~~Haunted By Secrets~~ (Creepy sort of JA/AU :)

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction Stories--Classic JC Board (Reply-Only)' started by SiriGallia, Aug 19, 2002.

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  1. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    Title: Haunted by Secrets

    Author: SiriGallia

    Rating: PG (violence and tense scenes)

    Central Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi

    Timeframe: JA


    Edit: (Whoops! Sorry):

    Summery: When Obi-Wan and other Jedi his age go on a special eight day trip to a planet, Obi-Wan starts to uncover a long buried mystery about a Jedi Knight and a strange old house.


    Author's Note: Well, here I am again! But I hope you'll stay anyway ;) This was kind of an attempt at a 'haunted house' type story! This time I'm gonna start out by posting the trailer so you can see if you want to stick around ;) I'll probably put up the first post tomarrow!


    Thanks for takin a look!




    Haunted by Secrets

    {{{Music begins quietly and eerily}}}

    [Scene: Obi-Wan, at about eleven years, walking through an old hall way, it's dusty and cobwebs hang every where, there is eerie creaky and wind is brushing sand across the floor. He moves slowly into a dark room]

    Fades to black

    [Scene: Fades back in, Obi-Wan is in a dark room a close up on his face. There is an ominous clink of chains, Obi-Wan gasps and backs against to wall away from some unseen terror]

    Voice: Get out!

    [Obi-Wan turns and runs from the room]

    Black

    [Scene: Obi-Wan sitting on a dock with Bant, Reeft, Garen, Aalto and Bruck]

    Bruck: That's Crazy Ine'Zar's house. They say it's haunted.

    [Scene: An old house creaking in the wind]

    Obi-Wan: Fine, I'll go, but I think we should wait until night

    Bruck: No! No one ever goes in after dark. The insane Jedi lurks in there at night. Crazy Ine'Zar caught him years ago and keeps him in locked up in there, at night you can hear him screaming.

    Scene fades to black

    [Scene: Obi-Wan lying on his cot, cries can be heard and he shivers]

    Blue lettering on a black background, clouds seem to be breezing over the letters:

    A mystery buried for years...

    [Scene: Obi-Wan sitting across from a man chained to the wall, the man looks wild]

    Obi-Wan: Obi-Wan.

    Man: What?

    Obi-Wan: You called me boy, my name is Obi-Wan, Obi-Wan Kenobi.

    Man: Qui-Gon

    Blue lettering on a black background, clouds seem to be breezing over the letters:

    A man, with too many secrets...

    [Scene: Obi-Wan starts to walk out of the dark room and Qui-Gon grabs him]

    Qui-Gon: Don't try to leave. You'll never survive the laberynth

    Obi-Wan: The what?

    Blue lettering on a black background, clouds seem to be breezing over the letters:

    And a boy, willing to give everything...

    [Scene: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan standing across from each other]

    Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan, I don't care what happens to you if I can escape, you know that.

    Obi-Wan: That's okay, because I don't care what happens to me either, as long as you can escape.

    {{{Music picks up}}}

    Scenes flash

    Obi-Wan igniting his lightsaber
    Qui-Gon whirling, fear in his eyes

    Qui-Gon: No! Get away from me!

    Bant backing away with a gasp
    Obi-Wan slamming against a wall
    Qui-Gon swinging Obi-Wan's lightsaber into a door
    Obi-Wan hooked up to a strange devise, he screams
    Tahl crying as she watches something in the sky

    {{{Music lulls to a low rythmic thumping}}}

    Obi-Wan: Did you hear that?

    Qui-Gon: What did you hear?

    Obi-Wan turning his head in slow motion with a gasp

    Qui-Gon: Obi-Wan--

    Obi-Wan: Go!

    Ine'Zar laughing: Let's see your secrets

    {{{Music picks up suddenly}}}

    Qui-Gon grabbing Obi-Wan and pulling him back
    Ine'Zar laughing insainly
    Obi-Wan slowly opening a door
    Qui-Gon igniting a lightsaber

    black

    Obi-Wan: I'm breaking you out, tonight.

    Black

    {{{Music turns eerie again}}}

    Blue lettering on a black background, clouds seem to be breezing over the letters:

    Haunted by Secrets
  2. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    :eek: *clears throat* Sorry, that's all I can give right now. Good job. :) Is this some kind of trailer? I hope it is - it looks very interesting! :D
  3. Siri_Z Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 3
    I've heard many things about ur writing... and i can definitly see why...

    :eek:

    wow ill be sticking around for this... hauntings are always great stories but i have never heard of a star wars one... u got a creative mind... i like that.

    Till Later~
    Siri
  4. PadmeLeiaJaina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2002
    star 6
    SiriGallia

    Well this sounds fascinating...more please! :D
  5. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    I'm looking forward to creepiness
  6. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    Obaona: Yeah, it's a trailer! I liked doing um so I started a thread on Writer's Resource and have tried to do one for each story I post! :) I'm glad you liked it! :D

    Siri_Z: [face_blush] Well thank you! I have always wanted to have a creepy sort of story and when I came up with this idea I just HAD to write it! I hope it lives up to your expectations :D

    PadmeLeiaJaina: *laughs* I like that name! WoW thanx! I'm glad you found it facinating ;)

    PadawanKitara: Hey Kitara!! Oh good, I hope you like it :D

    _____________________________________________


    Haunted By Secrets


    ~*~Chapter 1~*~

    Cries in the night...Shadows in the dark





    Her eyes filled with tears, the green and gold stripes across them were glossy and she shook her head, she couldn't believe it. "Don't go," She whispered.

    The man shook his head. "Don't worry about me Tahl, I'll be fine, the Sondine's trust me with their secrets, but nobody knows that. I won't be attacked."

    Tahl blinked back her tears. "I can't let go of you now, I-I just can't."

    The man ran a finger across her cheek. "I'll be all right, and I promise I'll come back."

    The two walked to the cloud car that would transport him to the docking bay, Tahl walked in stunned silence a couple steps behind him. The cloud car had landed, and after a brief squeeze to her hand the man boarded it. Tahl stared at it as the car began to coast to flight down the runway off the Jedi Temple. Tahl watched it, and as it slowly began to move Tahl suddenly turned fearful. She looked at him as if seeing him for the last time and she began to run, her eyes were suddenly horrified, and she screamed.

    "Qui-Gon! Don't leave me! You'll never come back! Please don't leave!" Qui-Gon Jinn shut his eyes, he didn't want to leave, he had a strange feeling that he would never return. His eyes reopened and became set as he turned.

    "I'll be back Tahl! I promise!" Suddenly a thought came to his mind, something he had wanted to say to Tahl for years, but he didn't know how, he turned again. "Tahl I--" But his words were drowned out as the car took to flight, leaving Tahl in the distance, tears falling down her cheeks and a look of loss in her eyes.

    ///I will return./// Qui-Gon promised himself. ///Someday, I will return.///


    Thirteen years later...


    The team of Jedi students stumbled out of the great transport and into open sunlight, travel packs slung over their backs, and friends clustered together pointing to each new sight. It was the privilege of the nine through twelve-year-old students to go on occasional camping trips. They would set up camp on a tourist planet and stay for eight days, Obi-Wan Kenobi was excited, he was eleven years old, and his eyes were bright with anticipation.

    Next to him were his friends: Garen Muln, a strong-built eleven-year-old boy, Bant Eerin, a petite nine-year-old Calamarian girl, and Reeft, a Dressilain ten-year-old who was always longing for food. The three were chattering endlessly about what they were going to do on the trip. Around them Jedi students ran around the grassy camp area under the careful eye of the five masters who had come along to supervise. Obi-Wan's old Créche master, Mistress Kait was running herd on several curious nine-year-olds who were poking an odd looking creature with a pointed stick. Three other masters were talking about the camp site, and off to his right was the fifth master already looking over places for pitching the tents.

    Along with the masters, a young man who worked at the Créche was finding fault with everybody as he skirted the group, Obi-Wan didn't like him much at all, which was punctuated by the fact that the young man didn't like him either. Obi-Wan was strongly under the impression that the only reason the young man had hung around was because he wanted to be in with the Jedi, even though he hadn't been chosen as an apprentice.

    "Obi-Wan Kenobi!" The man barked. "Just what do you think your doing?"

    Obi-Wan turned. "
  7. PadmeLeiaJaina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2002
    star 6
    Hummm and so it begins...... good start there SiriGallia- I liked your description of the sunrise starting!
  8. Siri_Z Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 3
    Oh good start so far!!

    Expectations? I set none. I'm open to a lot of different kinda things... do whatevr and ill most likely luv it.

    Till Later~
    Siri
  9. Angel_Jedi_Master Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2002
    star 6
    sounds cool. I can't wait for more
  10. obi-wannabe_1138 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 3
    Ooh boy this sounds brilliant. I love scary/ haunt-y stories. Scary, haunty, JA, AU story? ;) Gotta love it. Great start.
  11. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    Xanatos as a wannabe- hmmmm
  12. Seven Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2000
    star 3
    Wonderful! What a post!

    I admit the first one made me somewhat confused with the whole script like format.

    This looks very promising. You can bet I'll be dropping back in soon!

    In fact.... your already on my ATN!

    See you next post! Or maybe before, depending on how impatient I get.
  13. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    PadmeLeiaJaina: Thank you! I always liked to describe sunrises! I think they are SO beautiful and just wanted to add it in here :)

    Siri_Z: Oh thank you! :) I hope you'll like it!

    Angel_Jedi_Master: Hey! Thanks!

    obi-wannabe_1138: Thanks! Yes I like scary/haunty stories too ;)

    PadawanKitara: Yes well, I just HAD to put him somewhere :D

    Seven: *laughs* Yes well the first one was a trailer and I like to use script formats for those because it's something you're supposed to be seeing :D Thanks for reading! Hope to see ya :)

    _____________________________________________

    ~*~Chapter 1: Part 2~*~

    Cries in the night...shadows in the dark




    ***

    Swimming was the first activity after the morning meal. Bant, who was the best swimmer, showed everyone how to glide through the water, and upon seeing her graceful moves, Bruck tried to outdo her. He went out too far and Krideer had to pull him out before he drowned. The day was wasted away in the water, Obi-Wan dove so many times that he was soon very water logged.

    There was a small wood platform in the middle of the lake, and all the children had flocked to it at first, but now it was deserted, and Obi-Wan, Reeft, Bant and Garen sat in the sun staring out at the sparkling water. Obi-Wan rolled his eyes when he saw Bruck and Aalto approach them.

    Bruck slung himself up next to Bant, splashing her with water, as Aalto nearly pulled Obi-Wan in trying to get himself up onto the platform.

    "Hey Oafy!" Bruck called across Garen, Reeft and Bant at Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan turned casually to Garen.

    "Did you hear something." Garen shook his head innocently. Bruck glared at him, then he followed Obi-Wan's gaze. Obi-Wan realized that he was staring at the house, although it was barely visible across the hill, it could be seen clearly from the lake.

    "That's Crazy Ine'Zar's house." Bruck said, knowingly. Obi-Wan ignored him. "They say it's haunted." Bruck continued. Usually Obi-Wan would have ignored such a childish statement, but after the screams he'd heard, or *thought* he'd heard, he wanted to know more.

    "What do you mean?" He asked.

    Bruck leaned over towards him. "Well, old Crazy Ine'Zar lives there, apparently he's got all sorts of ghosts and stuff." Bant shook her head, and Garen looked thickly annoyed. The platform rocked slightly as a slim blonde haired girl climbed up behind them.

    "That's stupid, Bruck," Reeft muttered, "and you know it."

    "Maybe," Bruck said lazily. "I guess you'd never know unless you went inside." Obi-Wan looked up, he had a good feeling of what was coming. "How about it, *Oafy*, too scared to go into a haunted house?"

    "It's not that I'm scared, it's just that I'm not stupid." Obi-Wan said passively. "I know perfectly well, I'd never get into a house with out Ine'Zar seeing me."

    Bruck smirked. "That's simple, Crazy Ine'Zar always leaves at two-a-chrono. *Always*."

    "Just how do you know that?" Garen wanted to know.

    "I know things." Bruck said simply. He turned back to Obi-Wan. "All you have to do is: wait until he leaves, then go in and--"

    "Don't be stupid!" A young and curt voice sounded behind them, the blonde haired girl had been listening in.

    "No one asked you, Siri." Aalto snapped. Obi-Wan recognized the nine-year-old as Siri Tachi, a great fighter with a stern loyalty, he would expect her to object. She turned to Obi-Wan.

    "Don't do it Obi-Wan, he's just trying to scare you, it's just a stupid haunted house story, you're smarter than that." Obi-Wan glared at her as Aalto and Bruck guffawed loudly.

    Obi-Wan turned to them. "Fine, I'll go, but I think we should wait until night." For the first time, Bruck looked shocked.

    "No!" He exclaimed. "No one *ever* goes in after dark,"

    "Why?" Reeft asked.

    "Cause the insane Jedi lurks in there at night." Obi-Wan cocked an eyebrow. "It's true!" Bruck exclaimed. "Crazy Ine'Zar caught him years ago and keeps him in locked up in there, at night you can hear him screaming." Siri rolled
  14. Seven Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2000
    star 3
    Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

    What?

    I don't understand... well, maybe a little, but WHAT THE...???

    ALright. Maybe I need another post?

    ~puppy dog eyes~

    ~whimper~

    ~whine~
  15. Siri_Z Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 3
    Bust!

    That was great!! Dand u had me leaning so far towards the screen in anticipation for what came next.

    Keep it up, im def liking this!

    Till Later~
    Siri
  16. PadmeLeiaJaina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2002
    star 6
    SiriGallia

    "It's not that I'm scared, it's just that I'm not stupid." Obi-Wan said passively. "I know perfectly well, I'd never get into a house with out Ine'Zar seeing me."

    This line was great- I could just hear a young Ewan saying it! Great chapter.
  17. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
  18. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    :eek: :eek: :D :D :D Ohhh, I like this. :)

    I like the description and the way you lead up to things. Obi-Wan also seems to be in better control of himself than he is in JA - perhaps because he doesn't have to deal with the pressure of not being chosen yet.

    I'm REALLY wondering about Qui-Gon.

    *sigh* Well, I suppose I'll just have to suffer until the next post. :( But I'll handle it! :)
  19. SiriGallia Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Jan 28, 2001
    star 4
    Seven: AH! Puppy Dog Eye treatment! *runs from the room screaming* THAT'S NOT FAIR! ;) Yes it is a little confusing to begin with, but hey if it wasn't it would be a 'creepy sort of JA/AU' would it? ;)

    Siri_Z: THANX! I'm glad you're liking it! :D

    PadmeLeiaJaina: WoW! Thank you! I like to try to write my characters as close to the real thing as I can! I'm glad it's working ;)

    PadwanKitara: Then you shall have it ;)

    Obaona: Good point, I think you may be right about Obi-Wan there, no stress...not yet ;) Ah yes...Qui-Gon...hmm... *is descretely silent* :D

    All righty, here's another post, sorry if it's not very helpful as far as the plot goes:

    _____________________________________________


    ~*~Chapter 2~*~

    The Will of a Stubborn Boy




    Obi-Wan didn't look up for a very long time, but finally he turned, Bant had a hand over her mouth, Garen was out of breath and next to him Reeft rippled with concern. Aalto and Bruck were a frightening pale. Obi-Wan got up and headed for the entrance.

    "What did you see?" Bruck asked, and it was the quietest Obi-Wan had ever heard his voice.

    "Nothing," Obi-Wan tried to push past him, but now Bruck was determined.

    "What did you see?" He demanded.

    "Nothing!" Obi-Wan said again, "I didn't see anything." He didn't know why, but he didn't want to talk about it, he had felt more afraid then he had ever felt, there was something more than the frightening figure of the man, or the tense silence, or the dark. He had felt a wave of the Force, like a tidal wave, and it had filled him with icy cold fear.

    "Tell me!" Bruck screamed.

    "No!" Obi-Wan screamed back. Aalto grabbed Obi-Wan's arms and Bruck threw a punch into his stomach. Bant screamed and Garen and Reeft quickly tried to pull the two bullies off. Bruck kicked Garen in the shin and beat Obi-Wan in the stomach again. Bant ran past them out of the tent, Garen tried to put himself between Bruck and Obi-Wan, as Obi-Wan tried to yank away from Aalto's grip. Reeft had jumped on Aalto's back and was trying to yank him to the ground. Bruck threw a punch into Garen and Garen hit the floor, then Bruck lit into Obi-Wan.

    Obi-Wan knew he wasn't that interested in what Obi-Wan had found, but he was always searching for an excuse to beat up on him, and half the time, Obi-Wan couldn't do anything about it. Suddenly there was a sharp snap hiss, and someone called from behind Bruck.

    "What's this about?" It was Master Krideer, flanked by Kait and Xanatos, as well as Kile Tennir, Bant was hanging off to the side. "Aalto, let go of that boy." Aalto complied instantly. Bruck was trying to look like the victim, massaging a cut Obi-Wan had given him, but the Masters weren't fooled. "Chun, Aalto, you are coming with us." Krideer left and Kait insisted on taking Garen to the healer tent, he had been badly hurt by Bruck. Obi-Wan said he was all right, and could dress his wounds alone.

    He sat down on the cot, he saw that Bant and Reeft were explaining to Kile what had happened, occasionally one of them would glance at him, but didn't address him. When the story was completed, the three looked at him, as if waiting for Obi-Wan to say something, but he didn't, he got up and left the tent without a word to any of them.

    Outside the sun was beating down on the camp site, students ran around trying to out race one another, Siri was talking with another nine-year-old and a twelve-year-old. Obi-Wan leaned against a tree, his eyes grazed over each hill, each tree and finally came to rest on the house. He could see a man coming up the dirt path, Ine'Zar.

    ///What did that old man want with a Jedi?///

    Obi-Wan was very certain that the man he had met in the creepy house had indeed been a Jedi.

    ///But why was he there, if Ine'Zar wanted his strength, why was he keeping him underfed?///

    Then he remember the screams he had heard.

    ///Was the Jedi really crazy? Or was Ine'Zar doing something to him?///

    Obi-Wan stretched out with the Force, letting it gathe
  20. PadmeLeiaJaina Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 23, 2002
    star 6
    oh-oh I think I may know who the captive Jedi is.... ;)
  21. obi-wannabe_1138 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2002
    star 3
    WOW. That's all I have to say, wow, so original and imaginative, never seen anything like it, brilliant, and beautiful writing style. Eagerly awaiting more.
  22. Seven Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2000
    star 3
    Hello again! Wonderful post!

    I don't like that Bruck. Something needs to be done about them.

    More soon please!

    Edit: I forgot! More lulabees!!!
  23. obaona Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    Nice post. Good writing.

    *falls over*

    Sorry, I'm ill, I can't give much feedback. But I liked the post. :)
  24. Siri_Z Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 16, 2002
    star 3
    That was great!!

    Luved the fight... lol but hey im a weird one like that. ;)

    Cant wait for more!

    Till Later~
    Siri
  25. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    OK Obi-Wan. time to be brave ad go back in there -better him than me :)
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