Before He's One Dead Padawan- Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by VaderLVR64, Apr 12, 2004.

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  1. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    Title: He's One Dead Padawan
    Era: Before TPM
    Characters: Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan
    Genre: Humor, maybe
    Author: VaderLVR64


    This isn't based on Canon, because as we all know Obi-Wan was a good Padawan. But, I wondered what would happen if Obi-Wan had been more like Anakin?



    He?s One Dead Padawan

    That boy would drive him to drink! Lately the boy had been recalcitrant and unwilling to follow the rules. Last week he had come back to the Temple smelling of alcohol and cheap perfume. He had slurred an apology to his master and told him nothing happened except that ?the pretty girls kept me company! They liked my braid and said I had gorgeous blue eyes.? Here his apprentice had given a sheepish grin and passed out.

    Last night he had discovered his apprentice in a gambling den trying to entice a pretty young waitress to keep him company. The fuming Jedi master stomped through the Temple?s hallways, just waiting until he spotted a familiar pair of blue eyes and then he was going to be all over that boy like a Hutt on a slime slug. It was really beyond what he should have to put up with, the Master knew that, but there was something appealing about the young prankster that kept him from punishing the boy like he deserved. Well, he would just have to stand firm this time!

    He should have known it was going to be a bad day when he woke up and tried to put on his slippers, which had some of the most amazing goo inside of them. Not only did it stink to the stars once disturbed, but it clung to his feet like an unwanted lover. His apprentice had been absent, of course, but he had known immediately which little criminal mind had created the gooey mess. He would just bet that vials of the foul stuff were currently being sold among the more troublesome padawans of the temple. The little outlaw was probably making a profit off the misery of other masters at this very second!

    He had hoped his Padawan was past such pranks, but obviously he had hoped in vain. Perhaps a few sessions of cleaning ?freshers would settle the little prankster down! The put upon master gave a sigh as he realized that merely cleaning ?freshers wouldn?t calm him down. He was sure he would merely find a way to wreak havoc in the plumbing system while he was occupied cleaning. That was the problem with having a smart apprentice; he had known for some time that his apprentice was too smart for the Temple?s own good. For some reason, his Padawan had been apt to pull some particularly devious pranks lately. The only thing the tired master could guess is that hormones raging through the boy needed an outlet. Force save him from teenage human males!

    There was the time that he put hot sauce in the Yoda?s food during a state banquet. There was the incident in which he had rigged the Temple holo lines to greet each incoming message with a throaty purr of ?Yoda?s Pleasure Palace!? and the occasion he had made the flight simulators make rude noises whenever a pilot triggered the photon torpedoes. The sounds of vulgar bodily functions coming out of a simulator?s speakers made even the calmest of Jedi pilots a little irate, especially when they knew exactly who the culprit was! Four different knights had tracked him down that day to give him a lecture on controlling his Padawan.

    Memories of past indiscretions re-ignited the master?s anger. Force, the boy really would make him wallow in Corellian Ale until he died of liver disease. Suddenly, he spotted two big blue eyes staring around the corner. The bright eyes ducked back as soon as they spotted the irate knight in the hall, but it was too late. The boy was caught and when his master grabbed a slightly dirty tunic, he spied him trying to hide a small vial in his pocket. Yep, the same gray goo that had greeted his feet this morning. A big smile and wide blue eyes tried to soften the anger of the Master, but Qui-Gon knew better. Obi-Wan had been caught fair and square and now would have to pay the price.
  2. The_Hutt Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 7, 2004
    star 1
    Ha Ha!! "Yoda's Pleasure Palace!" I almost died at that one. Obi-Wan as a drinking, prank-playing ladies' man? I have to see this one!
  3. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    Loved the Yoda's Pleasure Palace. I can just picture Obi-Wan doing all those things. After all, being almost perfect has its drawbacks - the kid needs to kickout once in a while...LOL.
  4. obi_ew Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Apr 14, 2002
    star 5
    [face_laugh] Too funny! I bet Obi had his share of bad behavior moments over the years. You should make this a series. ;)
  5. Opal Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Nov 17, 2003
    star 4
    I have to go with everyone else on this one. The thought of Temple visitors being greeted with "Yoda'a Pleasure Palace" is simply hysterical. [face_laugh]

    Also, I love the title of this one as well.
  6. PadawanKitara Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2001
    star 5
    A hysterical little outlaw!
  7. Padawan_Travina Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Aug 5, 2002
    star 4
    Oh wow Vader this is too funny...Great job..And I agree with OE..this should be a multiple post series..:)


    Keep up the good work..


    --PT
  8. VaderLVR64 Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Feb 5, 2004
    star 8
    This was originally written for the Obi-Wan challenge when we had to write under a sock. But, I went with something else and this one has been sitting around gathering dust bunnies.

    The_Hutt Well, even the Sith Killer has a sense of humor!

    dianethx Exactly! It's hard being perfect all the time and poor Obi just had to relax a TINY bit.

    obi_ew Glad you liked it. Not sure what Obi will do in the future, but if he DOES misbehave, you can be sure I'll catch him at it and report right away.

    Opal The title came from something my kids say all the time when they know one of them is in trouble. They also say it when my husband's dog has eaten another of my books. "There goes one dead dog!"

    PadawanKitara Yes, Obi is a bit of an outlaw, the pressure of exams and stuff must have gotten to him.

    Padawan_Travina I'm glad you enjoyed it. I loved writing it!

  9. Captain_Observant Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 15, 2002
    star 2
    That was really, really, funny.

    Yoda?s Pleasure Palace

    Yea, it will be a while before I get over that one... ;)

    Great Stuff VaderLVR64!!!

  10. jeday Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jan 4, 2004
    star 2
    [face_laugh] It's so funny, please write more of it.
  11. Laine_Snowtrekker Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Jul 8, 2003
    star 5
    Good stuff as always, VaderLVR64! I just love the idea of a naughty Obi-Wan! Makes you think that Anakin is the reason Obi-Wan drinks in AOTC and in ANH. Those pesky Skywalkers! :)
  12. Seraphena Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 20, 2003
    star 3
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