Hostess files for Bankruptcy

The price of your flagship brand being the unfortunately named "Twinkie."

Supposedly it's because Americans are eating healthier. Like the 350 pound man ahead of me in the grocery store checkout line last night. His healthier lifestyle included a 5 lb bag of Cheetos, 2 liters of Mountain Dew, 5 frozen pizzas and a half gallon of Edy's ice cream. No room for a Hostess cupcake in that healthy lifestyle, even though, comparatively...it's wafer thin.

Congratulations, Americans. You have become so fat that a package of Twinkies no longer even moves the needle noticeably on your daily caloric intake. It just doesn't quite hit the spot in the same way as a dozen glazed donuts.

 

His five a day!

 

It's hard to imagine a world without Twinkies, even though that's basically what the movie Zombieland is about. The good news is that you can stock up now and save them for your retirement.

 

No more of these guys:

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Darn it!

 

RIP Chocodiles

 

My chocodile empire is crumbling.

 

I had to Google "Chocodile." Never heard of it until this moment.

 

No more yodels?

Also, who will replace the giant Twinkie the Kid robot at my Stew Leonards? That thing has terrified children for over two decades now.

 

In recent years, Hostess has tried to save the company through an expensive R&D effort, and they have made some real progress toward the development of second and third generation Twinkie-based desserts, like the Chocolate Twinkie Smasher and the Banana Java Twinkie Supreme, but it was apparently too little too late.

Also, a number of years ago there were several innovative studies in Wonder Bread compression, but they didn't amount to anything new for the product pipeline.

 

Wonder Bread is basically Play-Doh in a loaf shape.

 

I probably bet being used by Marvel and DC superheroes to stop supervillians, who would practically give them away for free, didn't help matters any.

 

Given the continuing fattening of America, this speaks to gross incompetence on the part of management.

 

No more Twinkies? But what will county fairs deep fry?!

 

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NEVER FORGET

 

uh, everything else?

 

Dip the Twinkie in tempura batter, deep-fry it, then dip it in chocolate, smother it in bacon gravy, roll it in crushed Fritos, top it with two scoops of vanilla ice cream, mix it in a blender with 12 oz of Coca-Cola, add a half lb of sauteed ground beef, a can of tomato sauce, kidney beans, a sauteed onion, chile powder. Bring to a boil then simmer for 3 hours. Pour over rice and grated cheese. Stuff into a 14 lb turkey, then roast for 5 hours.

 

you lost me with the kidney beans.

 

Obviously if you're from Texas you'd leave out the beans.

 

This year in Wisconsin, they served Deep Fried Butter. That is not a joke.

 

Isn't that synonymous with "deep fried frying fat?"

 

Exactly.

 

But... but what about the fruit pies!

 

Yeah, but Twinkies are the only one you can talk about without getting nauseous.

And even then, only just.

 

Chapter 11 doesn't mean the company's going away. Just ask Donald Trump.