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Before - Legends Green was the saber... [Death Challenge Response]

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by DaenaBenjen42, Mar 18, 2011.

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  1. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    Title: Green was the saber...
    Author: DaenaBenjen42
    Genre: drama/angst
    Disclaimer: Happily borrowing, glad to return when done.
    Notes: This is for the [link=http://boards.theforce.net/fan_fiction_resource/b10304/31584101/p1/?30]Death Challenge[/link] wherein I had to had #7: Yoda, who had to be "struck down in lightsaber practice."

    ~*~*~*~

    Green. Glowing green. It was the last thing he remembered seeing before everything went dark and his world dissolved into silence and darkness. Green... with a red hue. Did it happen? Could he admit to himself that it did happen? Maybe the longer he sat here on the soft, soft ground, the less he would remember.

    Darkness and silence were his constant companions. Had been since it, that thing that involved a green blade and a fatal mistake, happened. It was safe, here in the silence, in the darkness.

    He remembered screaming, and then not being able to hear himself scream anymore, and then everything had gone dark. As dark as the darkest night in the lowest halls of the temple.

    He remembered walking, being led in this utter darkness he'd found himself in. The hands had been careful, but nothing beyond touch registered. Had it happened? Was it real? Those two questions echoed into the silence and back to him again and again, their meaning making him shiver.

    Something warm was draped around him... it felt like a blanket. But why? He wasn't cold. Just... lost. Lost in the darkness. And the silence.

    Hours or days passed, it made no difference because in the darkness time had no meaning.

    Slowly, very slowly... the darkness lifted. The silence became less so... until he found himself in his room, laying on his bed on his side, staring at the wall. It... it...

    "It happened," a voice from near to his head told him carefully, and he lifted his head to find his master watching him from a foot away, an expression of relief written on his face.

    "Master?" His own voice sounded odd to him, horse, as if he hadn't spoken in a long time.

    "It happened," his Master said again. "You know what it is, Obi-Wan."

    "Master Yoda." It wasn't a question, but it made his master wince all the same. "I tripped. He fell forward."

    "And then?"

    "Darkness."

    His master nodded carefully. "Yes."

    "Didn't mean to..."

    "We know, Obi-Wan. We know."

    Later they would talk about his time in the darkness and the silence, and visit with the healers, but for right here and right now, Master and Padawan shared a moment of silence for the dead.

    There is no death. There is the Force.


    Fini...
     
  2. earlybird-obi-wan

    earlybird-obi-wan Jedi Grand Master star 6

    Registered:
    Aug 21, 2006
    Wonderful response to the challenge with Qui-Gon gentle and helping Obi-Wan after the terrible accident.
     
  3. Ubersue

    Ubersue Jedi Youngling star 3

    Registered:
    Sep 1, 2008
    Oh, poor Yoda, died like a chump. That's gotta be embarassing. :p And poor Obi-Wan!

    Great job of pulling this off without being goofy, and still keeping Yoda's dignity intact. This can't have been an easy challenge. =D=

    *EDIT* Okay, let me rephrase that, because it was late when I posted and I was sleepy...

    I don't think I could write a "Yoda died from a lightsaber accident" story without making it some silly slapstick, but you played it straight and pulled it off believably and beautifully. That was an awesome use of (what seems to me) a very difficult prompt.
     
  4. Luna_Nightshade

    Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus star 5 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jan 25, 2006
    Great way to address the challenge in a roundabout way. Very creative and well described. At first I thought it was Yoda speaking until the end. Great response to the challenge.
     
  5. Raphire

    Raphire Jedi Knight star 4

    Registered:
    Dec 19, 2008
    Very nice! The irony was there without making yoda seem like a fool.

    I'm impressed.
     
  6. Briannakin

    Briannakin Grand Moff Darth Fanfic & Costuming/Props Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Feb 25, 2010
    Wow. That was AMAZING =D=@};-. You have to feel bad for both Obi-Wan and Yoda. Great interpretation and response to the challenge.
     
  7. The_Nerfherder

    The_Nerfherder Jedi Youngling star 1

    Registered:
    Sep 19, 2010
    Gotta echo everyone else - that couldn't possibly be an easy challenge, but you really pulled it off. Nicely done! =D=
     
  8. KELIA

    KELIA Manager Emeritus star 6 VIP - Former Mod/RSA

    Registered:
    Jul 26, 2005
    :_|:_|:_|:_|

    And I normally don't read stories where my beloved Yoda dies but this one was well written and worth reading.

    I'm glad to see Qui helping Obi in the end.

    Great response to the challenge


    =D= =D= =D= =D=
     
  9. mavjade

    mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic Manager star 6 Staff Member Manager

    Registered:
    Sep 10, 2005
    Wow!

    What a difficult challenge, to kill Yoda! I really enjoyed how you did this! (Does that make me sound like an awful person?? [face_worried] ) It was not quite direct, which made it interesting, especially in the beginning when you are not quite sure who the narrator is.

    Poor Obi-wan, what an awful thing to go through!

    Great job, Daena! =D=
     
  10. Onderon1

    Onderon1 Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Mar 18, 2008

    :eek:

    Very well-done, Daena. Yoda dying in a lightsaber accident sounds absurd, on the surface, but you've made it work.

    And I wonder what age Obi-Wan is, here? I think we sometimes remember the Negotiator more than we remember "Oafie-Wan," who could theoretically have caused this ... :_|

    Excellent piece. =D=

    - [face_peace]
    Onderon1
     
  11. Jade_Max

    Jade_Max Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    Jun 28, 2002
    That was a tough challenge! Yikes.

    I liked the fell of serenity that seemed to permeate the piece, though. Almost as if death, as you say in the last line, is only a new beginning.

    Very well done and the tone of the vig was perfect for the character!
     
  12. FelsGoddess

    FelsGoddess Game Host star 5 VIP - Game Host

    Registered:
    Sep 5, 2004
    Loved the style this was written in. Really enjoyed how you wrote Obi-Wan's swirling emotions.

    Great challenge response!
     
  13. The Great No One

    The Great No One Jedi Grand Master star 8

    Registered:
    Jun 4, 2005
    *pokes head in*

    very nice first foray into before.

    definitely a very well done tone, and comes across as the feel of someone a bit disoriented, not sure what to think and very distraught.
     
  14. tjace

    tjace Jedi Master star 4

    Registered:
    Feb 11, 2008
    Great stuff, especially love the title.
     
  15. DaenaBenjen42

    DaenaBenjen42 Jedi Master star 5

    Registered:
    May 15, 2005
    earlybird-obi-wan: Thank you, earlybird. :)

    Ubersue: No, it wasn't easy to do. Thank you, Ubersue. :)

    Luna_Nightshade: There was a challenge a while back having to do with POV's one does not normally touch with a ten-foot-pole. Figured it was a good time to try it (the POV I don't normally go to) again. Thank you, Luna. :)

    Raphire: Thank you, Raphire. [:D]

    Briannakin: Thank you. :)

    The_Nerfherder: Thank you. :)

    KELIA: [:D] [:D] [:D] Thank you, Kelia! [:D]

    mavjade: I really enjoyed how you did this! (Does that make me sound like an awful person?? [face_worried] )

    Nope!

    It was not quite direct, which made it interesting, especially in the beginning when you are not quite sure who the narrator is.

    It's a small thing, there with the not-quite-directness... because up until Qui-Gon spoke, I wasn't sure who had done the accidental and tragic deed.

    Thank you, Mav. :)

    Onderon1: Sort of "before there was The Negotiator, there was a much shorter kid in his place"? Thank you, Onderon. :)

    Jade_Max: Thank you, Jade_Max. :)

    FelsGoddess: Thank you. :)

    Trimaj: Who was more surprised, I wonder? Me or you? Thank you, Tri. :)

    tjace: Thank you, and I was happy to find out you loved the title. :)
     
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