Beyond - Legends help me!

this is my story so far i need some feedback and help
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Ryaf stared out into the twin suns of tatooine and smiled. It had been 3 years since he had left his home planet tatooine but he was back at last. He held his head high as he walked out of the ship and his life as a warrior and back to his life as a civilian. As soon as he got out of mos eisley spaceport his family were standing there waiting for him. They all came up to him and hugged him.
?How are you son?? his mother asked in her quiet and kind tone of voice.
?I?m fine but WHAT THE?? he yelled as a huge explosion erupted in the middle of the town. Then a huge cloud of dust covered the whole area making them unable to see. When the smoke cleared Ryaf could see 12 men wielding red lightsabers walking towards the spaceport.
?Get back!? he shouted at his family as he drew his blasterblade, a weapon that was a vibroblade and a blaster rolled into one.

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please reply soon

 

That is a great beginning! I'd luv 2 help, (as best i can...) Try to space out the quotes and statments so it looks like this...:


Ryaf stared out into the twin suns of tatooine and smiled. It had been 3 years since he had left his home planet tatooine but he was back at last. He held his head high as he walked out of the ship and his life as a warrior and back to his life as a civilian. As soon as he got out of mos eisley spaceport his family were standing there waiting for him. They all came up to him and hugged him.

?How are you son?? his mother asked in her quiet and kind tone of voice.

?I?m fine but WHAT THE?? he yelled as a huge explosion erupted in the middle of the town. Then a huge cloud of dust covered the whole area making them unable to see.

When the smoke cleared Ryaf could see 12 men wielding red lightsabers walking towards the spaceport.

?Get back!? he shouted at his family as he drew his blasterblade, a weapon that was a vibroblade and a blaster rolled into one.


Good Luck!

Courtney_Solo

 

thanks that helped!

 

ur quit welcome...now about that title, u might wanna change it, make it simple, but interesting, like... "_ _ _ _ Fury" or sumtin.

I like ur story! Keep @ it...

(If u wanna Pm me I LUV getting PM's...)



Courtney_Solo

 

i dont have a title yet but im doing it in parts so i might give this one the sub title of...

the living force

 

you try being a beta reader

 

Go to fanfiction resource and you shall find.

Finish one story before you post the next.

Check your grammar...

I'm not trying to insult you or anything, but posts like this are just very annoying. Think things over before you do anything.

 

sithlord168

Were u talking to me about being a beta reader?

btw...i've NO idea WUT a beta reader is...