Grudge Match 14 Jul 2005, Sarah Connor Vs. Ellen Ripley

OK, guys, it looks like Chewie tore Worf's arms out of his sockets.

Now onto our 1st, Non-Star Wars grudge match...but I still think it's a good one. Remember to read all the commentary before you vote.

The Setting

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The sound of Tina Turner's voice fills the air as the hordes of cheering post-apocalyptic masses hover around the Thunderdome for tonight's special event. The Thunderdome has been specially outfitted tonight with flamethrowers, knives, chains, whips, and all manner of weapons (sorry, no firearms). The two contestants are escorted into the large geodesic dome amidst the bloodthirsty cries of the spectators. The two contestants look each other over, and make mental notes of the weapons scattered around the dome. The crowd goes silent as Tina Turner speaks:
"We have a great fight for you tonight! First, brought to you all the way from Los Angeles, "The Terminator Terminator," Sarah Connor! And her opponent, from the deepest reaches of space, the famous "Alien Killer," Ellen Ripley! Tonight, they will fight to the death!! (The crowd goes wild!) Let the fight begin!"

So Brian, who wins this brutal battle between these brawny babes?



Sarah Connor
vs.
Ellen Ripley

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The Commentary

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BRIAN: First of all, let me clarify that this HAS to be the buff and tuff T2(tm) Sarah Connor and not the soft, girl-next-door, "Do you want fries with that?" T1(tm) Sarah Connor. If it's not, then you might as well put Alice out there 'cause it wouldn't change matters any. (Alice from the Brady household, Alice from Mel's Dinner, Alice in Wonderland, doesn't matter. The T1(tm) Sarah is in the same flabby class as any of 'em.)
With that being said, even the T2(tm) Sarah Connor doesn't stand a chance in hell. Let's look at their track records. Sarah Connor did lots of hiding: behind machinery, behind Ahh-nuld, etc. There is no hiding in the Thunderdome-dome-dome-dome (The preceding was an echo effect best listened to with Netscape 5.0). The only times she ever really came out and fought was: 1.) against a bunch of psychiatrists and lab technicians -- ooooh, impressive; 2.) in the final scene against the T1000. Yes, it was courageous, but all she really did was push him backwards and knock him into a molten pool. She never really killed him herself. And there are no molten pools in the Thunderdome-dome-dome-dome. Which, regardless of Connor's past experience, is a good thing for Ripley.

Ripley on the other hand just goes out and kicks tail. Yeah, she does some hiding in the beginning of her movies, but that's just for suspense and character development, which aren't factors here. When it comes time to pay the bills, Ripley gets the job done. Did you see her walk right into the heart of that nest and hold the entire Alien colony hostage with her rifle/flamethrower/grenade launcher/salad shooter? Sorry, but with balls like that, no bitch is gonna get in her way.

STEVE: First of all, let me clarify that this HAS to be the ruff and tuff Aliens(tm) Ellen Ripley and not the soft, "Where's my cat", let-me-strip-down-to-my-panties-and-go-hide-in-a-closet Alien(tm) Ellen Ripley. If it's not, then you might as well put Debbie Gibson or Tiffany out there.

With that being said, let me say that even the rough & tough Ripley still doesn't stand a chance. Even in Aliens(tm) she spent the early parts of the movie in a psycho ward, having nightmares and flashbacks to the previous movie. Kind of like those Vietnam flashbacks people are always having in really bad shoot-em-up movies. In the middle of the fight Ripley would lapse into a nightmare, and then Sarah would quickly move in for the kill.

Sarah Connor on the other hand has several things going for her. First, she is honed. Remember her doing chinups in T2? I'd like to see Ripley and her flabby physique try that

 

Ripley all the way. She's kicked more alien butt then Sarah Connor could ever dream of! Besides, Sarah couldn't even make it to the 3rd movie in her trilogy. LAME! Ripley managed to even come back to life for the 4th!

 

I vote for Ripley as well. Anyone who can take out Aliens is gonna have no problem with another person.

 

Ripley, no contest.

 

I would have to agree... Sarah, despite her physical conditioning, is no match for a grenade round to the face... Ripley has the training and heavy weapon experience to toast Sarah before Tina hits a high note.

Lod-Reh SaJon ~
"If you seek knowledge and understanding look to the Force.
If you seek pain and suffering look no further than me."