Greece and jokes

This the thread we were waiting for! Post your jokes and let everyone laugh! I start

Xtipaei to tilefono kai to sikonei i ipiretria. "Nai, mporo na miliso stin kiria sou?" rotaei kapoios. "Den mporei tora" apantaei i ipiretria. "Xezei". To akouei i kiria tis kai vazei tis fones "Anedestati, den ntrepesai, amorfoti" klp klp. "Alli fora, na les oti i kiria mou kanei tin anagi tis!" Simfonei i ipiretria.
Kamposes meres argotera ksanaxtipaei to tilefono.
"Nai, mporo na miliso stin kiria sou?" rotaei i foni.
"Den mporei tora, kanei tin anagi tis" apanta i ipiretria.
"Tha argisei?"
"Mpa, den nomizo. Mpike klanontas"

 

^ Gelasa brosta stin othoni. Me koitane perierga.

 

Mpaianei enas se ena katasthma pou poulane opla kai zhtaei ena oplo megalhs apostashs me dioptra(koinws sniper rifle!)O upallhlos vgazei amesws to kalytero kai tou leei deixnontas eksw apo to parathyro :
"Afto to oplo einai toso kalo poy mporeis na deis apo adw mesa sto spiti mou pou einai panw ston lofo."

O pelaths reixnei mia matia pros to spiti me thn dioptra kai arxizei na gelaei.
"Pou einai to asteio ? " tou leei o upallhlos.
"Vlepw enan gymno andra na kunhgaei mia gymnh gynaika sto spiti sou" apanta o pelaths.
Amesws o ypallhlos vazei to mati toy stnh dioptra kai vlepei thn gynaika tou gymnh na kynhgietai me enan gymno andra.Eksallos gyrizei ston pelath kai tou leei :
"Tha sou dosw 2 sfaires ,thn mia thelw na thn fytepseis sto kefali afths kai thn allh sto organo aytou tou alhth ! An to kaneis auto tha sou xarisw to oplo ! ".
"Egine ! "apanta o pelaths.
Bazei to mati tou sthn dioptra kai stoxeyei.Prin pyrovolhsei stamata kai epistrefei thn mia sfaira ston ypallhlo.
"Den xreiazomai defterh"tou leei."Ginetai kai me mia..."

 

Theos!Proskino tapeina to anekdoto!

 

^

KI ALLOOOOOOO!!!

 

Theika kai ta dio.

 

Akouste kai auto:

Htan enas anthropos sthn erhmo pou eixe xronia na gamisei.Mia mera eipe mesa tou: Den andexw allo, tha gamisw thn kamila!
Paei stin kamila tou feugei auth.
Xanapaei sthn kamila tou xanafeugeia auth!
Paei kai trith fora stin kamila ta idia pali.
Skeftetai apelpismena ti na kanei ma den tou erxotan kamia idea.
Xafnika xalaei to tzipaki kapoias kai paei prothima nathn voithisei.Anoigei h porta tou tzip, katevenei h Pamela Andersson kai tou leei:
-Ftiaxe mou to tzip kai apo emena tha exeis oti theliseis.
-Oti, oti thelw, ths leei.
-Symfwnoi.
Ths to ftiaxnei kai ths leei:
-Kai twra h xarh.
-Ante pesto na teleiwnoume...

-Thelw na krathseis thn kamila gia na thn gamisw!!!

 

deksi klik, save target as
Merika prosopika epilegmena anekdota...

 

Enas giatros perase prin apoligi ora mia mikri peripetioula me mia astheni tou. Prospathouse na to kseperasei, alla tipota. Kathotan kai skeftotane pos prodose ton orko tou, pous kataxrastike tin empistosini tis asthenous klp.
Mia foni mesa tou prospathouse na ton dikaiologisei kai elege: "Akouse file mou, den einai i proti fora pou giatros perase kala me astheni tou. Alloste, omorfi itan, kathos prepei. Min fovasai, den prokeite na to pei se kanenan."
Molis omos afti i foni sopenai, mia alli foni tou elege: "Malaka, eisai ktiniatros!"



Se ena estiatorio politeleias, o servitoros itan mavros. Stin pisina dipla, kathotan mia ginaika kai liazotane. Ksafnika fonazei: "Agapi!" TO akouei o ipiretis, den edose simasia. "Mallon allon tha fonazei" skeftike. MEta apoligi ora, ta idia. "Agapi!" tipota o mavros. Afto egine kamposes fores, ospou o ipiretis ti rotaei: "Emena fonazete;"
"Nai agapi" tou apanta. "Fege mou ena potigi nego"

 

Apo ton fakelo tou jimkk29:

Sthn Hirosima...

Leei to paidi sth mana..
-Mama exw tria vizia!
H mhtera...
-Sta arxidia mou!


LOL

 

Allo ena :

O George Bush pathainei baraz 3 egefalikwn se mish wra,mia kardiakh prosvolh kai meta apo ligo

pethainei.Phgainei sthn kolash kai vriskei ton diavolo, o opoios ton perimenei kapnizontas,skeptikos kai

fanera agxwmenos.

"Den kserw ti tha kanw twra me sena"tou leei o diavolos."Eisai o epomenos sthn lista mou alla eimaste

kleismenoi full,den yparxei allos xwros sthn kolash.Prepei omws na meineis opwsdhpote sthn kolash,den to

syzhtame...Opote tha sou pw ti tha ginei"synexizei o diavolos."Exw 3 typous edw pou htan kakoi,alla oxi

toso eleeinoi oso esy sthn epigeia zwh soy.Tha afhsw enan ap aftous na fygei ki esy tha pareis thn thesh

tou.Epeidh me vriskeis kai stis kales mou,tha afhsw ESENA na apofasiseis poios feygei gia na pareis th

thesh tou ! "

H fash kaloarese ston Bush,kai dexthke amesws.

O diavolos anoigei to prwto dwmatio.Mesa htan o Richard Nixon se mia megalh vathia pisina me ner

Nixon voutouse,karevaine oso vathia mporouse,ksanaevgaine sthn epifaneia kai ksanavoutouse apo thn

arxh.Tetoia htan h moira tou shn kolash.

"Oxi,oxi !" Fwnakse o Bush."Den nomizw diavole.Apo kolympi eimai asxetos,kai epishs apo fysikh katastash

teleiws axrhstos!"

Proxwrane kai o diavolos anoigei to deftero dwmatio.Mesa htan o Toni Blair me mia sarantakoilh

variopoula anamesa se megales kseres petres.Kataidrwmenos ,kokkinos kai katakopos kopanouse spazontas

tis petres,oi opoies ksanafytrwnan astamathta...Tetoio htan to xali tou dithen sosialisth kommatarxh

ap'thn Agglia...

"Oxi kalytera...Ksereis,exw ena provlhma me ton wmo mou...(skeftotan oti mallon den tha mporouse kan na

shkwsei thn variopoula)...kai sygoura tha ypoferw...Pame gia to trito ?


Anoigei o Diavolos to trito dwmatio.Vlepei mesa o Bush ton Klinton,ksaplwmeno sto patwma xalaro, me ta

xeria pisw apo to kefali,na diavazei efhmerida kai na roufaei to kafedaki tou.Eixe ta podia tou anoixta

kai apo panw tou skymmenh htan h Monika Levinski,h opoia synexize na tsimp...ei ton Amerikano prwhn

proedro entels ataraxh kai arketa pathiasmena.

O Bush sasthse apo thn xara tou gia ligo,to xwnepse kai eipe sto diavolo eyths : "Nai , aft moy kanei !

Eimai sigouros pws tha ta paw mia xara diavole !"

O diavolos xamogelase, tou ekleise to mati kai fwnakse:
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OK Monica,arketa koritsi mou..eisai eleytherh na fygeis...

 

can you write english versions?or turkish

 

Of course, how abaout this one:
He: Why schould we marry instantly? Let's simply move in together. We don't need to say it to anybody.
She: But if we have children?
He: We do tell 'them' natural.

*drop*

He: I'll make you the happiest woman alive.
She: I'm going to miss you

The boss to the trainee: Where are you going?
Trainee: To the brothel.
Boss: Have you lost it? Go back to work!
Trainee: Okay, but your husband can fetch his forgotten mobile phone himself.

Gabi: Of course you are the first man wiht whom I'm sleeping. Usual I'm wide-awake

After the funeral of the psychatrist two lunatics talk to one another: "It seems like this man wasn't really popular" - "Why?" - "We were the only ones who were dancing to his music"

 

heheh..thanx for translation...i can translate turkish jokes for you later...

 

No prob ^^

 

[image=http://www.contra.gr/images/paparazzi_biskota_sperma.jpg]

Gia na xeroume ti trwme...

[image=http://www.contra.gr/images/paparazzi_pinakidesgod.jpg]

Thelei na ta exei kala kai me tous dio...

 

Afto to thread ennoeis Obi?

 

Akrivos

 

Paei mia gynaika se enan giatro na kanei eksetaseis. Tou leei afti oti kourazetai poly efkola kai ta loipa opote tis kanei aftos eksetaseis aimatos kai tis leei na perasei se kammia vdomada na parei ta apotelesmata. Tin rwtaei "pws sas lene?" kai tou leei afti "Papadopoulou". Opote kollaei kai aftos ena xartaki me to onoma Papadopoulou sto mpoukalaki me to aima. Ligo meta erxetai mia alli gynaika kai leei ston giatro pws thelei na kanei eksetaseis aimatos. Tis kanei kai tin rwtaei o giatros "Pws sas lene?" apantaei afti "Papadopoulou" opote kollaei o giatros ena xartaki me to onoma Papadopoulou panw sto mpoukalaki. Meta apo mia vdomada paei sto iatreio, enas antras kai leei sto giatro "Eimai o sizigos tis kyrias Papadopoulou kia irtha gia tis eksetaseis". Paei o giatros na tis vrei, vlepei dyo apotelesmata me to onoma Papadopoulou, opou to ena exei kardiaki aneparkeia kai to allo AIDS. Ti na kanw leei aftos ti na kanw. Paei mesa ston sizigo tis Papadopoulou kai tou leei.
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"Pigainte spiti sas kai valte tin gynaika sas na trexei gyrw gyrw 40 fores to tetragwno.
AN DEN PAITHANEI....MI TIN GAMISETE

 

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Dear Koula.

Why do you kratas moutra me? Afou you know i love you karga...
Mexri yesterday we had gamo tis moments don't moy thn spas twra.
What allakse now? You don't goystareis me anymore? You have found a gomeno mori?
I can not believe that there is kanenas like me. Who is the tsoglan you
goystareis and what exei more than me?
Remember Kitsous de Masaei.
Ma giati re koula do you pikreneis me at this dificult moment of my
life?
Afoy you know i have to mazepso Elies MY FELEK...

I don't want to koyrasw you but don't give my nurves giati i'll give you Shoot.

Mexri kai lessons agglikwn you always wanted ekana to see how much i am kapsoyris with you.

Kisses Kitsos.
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Beer contains female hormones in high quantities. 100 men drank several pints and as a result no one could talk coherently and no one could drive.
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Ena zevgari itane sto aftokinito kai pigainane me 60. Kapoia stigmi i ginaika leei "Mitso, eimaste pantremenio edo kai 20 xronia, alla thelo diazigio!. Ta pairni o Mitsos, alla den leei tipota. Aplos anevazei taxitita sta 70.
"Mitso," sinexizei i ginaika tou, "Ta exo me to kalitero sou filo, o opoios einai kai kaliteros sto krevati". Milia o Mitsos, anevazei st 80.
"Mitso, thelo ta paidia." 90. "Mitso, thelo to spiti." 100 "Mitso, thelo tis katatheseis." 110. "Mitso, thelo tis pistotikes." 120 i taxitita kai katefthinontai pros ena tixo. "Esi Mitso de thes tipota;" rotaei i ginaika. "Oxi, exo o,ti xreiazomai." "Kai ti einai afto Mitso;" "O aerosakos."
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O Putin episkeptetai ton Bush sto lefk oiko. "Koitaxe Vladimir," leei o Bush, "protou arxisoume na milame kalo tha itan na fame kamposo, na gemisei to stomaxi na skeftomaste kaliter. Ti les;" "Kai rotas;" leei o Putin. Pataei loi pon o Bush ena koumpi, vgainoun kamposes ksanthes silikonates ke edesmata amerikanika. Peftei o Bush me ta moutra kai arxise na xlapakiazei. Xlapa xloupa xlapa xloupa! O Putin emeine xoris fai kai evlepe ton Bush. Meta apo kamposi ora arxise na gourgourizei i koilia tou. "George," leei, "ti tha ginei me to fai mou;" "Ti de sou ferane; Pata afto to koumpi stin karekla sou." To pataei o Putin, vgainoun 10 ormonouxoi mpratsomenoikai ton kanoun topi sto ksilo. O Bush eliose sto gelio. Ta pairni o Putin kai fevgei.
Kamposo kairo meta, episkeptetai o Bush to Mosxa. "Koitakxe George," leei o Putin. "Eisai na xlapakiasoume protou lisoume ta provlimata;" "Mesa," leei o Bush. Pataei loipon o Putin ena koumpi kai vgainoun kati trimetres rosides me ola ta edesmata ta rosika. Peftei me t amoutra o Putin. O bush aplos to evlepe. To stomaxi tou arxse na gourgourizei. "Vlasimir, ti tha ginei me to fai mou;" rotaei. Tipota o Putin. "Vladimri eipa! Ti tha ginei me to fai mou;" "Pata afto to koumpi stin katekla sou," leei o Putin. O Bush skeftetai ti ekane tou Putin kai kalei tis somatofilakes tou. Pataei to koumpi. Akougetai ena [b]NTAN![/b] Pernane 5 lepta, tipota. !0 lepta, tipota. Mia ora, tipota. 2 ores tipota. Ta pairnei o BUsh. "Vladimir, an den mou fereis fagito tha giriso piso stin Ameriki!" leei tsantismenos. Kai o Putin "LOL Pia Ameriki'"
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NARF! [image=http://www.mlminspirations.com/html/fun/PInkyAndTheBrain.gif]

 

ROLF Ayto me ton Putin kai ton Bush einai aplws KORYFAIO!!!!

 

Enas Germanos, enas Aglos kai enas Ellinas sizitousan gia tis misthoi tous. Rotane loipon to Germano: "Eseis pirate afksisi fetos?" "Pirame", apantaei.
"Kai ti ekanes me ta lefta?"
"Na, pira mia vila stis Alpeis."
"Kai ta ipoloipa?"
"Na, pira ena Audi quattro A6 gia ti ginaika mou na kanei ta psonia."
Rotane ton Aglo: "Eseis pirate afksisi?"
"Pirame."
"Kia ti ekanes me ta lefta?"
"Agorasa ena kastro sta Higlands"
"Kai ta ipoloipa?"
"Pira mia Jaguar gia to gio mou na paei sto panepistimio."
Rotane ton Ellina: "Eseis pirate afksisi?"
"Pirame."
"Kai ti ekanes me ta lefta?"
"Pira ena papi 125 kivika."
"Kai ta ipoloipa?"
"Ta ipoloipa ta evale i mana mou."

 

LOL!

 

Sxoleio stin Olandia: Kai tora paidia, tha mathoume na to strivoume.
Sxoleio stis Alpeis: Dialemai-lalalaeilalalei


Graffiti stin orofi andrikis toualetas: Koita to poulaki sou. Min to ntrepese.
Graffiti: Kenteri prezaki, mathe mixanaki


Se ena spiti, emene o Kritikos me ti ginaika tou sto isigeio kai ston proto i kori tous. I kori epeze dinata mousiki kai o pateras eixe apivdisei.
"Ore ginaika", leei, " ante pes tis na to xamilosei!"
"Ma den mporo antra mou. Neo paidi einai, dnata tha akouei mousiki."
"Kai ti mousiki akouei?"
"Prodigy"
"Aneva kai pes tis, an den o xamilosei tha einai i proti tzi kai i teleftaia tzi!"

 

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[blockquote][b]Htan 2 ksathes kai sizitousane. Roatei i mia:
"Re si, otan svinoume to fos, ksereis pou paei;"
"Oxi re si", apanta i alli. "Otapao spiti to vradi tha to psaks."
Pragmatika, to vradi i mia tilefonei stin alli kai tis leei:
"Re si, thimasi ti sizitisi pou eixame to proi gia to fos;"
"Nai, thimamai."
"Vrika tin apantisi!"
"Ela! Gia lege."
"Exeis anameno prtatif;"
"Exo."
"Svisto [u]AMESOS TORA![/u]"
"To esvisa"
"Oraia. Toa pigenai stn kouzina."
"Piga."
"Anoikse siga-siga ti porta tou psigeiou."[/b][/blockquote]

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