Arena [Game] The First College Football Draft

Ball So Hard U

QB1: RGIII (a.k.a. Robert Griffin III) (Baylor, 2011), QB2: Joe Hamilton (Georgia Tech, 1999), QB3: Colt Brennan (Hawaii, 2006)
RB1: Ricky Williams (Texas, 1998), RB2: Jacquizz Rodgers (Oregon State, 2009), RB3: Ken Simonton (Oregon State, 2000), RB4: Toby Gerhart (Stanford, 2009)
WR1: Braylon Edwards (Michigan, 2004), WR2: Golden Tate (Notre Dame, 2009), WR3: Tavon Austin (West Virginia, 2012), WR4: Jordan Shipley (Texas, 2009)
TE1: Coby Fleener (Stanford, 2011), TE2: Gavin Escobar (San Diego State, 2011), TE3: James Casey (Rice, 2008)
K: Cairo Santos (Tulane, 2012) P: Ryan Allen (Louisiana Tech, 2012) ST: Miami, 2004 DEF: Ohio State University 2002
Playbook: Favor Run

 

Same line-up, balanced attack.

 

Sent in my lineup.

 

A thousand apologies on the delay, folks. I haven't had the stretch of time needed. I'll get this round done this weekend. If I fail, heels can change my name to HailToTheVictors.

Okay, not that far. But some kind of punishment

 

A Michigan jersey that says "GO BLUE!! OSU SUCKS"

That is a fitting punishment

 

Welcome back to Fake College Gameday!



We're coming to you live, from South Bend, Indiana!

(Camera pans to crowd. Washington State Flag shown. "GET OFF THE SEXY TITANIC" sign shown. Student dressed as a leprechaun shown. "HAIL MARY LIVES HERE" sign shown. "Touchdown Jesus is a statue of Michael Crabtree" sign shown. "Eric Taylor order the McGangBang" sign shown."

Today, we're going to save you some DVR space from the things that you just fast forward through anyways. If you want to laugh at Mark Mary, Lou Holtz, or Desmond Howard, there are tons of memes available to you online.

We're going to skip right to the picks.

And today, we have a Fake College Gameday first - our celebrity guest picker comes with his own motorcade!

Welcome - President Josiah "Jed" Bartlet



We start our picks in Columbus Ohio, where what looks like a juggernaut - the Scarlet and Grey Sloopies - take on what looks like a behemoth - FFFU.

Lee: I told you, I'm not picking against Cardale Jones until someone shows me he can actually lose a college football game. I like the Sloopies to win, but the scoreboard operator to lose!
Bartlet: Lee, I always knew you were smart, and that with your age you'd acquired wisdom. Now, when I think about these Sloopies, and their fan base. You know what I think of? There’s a Korean word, Han. I looked it up. There is no literal English translation. It’s a state of mind. Of soul, really. A sadness. A sadness so deep no tears will come. And yet, still, there’s hope That's why I'm picking the Sloopies.
Kirk: I don't see it. At some point in time, the inexperience they have, and their lack of fundamental leadership will catch up with them. That day, I think, is today. Make mine FFFU.
Lee: I don't have words for you right now, Kirk.

From there we head to the plains of Texas, where Legends of Tomorrow welcome The Awful Velocipedestriennes

Bartlet: Here's something I just don't get. A week ago, everyone is extremely high on Legends of Tomorrow. They have a bad game. Suddenly, everything they've done is invalidated. One bad game means they were never good to begin with. Post hoc, ergo propter hoc, if you will. I don't buy it. I'll take the Legends
Lee: Not so fast, Mr. President. ergo hoc, this - Legends of Tomorrow had some serious flaws exposed last week. These Velocipestriennes will take advantage of those and win this game.
Kirk: I agree with coach. The Velocipedestriennes do the fundamentals better than anyone else, and that gets them another win today.

Florida is our next stop, as OBC's MVPs welcome in Ball So Hard U.

Kirk: OBC's offense is probably the single best unit in football this year. When they are clicking, no one can stop them. They're going to click today and roll to a pretty big win.
Lee; Good pick. I like that pick. OBC will win this one, and it'll be over at halftime.
Bartlet: Ball So Hard U is about to be the Charlie Brown of Pass Defense. OBC is Lucy.

Princes of the Universe will welcome in Rubber Duck Quackers, in what looks like a battle of two teams that are still trying to get some respect on the national stage.

Bartlet: I tell you, this one is almost impossible to call. There are some picks in life that are easy, and there are some days in life that are clear. Every once in a while, there's a day with an absolute right and an absolute wrong, but those days almost always include body counts. No body counts here, and this pick isn't easy, but my gut says It'd be a lot easier if either team had an Irish or two on it. I'll say Rubber Duck Quackers, just because their name is little less presumptuous
Kirk: That's an interesting way to choose a winner. I can't argue with it. The logic or the result. I like the Quakers, because I trust their run game to be a bit more consistent.
Lee: I don't know anything that the President just said. But, I once voted Republican, so just to be a contrary, I'm taking the Princes.
Bartlet: Lee, I could have you deported, you know. I still have friends in high places.

The Coruscant Vaders will open up Death Valley and welcome in Tebow's Holy Rollers. Thoughts?

Lee: On paper, these Holy Rollers look good, don't they? On the field, not so much. something missing, and I don't know if they'll find it today in a tough place to play. Give me the Vaders.
Bartlet: I am the Lord your God, thou shalt worship no other god before me. Boy, those were the days, huh? I'm gonna borrow your phrase, coach, and tell Tebow one thing: not so fast, my friend. Vaders win this one.
Kirk: This one's a clean sweep. The Holy Rollers need to do something to get on track, but i'm not sure what it is. I'm also not sure they can find it.

And, the one these fans (cheers) have been waiting for. The Sexy Boat pulls into pier and tries to force the team in South Bend to take some responsibility. Kirk, you're calling the game, so no pick. But, give us a key for each team.

Kirk: For Sexy Boat, it comes down to this. Jameis Winston has to be smart with the football. If he can make smart decisions, and not just look for big plays, then Sexy Boat will have a great chance to win the game.


On the other side of the field, it's all about rhythm. If IHNRHW can get into an offensive rhythm early and control the tempo of the game, they'll be able to get a win and make these fans very happy.


Bartlet: You know. I was very disappointed in this team last week (crowd boos). I thought they'd do better. But, I guess, at the end of the day, we weren't prepared for someone to try and outfox us with a stratagem so sophisticated, it's an entire generation beyond "Hey, look! Your shoelaces are untied!"? So, this team really needed to find some motivation this week. And, I think they found it just in time. I was listening to the radio yesterday, and they had the AD for Sexy Boat - which, by the way is a stupid name for a college, for a football team, for a dog, for a pony, and for an imaginary friend - on the show. He was asked about the less than stellar track record of some of the IHNRHW players. Well, let me tell you this. "Crime. Boy. I don't know" is exactly when we decided we were gonna kick your ass! IHNRHW wins this one, and they win it easily!

Lee: Ha! That's a good pick, Mr. President. I like it a lot. Give me that box!

(Corso pulls a large trunk up and pulls an entire outfit out)

I'm picking IHNRHW!

 

Week 6 - Thursday, October 15th

Tebow's Holy Rollers at Coruscant Vaders
At Kick: 75 Degrees, Light Wind, No Rain

Mark Ingram and Cedric Benson ran wild all day long.

Tebow's Holy Rollers just went running for safety.

Ingram carried the ball 18 times for 232 yards and 3 touchdowns - those three coming on Coruscant Vaders' first three possessions of the game, including a sizzling 64-yard run on his first touch of the game. Benson added 129 yards on 15 carries, as the Vaders rushed for 407 yards on a mind-boggling 7.4 yards per carry.

All of that rush power meant that Cam Newton needed to only attempt nine passes. Of course, he completed all 9 of them, and tossed two touchdowns in the process.

For Tebow's Holy Rollers, it wasn't so much that they did things wrong - they didn't turn it over, they didn't make a lot of mental mistakes. They just didn't do enough right. They were behind 21-0 a quarter in, and finally scored but only after halftime and after falling behind by 35. Tim Tebow completed 14 of 18 passes, but for only 133 yards, Reggie Bush got 116 yards on the ground, but a bunch of those (55) came on a late touchdown run after the game was out of reach.

Final Score: Coruscant Vaders 45, Tebow's Holy Rollers 12
Play-by-Play
Box Score

 

Week 6 - Saturday, October 17th

Rubber Duck Quackers at Princes of the Universe
At Kickoff: 70 Degrees, Light Wind, No Rain

Princes of the Universe used a dominant third quarter to pull away from the Rubber Duck Quackers and cruise to a win at home.

Trailing 13-10 at the half, the Princes took the opening drive of the third quarter 57 yards to get a field goal and tie the game. After forcing a quick three-and-out, the Princes of the Universe took their next possession all the way to the house for a touchdown to put them back on top. JT Thatcher then picked off a pass on third and long on the next drive for the Quackers and took it to the house to extend the lead to 14, and start to pull away.

Rubber Duck Quackers would pull back to within 7 with an early score in the 4th, but the Princes would not allow them to score again, and would tack on another touchdown and field goal themselves.

Darren McFadden was the star of the game, carrying 21 times for 140 yards and 2 touchdowns. That helped to covercome the 14-for-21 night and two interceptions from Vince Young.

Melvin Gordon rushed for 115 yards on 23 carries and a touchdown, while Marcus Mariota completed 19 of 29 attempts for 272 yards.

Final Score: Princes of the Universe 37, Rubber Duck Quackers 20
Play-by-Play
Box Score

 

Week 6 - Saturday, October 17th

The Awful Velocipedestriennes at Legends of Tomorrow
At Kick: 70 degrees, Light Wind, No Rain

Peyton Manning did not have a bounce back game.

In a game dominated by defense, the difference came down to one simple fact: the Velocipesestriennes found the endzone (twice), the Legends of Tomorrow did not.

Manning completed just 25 of 45 attempts, and was picked off once, while amassing 285 yards through the air. he didn't much help on the ground, with Ron Dayne fighting for every single one of the 53 yards he gained on 24 carries, as Legends of Tomorrow got just 2.5 yards per carry.

That 2.5 clip was still better than the 2.1 that the Velocipedestriennes got, but Connor Halliday connected on two touchdown passes - one in the first quarter to Percy Harvin, and one in the fourth to Ashley Lelie. Those two scores helped to offset his 16-for-27 night.

The teams combined for 18 punts, and only 9 third-down conversions. Neither team was able to get to 100 yards rushing, and they combined for give up 87 yards in penalties.

Final Score: The Awful Velocipedestriennes 20, Legends of Tomorrow 9
Play-by-Play
Box Score

 

Week 6 - Saturday, October 17th

FFFU at Scarlet and Grey Sloopies
At Kickoff: 55 Degrees, Mild Wind, Light Rain

Cardale Jones and LaDanian Tomlinson were the 1-2 combination, and they combined to deliver a knockout punch to FFFU.

Jones completed 23 of 35 passes for 373 yards and 3 touchdowns, including a pair in the second quarter that helped the Sloopies pull away from FFFU. Tomlinson carried the ball 18 times for 125 yards and two touchdowns, including a 46 yard touchdown scramble on the second play from scrimmage.

Terrance Williams was Jones' favorite target, hauling in 8 catches for 98 yards and one touchdown.

All told, the Sloopies offense racked up 573 yards, got 4.7 yards per carry, saw their defense limit FFFU to just 45 yards rushing and only 2.6 yards per carry.

FFFU used two quarterbacks, but neither of them could do much. Ken Dorsey completed 23 of 45 passes for 197 yards, one interception and no touchdowns, while Matt Leinart completed 14 for 21 for 107 yards.

Final Score: Scarlet and Grey Sloopies 48, FFFU 10
Play-by-Play
Box Score

 

Week 6 - Saturday, October 17th

Ball So Hard U at OBC's MVPs
At Kickoff: 80 Degrees, No Wind, No Rain

Twice, Blair Walsh connected on a field goal as time expired.

His team, it turns out, needed every single one of those points. And, each of them proved to be vital for momentum.

With OBC trailing 24-14 after Ball So Hard U ran off 17 points in the middle of the second quarter, OBC connected on just one pass on their final drive of the half - but it was a big connection, going for 45 yards on third and ten. That got OBC just into range for a long kick, which Walsh converted from 47 yards.

The teams would continue to trade punches in the second half, with OBC taking the lead with 10 minutes to play on an electrifying 69 yard run by LaMichael James. Ball So Hard would tie it up on a field goal with 3:33 to play. This time, the OBC offense got Walsh a little closer, and his 19-yard chip shot as time expired proved to be the winning margin.

James was the big star, gaining 158 yards on 19 carries and the big fourth quarter touchdown. Graham Harrell completed 19 of 29 yards for 314 yards. His two touchdowns - both to Justin Blackmon - were countered by a single interception. Randy Moss hauled in 6 balls for 80 yards.

On the other side, Robert Griffin would have liked to see the game have a few more minutes, to see if he could muster some more magic. He ended the game with 14 completions on 16 attempts for 218 yards and 3 touchdowns in the losing effort. Rick Williams added 157 yards on the ground, as both teams had big nights on the ground. Ball So Hard got 4.8 yards per carry, and OBC got 4.9.

Final Score: OBC's MVPs 40, Ball So Hard U 37
Play-by-Play
Box Score

 

Week 6 - Saturday, October 17th

Get On Board the Sexy Boat at IHNRHW
Forecast: 50 Degrees, Light Wind, No Rain

IHNRHW bounced back in a big way, scoring early, scoring often, and controlling the game from start to finish.

IHNRHW needed just nine plays to score a touchdown on their opening drive, with Kapri Bibbs capping the drive with a six-yard touchdown. Jameis Winston was picked off by Eric Reid three plays later, Just three plays after that and Amari Cooper sped down the sidelines for an 82-yard touchdown pass, taking a quick slant and never looking back as he raced past defenders.

IHNRHW never looked back, either. They pushed their lead to 22 early in the second quarter, and put it on cruise control in the second half.

Mike Vick ran a great offense. He completed 17 of his 21 passes for 392 yards and four touchdowns. Cooper was the big target, hauling in 6 catches for 158 yards and three touchdowns. Ray Rice (70 yards) and Kapri Bibbs (66) split the running duties. Overall, the offense rolled for over 550 yards.

Defensively, IHNRHW was able to frustrate Sexy Boat all day. Sexy Boat were held to an aenemic 0.9 yards per carry. Jameis Winston passed for 329 yards on 27 of 40, but his two touchdowns were offset by two interceptions.

Final Score: IHNRHW 49, Get On Board the Sexy Boat 23
Full Play-by-Play
Box Score

 

Week 6 Recap

Coruscant Vaders 45, Tebow's Holy Rollers 12
Princes of the Universe 37, Rubber Duck Quackers 20
The Awful Velocipedestriennes 20, Legends of Tomorrow 9
Scarlet and Grey Sloopies 48, FFFU 10
OBC's MVPs 40, Ball So Hard U 37
IHNRHW 49, Get On Board the Sexy Boat 23


Standings

SEC Speed Division

OBC's MVPs 6-0 (2-0)
The Awful Velocipedestriennes 5-1 (2-0)
FFFU 5-1 (1-1)
Coruscant Vaders 5-1 (1-1)
IHNRHW 5-1 (1-1)
Rubber Duck Quackers 4-2 (0-2)

Big Ten or Eight or XII Division

Princes of the Universe 4-2 (2-0)
Scarlet and Grey Sloopies 6-0 (2-0)
Get On Board the Sexy Boat 4-2 (1-1)
Ball So Hard U 4-2 (0-2)
Legends of Tomorrow 4-2 (0-2)
Tebow's Holy Rollers 3-3 (0-2)

Week Seven

IHNRHW at The Awful Velocipedestriennes
Forecast: 30 Degrees, Light Wind, 50% chance of snow
(FAKE COLLEGE GAMEDAY WILL BE IN ST. JOHN FOR THE GAME)

Legends of Tomorrow at Tebow's Holy Rollers
Forecast: 40 degrees, Light Wind, 25% chance of rain

Scarlet and Grey Sloopies at Ball So Hard U Ballers
Forecast: 75 Degrees, No Wind, 5% Chance of Rain

Get On Board the Sexy Boat at Princes of the Universe
Forecast: 75 Degrees, No Wind, 5% Chance of Rain

OBC's MVPs at Coruscant Vaders
Forecast: 65 Degrees, Light Wind, 10% Chance of Rain

FFFU at Rubber Duck Quackers
Forecast: 60 Degrees, Moderate Wind, 20% chance of rain

 

Light Wind? I didn't put the school in Newfoundland for no light wind.

 

50% chance of snow though!

Also... WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

 

i honestly think tebow is broken in this sim. disappointing.

 

idk these teams are stacked with NFL talent and we've seen how good he is against that

ALSO HE DOESN'T HAVE URBAN BWAHAHA why am i laughing my team is based in ohio tom i'm sorry i apologize

 

I'd like to point out that, really, DarthIntegral basically had the most commendable set of Jed Bartlett quotes outside of me and heels talking to one another. That was excellent.

 

IHNRHW @ TAV

QB:

1. Johnny Manziel
2. Connor Halliday
3. Lynch

RB:

1. Hanspard
2. Arrington
3. Coleman
4. Harrison

WR:

1. Harvin
2. Hall
3. Cooks
4. Lelie

TE:

1. Johnson
2. Amaro
3. Whalen

Playbook: Favor Pass

 

qb: leaf, kaepernick, none
rb: bush, johnson, forte, none
wr: jackson, edwards, bailey, alexander
te: davis, keller, none

playbook: favor pass

 

May the best school repped by a fictional president win, EF!

 

RNGesus favor you, dp.