Beyond Heaven Falls: A Jedi On Earth Fanfic Award Nom Complete!

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by Darth_Marrs, Jan 12, 2007.

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  1. dajohu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 16, 2006
    star 1
    Wow, loved the chapter, sad to see several characters die, but that's war for you. Great job!

    -dajohu
  2. L0B0 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2008
    star 2
    NOOOOOOOOooooooooo!!!!!!

    *sniff*

    Anybody but Isabel. That really breaks my heart. :_|

    I feel partly responsible, seeing as how I specifically asked you to spare her...[face_worried]





    I must say though, Daniel did exactly what I thought he would do. Now let's see if he can survive it.
  3. Talon_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 3, 2003
    star 4
    Didn't expect Sidney to die, or Is. But like your last story, everyone is fair game.
  4. TigerofRobare Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2006
    star 3
    My God, what a terrible battle. A well-written one, but terrible nontheless--I could feel everything about war that makes me hate it.
  5. PunkMaister Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 2006
    star 1
    Yes War is indeed terrible but sometimes necesary never the less which is why we should always, always be grateful to those that put their lifes on the line so we enjoy the freedoms that we have and a lot of times take for granted, God bless our boys and girls in the armed forces and may God be with them![face_flag]
    Marss that chapter was truly moving, I can imagine now the honorary marches latter on and the battle is not even over yet!:( Anyhow great update man!=D=

    In regards to the Hyperdrive debacle while I understand your reluctance to allow the Coruscans even the use of an intragalactic SGverse hyperdrive for fear that they could thinker with it and turn it into an intergalactic one you know very well that it is impossible to keep this out of their hands forever and if they do not get the tech thru official channels it will be thru illicit ones or even thru spionage or something like that but get it they will as surely as the Soviets got ahold of the US nuclear bomb secrets and since even allied countries such as France have been known to spy commercially is not that much of a stretch. Just something to keep in mind, I await like the rest the conclusion of this wonderful story!;)
  6. excellion_razor Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Feb 13, 2006
    star 1
    Wow great chapter. I haven't posted for a while as I was out of town for 6 weeks for school. Glad that I have finally had the opportunity to catch up. Great story. Love it. Sorry to see so many Earth ships die as soon as they leave space dock (or it seems that way-happens that way in SG-1 and SG-Atlantis as well). Keep up the great work. Can't wait to see the confrontation between Adria and Daniel.
  7. Darth_Marrs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2006
    star 4
    Dajohu?You said it exactly. I actually have a story of how characters were killed off.

    Lobo?No worries about responsibility?this part was written a couple of months ago. The story is done, save for some tweaking at the very end. And it literally could have been anybody.

    Talon_Kenobi?You?re right that anybody was fair game. At the end of this post I?ll tell you how characters were killed.

    TigerofRobare?I wanted this battle of have more immediacy that the ending space battle of GOD&L, so I put more characters in cockpits. And since this story had a larger cast of central characters, it had a larger field of potential tragedy.

    PunkMaister?I?m always glad for feedback and I respect all opinions, especially from very good, long term readers (yes, you know who you are ;)). I believe I?ve addressed the hyperspace question sufficiently and don?t intend to address it again. As always, thanks for reading!

    Excellion_Razor?Life is life. Believe me, I understand. I?m glad to have you back?you picked a good time to come looking.


    So, how I picked characters who were going to die. I assigned every Jedi in a fighter a number, and I rolled a pair of dice. Literally. It could have been anybody, from Michael to Max, because I wanted to capture some element of the randomness of war and wanted to try and write from that point on in an honest way. In a way, I?m almost sorry it wasn?t Max, since that would have been devastating to the Jedi Order to lose their second and their natural reader. So, there you go. The battle continues.
  8. Darth_Marrs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2006
    star 4


    Chapter Eighty-Three: The Battle of Romulus ? Part 2

    Median Orbit Between Remus and Romulus
    Thursday, September 4, 6 CE (2008 A.D.)
    3:12 p.m.GMT


    ?I knew I would see you again,? Daniel said.

    Adria stood stunned motionless for a moment. In the instant of her hesitation, three objects appeared around her, followed by more Jedi.

    ?You fool,? she whispered, her rage burning away her surprise. ?You had your chance to kill me. But that moment is gone.? She reached inside to summon her fire, and then froze in shock.

    The power was not there.

    Quickly the Terrans either killed or incapacitated the bridge crew as Daniel continued to stare at Adria. ?It took the best minds in the Commonwealth Alliance to design those devices,? Daniel said as he pointed to the three disc-shaped objects around her. ?The Sangraal helped. At first the Jedi experimented with it against Priors at Andoria. We learned that certain frequencies of electromagnetic energy interfered with a Prior?s abilities but did not affect the Jedi. But it was temporary and a Prior could overcome it in time. But when we had the Sangraal and were able to truly study it, even if only for a few days, we realized we could do so much more. Unlike the Force, your powers flow from another dimension of space-time. This device generates an energy wave at the exact opposite frequency. Right now, my love, you are no more than human.?

    Adria strode forward, and with a perfectly human gesture, slapped Daniel across the face.

    ?Ouch,? Admiral O?Neill said. ?You don?t do so good with the women, do you, Daniel??

    Adria spun about. ?What blasphemy is this?? she hissed. Then she saw the rest?four Jedi, along with the Admiral and a little man she recognized from Merlin?s planet as a scientist all defiled her bridge. Her eyes turned to the crew status readout where she saw that the entire crew and compliment of her ship had been beamed into space.

    Her eyes then drifted back to the scientist, and the object in his hands. ?You think my masters will let you ever use that device?? she sneered. ?They wait even now, sensing everything we do. Atom by atom they will obliterate this ship as it goes through the gate. You have no hope.?

    ?There?s always hope,? Daniel said.

    ?We?d better hurry,? Siana said. ?The ship?s been secured.?

    Daniel stepped past Adria while Siana, Tess Harding and Dana Scully stepped to each open side of the triangle formed around the Orici by the anti-prior devices. They had their sabers out and were ready to cut at a moment?s notice.

    ?Why don?t you just kill me?? Adria demanded.

    ?Two reasons,? Daniel said as he began working over the navigational controls of the Ori ship. ?One, I love you. Two, we need some method of determining if this works or not.?

    In the battle beyond, the Odyssey quickly cloaked and disappeared. The other Ori cruisers did not respond as the Orici?s personal ship withdrew five thousand meters from the supergate. The intervention of the other cruisers into the front line had the immediate effect of slowing the Commonwealth advance, and so the Orici was obviously pleased.

    When the supergate began dialing, it was assumed by the Ori fleet that other ships would soon be joining the battle from the Ori universe. The Ori soldiers, loyal and faithful, did not understand the basic one-way physics of stargate wormholes. The Priors in their ships did not dare assume anything. While they were higher servants of the Ori than ordinary men, the Orici was higher still; higher even than the Doci himself, who remained behind to command the production of vessels in their home galaxy.

    The seventh and eight chevrons of the supergate locked. The seventh locked in an ordinary address; the eighth projected the gate for great distance. The gate, which had been assembled and powered by a now dead planet in a neighboring system before being transported to Romulus, burst into life as a massive whirlpool of energy surged out toward the other ships. Several fighters, Ori and Co
  9. L0B0 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2008
    star 2
    Great stuff once again, Marrs. I thought for sure the Odyssey and her crew were goners.

    Having Kyle come back and shield Daniel during the Sangraal attack was pretty cool, but I thought Adria and Daniel would die together in the end. No way did I think that Daniel would risk killing her like that.
    Q showing up in a StarFleet uniform was a nice touch.

    At least Siana & Jack survived. Those two characters really made this fic what it is.





    I have read many stories on this board, but out of them all I think Heaven Falls would make for a great movie. You have a great talent for constructing excellent action scenes which still capture the drama and suspense of the moment. In every one of your fics that I have read, the characters just jump off the page at me, and you make it so easy to visualize the moment with the descriptions portrayed by your writing style. This is great fun to read, but I am sure that it would be even more amazing to watch. Perhaps you should try writing a screenplay sometime... />
  10. skreed01 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2007
    star 1
    All I can say is, WWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
  11. sdhfs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    May 22, 2004
    star 4

    great great GREAT story, their might be a few posts left to go but all i can say is fantastic, one of the best ever wrote, loved it from start to finish.
  12. PunkMaister Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Oct 12, 2006
    star 1
    Frankly is a crime to burn a bussom such as this:
    [image=http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v402/RJLCyberPunk/WeBsite%20Images/Adria2.jpg]

    with a lightsaber but I guess she gave Daniel no choice in the end, great update Marrs sobering but still awesome I guess all that is left is the epiloge basically.
  13. Darth_Drachonus Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 4, 2005
    star 3
    I keep making sure all my messages from you have been opened. I don't have a single message unopened from you and yet each time I ask to be added, you can't send me a message. Something's amiss on these boards methinks. So I ask this: If you have all of this on a word doc or note doc, would you be so kind as to email it to me? I'll provide my email address in a private message upon receiving your answer
  14. dajohu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 16, 2006
    star 1
    Awesome update. I really liked how you wrapped up the battle and I'm glad you didn't kill too many of the main characters yet. Anyway, I've enjoyed everything so far.

    -dajohu
  15. Jedi-2B Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Nov 2, 2000
    star 4
    Finally finding a few minutes to post a reply, even though you already know that I think this is a fantastic story. I guess it was hard for you when Isabel's number came up on the roll of the dice, since you like Katherine Heigel so much. At least you had a 'spare' in Isobel, though!

    Good luck in the Awards voting. :D
  16. skreed01 Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Jun 15, 2007
    star 1
    Just finished re reading this chapter, and I have a question. Did the Q continuim Just elavate Kyle Katarn into thier Ranks? Possibly as a reward for offering up his immortality to destroy the Ori, and Save the Universe? Gotta admit that would be kinda cool. Plus it may help them to eventually evolve up beyond their current station. But the collest part would be Kyle as a Q.:D
  17. leilanijoy Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Mar 11, 2008
    I just finished a three day marathon read and all I can say is WOW! Even though I didn't know of all the characters you've pulled me in hook line and sinker. I think once I get caught up on Stargate Atlantis I'm going to see if I can find Roswell, it sounds quite interesting. I had to laugh at your extremely accurate description of Clines Corner "a large truck stop called Clines Corner" it's so true! Pretty please add me to your PM list?
  18. Jedi_Aurelan_Carter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Apr 2, 2007
    star 1
    =D= WOW Marrs...Awesome, it's amazing the way you write battles, I can see them in my mind's eye, they are so descriptive...I just finished watching the first season of Roswell, and I'm sad that Isabel had to die, but I'm just glad it wasn't Sheppard, Max, or Cassie...yes I'm biased...But one again great update, and I cant wait for the epiloge to tie up any loose strings =P~
  19. Darth_Marrs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2006
    star 4
    Lobo?I briefly considered having them all die. I really did. But I feared my Beta would beat me to death, and so I let them live. The whole confrontation with Adria and Kyle in Part IV was for this one moment?Kyle had to die and ascend for them to have any chance. Remember, Kyle successfully downloaded and retained the knowledge of the ancients. So he always knew about the Sangraal. Also, thank you very much for the kind words. I?m glad you?ve enjoyed my stories so far. I hope you continue to do so. I do have a few original novels?I definitely need to start submitting again.

    Skreed01?Thank you.

    Sdhfs?And thank you as well. We have two posts left. One to wrap up loose ends, and one to finally finish the journey.

    PunkMaister?I honestly can?t disagree. It was truly a beautiful bosom. In the original version, she said yes. But I realized upon reading it that it was disingenuous. It was the author forcing the outcome, rather than letting the characters run true. So, she said no. But the pivotal moment wasn?t her death. The pivotal moment was that split second after, when because of Daniel?s love, she chose NOT to ascend.

    Darth-Drachonus?Understood. I?m glad you could work with my suggested alternative. I have the same PM problem with LOBO as well. He put me on the watched-users alert.

    Dajohu?Well, going back to what I said above, it was closer than you might think. But they?ll live, and some will live quite a while.

    Jedi-2B?I do love Katherine Heigel. But like you said, we have another. Kind of like Data and B4. Didn?t win any awards, but honestly I wasn?t expecting to. While I believe Heaven Falls is as good a piece of writing as there is on these boards, (with better than average Beta-reading!) it is only peripherally Star Wars, and so I believe the more appropriate stories for the Boards won in their categories. Still, I finally got one for Blue Sun Down.

    Skreed01(2)?The Q didn?t elevate Kyle. They restored his being as an Ascended One. The weapon killed him as surely as it killed the Ori. I think the Q wouldn?t be able to handle Kyle as one of their own. They can barely handle him as an Ascended.

    Leilanijoy?Well welcome aboard, we?re glad to have you. I?m glad you enjoyed it. Roswell was one of those shows with cheap production and sometimes not so good writing, but engaging characters. Although he wasn?t a main character, Sheriff Valenti remains my favorite. Then again, I?m old. And I?ve stopped in Clines Corner enough to have the place memories. You?re on the PM list for these last two chapters.

    Jedi_Aurelan_Carter?Actually we have a closing chapter, then the epilogue. You know how I like to stretch things out. I?m glad you liked them, and it thrills me that one of my OCs is actually one of your favorites!

  20. Darth_Marrs Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 24, 2006
    star 4
    Okay, with five separate parts and five big fights, if nothing else you should know by now that I really love to write day-after chapters. And that's what this is. It is NOT the conclusion. We have one more final chapter, and in fact it's the longest chapter of the entire story, so stick around.

    Thanks for all who nominated me for the Fanfic awards, and my conrats to Idrell for the Wizard's School, which too the Best Crossover award.


    Chapter Eighty-Four: The Living and the Dead

    Ruby Valley, Nevada
    Saturday, September 6, 6 CE (2008 A.D.)
    2:30 p.m. MT

    Diane Evans sat on the back porch of her son?s house having a very intense conversation with her youngest granddaughter, Daniela.

    Daniela, being only one year old, had a limited vocabulary. However, she exercised that vocabulary with great enthusiasm. ?Nana!? she cried with a grin. She had a whopping total of four teeth now, with another coming that caused her to drool constantly. Still, Diane Evans held her with a big smile.

    ?Who do you love?? she asked.

    ?Nana!? Daniela said. Then the baby turned to her older sister Claudia, and called, ?Nana!?

    ?I?m not Nana, silly baby,? Claudia said with all the sophistication of a precocious four-year-old.

    In the yard, her two grandsons were playing ball. Zan and Kyle were just under two years apart, and more often than not fought all the time. But when Nana was in the house, they were always on their best behavior.

    Now they were throwing a football to each other, but with a twist that still amazed their grandmother. The ball would stop mid-air and then change direction to one side or the other. The game was anticipating which way the thrower would make it go after it was thrown.

    The back doors opened and Liz stepped out. At home, all sign of the Jedi knight were gone, replaced by a beautiful young mother in shorts and a casual blouse. With the help of bacta the scar on her thigh had healed to a barely noticeable pink spot. She took the porch rocker beside Diane and surveyed her kids. ?They love it when Nana visits,? she said.

    Diane smiled at her daughter-in-law. ?Not nearly as much as Nana likes to visit. I?m so glad you asked me out.?

    Liz nodded. ?Max and I have been taking turns on assignments since we started going off world. And we both understand this is the hardest part. Somehow, it?s always easier when you or my parents are here. But he?ll be back soon. I can feel it.?

    The two women waited in silence, pondering the future.

    The previous day they sat side by side before the television, watching coverage of the Ori strike on New York before the shielding went up. Forty-five million Americans died in a matter of seconds. Pundits were already calling it the American Doomsday, while still others were calling for the resignation of the Prime Minister and the head of the Commonwealth Research Initiative for not getting the shield up sooner.

    However, the calls for Charleston?s resignation fell on deaf ears. Early Saturday morning, standing beside the Asgard Supreme Commander, the Antaran ambassador, a Vulcan, Jedi Knight Lord Cade Skywalker of the Galactic Empire, Prime Minister Bra?tac and Fleet Admiral Jack O?Neill, Prime Minister William Charleston III announced the complete eradication of the Ori from this galaxy, and possibly from the universe itself.

    ?We have lost so much,? he finished. ?We have sacrificed so much of ourselves and our people in this war. Finally, I can stand before you and say your sacrifices meant something. With our friends beside me, we have defeated the greatest threat this galaxy has ever known. Even as we look in anguish at the loss of life and the flames of one of our greatest cities, we can now also look forward toward an incredible future. Our tears today are the seeds of tomorrow. The seeds of forever. I mourn for those of you who have lost. But I also thank God that you were here with me, and that you trusted me through this difficult period. At last, there will be peace!?

    It was still Friday by Mounta
  21. leilanijoy Jedi Padawan

    Member Since:
    Mar 11, 2008
    This gave me goosebumps=D=
  22. dajohu Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 16, 2006
    star 1
    As always I enjoyed the update, but I'm also dreading when this fic ends... I'm just glad that you've started your Red Sun sequel. :D That way I'll be able to still get my fix. :)

    -dajohu
  23. L0B0 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2008
    star 2
    That was pure gold.

    My favorite part was Cade inviting Izzie to the Praxeum, and his attendance at the funeral. Also, Teal'c is a class act all the way.

    I can see now that it makes sense that Isabel had to be the one to go. Like Siana said, Isabel has been in the middle of this thing from the start, and that makes the impact of losing her so much more poignant.



    Meanwhile, Daniel just doesn't know when to quit does he?
  24. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Whoa. :eek: You absolutely blew me away! Superb action sequences, which when added to your superb character development, make for one helluva read! =D=
  25. TigerofRobare Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 11, 2006
    star 3
    Oh God that was amazing!
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