Beyond Heaven Falls: A Jedi On Earth Fanfic Award Nom Complete!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Darth_Marrs, Jan 12, 2007.

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  1. Ultima_1 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    May 16, 2001
    star 5
    Smart move by the Ori. Must have been an idea from the Romulans :p

    I take it that the Captain Reed who died on the Enterprise means that we probably aren't getting a Malcolm Reed in the future now.

    Are the new species you mentioned ones you made yourself or are they from one of the many universes (one more now if I'm not mistaken) that you are using in this?
  2. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Uh oh. I got a little behind againg. :oops: [face_blush]

    But I'm still LOVING this story, so please keep me on the PM list!

    =D=
  3. L0B0 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2008
    star 2
    =D= =D= =D= =D= =D=



    Wow. :eek:



    That update was completely awsome. :cool:



    I'm still geekin' out about it. :-B





    First of all, the space combat scenes were excellent as always. I thought that the description of the engagements was as good as anything you have presented so far. It was a great deal of fun to read.

    I especially liked the dialog between the allied forces at Dakara, and the way that you briefly focused on the death of the Enterprise and her crew.

    The Shakespeare quote (more to the point, the timing of it) was pure gold. [face_idea]

    I think that inserting that particular quote, at that moment, contributed an exceptionally poignant and effective summary of the entire story. Well done. Very well done indeed.



    The best part by far was the shift of battle perception to Osric's perspective. That was totally brilliant. The image of the Jedi as fierce angels is one of my all time favorite hooks. I absolutely loved it.





    Seriously dude, this story rocks out loud. That's all there is to it. />
  4. skreed01 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2007
    star 1
    I have'nt posted a reply in a while cause I have been away. But great couple of chapters you have really developed everyone nicely. Love the Adria Daniel coupleing, though that is in my opinion obviously headed for an explosion. Rodney McKay and Tess Harper, either she will kill him, or give him many many babies, probably the earlier in reality. I hope you don't forget Rodney's sister, after all don't forget she is way smarter the he ever will be. Loved the inclusion of Jack's Clone from the series. Would love to see more of Cam Mitchel. Let us not forget it has been hinted in the series that he is possibly O'Neils son from when they Time warped back to the sixties. That is of course how the ancient sword in the cave in england worked for him as well as in the Camelot Villiage. The Inclusion of the Hosnock from Next Gen is great. You hit the nail right on the head with them. I do however have a few minor points of contension, that you may want to look into correcting or adjusting for future chapters. One I would have mentioned earlier but I presumed someone else might but so far they have'nt so I guess I will. And I only mention them because I am from a Military family so I am familiar with this stuff.

    First off, Jack O'Niel, as laid back as he may have been in the series with some military protocal this he would never and has never been. His official Rank in your storyline is the Fleet Admiral of the UEC as I take it. No junior officer in any military branch should be calling him by just Admiral, if he has Five Stars they should be addressing him as Fleet Admiral O'Niel per proper military decorum. Now if he has only Four Stars than he should be Addressed as Admiral. But he should Never be Addressed as Just Admiral. The Prime Minister may get away with it ( as he is Jacks Superior ) but nobody else. Another thing, I noticed you have been useing the rank of Commodore a lot in the last couple of chapters. I don't know if you may be aware of this or not, but specifically speaking, That Rank no longer exisits in many Naval services. Especially not in Active Line duty officers such as ship or Fleet commanders. Mostly the rank is a political appointment reserved for the Admiralty Board ( they are the board that set the maritime law's and regulations for both national and international services and shipping, international board being set by the UN currently ), as well as the Head of the US Coast Guard. The lowest active duty Flag Rank in the Navy is Captain, with the Next up being Rear Admiral so forth and so on. Now some may point out that in The original Trek series Gene Rodenberry used the Rank of Commodore several times. This was latter corrected as the series started getting military Advisors to help correct the Many grievous errors in protocal that they saw in the series. Anyway still a great story look forward to the future updates.

    Sean
  5. PunkMaister Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 2006
    star 1
    Actually there is only one different new species which is again from ST, the Ashen are just another group of humans that happen to have advanced technology on their side...

    Anyhow awesome update!=D= I can imagine the newscasts now!

    "And this just end, the UEC is now fighting the enemy on 2 fronts at 2 different planets as we speak, it seems the enemy have new allies and thus more ships than ever before, this one is going to be though, stay tuned for further updates!";)
  6. Jedi-2B Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2000
    star 4
    I can see where the villagers would view the newcomers as angels with magic. Great descriptions throughout, as usual. =D=
  7. skreed01 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2007
    star 1
    Ok, Spoke with one of my Cousins currntly serving in the Navy and he gave me a bit more info, sortof an addition/correction. Here it goes, while the Navy no longer uses the Rank of Commodore anymore ( rank was eliminated in 1985 and changed to Rear Admiral Lower Half, and for the record only Four navys worldwide currently have it in use as an active rank ) the Title of Commodore is still in use. It is reserved for senior Captians placed in charge of Cruiser or Destroyer Groups operateing independtly from an Admirials Flagship. The Captain is during that time only addressed as Commodore while still retaining and wearing the Rank of Captain. But Their is Only, and I repeat this Only ONE Commodore per taskforce. This prevents confuseing and conflicting orders from being issued between commands. And only the Most Senior of Captains is to be given this title and only by the Admiral in Charge of said overall Taskforce. I.E. The Enterprise Battlegroup ( current aircraft carrier group ) has an Admiral on board the Enterprise but some of their escort ships are needed elsewhere, the senior Captain is given the title of Commodore by the Admiral and placed in command of that spefic group of ships while they are away from the Enterprises Battlegroup. The title is imediately relenquished upon their return to the battlegroup. Therefore a Captain in command of a lone Command Carrier would not be addressed as Commodore, nor would you have two or three Commodores in the same attacking force, and their would Never be a Commodore, when an Admirial is present. Here is a link my cousin directed me to. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Commodore_%28United_States%29

    Peace Out

    Sean
  8. TigerofRobare Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2006
    star 3
    Talk about the darkest hour. How defended is Earth? I wonder in 2-300 years when ToS and TNG take place if the primal civs they visit have legends about this war.
  9. PunkMaister Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 2006
    star 1
    Can you imagine the toys they would come up in 300 years with the merging of SG, SW and ST tech?:p


    Oh noes no update this week!:_|
  10. Darth_Marrs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2006
    star 4
    Ultima_1?They can be wily buggers when they try. As for Reed, it is indeed an ancestor, so there will be no Malcom, just as T?Pol?s ancestor was killed in the Battle of Vulcan. As for OC races, there are none. Every race in the story appears in one verse or another.

    VaderLVR64?No problems, I?m just happy to have you reading!

    LOBO?I?m glad you liked it. This is the beginning of the end. There will be plenty of fighting to come, I promise, but we?re on the slide down to the final conflict. It?s funny that I?ve used Han Shintre in much the same way I used Piett in Gods of Dark and Light. Guess I have a thing for Imperial admirals. And I admit that I enjoyed writing from Osric?s perspective more than any other section. It was fun, and I?m glad it worked for you!

    Skreed01?No worries. Thanks for the input on the appropriate address for the Fleet Admiral. It?s noted. The use of commodore in actually a nod to Star Trek, since as you noted it?s a popular rank in the ST verse for some reason. ;)

    PunkMaister?Absolutely right, the Ashen are a particularly nasty group of humans from the SG verse.

    Jedi-2B?Thank you. Have I mentioned what a good beta reader I had for this story?

    Skreed01?That extra bit on commodores was my understanding, but it?s good to get it confirmed by a more reliable source. Thanks for following up on it!

    TigerofRobare?You might actually get a chance to see. Maybe.

    PunkMaister?You never know ;) And I?m late because of the holidays, but never fear. The post is on it?s way!
  11. Darth_Marrs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2006
    star 4


    Chapter Seventy-Five: The Quest for the Holy Grail

    Merlin?s Planet High Orbit
    Monday, August 25, 6 CE (2008 A.D.)
    5:32 p.m. GMT.

    The Hosnock roared and leapt forward five meters in a single, inhumanly strong leap directly at Hanna Volper.

    The fourteen-year-old Jedi padawan yelped like any teenage girl would. Then, unlike most teenage girls, she launched herself into a spinning somersault with her blue lightsaber flashing down so perfectly it cleaved the attacking creature?s head in half, killing it before it even landed.

    She came to her feet, ducked under the swing of another Hosnock?s melee weapon, and dispatched it as well.

    A strong Force-grip caught her before she could engage her third target and pulled her back just as the blast of a Romulan tank seared the air she occupied moments before and slammed into a Commonwealth All Terrain Attack Craft. The AT-AC, patterned off Imperial scout walkers only squatter, more heavily armored and armed, bounced back under the blast. It spun its quad laser cannons around and returned fire.

    The Romulan tank hovered backward, but the AT-AC?s target tracking compensated and pelted the tank repeatedly. Despite the punishment, the tank was able to get a final shot off before exploding. The second shot ruptured the AT-AC?s thick armor and the bipedal walker exploded and toppled over into the trees.

    Hannah picked herself up and looked back at Liz Evans, who saved her life between deflecting half a dozen disrupter blasts and beheading two Hosnock. She glanced further down the battle line and saw John O?Neill and Cassie Frasier fighting side by side, unconsciously synching their moves together as only those who had bonded could do. They would deny it until they were blue in the face, but the way they were able to read each other?s movements and anticipate each other?s decisions proved they were far closer than they claimed.

    Around her, Commonwealth marines fired in increasingly tight quarters against the Ori-loyal ground forces. Most of the enemy soldiers were Hosnock and Romulan, but there were also a fair number of Ori-loyal humans and more than a few converted Jaffa as well.

    Men screamed in pain and explosions ruptured the air. Overhead, an F-501 lost its wing to a Romulan fighter and spun into the trees, where it exploded. The Romulan fighter then lurched and exploded mid-air as another F-501 flanked by two Predator-class TIE fighters streaked across the sky.

    ?Mitchell!? Liz called.

    ?What!? one of the marines cried back.

    ?We?ve got to hold!?

    ?Tell the other guys that!? Mitchell shot back. ?I?m not going anywhere.?

    Hannah squatted down between a pair of marines, catching her breath. It struck her like a brick that she had almost just died. If not for Liz, she would have. She didn?t even sense the tank, since it had been targeting the AT-AC and not her. Behind them, she heard another pair of the walkers moving up to a better firing position, while scout bikes zipped through the trees.

    She was fourteen years old, fighting a host of aliens on a planet millions of miles away from her home. If her parents knew, they would faint dead away. Suddenly she grinned and remembered the last time she attended public school. If Bart Kriker from her old elementary school years ago knew what she was doing, he would die of jealously.

    ?Hannah, you with us?? one of the marines asked.

    She looked up, surprised. He was an officer, a captain perhaps twenty-six years of age. ?You know me??

    The captain grinned. ?Knight Evans' orders. We?re to keep an eye on all the padawans.?

    She grinned right back, relieved rather than upset that she wasn?t alone. ?You don?t argue with Liz when she?s in mother mode,? she agreed. Suddenly three Hosnock dropped from the trees directly in front of them, their wickedly curved melee weapons dripping blood. The Commonwealth soldiers learned quickly that while the Hosnock carried deadly disruptor weapons, the creatures preferred to spill blood personally.

    Hannah?s fear rose up
  12. skreed01 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2007
    star 1
    Glad to see Daniel finally rejoin the Jedi Ranks. Excellant Chapter, can't wait for the next chapter. Glad my info helped you out.
  13. TigerofRobare Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2006
    star 3
    That was a great chapter! Especially since one of the last episodes of Stargate I saw was the one where the find the Holy Grail. MacKay is so funny.
  14. L0B0 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2008
    star 2
    For a second there, I thought Liz was a goner for sure. Then again, I didn't see the explosives coming, and evidently neither did the priors. I think your ground battle scenes have come a long way in this fic, and you are doing a great job of the action with the ground-pounders.



    The whole section on Merlin's planet was familiar to me because I actually saw some of the relevant Stargate episodes. Of course, the twist at the end with Daniel and Adria was better than the original. As a matter of fact, having Adria so supremely ticked off at Danny-boy may be helpful to the war effort by keeping her preoccupied with pursuing him instead of concentrating on the bigger picture.
    Heck, I even found myself actually enjoying the banter between Tess & Rodney.



    The last part really has me intrigued though. What is this? Evolution of the Asgard? In every sense of the word? I can hardly wait to see what they are capable of now.
    The only thing that really worries me is that the Jedi are stretched pretty thin right now and some are in very vulnerable positions. That, and the fact that there haven't been any major-character deaths in a while...

  15. Jedi-2B Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2000
    star 4
    What the padawans are able to do at such young ages, such as Hannah, makes the accomplishments of Ben Skywalker more believable for me. I guess that should be the other way around, but some fanfic is more 'canon' to me than the pro stuff.

    Have I mentioned what a good beta reader I had for this story?

    Yeah, I believe you've mentioned it enough times now. LOL! You certainly can't put 'speedy beta reader' in there.
  16. Jedi_Aurelan_Carter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2007
    star 1
    Awesome update!!!
    I'm so glad that the Asgard aren't extinct or on the brink of extinction anymore!!!
    Way to go on giving the Asgard what they needed most!=D=
  17. PunkMaister Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 2006
    star 1

    Allow me to shed some light on the Asgard subject. In case you did not know the Asgard race was slowly but surely dying out because of genetic damage that they could not repair in the original timeline because they had no genetic siblings to speak off. In this story thanks to their siblings the Antarans. The Asgard have a whole new lease on life and even the possibility of Ascension if they so choose!

    Awesome update Marrs!=D= One thing though please do not kill off Archer ok? 'nuff massacring of ST characters have gone off already!

    Yes it is awesome that the Asgard are now back and in their prime again. You can thank their cousins the Antarans for that!;)

    Wait a minute! Marrs does this means that Thor now has the same power the Antarans wield? Is Thor now a force wielder?:eek:
  18. Darth_Marrs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2006
    star 4
    Skreed01?Couldn?t leave Danny boy hanging out with the bad guys forever. I like him too much.

    TigerofRobare?Thank you. I think McKay was an invaluable addition to the quest for the grail.

    LOBO?Liz is another I like to much. I might have to kill her just to get over it. Or not. I?m pretty easy. Thanks for the kind words. The ground combat in this story is much more immediate than anything in Gods of Dark and Light, and I believe that is because of the SG-1 element. Ground battles in OT SW had a surreal quality (and a stupid one if involving Ewoks). SG-1 went for close-up battles, probably because of budget. As for the Asgard, well, I did promise a reader early on that the Asgard do not die off in this story. And there was a specific reason why, back 500 pages ago, I noted that the Antarans and Asgard came from the same root species.

    Jedi-2B?I love Hannah. I would love to do a fanfic of nothing but Hannah. But I doubt anyone would read a OC-centric fanfic based an another fanfic that doesn?t have a huge number of readers to begin with. But oh well.

    Jedi_Aurelan_Carter?I was pretty pleased with that too, if I do say so myself.

    PunkMaister?Hehe. Hehehehehe. Thor and the rest of the Asgard are now essential a pre-Ascension civilization much as the Alterans were. If they chose to wield the Force, they probably could. But truthfully, I?m not sure they would find advantage in the Force over their fantastic symbiosis with technology. Still, it is a fun thought, isn?t it?
  19. Darth_Marrs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2006
    star 4

    Chapter Seventy-Six: The Crystal Cave

    Merlin?s Planet
    Monday, August 25, 6 CE (2008 A.D.)
    7:32 p.m. GMT.

    Liz limped backward as her lightsaber flashed across her eyes, deflecting disruptor and stave blasts. The Ori had reinforced their position in strength, and the Commonwealth forces had little choice but to retreat back through the woods.

    Three times Priors came against them, and three times the Jedi fought them off or killed them outright. The Prior Protocols second phase were a set of new anti-prior weapons that created disrupting energy fields that could temporarily strip priors of powers. Since they had to surround the priors to work, they only worked once.

    The second and third times they had to fight without aid. They won, but not without a price. Hanna Volper was evacuated from the front line with a stave wound to the chest. She was going to survive, but only if they were able to get off the rock. Cassie was fighting one handed due to a disrupter burn on her left shoulder.

    John O?Neill fought on her left side, making up for her wounds. And Liz had an out-right hole in her right thigh where a stave had managed momentarily to pierce her defenses.

    ?This sucks!? Mitchell called. His armor had long ago lost its charge and was now as white as storm trooper armor, save for the carbon scoring from repeatedly close calls. ?No contact from air cover in over an hour. We lost our last AT-AC with that last encounter and energy packs are falling low. We?re going to have to switch over to P-90s here in a bit if we don?t get some support.?

    Liz nodded?she needed no report to know they were in a losing position. Just half an hour ago, they all saw a massive bar of fire burning through the sky. She couldn?t identify exactly which ship it was, but she could see from the outline visible even with the naked eye that it was a Commonwealth destroyer that fell from the heavens. The resulting explosion just over the horizon had the destructive yield of a thermonuclear bomb and sent shockwaves for miles in every direction.

    At the time, Padawan O?Neill said, ?I hope it landed right on their port-o-potties!? It elicited a few smiles, but watching hundreds of their fellow humans die was not a laughing occasion.

    Now, they were running low on supplies and fighting a rearguard retreat through the woods. ?Fire in the hole,? a soldier called. Liz, Cassie and John all hit the deck as a round of automated mortar shells landed with computer precision on the approaching line of soldiers.

    ?We lose any more Jedi,? Colonel Cameron Mitchell said, ?we won?t have anything left to throw at the priors. You and the others need to back off the front lines.?

    It was a mark of her exhaustion and Cameron?s logic that Liz did not argue. Even with the Force as her ally, it had been a long time since she?d fought continuously for so long against an inexhaustible foe. Modern warfare was fast and lethal. But the followers of the Ori ignored half that equation, throwing away lives in order to continually push the Commonwealth Forces.

    She nodded to John and Cassie, and with Mitchell and a pair of marines fell back further into their shifting lines, until they reached the first of the transport trains. They found Hanna almost immediately, breathing lightly while Dr. Carolyn Lam and a medic worked on her chest.

    Liz stepped to her side. ?How are you doing??

    Hanna smiled weakly. ?Least they missed my boob. I just got the things; I?d be pretty upset if I had one burned off.?

    Nearby Cassie snorted and John looked embarrassed. Liz just laughed and leaned over to gently kiss the young padawan?s forehead. As much as her own children, Liz cherished Hanna. ?You?ll be all right. Go into a healing trance. We?ll protect you.?

    Hanna smiled up at Liz. ?I know you will.? She took as deep a breath as she could without wincing, and closed her eyes to sink into a deep, healing trance.

    Lam nodded with satisfaction. ?She wouldn?t go down before she saw you. Now that we have her in
  20. skreed01 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2007
    star 1
    Ah hah. So I take it with all those Jedi Helping out Merlin, than he won't nessacerily Die from attempting to creat the Sangral, aka the Ascension Killer. And you sneaked in info about the Wraith and Atlantis as well. Now they will probably have to send a team to go looking for it. Very nice, Hopefull Merlin will be sticking around for a bit after the sangral is complete to help the Jedi and Earth with the Ori. The Rodney and Tess romance is a nice twist, and with her telling him about her past, hopefully he will think twice before doing something stupid to get her really miffed at him. First rule of dateing a woman who can weild a lightsaber, Don't peave her off or she will cut off something VERY important to you. Sitting on pins and needles for the next chapter. Peace Out.

    Sean
  21. L0B0 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2008
    star 2
    I've said it before and I'll say it again: Asgard calvary makes me want to smile :D
    I do recall you mentioning that the Asgard & Antarans shared evolutionary heritage, so it should be interesting to see the ramifications of that as the story reaches its climax.


    What Daniel says makes alot of sense, especially with the revelation that Morgan (aka Oma) has been guiding him to Merlin. Now that the Sangral has been reconstructed, all bets are off.


    *goes to make popcorn and wait impatiently for the next exciting update*
  22. PunkMaister Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 2006
    star 1
    Umm... No! Oma Desala and Morgana Lafei are 2 different and distinct individuals my friend...

    This was a truly superb update!=D= I really love the angle you are taking on Adria, as we all know she was always a tragic sort of character becauase she was never really given a choice as to what she could be or not, instead she was created altered and bred by the Ori to be their vessel but the human part of her longs for the most basic human needs she wants her mother, she wants to be loved etc. In the original timeline she was denied of this so I'm glad she is really getting hands on experience on what this things really are. Still the question remains can she be turned? And if so would it kill her just as it does the Priors?

  23. TigerofRobare Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2006
    star 3
    Finally! Tess and Rodney are getting together! I've been waiting for this for a long time. Their children are going be Mentat Jedi or something.
  24. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Wow! I had a lot ot get caught up on. [face_blush] I always seem to be a day late and a credit short when it comes to getting over here on time. My apologies! I'll just say that you're crafting a truly remarkable tale.

    =D=
  25. Darth_Marrs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2006
    star 4
    Skreed01?Indeed. The Wraith and Atlantis are not integral to the story, but they do make an appearance. I?ve noticed with Rodney and Tess that people either really like it, or are absolutely repulsed.

    Lobo?I love Asgard cavalry. FYI, I?m still getting that PM error. I apologize for the inconvenience. I?m have the same problem with Darth Draconus.

    PunkMaister?Indeed they are. And I appreciate your support on make Adria more than a two-dimensional villain. As for the ending, well, you?ll just have to wait and see.

    TigerofRobare?Yes they are, and very quickly as well. And Mentat Jedi? ROFLAO. I almost snorted Dr. Pepper on my keyboard!

    VaderLVR64?No worries, we?re approaching the end of the story and after a year of posting your still reading along. Thank you!!



    I also had a mix up with my PM lists today, so if you got something for my other fic, my apologies.
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