Amph God is *Not* Dead 2: Electric Godaloo

I feel like this would have been a better movie if, considering the first one had Kevin Sorbo, the second one used Xena: Warrior Princess.

 

Mike ****ing huckbee. Aka Ghost favorite candidate in 2008

 

OH ****. LUCKILY A BUNCH OF MODESTLY AND SENSIBLY DRESSED CHRISTIAN TEENS JUST SHOWED UP TO POLITELY PROTEST ON THE COURTHOUSE STEPS REST ASSURED GUYS

 

AND HOT HIPSTER LAWYER SHAVED HIS STUBBLE AND HIS MAN BUN ACTUALLY PUT ON A SUIT THIS TIME **** IS GETTING REAL

 

He's so ****ing hot in lawyer beast mode

 

It's really a shame he's destroyed his acting career by being in this circle jerk. the world needs more Jesse metcalfe

 

Guys, can I ask a question please?

 

ENDER SHOOT

 

So, you know through subtle (or in the case of Hans BOWWWWWWWWWWW Zimmer, unsubtle) pavlovian conditioning music can tell us how to feel in films? For example, Rey's Theme from Force Awakens is flightly and light and optimistic? And the Imperial March is ominous and incites a feeling of dread?

Can you describe how the film's soundtrack is able to use music to trigger feelings of devotion to JAYZUS?

 

The only music we paid any attention to was the Batman music in the court scenes.

 

Well.

How am I meant to feel closer to Jesus?

 

Also we got really excited for the Newsboys. By the way it's over and we are still alive.


Also we may or may not have driven the only other people in theatre out of it. They left with about 10 minutes left in the movie and we're not sure if it was because we were swearing at how bad the movie was and giggling loudly or if it was because they finally realize how terrible the movie was and how obvious the ending was going to be and they decided "screw it we're going to go have sex"

This is the happy ending I have written for them on my own mind

 

Austin kept getting mad at me for being extra loud once they left and I'm like dude... there no one here...

Btw there was a stinger trailer where horse-faced pastor guy from the first movie gets arrested for not handing over sermon transcripts (not a thing) while turtle-faced Chinese guy and happy African guy look on gravely. They're Marvel universing this ****

 

What? I used to go on rants on how terrible Huckabee was once he started pulling his upset wins.

 

Oh, yeah, that dude is super hot. He was in Desperate Housewives. Why was he in this movie?!

 

The christian persecution fantasy extended universe genre has a ways to go to really gain a foothold in movie theaters.

God's Not Dead 2 had more than double the production budget of the first one.

The first one made something like 30x its production budget. God's Not Dead 2 may make it to 4 x.

I don't know how many more of these kinds of movies are planned or in production or scheduled for release this year, but I doubt many if any of them have more of an impact than God's Not Dead 2.

I know the value of saving souls can't be measured in terms of box office dollars, but these movies will keep trying.

 

i cannot emphasize enough how much this man's handsomeness ameliorated the pain of this movie, particularly in the second half. are his eyes really that blue?! goddamn!

also points for being slightly less hamhanded than predicted because as far as i can recall she never converts him. austin and i called early on that she would, because that's the only way such a handsome, reasonable (in the context of the insane film universe) and likeable "nonbeliever" character would be allowed to exist in such a film. maybe there was some hint of it in the last part of the movie and i was too euphoric over Newsboys to pick up on it, but iirc this was a handsome, "good" character who didnt turn out to even secretly be christian

another thing i think we forgot to mention is im pretty sure they recast a character (redheaded lib lawyer from the first movie) halfway through filming. she looked like a neanderthal woman in early scenes and then she's pretty smoking hot for most if not all of the last 1/3rd of the film. maybe they just got a different makeup artist tho, i dunno. or maybe she's in-universe a shapeshifter (for the Lord) and this will be important in her spinoff film in the GND Universe

EDIT: oh and the principal lady was hot but evil as well but i assume this was just a casting oversight on David AR White's part where he couldnt tell she was hot because she's black

 

Clearly hot lawyer guy is going to prosecute preacher man about his sermon stuff and that's when he'll be converted.

Maybe he'll even be forced to defend him, wouldn't hat be something (that couldn't happen and doesn't make any sense)?

 

So will Sean Astin be in God's Not D3ad because he only does crappy faith based movies these days because he's probably insane in real life like Kevin Sorbo?

 

he's a defense attorney so even the first part couldnt happen and doesnt make any sense but "not making sense and could never happen" doesnt stop this movie from doing all the **** it does. didnt stop the movie from having the guy arrested for refusing to hand over transcripts of his sermons to the government

most of the major subplot characters returned from the last film. the duck dynasty clan even sent one of their children (this time not playing herself, which has some interesting metaphysical implications for the GNDU). the two glaring omissions were the brave kid who stood up to the atheist prof (though he was at least alluded to so we know he's alive and probably just had better things to do with his time than hang around these losers) and the muslim girl, who is never mentioned. out of universe, we can dare hope that they decided her arc in the last film was a bridge too far into the racist caricature realm, and so they cut her character altogether. in universe, we can only assume she was murdered by her insane muslim dad for converting to christianity

 

Oh he's mjh's lawyer? I thought he was the prosecution. My bad.

But then of course he's going to be the defense lawyer for the preacher.

 

I think after seeing War Room IN THEATERS, I need to see these two classics since they're supposed to be "better". War Room was boring except for Douchey Husband's terrifying Vulcan eyebrows and the old lady's terrifying rant at the end for everyone to rise up and take over or something.

 

I think wocky liked war room

 

Do you guys only do these reviews in theaters, or will you watch something at home? If so, I'll "recommend" Last Flight Out, an action adventure movie produced by Billy Graham Ministries.

 

So far we've only gotten together for God's Not Dead movies. I think we'll keep that tradition tightly focused so we don't die