Saga "Heresy" and other Very AU, Humorous (I hope) Vignettes -- Updated 8/9 (ESB Vader/Luke duel)

All rights to Star Wars belong to George Lucas, not to me, as much as I wish they did. I am merely grotesquely corrupting the saga he has created.

Welcome to "Heresy" and other Very AU, Humorous (I hope) Vignettes, presented by LonErian. Hope you enjoy!

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This vignette takes place when Anakin Skywalker has returned to Coruscant after secretly marrying Padmé Amidala.


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HERESY

by LonErian

Anakin Skywalker strode confidently through the door to the Supreme Chancellor?s office. Palpatine stood at the window, watching the lazy flow of airspeeder traffic.

?Welcome back, Anakin,? his mentor said without turning around. ?I trust your trip to Naboo went smoothly??

Anakin walked to the Chancellor?s side. ?The journeys themselves were uneventful. That was a relief.?

Palpatine looked over and raised his eyebrows. ?But your time with Senator Amidala was not equally uneventful??

?As I told you in your parlor before we departed,? Anakin sighed deeply, ?she confessed at Geonosis that she loved me.?

?She didn?t retract it, I hope??

?No, no,? Anakin chuckled. ?Of course not.?

?What, then??

?She?s just? so? frustrating.?

?Let?s get back to that in a moment,? Palpatine smiled. ?You never did get a chance to tell me how you seduced her in the first place.?

?Me? Seduced?? Anakin laughed heartily. ?You?ve got to be kidding!?

?What about all the lines we talked about??

?She?s so intoxicating to be around,? Anakin sighed again. ?They all left my mind. We were talking about beaches, and the best I could come up with was, ?I don?t like sand. It?s coarse and rough and irritating. And it gets everywhere.??

Palpatine slapped him on the back and sputtered through his laughter. ?Please, my son, please. Please, tell me you didn?t really say that.?

?Oh yeah,? Anakin shook his head. ?I did.?

?I?m surprised she didn?t run away screaming.?

?So am I.? Anakin took a deep breath and started again. ?But when we spent more time together, she couldn?t resist me. It was as you foresaw ? my physical attractiveness was simply too much for her. I would never be able to get a Jedi mind trick to work on her, but a thin meditation shirt worked like a charm.?

?But she denied her feelings until Geonosis??

?That?s right. One night I fed her a whole line of crap about how I?d thought of her every day since we met all those years ago, and how it?s agony being with her again. Something about how I couldn?t breathe. She bought the whole thing. But then she jumped away and said we couldn?t be together.?

?Let me guess,? Palpatine winked. ?You?re a Jedi and she?s a Senator. It?s forbidden.?

?Pretty much. So I knew I?d have to do something more. I figured the best thing was to play to her maternal side. When we were with her family, I could tell how much she misses not having a family of her own. How much she needs to care for someone.?

?Indeed,? Palpatine nodded. ?Her compassion always has been her weakness.?

?I?d been having nightmares about my mother, so I told Senator Amidala I needed to go to her. She insisted on coming along, of course. It turns out my mother had been kidnapped and murdered by Tusken Raiders. I got my revenge on them, though.?

?Excellent, my boy. Excellent. You will never go wrong trusting your feelings.?

?I know,? Anakin smiled. ?I felt so good afterwards. But then once I got back with the Senator I had to pretend to be remorseful. She bought it, though, and that was it. I knew she was in love with me, even though she didn?t say anything until Geonosis.?

?Very creative, Anakin, I must say. Fake remorse. I?ll have to keep that one in mind. It might buy a good deal of time with the Senate when the war goes badly.?

?If it fooled Amidala, it can fool anyone.?

?Very true. I like the way you think, my son. I really do.? Palpatine wrapped an arm around Anakin?s shoulders. ?So back to

 

Lon has escaped from his box as an OC supportting character!! He MUST BE STOPED !!!

 

Yes, he escaped and now has his revenge!!!
BTW the discussion was ABSOLUTELY realistic...

 

Heh, heh! Anakin and Palpy discussing chat up lines! Outrageous! Me Like!

 

Argh!

A Lon on the run! Could this get any worse...

...or funnier, for that matter. I'll never be able to watch AOTC in quite the same way again...Now, we finally know exactly what kind of 'gudiance' dear ol' Palpy's been offering!

"She made you marry her?"

LOL!

 

I would never be able to get a Jedi mind trick to work on her, but a thin meditation shirt worked like a charm.?


LOL!!!! Hilarious!

Shelly


Public Relations Director of ADLE

 

That was great! I was laughing through the entire story.

 

Interesting way of looking at things!

 

Wow that's a very different take to the immortal love of Anakin and Padme. I thought it was great!
Kinda worried that palpatine knew chat up lines but each to his own.

 

but a thin meditation shirt worked like a charm. !!!

 

Lon, you putz, trying to cover up your own cheap fling. Why don't you go back to sucking up to Obi-Wan or something?

I will admit though that meditation shirt does work like a charm .

--MissPadme

 

LOL! GREAT VIGGY!!!!!!!

 

lol that was definitely a twist from the Anakin/Palpatine relationship we already know about. Great viggy!

 

?Very creative, Anakin, I must say. Fake remorse. I?ll have to keep that one in mind. It might buy a good deal of time with the Senate when the war goes badly.?

?I?m surprised she didn?t run away screaming.?

but a thin meditation shirt worked like a charm.


OMG! This is hilarious! ROFLMAO!

 

Be careful with your heresies, my friend. Be very careful.

In the immortal words of Bill Cosby, when admonishing his children, "I brought you into this world, and I can take you out. Make another one who looks just like you..."

--Geo3 (your Maker)

 

?You?re a Jedi and she?s a Senator. It?s forbidden.?

Lets here the chorus of Duhs....

Quite well done, and wow did I get a shock at who write it

 

Thank you, everyone!

Lando_Plenty -

DarthBreezy - You'll never stop me! Never! I am unstoppable!

LadyZ -

illuminatrix - Thank you!

Queengodess - So happy to have made you laugh.

jedishellyskywalker - Don't bring that ADLE business in here, my friend, or you'll regret it.

PhoenixMage - Yay!

stacysatrip - Consider this "Bizarro Love Story" (like the old Seinfeld episode).

Hananiah - Disturbing the idea of Palpatine hitting on someone, isn't it?

putsomeBactaonit - I had to tease my dear lady friends over at the A&P Defenders thread, you see.

MissPadme - The truth shall set you free.

diamond_pony2002 -

DarthSon -

Arriss - So glad you liked it!

The Maker - As you wish, Master. [face_humble]

darla101 - Thanks!



Thank you again for your kind comments.

 

Hehe loved it! Arrogant Anakin, so cute! Very funny!!!

 

Hi there! I liked this viggie. It sure is a different approach to the usual sappy love stories. It was interesting to say the least. I've gotta agree with the other people, the meditation shirt would work as a charm...

 

I loved it! You had me laughing the entire time. I can't get the picture out of my head of Palpatine teaching Anakin pickup lines.

 

I did something far far worse to you Lon....

Trust me...

 

And now for a Public Service Announcement:

I'm here today to tell you all about ADLE. ADLE is a wonderful organisation whose main aim is basically the villification of Lon Erian! To join ADLE (Alliance for the Death of Lon Erian), simply head on over to geo3's story, Winds of Change.

We shall be waiting!

Shelly
Public Relations Director of ADLE

 

I would most certainly like to join this ADLE. My name alone entitles me, I think?

 

Great work, Lon!

Talk about Alternate Universe.....

Funny stuff! Keep it coming!