Saga He Ain't Heavy, He's My... ?[2008 Dare challenge Anakin, Palps, Mace, Yoda;AU;Nom'd4 best Humor2008]

Title: He Ain't Heavy, He's My...
Author: Alexis_Wingstar
Timeline: ROTS
Note: After I posted my first response to the Dare Challenge, I went to work and the idea for this story popped into my mind. As a reminder, here is the dare I recieved:

Anakin Skywalker, instead of turning to the Dark Side and aiding Palpatine, helps Mace Windu kill the Chancellor. In this he is gravely injured. He survives but carries the injury.

Unable to continue his duties as a Jedi, write a story that shows how Anakin adapts to his place in the Order. Does he reveal the truth of his marriage to Padme? Does he leave altogther?

Added bonus if we see little Luke and Leia.

Well, I skipped the bonus, and again the injury isn't quite traditional. I'm not sure wether to make this my official entry or the original one!

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[B]He's Not Heavy, He's My...?[/B]

?It?s not the Jedi way!?

?Don?t presume to tell [I]me[/I] what the Jedi way is or is not, you sniveling punk!? Mace scowled. ?He?s too dangerous to be kept alive.?

Taking a deep breath and releasing the anger and resentment that welled up inside him, Anakin reasoned, ?You came here to arrest him, but he just killed your friends. Are you [I]sure[/I] you aren?t submitting to the allure of the dark side??

Silence hung in the air as Mace glared down at the apparently defenseless Darth Sidious with the point of his lightsaber nearly touching the Sith lord?s neck. ?Get up,? he growled.

?Your fear of the dark side will be the Jedi?s undoing.? Sidious hissed contemptuously.

?Shut up,? Mace ordered. ?You are under arrest, Chancellor Palpatine. Anything you say can and most assuredly [I]will[/I] be used against you?? The master rattled off the official legalese babble that was required in a bored, almost disappointed tone.

The two Jedi escorted Darth Sidious toward the exit. As they passed the statues on either side of the door, the sculptures suddenly took flight. Anakin managed to sidestep the one that came towards him, but the other statue slammed into Mace, and the Korunnai Master stumbled into the path of the one the younger knight had dodged.

?Oh crap,? the big jedi exclaimed before he collapsed to the floor with a loud thud. The huge statue landed on top of him.

Anakin barely had time to see what happened to Master Windu when Sidious jumped him and they fell. Grabbing the young knight by the shoulders, the withered Sith lord let loose his force lightening directly into the one he had hoped to turn into his newest and most powerful apprentice to date. ?You should have joined me when you had the chance, you whiny jedi brat! Now will you not only be unable save Padme, but I shall kill you then torture her before taking her life!?

?NOOOOOOOO!?

Suddenly, something very strange happened. Sidious not only was unable to pull his hands away from Anakin?s shoulders, he was being drawn like a magnet towards his opponent. ?What? what are you doing??

?I was going to ask the same thing of you! Get off me you old geezer!?

Anakin tried to force push the would be emperor off, but they [I]both[/I] kind of just skidded across the floor. The jedi received a nasty rub burn on his back as a result. As painful as that can be, however, the electrical current of the force lightening and something else he could not understand made the rub burn feel as good as making love to Padme in comparison. Both he and Sidious screamed in agony. The Sith lord?s lightening stopped just before both he and Anakin passed out.

Minutes later, Mace Windu woke up in a rather foul mood. He shoved the statue off himself and slowly stood with a moan and a long string un-jedi-like expletives rolling off his tongue as easily as a boulder down a steep cliff.

There was a foul stench in the air. It smelled as if something was burning. He looked around to see Anakin and Darth Sidious lying in a heap several feet away. ?Anakin?? He rushed over to them and saw that the robes of both the

 

What a unique and well crafted response to the this dare! Probably not what anyone would have envisioned, and that's just one of the things that makes it SHEER genius!

?Palpatine? Sidious?? Anakin poked the Sith?s forehead. When there was no response, Anakin leaped up as he gleefully sang, ?Ding dong the Sith is dead, the wicked Sith is dead!?

He laughed as he pushed a button on the wall to try to get room service.

Healer Kurk finally came in and saw Anakin standing with his back against the wall, arms folded across his chest, and a wide grin on his face. He noticed the Sith?s head lolled to the side in a strange manner.

?He?s dead, Ji?im.?

 

Loved the hilarious humor in this one

?He?s dead, Ji?im." That's a certain line I have seen elsewhere

 

'SHEER genius', huh... does that mean it's transparently brilliant? Sorry, bad joke... long day. Thank you, I'm glad you like it.

Gee, I wonder where?

NOTE: I have decided that this shall be my official dare challenge response.

 

Omg this is so hilaroius

Are you going to write more about this ?

 

I'm not sure I can keep up the level of hilarity on an extended story! I only wrote this as a one-shot for the challenge, but I am flattered you want more.

 

... I would be intrested to see some more, though. Anyway, i loved it

 

This was very funny. Palpatine as Anakin's hunchback was too much for words. It was also a very original concept as to how they got into that predicament.

I, like Palps, who I'm sure is an excellent conversationalist, was beginning to wonder if the whining anakin could say anything other than: Shut up! But, it was so in character.

Clever title as well.

Loved the paraphrased ROTS dialogue!

Very ingenious approach to the challenge!

 

Okay, did not need that mental image . . .

A rather wonderfully off-kilter approach to the challenge. I loved every line of it. You're clearly insane, but that's entirely beside the point

 

I always wondered about the term 'off the wall'... what does it mean? We don't live life on the wall anyway, so why is something that is outrageous considered off the wall? I'm glad you enjoyed the story.

Technically, Palpatine was Anakin's hunchfront in this story. I'm glad I used that title instead of the one that first occured to me... "The Merger". Thanks for the feedback, I love to read about how original, clever and ingenious I am.

Yes, this off-kilter approach is what happens when I come up with a plot while inhaling fumes from the one-hour photo lab.

Ok, now I'm gonna go get more

 

If you're playing a game in an enclosed space, like squash or something, and a ball bounces off the wall, because walls tend to have a lot of irregularities (gaps between bricks, dents, nails, whatever), a ball coming off the wall is liable to go anywhere. Hence the association with unpredictable, random and bizarre things.

At least that's the explanation I got when I once asked the same question

edit: today I cannot spell . . .

 

Wow. That was pretty much the strangest response that I could have never imagined. But very well written!

 

Yeah, I think that about sums it up. That was one of the strangest stories I've read in a long time, but it was strange in the best way possible. Great response!

 

Wow. That was very unexpected, very insane, and very entertaining!

The next morning, Anakin woke with an excruciating headache. Rubbing his head, he turned with his eyes still closed. ?Padme, I just had the worst dream? Ahhh!? He had opened his eyes to see Darth Sidious? hideously wrinkled face too close for comfort. Realizing suddenly that it was not a dream, but not realizing it had been hours since they both past out Anakin tried once more to push the Sith lord off him. ?Get off of me!?



And Sidious dying from old sock fumes? Priceless.

 

That was.. disturbing!

 

Yes, disturbing, but fun!!!

 

Unique approach to killing Palpatine.



Absolutely hilarious!

 

Ah, it was so good to see yet another way for Palpy to die! Hmmmm, I wonder if he was wearing a red shirt when he croaked.....it would fit well with that last line, after all! I also loved seeing Anakin lecture Mace on the perils of the dark side! Then again Anakin did have a few memories of how it feels to kill for revenge..... Or was it just a chance for him to take the moral high ground vs Mace? A touch of "get even" perhaps? Thanks for the vignette!

 

Wow, I can't believe I missed seeing you all respond!

I take that as a huge compliment, as I've read some of your stories and enjoyed the out of the box humor in them.

Since I wrote that, they changed the machines in the photo lab, and I no longer have to pour chemicals... I hope I can still write strange yet entertaining stories now.

I always try to do the unexpected on challenges... I can't help being insane, and I'm glad my insanity can be entertaining.

Kinda like watching a tragedy... you want to look away, but you just can't.

Thanks

Yeah, I couldn't bring myself to have him shafted again.

Perhaps a red robe... but then, Anakin would have been wearing it to. I think it was the latter for Ani. And thank you for reading and your response.

Also, thanks to whoever nommed this for "Best Humor"! I just realized I never did thank those who voted for this fic in the "Ultimate Dare Challenge", so here is the long overdue thanks