Before Hostage, Qui-Gon and Obi-Wan mission from OC POV ** Complete **

Discussion in 'Fan Fiction- Before, Saga, and Beyond' started by ardavenport, Jan 29, 2006.

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  1. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Title: Hostage
    Author: ardavenport (aka Ani-Chay Pinn, aka Anne Davenport)
    Keywords Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, JA, BfTS
    Timeframe: pre-Episode I
    Genre: adventure, action
    Characters: Qui-Gon Jinn and Obi-Wan Kenobi
    Keywords Qui-Gon Jinn, Obi-Wan Kenobi, JA, BfTS, OC
    Summary: Obi-Wan needs rescuing. Qui-Gon rescues him. Seen through the eyes of an OC.
    Notes: also posted on The Jedi Assembly fan fiction forum. And typo is my middle name, with missing words and errors that spell checkers don?t catch being my speciality ? if you see any, just post a reply or send a PM with the what and where and I will kill them with no mercy.
    Disclaimer: All characters belong to George and Lucasfilm; I?m just playing in their sandbox


    HOSTAGE
    by Anne Davenport

    ?Ya gotta see this. This one?s really gonna make us.? Yagatz led Mooni down the narrow, winding corridor of crumbling, gray stone where Bombi kept his occasional ?guests?. Mooni had no interest at all in whatever grotesque amusement Bombi?s guards were into now, but it seemed safer to oblige her than refuse outright.

    ?Just as long as it?s quick. I have to get back to Bora City before dark.?

    ?Ya just gotta have a quick look. You wouldn?t believe what it took to take him down.? They arrived at a dark, metal cell door. Mooni looked in the small, narrow window that Yagatz pointed to. The back wall of the cell was one large, dingy mirror so the guard outside could see the whole space inside. A lone figure lay on one of the two bunks.

    ?What did you do?? He looked human, a boy, as far as she could tell from the back and head that she could see. Dried blood stained the parts of his torn shirt and his bare ankles were shackled. He didn?t move or react to Yagatz calls.

    ?Open this door,? Mooni demanded. Yagatz recoiled.

    ?You got to be kidding. He?s the one??

    ?I don?t care where you got him from or what you plan to do with him. But the only reason why you get me here is because we don?t ask questions if someone needs help. That means anybody. And you just showed me another injured person and I?m going to have him treated. Now open this door!?

    Yagatz had never been very smart. She?d always been the taking-orders kind muscle that suited hill-warlords like Bombi well. But she didn?t take order from outsiders well. She called Bombi instead. Minutes later, the Sagast Hills warlord himself showed up. And bodily tossed Mooni into the cell with the boy.

    She sat, stunned in a corner of the cell and bruised from colliding with the wall and the bunk opposite the boy?s. The door slid shut.

    ?You want to be in there with him, Mooni, you can stay there!? She heard him bellow as he and Yagatz left.

    Mooni painfully clamored to her feet. ?Send down S4 you fathead!? No response. They were both gone. Mooni just stared at the now sealed door. What had gotten into him? He?d never get another technician to show up at his hideout if he kept her prisoner. Or if she didn?t return at all. Had he actually gone to the expense of getting his own medical droid? And the medical center and equipment that would have to go with it? No, he hadn?t. Otherwise, SR wouldn?t have spent the last three hours fixing burns on his goons from their last fight. And S4 wouldn?t be much good to him all alone, not without links and supplies from the Bora City medical center.

    ?Great. This is just great.? She shook her head and looked about. The boy on the bunk had half risen and was looking over his shoulder at her. His face was a mess of bruises. She went to him and he hastily sat up, his legs pulled up to his chest.

    ?What were they doing?? His mouth was covered with a wide, blue plastic strip. The boy looked wary, but he obviously recognized the green medical technician?s insignia on her shirt. ?Sorry,? she apologized. ?I?m not much good without the droid. And somehow I think that Bombi?s not going send S4 down.? Mooni unhooked one of her pouches. ?I?ve got a few thing
  2. kenobiwanobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2005
    star 3
    WOHOO...Great job so far....more please. :)
  3. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    Interesting start ardavenport - I look forward to more.

    :)
  4. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    I really like seeing through the eyes of an OC. I already like Mooni and look forward to seeing how she handles herself and Obi-Wan in theis harsh situation.

    Might I ask for PM updates if you do them. That way I hopefully won't lose track. :D :D
  5. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Wow! A most excellent beginning! I"m looking forward to more on this! Can I get a PM when you update? :)
  6. micky-nikki Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 1
    A very good start ardavenport. =D= Can't wait for more!
  7. Fluff-Slayer Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 12, 2005
    star 2
    Yikes, poor Obi-Wan. He does need rescuing, doesn't he?

    It was a good start, and the OC seems nice. (Hooray for nice characters!) I wonder who's duking it out in the hall...?

    Very interesting. Lovely characterization, too, especially the "dumb muscle" line. [face_laugh]

    Eagerly awaiting the next post! :)
  8. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Great start. :D

    I like it when Qui and Obi are shown from an OC's POV. [face_love] Mooni seems nice, I can't wait to see her reaction when she finds out Obi is a Jedi. And I hope that commotion outside is Qui coming to the rescue.

    Can't wait for more of this! :D
  9. jodiwent Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Feb 11, 2000
    star 4
  10. Star_Drifter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2005
    star 3
    He certainly wasn?t your average rich kid, Mooni thought, for it was all but certain that Bombi was ransoming another offworlder. His hair was very ordinary for a human, medium brown, short and thick, except for one, long braid tied with colored bands that hung behind his right ear and a small, short tail that stuck out like a brush in back. Her youngest son fancied himself as a fashion maven, especially when it came to hair, but she didn?t remember seeing him wear anything like it. This boy wasn?t local.

    No, he's a Jedi! :D

    And, Qui-Gon is coming for him! [face_dancing]

    Can't wait for more! [face_batting]

    Star
  11. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    First, thanks all for reading! It's much appreciated.


    kenobiwanobi WOHOO...Great job so far....more please. OK, more coming.

    Kestrel_Kenobi Interesting start ardavenport - I look forward to more. Thanks.

    Healer_Leona I really like seeing through the eyes of an OC. I already like Mooni and look forward to seeing how she handles herself and Obi-Wan in theis harsh situation.

    You can learn all sorts of things about characters you never thought about through the POV of another. Glad you liked it.

    Layren: Wow! A most excellent beginning! I"m looking forward to more on this! Thanks.

    micky-nikki: A very good start ardavenport. Can't wait for more! Thanks.

    Fluff-Slayer It was a good start, and the OC seems nice. (Hooray for nice characters!) I wonder who's duking it out in the hall...?

    Oh, that shall be revealed very shortly. :D

    Bastet I like it when Qui and Obi are shown from an OC's POV. Mooni seems nice, I can't wait to see her reaction when she finds out Obi is a Jedi. And I hope that commotion outside is Qui coming to the rescue.

    Yes, Mooni can take good care of Obi-Wan until the big rescue. face_happy]

    jodiwent: nice begining. Thanks.

    Star_Drifter: And, Qui-Gon is coming for him! Oh, yes he is. [face_mischief]


    OK, now more.....


    ============================================ part 2 ===

    Mooni decided it wasn?t just a drunken fight or petty vengeance when the explosions started rattling the cell. The light fixtures in the ceiling flickered briefly. It sounded like an invasion. Fights between warlords were not unheard of, but they were rare. There was enough crime and exploitation to satisfy them and warfare was too much work. It was even more unlikely that the authorities had come after Bombi. Even if they wanted to rescue either of them, they would buy Bombi off before attacking him. At least, Mooni would prefer that they would choose the safer means of rescue.

    Then the noise stopped. The blaster fire and explosions went ominously silent. Mooni could hear footsteps, running down the corridor and a low humming sound. Muni kept the boy from getting off the bunk again. She was not so optimistic that this battle survivor would be friendly. The lights flickered again and went out.

    ?Obi-Wan??

    The deep voice was right outside.

    Then the cell door nearly exploded. They cringed back together from the sparks and light. Metal squealed and a bright green beam shot out through the door and descended. Shocked, Mooni watched it cut around the locking mechanism which fell with a bang from the door. Then the door slid noisily aside.

    A tall, bearded male human entered, the glowing beam lighting everything in the cell green.

    A Jedi? Mooni thought with shock. They sent a Jedi to rescue this kid? How important was he?

    ?Obi-Wan,? the Jedi rushed forward and even though he held the lightsaber up and away from them, Mooni still pressed back away from it. She couldn?t imagine why anyone would use an open-ended energy weapon like that. The boy, Obi-Wan, made a muffled sound as the Jedi?s fingers passed over the patches that Mooni had applied and then probed the edge of the strip covering his mouth.

    ?Don?t! You?re not going to get that off without solvent; they used a bonding agent.?

    ?Do you have any?? the Jedi demanded, looking directly at her, the lightsaber casting his face in deep shadow, his hand resting on Obi-Wan?s shoulder. His gaze flicked down to her technician?s insignia.

    ?Well, yes, with my droid, but I don?t know??

    ?I?ve seen it. It?s upstairs.? He stepped back. Before Mooni could even jump back, the tip of Jedi?s lightsaber flicked forward and back twice. The shackles fell away from Obi-Wan?s hands and feet. He looked back toward the ruined door and then paused to frown down at Obi-Wan?s bare feet. ?There?s too much debris out there. I?m going to have to carry you.?

    He turned around
  12. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    Wow.. I'm in awe of your ability to write action so well! More cliffes! Argh!

    Excellent job!
  13. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Thanks much. I like keep those boys moving. :D OK, end of cliffe.



    ============================================ part 3 ===

    She smelled new dust and smoke. The Jedi and Obi-Wan scrambled to either side of the desk and crouched, lightsabers ready, Obi-Wan nodding acknowledgment to whatever the Jedi was signaling to him. They heard noise, crunching footsteps, grumbling voices, droid clicks and whirs. The noises got closer. The Jedi motioned for Mooni to stay. Do I look like I?m crazy, Mooni thought testily. The grumbling and voices became more distinct. Mooni heard Bombi?s baritone rising above the others.

    ?You had better be worth this, Ulhar! Look at this!?

    ?I don?t see any bodies,? an unfamiliar, hissing female said. ?They?re still here...?

    ?Nothing could have survived that detonator! I don?t?? Bombi yelled back.

    The Jedi and Obi-Wan simultaneously ignited their lightsabers and leapt around the desk. Obi-Wan?s lightsaber flashed bright, pale blue. They hummed and cracked. Bombi screamed. Blasters fired; bodies fell. Mooni wasn?t about to risk a laser bolt through the eye trying to see what was going on, but S4 telescoped a sensor up over the edge of the desk. An overhead light went out with a bang.

    ?Hey,? Mooni rapped S4. ?Let me look.? S4 activated the side screen on her torso. There was too much smoke and it was too dark to see much more than shadows, but the Jedi lightsabers shone through it all. Constantly in motion, they cut down everything, deflected every blaster bolt. Mooni wondered that Jedi didn?t injure themselves with them, they moved so fast. The green blade conspicuously swung larger circles and jumped to more places, but the blue seemed to be in no danger.

    It only took a few minutes. Huge droid parts crashed down. A few retreating yells and some moaning bodies on the floor were all that remained of Bombi?s gang. Mooni didn?t consider peeking up above the desk until she saw the lightsabers on S4's screen go out at the far end of the room. S4 was trembling again. When Mooni did look, the room was strewn with more wreckage, more injuries and a few severed body parts. At least they were fresh this time. They might be re-attachable.

    The Jedi strode back toward them, Obi-Wan walking more carefully just behind him. The Jedi was dirtier, more smudged with soot and at least looked like he?d been exerting himself. Obi-Wan?s expression was more pained and he held his left arm close to his chest though he was far more mobile than Mooni would have expected from someone who?d been so recently beaten so badly. Mooni wondered if Jedi had some immunity to pain along with being invincible.

    After carefully surveying the room and apparently deciding there wasn?t anything else to destroy, the older Jedi went to Obi-Wan and put his arm around him. Obi-Wan leaned on him as they returned back to Bombi?s desk. And Mooni decided that Jedi were likely only mostly invincible.

    She nudged the terrified droid next to her, hiding behind the desk. ?Come on S4. You?ve got more patients.?

    ************************************************

    ?Oh, on!!? S4 squealed, pulling away from Mooni.

    ?Hey!? Lubricant squirted on the floor where the droid used to be. Annoyed Mooni turned to where S4 frantically pointed.

    ?Oh.? The Jedi had entered her workroom and stood by the door. One of the city security people had told her his name was Qui-Gon Jinn, though they hadn?t been introduced in any way and she hadn?t seen him since S4 had downloaded Obi-Wan?s specs for the medical center on their way back to Bora City. He?d cleaned up and wore his loose, dark robe, his arms folded into its enormous sleeves before him. He looked deceptively academic, long-haired and harmless. For the moment.

    ?I wanted to thank you for assisting my Padawan. That was very kind of you.? Mooni didn?t know what a ?Padawan? was but she assumed that it was Jedi for ?apprentice?.
  14. Healer_Leona Manager Emeritus

    Member Since:
    Jul 7, 2000
    star 9
    Yay, Qui-Gon to the rescue. I liked how Mooni first thought that Obi-Wan was merely important enough to be rescued by a Jedi. Yikes,. thought they'd made it out safe now. Eww, seventeen severed limbs?? *shivers*

    Awww, it's over already?

    That was a eonderful tale you spun us. I look foward to more from you. =D=

  15. Layren Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 28, 2003
    star 5
    At enormous cost (Mooni had counted seventeen severed limbs), Bombi had captured the Jedi?s apprentice and had been foolish (no, crazy) enough to try to ransom him. After all, it had worked once before with an interstellar tourist. Bombi?s new status as former warlord and his wrecked holdings proved what a fantastically bad idea that had been.



    Yep, definetely crazy. Methinks Bombi should've researched the Jedi a bit more before trying to ransom one :p


    Excellent job! =D= I wish this wasn't the end!
  16. Star_Drifter Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jul 18, 2005
    star 3
    ?He looks good,? Mooni commented. ?He should be ready to hack up a whole army in no time.?

    Qui-Gon Jinn turned, the glow of the tank behind him. ?You disapprove of our methods?? She walked forward to join him. Jinn?s fingers still rested on the side of the tank.

    ?Well, maybe not disapprove. I won?t argue that Bombi didn?t get what he deserved. But I might like to point out...? Mooni gestured to S4, who remained at a respectful distance. ?When you?re out there in the galaxy, chopping things off. Just remember.? Her other arm indicated the room, the equipment, the tank. ?We?re the ones who have to put them back on.?


    You have made a very good point, Mooni! [face_laugh]

    Qui-Gon managed to rescue Obi-Wan at Bombi's expense! :D

    I enjoyed this very much! [:D]

    Star
  17. Fluff-Slayer Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 12, 2005
    star 2
    Lovely finish, arda. You definately know how to bow out gracefully.

    The ending lines were perfect. Poor put-upon healers, cleaning up everybody's messes. I liked the bit about Qui-Gon looking deceptively harmless, though S4's characterization was my favorite part. Especially the squirting of the lubricant. [face_laugh]

    Well done!
  18. kenobiwanobi Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Jun 26, 2005
    star 3
    =D= WONDERFULLY DONE!!!!!!!! I loved everything about it. :)
  19. dianethx Jedi Grand Master

    Member Since:
    Mar 1, 2002
    star 6
    I really enjoyed the OCs POV. She was quite right to point out that she was the one who had to put them back together after the Jedi were finished hacking off limbs...LOL..

    Good job.
  20. Bastet Jedi Master

    Member Since:
    Dec 30, 1999
    star 4
    Great ending! [face_love]

    That was funny how S4 kept running away from Qui-Gon. [face_laugh]

    And I loved Mooni's thought about Qui--He looked deceptively academic, long-haired and harmless. For the moment. For the moment is right... :p

    I'm glad Bombi learned his lesson--don't mess with Jedi! [face_shame_on_you]

    Thanks for sharing this story with us, ardavenport, I really enjoyed it! :D @};-
  21. Kestrel_Kenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 26, 2005
    star 4
    :D I enjoyed this. The ending was great!

    Well done!

  22. SakuraTsukikage Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Oct 24, 2005
    star 4
    This was great. I enjoyed it very much. Your stories have a real feeling of realism, and your description is very effective. Wonderful job.
  23. ardavenport Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Dec 16, 2004
    star 4
    Healer_Leona: Yay, Qui-Gon to the rescue. I liked how Mooni first thought that Obi-Wan was merely important enough to be rescued by a Jedi. Yikes,. thought they'd made it out safe now. Eww, seventeen severed limbs?? *shivers*

    I'm very fond of the invincible Qui-Gon that you see at the beginning of TPM. Before Sith started showing up, I think that most, ordinary, mundane bad guys would not be a problem for Jedi.

    Awww, it's over already?

    Well, that's just so they can move on to more trouble. [face_mischief] Glad you enjoyed it.


    Layren: Yep, definetely crazy. Methinks Bombi should've researched the Jedi a bit more before trying to ransom one

    Yep, Jedi have to get their nobody-can-kill-a-Jedi reputation from somewhere! Thanks for reading.


    Star_Drifter: You have made a very good point, Mooni! Qui-Gon managed to rescue Obi-Wan at Bombi's expense!

    Woe to the bad guy who tries to mess with Qui-Gon's Padawan! Glad you enjoyed it!


    Fluff-Slayer: The ending lines were perfect. Poor put-upon healers, cleaning up everybody's messes. I liked the bit about Qui-Gon looking deceptively harmless, though S4's characterization was my favorite part. Especially the squirting of the lubricant.

    Thanks! Somebody has to reattach all those arms, I suppose. And Jedi really do look peaceful and academic in those robes...until they start chopping up droids with those lightsabers.


    kenobiwanobi: WONDERFULLY DONE!!!!!!!! I loved everything about it.

    Thank-you very much.[:D]


    dianethx: I really enjoyed the OCs POV. She was quite right to point out that she was the one who had to put them back together after the Jedi were finished hacking off limbs...LOL..

    Jedi in action must look just a bit scary to the ordinary galactic citizen. And someone has to clean up the mess, too. Thanks for reading!


    Bastet: Great ending! That was funny how S4 kept running away from Qui-Gon.

    Aww thanks. :) I liked writing the droid part. 3PO can't be the only droid in the SW universe that has hysterics. A Jedi slicing through attack droids has got to look bad to all the other droids.


    Kestrel_Kenobi I enjoyed this. The ending was great!

    Thanks much. :) I like a nice rescue.


    SakuraTsukikage This was great. I enjoyed it very much. Your stories have a real feeling of realism, and your description is very effective. Wonderful job.

    Glad you enjoyed it. I like to put a lot of atmosphere in a story. When I write, if the plot gets hung up somewhere, I can always write background material until I figure out what happens next and the descriptions always come in handy, even the ones that get deleted.

  24. KylieKenobi Force Ghost

    Member Since:
    Sep 25, 2005
    star 1
    i really enjoyed this. I like Obi/Qui sotries from other ppl's point of view and i agree with Healer Leona, awwwwwwww its over already?
  25. micky-nikki Jedi Knight

    Member Since:
    Dec 31, 2005
    star 1
    :( I missed posts. Anyway, AWESOME!! So great I loved every bit of it! :D
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