sometimes we must do what is requested of us.
Padme: Anakin, you've grown up!
Anakin: I know! I'm even old enough to date, and I shave, and I can dress myself now!
Padme: Don't grow up too fast!
Anakin: That's ok, 'cuz I still sleep with my stuffed shaak friend!
Padme: Oh, well ummm...
Padme: Please don't look at me like that!
Anakin: Why not?
Padme: Because it makes me what to **** with you!
Anakin: Ok, let's go!
Anakin and Padme drop off screen
Yoda: Sense your padawan is up to similar activites, I do, Obi-Wan!
Obi-Wan: C'mere you horny little muppet!

 

*An hour later, on the bus thing going to the freighter*
Allsinging, in beautiful 2-part harmony)The wheels on the bus go round and round! Round and round! Round and round!
*The driver cuts them off*
Driver: Hate to break it to you, folks, but this bus thing ain't got no wheels.
Anakin: So?
Driver: Sing something that makes sense. You're throwing my concentration out.
Anakin: Well SOR-RY!
Obi-Wan: Anakin, you're such a little punk. Why do you have to be so disrespectful? This guy's just trying to do his job.
Anakin: He's holding me back! One day, I will be the most powerful jedi ever!
Obi-Wan: (Under breath) Sheesh, will you stop saying that for gods sake.
*Anakin, obvlivious, leans back and starts whistling.*
*Meanwhile, the bus thing has landed and Dorme is getting all weepy. Typho rolls his eyes and pushes her out of frame.*
Typho: Well, see ya, mi-lady.
*Padme high-fives Typho*
Padme: Catch ya, my man.
Obi-Wan: I'm worried about Anakin.
*He looks over. Anakin is still whistling, now performing a soft-shoe shuffle as well*
Typho: I'm more worried about her.
*Padme is carrying 20 bags full of clothes. She trips on the steps of the bus and falls out, scattering the landing pad with gaudy outfits. Anakin skids over to pick her up. They fall down and roll over and over across the tarmac.*
Obi-Wan: good thing they've got R2...

 

Padme: "Ani, be a bitch and carry my luggage for me."

Anakin: "Anything, milady."

Padme: "Good, and when we get there, I'm going to need you to sniff my behind. I've had nasty problems back there lately and I need to know that I'm fresh and not stinky."

Anakin: "As you wish, milady."

Padme: "Now remember, Ani. You may have been freed from Watto, but you're really MY slave now. See, this is why." (Lifts her skirt)
"If you don't do what I tell you, you'll never see that again."

Passerby: "Yo, man. why you put up with that ****?"

Anakin: "You don't know the POWAAA of the pu**y. I MUST obey the hot chick."

Padme: "That's right, now come along, Ani. 'fore I get MAD."

Anakin: "As you wish."

Passerby: "Yo, that dude gonna wind up freakin' out, she keep that **** up."

 

*They walk on board the freighter, which looks oddly like the Good Year Blimp. It takes off, bumping into a few other ships as it does, as though the pilot is drunk. He is, in fact, drunk. Really drunk.*

 

DarthSapient: Allrigght guyth. we are headin for tha' nabooo plaet place...
DarthAttorney: Hey big boy, i was just dumped for some flat chick.
DarthSapient: whath that you thay?
DarthAttorney: I've been dying a little bit each day, ever since you came back into my life.
DarthSapient: Whaa?
DarthAttorney: I...I love you.
DarthSapient: I wuv you too...
*they fall off screen*
Padme: *whisper* wow, i have to remember that little speech for later...
Anakin: What?
Padme: I SAID CLEAN MY SHOE PEASANT!

All you need is love!

 

Padme: I said hey!!!!
Anakin: HEY!!
Padme: I said hey..
Anakin: Nonny Nonny Nonny Nonny Ho ho..
(everyone on the blimp thingy claps)
Padme: Ok next song Zie!!
Zie: KOO NEE TAY!!!!!
(Suddenly Jedi Rocks bursts out on the stereos)
Everyone: AHHH!!!! Our ears our bleeding!!!!
(everyone on the ship screams in horror)
Padme: Oops.. that blew our cover.
(everyone boos Padme and Anakin off stage)
(suddenly two people get on the stage)
(shows Jango fett and Boba Fett)
Fett: Hello everyone.. you may know me as Jango Fett the worlds most deadliest bounty hunter.. and my son.. Boba Fett Esquire!!!
(shows Boba playing a guitar)
Jango: Yea i just got from Coruscant and boy are my weapons tired!!
(crowd laughs)
Anakin: Hmm.. something is familiar about that guy.
Padme: Yea.. he MUST be a Wookie! I 've heard so much about them!!
Anakin: No way!! A wookie?!!
(after the song is over Padme and Anakin walk over to Jango and Boba fett dressed as wookies)

 

DarthSapient: Hey ith four wookieth!
DarthAttorney: mmm, wookies are sexy! *slaps butt* Lets get the fur flyin!

*Anakin, Padme, Jango, Boba and the two mods fall off screen*

 

Freighter crashes on Naboo causing a huge crater. Only Anakin and Padme survive.

Anakin: Thanks, QuiGon.
QuiGon: Making ships crash is the least of my power.

You'll have to excuse my lack of posts here as I do not know the story to this one as well as the others as I have only seen it twice.

 

*cuts back to Obiwan entering Dexters restruant*
Obiwan: *hums* I'm huntin down the Wizard.. the mysterious wizard of... *stops* umm hey Dex! can you tell me where this dart came from?
Dex: Hmm.. from those Cloners on Kamino.. damn good ones too.
Obiwan: Clones.. what are those?
Dex: ...umm well i thought you were supposed to know.
Obiwan: Damn your looking ugly.
Dex: Your not looking too good either. *laughs and smacks Obiwans face*
Obiwan: Hehe..Yea its because I've been smoking and drinking too much.
Dex: Well here.. eat some Ewok burgers. *brings the plate in front of Obiwan* They make your bones strong!!
Obiwan: *about to puke* Umm no thanks.
Dex: Fine your the one whose going to have to live with it...
Obiwan: Ok thats it....I'm tired of this sh**! (starts to wrestle with Dex, but it proves impossible as Dex flings him out a window)

 

*DarthAttorney starts showing his affection on Obi-wans leg*

All you need is love!