Saga Heart of the Innocent - Diary of a young boy OC - Completed 1-2-10

Title: Heart of the Innocent - The Refugee Diary of Jhaydan Dallows
Author: Jaidyn_Knightfall
Genre: Diary
Characters: Jhaydan Dallows, Rhysiah Dallows (OCs), other OCs
Timeframe: Six years after RotS
Notes: This is one of my OCs from a story I've been writing for a very long time. I decided to fill out his backstory a little bit more and came up with this. It's written as a 7-8 year old boy might write, so just be aware of that...
Oh, and I didn't realize the similarity between his name and my screen name until a few days ago, when it was too late to change either of them. Oops!

PM list:

Lolly_Tolly
VaderLVR64
Jinngerbread
CrystalSaber_1
jazjediundercover
CPL_Macja
CloneCaptainRex
earlybird-obi-wan
kataja

If anyone wants to be added or removed, just let me know!



--

Hi.

My name is Jhaydan Dallows, and I'm seven years old. I live at a refugee camp on Ettara II. I used to live on Naboo with my Mom and my Dad and my brothers and sisters, but I don't anymore. Now I just live here with my Mom and my sister Rhysi. Rhysi's name is really Rhysiah, but I don't call her that. I just call her Rhysi. She's a lot older than me, but she still lets me play with her sometimes. I don't know what my Mom's name is. I keep meaning to ask her, but I always forget. Rhysi probably knows, though.

I don't have any friends here. There are no other kids my age, and all of the old people don't want to be around me. Except for Master Tu'la. He likes me and teaches me really fun games sometimes.

Rhysi gave me this old datapad to play with. She said to play with it instead of bothering her, and I did what she said, but I don't think she really meant it. I'll go see what she's up to now.

--

 

Poor Rhysi. She's probably going to be quite annoyed. This sounds really interesting.

If you're keeping a PM list, please add me!

 

This promises to be very good! Please add me to your PM list.

 

Oh! I have readers! I completely forgot to come back and check!

Thank you so much for reading. This is the first time I've worked up the courage to post something I've written, and it means a lot to me to receive feedback.

Lolly_Tolly: Yes, she probably will be. I like to imagine Jhaydan almost as a cute little brother. Someone else's cute little brother. They're always so much cuter when you don't have to deal with them all the time. Thank you for reading!

VaderLVR64: Thank you for your encouragement!

The updates that I write will be short, mainly because I can't picture a seven-year old boy writing long diary entries, but I'm planning on updating this once a week. I don't mind sending PMs out, but I haven't been on the boards very long and I'm not quite sure how to do that yet so bear with me and I will try my best!

Again, thanks for reading. I'll post an update either on Thursday or Saturday.

 

Awwww what a cute little youngling, he sounds like a very sweet character. I think you've captured a young voice very well!

I'd like to be on your update list too. Sending PM's is fairly simple. Here's an example from my screen right now:


Jedi Council Forums » Fan Fiction » The Saga »
Logged in as: Jinngerbread | Logoff | Private Messages | My Board Info | Search | Options | Help | New Boards | Harassment Policy | Rules of the JC | TOS | Markup Codes

All you have to do is to click on the part that says "private messages" and you should see a section that looks like this:


Logged in as: Jinngerbread | Logoff | Private Messages | My Board Info | Search | Options | Help | New Boards | Harassment Policy | Rules of the JC | TOS | Markup Codes
Active Topics | Users Online | New Users | New Boards | Top Boards | # Boards: 367 | # Messages: 26,367,506 (3,083 today)
New Message | Unread Messages | Read Messages | Sent Messages
No unread messages were found.

Click on the bit that says "New message" and fill out as follows. If you need more help don't be afraid to ask!

 

Aww how cute! I love it!
If you're doing a PM list, please add me!

 

Jinngerbread: Thank you for the help! I'm going to follow your advice as soon as I get through posting this and hope I don't mess it up somehow! I enjoy writing the updates for this, and I'm glad you think I write children well. My only problem is after I've worked on this for awhile, I can't write anything that doesn't have a run-on sentence or bad grammar in it!

CrystalSaber_1: Thanks for the encouragement!


I'll be posting the next update in a minute.

 

--

Hi.

Rhysi did mean it. She got really mad when I went to see her, so I'm back here with my datapad. I wish I had someone else to play with.

Why doesn't Rhysi want to play with me? I share my toys with her, and I don't get mad at her when she makes me play house instead of spaceships. Well, not too mad, anyway. I don't like playing house. I don't see why girls like playing house. It's so much more fun to play spaceships or something like that where you can pretend to blow things up.

Maybe I'll go see Master Tu'la. Mom says not to bother him too much, but I don't think I bother him when I go over to his house. I think he likes it when I play with him. He might even teach me some more cool tricks! He does that sometimes, if I ask him nicely.

--

 

This is pretty nice, Jaidyn. It's got that simple, yet to the point feeling you'd expect from a little kid's writing.

I hope Jhaydan finds a friend soon. When you're a kid, life's always at least a million times more fun and exciting when you have a friend around to do things with.

And this master sounds interesting. I wonder if he'll one day give him the whole "I was once a Jedi Knight" speech that Obi-Wan gave Luke in ANH, or somthing similar.

Specterace

 

Awww he's so cute!! I don't blame him, playing house is boring.

Yet I did it as a kid, and I also played spaceships. LOL.

What can I say, I was a mixture of the two. Nice job!

Oh one more thing, you might want to edit your title bar to show when you've updated. The PM's you sent worked perfectly. To edit the title bar, just go to your first post and hit edit, and that should do it. Let me know if you need anything else! I'm always just a PM away.

 

Aw. Poor Jhayden. He's all alone!

Well done with the PM, and thank-you!

 

Aw, poor Jhayden! No one to play with!
I thought it was cute how he preffered blowing things up instead of playing house. That's so how little boys think!
Great update!

 

Can you put me on the PM list? I like the sound of this.

 

Specterace: Thank you! I'm trying to write this like a little boy would, and I hope it doesn't get too annoying to read. If Jhaydan finds a friend, though, I don't think he would spend very much time writing, which would kill this whole diary idea! And I don't think I'll have the master tell Jhaydan that he's a Jedi, just because this is set during the time of the Empire and little boys are usually not good at keeping secrets (as you'll find out later).

Jinngerbread: I was that way, too. Playing house was pretty boring. Thank you for the help with the title bar. I didn't realize that you edited it from the first post, so I edited it on my update post and didn't check to see if it worked. Thanks for setting me straight!

Lolly_Tolly: You're welcome! I'm glad you like it!

CrystalSaber_1: Thank you! I'm kind of modeling Jhaydan's actions after my little brother's when he was younger, so it's been really fun. I like writing children.

jazjediundercover: Of course I can. Thank you for reading!


PM List:
Lolly_Tolly
VaderLVR64
Jinngerbread
CrystalSaber_1
jazjediundercover

If I've forgotten anybody, or if you want to be added, just let me know!

 

--

Hi.

Master Tu'la let me play with him. He played catch with me all afternoon, and he never once missed catching the ball! I always drop it because I have small hands, but Master Tu'la didn't get mad at me. He just told me that I did well and to try again. Someday, I'm going to catch the ball every time, just like Master Tu'la. I want to be just like him when I grow up!

Mom is calling me for dinner now. I hope I like what she made. Sometimes she's not a very good cook. I don't think I'll complain even if I don't like it because Mom might get mad and tell me to make dinner by myself next time, and then I really won't like what we're having. No one else will, either. At least we have food to eat now. When we first came here, there wasn't enough food for everyone to eat and everyone was hungry. That wasn't fun at all. So I think I'll eat what Mom cooked, even if I don't like it.

--

 

Mom is calling me for dinner now. I hope I like what she made. Sometimes she's not a very good cook. I don't think I'll complain even if I don't like it because Mom might get mad and tell me to make dinner by myself next time, and then I really won't like what we're having.

Moms are the same all over the galaxy!

 

Very nice. I love they way you portray the child's point of view.

 

VaderLVR64: Yes, they are! Unfortunately, I wrote that part from previous experience with my mom. Thank you for reading!

jazjediundercover: Thank you! I like writing from a child's point of view, so I'm glad I'm doing it well. Thanks for reading!

 

--

Hi.

Rhysi played with me today! Well, kind of. She took me with her to her friend's house, and they made cookies for the whole camp. I didn't know they were for the whole camp at first, so I tried to sneak a couple of cookies from the plate because I was really hungry, but I got caught and Rhysi didn't believe me when I said I was just going to borrow them. Why didn't she believe me, I wonder?

I got to go with them when they handed the cookies out. Everyone was really happy to get them, and it made me glad that I hadn't taken any. If I had, there wouldn't have been enough for everyone. When we got back, Mom told Rhysi and me that she was very proud of us. I told her I hadn't taken any cookies, and she said that was very noble of me. I'm glad she thought I was noble.

What does noble mean?

--

 

Awwww, LOL I don't blame him for trying to steal cookies, they're delicious enough to do such.

Drat, now look you've made me want some!

And he said he just wanted to borrow them? LOL, ew, I wouldn't want any borrowed cookies returned!

 

What does noble mean?

Aww poor boy.

You've made me hungry for cookies at breakfast now!

 

Aw...Jhaydan trying to "borrow" cookies
I have to agree with Jinngerbread...I wouldn't want to have any borrowed cookies back!

 

Edit: posted the same thing twice accidentally

 

What does noble mean?

Wonderful!

 

Jinngerbread: Well, it wasn't quite my intent to make everybody want cookies, but hey, whatever works. And yeah, I wouldn't want someone to give me back the cookies they'd ?borrowed?, either. That would be really gross! Thank you for reading!

jazjediundercover: I sometimes feel sorry for young children when adults use ?big words? around them and expect them to know what they mean. And cookies for breakfast can be good... Thanks for reading!

CrystalSaber_1: I agree ? I wouldn't want them back either! Thanks for reading and (double) replying!

VaderLVR64: Thank you for your encouragement!


I'm going to start updating this on Wednesdays instead of Thursdays. I just started a new semester at college, and I have more time on Wednesdays than Thursdays to update. So for this week, the next update is a day early!