Honest Bender's Sci-Fi / Fantasy Crimewave!!!

Discussion in 'Archive: SF&F: Films and Television' started by Everton, Jan 8, 2006.

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  1. Everton Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2003
    star 10
    This is Bender:

    [image=http://www.foxwelldrive.pwp.blueyonder.co.uk/bender.jpg]

    Bender loves to 'borrow' things. ;)

    ...

    Backstory:

    One day, Bender was cooking a delicious meal when suddenly a timefictionwarp emerged out of the toaster! :eek: As it turns out, this timefictionwarp is sends Bender all around the realm of Film and Television science fiction and fantasy!

    "Perfect", thinks Bender, "this will give me the ideal opportunity to plunder like I've never plundered before." So Bender takes out his trusty bag of swag and waits to find out where he'll be sent first.

    ...

    Rules:

    I'll suggest the first place Bender lands, and the next poster will decide what he takes from that place (and maybe a little of what happens when he takes it!). It could be anything, maybe not even the most obvious item. Remember, Bender's bag of swag is extremely large! The second person then has the power to send Bender anywhere they like in the realm of Television and Film science fiction and fantasy, where the next person will decide what he takes... and so on and so on...

    Think of it as 'Bender does Quantum Leap' except for Bender to leap he needs to 'borrow' something... :p

    ...

    Kick-off:

    "WOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!" screams Bender as he is thrown out of the timefictionwarp and lands on the slopes of Mount Doom. In the distance there appears to be some sort of fight going on...

    "Hmmm... what can I steal from here?"
  2. NeverKnowsBest Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 22, 2004
    star 2
    Oh. Your. God. Bender cries when he sees Smeagol running off with the One Ring. Quickly smashing a bottle over the little imp's head to Sauron's dismay he absent-mindedly tosses the ring into the fires of Mount Doom. Throwing the dazed Smeagol into his bag he walks off chuckling at how much he can sell the fellow for on eBay. Suddenly another warp opens hurling Bender to the Stone Table where someone appears to killing some sort of giant lion...

  3. Everton Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2003
    star 10
    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
  4. VadersLaMent Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Apr 3, 2002
    star 9
    Bender runs over to the White Witch and pulls her gown down displaying her shivering birthday suit. Ashamed she runs off. Bender puts the gown in his bag.
    Suddenly the timefictionwarp swallows him up and sends him off to Ringworld...

    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
  5. NeverKnowsBest Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 22, 2004
    star 2
    What is ringworld again?

  6. Jedi_Jimbo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 2004
    star 6
    (Terry Pratchetts creation I believe.)
  7. LAJ_FETT Tech Admin and Collecting/Games Mod

    Administrator
    Member Since:
    May 25, 2002
    star 8
    Larry Niven creation, actually..

    Bender sees Nessus, the two-headed Puppeteer, and just has to have him. In the sack he goes!

    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer

    The timefictionwarp swallows him up and sends him over to Archer's Enterprise..




  8. Jedi_Jimbo Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Oct 1, 2004
    star 6
    (D'oh!
    I was thinking of Discworld. Should use google next time!)
  9. Everton Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2003
    star 10
    ...BASH!!! Bender finds himself inside one of Enterprise's torpedo tubes! "Oh no not again!" thinks Bender. But before he's had time to panic the end of the tube opens and T'Pol looks in. "Who are you?" said T'Pol. "Bite my shiny metal ass" Bender replied. Before he knew it, Bender was being carted off through the corridors on the way to Enterprise's brigg. He had to steal something, and so he whipped out his shaver from his chest compartment and shaved off one of T'Pol's eyebrows. T'Pol was outraged, but before she had the chance to administer the Vulcan Death Grip the timefictionwarp appeared and pulled Bender out of the Star Trek universe... "Ha! Ha! Sucker! Can't raise your eyebrow now, can you!!!" ...

    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows.

    ...but things didn't get any better. Bender landed with a crash on a gravestone marked 'Tom Riddle'.
  10. ShrunkenJedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 5
    "Find out who that is, Nagini," Bender hears someone say in a rather unearthly voice. A snake appears to poke its head out of the door to the adjacent mansion, keeping a lookout. Could that be this 'Nagini'? Bender figures it's more likely to be the mousy little man watching from a window upstairs. Grabbing the first thing available, Bender throws the headstone at that silly-looking man. He decides to take the other first thing that appears and put it in his sack, which is a the skeleton that was under the headstone. He puts it in his sack and disappears-- but not before he hears someone angrily mutter 'Avada!...'

    Bender is now transported to Doc Brown's garage.

    Bender's Swag List

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
  11. Lobot_Omy Moderator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 2001
    star 6
    "What the hell?" - Goes Bender.
    "Were you sent from the future to kill me?" - Asks Doc Brown.
    "No, but I'll take this hoverboard of yours."

    Bender grabs the hoverboard and is hurled through timefictionwarp to find himself facing Conan and Subutai fighting a giant snake.

    Bender's Swag List

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
    Doc Brown's hoverboard
  12. Everton Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2003
    star 10
    A giant sword swings through the air and narrowly misses Bender's head, it flicks off his antenna. TWANG! Bender ducks, "Oh save Bender now, save Bender now" Bender whimpers. But to Bender's great surprise, Conan bends over and whispers into his ear "Please help us slay this snake, and there will be great reward for you." Rewards hey... now you're talking Bender's language! Bender whips out his wrestling costume. BENDER THE OFFENDER!!! "Hey Snake! Yeah you over there with the big tail, c'mere Bender's got some choice words for you that's what I'm talkin' about!" Conan and Subotai stand agog as the snake approaches Bender. Bender turns to them both and says "This is staged, right? Which camera should I play too they payin' you enough?" Conan scratches his head "This is not staged, this is to the death." Bender turns back to the snake "Ah. Uh. ... Ah. Bender's insurance don't cover this..." Bender thinks fo a moment. He asks Conan if he can borrow his sword to administer his coup de grace, and Conan agrees. Bender positions himself infront of Conan and frantically waves the sword at the snake. The snake makes one last leap at Bender, but Bender just laughes and shoves Conan's sword into his bag of swag. Bender vanishes back into the timefictionwarp and Conan is swallowed by the snake.

    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
    Doc Brown's hoverboard
    Conan's sword

    "Woah that was a rough ride." Bender blinks and looks around. There's a mirror infront of him, but the reflection isn't his, it's Dr. Sam Beckett's! "Oh boy" says Bender...
  13. ShrunkenJedi Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Apr 26, 2003
    star 5
    He finds that he's wearing a white jumpsuit, facing a guy with bad breath. This guy has the nametag 'Gushie'. This doesn't interest or deter Bender in the least. Bender leaves the sparse room, breaking the door down, followed by a frantic Gushie. Once out of the room, a dark-haired woman stares at him with her mouth open for no reason he can fathom, and whispers something to Gushie. There is a fairly primitive computer on the wall, and it says in a female voice: "I suggest you call the police. The probability of..." Bender is smitten and holds out a hand to make contact with the foreign computer, but ends up wrenching it from the wall and breaking its wires. Ah, 'tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all... The humans continue to stare, while Bender dances with the fallen computer... a man in outrageously colorful clothing comes running out of a room, mad, and chases Bender to a door marked 'accelerator chamber', which he goes into still waltzing. He sees a bit of blue light, but waltzes Ziggy (the computer) into his sack and disappears.

    Bender's Swag List

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
    Doc Brown's hoverboard
    Conan's sword
    Ziggy

    Bender lands in front of a house with a white gate, and looks out toward the Golden Gate Bridge. Bender tries the gate... it squeaks. Yes, here he is... in front of the Slider, Quinn Mallory's, house.
  14. Everton Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2003
    star 10
    Bender stands there, silent. He chugs a beer and then another. Suddenly the front door begins to creak. Goody goody, someone's very slowly coming through the door. The door opens and a woman is standing there infront of Bender. "Are you Quinn?" she asks. "Lady, have you got change for a five?" The woman takes out her purse. Bender snatches it and adds it to his swag. Bender disappears back in to the timefictionwarp. Just then, Quinn's father comes through the door, "What's going on?" he asks. "Oh nothing, I'm just waiting for that nice robot to return my purse."

    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
    Doc Brown's hoverboard
    Conan's sword
    Ziggy
    Quinn's Mum's purse

    WOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Bender lands on a rocky floor. He's in a room with many many golden cups and an old dude in a Knights costume. In the distance he can hear someone muttering "Only the penitent man may pass, only the penitent man may pass..."
  15. Lobot_Omy Moderator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 2001
    star 6
    "Oh I see! Trying to dress like a robot so you could get all our fembots! Not on my watch!" Bender punches the knight in the chest.
    "What's this?! I will not stand such insolence!" Says the knight and pulls out his sword. Bender takes out Conan's sword and they get into a crazy sword fight. After a while they lose their breath and they take a break. At this moment Indiana Jones steps in and Bender uses the moment of distraction to steal the Holy Grail and jumps through the timefictionwarp.


    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
    Doc Brown's hoverboard
    Conan's sword
    Ziggy
    Quinn's Mum's purse
    Holy Grail

    "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish that none of this had happened." Says a short, chubby character standing in front of a river holding out his hand.
    "Haven't I been here already?" Says Bender.
  16. VadersLaMent Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Apr 3, 2002
    star 9
    "The knight takes a swing at Bender and his sword bounces off harmlessly.

    "So what's all this?"--Bender
    "You must choose, but choose wisely, for the false grail will.."--Knight
    "Oh skip it."
    Bender takes all the cups, the knights sword, and his clothes, and puts them all in his swag.

    PUHHHHHHHWHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSSSSHHHHHAAAAAHHHHH!!! The Time fictionwarp wisks Bender away. Bender sits up and looks around. He sees he's in a cozy room filled with all manner of books, potions, scrolls, and an old man who looks like Sean Connery. "I am Elminster, and you'd better have a good explanation for being here."

    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
    Doc Brown's hoverboard
    Conan's sword
    Ziggy
    Quinn's Mum's purse
    Holy Grail...all of them
    Knights clothes and sword.



  17. Lobot_Omy Moderator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 2001
    star 6
  18. VadersLaMent Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Apr 3, 2002
    star 9
    Heh, too fast in one thread, too slow in this one. ;)
  19. Everton Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2003
    star 10
    Lobot got their first, so we'll go with his:

    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
    Doc Brown's hoverboard
    Conan's sword
    Ziggy
    Quinn's Mum's purse
    Holy Grail

    "I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish that none of this had happened." Says a short, chubby character standing in front of a river holding out his hand.
    "Haven't I been here already?" Says Bender...
  20. Jedi_Master_Conor Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2005
    star 6
    Bender runs up to the short chubby character named Frodo and knocks him out w/ an empty beer bottle and puts him in his case. then the warp sends Bender to a jungle where some austrian guy is getting hunted by an alien......
  21. Everton Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2003
    star 10
    Bender lifts his face up from the mud. There's something moving through the forest. Bender engages his Cheating Unit so he can see the beast. "Woah man check out the hideous facial features. I see Leela isn't as bad as they come... hehehe" Bender rushes through the forest in pursuit of the alien. The fight between the alien and the Austrian is long and brutal. Finally, when the alien is about to activate it's self destruct mechanism, Bender appears and rips it out. He pops the mechanism into his Swag Bag and the timefictionwarp swallows him back up.

    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
    Doc Brown's hoverboard
    Conan's sword
    Ziggy
    Quinn's Mum's purse
    Holy Grail
    Frodo Baggins
    Predator's Self Destruct System

    ...

    Bender lands on... on... a bicycle! He weighs it down and it begins to sink downwards and downwards towards the ground. The little boy who is riding the cycle turns around. "Who are you? He asks?" "I'm Bender, where we goin'?" Then the little alien who seems to be sitting in the front basket turns around to face him. "I'd have trouble flushing you down the toilet" quips Bender.
  22. Lobot_Omy Moderator Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 9, 2001
    star 6
    Bender: "Enough talk. If we'll go down, you're going down without me!"

    Bender pushes the kid and the alien off the bike and puts it in his swag disappearing into the timefictionwarp.

    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
    Doc Brown's hoverboard
    Conan's sword
    Ziggy
    Quinn's Mum's purse
    Holy Grail
    Frodo Baggins
    Predator's Self Destruct System
    That kid's bike from ET

    Bender finds himself up to his antenae in grass. He hears screams and horse hooves. A guy wearing a torn space suit runs past him. Folling him came a gorilla on a horse.
  23. Jedi_Master_Conor Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    May 24, 2005
    star 6
    Bender: "Get your stinking hands off my shiny metal ass you damn dirty apes!!!"

    Bender then runs away into the village of apes and sees Dr. Zaius, lures him w/ banana and then tosses him in the bag of swag.


    Bender's Swag List:

    Smeagol
    White Witch's Gown
    Nessus the Puppeteer
    One of T'Pol's eyebrows
    Skeleton of Tom Riddle, Senior
    Doc Brown's hoverboard
    Conan's sword
    Ziggy
    Quinn's Mum's purse
    Holy Grail
    Frodo Baggins
    Predator's Self Destruct System
    That kid's bike from ET
    Dr. Zaius



    all of a sudden Bender finds himself next to a jeep watching a fatman get killed by a dinosaur
  24. Obi-Ron42 Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 1, 2002
    star 1
    I like this thread because it advocates the cool crime of robbery.
  25. Everton Chosen One

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2003
    star 10
    Bender couldn't have put it better himself. ;)
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