Holding On (A Dark JA Short Story)

Here it is.... if anyone's interested. I'm not too happy with this part, it's not flowing too well..

***
4 Hours Left : The Best Friend

Some things, once broken can never be put back together again. There are just no second chances. Sometimes, just by reading the signs, the future is made known to us. But knowledge does not always mean action. The difference in one's life often depends on the use of this knowledge. The foolish will regard all as hopelessness and give up, moaning about the loss. The wise knows that the future is always in motion and try to take back what is rightfully theirs even when failure is inevitable.

Which one are you?

****
They've been drifting apart.

Oh, it wasn't something they noticed at first. He was always away and she was busy with her training back at the temple. He was back in Coruscant only four times in the past 2 years and each time, staying for not more than a month each time, changed a little, both physically and mentally. How could he not? He has seen much in his travels, the tenacity of a civilization, the brutality of war and the darkness of the human soul. A little taller perhaps, a little more mature. When once they shared almost every thought and opinion, his views have been reshaped by experience. It was hard to keep track of those changes, so very hard to adapt, so much so that he appeared a stranger to her every time he returned. What made things worst was that she has changed too. She was growing and he wasn't around. She found herself floundering around him, searching for topics to fill up the awkward gaps in conversations that cropped up more frequently each time. When they finally regain some ground and the relationship started becoming more comfortable again, it was time for him to leave. The time between letters grew longer and the letters themselves grew shorter. And she got used to not having him around.

Oh, they both saw what was happening. They both saw and knew but neither acknowledged it. Denial was easier to deal with. To step up and say that something was wrong would have hurt and neither one wanted to deal with pain when there were so many other constant upheavals in their lives. Better to continue believing in an illusion than to have none at all, easier to pretend that all was well than to admit that the friendship might not survive time and space. They've been each other's anchor for so long that the thought that being set adrift was far more frightening than facing the truth.

And so the distance grew.

It might have gone on for far longer if not for Obi-Wan's familiarity with death. He had been on this planet for peace negotiations when he almost drowned. It wasn't the first time he faced death but it both of them to the core. It was close, very close. They almost couldn't get him to start breathing again. That brush of death was the nudge they both needed in the right direction. He realized he couldn't go on knowing that he might lose his best friend while the depth of fear she felt when she heard the news would stay with her forever. It was true what they say. You don't know what you might lose until it is almost taken away.

When he finally returned to Coruscant, Bant met him at the landing pad, running into his embrace not caring who was watching. His steady heartbeat convinced her that he was very much alive. His strong arms around her reminded what she had almost lost. Her best friend. Her rock. The other part of her soul.

They've been inseparable since, talking, laughing, crying, using the memories they shared to rediscover each other. Remembering the old and accepting the new. He has changed but inside, he was still the same Obi-Wan Kenobi who shared almost twelve years of her life, through the tears and laughter. And she was the same Bant, the same best friend who was a one of the few people he trusted with his very soul. Talking and sharing their fears solved a great many things. They've been together for so long until the Qui-Gon came into his life and suddenly, his whole world revolved around his M

 

[This message has been edited by Eryce (edited 04-24-2000).]

 

Okay, now, that is just plain cruel!!

Please write some more! now!

It's flowing just fine, so keep it flowing.....uh, yeah... see why I don't write?

 

What happened to them? they were just swimming there talking and all the sudden they almost died? post more !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Jessica Kenobi

 

What was in the water? What's happening?
Come back Eyrce I've got to know more?

 

AGHHHHHHHHH I NEED MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry I just had to get that out of my system. LOL.

Kim B

 

Does this mean that Bant is dead?
NO!

Please post! Remember:

Obi torture good
Fan torture NOT good!

 

Aaaargh!! Need more!!! Pleeeeease??

 

If you don't post more soon. I will....um I don't know. I'll have to think about that one.

Kithera

 

I don't know if I've told you....but this is VERY good. LOL
Just thought I'd drop in and tell ya.

 

Soulful...very soulful. I love this so far.

Please, don't stop...post more.

 

Ok.. this is taking a whole lot longer than I originally expected... *sigh*

New post later...

 

Only 3 more parts left. Do I hear sighs of relief there? Umm.. I hope you don't find this part a little repetitive. I seemed to have gone a little overboard with the descriptions. *cringe*

***

3 Hours Left : Hope and Sacrifice

How much would you give for love?

How much can you give?

How much is too much?

***

"An-Paj? How is he?" The Master asked anxiously while the Healer examined the patient. Fear made him unwilling to release that tiny hand he held, afraid that if he let go, the tiny spark of life that lingered still would slip away beyond his reach.

"His lungs are getting worse." The agony that flared in Qui-Gon's eyes wrenched An-Paj's heart. He rubbed his eyes tiredly, suddenly feeling all of his fifty plus years. There were days when he questioned his calling in the healing arts. To see so much suffering in one so young and being unable to do anything about it?.. he wanted to rant at the heavens, throw a chair, even hurt those b*stards that did this. This anger he felt, it was almost like a physical pain that threatened to overwhelm him. He Taking a deep breath, he released the all his feelings into the Force.

/Think. Don't feel. Take control. You won't help anyone if you break down now./

"Qui-Gon." No reply. An-Paj sighed heavily. Right now, he was more worried about the Masters involved than their Padawans. Mace distraught and Qui-Gon, well, An-Paj refused to even contemplate how Qui-Gon would react if Obi-Wan ever?. No, this wasn't the time for pessimism. Obi-Wan will make it. They'll BOTH make it. He sighed deeply again. He has been doing that a lot in these past few hours. He put a hand on Qui-Gon's shoulder, shaking him lightly to get his attention.

"Qui-Gon, listen to me. There's still hope. The children are still fighting in there and as long as they're not giving up, neither are we." A mute nod was the only sign the Master heard him. Those haunted eyes never straying from Obi-Wan's face, searching, searching tirelessly for something? anything?any signs that he might be getting better. Watching Qui-Gon like that, it became too much for this Healer who has seen his share of pain and suffering. An-Paj turned away, trying to regain his composure, his much needed serenity. Death was an enemy he fought everyday in battles he sometimes lost.

There is no death, there is only the Force.

How many times has he used that same phrase to comfort those left behind? Too many. There is no death. Would that bring comfort to the Jedi Master in the next room, standing vigil over a young girl who may never swim again, never to experience her first kiss, never grace the universe with her gentle smile. There is only the Force. Tell that to he who was faced with the loss of a young boy whose intelligence and diligence for knowledge was surpassed only by his capacity to love.

There is no death, there is only the Force.

Somebody tell them. An-Paj cannot.

****
More later...

[This message has been edited by Eryce (edited 04-27-2000).]

 

Continuing from the last post...

***

/Bant?/

Silence.

/Bant!!!!/

There was a spike of panic Bant made no reply. Obi-Wan had been on the verge of letting it all go, when he heard ?

Goodbye, Obi! I love you?..

That gentle voice weakening even as his best friend said her farewells was enough to jerk him back into a suffocating reality. Almost immediately, the voices started assaulting him. Sleep, they said, pulling him under even as he struggled to reach the surface. Only the thoughts of Bant kept him from giving in. Bant laughing. Bant holding him as he cried. Bant with her gentle silver eyes. To lose her?.

/No! I won't lose her! Not to this place?./

Save her he must but to do that, he had to save himself from falling into the same abyss of oblivion. So, Obi-Wan fought. He fought with everything he had, determined to get past the misty curtain that shielded him from really knowing. He wrestled against a faceless bodiless opponent, one who drained his will to live. He fought to remember, to regain back memories that were rightfully his. He would not let himself be lost in this empty void.

Finally, Obi-Wan opened his eyes. And saw the In Between Place for what it truly was.

***
"An-Paj?"

"Yes, Qui-Gon?"

"How's Bant doing?" The Master asked almost hesitantly. It was so easy for him to forget there was another child besides his own that was suffering through the same fate. Another life hanging in the balance. Another victim. And another who was grieving as much as he was.

A long silence ensued before the Healer answered. "She worse off than Obi-Wan. She started slipping about 20 minutes ago. If we can't turn her around soon, she'll be one with the Force within the hour."

"And Mace?"

"He's doing? as well as expected."

Another nod. Qui-Gon didn't need any details about how his friend was doing. He knew the feelings intimately. The fear, the helplessness, the anger. The emotions were swirling in him, sucking him into the vortex of depression that threatened to break him. Only the need to be strong for this small pale figure he loved so much kept him sane. But even that was fading with each passing second.

***

He saw the truth.

He was still in the same gray wind-swept place. Nothing has changed. And yet, everything was different. No longer warm but chillingly cold. Not comforting but grotesque frightening with its dark shadows that devour light. He was no longer enticed by the voices but repulsed by the desperation in their tone. They wanted him but they no longer have a hold on him.

He could look beyond the curtain to see the cold gray tendrils that sucked all warmth and light from the human soul by stealing memories and identities. He could see clearly fathers, mothers, children, friends all succumbing to indifference, losing themselves in this desolate, cold place. And yet, in this bleak place, now that he was no longer blinded, he could easily see the light that was the path back to the land of living. His strength was fading but all he had to do was reach it. Just reach out his hand and he would be back in the safe embrace of his Master?.

Bant.

Bant was fading. Literally fading. Obi-Wan could barely see her, her soul merely a thin outline against the grayness. She no longer had the energy to fight, the last of her strength used to say goodbye. The goodbye that pulled Obi-Wan from the same fate. No, he would never leave her here, wandering alone. Never. But, how was he going to save her? Yes, there was a way. Only, it needed him to?.. no matter, no sacrifice was too big for Bant. None. Not even himself.

Closing his eyes, he reached inside himself. The battle for Bant's life has begun.


***

 

You're your own worst critic, you know that?
I love the dramatic flare this story has. Please keep it up with the confidence that you have a major audience here.

 

Chilling!!!! The emotions felt by Qui-Gon are so well portrayed Obi-Wan fighting for Bants life is soooo Obi-Wan.

The visuals I get when reading your words are amazing, I can see the whole scene played out, and to me that is a sign of excellent writing.

Please post more soon, I have a very bad feeling my sweet Obi-Wan is about to do something very loving and heroic.
Don't you just love that young man

 

Absolutely wonderful!! Obi-Wan is truly the Knight in shining armor. He'd never leave Bant, especially since it was she, albeit unintentionally, who pulled him back. Quickly Obi-Wan, save Bant!

 

Almost done, thank the Force. I can make it. I can....

***

2 Hours Left : A Fair Exchange

*Beep* Beep*

Stroking Obi-Wan's spiky auburn hair with one hand, Qui-Gon let the rhythmic beeping comfort him. The other gently rubbing the skin on the boy's hand, trying to warm it. The motion was entirely for his own peace of mind as Obi-Wan never moved, never responded to his touch. But he had to do something, he had to keep trying to reach the presence in his mind. Even if he kept getting the empty silence. He had to keep trying.

/Hold on, Padawan. Just hold on./

"Qui-Gon? I have a bit of good news for once."

THAT got his full attention, even as he continued stroking his Padawan's hair. Hope surged wildly before he tapered it down.

"Yes?" That was about all he could manage without his voice shaking.

An-Paj gave him a look full with compassion before settling himself into a chair with a satisfied sigh. He wasn't as young as he used to be and his legs were aching after a day of almost non-stop standing.

"The crystals will be ready in 10 minutes." This was accompanied with a big smile.

"But I thought you said it would take 8 hours?" Qui-Gon gasped in surprise.

"Yes well.. suffice to say when the technicians knew what we needed the crystals for?. They gave it their all to try to speed up the process."

Qui-Gon was suddenly overcome with emotion. He was forcibly reminded that it was already past midnight. That would mean almost 7 hours of non-stop work without any rest. To do so much for some Padawan they've never met before? Looking up at the Healer with tears of gratitude in his eyes, he saw only understanding on the other's expression even as he tried to stammer out his thanks.

"The Jedi take care of their own, Qui-Gon. There isn't any need for thanks."
Yes. Qui-Gon gave An-Paj a grateful look before turning his attention back to his fallen apprentice. He gripped the hand in his tightly, smiling for the first time in what seemed like eternity.

/You see, Padawan? Everyone's rooting for you here../

A gentle hand reached out to caress the pallid cheek.

/Just don't disappoint us all. Hang on. Just another 10 minutes. You can do it./

***

Opening his eyes, Obi-Wan knew it was now or never. There wasn't much time left, Bant was rapidly fading and his strength was waning fast. If he did not act now, they would both be lost. Obi-Wan shuddered. If he failed? No, he must have faith. He has to succeed. He HAS to. The very idea of spending eternity in this place?..

Obi-Wan forced that thought out of his mind. This was not the time to dwell on the negative. Taking a deep breath, he reached out ?.

/D*mn!/

The Force was there. Around him as always. But for some reason, it danced just beyond his reach. Muttering another curse word, he tried again but the Force slipped through his fingers like water.

No! Failure was not an option. Bant's life depended on him.

/Focus, Obi!/

Using all his energy, he reached out again. Yes. Almost there. Just a little farther. Suddenly, the Force was in his grasp. /I did it!/ For a split second, he could feel the Force flow through him, bringing peace. Then, just as he was going to harness its energy?

PAIN.

***
Qui-Gon could hear the commotion coming from the next room, when Bant was struggling for her life. Reaching out, his senses told him that her living force was fading. Instinctively, his grip on his own Padawan tightened. If Obi-Wan woke up and found his best friend gone?.

"The girl?" Qui-Gon asked as An-Paj walked in.

An-Paj shook his head wearily. "It's too late."

"Even with the antidote?" The crystals have been administered almost 30 minutes ago but so far, there was still no change.

"The antidote may have neutralized the poison but her lungs just can't take anymore?." An-Paj sighed again. Losing the children was always the hardest. Like watching innocence die. "Healer Leona's with her now. And Mace." An-Paj looked up worriedly. "He's not taking this well."

An understatement, Qui-Gon knew. Watching your Padawan die? it wasn't something he wanted to expe

 

AUUGHGHGHGGGGHHHH!!!!
POST! POST!

 

Obi-Wan, you will die like a true Jedi. And like a true fan, I will miss you! Good-bye!

 

OMG!!!!!! Don't leave it there!!!!!!

An-Paj work your magic quick!!!!!!

 

*falls to knees*

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!

You can't let Obi die!!! No! Please, please save him quick!!! (I don't think I'll survive yet another Obi-death)

 

*quirks an eyebrow*

Why does everyone think I'm killing Obi off? I never actually had that intention but since you all mentioned it.. hehehe.. it's worth considering. After all, anything can happen right?

 

Eryce stop that right now, you will not, I repeat will NOT kill Obi-Wan!!!!!!

 

Oooh, I'm so glad I finally got around to reading this story! It's wonderful! But you can't stop there! Nooooo! I can't take these cliffhangers!! Arrrgghhh!!
Please post again soon.