Saga - OT Hobbie's Law (AU, OCs) --complete with cover art!!!

Hobbie’s Law

“Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong, at the worst possible time, and you will be right in the middle of it when it does.” – Derek “Hobbie” Klivian

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Characters: OCs, Poe Dameron, Maz Kanata, and bad guys
Genre: Action, Humor
Timeframe: 2 years before TFA.
A pilot for the New Republic is sent to Takodana on a secret mission to pass information along to the Resistance. But her best friend decides to tag along, her Resistance contact is an old flame, and when the First Order shows up it all goes downhill from there.



Amazing artwork by Chyntuck and Mr. Chyntuckopoulous!

A little Saga, a little Legends, extremely AU. Might have spoilers forBloodlines. I'd sworn off writing fanfiction, but sometimes the only way to exorcise the plot bunnies is to indulge them. Hope you enjoy! More coming soon.

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Kess had a bad feeling about the mission. In theory, it was simple. Fly to Takodana, meet up with the Resistance agent, pass along the information, and get back, without the First Order or anyone from the Republic finding out about it. Piece of ryshcate. Except the old pilot’s saying kept coming back to her.
Anything that can go wrong will go wrong… “Hobbie’s Law,” they called it. Kess hoped he was wrong.

Takodana was a lovely world, archipelagos of green against vivid blue oceans, marbled with a few clouds. The ancient castle was below her, rising out of a foggy lake, with deep forests all around. It looked like something out of a fairy tale. There was a large flat plain outside, with a number of starships parked in neat rows. Kess set her own ship, a T-65 X-wing, down at the end of the row. She did a quick check of the systems, nodded in satisfaction, and shut it all down. As she unfastened her harness, she looked back to her astromech. “Becks, go on full systems security. Lock it down and monitor. If anyone gets within three feet, use the proximity defense and signal me on the commlink, okay?” The BX droid chirped in response, and burbled to itself quietly as it ran the standard post flight diagnostics. Kess slipped out of the cockpit and dropped lightly to the ground. The X-wing was a veteran of the Rebellion, long since decommissioned, and painted in civilian colors now. Officially, it had been stripped of the military-grade hardware. Officially. Her parents, both fighter pilots back then, had made a few…improvements. It was more than it seemed.

She gave herself a quick once-over. Civilian clothes, worn and comfortable. Red leather jacket, dark red shirt, tan trousers, boots. The only fancy touch was the small golden brooch pinned to her flight jacket, an Alderaanian sunlily. She had one small hold-out blaster concealed in a boot holster, but if the mission went well, she wouldn’t need it. Except…except for that feeling of doom.

She began to walk towards the castle.

“Isn’t it amazing?”

Kess smiled. This was the other reason she had a bad feeling about the mission. It was supposed to be a secret mission, and she was supposed to be alone. Only she’d had trouble finding a location for Takodana, and while she was looking, Mel had found out and invited herself. Mel had been her best friend forever, like a sister. Better than a sister, really, since (unlike Danae, Kess’s real sister) she never kicked up a fuss when Kess raided her closet. She couldn’t think of a good excuse to put her friend off without raising her suspicions, and so Mel had tagged along, thinking that Kess was just looking for some fun on a short leave.

Mel was strolling down the ramp of her ship, a sleek Nubian Starrunner plated in gold chromium . Not exactly subtle. Mel wasn’t dressed to blend in either. She’d always preferred to stand out. She certainly would today. She was wearing what she called a flight suit, white satin which left her legs and arms bare, and white suede boots, which looked amazing against her dark skin. She’d topped it off with a short gold brocade cloak. Her black hair was coiled in elegant braids on her head. She looked fabulous, as if she belonged somewhere a lot swankier than a pirates’ dive in the Outer Rim. Kess could only hope that anyone would focus on Mel and overlook her.

“You said you’d been here before,” she said.

“Oh, yeah. Do you remember that summer when we found out Mom was sick? And Dad was trying to find a way to get rid of us for a while so he could focus on her?”

Kess nodded. “I remember. You were supposed to come stay with us.”

“Yeah, well…” Mel stared at the cobblestones. “I was being a brat, I was afraid to leave Mom, in case…you know.” Kess nodded. Mel’s fears had been justified. “Anyway,” she continued, “Dad convinced Maz to hire Azra and Sarai for the summer, and sent me along, figuring Maz could keep me in line. It’s a little rough, but Maz runs a tight ship and doesn’t put up with troublemakers. Officially, she was neutral during the Rebellion, but Dad said she passed along a lot of useful information under the table. She’s owned it for nearly a thousand years, and it was old before that. Can you imagine?” They’d passed through graceful stone gates, and were moving along a paved courtyard. Moss and wildflowers grew between the stones, and in the walls. A golden statue of a being with its arms outstretched stood above the doorway, surrounded by colorful banners of a hundred worlds and groups. Kess recognized only a few of them.

Mel nodded at the statue. “That’s Maz there.”

Kess grinned. “Danae would love this place,” she said. “Full of old stuff.”

“She would. She finish that history degree yet?”

“Archaeology. Can you believe it? She’s defending her dissertation sometime soon.”

They walked into what had once been the main hall of the castle. There was a massive firepit in the middle of the room with several things rotating on spits over the flames. Massive stone pillars ran up along the middle, and various beings sat at battered wooden tables all around the room.

Kess looked around, at old baskets and metal containers, at various strange artifacts hanging on the walls, at more banners hanging from blackened beams overhead. There was a band tucked in an alcove, playing a mellow tune with a slow, easy rhythm. She took a deep breath, smelling roasting meat, alcohol, sweaty spacers, and a few other substances, mostly intoxicants. Danae would love this place. She wouldn’t mind hanging out here herself. Except that she was on a mission. Had to remember that.

A quick look around the room didn’t immediately reveal anyone who could be a Resistance operative. She had to hope he or she would notice her…or the brooch at least. Yeah. This wouldn’t be so bad. Mel would find a Sabacc game and she’d be free to wander around looking for her contact. Nice, quiet, unobtrusive.

“MELVINA CALRISSIAN!”

Kess froze. So much for unobtrusive. She tensed up, looking for the threat. The threat was a tiny being, female, with enormous glasses that magnified her eyes to make them seem massive. Or maybe her eyes were really that big, Kess couldn’t be sure.

“Maz!” Mel was grinning, her father’s grin, and the two of them hugged fiercely. Kess blinked.

Maz drew back. “It’s been a long time. Come to fleece my customers, have you?”

“I said I’d bring my friend along, she wanted to see your place.” Mel nodded towards her. “This is Kess.”

Kess held out her hand. “How do you do?” Maz gripped her hand, drawing her close, and shoved her face closer to the human woman. Kess blinked, glancing nervously at Mel. Maz smiled.

“You have your father’s eyes,” she said.

“Huh?” Kess took after her mother.

Maz nodded. “They are not the same color, but you have his eyes.” She glanced over her shoulder, and spoke in a low voice. “The one is waiting for you at the other end, near the alcove.” She turned away. “You are welcome here.”

Kess looked around. It sounded like a pronouncement. How did Maz know her father? How did she know someone was waiting for Kess? Did she know about the mission? The bad feeling grew and she breathed deeply, willing the knot in her stomach to unwind.

Mel was blissfully oblivious to it all. She was chattering on cheerfully, pointing out various features of the room, looking to see if there were any games going on that she could get in on.

“Only downside of Maz’s place is that there aren’t enough hot guys,” she finished. Kess had to agree with that. The people here, spacers, pirates, smugglers, ne’er-do-wells, adventurers, were of all species and ages. But even the ones closer to her own age had a worn-down, tired look, thin and wary. One or two males seemed to have potential, although she wished they’d shaved. The server behind the bar was the best bet, with tawny gold skin and generous curves. Her hair was braided back with colorful ribbons. Barmaids were always getting come-ons, though, and Kess never thought it was fair to make a play for them when they had no choice but to be polite to the customers.

“If you want date bait, you need to go to Coruscant or Tazall,” she said with a grin. The clubs on those worlds were full of young, attractive people of all species and genders, looking for companionship.

“Those guys might have possibilities.” Kess eyed the threesome at the table that Mel was indicating.

“No,” she said. “Too military.” Three men, two humans and a Jinvarran, broad-shouldered, hair clipped close, hunched over the table, nursing something in tankards. They had some chance cubes, and occasionally rolled them in a desultory manner, as if they were gaming, but they didn’t bother to put game chits on the table and didn’t seem to be keeping score. First Order? Republic Intelligence? She frowned. Resistance? But there was only supposed to be one contact. Better to avoid them. Kess stepped smoothly to put a pillar between her and their line of sight.

She paused to watch the band, bobbing her head appreciatively in time with the music.

“Ooo, hell-OH!” said Mel, perking up. “Target sighted at oh-four-five-eight. And I saw him first.”

Kess chuckled, turning her head to see who Mel had set her sights on. Then she froze, and dived behind the nearest pillar. “Yup, he’s hot,” she agreed, “he’s all yours.”

Mel frowned. This wasn’t how the game was played. “You don’t think he’s good looking?”

“Yeah, I do. He’s…is he looking this way?”

Mel shook her head. “No, but—“ She grinned broadly, suddenly enlightened. “You know him!”

“Yeeeeeeah, sort of.”

“And?”

“And what?”

“Seriously?”

Kess sighed and dropped into an empty chair. “Okay, it was Coruscant, we were in a club, we were dancing, one thing led to another…you know.”

“In the club?”

“It was very dark. There were little…nooks. For, you know, privacy.”

“AND?”

“And what?”

Mel sat in the other chair and glared at her friend. “What’s his name? Where is he from? Did you go out again? Was it any good? Honestly, I can’t believe I have to spell it out for you.”

Kess wrinkled her nose, resisting the urge to peer around the pillar. “His name is Poe Dameron. I’m not sure where he’s from. It was only the one time.”

“Oh, dear. That bad?”

“No, no…in all fairness, it was…pretty amazing.” Understatement of the century.

“So why—?“

“He’s a pilot. Rapier Squadron.”

“Aaand again, why--?”

“You know I don’t go out with pilots.” Mel rolled her eyes.

“Sweetie, you are a pilot,” she said

“I know, that’s why I don’t go out with them. I know what we’re like!”

Mel gave her a long, patient look, then sighed. “But you got together with him then.”

“I didn’t know he was a pilot at the time!”

“You didn’t recognize his name?”

Kess looked up at the banners overhead. She was pretty sure her face was the same shade as her jacket. “I didn’t actually get his name until later.”

“You didn’t get his name? And you—“ Mel started to laugh. “Alcohol was involved!”

Kess snorted in exasperation. “Well of course alcohol was involved! It was Fleet Week! Nobody is responsible for what happens during Fleet Week!”

Mel was shaking in silent laughter. Kess sighed. “Anyway, the only strike against him, as far as I’m concerned, is the pilot thing,” she said. “He seemed like a decent enough guy, we had a lot of fun, so go for it with my blessing.”

Mel shook her head. “Oh, nonononono, you are not getting off that easy, woman!” She stood up, grabbing Kess’s wrist in a vise grip, and dragged her out of the chair.

“What? What?” Kess tried to dig in her heels. “Mel, please, this wasn’t funny when we were thirteen and—oh, no, no, no! Mel! MEL!”

Her friend was dragging her right up to the table where Poe Dameron was sitting. It didn’t help that he looked just as sexy as he had that night a few years ago. His dark hair was all tousled curls, deep brown eyes surveying the room alertly, that mouth—Don’t think about that mouth!

He looked up as the women approached the table, eyeing Mel appreciatively. She had that effect on people.

“Hi there,” said Mel, with her best Calrissian grin. “My friend here swears she met you somewhere before, but she just can’t remember where. I don’t suppose you can help us out?”

“No, I’m sure if we did, I’d—“ Dameron reluctantly dragged his eyes away from Mel to look at Kess, who was mentally cursing Hobbie Klivian and his damned Law right now while she tried to wrench her arm from her friend’s grip. “Wait—it’s you?!”

“Me?” said Kess faintly.

“You’re the girl from that club! On Coruscant? It was called…Twelves, I think.”

“Uhhh…”

“Yeah, oh, yeah, I remember. “ He smiled slowly. Kess swallowed hard. That smile was devastating. “It was Fleet Week.”

Kess pulled her wrist sharply away from Mel, and glared at her friend, who was smirking as she looked from one to another, as if she were watching a battlebat match. “No one remembers anything that happens during Fleet Week!” she growled.

“Oh, I don’t know…that one was pretty memorable.” He leaned back in his chair. “You had a silver dress, and blue—“

“Ah, yes, Twelves, I remember everything now! So nice to see you again, we really must be going.” Kess edged away, still babbling. Now she needed to shake Dameron, find her Resistance contact, and throttle her best friend. Not necessarily in that order.

“Hey, you’re not taking off again? You pulled that stunt at the club. You disappeared before I could get your name. And I’d been kind of hoping for Round Two.”

“Round…two?” Kess wasn’t sure she would’ve survived Round Two.

“Hey, sit down, let’s have a drink. I still don’t have your name and—“ Dameron broke off and she heard him catch his breath. His eyes were riveted to her front. She looked down, wondering if she’d spilled something on herself. Her boobs were okay, but they weren’t that spectacular.

And then he said, in a slightly strained voice, “I thought Alderaanian Sunlilys were extinct.”

The response came to her mouth unbidden, before she was even aware she was speaking. “You can always find them, if you know where to look.”

He glanced at Mel uncertainly. “Sunlilys used to bloom in the Royal Gardens of Sanael,” he said.

Kess could barely hear him over the ringing in her ears. “They will always bloom wherever there is Light.” No, no, no. Fate couldn’t have such a sick sense of humor.

Poe Dameron, sexiest one-night-stand she’d ever had, was the Resistance contact she’d been sent to find.

 

I don't know your OCs, but this was a hoot.

Although I, myself, don't have any interest in Mr. Dameron, I do understand the attraction he holds for the other gender. Fun little read.

- Thanks for sharing,
Onderon1

 

I'm glad you liked the first part, Onderon! These two just popped into my head one day while I was playing LEGO Star Wars. There is more, of course; you can't expect the mission to go this smoothly.

Part two, where things get worse...

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Mel was looking at them both as if they were crazy, clearly wondering how things had moved from romance to botany. Kess took a deep breath. “Didn’t you say you wanted to get in on that Tranch game over there?” she asked.

“No,” said Mel. She was enjoying her friend’s embarrassment. “I can wait until the pot gets bigger.”

“And you did say you wanted a drink.”

Mel propped her head on her hands and batted her eyes. “I can call the waitress over.”

Kess closed her eyes, counted to ten, and played her final card. “Bankari.” Mel’s eyes widened. She opened her mouth to protest, then glanced at Dameron.

“On second thought, I should probably get in on that game before it gets too high for me to stake it. Have fun and don’t do anything I wouldn’t do…which is a very low bar.” She sashayed away, still irritated, and Kess sank down.

“What is Bankari?” asked Dameron.

“A story she’d rather not have repeated.” Kess looked around. “We should go somewhere else.”

“Fine, but we need to make it look less suspicious.” He reached across the table and took her hands. “Try to look as if you’re enjoying this. If we walk off as if we were a couple, it will seem a lot more natural.”

Kess grimaced, then forced a smile. He was right. She laughed a little nervously. “So how long do we have to sit here until it seems plausible?”

“I dunno. A few minutes? I should probably buy you a drink.”

“Ah, the old ‘ply-her-with-booze-so-you-can-have-your-wicked-way-with-her’ trick?”

He grinned. “It worked before, didn’t it?”

This time her laugh was genuine. “I don’t know how to break it to you big guy, but *I* was the one playing that trick. And you fell right into my clutches.”

“I threw myself into your clutches. Willingly and with gusto. And then you disappeared.”

“Yeah, that’s the way it works.”

He frowned. She sighed. “Why does anyone go to clubs?” she asked. “A dance, a few drinks, a little fun…it’s not meant to be anything else. Especially not during Fleet Week.” She caressed his fingers. “And it was fun.”

“One of my favorite memories.”

“Yeah, mine too.” This was getting uncomfortable, and the clock was ticking. Kess felt as if the brooch was burning through her jacket to her skin. Time to step it up a notch. “So,” she said, reaching up to run her fingers through his hair, “do you think we’ve talked long enough to make things look natural?” He leaned across the table, and his lips brushed her ear.

“Yes,” he whispered, “let’s go.”

They stood up and he slipped his arm around her waist. She rested her head against his shoulder. He wasn’t heading towards the doorway. There was a stone staircase through an archway. Dameron tossed a credit chit towards a bored-looking Fannith sitting at the base.

“What’s this?” asked Kess.

“Maz keeps rooms upstairs. Crews who want to crash for a while, people who want privacy for…various reasons.”

“Got it.”

The room was large, dim, and looked old. Two long windows went from floor to ceiling, opening out on to narrow balconies overlooking the courtyard. A heavy wooden wardrobe, carved with some sort of vinework, stood between them. There was a fireplace to the right, with an actual fire burning in it, and a low, faded couch across from it. There were glowstones placed in metal filigree lampholders, creating mysterious and lovely shadows around the room. A door to the far left probably led to the relief area. Kess eyed the thick fur rug on the floor in front of the fireplace, and then looked across at the massive bed. Sheer draperies hung around it, suspended from heavy iron rods attached to the ceiling. The entire room was designed for seduction. Kess took a second long look at the bed. She took a deep breath. No recreation on a mission.

“Right,” said Dameron. “So, what’s your name, anyway?”

Kess reached into her pocket and took out a small device. She unscrewed the top half, adjusted it half a turn, and watched while the light turned green. “I don’t think we really want to get into names, do we?” she said. “I mean, under the circumstances…?”

He shrugged. “Well, I guess I could keep calling you Girl with the Lacy Blue—“

“—and of course the room isn’t secured yet.”

“Secured?”

Kess pulled out her commlink. “Becks?” she said.

There was a chirp from her droid. “I’ve got the jammer set up for intercept; can you patch through a quick scan for spyware?”

Becks blipped an affirmative. Poe was looking at the device with interest. “So that thing--?” he asked.

“Creates a white noise and jams any listening devices,” said Kess. “And if I patch in my droid, it can do a fuller scan to see if there are any other spy devices detected.”

“Where did you get that? Or shouldn’t I ask?”

“You shouldn’t ask. And if you did, I’d have to say it…fell off the back of a transport.”

“Got it.”

Kess looked at her datapad, reading the results of the scan. “Okay,” she said. “We’re clean.”

“So, Miss Blue--”

“Miss Blue?”

“Well, I have to call you something.” He smiled at her. “And under the circumstances, I can definitely remember that. I still have it, you know.”

Kess froze. “You have my…you kept it?”

“I was hoping to be able to return it.” He grinned. “Imari’s Indulgences, size medium?”

Kess didn’t want to think about how red her face was right now. It was definitely safer to change the subject. She fumbled at the brooch. “Right, well, uh, we think the First Order is working on—“

The door flew open. Kess jumped back, startled, while Poe’s hand went to the holster on his hip. Kess caught her breath. The three thugs from downstairs. First Order. Damn, she hated it when she was right.

“Don’t move!” growled the first one. A woman sidled through the door, not quite human. She wore a dull green overall, and had pale blue hair piled in a knot at the back of her head.

“You’ve found the Resistance pilot,” she said coolly, looking Poe over. She turned to look at Kess.

Poe took a deep breath. “She’s got nothing to do with this,” he said. “Let her go and I’ll come quietly.”

The woman arched an eyebrow, and turned her attention back to Kess. “Meeting with Captain Antilles, the leader of Rogue Squadron.”

Damn you, Hobbie Klivian! From the corner of her eye, she could see him look at her with disbelief, but her mind was already racing, running through possibilities and scenarios.

The woman looked at the thugs. “Take them both.”


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Stay tuned...

 

Hope everyone is enjoying this! If you thought it was just a little romantic fic, think again...

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The woman looked at the thugs. “Take them both.”

“That doesn’t work for me!” Dameron had his blaster out and took a wild shot at the closest thug. Kess couldn’t reach hers as easily, and she wasn’t about to waste precious seconds on a snappy retort. She threw herself backwards over the couch in an ungainly somersault, managing somehow to land on her feet, and bracing her shoulder against the back. She pushed as hard as she could, ramming the couch towards the guy in front of her. It hit him mid-thigh as he frantically tried to get a shot over the back, but she kept going, pushing him straight into the fireplace.

He screamed as he fell backwards into the flames and she rolled over her right shoulder towards the woman, who had taken a wild shot at her. There hadn’t been time to aim, and although Kess felt a tingle at the back of her neck, it had missed her. She’d came up on her feet again, in a deep crouch, and rose up quickly, grappling for the hand holding the blaster.

The woman snarled at her, and grabbed Kess’s throat with her free hand, squeezing hard. Kess used her body weight, throwing herself against the woman and slamming her up against the wall. The woman’s grip loosened slightly, and Kess used her wrist and a well placed leg to pivot around, putting the woman between herself and the other thug. He was still on fire, and trying to climb over the couch, aiming the blaster at her. With his partner as Kess’s shield, he didn’t dare risk a shot.

The woman’s grip on Kess’s throat tightened. With no air and bright spots beginning to flash in front of her eyes, Kess took her left hand, hooked her thumb and thrust it into the woman’s eye, gouging deep. The woman screamed, instinctively pulling away and doubling over in pain, and Kess was able to wrest the blaster away from her, firing it wildly at the thug who had made it over the couch. She got his shoulder, knocking him back. The half-blind woman had her by the waist, trying to pull her down, but now Kess had both hands free; she wrapped her arms around her opponent’s head and twisted. There was a sickening crunching sound, and the woman fell to the ground, very still. Now on one knee, Kess could aim at the thug, who was still moving towards her, firing wildly past her head, and she dropped him with a second shot, right to the chest.

She looked to see how Dameron was doing. The Jinvarran was on the ground, probably dead. Poe and the remaining man were wrestling, rolling around on the ground, with each trying to get the upper hand. While they seemed to be evenly matched in skill, the other guy was larger, and definitely had an advantage. Kess ran over, watching for a chance, and slammed the butt of the blaster down on the back of his head, as hard as she could. He was stunned but not out, pulling away, enough to give Poe a chance to grab his own blaster and shoot.

For a moment they just stood there, looking around and trying to catch their breath. Kess glanced at the first thug she’d shot, realizing that he was still on fire and the couch was now alight. She grabbed up the coverlet from the bed and began to try to smother it. Poe pulled off his jacket and helped.

“Captain Antilles,” he said stiffly. “Nice to meet you. I’m Poe Dameron. Formerly of Rapier Squadron.”

“I know.” She sighed. “It’s Kestrel.”

“Kestrel?”

“My name. My friends call me Kess.”

They got the last of the flames out, and she turned to look at the woman, lying on the floor with her head at an unnatural angle. Kess swallowed hard. Poe looked at her. “Are you okay?” he asked. She nodded. She ran her fingers through her hair, realizing too late that they were still covered with the woman’s blood.

“Here you are!” sang Mel, pushing her way through the door with a smirk. “What have you two been—“ She broke off, looking around the room in disbelief. “What…what have you two been doing?” She bent to take a closer look at one of the thugs. “Are these guys dead?

Kess sighed, sinking down on to the bed. “I sure hope so,” she said.

Mel looked from Poe to Kess. “Okay, I’m all for fun between two or three consenting adults,” she said, “but I gotta say, this is a little too kinky.” She took another look. “Aren’t these the guys from downstairs?”

“Yes. First Order thugs,” said Poe.

“First Order?” She looked to Kess for an explanation. “What’s—“

“You know,” said Kess, “the group that did the Napkin Bombing a few years ago.”

Mel frowned. “But…they got all those guys,” she said. “The ringleader committed suicide.”

“That one cell was caught, but they were part of a bigger organization.”

“But…but why would they be after you? I mean, apart from the obvious.”

“I’m afraid they’ve been tracking me,” said Poe. “I’m with the Resistance.”

Mel looked from one to the other. “There’s a Resistance? To what?” She looked at Kess. “I think I’m missing something.”

Kess hesitated, wondering how to explain this without blowing the mission. Poe saved her.

“I was sent here to meet with Captain Antilles, to ask for help in our fight against the First Order. They see themselves as successors to the Empire, dedicated to destroying the Republic and restoring the old days.”

Mel’s jaw dropped. She looked at Kess. “You came here to meet him…on purpose? This…wait a minute, wait a minute…we’re on a secret mission?”

“Yes, it’s a secret mission, but I didn’t know I’d be meeting with—“

“We’re on a secret mission and you didn’t tell me?”

Kess frowned. “WE are not on a secret mission, *I* am on a secret mission and I didn’t tell you because IT’S A SECRET! Let me point out, you weren’t invited, you invited yourself!”

Mel dropped to her knees and began going through the dead woman’s pockets. “If I’d known it was a secret mission, I would’ve dressed for it,” she muttered. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me.”

Kess looked at Poe helplessly. “Should we alert the authorities?”

“What authorities?”

“Well, there are four dead people on the floor, we should alert someone!”

“We should probably just get out of here before someone notices.”

Mel snorted. “Please,” she said, “like these are the first people who have ever been killed at Maz’s place.”

Kess looked at the small pile of objects accumulating on the floor beside her friend. “Are you robbing the body?” she said, horrified. Mel sat back on her heels and arched an eyebrow.

“Do they have ID? Do they have commlinks? Do they have tracking devices? Are they carrying anything that might give you more information about who else they’re working with, where they’re based or who’s supporting them? And you call yourself a spy!”

“I’m not a spy!” protested Kess. That was becoming more obvious with each passing minute.

“They probably made sure not to have anything like that,” said Poe, “but it’s a good point.” He started going through the pockets of the half-roasted thug. Kess shook her head helplessly, and worked over the Janvarran. At the next Old Rogues’ Reunion, she was going to have a lot to say to General Klivian about his damned Law.

“Right,” said Mel finally, “I don’t see any obvious tracking devices, but there’s a datapad with this one and the commlinks could be used to locate them.”

“I’ll take the datapad,” Poe said. “If they’re tracking me anyway, it won’t make a difference, and General Organa might be able to get something useful off it.”

Mel looked puzzled. “General Organa?”

“Princess Leia,” explained Kess.

Poe grinned. “No one calls her that anymore.”

“Sweetie, we’ve been calling her that since we learned to talk,” said Mel. She eyed the woman’s boots thoughtfully, placing the sole of her own up against them.

Kess was appalled. “You are not thinking of stealing boots off a dead woman!” she said.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” said Mel. “They’d never fit me. Much too big.” She grabbed the woman’s ankles and started to drag her towards the relief area.

“Where are you going?” asked Poe.

“Like my Daddy always says…friends bail you out of jail. Real friends help you get rid of the body. Grab those guys, will you?”

Poe stared after her and looked at Kess. “Is she always like this?” he asked.

The young Corellian pilot sighed. “You’ve never met her sisters, have you?”

The relief room was cold, with stone walls and a wooden plank over a stone bench. A few holes of various shapes and sizes were designed for the needs of the patrons. Mel pulled up the seat, which was hinged to the wall. A dark pit with a fetid smell was underneath it. She grabbed the woman under her arms, hoisting her up to the edge.

Kess swallowed. “You’re just going to dump them--?”

“What else would we do with them? The moat monsters will take care of them.”

“Moat…monsters?”

Poe helped, heaving the woman’s ankles upwards. There was a soft sound, and then she dropped into the darkness. Kess listened, but didn’t hear any sort of splash. Reluctantly, she helped them with the half-roasted thug. He was larger, but the pit was fairly large, and he, too, slipped down easily.

“There aren’t really moat monsters, are there?” she said plaintively.

“How do you think that lake stays so clean? They take care of all the waste this place creates.” Mel looked at Poe. “I thought you two had only met the one time.”

“We did. I was as surprised as she was.”

Mel looked back and forth, huffing a little as they trundled thug number two to the pit. “But Kess said she was sent here to meet you.”

“I was sent here to meet a contact from the Resistance; I didn’t know who they’d be sending,” said Kess.

With a heave, the second thug disappeared into the pit, and they went for the last one. Mel and Kess each took an ankle, while Poe struggled with the shoulders.

“So,” gasped Mel, “the terrorists are called the First Order and they’re trying to re-establish the Empire.”

“Right,” said Poe. “Wow, this guy is heavy.”

“I don’t…think he’s going…to fit,” said Kess.

“Isn’t anyone trying to stop them? Why isn’t anyone saying anything about this?” Mel looked at Kess. “Does your father know about this?”

“Who do you think sent me?” They got the thug into the relief room and paused to catch their breath. Kess looked from the man to the pit. She was pretty sure he wasn’t going to fit. She looked at Mel.

“Do you remember, when Princess Leia left the Senate? After it came out that Darth Vader was her biological father? She submitted that report, right before she left, about her investigation into the Napkin bombing.”

Mel thought. “She said something about it.”

“Too bad no one actually read it,” said Poe, glaring at the last corpse.

“My father did,” said Kess. “Several times. He compared it to a few other intelligence reports he’d received, and realized that a lot of supposedly random events suddenly seemed to have a connection. Unfortunately, he wasn’t able to convince the Senate Military Coordination Committee that there was a credible threat. Like everyone else, they figured the group was a one-time thing and no one was going to listen to anything Darth Vader’s daughter had to say. All he could do was try to keep tabs on things, and interpret any other intel reports against the possibility of an ongoing action.” She hesitated. “That’s pretty much when I started doing some…extra-curricular projects for him, just simple stuff, gathering information, visiting places and making observations…stuff I could do in my free time.”

Mel frowned. “How big a threat are they?”

“Hard to say.”

“Big enough and growing in strength,” said Poe. “We’ve had a few battles in the Outer Rim.” He shook his head. “My dad was a Pathfinder. He always said they’d won the war, and then the politicians threw away the peace. Too many ex-Imperials got away, and the few they got had show trials and most of them got off too lightly.” Mel and Kess nodded. They’d both heard that, too, from many veterans.

“All right,” said Mel. “Last one.”

“He’s awfully big,” said Kess, eyeing the relief pit doubtfully.

“It’ll be fine.” The three lifted the man by the shoulders, and pushed him down into the pit. “Push harder!” said Mel.

“He won’t fit!”

“Push!” A few more minutes of struggle and they fell back, staring helplessly at the legs sticking up over the edge of the relief pit.

“Told you so,” muttered Kess. Poe ran his fingers through his hair.

“Now what?” he said.

Mel eyed the legs, and looked hopefully at Poe and Kess. “I don’t suppose either one of you has a lightsaber?”

---

End coming soon...

 

This is the last part. Short, a little fluffy...hope everyone enjoyed it.

---

Ten minutes later, Kess was standing at one of the windows, gratefully gulping down the cool air and hoping that her stomach would settle. They’d managed to deal with the last body, but she really didn’t want to think about how they’d managed it. Mel had taken the credits from the bodies and had gone down to pay Maz for the damage to the room and to tell the old pirate what had happened. She swore that Maz would be understanding.

Poe walked over to Kess. “You okay?”

“Yeah.”

“You looked a little green.”

“I’m okay now.” She looked over at him. “I’m sorry about all this.”

“It’s not your fault. It’s pretty obvious those guys were tracking me.”

Kess looked out at the courtyard. The sun was high in the sky, and the morning mist had burned off. “It’s different in a starfighter, isn’t it?” she said. “You shoot, there’s an explosion, maybe some debris, but that’s all. No body, almost no biological material…it’s very clean. You never have to look in their faces. So you never really think of them as people.” She traced a carving with her finger. “All that training in Escape and Evasion, you know, where they teach you how to kill people with your bare hands?” She sighed again. “I always thought it was theoretical. I never thought I’d ever actually use it.” She hesitated. “I never thought it would actually work.”

Poe frowned. “You’re not feeling guilty for any of this, I hope?” he said. “Neither one of us could afford to be captured. I’d have been tortured, forced to reveal information about the Resistance, then killed. At best, you’d be used as a pawn and a propaganda ploy. At worst, they could try to coerce your father into betraying the Republic by secretly supporting them.”

Kess snorted. “They could try,” she said. “They’d never succeed. Even to save me, he would never go along with them.” He knew if he did, she would never forgive him.

“But they could use you to discredit him, too. He’d be forced into retirement.” Poe grinned. “Of course, it would be our gain. The Resistance could always use another pilot.” Kess chuckled.

“Nothing would make him happier than to be back in an X-wing, blowing TIE fighters out of the sky,” she said, “although Mom would be pretty upset. But Dad knows that the head of Starfighter Command is a lot more valuable to the Resistance than some crusty old cockpit jockey. Otherwise, he’d have retired years ago, so he could get away from all the politics.”

“Crusty old cockpit jockey?”

“I’m quoting.” She looked up at him, then fished a small velvet pouch from her pocket and unclasped the brooch from her jacket. She indicated the crystal at the center of the golden petals. “I’m sure Princess Leia has access to a microdata reader? If she takes out the crystal, it’s all on there. There’s nothing classified, so if she’s found with it, no one can accuse her of stealing, but everything has been checked against information that is classified. So, as far as we know, what’s on there is accurate.” She hesitated. “The First Order is working on something called Project Starkiller.”

“Starkiller?” Poe frowned. “What is that, exactly?”

“We have no idea. Could be a base, could be a weapon, could be a starship. There just isn’t enough data yet. They’re spending a lot of money, though, and Sienar’s got two hidden shipyards turning out TIE fighters by the gross.”

“Does the Republic know about this?”

“Yes. I don’t think they believe it. Not that any of the Senate gives a damn.” Kess shook her head. “They won’t act! Acknowledging it means they’d have to take action, and they are so desperate for peace that they’re going to ignore the problem.” She slipped the brooch into the pouch. “We’ve also got a list of people we believe are supporting the First Order, monetarily and in other ways. Politicians, civil servants, military personnel, media, corporate types…I don’t know how much help that will be but if anyone can figure out how to use it, she will.”

Poe nodded, and took the pouch, weighing it in his hand. “You could just give me the crystal.”

Kess smiled. “The brooch is for the Princess. Dad said to wish her a happy belated birthday.” She walked around the wreckage of the room, looking for her jamming device, and putting it in her pocket.

Poe slipped the brooch into one pocket, and the First Order datapad into another. “Why—“ he began. There was a crackle and a woman’s cultured voice came into the room.

“Team One, report.” The two young pilots stared at each other and looked around wildly. “Team One, have you found the Resistance pilot?”

“Commlink,” groaned Kess. They searched quickly and frantically, finding the missing commlink under what was left of the rug.

“Team Two, move in.”

Poe took a deep breath. “We’d better go.” They went into the hallway, moving towards the stairs, and whirled at quick, light footsteps behind them. Mel trotted up, breathless.

“I told Maz about the thugs and the room. She wasn’t happy, of course, but she said it’s all fine.”

The commlink sputtered. This was a male voice, with a slight accent. “Team Two, we copy, we are moving in.”

Mel’s eyes widened. “MORE of them?”

“Looks like.” They took the stairs quickly, and froze at the bottom. They could see a new group in the bar, clearly military in spite of their civilian clothes. Two more human males, a Rodian, and a Fessh. They were scanning the room, coolly.

“They’re looking for us,” said Poe grimly, moving his hand to his holster.

Kess sucked her teeth. “Mel, is there a back way out?” she said.

“There are a few,” said her friend. Her body was tense, ready for action.

“Take Poe and get him out of here.”

Poe frowned. “What are you going to do?”

Kess grinned. “Cause trouble. It’s what Rogue Squadron does best.”

“I can’t leave you here!”

“You’ve got to get that to Princess Leia. I’ll be fine.”

“But—“

“Trust me!”

Mel grabbed Poe’s sleeve. “She’s right, she’ll be fine. She’s Corellian. Let’s go.”

He turned to glance at her as Mel pulled him away. “You still owe me Round Two!”

Kess grinned. “I’ll think about it.”

She ambled towards the group who were moving through the bar, noting the groups at the tables around them. She didn’t move out of their path, and instead deliberately walked right into the human male at the front.

“Hey, watch it!” she snapped. He gave her a shove.

“Out of the way!”

Kess shoved back. “What did you say?” she said loudly. The man opened his mouth to reply, but she cut him off. “You’d better take that back. I’ll have you know, some of my best friends are Shistaven! What are you, some kind of Humanist or something?” The Shistavens sitting at the table nearby turned to look at them, as she’d hoped.

The man growled. “I never said—“ Kess pushed him again, as hard as she could, knocking him back into the other three. The Rodian lunged towards her, but she stepped out of the way, and he lost his balance, falling into a table of tattered looking people, who had been deep in a game of Sabacc, knocking drinks, cards and chits to the floor.

A large Yuruss lurched drunkenly to his feet. “Hey!” he snarled. “I was winning, you saplor!” Kess slowly began to back away, keeping her back to the pillar behind her.

“You?” A human woman snorted. “You barely had a double Star, you loser!”

One of the First Order team looked sharply at Kess, suddenly catching on. “I’m sorry,” he said, “this is all just a misund-“ The Yuruss howled, and punched him in the face. There was a crunch of bone, a spray of blood, and all hell broke loose. The tables were bolted to the floor, but nothing else was. Chairs, cups, cards, chance cubes, food chunks, fists, bodies, flying through the air, rolling along the floor as war broke out in the room.

Kess focused on avoiding all of them while quickly and quietly making her way to the exit. There was more to flying with Rogue Squadron than just great piloting skills. There were a lot of other things one was expected to know. How to start bar fights wasn’t in the actual manual, but you couldn’t call yourself a Rogue if you couldn’t pull that off.

She smiled to herself as she emerged into the sunny courtyard and walked briskly across the cobblestones towards her ship. Mel was there, perched on the ramp of her Starrunner.

“So you’re okay?” she said.

“Of course.”

“Classic bar fight?”

“An oldie but a goodie. And they fall for it every time.” Kess shook her head. “Did Poe get off okay?”

“Yes. He wanted to go back in and help you. I managed to convince him that whatever that mission is was more important. It is, isn’t it?”

“Yeah, it is.”

Mel leaned back on her elbows and looked at Kess. “We have a lot to talk about,” she said seriously. “You didn’t tell me!”

“Mel, I couldn’t.”

“Well, I know now.”

Kess cocked her head. “Yes, you do. You know that we are fighting a secret war that our government won’t acknowledge. And I could potentially get arrested or court-martialed if they find out what I’m doing. There are a lot of risks, Mel. That’s why I was hoping to keep you out of it.”

“You’ll tell me next time, though.”

“Next time?”

“There will be a next time.” Mel stood up, brushing off the seat of her shorts, and looked at her friend defiantly.

Kess crossed her arms. “Read Princess Leia’s report. Then talk to my dad, or to Uncle Tycho. Then you can decide if there will be a next time. You shouldn’t get involved unless you know for certain what you’re getting involved in.”

Mel shook her head. “You are my sister, even though we have completely different parents,” she said. “If you believe enough to be involved, then it’s good enough for me. But I’ll humor you. I’ll read the report. Now, about Captain Sexypants—“

“Who?!”

“Poe Dameron. Will you think about Round Two?”

Kess blushed. “Oh, come on, Mel,” she said. “We’re fighting a war. The odds that I’ll see him again in a recreational capacity are…well, never mind the odds. I just don’t see our paths crossing. And besides, now he’s a friend. I can’t get…’romantic’ with friends!”

Mel rolled her eyes. “Okay, because I’m family I can say this,” she said. “There is nothing wrong about getting romantic with friends. In fact, it’s a lot better than getting it on with strangers. Two, three, five, twenty times, even! It might lead to a relationship!”

Kess winced. “You HAD to say the R word, didn’t you?” she grumbled.

“There’s nothing wrong with relationships.”

“Until they’re over, and you’ve lost a friendship. How can I risk that?”

“Seriously? You need help. Professional help. Promise me, promise me, that if the chance for Round Two comes up, you’ll take it.”

Kess sighed, and turned to head towards her ship. “I’ll think about it, if and only if it comes up, which it probably won’t.” She hesitated. “After all, I think he still has my underwear.”


THE END

 

One of the things this newbie has to tell this oldbie is: we can't keep up with that much in such a short amount of time, because a lot of us are these unbelievable dorks who like to leave long, detailed comments. This post pretty much explains it. I say this as somebody who was drafting a response to the first three chapters last night and then, boom, there was a new one - four of them within a week. Head.spinning.

So, on to the actual comment. For the whole thing.

While my gender *is* the one that fawns over Poe Dameron/Oscar Isaac, unlike @Onderon1's, my taste is very limited and I'm afraid that he's not my type...

...which does not mean that I did not enjoy the story! It was so witty, fun and enjoyable...OK, apart from the bloodbath.

Part One & the story overall

First of all - if I got this right...these are the daughters of no other than Wedge and Lando getting in trouble? Wasn't that combo screaming trouble all along? Either way, an extremely cool idea to make the next generation totally grrl power, in a way! And they may appear more responsible than their dads at first, but then...ha!

Loved how the random people sitting in the cantina will turn out to be the villains in the story. Kess was right to assume that there was supposed to be only one contact, but it's so very common not to listen to one's own hunches, isn't it?

Mel is a fun character from the moment she appears - she sure doesn't know what "incognito" means, does she? Like, even her ship and her outfit result in first-degree kitsch burns. My eyes! And if she's a better option for Kess than her sisters, then I guess Kess' family is...lovely. On the other hand, I can totally see how she, with her poor mommy passing away, would spend more time with somebody other than her dad. And she's got contacts, the way he would.

“Only downside of Maz’s place is that there aren’t enough hot guys,” she finished. - Yup, her dad's daughter, all right...

Kess is a perfect counterpart to Mel - she appears modest, having a strong sense of duty and then we find out that she has a naughty side. And one'd think that whatever happens on Coruscant during the Fleet Week would...stay on Coruscant? But noooo way.

The thoughts racing in both of the girls' heads at the moment Poe turns out to be the one they were looking for are very believable, even though romcoms may have normalised them in a way that makes fun of women by now. Here, they are not disrespectful in any way and they make perfect sense. The way Kess confesses that pilots may not be the best match for, well, anybody, the way she wonders if Poe is having a "my eyes are up here" moment - it all makes perfect sense. And then they both turn awkward and talk about...botany? Bwahahahaha!

Part Two

OK, I did not expect a brand of lingerie named after an Avon lotion. Not at all. But even that was hilarious. In combination with Poe and Kess trying to determine which one of them was in control that one time they got together. Miss.Blue. I can't even!

And Mel? It's a very low bar, yet...we totally know that it happened at Bankari (hehe, that means "bankers" in my native language) and...she will stop once that's mentioned.

Part Three

This would've been pretty frightening had it there not been for Mel's confusion and for the gems such as "moat monsters". Good action scenes!

Part Four

Now, I am not sure which of these things are spoilers for Bloodlines and/or Aftermath as I have not read either, but if the brooch idea is an invention of your own, it's great and it makes sense. It also makes sense that the Republic would not trust the Resistance until the moment Hosnian Prime and its system are the first target of the Starkiller weapon.

...

So, please, whatever you have sworn to do - DON'T DO IT. Moar fanfic, plz!

P.S. Great fanon all around, too - things just feel real. There's even "piece of ryshcate".

 

Goodness, Ewok Poet, that was a much longer comment from anything I'm used to, and very complimentary. I think I blushed reading it all the way through. Thank you so much for all your kind words. I did post the segments all pretty quickly, but my personal rule is to finish the entire first draft before posting any of it. Then I can post each segment as I tweak it. This wasn't a long story, so it went up pretty fast.

When TFA came out, my friend & I were talking about how it was too bad Billy Dee Williams couldn't make an appearance, and we were speculating on what Lando was doing in his retirement. I had a sudden vision of him lounging on a tropical beach, surrounded by beautiful young women in skimpy swimsuits...all of them his daughters who were fussing over him... "Daddy, you need to come in out of the sun!" "Daddy, did you remember to take your pill?" "Daddy, I know you're not drinking Corellian whiskey; don't you remember what the doctor said?" And while I was playing the LEGO game I had a vision of Mel strutting off her spaceship on Takodana... So, in my little alternate version of Star Wars, Mel is one of seven strong-willed sisters. In fairness to her, she had no idea they were going to Takodana for a mission; she really just thought it was going to be a fun girls' weekend with her bestie... I am pondering what she would decide to wear if she DID know it was a secret mission...probably something that screams, "Look! I'm a SPY!"

Kess is responsible when she's on a mission, having gone through the Academy and being a serving officer and a military brat and all, but she is the wild child of her family, so when she's off duty... She has an older sister, who she often butts heads with. Danae isn't really into partying, has no piloting skills whatsoever, and is not happy when Kess claims she was clearly left on the doorstep by Ewoks. Her older brother is much more laid back, and she gets along pretty well with him. To her mother's everlasting disappointment, she followed her father into the Starfighter Corps, instead of getting a nice, safe, dull desk job.

The brooch was indeed my idea (a spoof of all those spy novels where the contact is supposed to wear a red carnation and carry a copy of Paris Match). The Napkin Bombing and Princess Leia's report on the First Order come from Bloodlines. But everything is AU, so I figured I'd just pick a bit of this and a bit of that! And I do think to work in fanon, old canon or new canon helps keep the flavor of Star Wars, so I like to do it when I can. I don't think it passes the Bechdel test, though.

I was trying to wean myself off of fanfic because I wanted to write some original stuff. But when the plot bunnies bite... I don't think I've heard the last from these two. We'll see.

Thanks again, Ewok Poet!

 

I was waiting until Finds posted her comment in order to reply to yours. Anyway, yes, not many comments but those you do get being like this - you'll get used to it. I'm not the only person who does it...there are at least three others who do. And that could be a beginning of...wait, what did they say in Casablanca, once again?

If nothing else, can we at least get you to start reposting your old stuff?

And in his world, that would actually make sense. Girls see the way he dresses and find an, err, girl version of his eccentric outfits. But still, they probably lose it with him every now and then. And you know and I know that their outfits are there for reasons other than attracting people. Which is awesome!

And that thing I bolded is totally a plot bunny.

From the same mom or...up to seven different moms? Bwahahahaha, Lando, deal with it.

And I can't imagine that, either...but some female version of Disco Stu and Duffman's illegitimate offspring comes to mind.

I think we have an ISTJ there...Danae, that is. She could hang out with one of my ISTJs, a certain Maris Inesedam-Vorr. Maris is about 40-45 at the time of the battle of Endor, so she is a very old lady around this timeframe. Hmmm, say, is the mom a lot like Danae herself, too?

And no, no, no, noooooooooooooooooooooooo....we don't leave our children for reasons like that! A good medicine man or woman would totally try all the recipes they have to make the child furry again! #teebo2016

Thanks for the clarification.

SAYWHAT? How do we determine what's thirty seconds in a story? I...don't think we can. Plus, even if we could, the moment where the girls talk about their childhoods is totally not about men. And even if it wasn't for that, given that the fact that Kess' and Mel's fawning over Poe contributes to the plot, I don't think it should pass it. Now, if it was not a part of the overall mess-up, if it was there for no reason...now, that would make it cringe-worthy. This way, the story has a plot that's terrifying, BUT fun. Not many writers can pull that off without downright objectifying their own characters.

 

This is me, after reading more of these comments!


I’m so glad you enjoyed it, Findswoman. I’ve seen your comments in other threads, always very thoughtful.

I think Mel has the reputation for being a lightweight, not interested in much beyond finding the next party and a sweet pair of shoes, but I think it's because she hasn't found her purpose yet. Yes, I think Mel will turn out to be a force to be reckoned with! And she'll surprise everyone...except Kess, who knows she's solid gold to the core.

I'll have to see if I can find it, Ewok Poet. My old computer DIED, as in even the repair shop couldn't resuscitate it. But if I can find any of the old threads, I'll see if I can do it. Assuming, of course, I am not cringing... "What was I thinking?!"

I don't know what an ISTJ is. I looked on your OC descriptor thread, and it mentioned that Maris worked at the Museum on Corellia. I don't know if it was an art museum or a history museum, but since Danae is getting her degree in archaeology, I wouldn't be surprised if they'd met on occasion. Maybe Maris was a guest lecturer or something? Consulted her for the dissertation? Danae isn't really horrible, she just worries too much about what other people think of her. Her idea of a wild night out is a pitcher of margaritas (or the galactic equivalent) and a heated discussion at her book group. She would never, ever, EVER hook up with a random stranger in a nightclub on Coruscant, no matter how hot he was! She might give him her comm info, though...

Mrs. General (I'm not sure what her name is yet) is actually a bit like the serious, responsible side of Kess. She was a fighter pilot in the Rebellion, a highly-decorated X-wing ace. She had a hard war, saw a lot of very close friends die, saw Imperial cruelty first-hand. So naturally she wants her kids to have safe, peaceful lives where they are home in time for dinner and aren't continually on long deployments and missions that take them away from loved ones. She doesn't want them to go through what she did. (As far as she is concerned, the only good thing to come out of the war was Wedge...)

Anyway...there are two bunnies nudging with me, so yes, safe to say we may not have seen the last of these two.

 

......besides, I think he still has my underwear. Genius!

 

gg

 

Glad you liked it, Kurisan! This is just one of those times where the plot bunnies bit hard and I had to write it to get them off my back. Mel will be glad to have Maya around to corrupt hang out with, since Kess is usually deployed with her squadron.

And to everyone who nominated and voted for this in the 2017 Fan Fiction Awards, thank you all so much!

 

I love Kess. She's her father's daughter all right. The banter was terrific with Poe. He really is the ST version of Kyp Durron LOL !!!!!!!