Story [Harry Potter] Wizard Wheezes: the Interviews [Fred and George host a talk-show. Insanity ensues.]

Title: Wizard Wheezes: the Interviews
Author: Idrelle_Miocovani
Timeframe: post-DH
Genre: INSANITY
Characters: Ghost!Fred and George
Summary: Fred and George Weasley are invited to host a talk-show. Nonsense and insanity ensue.
Notes: I had this kicking around in my files and since I'm done school, I felt the need to celebrate with something terribly... preposterous.

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[b][blockquote]WIZARD WHEEZES: THE INTERVIEWS[/blockquote][/b]

[i]The audience applauses as George Weasley Apparates on stage. He is dressed in a maroon suit with an orange tie, an outfit that clashes terribly with his hair. Waving his hands and jumping up and down, he runs, jumps over the ornate wood desk stage left and lands spectacularly in the large, maroon chair. The audience applauses. George Apparates, disappearing from the chair and reappearing centre stage.[/i]

GEORGE: Thank you! Thanks, people! Welcome to another edition of [i]Wizard Wheezes: the Interviews[/i]! I am your host, George Weasley. Tonight?s episode is called ?Conversations with Dead People.? Now, it?s not time to get your depressing mourning mojo on ? nope! Death is an inevitable part of life ? we?ve all heard the metaphors about circles and such, so I won?t get into that. No, tonight is going to be a spectacular event, because on our show tonight ?

DISEMBODIED VOICE: [i]Our[/i] show? Since when was it [i]our[/i] show? Shouldn?t it be [i]your[/i] show?

GEORGE: Fred, it?s the [i]Wizard Wheezes[/i] show. You?re a co-creator, so it?s [i]our[/i] show.

FRED?S VOICE: I?m a ghost. I haunt people, I don?t interview them!

GEORGE: Right now you?re haunting me, so go away and scare some little Slytherins, okay?

FRED?S VOICE: Naah, I kind of like it here.

GEORGE: You do realize no one can see you, right?

FRED?S VOICE: Hmm? Oh.

[i]With a pop, he becomes visible. A ghostly Fred is sitting askew in George?s chair. [/i]

GEORGE: Oi! Out of the comfy chair!

[i]He runs at his twin, though how he will do any damage to a ghost, no one knows. Fred grins and sinks through it, disappearing beneath the stage. George recomposes himself and returns to centre stage. [/i]

GEORGE: And that, people, is the [i]other[/i] host, my twin, Fred Weasley.

DRACO MALFOY (AUDIENCE MEMBER): Is he a ghost or is it a trick? I?m suspicious!

GEORGE: No, he?s a ghost.

LAVENDER BROWN (AUDIENCE MEMBER): How can he be a host if he?s a ghost? Pardon the rhyme!

GEORGE: Stuff like that happens. He?s a host, but he also haunts the show.

[i]Audience members get up in unison to leave. [/i]

GEORGE: No! He?s a good ghost! Oh, sit back down!

FRED?S DISEMBODIED VOICE: Mwhahahaha!

GEORGE: Shut up!

FRED?S DISEMBODIED VOICE: MWHAHAHAHA!

GEORGE: [i]Shut up! [/i]

FRED?S DISEMBODIED VOICE: May I ask why?

[i]He appears floating above the stage. Mass panic to get out of the theatre continues to rage as the audience fights to leave. [/i]

GEORGE: Fred, you?re channelling Peeves right now.

FRED: Oh, goody. Nice to know his charm has been rubbing off on me. He?s my new drinking buddy, didn?t you know?

ERNIE MACMILLAN (AUDIENCE MEMBER): Ghosts can drink?

[i]The audience all returns to their seats, their interest renewed. [/i]

FRED: Oh, yeah. There are a number of good things about being dead. For starters, you can walk through walls. Really helpful, this incorporealness. Makes getting places a lot simpler, especially if you?re at Hogwarts. No more having to fight with a door with a password! No more getting stuck in trick steps! No more having to take half an hour to walk from the seventh floor to the dungeons and risk being late for Potions!

LEE JORDAN (AUDIENCE MEMBER): How do you become incorporeal?

FRED: Well, first you need to join the Order of the Phoenix. Then a war must come up in the wizarding world, specifically with Voldemort.

[i]The audience gasps in horror. Some cover their ears. [/i]

FRED: Oi, people, he?s dead. Name not scary anymore.

[i]The audience remains silent.

Fred glares at them. He floats up and begins to fly around the audience.

 

Very funny!! I especially love the Pinky and the Brain tie-in

 

Like a silly thing like death could ever stop Fred.

Love the Pinky and the Brain tie-in.

 

Just what I needed - pure, unalloyed Weasley silliness!

... Although dead!Fred still makes me , even in the context of a humorous fic.