Help....writing a TOTAL redo of TPM

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction and Writing Resource' started by Liz Skywalker, Dec 2, 2001.

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  1. Liz Skywalker Ex-Mod

    Member Since:
    Jun 13, 2000
    star 6
    like the topic said, I'm rewriting everything in TPM, plot, some chracters, etc. But the way I want to do it, the story doesn't start in space, it starts on Tatooine. I have two beginnings, one in space and one on Tatooine, and the one on Tattooine works much better for me. But it's a Star wars tradition that the story start in space. I can work it around so that I have it in space, but I want to introduce Anakin first, and by starting in space, I'll be introducing the bad guys first.


    any help? I don't wanna give toooo much away...
  2. Alderaan_ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2001
    star 4
    Sure I'd love to help. Just a few more details...
  3. Liz Skywalker Ex-Mod

    Member Since:
    Jun 13, 2000
    star 6
    ok. I'll post a snippet of it when I get home.

    the story line is:
    Sith: they've already started taking over the galaxy. There's Palpatine there. His cuurent apprentice is Maul.
    Jedi: Obi-Wan is training Anakin on Tatooine. Anakin is almost ready for his trials and is eager to start fighting in the JEdi/Sith war. OBi-Wan is not sure how to tell him of his destiny as the chosen one.
    Naboo: Queen Amidala, the NAboo as a whole have a history of asking for JEdi Protection. Amidala gets attacked and they call for JEdi protection.
    Anakin has a vision of a Sith. This means something to the JEdi council and they make the decision for the duo to leave tattoine and go help Amidala.
  4. Groovy_Ssi-Ruuvi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2001
    star 4
    You could preface the Sith or Trade Federation or whoever it is that attacks Amidalla on Naboo; start off with their ship in space as they plan to attack. That would open it in space, but I don't think you have to open it in space.
  5. Liz Skywalker Ex-Mod

    Member Since:
    Jun 13, 2000
    star 6
    my first scene:

    Star Wars: Episode One: The Phantom Menace

    It is a time of great change in the galaxy. The Jedi, protectors of peace since time immemorial, have been dispersed. There is a new power in the galaxy: the power of the Sith. The Jedi are in hiding, training apprentices for the final fight, which will decide the future of the galaxy. The Sith, too, train apprentices and their Darkness frequently clashes with the Light of the Jedi.

    Anakin Skywalker, apprentice to Jedi Master Obi-Wan Kenobi, is almost a Knight of the Jedi Order. But he feels Dark yearning inside himself and the Sith Ways come easier to him than the Jedi Ways. He is either the hope of the galaxy or it?s greatest enemy. Only time will tell.


    INT. Starship. Night cycle.

    A man is pacing in a largish gray room. He is DARTH PALPATINE, the master of the Sith. Following him is DARTH MAUL, the master?s current apprentice. PALPATINE is in his forties. MAUL is in his twenties.

    PALPATINE: The Jedi have resisted for the last time. And we will crush them, my young apprentice. We will crush these pitiful lightsiders. And with the Jedi comes the galaxy! I will rule, Maul. [turns to face his apprentice] What is your role to be in all this?

    MAUL: I do your bidding, my master.

    PALPATINE: [frowning at the memorized answer] That?s not good enough, Maul.

    MAUL: [a dark smile] I will kill Jedi, my master.

    PALPATINE: Prove to me your worth. [flicks his hand to the side] Show me how you will kill the Jedi.

    A plasteel door slides open. It is gray like everything else in the room. Twenty Battle Droids roll out from behind the door. PALPATINE stands to the side as the droids battle with MAUL. He watches carefully.

    PALPATINE: [cackling] Good, good!

    FADE OUT



    alternate first scene:

    Ext. Tatooine. Day.

    We focus in on hands. They are callused and tanned brown from hard outdoor work. Time passes, we notice by the angle of the suns? shadows. Finally the hands rise from the work they are doing. We see a youngish man stretching. He is wearing normal farmer clothing and working on a speeder. His white tunic is splashed with oil and his pants are more black than their original white. His is ANAKIN SKYWALKER, a twenty-year-old former slave. He is the Jedi Apprentice to OBI-WAN KENOBI. He stretches again and we finally see his face clearly. He is blonde and has a couple of laugh lines around his mouth. His face is pale but tanned over.

    Another man comes out of the dwelling in the distance. He is older, perhaps 45. He, too, is wearing a tunic and pants, but his are brown and black. His face is very serious. He is OBI-WAN KENOBI.

    OBI-WAN: Is it fixed?

    ANAKIN: [nods] At least, as much as I can make it. Guess I really banged it up. Sorry, Master. [he grins. He is not sorry at all]

    OBI-WAN: [assessed his apprentice. He knows what ANAKIN is thinking] Have you meditated yet today?

    ANAKIN: No, Master.

    OBI-WAN: [nods. He had expected as much. ANAKIN had a penchant for doing what he wanted to do and ignoring his studies.] Clean yourself up and come in. It?s almost time for dinner. [He glances at the setting suns and goes back inside]

    ANAKIN looks introspective for a moment and then begins to tidy up. He focus in briefly on his hands again and suddenly we feel a shift, as if something has changed. But it is merely a dark shadow passing over ANAKIN, distorting who he is.



  6. Alderaan_ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2001
    star 4
    sounds good. just one thing... how do the battle droids roll? I think you meant destroyer droids. Also, the first dosen't sound like it really has to be in space. it could be happening on Coruscant. In the movies, the first scene HAS to be in space. OK, so I'm being really picky...
  7. Groovy_Ssi-Ruuvi Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 29, 2001
    star 4
    Just a head's up: In The Empire Strikes Back, the opening scene was a probe droid being launched from a Star Destroyer in space, then landing on Hoth. All things considered, this wasn't anything prolific, so you might not need a fleshed out scene in space.
  8. Alderaan_ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2001
    star 4
    ok, here's my idea:

    Maul is in the Sith infiltrator, talking to Palpy who's on coruscant.

    Palpy: blah blah blah

    Maul: blah blah blah

    Palpy: but first, I have devised a test for your skills.

    twenty droid fighters attack the Infiltrator. Maul destroys ten, then

    Palpy: Good, good!

    while ten fighters attack the ship, twenty battle droids attack from the inside.
  9. Darth_Destructo Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 2, 2001
    star 4
    Does GL know about this? ;)
  10. Alderaan_ Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 14, 2001
    star 4
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