Before Hauntings from the Past: OC, Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan (40 BBY AU) Chapter 14 Posted 3/16

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Book-Geek, Oct 28, 2011.

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  1. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Very interesting stuff behind the pseudonyms ;)

    I can just bet there are whispers about Jane's paternal origins :p

    The blend of intelligence, liveliness, and impulsiveness etc. seems very realistic and will lead to many adventures.

    Obi-Wan didn't put up as big a fuss about Jane as I thought; shows maturity and acceptance [face_thinking]
  2. AzureAngel2 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    Like your description of Jane through Obi-Wan a lot.

    :)

    But what I like most is that mission to Hapes.

    [face_dancing]

    And your nomes de plume for their undercover mission, gorgeous:

    ?Master, are we going by our real names or do we need aliases?? Obi-Wan asked.

    ?Pseudonyms would be a good idea for this assignment.? Qui-Gon said.

    ?I?ve got one!? Jane said with a broad grin as she thrust her hand in the air.

    ?That was quick,? Obi-Wan said, surprised. It usually took him and Qui-Gon three hours of browsing baby name websites on their datapads before even coming up with a short list with suitable names.

    ?What is your new name, then, Jane?? Qui-Gon asked.

    ?Jasmine,? Jane said proudly. ?Like the flower.?

    ?That?s a very nice name,? Qui-Gon complimented.

    ?And I got names for you and Obi-Wan, too!? Jane said.

    ?You do?? Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan asked at the same time.

    ?Yep. Han for Master Qui-Gon and Ben for Obi-Wan,? Jane said, looking back and forth between the two, searching for their reactions.
  3. Shira_Adola Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2011
    star 4
    I'm so proud of Obi-Wan for not making a big deal out of it, but I do empathize with him. I'd be jealous of him too. And it looks like the little one has a crush on him [face_laugh]

    I like the choice names and the fact that Jane's religious. It gives her more depth. That's a very interesting political system you've got going on there [face_thinking] I wonder if there's going to be any trouble.
  4. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    I AM enjoying this story, but I just cannot quite wrap my mind around a THREE year old GIRL being so super-Jedi, even a child prodigy, one able to keep up with Qui-Gon in sparring (and consider the SIZE difference as well).

    She couldn't have been reading & sparring at age 6 months or probably age 1.

    If she was older, this niggling doubt would probably not exist. I compliment you on so far avoiding making "Super-Jane" although just due to her age, you come close (for my tastes). With that said, you write a good story.
  5. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    Obi-Wan is not the only one wondering about Jane's parentage. (I am too ;) )

    Love Jade trying to capture Obi-Wan's attention. So cute. [face_laugh]

    Looking forward to the mission to Hapes.
  6. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    What female wouldn't have a crush on Obi-Wan? :p

    I understand Obi-Wan's misgivings about Jane...I wonder if something is going to happen to cause him to totally accept her?

    She's going on a mission at three years old? Interesting. I know she is highly intelligent, but is she mature enough to handle a mission? I was wondering what her position might be. It will be interesting to see how she does on this.

    Looking forward to more! :)
  7. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    Looking forward to how things go in Hapes! That system always seems like a more... evil? Naboo, and very interesting to read about. Also like seeing all 3 of them together in this mission! Great update.
  8. Book-Geek Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2011
    star 3
    Jade_eyes: Obi-Wan didn't put up as big a fuss about Jane as I thought; shows maturity and acceptance.

    Obi-Wan?s more of the ?grin and bear it? type. Or, at least, he always seemed to be that way to me.

    Azure_Angel2: But what I like most is that mission to Hapes.

    I?m glad you?re excited. I just hope this next chapter is not a let-down.[face_worried]

    Shira_Adola: I wonder if there's going to be any trouble.

    This is Qui-Gon, Obi-Wan and Jane we?re talking about. Of course there is going to be trouble.

    Valairy_Scot: I was a little hesitant about making Jane how she is and with the age she is, for the reasons you mentioned. But it will come into the plot line later and it will make sense. Or, somewhat sense.

    Hazel: Obi-Wan is not the only one wondering about Jane's parentage. (I am too )

    All questions shall be revealed?. eventually.[face_mischief]

    obimom: I understand Obi-Wan's misgivings about Jane...I wonder if something is going to happen to cause him to totally accept her?

    We shall see.[face_mischief]

    Luna_Nightshade: Thanks! [:D]
  9. Book-Geek Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2011
    star 3
    Chapter Seven: Mission Mishaps

    It was an unusual mission, to say the least.

    Their descent on Hapes had gone smoothly. However, their reception was? peculiar.

    They were greeted by the diplomat who had requested their presence and her daughter (who was acting as her aide) who was around Obi-Wan?s age. Once given a recap on the situation, the diplomat gave the Jedi their assignments: Qui-Gon was to work in the palace library, where the Prince consort spent most of his time during the day; Obi-Wan was to work in the kitchens, in case an assassin would try and poison the food; and Jane was given the details of her assignments and ?background? for bodyguard training. The three would be able to reconvene several times a week in a secret location to discuss anything they found suspicious.

    The diplomat was concerned about Jane and how young she was, especially when she learned that this was Jane?s first mission, but her worries were put to ease when Jane was given an exam about different types of weapons and how to detect snipers. Her fears were further quelled when she watched Jane easily impress the seniority with her calm demeanor and how she handled herself with maturity around the diplomats, advisors and the Queen.

    But Jane did have one worry that left her awake at night.

    Though Queen Ni?Korish seemed to be cold and slightly harsh with everyone, she seemed to be even more so with Jane, even though Jane had done nothing wrong to offend or insult her. Jane began to worry that the Queen had begun to suspect that the new trainee was a Jedi, a fact that no one outside of the diplomat, her aide, the head guard and Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan knew.

    Fortunately, while Jane was fretting over this, there had only been two assassination attempt in the two weeks the Jedi were there.

    The first attempt took place when Jane had been following the Queen and her fiancé as they took a walk in the gardens along with two preteen girls who were also in guard training. Jane had spotted a glint of metal from a sniper rifle and, after discretely motioning to the other girls what she saw, the sniper was taken care of. But not before a shot was fired.

    Thinking it was going to hit one of the other guards, Jane redirected the bolt with the Force so that the bolt hit the ground a few inches from the guards feet. No one saw it. Except the Queen, who glared daggers at Jane.

    Dun dun duh, I?m dead. Jane thought with a silent gulp, praying that the Queen would think that she had Force-sensitivity, but no training. After all, her records said she had been born in the Hapan countryside and been in bodyguard training since birth.

    But thankfully the Queen asked no questions, but did start treating Jane a little more harshly than before. Unfortunately, the sniper they caught had taken a suicide pill before he could answer any questions, so the threat of assassination was still wide and prominent.

    Throughout this time, Ni?Korish seemed on edge, and she insisted on her wedding preparations being rushed. Her advisors, the diplomats and even her fiancé assumed that she wanted the wedding to take place because of the assassination attempts, but Jane found out the true reason.

    Jane was alone with Ni?Korish in the throne room while she looked over some documents. It was late evening and the other diplomats had gone to dinner and then to their quarters and Jane was waiting for her replacement so that she could get some dinner. She decided to stretch out with the Force to examine the room. What she found surprised her.

    She and the Queen Mother were not the only presences in the room. There was a third person.

    But this third person wasn?t even born yet.

    Does her fiancé know? Jane wondered, now knowing why Ni?Korish was constantly on edge. But if he knows, why doesn?t she tell her advisors? Why push the wedding?

    Then the reason why hit her:

    The baby wasn?t her fiancé?s.

    At this realization, Jane realized Ni?Korish was watching her. And just figured out both Jane?s secret and that Jane had discovered h
  10. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    There is always something up with the Hapans, isn't there?

    Really liked the Moon Ponies :) and Obi's little rant at the end. [face_laugh]
  11. AzureAngel2 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    [face_laugh]

    Moon ponies... sniff, great! One of my students recently got a migraine pony from her parents. As if this would help. I am half-dead when I have one of my attacks and cannot stand sound, light or movement then.

    But a moon pony... excellent.

    Anyway:

    The diplomat was concerned about Jane and how young she was, especially when she learned that this was Jane?s first mission, but her worries were put to ease when Jane was given an exam about different types of weapons and how to detect snipers. Her fears were further quelled when she watched Jane easily impress the seniority with her calm demeanour and how she handled herself with maturity around the diplomats, advisors and the Queen.

    Never underestimate a Force sensitive child!

    Great update. I wonder why you thought it would be disappointing. See, I do like jolly good stories that suck me in: Austen, Grimes, Stephen Fry,... or wonderful fanfic authors like you.
  12. Valairy Scot Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Sep 16, 2005
    star 5
    I feel like smacking my forehead just like Obi-Wan. Moon ponies! :eek: [face_laugh]
  13. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    I must be participating a bit in the weird but I love the moon ponies. :D

    Twinky Pie. Cute stuff!

  14. Luna_Nightshade Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jan 25, 2006
    star 5
    Moon ponies! [face_laugh]:D Your mom is very creative, by the way. Great update!
  15. Shira_Adola Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2011
    star 4
    ?Really?? Jane asked, an eyebrow cocked, though he couldn?t see it. ?I?m three and I knew that was going to happen. What part of ?airless moon? did you not get??
    bahahahahahaha!!!! That made me laugh so hard. I like the moon ponies ;)
    I wonder who the father of the Queen's baby is.[face_thinking]
  16. EGKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 27, 2005
    star 3
    Great fic.

    Any chance I could get a PM when this is updated? Many thanks

    EG
  17. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    Loved the moon ponies, and loved Obi-Wan' reaction at the end. I must say I can't blame him. :p

    But moon ponies sound awesome...
  18. mavjade It's so FLUFFY! Fanfic & New Movies Manager

    Manager
    Member Since:
    Sep 10, 2005
    star 5
    Catching up... sorry I got behind!

    I loved Jane and Qui-Gon's duel and Obi-wan basically saying, told you so! :)

    I really liked the discussion about the mares name and why it made no sense there. It sounded like people I know!

    Also, moon ponies! :D My sister in law loves the new My Little Pony (yes, my 30 something SIL :p ) so I've seen a few episodes, I liked the addition of that!

    =D=
  19. Book-Geek Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2011
    star 3
    Hazel: There is always something up with the Hapans, isn't there?
    Hapans. What else are they good for?:p

    AzureAngel2: Ugh. I hate migraine ponies. *shiver* And the reason I was worried was because this chapter was the last one to fully form, and I?ve never written a mission scene before. I?m really glad that it was loved!:D

    Valairy_Scot: Poor, poor Obi. No hours spent meditating with Yoda could have predicted that, future in motion or not.;)

    Jade_eyes: Twinky Pie. Cute stuff!
    Glad you liked it!:D

    Luna_Nightshade: Your mom is very creative, by the way.
    That she is.:)

    Shira_Adola: bahahahahahaha!!!! That made me laugh so hard.
    I think, so far, that is my favorite line.[face_laugh]

    EGKenobi: You?re on the list! :)

    obimom: I must say I can't blame him.
    Neither can I. Poor, poor Obi-Wan.

    mavjade: In my house, it?s my six year old brother and my nearly fourteen year old sister. The hilarious part about their fascination is that my self-proclaimed ?goth? sister is the one who started squealing and pushing the ?record? button after someone she met at Anime club told her to watch the show. She?s what my mom calls a ?Deep, dark, depressing- OOOH SHINY!? goth.[face_laugh]

    Big huge, important AN: Although I will try very hard to get the next chapter posted tomorrow, I must admit that it isn?t quite finished yet. [face_blush] We?ve had some family drama going on recently, I?m getting behind in my schoolwork and I am now practicing soccer three nights a week. So, it might be later than I usually post on Friday, or Saturday morning. But it is coming, I promise!

    PM List:
    Hazel
    mavjade
    obimom
    Luna_Nightshade
    AzureAngel2
    Shira_Adola
    Jade_eyes
    EGKenobi
  20. Book-Geek Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    May 28, 2011
    star 3
    There is a song that goes along with this chapter. The song is "Daughters" by John Mayer, and I highly recommend listening to it while reading. I will put this symbol # when you should start the song if you choose to listen to it.

    Chapter Eight: Bonding Time

    ?And then the Moon Ponies brought us here!? Jane said as she finished telling the young woman behind the registration desk the story of how they gotten to the medcenter, where Qui-Gon was currently being treated for his shoulder wound.

    The young woman was smiling, but she glanced with wide-eyes at Obi-Wan, who was finishing up filling out the paperwork.

    ?Believe it or not, she?s not making this up,? Obi-Wan said, not looking up.

    ?Okay,? The young woman squeaked. She sat there looking back and forth between the two then and when Obi-Wan handed her back the clipboard, she told them they could go, then she hastily made her way into the back. She didn?t return, but neither Padawan really cared.

    Obi-Wan leaned back on the couch in the waiting room, while Jane sat beside him, resting from the day?s adventure while doodling on a piece of paper. To his surprise, he discovered she was left-handed, something he hadn?t noticed before.

    Obi-Wan studied Jane in the quiet and watched her draw. Her drawings were not childlike. She took her time and the shapes were easy to make out. Obi-Wan smiled briefly when he saw that she was drawing a Moon Pony.

    He watched as she began to color and shade in the pony for a few minutes, then returned to studying her. He wondered, if did find one trait that was similar to Qui-Gon, if he would be relieved or-

    ?He?s not my father,? Jane said softly.

    ?Pardon?? Obi-Wan said, shaking himself out of his reverie.

    ?Qui-Gon is not my father, though I wish he was,? Jane said. She looked up at Obi-Wan. ?I hear the talk around the Temple. I know you wonder if the rumors are true. I can deny them one hundred percent.?

    ?I have a feeling you are not going to be forthcoming with telling us who your father really is, then,? Obi-Wan said.

    ?A girl?s gotta have some secrets, right?? Jane said with a grin before she returned to her drawing.

    With a sigh, Obi-Wan turned to stare out the window. Then he chuckled.

    ?Weird to think we were out there tonight. With the stars,? Obi-Wan said.

    ?A billion bright and holy beams of light that travels far. Began the trip from His fingertips the wonder of the stars. Affirm the signs and seasons, so silently they sing of the wonder of their Kindler, the power of their King.? Jane sang softly. (1)

    ?That?s pretty,? Obi-Wan said. ?Where did you hear that??

    ?It?s a song my mommy used to sing to me at night on summer nights. We would lay there and find all the constellations and tell each other about the myths those constellations were paired with. Mommy would tell me all about the planets she visited, the ones she thought I should see when I was older,? Jane said. She was smiling as she said it, but it was clear that talking about her mother hurt.

    ?You miss her.? Obi-Wan said.

    ?A lot,? Jane said sadly. ?But it?s okay, because I know I?m going to see her again someday and I know that she won?t ever be in pain again.?

    ?This might sound like a really personal question,? Obi-Wan said. ?And I?m okay with it if you don?t want to answer, but, how did your mother die??

    Jane looked down at her drawing and sighed.

    ?Everything was fine. Then, one day, she got sick. At first, she and Nonna?the woman who trained my mother on Corellia?thought it was just the flu. She went to the doctor, and the doctor thought it was the flu and gave her some medicine. It was clear the medicine wasn?t working. Soon, she was in so much pain, she couldn?t move without crying, though I know she tried hard not to,? Jane closed her eyes, then opened them again quickly, wiping away tears. ?Nonna dragged her back to the doctors. The doctors put her in the hospital. I don?t think there was anything they could have done, because it was nothing they had ever seen. Some doctors from off-planet came
  21. obimom Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 31, 2010
    star 4
    Very, very sweet chapter. Loved the bonding moment between Obi-Wan and his little Sister [face_love]

    Loved the receptionist's reaction to the story of the Moon Ponies, and Obi-Wan's matter of fact statement about it..:p

    Also, Qui-Gon has every reason to be concerned about Jane's future...I think most of the council (Yoda and Mace, Adi and others) would want the best for her, but the one Council member especially would likely pull every string he could to cause her to be molded to what he wants...not a nice thought. And why is someone like that on the Council anyway?...Well, probably about every council has an bad apple on it..[face_plain]

    Great chapter, looking forward to more. =D=
  22. Hazel Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2010
    star 4
    That was very very sweet. :)

    Great chapter! [:D]
  23. Nyota's Heart Combos & Paragraphs Host

    Game Host
    Member Since:
    Aug 31, 2004
    star 6
    Sweet stuff with Obi-Wan and Jane :* @};-

    That C'baoth is more than creepy and that's a good question - why's he on the Council anyhow o_O

  24. AzureAngel2 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 14, 2005
    star 6
    :D

    Loved that song! I hope I can find it on youtube. Celtic music is indeed beautiful, even though it was weird to have Ronnie Drew from THE DUBLINERS in the kitchen of my Au-Pair family one time. Did not even recognize him.

    Was also crossed when our Italian house guest was not allowed to to take me with him to Chris de Burgh one evening. Or to join the photo session with members of the CLANNAD family.

    [face_frustrated]

    Anyway, this scene was brilliant:

    ?He?s not my father,? Jane said softly.

    ?Pardon?? Obi-Wan said, shaking himself out of his reverie.

    ?Qui-Gon is not my father, though I wish he was,? Jane said. She looked up at Obi-Wan. ?I hear the talk around the Temple. I know you wonder if the rumors are true. I can deny them one hundred percent.?

    ?I have a feeling you are not going to be forthcoming with telling us who your father really is, then,? Obi-Wan said.

    ?A girl?s gotta have some secrets, right?? Jane said with a grin before she returned to her drawing.


    Being a regular watcher of shows like CASTLE, BONES, CRIMINAL MINDS and so on I know that the answers are never that easy. I just hope for the lass that her da is neither Tyrannus nor old Sidious.

    [face_worried]

    I also hope that she is a child of love and not... the result of a terrible deed.

    What I also liked is that a certain crazy jedi is described as ´a twisted dug´. He really is one!

    =D=
  25. Shira_Adola Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Feb 15, 2011
    star 4
    [face_love] That chapter was so simple and sweet! The song went really well with it too. I'm glad that Obi-Wan and Jane are forming a bond and that he isn't jealous of her anymore. And I'm glad that Qui-Gon is accepting them both equally. I love the way you portray Obi-Wan in particular, especially that part with the receptionist [face_laugh]
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