Story [Harry Potter] Beetle Juice (Harry, Draco, Ron, Hermione, etc) *Complete!*

Title: Beetle Juice
Author(s): Jedi-Ant
Timeframe: Half-Blood Prince (AU-ish)
Genre: Silliness
Characters: Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger, Pansy Parkinson, Lavender Brown, Neville Longbottom, Seamus Finnegan.
Keywords: Pop goes the Weasel
Summary: When Hermione is left in charge of McGonagall's Transfiguration class, how bad could it be?
Notes: This is the humorous one-shot I entered for Team Slytherin in the 2010 Harry Potter House Cup (which, coincidentally, we won)


BEETLE JUICE


Ron looked at Harry.

Harry looked at Ron; at the mess on the floor, on the workbench, the smattering of entrails on their friend?s face.

?Well,? Harry said. ?That was interesting.?





32 Minutes Earlier

Professor McGonagall was late.

Transfiguration was supposed to start at 1pm on the dot ? McGonagall was never later ? yet it was now twenty past one and there was no sign of the elderly witch.

Hermione huffed at the head of the line of students waiting outside the third-floor classroom, her nose in a textbook.

?You might not care,? the bushy-haired Muggle-born was saying to Ron, ?but if I lose one point on my NEWTS because of this class??

She didn?t finish the sentence, which was probably wise. When she turned back to the book with another disgruntled expulsion of air, Ron nudged Harry with his elbow and made an imaginary ring around his ear and then shook his head.

?I have eyes, Ronald,? Hermione hissed.

Ron gaped at his friend, while Harry stifled a laugh behind his hands.

?How does she do that?? Ron muttered.

Harry just shrugged his shoulders. He could see Hermione eying them both dubiously over the top of her textbook. She arched a brow at the Boy Wizard, challenging him to say something. He ducked his head and averted his gaze, taking in the scene outside the classroom. The Gryffindors were on one side, leaning up against the brick wall, while the Slytherins slouched on the other side of the corridor, hands in their robe pockets and scowling from left to right. The handful of Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs were scattered between the other two houses, the latter of which were waiting more patiently than the rest of them put together.

Draco Malfoy let out a dramatic sigh. He was inspecting his fingernails as he spoke, his voice the usual sardonic drawl.

?It?s no skin off my nose,? he said lazily. ?I don?t even need my NEWTS. I?m off to bigger and better things.?

?Oh, Draco, whatever do you mean?? Pansy Parkinson simpered.

The blonde flashed her a winning smile that was most definitely on display for the masses. He flicked at the nail on his ring finger delicately.

Pansy squealed.

?Draco! Oh, you?re going to propose!?

Malfoy?s head snapped up. His trademark complexion of near death was now Gryffindor red. Every eye in the corridor was on him and Pansy: some had dropped their jaws, while others were furiously whispering with the person next to them.

Ron Weasley retched, his middle finger poking the back of his throat.

?Foul!? he exclaimed.

?Like you can talk, Weasel!? Malfoy fired back. ?You?d lick the bottom of that Mudblood?s shoes if she asked you to.?

Harry grabbed his friend?s arm to stop him from doing something crazy. Ron?s ears flamed the same shade as his hair. His expression was incensed, accusatory, as he looked at his fellow Gryffindor.

Harry drew two fingers to his green eyes and tilted his head at the staircase end of the hall. A few seconds later, the telltale clack of heels could be heard gaining momentum and volume. Soon, McGonagall?s pointed witches hat came into view, and then her formidable form under a billowing cloak of jet-black ? only she wasn?t anywhere near as formidable as usual. Her head of wiry, grey hair was dishevelled under her hat. She had lipstick smeared across her cheek, and her robes top looked like it was on inside out.

Everyone was gaping ? not just Harry ? yet it was the Boy Who Lived who McGonagall singled out.

 

ROFL!!!!!!!!

Thanks! I need that laugh thismorning.

 

Well, one thing's for certain -- magical classes are never boring (unless it's History of Magic).

Harry looked at Ron; at the mess on the floor, on the workbench, the smattering of entrails on their friend?s face.

I think I mentioned once how when I first read that line, I thought it said something about "the smattering of entrails of their friend's face" and I honestly thought you had just blown up Hermione and were on some zombie rampage again.

?How does she do that?? Ron muttered.

She has eyes on the back of her head, Ron, didn't you know?

Pansy squealed.

?Draco! Oh, you?re going to propose!?

Malfoy?s head snapped up. His trademark complexion of near death was now Gryffindor red.



It's Malfoy Embarrassment Time!

Soon, McGonagall?s pointed witches hat came into view, and then her formidable form under a billowing cloak of jet-black ? only she wasn?t anywhere near as formidable as usual. Her head of wiry, grey hair was dishevelled under her hat. She had lipstick smeared across her cheek, and her robes top looked like it was on inside out.

Oh dear.

Oh dear.

Two more words...

Oh dear.

He liked his nightmares as they were ? starring Voldemort and Bellatrix and clowns.

Clowns. He shuddered at the thought.

HARRY! Don't make fun of the clowns! I'm in a clown class right now! Do not invoke the wrath of Idri, or else you really will have nightmares!

She strode out of the room before Hermione could protest, cloak billowing around her in a manner even Professor Snape would be proud to see.

*snort*

?McGonagall and Flitwick, sitting in a tree??

Bahahaha!

In truth, Harry didn?t know what had happened. All he knew was this: Transfiguration had never been so eventful.

Lesson learned for McGonagall -- don't leave Hermione in charge.

Zacharias Smith cleared his throat.

?So, Professor: how was Professor Flitwick??

Perfect timing, Smith.

Amber, dear, you never fail to make me laugh! Fantastic job!

 

Think of the clowns! Just think of the clowns!!!

?So, Professor: how was Professor Flitwick??

This line totally kills me.


Also, I'm eagerly awaiting your "Harry Potter and the Zombies" fic - still needs finishing, doesn't it? I'm just so anxious to know how it actually ends!

 

That was awesome. Nice job!

 

Excellent!! I love it - especially clowns being worse than Voldemort Great piece

 

Thanks, Nat!