Macon, GA Grand_Admiral_Jedi's Love Advice Column

Discussion in 'South East Regional Discussion' started by Grand_Admiral_Jedi, Jan 23, 2003.

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  1. Grand_Admiral_Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 1
    Since I am both an Imperial Grand Admiral and a Jedi Knight I have over the years developed a number of counseling skills. For example, I have learned that the best way to keep your male and females from socializing when they should be working is to kill one of them.

    You'll be surprised what a good public execution can do for morale.

    But as a Jedi Knight I know that sometimes we should err on the side of compassion. Afterall, even Obi-Wan was known to give into his emotions and sing in a few underground Coruscant musicals, but we didn't kick him out of the Order for that.

    All this being said, I have decided to start my own forum in which I will do my best to answer your Star Wars love questions.

    First up is a question from a guy in the Southern Wilderness Region

    He says that he has experienced feelings for his sister and he doesn't know what he should do.

    He signed his letter.
    "Forget The Wookee I'd Sooner Kiss My Sister"

    Well Sir being from the Southern Wilderness Region I can understand your feelings. I can't begin to count the times that I got butterflies when I saw my half Chiss sister Neradu. Her blue skin was really something to gander at in the moonlight.

    But in the end, I realized that acting on my feelings would get me executed. The Chiss government doesn't allow that kind of behavior you know.

    So I guess what I'm saying is you better shape up or well you know - be executed. Not much of a choice there you see.
    On the hand, I have heard that people from Tantooine are a little more open to that kind of deviant behavior. I'm not saying you should go there - I'm just saying it's an option.

    Anyway I suppose that's enough of my column for now.

    May The Force Be With You.
    GAJ
  2. whipwarrior Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2002
    star 1
    I have a question. WHERE does one find a single woman who loves Star Wars and Indiana Jones as much as I do? I'm currently single, and my mom is trying to hook me up with a girl who doesn't appear to be much of a movie fan. She's very nice, but not quite the kindred spirit that I have been longing for.

    Help me, Obi Wan Kenobi... you're my only hope.


    -whipwarrior
  3. sabrann Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 23, 2002
    star 1
  4. Grand_Admiral_Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 1
    Dear whipwarrior,

    I understand your plight. It is difficult to be in a relationship with someone who does not share your same passions.

    But you must accept the fact that there are only so many Sabranns, Brightstars, and Sithvixens in this part of the universe.

    Plus, the question is do you really want to be with someone who just wants you for your collection? I've seen this happen and the results are quite distressing.

    There was a Twilek once who sweet talked her way into my life with a Big Headed Han Solo figure but in the end she stinked like the Sarlac Pit after digesting 100 Jawas.

    Trust me, no woman is worth losing your collection over.

    But on the other hand, what if the Force really does intend for you to find that one in a million Star Wars lady who isn't out to take your collection?

    How do you know what you're suppose to do? I guess you just have to search your feelings and be patient. Afterall, Yoda and Obi-Wan didn't rush out and take on the Sith when they were outgunned. They waited till the time was right. Are you ready to date?

    If so, it doesn't hurt to go on one date with this lady your mom has for you. It is not like one date gets you betrothed, and well if it does I know the name of a good Nogri assassin.

    Just don't string the girl along if you know it's not right. Assassinate her quickly. Understand?

    That's all for now.

    GAJ out.
  5. Force_Me Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2002
    Who cares if she likes all the same stuff just find out if she looks good.
  6. sabrann Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 23, 2002
    star 1
    you know, there is something to say for having something in common with girl. at least it will give you a starting point and you....looks ain't everything.
  7. Allie Fox FanForce CR Macon GA US

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 3
    "Looks ain't everything."

    Yes BUT money IS!

    If you were to marry a rich person, the rewards would be. . .

    well, more Star Wars stuff than you could imagine.

    ;)
  8. GeorgeL- Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2003
    Dear Mr/Mrs Grand Admiral Jedi, thank you for taking my letter and I hope you can help me. I am a single loving father of three who is financially secure. I care deeply for my children, though I have recently shown images of one of them hanging outin a seedy bar while under age, to about a billion people, the point is I do care. I have been dating an interesting girl for some time now and I can't decide what direction the relationship should go in. I mean I'm all like "now try this one on" and she's all like "at last we shall reveal ourselves, at last we shall have revenge" and so on, and so on. When I am with her I feel I am on top of the universe, but she always seems elsewhere......elusive. I am stuck between unity or solitude and it now seems that either may be bitter. My next step is crucial. This choice could mean the difference between legacy or lunacy. Help me wise one, how shall I proceed?

    My kindest appreciation
    Geor....uh, I mean Jim L.
  9. whipwarrior Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2002
    star 1
    Thanks for the advice. Actually, I have met her. I visited her at work and we had lunch in the break room, where we chatted for nearly an hour and a half. She's very pretty and nice, and she claims to love going to the movies (like me), but when questioned about Star Wars, she replied with a noncommital "Yeah, I've seen them each once or twice."

    This is kind of a turn-off, but it could also be an opportunity. I theorize that a casual viewer can be turned into a fan if they are subjected to it enough. After all, Star Wars, Indiana Jones, and NewsRadio are all part of the package with me. She gets all or none. Some assembly required. Or, in the words of Jimmy James from NewsRadio:

    BILL: "You had me scared there, for a minute."
    MR. JAMES: "Yeah, well... I just had to play her game until she got interested. I'll bring her over to the Dark Side later."

    But in all seriousness, I've spoken with her on the phone a few times, and we're definitely warming to each-other. (The eerie part is that she sounds exactly like my ex-girlfriend from high school, which by the way, is the last time that I dated.) On the one hand, it's kind of creepy, but on the other, sort of comforting. I feel that I can trust her and tell her anything. On the downside, her birthday is March 1st, making her a Pisces (again, just like my ex). According to the astrology, Capriquarians and Pisces aren't the best match, relationship-wise. To my credit, my previous relationship lasted for nearly two years, and we split amicably.

    Finally, Cyndi is a blonde, and I've never dated a blonde before. I'm actually a redhead fanatic, due to a certain Miss Vicki Lewis of NewsRadio fame. (I mean, I've dreamed of this woman for YEARS). Now in terms of my 'type', all of my previous experience was with that one girl in high school, and so I'm attracted to brainy, bookish girls who wear glasses. My current prospect wears glasses too, but she doesn't seem to fit the preexisting mold. She is just a normal, fun-loving (albeit somewhat shy) girl.

    Regarding your other question, I feel that I am ready to date again (it's been more than five years). I'm nervous and a bit rusty (obviously), but confident in the fact that I'm smarter, better looking, and more charming than I used to be. So I have all those things going for me. What do you suggest, Master Jedi?


    -Dale


    P.S.- Due to the fact that she's not a Star Wars fan, I don't feel the need to worry about her trying to steal my collection.

  10. Grand_Admiral_Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 1
    Dear Mr. George/Jim L.

    Over the course of many years, I have studied various artforms and this practice has taught me one thing - women are not logical. It's a good thing there are only like five women in the entire Star Wars universe or I'd be in trouble.

    That being said, I can't tell you exactly what might be going through this ladies mind. I do know that women fall for men more based upon emotional intuition while men use more logic in determing their relationships. In other words, women act more like a Jedi while men are more Grand Admiralish.

    It could be that on some level, she knows the relationship is not right. On the other hand, you might be over analyizing things. The best thing for you to do is to talk to her.

    All this being said, I'd like to address a more disturbing part of your letter - your desire to dress your women up.

    I can just imagine that you're the kind of guy who likes to put his women in tight fiting black choker garbs. Am I right? Or maybe white outfits that show off a lot more flesh than they should. Why I bet it wouldn't even be past you to dress a woman in a gold bikini.

    You're sick, sir, very sick. Women shouldn't be treated as objects. On the Chiss homeworld we'd know exactly what to do about you.

    Execution.

  11. whipwarrior Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2002
    star 1
  12. Smiling-Otter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 21, 2001
    star 3
    Dear GAJ -

    I'm worried about my brother-in-law. For a while I was worried that he was actually interested in his sister (now my wife.) At least he's better than their father, who I believe tried to kill each of them on more than one occasion. Anyway, at least now he's over her.
    The problem now is this: I think the girl he's hot for now is trying to kill him. She used to work for a competitor of his, and now she's out of work, and blames him for it. He, as usual, is thinking with something other than his brain. I've read through "Men are from Corellia, Women are from Alderaan," but it wasn't much help.
    Any advice you could pass along would be a lot of help.
    Signed,
    "Nerf Herder"
  13. whipwarrior Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 25, 2002
    star 1
    Oh, this just keeps getting better and better...
  14. Grand_Admiral_Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 1
    Dear Nerf Herder,

    It appears your brother-in-law is suffering from what we in the therapy world like to call a "Hero Complex". Am I right or am I right? Does he tend to always talk about being chosen? Does he act like he is the only one in the universe who has the ability to solve certain problems? Does he feel like he always must go off and rescue his friends?

    I think this explains his attraction to this woman who is obviously no good for him. This relationship can only lead to disaster.

    Hmm . . . but I suppose it's not as bad as him loving his sister. So I guess you just have to look at the good in every situation. But if he does choose to get serious with this gal I know the name of a good assassin who can help out the situation if you know what I mean. Wink wink.

    Anyway that's all for now.
    GAJ Out.
  15. Force_Me Jedi Youngling

    Member Since:
    Nov 12, 2002
    " looks don't matter" ???

    Would you marry Jabba if you both liked cheese cake and talking about moon light slithers? ( icky )

    Opposites attract. I've been married 14 years now and have almost nothing in common with my wife. ( probably why we are still together )

    Go for looks first. It would take a very wealthy lady to make me over look ugly.
    ( millions )

    IMHO personality ain't worth waking up to Greedo every morning. ( still icky )

    Personality will change once your married anyway. ( trust me )

    Everyone has two faces and some have more.
    ( read Batman )

  16. GeorgeL- Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jan 27, 2003
    Greetings once again Mr/Mrs Grand Admiral Jedi. I have taken you words to heart and followed your advice. It turns out you are truly the wise. I was over analyzing the entire relationship and my fears were no more than that, just fears. Insecurities I guess. I dont feel insecure, in fact just today Ric..uh, I mean, my assistant at work, told me that my ideas were too over the top and a little disturbing but I did'nt listen because I know who I am, and what I want...nay, what I expect! But perhaps my securities lie only in my work.
    never-the-less though I felt a certain excitement when you mentioned the metal bikini. It was like finding a treasure map as a young boy or getting behind the wheel of your first sports car. Its a feeling of unwarranted joy and anticipation, dare I say Magical. An overwhelming sensation that, alas, proved to be the end of the relationship and my concerns over her. Perhaps you are right. Perhaps my views on females are warped. Your words have become a puzzle that doesnt make sense to me, its all so confusing. And with valentines day looming like a Rancor in a bunny suit, my nights are long an fitful. *sniff* Where is my sith vixen?
    Help me Grand Admiral Jedi! Fore-go the execution, bring pardon to reform a soul! Have faith in your abilities of redemtion and make unto thee a changed man! Together we can win back my dark lady! TOGETHER WE WILL FIND MY SITH VIXEN! AND WE SHALL.... oh, gotta go, wardrobe called, they're auditioning the new models.

    well, I never said it would be easy.
  17. sabrann Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 23, 2002
    star 1
    " women are not logical "

    Are we suppose to be ? Ain't that what makes life worth living....agrovating and changing things every time you guys turn around is our lot in life.

    Admit it...you guys love it...where would you be without us woman, probley still trying to figure out how to make fire with two sticks :D
  18. Grand_Admiral_Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 1
    Dear George L,

    I fear that you are looking for a computer generated fantasy, and I can tell you that a hologram does not keep old Grand Daddy Admiral warm at night.

    As a Jedi from the old days, we were always forbidden to take upon ourselves romantic love, and I think that tempers my thinking on this issue. But I can say that true love will not be found in the form of a Sith Vixen. That kind of relationship brings only pain, terrible pain. Why? Because she'll beat you - though if you're like a Hutt I knew once you might be in to that. He was always pushing the limits with strong women. He loved to put them in see through outfits and gold bikinis. Ah, but eventually he bit off more than he could chew and his love life brought about his doom.
    George, you must get this fetish under control. Please write again if you need more help.

    And on to Sabrann - who objected to my comment that women are not logical. Well Ms. I'd like to add that a woman is about as logical as a Toydarian toy crafter who make 11 Jar-Jars and 1 Darth Maul to sell in his shop.

    It doesn't make sense does it? Well neither do women. And I'm not saying that because I was turned down once. Uh . . . or executed this lady for treason . . . she had it coming. Oh dear.

    Anyway, that is enough of my column today.

    GAJ Out.
  19. Mara_Jade_Fan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 1, 2002
    star 6
    What advice do you have for me GAJ? Pictures of me and my HUGANTIC Star Wars collection are in my bio... or you can ask Allie about me. ;)
  20. Grand_Admiral_Jedi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 26, 2002
    star 1
    Mara Jade Fan,

    Asks what advice can you give me - I have a huge Star Wars collection.

    Well Ms. M. J. Fan, while I really cannot comment on your situation in this column without more details. I can say that any single woman with a large Star Wars collection can address her questions personally to my Star Destroyer "Love's Master" I promise with a Star Wars collection like yours you'll get my full attention.

    I hope that helps.

    GAJ Out.
  21. Allie Fox FanForce CR Macon GA US

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 3
    Hands off there buddy!

    She's mine. ;)
  22. Mara_Jade_Fan Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 1, 2002
    star 6
  23. Allie Fox FanForce CR Macon GA US

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 3
    GAJ!?! Star Wars runs through our veins(which helps keep your cholesterol down by the way), can you help us two lonely hearts out?
  24. Allie Fox FanForce CR Macon GA US

    Chapter Rep
    Member Since:
    Jan 13, 2000
    star 3
    Grand Admiral Jedi's Love Advice Column has a new home. A home of its own. Visit the Macon Clones messageboard for all your galactic love needs.


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