Before Healer Record of Qui-Gon, ( Humor short story) YES IT'S FINALLY UPDATED 1/14 !!!!!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Layren, Jul 1, 2004.

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  1. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Title: Healer Record of Qui-Gon Jinn
    Author: Layren and Charmisjess
    Rating: G
    Category: Humor

    Disclaimer: We made no profit from this story all recognizable characters belong to Lucas. All your non recognizable characters are belong to us. :) Please ask before using them.

    Special thanks to Neon Star. Thanks for letting us borrow the bunny and run with it!

    All feedback is welcome :) If anyone has suggestions to add to this please feel free to IM or PM me :)

    Edit - The name Edith for Qui-Gon's middle name comes from Neon's fic Letter's of Complaint. Thanks so much for letting us borrow it!

    Edit Umpteen and a half - Kyran Josel appears in Layren's fic - Repercussions.



    Begin Healer Han'yaie's Record of Jedi Qui-Gon Jinn


    Full Name: Qui-Gon Edith Jinn
    Species: Human
    Gender: Male
    Homeworld: Classified
    Last Recorded Age: 60
    Height: 6'4"
    Weight: 215
    Eye color: Blue
    Hair color : Brown with gray streaks
    Age When Brought to the Temple: 9 standard months
    Reason for File: Purging system records of deceased patients.


    Start Record Conditions of subject

    Age subject came to Temple. Arrived safe and sound and in one piece. The last time he'd ever arrive at my office in one piece.

    Age One: Tripped over Master Yoda and broke his arm. The venerable Master has taken an instant dislike to this young one.

    Age 2: Bitten by poisonous plant.
    Age 2: Plant bite getting worse.
    Age 2: Near death. Gave him a shot to clear it up.
    Age 2: Recovering. Could not give second shot as was kicked several times. Broken knee. Have new nickname for him: Qui-Pain Jinn.
    Age 2: Fell out of a tree in the gardens and broke his leg. How in the Force did a two-year-old climb that high?
    Age 3: Fell on Master Yan Dooku. Minor scrapes and bruises.
    Age 3: Fell downstairs thanks to Master Yoda's gimmer stick. I've been telling him it's a health hazard for years.
    Age 3: Fell on top of Master Rhy'ul of the Jedi Council. Slight bump on the head where he should've had a concussion. Apparently this child is more thick headed than the rest in my experience.
    Age 4: Stomach flu. Treated easily.
    Age 4: Fell downstairs again, thanks to Yoda. I think the Master makes it a habit to trip the boy once a year. Broken left leg.
    Age 5: Shots. Tied him down to give them. Was bitten three times but eventually managed.
    Age 5: Came in demanding to know what a Sith was. I told him to ask Yoda. Yoda waved his gimmer stick at the two of us and said he would understand when he was older.

    Age 5: Bitten by stray animal he tried to bring home. Rash developing.
    Age 5: Rash clearing up.
    Age 5: Kidnapped while still sick. Brought back a new deadly disease and a stray cat with him.
    Age 5: Shots to get the disease out of his system. Two of the other healers have broken legs from Qui- Pain Jinn. Just how do they teach five-year-olds to kick that hard?
    Age 5: Disease finally gone but tripped down the stairs over Master Yoda again his first day out of the Healers. Demanded he was fine while he hopped on one leg.
    Age 5: Fell in the river and near drowned. Padawan Kyran Josel rescued him and the crèche Master dragged him to see me.
    Age 6: Treated for nightmares about near drowning. Give him medication and send him back to bed.
    Age 6: Poisoned by something in the gardens. Easily treated.
    Age 6: Master Yoda's yearly ritual of tripping the boy. Mild concussion.

    (Record continuation on next page.)
  2. Shaindl Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jun 18, 2002
    star 4
    **snicker* Very cuty. Looking forward to the next page!

    Shaindl
  3. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Shaindl Glad you liked it! I'll have more up fairly soon. I'm going out of town for the weekend and I plan to get a lot written ;)
  4. Neon Star Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 30, 2000
    star 5
    Very nice start, but I've told you that before, heh. Certainly doing this idea justice. :)
  5. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    *snrk* loved it... yearly tripping ritural hehehehe great! Loved how you included Kyran saving him ;)
  6. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Neon Glad I'm doing it justice! Thanks so much for the bunny!

    Kynstar Glad you liked it! I plan to reference lots of different fics in this particular story :D




  7. Vampi_Digitalwytch Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 11, 2004
    star 3
    [face_laugh] Oooh, I can't wait for when the teen years come up.
  8. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Vampi_Digitalwytch Glad you enjoyed it ! yes I'm looking forward to the teen years too [face_devil]
  9. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    This was absolutely hilarious! Unfortunately it reads like my almost 16 year old daughter's medical records. I can relate! Wonderful and original idea! Another great contribution!
  10. Valiowk Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 23, 2000
    star 6
    Oh, this is wonderfully cute (especially the yearly ritual of being tripped by Yoda :D ).

    I liked the way you ended it at "the end of the page"; somehow, I can actually imagine myself flipping through pages and pages of Qui-Gon's records! :)
  11. Obi-Wan21 Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Aug 27, 2002
    star 4
    [face_laugh] This is hilarious! Love the yearly tripping! LMAO!!!!!! Can't wait for the next update!
  12. Charmisjess Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 31, 2003
    star 3
    Hey there!!!

    As the alleged co-writer of this....

    Thanks you all for your comments, and updates next week! :D

    *scurries off*
  13. Xeana Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 9, 2003
    star 2

    Master Yoda's yearly ritual of tripping the boy.

    LOL!! Like Master, like Padawan!
  14. CapNJaxWench Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 2004
    star 1
    That was adorable! Loved it. I hope there will be more?
  15. Tanith Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Nov 13, 2003
    star 1
    I love Yoda's yearly ritual [face_devil]
    the troll has a dark side after all :)

    Great idea showing Qui-Gon's life through the medical records - I agree with the others. The teen years should be interesting.

    I also like that he has already picked up the habit of adopting pathetic life forms.

  16. Obi_Kenobi_Devotee Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 2004
    star 1
    I love this story! It had me in stitches. I can't wait for more. Yoda rocks!
  17. Chee-Zee-Poofs Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Jun 25, 2004
    This was the funniest thing I've read in a long time! Wonderful, wonderful bit of humor here!
  18. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Hi everyone! I had this bit ready before I went on vacation but I ran out of time to post it before I left. My humblest apologies :)

    VaderLVR64 I know what you mean about thick medical records ;) I'd hate to see the ones they have on me in Birmingham UAB where I've gone since I was five..... I'm glad you enjoyed it!

    Valiowk Glad you liked that bit! It was from the original by Neon and I loved it so much I had to include it. You know what they say, like Master like Padawan. Yoda had to practice on somebody before Obi-Wan ;)


    Obi-Wan21 Glad you liked it! Here's some more for you.

    Charmisjess We did it! We made em laugh :D Now time for some more!

    Xeana Of course :) My thoughts exactly

    CapNJaxWench Glad you liked it! Yep here's some more :)

    Tanith Glad you liked it! Charmisjess will be posting the teen years here pretty shortly :) We're having a great deal of fun coming up with nasty things to fill up a Jedi's medical record ;)

    Obi-Kenobi-Devotee Stitches eh? hrm... have we used that on Qui-Gon yet? [face_devil]

    Chee-Zee-Poofs I know you! You're an Obi-Wan sock from the challenge forms.. ok now who are you .. glad you liked it :)

    Did I miss anyone?

    Next Page Continuation of Record

    Age 7: Treated for burns on his hands. Apparently one of his new plants breathes fire and burned him.
    Age 7: Broken arm. He was running from Master Yoda and tripped. Master Yoda is early this year with his ritual.
    Age 7 : Treated for poisonous bites. Warned him several times about not playing with poisonous things in the gardens but all I received for my effort was an evil look as he left.
    Age 7: Shots. Broke the healer apprentices arm when she tried to tie him down. Insisted that all healers are "out to get him."
    Age 8: Broken arm. Refused to say how it happened, just demanding for it to be fixed. I caught Mace Windu laughing at him as he left the Healers wing. Wonder just what is going on between those two.
    Age 8: Broken fingers by getting two of them caught in lift tube door. Even the Temple building fixtures are out to get the kid.
    Age 8: Fell down the stairs thanks to Master Yoda. Miraculously uninjured other than a few bumps and scrapes.
    Age 8: Kidnapped while out on initiate training trip. Returned four days later half-starved and bruised.
    Age 8: Treated for nightmares about being kidnapped. This being the one time I find myself having some sympathy for Qui- Pain Jinn. Assured him that he was still loved and Force assisted him to sleep.
    Age 9: Shots. Two healers have broken wrists.
    Age 9: Broken left ankle thanks to Master Yoda.
    Age 9: Broken wrist. Fell out of a tree he was climbing in the gardens.
    Age 9: Flu. Easily treated -- for once. Last visit for the rest of the year, thank the Force.



  19. female_obi_wan Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 1, 2002
    star 3
    EDITH. Mwah. ;)

    Great job you two. Eagerly awaiting the rest. :D
  20. CapNJaxWench Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 4, 2004
    star 1
    This is the funniest thing I've read in a long, long time. Reminds me of my nephews!
  21. Kynstar Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 2, 2004
    star 5
    *snrk* last visit for the year - thank the Force
    Now that was hilarious hehehe
    Sad about him being kidnapped...makes ya wonder on that one as to what happend.

    Great lil thang you got going on here :D
  22. Durhelediel Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Mar 5, 2004
    star 3
    rotflmbooooooooo

    Master, you are a riot!! You two have done wonderfully well.

    ::wonders if some of Qui-Gon's adult files will be hauntingly familiar...:: lol

    More! More!
  23. goingunder Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2003
    star 3
    very good, i love the idea of knowing what all sickness one of my favorite characters went through :D
  24. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Edit -- Here is a link to the original Healer's Record of Obi-Wan Kenobi by Neon Star :) It is in the Classic Board Forum.

    A Healer's Record of Obi-Wan Kenobi by Neon Star.

    And now on to replies!

    female_obi_wan Hey ya! I see you did stumble in here .. thanks !

    CapNJaxWench Thanks! I'm sure we all have somebody somewhere that this fic will remind us of...hehe. Glad you enjoyed it :) More to come later...

    Kynstar That was just a little bunny I'd had ages ago. I might develop it .. might not. Not sure yet. Thanks for reading! I think you've reviewed all of my stories now.. thanks!!


    Durhelediel I TOLD you you would like it. Always listen to your Master ;) Oh yes the adult files will be um well hehee...

    goingunder I think we all seem to enjoy that! Glad you liked it!
  25. KSkywalker Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Aug 7, 1998
    star 3
    Age 2: Fell out of a tree in the gardens and broke his leg. How in the Force did a two-year-old climb that high?


    Some two year olds have NO fear! My Nephew is one of them! It's a miracle he hasn't broken anything yet!




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