Saga Hard World To Get a Break In/ Vader's musings/ Humor/ One shot deal

Whatever the Emperor meant by ?and we shall have peace? is still eluding me. I?ve been here for half my life and haven?t solved that mystery. Maybe for some old codger like him that has nothing to do than sit on the couch and drink beer all day. Er, throne that is. Still seems rather like one of those cheap office chairs you can buy?

Anyhow, - I?m just complaining about my horrible life. Every day is horrible, so I don?t even know why I?m writing this. In a sense I do?because I don?t get a minute free. Not one! Some stupid idiot always bothering me about ?Death Star new employee orientation meeting? or ?did you print out those battle plans yet?. As if your wondering why I?m spewing now after going on about my tough life, its because I actually got a few minutes free, which is why I?m writing. I could?ve killed for these free minutes. Hehe?that was kind of a hint there?

I?m ?tuning out? in my meditation chamber. It?s the only place I can get any peace at all? At which times I get to write (very rarely) in my journal, while listening to Huttese rock music. I actually used to prefer Coruscanti classical, but that is so boring. I like something with a little more kick to it now - keeps me going through my insipid day. Now?~Vader is interrupted as Emperor approaches~

~Vader comes back~ That was that annoying old geezer. Wanted to know when I was going to print out some new plans I wrote the other day for a new TIE fighter. Can?t give me a moment?s peace. Frelling sithspawn. I don?t even know why I even keep him around. I told him I should just put up a ?Do not Disturb? sign on my door, but he merely glared at me. Apparently he didn?t think much of it. It probably wouldn?t even have make a difference anyway if I had put one up. I already have up a ?please keep out? sign, along with many other such signs I put up periodically. I even add little smiley faces sometimes?that is, the opposite of smiley faces. I put up this evil scowling one once, and the emperor said it was offensive and he was ticked off about it so I took it down. Heh, heh. He?s such a moron.

Now see, that idiot made me get off track! Well I?ll tell you just what a terrible day I had yesterday. First of all, I?m behind in all my office work. I?m supposed to draw up all these troop diagrams and battle schematics for invading half the galaxy at once with 6 SDs and the Death Star. Well to put it short, I haven?t made a single one yet. I was also supposed to find the area of every room on the Death Star to figure out how much new carpet to put in. I tried to explain that it would be easier to just have tile, but the Emperor said the troops needed something more comfortable to stand on while they?re at their stations. I won?t even comment on that. Besides that, I?ve got a part time job flipping bantha burgers in the Death Star cafeteria. Don?t ask. The only thing I?ll say is that it wasn?t my idea. So besides these moronic jobs, I also am supposed to fill out a survey of what I like/don?t like about the Death Star. Reminds me of the first time I got a job as a mechanic on Tatooine when I was 5 years old. They said I couldn?t work as a mechanic unless I had a mechanical engineering degree in college. Bull. Seems like no one in the universe acknowledges genius minds such as mine. (That was actually the part time job my mother made me get in between being a slave to that flying blue insect) For all know I was born working. Well I do know what I don?t like about the Death Star, Palpy for one.


So anyways, between all this already, I have another job! Like I?m not busy enough already!! The emperor put in charge of tech support. Again, don?t ask. So this dorky trooper calls up and says he has no sound on his console, complaining about how he now can?t listen to the ?Bail Organa? radio talk show in the morning. First of all, I told him Rule 1,828,374 says ?no music, TV or such distractions permitted during work?. Warning klaxons went off in my mind at the mention of the ?Bail Organa? talk show. It?s very biased against the Empire for one, and it?s a rebel

 

This is great!
Goodness, Anakin's real darkside has shone through: WHINEY Vader!!!

There were so many funny parts but these stole the cake:

I was also supposed to find the area of every room on the Death Star to figure out how much new carpet to put in. I tried to explain that it would be easier to just have tile, but the Emperor said the troops needed something more comfortable to stand on while they?re at their stations.

For all the things that had already gone wrong that day, I couldn?t believe it. The first thing that came to mind was that I?d miss my ?Desperate Housewives? TV show. The next thing that came to mind was that I couldn?t play KOTOR 2. That was the last straw. I don?t know if I had lost my mind again or what but I suddenly found myself yelling ?NOOOOOOOOOOO? and breaking everything in the room.

?out ?of- work maintenance guy with ADD who does odd jobs around Death Star.?

and the cup of coffee (and ensuing lawsuit!)

and the lack of black ipod head phones!!

Thanks for the laughs, this was a gem!

 

Priceless!

I've got to read this when I'm having a bad day, they're never close to being this bad.

 

LOL

 

I wrote that the other day when everything and everyone was just getting to me; one of those days. Thanks for reading guys, I appreciate it!

 

Great job - loved it.

I couldn?t believe it. The first thing that came to mind was that I?d miss my ?Desperate Housewives? TV show. The next thing that came to mind was that I couldn?t play KOTOR 2. That was the last straw. I don?t know if I had lost my mind again or what but I suddenly found myself yelling ?NOOOOOOOOOOO? and breaking everything in the room.

Esp. that bit...

 

Glad you liked it Kes.

*bumps post*

 

Fun, humoristic fics (not sure of the right word...) can't go better than this, Bria !!!

Great works.

 

Very funny. I really enjoyed this!

 

HA! Very funny!

"And then there was this knock on the door." - great ending

 

Nice and really funny.

Glad I stumbled across this.

Keep it up.