Saga Hello Jedi Sue--SW Mary Sue Parody

Disclaimer: All characters/situations belong to the King of Flannel. I'm just borrowing them. No money is being made off this.

Rating: PG-13

The following is comedy! It's a parody of SW Mary Sue-ism written as a story outline and it was originally published in a fanzine a couple of years ago.

Hello Jedi Sue
By FanGirl


Outline, Draft One

A tornado on the planet Terran flings the house belonging to the heroine of my tale, Sue (a simple but devastatingly beautiful farm girl with an IQ of 180), clear across the universe to the Star Wars galaxy. The house crash lands on a bucolic planet. Sue miraculously survives without a scratch. She leaves the wreckage of her home and finds Luke Skywalker, who just happens to be standing there. Luke takes one look at Sue and realizes that not only is she powerful in the Force, he?s hopelessly in love with her. Sue falls instantly in love with him. Luke sees a big halo around her head and all sorts of cute little animals immediately gather to her side. Luke and Sue have an intense mind-bonding session, then they declared themselves married. Sue and Luke cry, because it?s all too beautiful. Luke takes her aboard his ship and they fly off to Coruscant. On the way there, Luke is still staggered by Sue?s powerful affinity with the Force. He tests her midichlorian levels and finds they are three times the amount he and Anakin Skywalker had combined. Amazed by this revelation, Sue and Luke cry. Luke realizes she is the one prophesized to be his soul mate forever. Then they have sex, using the Force to enhance their fun. Sue immediately gets pregnant. Overjoyed, they both cry.

On Coruscant, Luke introduces Sue to Leia, Han, Chewie, and the droids. Chewie and the droids then leave and never return to the story. Nobody will miss them. Leia is cold and bitchy to Sue. Han leers at Sue a lot, but it?s Luke whom she loves. In fact she loves Luke so much, she calls him ?Lukie Pookie? at every given opportunity.
A stray Sith Lord nobody knew about attacks Coruscant with a fleet. Sue immediately hops into an X-Wing and leads Rogue Squadron to victory. The Rogues are so impressed, they make her their new commander. Sue collapses crying, because she is so touched.

Luke decides it?s time that he and Sue go to the fourth moon of Yavin to train some new Jedi apprentices. Han and Leia give them a ride on the Falcon. Han suffers a heart attack, and it?s up to Sue to fly the ship?through an asteroid field! Once Sue gets through the asteroid field, her extensive medical knowledge saves Han?s life. They make their way to Yavin safely. Han is grateful to Sue. He even tells her she?s a better pilot than he is. Leia is still cold and bitchy.

While on Yavin, Sue builds a lightsaber in five minutes and with no training whatsoever, she easily defeats Luke in a mock duel. All of the students love Sue. In fact, they fight each other to become her padawan. Sue tells them it?s okay, she doesn?t plan on doing that because all she really wants to do is bear and raise all of the children she can have with Luke. Later, Sue confronts Leia. Leia breaks down and confesses that she?s jealous of Sue because Sue is just so much smarter and so much prettier than Leia. Sue pats Leia on the back and tells her, ?There, there. It?s okay. I?m sure Han probably loves you just the way you are.? Leia now wants to be Sue?s friend. Leia gives Sue a ring that belonged to Queen Amidala, the only link to her mother, as a way of welcoming her to the family. They hug and cry over cups of Maxwell House?s Intergalactic Coffee (Mochaccino flavor).

One of the students tries to hit on Sue. Sue freaks out and files a sexual harassment lawsuit against the student. He gives in to the Dark Side and pushes Sue off the top of the Massassi temple. Sue dies. At her funeral, which is attended by everyone who is anyone in the Star Wars universe, Leia eulogizes Sue as a hero and declares, ?This is a worse tragedy than Alderaan!? She declares that Sue?s birt

 

Aaahh! Soo good, I just can't stop
LOL...
ROFL...
The ultimate Mary Sue of Star Wars...
But that Luke... boy, I pity Luke... to be in love with a Mary Sue... LOL.

This bit got me falling off the chair:
"All the ghost cry"... LOL.

Funny beyond any recognition...
Loved every bit of it. Now we need a Gary Stu...

 

ROTFLMAO!

Wow, I never knew every SW character could turn into such crybabies!

I loved the childbirth part at the end- god that was priceless

And who knew that SuLu (who's most likely a Hoo) would find her way into the GFFA!

Too funny!

 

Heehee...There's actually a story that resembles this, but not so hilariously. (It's supposed to be 'serious') Even down to the resurrection thing. But the kids are named Yobi and Wanda (YOda and oBIwan and obiWAN and yoDA)...This was great!

 

ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


OMG! That is hilarious!!!!





I?m still laughing! Thanks for the treat, MissPadme


Heehee, Christmas colors

 

That was a great laugh (except for all the crying, which was, of course, devastatingly touching <snif>). It made my morning. Thanks for sharing!

 

HA! I love the crying every few scenes...

-Tim

 

Oh my gosh! This is absolutely hilarious! I laughed all the way through!

 

OMG!!! ROTFLMAO!!! That was too funny..

scary part is I have read fan fics like this that were meant to be taken seriously..

Great Job!!!

 

Gross-admiral Thrawn--Now we need a Gary Stu... Are you sure you want to read that ?

PLJ--Turning on the waterworks is one of the pillars of Mary Sue-dom. The scary part about the childbirth scene is I actually read a story where something similar happens. Somebody skipped Biology 101.

DarthIshtar--Consider this story the archetype of the Mary Sue phenomenon . I've based it on actual Mary Sues I've endured. Yobi and Wanda??? Good Lord.

Arriss--You're welcome .

Reihla--Glad you enjoyed it.

Darth_Tim--See response to PLJ.

amidalachick--Thanks! Glad it made you laugh.

IAmZam--Thanks. I've read more of these than I care to admit and all of them were serious.

--MissPadme

 

hehehehehe

 

Bump .

--MissPadme

 

*sniffle*

That was so sweet.

*sniffle*



Loved it!

 

So, I just want to know how does SuLu end up with a career in another Sci-Fi franchise....

 

I loved the story - especially the ending. In practically every story, Luke's wife turns out to be Obi-Wan's long lost daughter.

Great job MisPadme!

Aunecah

 

Lex--I'm glad you found it so touching .

GunraysLawyer--You'll just have to ask some Trek Mary Sue author about that.

Aunecah_Skywalker--Thank you. I've seen the Obi-Wan-long-lost-daughter plot used quite a bit.

--MissPadme

 

I second the call for a Timothy Zahn, I mean, Gary Stu story!

 

SuLu!
Awwww...
That was so bittersweet. I got choked up at the crying bits but it all worked out in the end. And, of course, even though Sue came from another universe, she just had to be OB1's daughter.
So... when is the first chapter coming out?

 

DarthBreezy--Another call for a Gary Stu??? Sheesh!

leia_naberrie--The first chapter?! Eeek!

--MissPadme

 

THAT WAS SO FUNNY! I'M STILL LAUGHING!

 

Thanks, Lady_Kenobi.

--MissPadme

 

Up!