Heres the Script to my New SW Fan film : Star Wars: Betrayal

hey guys
I might have mentioned before I was doing a SW fan film. Well I've started preproduction on it, all principle actors have been cast, we start rehearsals this week, fight rehearsals begin first week of march.
Now the script is in its third draft. I'm happy with it (happy enought to show it to others) that doesnt mean the dialogue and such wont change as we get into rehearsals.
I'd like some feed back, plain and simple. I want to see if it meets the high standards of the SW fans of this forum
Check the script out, let me know what u think of it, story wise, dialogue wise and action wise.
its set between episode 2 and 3. Also let me know if it any aspects of it seem similar to any fan films that have already been made. Ive watched as many fan films as I can, and Ive had this story in my head for atleast two years, So I'm pretty sure this story hasnt been done yet. But let me know if it resembles any projects.
**** Also the only thing I have to warn you about is that there is a twist in it. If you dont want to spoil stuff (like u wanna see it when its complete and not know what happens stop in the middle of page 9. ****
that way those of you that dont want to dl it cuz it will spoil stuff for you, can still do so and give me some feedback.

heres the link:
http://www.gsn.net.au/~jmubaraki/swBetrayalDraft3.doc

and tell me what u think

 

ahhh thats the name of my fanfilm which we are currently filming!!! nooooooo.....

Betrayal Of/To The Jedi!

NoonoOoo000ooOoO0o

 

IMPORTANT NOTICE!!
That LINK ABOVE does NOT WORK. Sorry ppl. But if u'd like the script pls email me at:

moisture_man73301@hotmail.com

Sorry about this, this was the situation I was trying to avoid but I'm having ftp problems. Please do email me tho and I'll send u the script asap. sorry bout the trouble. and I'd still like all yer feed back.

Also, raymond L
well not to worry, my title is not set in stone yet. Also it isnt exactly the same as yours either . all mine is "betrayal" while yours does have a few more words attached to it. I doubt it would cause to much confusion if both our titles were left the same as they are now.
But I can still change it. maybe we can peacefully learn to coexist like wookies and ewoks and not like those evil aliens from ID4.

 

I'll give it a read for you and offer my crits (if you can take it )

Check my sig and send it over.

 

You could always turn it into a Duality parody and call it "Duplicity."

 

diabloblanco,
I'm not sure how I'm supposed to take that post. ;P

the script ive written isnt a parody of anything sw or any one elses fan film. Its an original story, And Ive read the synopsis to betrayal of the jedi (just the other day) and our stories have little or no resemblence apart from the fact they are set in the SW universe and have jedi' with glowy stick thingies

So I dont think 'duplicity' would really count as a title (was that some sort of a jab? If so read my script first before passing judgement, if it wasnt a jab dont worry about it )
Betrayal was the first name I thought of because it was simple and name fit the story quite well. Like I said its not a permanent name at this stage, I'd love to come up with a better title that fits the script.

 

Add a </sarcasm> to the end of my last post.

But duplicity is a word that suggests the same thing as betrayal.

 

hey diablo
yes, with emails and forums or any other written material its hard to judge tone. I wasnt sure .. but sarcasm is good.

duplicity just doesnt do it for me ...
See I take the word duplicity as some one who backstabs another person but they do it without any guilt.
Betrayal seems to suggest a backstabber who'll do the deed but will still do with a guitly consience.
that fits my script better ...
does that make sense to you? cuz it barely makes sense to me!

 

No, not really. But duplicity suggests a Duality parody to me, so I guess it's all fine.