Good clean jokes!

Discussion in 'Abilene, TX' started by Irby_Wan_Kenirby, Feb 5, 2003.

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  1. Irby_Wan_Kenirby Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 11, 2002
    star 1
    Hey guys This is just kinda like the "qoute of the day" I figure if anyone hears a good joke then, if they wish, they can try to make us laugh by telling it to us. Spread the fun I say and please try to keep 'em clean. What I am really interested to see, however, is how long this topic will stay active before a moderator deems one of them offensive and closes it off.
  2. Irby_Wan_Kenirby Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 11, 2002
    star 1
    For instance: Why can't a bicycle stand up by itself? Its TWO tired! OOOooooh man that was a good one I am tearing up right now! Or how 'bout this one. Why DON'T you play hide and seek with mountains? Because they are allways peaking! ...Ok I know those are pretty lame but they don't have to come off of Laffy Taffy wrappers. Just no racist jokes and stuff like that or David will hit you over the head with a tack hammer next time we have a meeting.
  3. BroodMcEto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 14, 2002
    star 4
    A young lady said to her Grandpa, "I noticed that when you sneeze, you put your hand in front of your mouth."

    "Of course," explained Grandpa. "How else can I catch my teeth???"
  4. Irby_Wan_Kenirby Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 11, 2002
    star 1
    I having to clean this one up a little but I can't resist posting it.

    A somber looking man walks into a bar and sits down to have a few to take his mind off of things. The bartender notices that the man still looked troubled even after a few brews. The bartender asked the man was troubling him. The man replied "I am a car salesman and I have hit rock bottom. If I don't sell some more cars I'm am going to lose my friggin' ass!" After he realized that he said it pretty loud, the man looked around and noticed an attractive blonde sitting next to him. The man said "I'm sorry to use such language around you but my problems are getting the best of me." The blonde replied "Thats okay. I have a similar problem. If I don't sell some more ass I am going to lose my friggin' car!"
  5. BroodMcEto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 14, 2002
    star 4
    Good one!

    I remembered one from a while back, fairly clean.

    A guy is sitting at the bar, business-type ya know. He keeps pointing in his palm and then talking to his hand. The bartender is curious and asks him. The guy smiles and says, "I'm on the phone so much, I had one implanted in my hand; that way I'll never be without a phone." The bartender nodded and thought that was a pretty good idea. The guy says he'll be right back and disappears into the bathroom. He's in there for a long time and the bartender is getting a little concerned, since he's been gone a long time. The bartender walks into the bathroom to find the guy with his pants down leaning against the wall with a roll of toilet paper coming out of his butt. "What tha?" The bartender exclaimed. The man replied, "Oh, It's alright. I'm just waiting for a fax"
  6. Irby_Wan_Kenirby Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 11, 2002
    star 1
    This redneck was filling out some government applications and he came across a yes or no question that asked "Is it your prefernce that the government be overthrown be Violence, Subversion, Or any other force?" Puzzled by the question, the man paused and thought about it for a while. Eventually he circled Violence and went on with the application.
  7. Yoda525907 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 13, 2002
    star 1
    Here's a real short one, although it's better when told out loud.

    A termite walks into a bar and ask," Where's the bartender?"

    Think about it.



    Bartender

    Bar tender
  8. Irby_Wan_Kenirby Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 11, 2002
    star 1
  9. BroodMcEto Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 14, 2002
    star 4
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